A Sense of Reality
by Jyxxie
Summary: In the bid to restore Al's body at the end of Brotherhood, Ed pays more than he'd ever intended, becoming a prisoner in his own body. RoyEd.
1. Chapter 1

_Summary_: In the bid to restore Al's body at the end of Brotherhood, Ed pays more than he'd ever intended, becoming a prisoner in his own body. Will contain light RoyEd in later chapters, nothing R-rated.

* * *

I had just announced to everyone that I'd be performing my last transmutation. I wasn't _entirely_ wrong. It was the last one that the public would ever see.

"What do you _mean_ alchemy isn't enough?!"

"Silly little alchemist," Truth giggled condescendingly. "Haven't you thought about it, really? Did the idea just come to you on a _whim?_"

I stared at the white figure in front of me, wiping a bit of blood from my cheek as it tickled.

"All humans souls are brought into existence with their own Gate. It contains all they have seen, learned, and ever will be or do." A chuckle that sent a shiver down my spine. "It is not something that they can just _give away_. To do so would forfeit one's soul into nonexistence!"

"But I-I need to get Al's body back!" I gasped desperately. "I don't know what else to give!"

"His body, is that all? If memory serves me correctly, his soul is now here as well, safe and sound inside that frail little body of his." Standing, Truth walked forward, stopping near me with a malicious grin. "It seems you'll need to trade for his body _and_ soul. What will you give me in exchange?"

"I-I don't-" My breath caught in my throat as I tried to back up, but hit my personal Gate. I shivered again, flesh hands grasping it uselessly.

"No answers? How sad. Just minutes ago, you seemed to have every answer."

"Then you took it away!" I snapped, finding my fire again. I took a step forward. "Take everything. Make an even trade, let Alphonse return and keep me here."

"After making so many friends and saving the world and becoming a _hero_, you're ready to give all of that up?"

"You haven't been watching the Elric brothers?" A bitter laugh escaped my throat. "I'd give everything up for him."

Truth stood, watching me with a frown on his face for what seemed like an hour, though in this skewed blankness, was more likely mere moments. "An even trade. Luckily for you, no live creature can remain in this domain for very long." A chuckle escaped Truth again, despite the frown that was still present.

"Though, your payment can remain forever."

* * *

Those were the last words I'd ever heard. I never heard Al call my name when we returned, or the cries of the others when they finally found us. They did find us, I'm sure. Of course, without the sight to verify it, I can't be sure.

It's hard to orient yourself when you don't know what's going on around you. It's hard to come to your senses when they're gone.

_All_ of them.

I sit there as I always do, every day, only moving occasionally to stretch stiff muscles or skeletal aches.

That's really all I have, now.

Deep tissue feeling. Organs, I can feel those too. And that most useful one, that feel of gravity on them.

Useful. _Ha_.

I roll my head to the side, just to _feel_ it and remind myself that I'm still alive. That I'm not just stuck in an endless white abyss, with nobody there to talk to me or wave to me. I'm alone. I'm alive, in my own personal slice of hell, unable to hear, unable to see, unable to _feel_, or even smell or taste. All five of my senses had been stripped, and I hope to the god that calls himself Truth, that Al made it out fine. That my loss was _worth_ something.

What's-oh, right. I've done this before. I'm shaking.

I can feel the trembling throughout my body. I suppose it must be drastic, if I'm able to feel it so deep. It must have started out just as normal trembling. I can't stop it; it happens every time I start thinking about what happened.

But when you're a prisoner in your own mind, when you're trapped and alone, with nobody to distract you from your thoughts, nobody to tell you that it's going to be alright, nothing to focus your eyes on and nothing-there's just _nothing_-what else can I do?

I feel my lungs shudder with a heaving, gasping breath. My head is growing warm. My breath catches again, and as all three actions work in tandem-the gasping, the heat and the trembling-I realize that I'm crying.

I can't feel the tears.

I don't know if someone is there to see them.

I can't feel if they're being wiped away.

I don't even know if I can stop them.

All I can do is lift my legs until I feel that they're on the chair with me, wrap my arms around them and feel the pressure in my knees, then bow my head until it stops on its own, making contact with my legs.

As I choke and stutter on sobs.

Not for the senses that I lost.

But for the people I can no longer sense around me.


	2. Chapter 2

"Any changes today?"

"What do you think?" Al sighed, rubbing at his tired eyes. "I'm sorry, Winry. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"You're recovering too, Al." Winry sat next to him on the bed, placing an arm around his shoulder.

"Too?" Al turned his gaze to her, trying to figure out what she _meant_. "What do you mean, _too?_"

"Well, Ed's-"

"He's not recovering, Winry. That's-that's not something that you-" he steadied himself, taking even, deep breaths. Darn this body that still couldn't handle much stress. "He lost all of his senses. How do you recover from that? All he can do is sit there and cry all day. What kind of _life_ is that?"

Winry turned slightly, wrapping her other arm around him as she nestled her head into the crook of his neck. "I don't know, Al," she sighed, voice muffled. "I only wish there was more we could do for him."

"He can't even make full use of the recliner we-" he was interrupted by a knock on the door, Winry's head leaving the sanctity of her friend's embrace.

"I'll-I'll get it."

* * *

I have no idea how long it's been that I've been like this. I can't keep track of time. I just sleep when I grow tired. I imagine my circadian rhythm is way off, but I can't be sure.

I feel my body warm up and cool down. Whether it's the weather outside or if someone is putting a blanket on me, I don't know.

Some depressing voice in my head tells me it's only been a week.

It feels like an _eternity_.

I don't know how much longer I can take this with my sanity intact.

I bow my head forward again, to feel gravity change its directional pull, and leave out a most-likely exaggerated sigh.

Boredom doesn't even _begin_ to cover it.

It's meditation on steroids. Quiet room, peaceful environment; regress into yourself and just focus on your breathing.

Ironically, that's one thing that I still have control over.

Clear your mind of all thoughts and just be. In doing this, you learn to focus your thoughts and reach serenity.

But I can't wake up. I can't open my eyes and go back to being Edward Elric, Fullmetal Alchemist, Hero of the People, Roy Mustang's subordinate and one of the saviors of Amestris.

I'm stuck trying to blindly reach for nirvana.

Never to reach it, because I tried to.

I feel the shuddering gasp again, and I hit my head with my hand as I try to grasp my hair, though I don't feel it either in my fingers or my scalp.

Everything is so dead, so wrong.

I repeat with my other hand as I try to steady my breathing and stave off the tears again. I suddenly feel the gravity shift in my arms, not of my own accord, and receive the only message that tells me I'm not alone.

Whoever has been caring for me since the transmutation, I thank you. I try to say it, though I'm not sure if it made its way to you. I feel a low hum in my throat that usually means speech, but I'm deaf to whatever comes out and I just hope it's right, that I don't offend you and chase you away. You're all I have.

You pull my arms away from my head. Did you think I was trying to hurt myself? It probably looked that way, now that I think about it.

Or is it time for my bath? I can usually pick those out. My body temperature drops and then warms again as you wash me, and I can feel as you move my limbs and my head. How _humiliating_. I'm just a useless rag doll.

No no, don't cry Edward. That's what you're _trying_ to avoid. Although I'm not entirely sure what the point is of stopping the tears. It's one of the few things that I can still do and know _what_ is going on.

I manage to steady my breaths, though I don't feel any more movement. I'm alone again.

It surprises me, really, how quickly I retreat to the endless expanse of white that is my world. To retreat to my thoughts and memories and dreams until I feel something, or _imagine_ that I feel something, and return to my ghost of a reality for a glimpse of hope.

I hang onto every little thing… but it's not enough.

Sometimes, I find a way to get more.

I stand up slowly, stretching stiffness from my knees and back. I make a big show of stretching my whole body, nearly losing balance from absence of sight, and feel a yank on my left arm. Riiight. My lifeline.

My _food_.

I feel someone pushing me back into the seat and I sigh, leaning my head back against what I assume is a comfortable rest. I allow my thoughts to drift away from the IV that's keeping me alive, and wonder how Alphonse is doing. My breath catches in my throat as I realize, as I have so many times in this short but endless week; I'll never see or hear him again.

"Alphonse," I gasp, unable to hear my own words. I'm met with silence and no feeling, and I don't know if he's ever made it home or if he's just not in the room. "Is someone there?" I try to put more effort into the words with my lungs, but the lack of any response, any nudge or change in orientation leaves me feeling more alone than ever.

"I'm sorry," I cry quietly, sure that my words are as deaf to those around me as they are to my own useless ears. "I'm so sorry Alphonse…"


	3. Chapter 3

I don't know much of anything these days. Are they days or nights? It must be an endless day. I've always heard blindness is dark, but maybe I'm special, because mine is as white as Truth's domain.

I lift my arm to reach out into the white, feeling gravity pull at the limb but still unable to see it stretch out in front of me. I let it fall to my side again, weak from just the small effort. I must have been here for some time if my muscles have atrophied that much.

All I do, all I'm allowed to do or physically able to do is to sit here and dream of paradise in my white world. Dream of what would have happened if my alchemy were enough.

I never can see myself settling down. At least not right away, though. I like travel, to meet new people and help people, and learn new alchemy and culture and-and I can never do that again, all I have now is where I've been and who I've met and what I've read.

If I met someone new, I'd never know it. I have nothing to associate with a memory. Hell, I still don't know who's caring for me, if I know them at all.

Just one sense, just _one_ sense to let me know that I'm still a _part_ of this world, and not just floating endlessly in it. I would give my gate, my _soul_ to have just one sense back. But I could never draw the circle to get there, not without my eyes.

I can't find the chalk without my touch.

I can't know if I'm asking for the gateway without my ears.

And nobody ever responds to my words.

Only to my actions.

So I've started making them more prominent. Maybe they look for a sign of life, of intelligence? Maybe I'm in a _lab?_

I yank my left arm, feeling the tug of the IV in it. I tear it out again, only managing to do so by standing and walking back until I hit the wall, flail my arm, and finally feel the freeing of resistance on my limb.

But what now? Arms don't catch me as I slump against the wall, breathing raggedly from the effort. I hang my head, feeling shame. I'm a crippled dog, left in a cage so small that even when freed, I'm too weak to run away.

I feel the choked gasp again, and I curse in my throat and my mind.

I pointlessly reign in my rampant self-pity and regulate my breathing, and try to quiet the tumble of emotions that grows more chaotic with each passing day.

Doesn't my _caretaker_ usually come in and find me on the floor by now? My mind had drifted, it took me longer to get myself under control. I'm still stuck on the floor, with no idea of where I _am_.

Why am I still down here?

I slowly make my way to my feet, the wall at my side to steady me, to hold me up for the several times that I fall against it. I never would have thought standing would be so hard.

I finally make it to my feet, to _standing_, but I feel so exhausted that I fear I'll take one step and hit the floor.

Not that it would be the worst feeling, I'd have a nice sudden collision with gravity, and maybe I'd get a headache to focus on for a while.

I take a step.

Arms out, don't flail, keep your balance.

Another step.

Steady your trembling.

Another step!

How am I still standing?

Another-

Down I go, muscle memory causing my arms to shoot out in front of me and protect my head from impact. I feel the air exit my lungs, leaving me breathless and disoriented as I lay on the floor, unaware of how far I've traveled to _where_.

A terrifying thought fills my head.

If I'm too weak to walk

Too weak to stand

Too blind to search

How will I find my escape?

My breath hitches as I duck my head, too exhausted to hold it up or even _me_. My arms give out and I slide to laying chest-down on the floor, giving me just enough of a change in orientation to be marginally enjoyable in this excuse of an existence. I cross my arms under my head and knock one leg against the other, bringing them together, and close my eyes as I relax.

As though this is just a change of pace.

And not the confirmation of condemnation.

Even if I wanted to, I'd never be able to end my own life and escape.


	4. Chapter 4

"Colonel Mustang!"

"Just Roy is fine, Alphonse," Roy replied with a tired smile, leaving his tinted sunglasses on as he entered the Elric home.

"Sir, are you still-"

"No, my sight has been restored." Roy lifted the glasses enough to be hit with a violently bright blurry image, finding it safer to his eyes that they _gradually_ adjust to vision again. "They're still healing." He paused, glancing down at the again-healthy Alphonse in front of him. "As is Edward, I hope?"

Al cast his eyes down, turning his gaze to the living room. "He's… still here." Al led him into the room where Edward was seated, as usual, in the recliner, appearing as if he were only lost in daydreaming and not dead to the world.

"Edward?" Roy spoke, though he knew the blond wouldn't hear him. "Did you try to use the stone on him, Alphonse?"

"I did, sir. It restored Jean's mobility and your sight, but it didn't affect Ed at all." Al's youthful voice sounded heartbroken and aged with regret more than it should ever have been.

"Dammit." Roy walked over to Ed, watching him carefully as he simply stared ahead, doing nothing but breathing and the occasional twitch of his arm. "How often do you take him outside?"

"Take him-outside?!" Al's eyes widened. "We can't. We've tried moving him around inside already. He fights us all the time."

"Really, he does?" Roy frowned, deciding to make his own assessment. He reached forward, grasping Ed's hands and lifting them up. He was rewarded with widening eyes that searched uselessly about. "Right here, Fullmetal. Stand with me." Roy gave a gentle upward tug.

"He doesn't respond to-" Al gasped as Ed leaned his body forward and pushed with his legs, trying to stand but lacking the energy and falling into his metaphorical cage again. Neither man missed the sound of frustration that escaped his lips. "But how?!"

"Come on Ed, one more time," Roy encouraged, ignoring Al's words. He pulled again, this time pulling up as Ed put as much force into his withered legs as he could muster. Finally upright, Ed's eyes widened in amazement and a grin of triumph appeared on his face, lasting only moments before exhaustion took him and he collapsed against Roy who caught him easily, holding his weak frame upright as Ed managed a small smile.

"But-he never responded to us before!" Al protested, sounding incredibly hurt. "How did you-"

"Well, how did you try to get him up?"

"The same way you did!" Al paused, frowning as the memory returned to him. "No, I think we went under his arms and tried to lift him up. He fell forward and we didn't catch him in time… and he's fought us ever since." Al put a hand to his head, sighing raggedly. "This is all my fault, if he hadn't tried to restore me, if I didn't fail him when he finally did…"

"No, Alphonse." Roy's strong voice had gained a softness to it, silencing the younger Elric. "We can't control the past, only what we do with our future. Please, don't dwell on what happened. It won't do Edward any good. Right Ed?" Roy bent Ed's head back gently to gaze into golden eyes, breath catching when he saw the raw thrill and adoration in them. He'd-he'd never seen that before, and he suddenly couldn't remember a time he found those eyes more beautiful, unfocused or not.

He hid his emotion from Alphonse and he hoped himself as well, gently standing Ed in front of the chair once more. He took Ed's hands in his own once more, smiling sadly as Ed sat again, with Roy's help, much earlier than he'd hoped.

"It seems he just needs a little more encouragement," Roy noted, a softness touching his heart that he hadn't felt since...well, since the last time Ed succumbed to one of his short jokes and tried to murder his superior. "I trust you can continue where I left off, and try to build up his muscles again?"

"Of course!" Al answered, bite to his words as he left his insulted reaction unchecked. "I'm here for him. Winry and I both are."

"I would never think otherwise." Roy squinted at the blazing sun outside, dreading the front door already. He had always loved this beautiful weather, too. "I'd best be on my way. It was nice to visit you both."

"Yeah." Al smiled sadly. "I'm sure brother would agree-"

"Alphonse?"

"Did you hear that?"

"_More?_" A faint, raspy voice drifted over to them, and both scrambled to find Ed turning his head slowly, tiredly. "_More please?_"

"He hasn't spoken in… oh, Ed." Al ran over to him, giving him a warm, brotherly hug.

Which Ed reacted to, and none too well.

Ed gasped out, froze, and then tried to squirm around. He flailed his arms, hitting Alphonse square in the ribs with his elbow; he cried out in half-word gasps as Al tried to still his fighting brother by grabbing his arms and keeping them down.

Roy could see the problem. Al just didn't understand how to communicate with the boy. "Alphonse!" Roy used his commanding tone that he usually saved for subordinates; "Please step aside."

Looking like a beaten dog, Al backed off, leaving a panting and collapsed Ed, face contorted in fear and despair.

"Fullmetal, how many times have I told you to play nice?" Roy stepped forward, pressing on Ed's chest harder and harder until Ed's breath hitched and he swung his arm wildly, barely able to lift it all the way before it fell back to his lap. He calmed when Roy released the pressure, blind eyes searching frantically.

"You're not having any more luck than I was," Al said jealously, crossing his arms as he was once again ignored.

"Well, you liked this, at least." Roy lifted Ed's hands up again, but found that even with his help, Ed hadn't the energy left to stand. He stared at the misery on Ed's face and shook his head. "No, I'm not taking that from you. You're smiling again, dammit."

"Sorry," Ed mumbled, almost too low to be heard.

"No, don't be." Roy reached down, taking Ed's head gently in his hands and slowly rotating it from side to side in a 'no' motion.

Ed's first and natural reaction was to cringe and try to yank his head free, but devoid of the energy to fight, he simply sat there, eyes blank as they searched. Roy waited and shook Ed's head gently again, once more, and was rewarded with a gasp and a revelation.

"_No_." Ed's breath hitched again, and his eyes looked-they looked _up_, as if he _knew_ someone was in front of him and teaching him to communicate this simple word. "No."

"That's right, Ed," Roy said with a ragged, but joyful, sigh. "That's no." Roy released Ed's head, and surprising both men, Ed began slowly nodding.

"_Yes_." He repeated the actions, _yes_ and _no_ until his head finally fell forward with a suddenness that frightened Al and Roy-until one final word escaped Ed. "_Tired_…"

Roy laughed and took Ed by the shoulders, easing him against the back of the chair. "Sleep, Edward. You've earned it."

Al could see Roy's face light up as Ed drifted off to sleep with a small smile. It lifted his spirits and burned at him at the same time.

He'd been trying to take care of his brother, elicit a response for _months_-and Roy Mustang, the Colonel that Ed clashed with at _every_ encounter, earned so much more from Ed in the span of an hour. Was he wrong to feel cheated? To feel _inadequate?_ To feel… jealous.

"I'm a horrible brother," Al whispered, turning from the room. "I can't even save Ed, after he gave everything for me…"

* * *

The entire ordeal was terrifying and exhausting.

But liberating and _exhilarating_.

Because I finally felt someone not just reacting to me, but _interacting_ with me.

I don't know who was there, if it was the same person who had been caring for me. I suspected that it was someone different, because they didn't try to restrain me when I fought back out of fear.

He helped me to stand. He held me against him, like a small child. And then he moved my head to see my reaction.

I can't describe the feeling that came over me, that he _cared_ enough to work with me, even though I can give nothing back in return. I couldn't keep the emotion inside, but it didn't threaten to spill out as tears; rather as a happy giggle, which never made it out because I was too shocked and too exhausted.

And then he taught me _no_ and _yes_. The motions were easy to understand, but that he taught me at the same time he wanted to say no-at least, that was my assumption-

Someone had been able to communicate with me.

If only for a moment, I grasped reality and knew what was going on, despite my lack of senses. I understood.

I repeated the motion like a trained dog, too overwhelmed with the small victory to stop, until I finally lost control of my strained, untrained muscles and slumped, too tired to move any longer.

I felt myself pushed back in my cage, which seemed a bit larger than before.

And I think I had a smile on my face as I disappeared to dream.


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for the reviews, guys! And a thank you to QAS, as I learned new terminology today. Ed has proprioception and interoception, which will be more apparent in later chapters.

* * *

Days pass as I await the supportive embrace to take me in his strong arms again.

I just assume he was male, as he must have been so strong, to hold me like it was nothing.

Unless I've wasted to nothing. And that's why I'm so weak.

Hell, what must I _look_ like?

I feel my arms lifted up and a slight strain on my shoulders as the person pulls invitingly. I obediently stand, feeling less difficulty every day at this action. But I dare not take a step forward, because this isn't the same person who lifted me the first time.

I know, because he doesn't catch me.

He didn't the first time, and I haven't given him a chance since then. He tries to pull me forward to take a step, but I lean back and let myself fall into the chair.

Maybe he's trying to help, but I don't trust him.

He's just my caretaker.

He's not the one who _cares_.

I don't want you, I want the one who cares.

As the words run through my mind, the support that held my arms disappears, leaving me standing alone, freely swaying dangerously as I try to steady myself in surprise. I inevitably fall back into the chair, but those supportive hands don't return, and it dawns on me.

Oh, no.

I didn't say that _out loud_, did I?

"I'm sorry," I gasp out, eyes wide as they search uselessly. "Please, I'm sorry!"

I summon enough strength to stand unassisted, reaching out to take a step forward blindly. I feel a sudden push, lacking any gentleness, and I'm back in my cage with a harsh halting of motion.

"I'm sorry," I try again, pulling my knees to myself and curling up, wrapping my imaginary tail around myself securely.

"Please, don't leave…" I await for a reaction from the outside world, but all is still and I drop my head onto my knees, the shuddering gasps threatening to bring fresh tears and soak the pants that I must be wearing.

The silence is deafening again.

The isolation is _overwhelming_.

I was a fool to believe in hope.

I have no senses, and no sense.

How can I have hope like this?

* * *

The door swung open, allowing Roy entry. Alphonse pointed to the living room, a dark expression that looked so alien on his face; on the boy who was always so innocent.

"Go to him, _Colonel_."

"Alphonse?" Roy questioned in surprise, obediently walking to the doorway to check on Ed. He frowned as he saw the blonde man curled up into a hopeless ball, closing himself off to the world more than was already done to him. "What happened?"

"Take him with you." Al shook his head, irreparable pain in his voice. "He doesn't-he wants _you_, not me. I can't give him the only thing he deserves. Only you can."

"Alphonse, what the hell has gotten into you?" Roy glared at the young man, not prepared for the outburst in reply.

"He doesn't _want_ me! I can't help him! He _knows_ it's not you helping him, and it's because I'm a _failure_ as a brother! He gave up his entire _world_ to bring me back, and I can't even give him a _hint_ of the happiness that you did!" Al's outcry had turned into _screaming_, but Roy stood fast. "He doesn't think I _care_, he _told_ me, he doesn't _want_ my halfassed help anymore, he wants _you!_" Al gasped and dropped to his knees, rage violently leaving him in a shudder as he broke into tortured sobs.

Before Roy could go to Ed, he knelt down to comfort Alphonse. He pulled the younger man into a gentle embrace, trying to find the right words. There are no right words for this.

"I'm sorry, Alphonse. There's nothing I can…" Roy sighed, holding the shaking boy tighter in his arms. "I can't take your brother from you."

"I want you to," Al whispered in a broken voice. "I can't be selfish and keep him with me out of guilt." _Sniffle_ "After all that he's given up, he deserves happiness. Even if-if I'm not the one to give it to him. Please, Roy, take him home with you. I need him to have happiness, please."

Roy rested his chin on Al's head, able to gaze at Ed's withdrawn state from their position. He closed his eyes and sighed, running his hand through Al's hair more as a comfort to himself than anything.

"I've seen the way you look at him," Al whispered, startling Roy out of his thoughts. "And I saw the way he looked at _you_."

"Al…"

"Don't deny it, not now. You admired him, even before, for his resiliency and his force of will. He never gave up, and you used that as a lifeline when you felt weak in the knees." Roy felt like he was having trouble breathing. "You saw a kid who had been beaten down but never stayed down. A child who became a man before he was ready to, but he _had_ to, and he thrived for it."

He was _suffocating_.

"And he always drew strength from you. Maybe you thought he shrugged off what you said, but he hung onto every word as the absolute truth, the guide to bring him closer to wholeness, not just in body, but in spirit."

His head was spinning.

"You need him just as much as he needs you," Al stated, the volition reverberating through his voice as he pulled Roy to his feet and faced him toward the living room. "Now go, Roy; make him smile."

Roy walked toward Ed as if in a trance. He stopped, took Ed's head in his hands, and eased the boy's head back. He waited as two lost eyes came to focus and searched around with such a startling lack of _hope_.

"You never gave up hope before. You're _not_ starting now."

* * *

It can't be him, can it? My caretaker hasn't done this, but _he_ has.

I nearly shiver as my head is pulled back slowly, as though inviting me out of my protective ball. I stare ahead, not wanting to leave the safety of my mind, the only thing I _know_ is concrete, to face false hope. I wait, but as I try to lower my head again, he holds it solidly. I search with my eyes, wondering if the strike of resistance in my heart makes it to my face.

I suddenly feel pressure on my head, pressing me back. My breathing grows difficult, and I try repeatedly to gasp for air, gaining limited access with just my nasal passages.

Panic grips me as I try to escape the restraint, finally registering when the weight is gone and I can breathe again. I lash out with my arm, feeling satisfaction as it stops suddenly in front of me-signifying that it connected with someone. I wait for another attack, but nothing comes.

Am I alone again? I lift my arm up hesitantly, reaching out. It goes so far before stopping, and I can't help but wonder if they're just watching me, or if they're trying to talk to me.

"Hello?"

My head is tilted back again, the motion that first brought me joy; but a moment ago, fear. Why couldn't I breathe? Was his hand over my mouth?

But I wasn't talking, was I?

I feel the pressure and the breathing impairment for a second time, but hold still as I try to discern what's _happening_. My head tilts slightly, and my heartbeat quickens-is that fear of the unknown, or excitement?

My breathing slowly grows heavier and he makes my head move back and forth, and I'm _so_ confused. He's not stopping, but I don't think he's trying to hurt me.

It is a _he_, right?

Because this kind of feels like it could be

A _kiss_.

I'll be honest, I've never had a real kiss. Only kisses on the cheek from mom and maternal figures in my life, and once as a kid from Winry. So I'm not sure, but I can't think of anything else it would be.

Testing my theory, I tilt my head to the side a bit more, pushing back against the pressure. As torturous or alien as it is, I can't feel my mouth, but I try to work the muscles as though I were just talking-

Oh hell, what'd I do?

There's a weight on my chest now, pushing me farther down into my chair; I'm more convinced now than ever that it's soft and padded. I can _feel_ my spine curve and my lungs struggle to keep up in their cramping cavity.

Finally, _relief_.

The weight, the suffocation, is suddenly gone. I'm left to catch my breath, my mind as hazy as my face surely is. I stare dumbstruck, two strong hands helping to slide me into a decent seated position from my haphazard slump.

_Was_ that a kiss?

I'm known for being a genius, a prodigy. My mind works circles around a lot of people. I'm so glad for that now, because I'm slow when it comes to romantic relationships.

What can I say? I spent my puberty fighting, not loving.

"Hello?"

I must sound so intelligent. After all of that, I utter the same word I had minutes ago, before the world started spinning and I was thrown from isolation into blissful chaos.

It must be enough, because there's a tugging on my arms, inviting me to stand again.

I'm stronger this time.

I can stand.

I don't fall forward.

I take a step, bump into his body, and wrap my arms around him.

He's back, and I'm not letting go.


	6. Chapter 6

I think I asked him if he was male. He nodded my head for me.

For good measure, I asked if he was female. Then he shook my head _no_.

But what if my mouth mixed them up? He might be a she.

It doesn't matter, because I'm not sure what my brain could have confused _kiss_ for when I said it, and was rewarded with the request.

I suppose a kiss is better when you can feel it, and taste it, and smell the other person. Hear their moans of pleasure, even.

But I don't have all of that.

All I have is the tremendous feeling of awe.

What kind of person is this, to put so much time and effort into someone as broken as I am?

To, dare I fantasize; _love_ someone who can't even know who they are?

How could he love me? I'm just a helpless, lost little plaything.

_Shit_ I didn't mean little! I'm not _small!_

I think I cursed aloud too, because I feel a sudden blow to my chest.

_That's_ new.

The hell?

Did you just _hit _me?

I reached out quickly, wildly, but was met with empty air. Confused and angry, I stand, somehow catching my balance as I walk forward with what I'm _positive_ is an irritated growl in my throat.

"Hey! You there?!"

Still no answer, but as I take a few more steps, weakness slams me. I'm stronger than I was, but still not strong _enough_. My knees cry, my legs buckle, and I go down.

But I don't hit the floor.

I'm floating in midair, upright but unsupported by my own legs. I focus and feel the smallest bit of difficulty breathing and realize I'm being held in a supportive, standing hug.

By _him_.

I wrap my arms around him again, and am rewarded with a tilting head and another kiss.

Another reminder of how much he must love me.

I don't know why he would, but I'm falling in love with him for it.

He always catches me. He's never rough about it.

And he seems to know _just_ what I need.

I know he's there right now. And somehow, I know he's watching.

So I smile.

* * *

I don't understand why he left again. I'm with the caretaker again, but I dare not voice my displeasure.

My caretaker is… faceless, naturally. I don't have a name, so I'm going to call it a _her_. Because _he_ can't be _her_. This might make it easier for my chaotic and detached mind to differentiate them.

She's not _awful_, but she's not him. She's not as strong either. But I trust her a little more than I did before.

I took a risk the other day, and walked when she pulled me forward. I made it a few steps before gravity and disorientation made me fall sideways, but she caught me before I hit the floor. I was frightened and gasping, and her embrace was decidedly less _gentle_ than his, but she caught me.

Now, I let her lead me around. I'm building up my strength, though I don't know what for. To live a long, healthy life?

_Ha_.

Each step is gravity tugging on my insides, on my bones, on my muscles. It's a haphazard guess of whether I'm balanced correctly or not, and even that is made more difficult by most of my left leg being artificial.

It's so quiet as I walk. Peaceful in a deceptively relaxing way.

As though I don't have to worry about where I'm going, and I'm free.

I'm still a prisoner, I'm no fool.

But at least _he_ is trying to get me back on my feet.

Because she never tried so hard until he came into my life.

But where _did_ he go?

Quiet, thoughts. Stop jumping around.

But that's all you have, Edward.

I know. Just… maybe he has responsibilities somewhere? A job?

For days at a time, Ed?

Maybe he has to travel.

Maybe you're just his _toy_.

Perhaps. But it's better than nothing.

My heart squeezes as the possible truth of him not _loving_ me crosses my mind, and I lose focus and nearly fall, but she catches me again. We're walking again, around in circles as always.

I'm getting tired.

I keep going, trying to improve my strength and endurance for him, for when he returns.

He has to return.

He's my reason to live.


	7. Chapter 7

I'm stirred from my thoughtful and pointless reverie by my arms being lifted and tugged upwards. As I do every day, I respond to it by standing obediently, awaiting her to lead me around the room.

She doesn't lead.

She doesn't move.

She still has my arm; it hasn't fallen to my side by gravity.

Why are we just standing here? I didn't say something stupid again, did-

My head is tilted back as a body bumps against me. I know my eyes widen on reflex as my heart leaps with the possibility-and I feel it again, the breathlessness as he steals my mouth from me again.

He's _back_.

I give him all that I can, and it must be what he wants, because resistance leaves my legs-he's lifted me off my feet as we kiss. I'm losing air fast, but that's not what's causing this dizzying feeling.

I am so damned drunk off of this feeling, off of want, off of _love_.

I wish I knew who he was, because I'm in love with him.

I fell for him, literally, and he caught me.

Free of the kiss, I laugh stupidly at the cheesiness of my own thoughts, wondering if he's confused by my laughter. He had to have noticed it, since I felt it rippling through me and leaving me with a giddy feeling.

I'm suddenly swaying unsteadily, and realize that my support is gone.

Oh shit, I didn't offend him, did I? I reach out, and feel him tug at that arm as it reaches him. He must want me to follow.

I walk with him eagerly, proud to show the progress I've made in my energy and balance. Which I lose as he leads me around a curve I hadn't anticipated, causing me to abruptly stop as I slip out of his hand and hit a wall.

I don't cry out, I don't gasp. I just stand there with what I'm sure is a confused look on my face.

"The hell?"

Both of my arms are taken this time, I presume to reduce the chance of another misstep like that, and I'm pulled through the room, around another corner, I bump _into_ something at waist-height, and finally, my nerves are fried and I resist his tugging, shaking my head as I gasp. The tug comes again, gentler this time, but I can't do it.

I pull my hands away, allowing myself to drop to my knees as I steady the spinning in my mind and the sudden, strange overwhelming of stress.

Where did this _come_ from? Why do I _have_ this feeling of anxiety?

I'm just going for a little walk, dammit!

I was the one who was eager for this, and now I'm _panicking?_

"Wait," I gasp out again, though nobody has tried to touch me yet. "Sorry," I continue, then repeat myself. "Sorry, sorry, fast, scared.."

I'm not lifted to my feet, but I feel my ribs being squeezed and my head tilted to the side, stopping as it made contact with… with _him_.

An encompassing calm comes over me as I'm held in his supporting arms, being given all the time I need to compose myself.

Steady your breathing, Edward.

Why am I panicking? Be rational, figure this out.

I feel my nerves settling as I use the scientific part of my brain.

Only, I'm not a therapist.

I'm an alchemist.

I was so eager before, to escape my prison.

I'm still locked away, but the prison just grew from a little cell to the whole compound.

There's new obstacles.

New _unknowns_.

I always liked to figure things out, things I didn't know.

But now…

Without my senses to interpret them, the unknowns scare the hell out of me.

_And that's why you're panicking, Ed_.

I was calm now, and probably worrying him. I lifted my head, slowly standing next to him. I feel him lift my hands again and give a gentle tug, as if he were asking for _permission_. While it's humiliating to need it, I thank him for it. I walk with him, feeling a new layer of confidence. I know what my fear is, and he understands me for it.

I wonder if he's someone I knew before this all happened.

We stop suddenly, but I patiently wait for the next instruction.

I hope we're almost there. I don't want to be seen as weak, I _have_ been practicing, but I'm starting to tire.

He pulls me forward, though there's more of a pull on my shoulders than my arms. What?

I step forward, but it's a bit jarring, because the floor goes _missing_. I gasp in fright as I don't feel the familiar shock of my leg connecting with the floor. I'm tempted to freeze, but he's still in front of me, still guiding me, so I let my foot fall.

Much later than it should have, my foot connects with a solid surface. As relief fills me, I realize that my heart is _pounding_, I'm shaking and breathing heavily.

Calm _down_ Edward, he has you! He won't let you fall.

He doesn't tug me forward, but I take the next daring step, feeling the same sensation. I suck it up and gain the same result, landing a bit later and a bit-lower?

Down. Down.

_Oh_.

All of that anxiety and I was only going down _stairs!_

"Stupid," I rasp, pushing forward much more quickly, annoyed with myself for having a fit over such a trivial obstacle. I feel a slight resistance from him, but I just push against it, clearing the remainder of the stairway in short time.

Only now, I don't really know where to go. I stand there and feel a sudden warmth wash over me.

Oh, what's that? It's really relaxing.

I can take a break now, right?

Apparently not.

He has me by one hand again, tugging on my arm. I mock annoyance on my face, throwing in a smile as I walk with him.

The ground is strangely uneven. Incline, decline, I'm tilted up, sideways, I even nearly fall backward before he catches me. It's all so insane that I just can't help but laugh. There's no sudden turns and no bumping into things.

He must have picked up on that.

Damn, he's awesome.

Once I realize that there's nothing to run into, I feel my confidence returning. I know it's getting the better of me. I let go of his hand, and before he can register, I take off.

I'm tired.

My lungs are screaming.

I don't know if I'll hit a wall.

I still can't see anything, but I have a shaky grasp on freedom.

And I'm _running_.

_Alone_.

The sudden thought brought sickening glee to me as I realized that as freeing as it was to be able to run unassisted, I didn't _want _to be alone. I wanted to share my joy with him. I stop, all too suddenly, and am sent ass over heels in a mad tumble across the unfamiliar terrain.

Oh, how I must look.

I wonder if he saw me.

Laughter bubbles up inside me and spills out, leaving me with no hope of standing. I feel a frantic tug on my shoulder. My world is upchucked as he rolls me onto my back.

But I can't stop laughing.


	8. Chapter 8

To QAS- I ship RoyEd as well as other pairings. Though Roy honestly held a deep admiration that developed into more, Ed has fallen in love with the unidentified man who has been caring for him, in awe of the love _he_ must have for Ed to love someone stuck in his position.

And thanks for the reviews, everyone!

* * *

"It's good to see him happy again," Alphonse remarked, sporting a genuine smile. "You're doing an amazing job, Roy."

"Thank you, Al. Though you know it's not just me. Have you seen the fire in his eyes? Especially when he gets tripped up by something," Roy added with a laugh. "You should have _seen_ his face when he realized he was freaking out over stairs. It was priceless!"

"You sound so heartless," Al sighed. "I'll tell you what I didn't miss, though. He got pretty overwhelmed in the kitchen, didn't he?"

"There's going to be a lot that's unfamiliar to him now. Even a wayward chair can be a danger to him and something to cause fear. He'll get past it. Just you watch."

"I hope you're right. He's sure been enjoying himself lately."

"Yeah. I'll tell you, when he took off running earlier-"

"He tried to _run away?!_"

"Apparently you missed that," Roy murmured. "He was just testing his freedom, Alphonse. He wouldn't run away. He stopped suddenly, tumbled over himself, and started laughing like an idiot."

Al glanced in the room to spot Ed napping on his chair, the day's events exhausting him. "He's made a lot of progress since you've been with him. Thank you, sir."

"I wonder what must be going on in his mind," Roy mused thoughtfully. "It sure seems like that's intact, but doesn't talk much."

"Without being able to hear it, maybe he's worried that he's saying the wrong things."

"And so he focuses on making sure what words _do_ come out are clear and understood."

"I have no doubt that he could manage in a set environment without any help," Roy said suddenly. "He's better at figuring things out than we give him credit for."

"Maybe, but he could still injure himself if left unsupervised."

"He can do that with or without his senses," he replied with a sigh.

Al couldn't help but laugh. Roy was right.

* * *

After our walk, I can feel him backing me up against my chair. My legs hit the seat and I lower myself into it, leaning back in contentment. I'm ready to drift off for a nap, but my arm is tugged on, stirring me out of the peace.

Huh?

I tilt my head, focusing intently as the arm is moved to the outside of the chair on my right, then smacked against the side.

Okay, now I'm confused. Is there a kid here? Playing with me?

My arm is being bent and pushed back, before it's made to smack at the side again. I pull my arm away in confusion, but it's simply moved back into place.

And the point is?

My arm is bent once more, and suddenly I feel like I'm falling. My legs fly up and my body reels back, sending me into a panic as I reach out blindly for support.

I try to yell out to stop, for help, for support; but my brain tells me that it was only a strangled cry.

It honestly takes me a minute to realize that I'm steady again, but my body is still horizontal and I still feel like I'm floating and not in control. My head is still spinning from the sudden motion, and I feel nauseated enough to consider vomiting.

My head is bent back, and fear grips me again. A pressure assures me it's just _him_, but I still feel like I'm falling and I turn my head away, gasping in lingering terror.

What did he _do?!_

I try to put my feet down on the floor to get up, but there's something under them. I can't move.

I try to grasp for support as I lift my upper body, but there's nothing there and I'm too shaken to get up.

I fall back and cry out weakly, feeling my body shake terribly.

I was doing so well. I had so much control.

I was starting to really make progress.

Was he just setting me up to break me again?

I feel a shuddering gasp escape me, but I didn't feel like fighting the tears this time.

The wind escapes me as I feel a harsh blow to my chest, snapping me out of my spiraling thoughts.

He _hit_ me again!

Why the hell does he keep hitting me?!

And after _he_ caused my panic, too!

I swing out wildly, enraged further when my arm connects with only air. I try again to sit up, my frightened shaking dissipating enough that I can no longer feel it. I feel myself fall back with another push, then a hit to my chest again.

"_Asshole!_"

He has the gall to try and kiss me again, but I really plow my hand into his head, and feel myself move as he rocks the chair on his fall to the floor.

My satisfaction and anger is short-lived as I calm down and realize that he hasn't tried to move me again. I wait for several minutes, the grasp of loneliness latching into my heart with an icy grip. I gasp in fear and regret, turning my head pointlessly.

"Hello?!"

I reach for him, but my arms sail freely through the air. I try again to upright myself, but my legs are still blocked by the phantom force beneath them.

Concern for _him_ and frustration finally surmount my perception of limitation, and I lift my legs up, _slamming_ them down with all of my might.

_Whups_.

Whatever had been holding my legs up crashed downward, disappearing underneath me. The momentum I had thrown into my body sends me tumbling forward, landing in a stunned heap in the floor.

I feel somebody moving me, studying me. It's hurried, jerky, and leaves just as quickly as it arrives.

"Hello?"

There's a silence and stillness as I'm left in a half-slump on the floor, knees strained from the apparent hard surface. I hang my head forward as I wait in hope of guidance.

Because I'm just completely lost without it.

He can abuse me all he wants, I can't fight it.

Because I can't survive without help.


	9. Chapter 9

"Hell," Roy moaned, slowly sitting up in his seat. "What happened?"

"Ed punched you," Alphonse replied, just the slightest hint of amusement in his voice. "What did you do to him?"

"I tried to teach him how to use the recliner."

"Apparently it didn't go very well?"

"He panicked when it laid him back, and once I snapped him out of it, he just grew really angry. When I tried to get him to relax, he um…" Roy rubbed his tender temple, wincing at the pain.

"Knocked you flat on your ass with one punch." Al chuckled lightheartedly. "Well, he's certainly… calmed down." Al motioned to the living room, where Ed was curled up in his chair, chin on his knees as he stared through the universe with resignation on his face. "When I heard you hit the floor, I came running and made it just in time to see Ed fall out of the chair. He was fine, but I think he's… lonely again."

"He needs to get his independence back," Roy murmured.

"How can he, Roy? He gets lost in the same room. He can't feed himself, he can't use the bathroom or bathe himself…"

Roy had a thoughtful expression on his face. He turned his gaze to Ed, the blonde's only movement coming from his breathing. "I'd bet against you on that, really."

"You couldn't even teach him how to use a recliner, Roy. How can you expect to teach him to eat? Or, heaven forbid, take care of his hygiene?"

"Let's tackle that recliner first." Roy stood and made his way into the living room, Alphonse tailing him curiously.

"Do you really think you can teach him?"

"We're going to find out right now." Roy pulled Ed's arms away from his legs, earning a noise of disapproval as the arms went right back to where they were. "You stubborn little shit." Roy pulled the arms away again, yanking Ed's feet to place them onto the floor.

"Asshole," Ed muttered again, crossing his arms indignantly.

"I hear the sentiment in that." Roy went to Ed's right side, placing the blond's hand by the reclining lever and giving it a tap.

Immediately, Ed tore his hand back with a panicked expression on his face.

"No!"

"Yes," Roy encouraged, placing Ed's hand there once more. He hit Ed's hand against the lever, then mimicked the pulling motion. He carefully studied the controlled fear on Ed's face, repeating the hitting and pulling several times for Ed, then tapped on his chest. "Your turn, Edward."

Ed lifted his arm curiously, eyes gazing around as he processed the information in his mind. After minutes of hesitant reaching and his mouth moving silently, he slowly reached down, tapping his hand around the lever. It took relatively few taps for him to find the solid protrusion, furrowed brows and sudden determination appearing on his face as he mimicked the pulling motion, setting the recliner into action.

His legs flew up and bounced slightly, his upper body fell back, and his head smacked against the plush headrest. He gasped in surprise, but kept his trembling relatively under control as his focused eyes showed that he was _processing_ what had happened.

"Ed?"

He reached down for the lever that was no longer within reach from his current position, but paused before he could let it affect his composure. He tapped the footrest with his heel, following suit with both feet. Lifting higher each time he thumped it, he finally found the right pressure to push the footrest down and lift the back of the chair, _much_ more gently than the first round. As he sat upright again with focused confusion on his face, his sudden outburst made Roy and Al laugh.

"What the hell kind of chair is this?!"

Roy stood, tilting Ed's head back gently. He stared at the widening golden eyes that suddenly filled with emotion.

"Roy? What are you doing?"

"You mean you've never caught us, Alphonse?"

"Caught you _what?_"

Roy leaned down, pressing his lips to Ed's. He pushed forward, giving Ed the sensory pressure he needed. In reply, Ed's hands connected with Roy abruptly, resting on his lower back before pulling him closer.

Ed made an effort to join Roy in the kiss, delighting the older man. His arms wrapped supportingly underneath Ed's rear, earning a blush and a mad giggle as he lifted him up for a better kiss.

"_Colonel!_" Al hollered his disapproval.

Roy paused from the kiss long enough to answer. "I thought you supported us, Alphonse."

"Some would think you're taking advantage of him!" Al crossed his arms. "He doesn't even know who you are!"

"Does he need to?" Roy frowned. "You know it's not possible for him to live as he used to, with the same moral standards that we have. You said it yourself, he needs help for everything. You know how prideful Ed is; can you imagine what it's like for him, that you have to take care of his every need?"

"But he can't even feel the kiss!"

"Judging by how he kisses me _back_, I beg to differ."

"Hey! Kiss!" Ed's disgruntled call caught their attention, the blush still on his face. "And don't think I don't know your hands are under my _ass_, I can feel deep-tissue sensation!"

Roy laughed at the slack-jawed shock on Al's face, obliging Ed with another kiss.

"As little as he talks, _that_ comes out of his mouth." Al put a hand to his head as it shook in disbelief. "Well, I'll condone it if Ed will."

"Thank you for your blessing, Alphonse." Roy chuckled as Al walked away, red in the face.

* * *

I mastered that chair. I _mastered_ that chair!

Although I still feel stupid that it caused me so much panic on the first round.

I can make myself lay down in the chair whenever I want. It's really a nice change of orientation.

And as dumb as it is, I feel more in _control_.

Although since I've spent so long sleeping upright, I sometimes wake up in a panic when I'm horizontal.

It happens again. I wake with a start, feeling dizzy and anxious. I slam down with my heels, rocketing myself forward-and by some miracle, even though I'm thrown out of the chair, I manage to remain standing.

My heart is _pounding_. This is so annoying.

Feeling brave, I slowly begin to walk around, both of my hands spread forward to field any sudden obstacles. I try to remember the steps I took with him, and after what seems like an eternity, I keel over as something waist-length trips me up. Gasping nervously, I give myself a moment to perceive, and realize it's probably just a table-as half my body was laying on it, but my feet were still touching the floor.

Call me short again, I'm taller than the _table_, Mustang!

It takes me a minute, but I upright myself. I begin my blind exploration again, bumping into things more gently this time. I continue bumping the wall with my hand, my hip, and my foot; using this method, I'm able to follow it flawlessly.

I must be making a lot of noise. Where are they? Isn't she around? Did he leave again?

I do another smack of my hips, realizing how silly I must look doing this, but the thought falls dead as I suddenly feel myself falling.

The wall just gave _out!_

I didn't hit it that hard, did I?!

I lay dazed for a moment before rolling to my side, assuming I'm uninjured. My bones don't ache, my muscles don't burn. My head just thumps a bit, but it's dissipating.

I bet I'm bruised all over. _Haha_.

I shakily stand again, taking a few steps forward. My arms contact nothing as I suddenly slip forward, careening off of some invisible cliff.

While I haven't felt pain in a while, I'm glad that the one in my arm isn't all that bad as I slam roughly into something solid before rolling. As I finally come to a complete stop, I let myself lay, figuring I'd only get into more trouble if I kept _exploring_.

My body temperature is steadily growing lower.

I wonder if I can still shiver from the cold? Maybe I'm doing it now, but I don't even realize it.

Wait, cold?

It's not that cold in my room!

Am I _outside?!_

Oh, hell. Kitchen, door, stairs.

Edward, you _idiot_.

I wonder if I can make it back inside without incident.

I feel around curiously, but I must have rolled far enough away, because I can't _find the stairs_.

Oh, no.

I don't feel the sun warming me.

I'm outside, at night, with nobody around.

I try to keep my wits about me as I cry out for assistance.

"Hey! _Hey! _Someone, help!"

Calm your breathing. Hyperventilating will only make it worse.

"Help! Hello?!"

I wait for much longer than it should take someone to come to my aid, but I'm still surrounded by the cold loneliness. I feel a shiver as the cold and the dread work in tandem.

"H-hello!" I yell louder, at least I _think_ it's louder. "Someone please!"

I remain on my hands and knees, feeling incredibly helpless. I could be just inches out of arm's reach of the stairs, but I have no way of knowing.

"Please," I gasp, reaching out for someone to take me back indoors. "PLEASE!"

I bow my head as I receive no answer, shaking terribly from the cold and the fear.

Some animal could come and attack me. Could I defend myself?

I wouldn't even know it was _there_ until it was on me.

What if it's colder out here than I realize? I'm shaking, is that from shivering?

The rationalization of my situation isn't calming me as it usually does. Because usually, I'm indoors.

Where I'm warm.

And safe.

I yell out one last time for help, but nobody comes.

Nobody can _hear _me.

I scream.


	10. Chapter 10

"_Edward!_"

Alphonse and Winry were at Ed's side in minutes, pulling on his arms to shake him out of his panic.

"Ed _stop!_" Winry cried, tugging furiously as Ed's tortured scream cut through her. "Ed, _please!_"

Ed's screaming died down rapidly as they pulled him off of his hands and sat him the few feet away on the stairs, shaking his shoulders to get his attention. His wide, frightened eyes searched frantically as he tried to speak coherently.

"H-he-hello? A-Alphonse? S-someone-there?"

Alphonse wrapped his arms around his big brother, something that Ed usually resisted. He shook, crying as Ed relaxed in his arms and rested his head on Al.

"Al, we need to get him inside," Winry said quietly as she wiped the tears from her face. "He's still shivering; it's freezing out here."

"Yeah. C-come on, Ed." Al pulled away and tugged at Ed's arms, surprised by how quickly he responded and stood.

Guided by Al as Winry moved possible obstacles out of the way, Ed followed obediently, having no clue that his skin was pale and icy to the touch. He stumbled on the stairs, but kept going because Al caught him; never hit the kitchen table on the way in, and made it to his chair much, much more quickly than he'd ventured away from it.

Winry materialized a thick blanket, sliding herself under it as she nestled next to him. He seemed to sense her presence, responding with thankfulness as he spoke.

"Cold," Ed shivered. "You'll...get cold."

"Oh Ed," Winry laughed on a sob. "Don't you dare think I'm leaving you for something that silly." She put her arm around his middle, squeezing tenderly.

Alphonse reinserted Ed's IV as he snuggled peacefully with Winry, a smile making its way to his face. Ed had scared them senseless with his sudden screaming, waking them from their sleep.

Hadn't Ed tried _calling_ them first?

It's not like they could ask.

Knowing where Winry would spend the rest of her night, Al shared a short kiss with her, taking up residence on the couch nearby.

* * *

"Yes, Roy, I told you. He managed to get outside. At _three in the morning_."

"Well, he's clearly...growing bolder," Roy replied dumbly on the other end of the phone call.

"He couldn't find his way back in, and he started screaming. I don't know if bolder is a good thing..."

"He's going to learn from that, you know. I doubt he'll go outside alone after last night."

"I hope not. I don't think I can-_Edward!_" Al dropped the phone as he rushed to Ed, who was up and wandering, studying the layout of the kitchen with knocks and kicks. "What are you-"

As soon as Al grabbed his arm, Ed froze in place with a guilty expression on his face. "Ummmm I was just… I want water?"

"But Ed, your IV takes care of…" Al sighed when he realized that Ed had torn out the IV _again_. "Fine. I'll get you water." Al led Ed to the kitchen table, sitting him down gently. He ran over to the phone, muttered an 'I'll call you back' and hung up on Roy.

Ed sat patiently as Al put the smallest amount of water into a mug for him, stood with him, and held it to Ed's lips. Tilting Ed's head back, he tipped the water-but was surprised when Ed turned his head just enough to yank away.

"Ed?"

"I can do it." Ed cupped his hands together to hold the mug, waiting expectantly. As Al reluctantly sat the mug in Ed's hands and guided it to his mouth, he released his grasp, curious to see if Ed really could do it.

And why couldn't he? It's only a cup of water.

Some of the water _did_ make it into Ed's mouth. Most of it, however, landed on his face and trickled down to wet his shirt collar. He had tipped it up too high, and it was both comical and disheartening to see Ed sitting there with a cup balanced on his face, curious eyes darting around.

As soon as Ed moved, the mug dropped to the floor. It shattered, just an audible reminder of Ed's disability and Al's heartbreak.

"Is that all?" Ed asked expectantly, furrowing his brows. "So little."

Al sighed, quickly returning the shattered pieces into a mug and placing it out of harm's way on the table. He pulled Ed to his feet, leading him back to the living room to the recliner. Moments after he sat Ed in the seat, he was knocked over as Ed got right back up.

"Too much sitting," Ed complained, taking one step-into Al-before tripping and crashing spectacularly to the floor. "-Hell!"

"Some days, it is," Al replied quietly, pulling himself to his feet. He pulled Ed upright and led him outside, guiding him down the short flight of stairs. He smiled when he spotted the confident recognition on Ed's face.

"Outside? Is it day?"

"Of course it is, Ed. Besides, I'm with you!"

Al accompanied Ed for some time before Ed tugged his arm away.

"Brother?"

Ed began walking freely and slowly, arms held out as though welcoming the world. His eyes closed as his head tilted back, staring at the sun through lids he couldn't feel with eyes that couldn't see.

Al watched his brother in wonder, running forward only once Ed dropped to his knees and sucked in a sharp gasp. "Ed?!"

"I'm lost," Ed cried, hands squeezing the cool grass. "No matter... I'm still... I can't get free..." He shuddered and started crying in anguish.

"Ed, please..." Al wrapped his arms around Ed's shoulders with a squeeze, shocked when Ed threw him off.

"At least Al could _see_ and _hear_ in the armor!" Ed screamed, lashing out once again and slamming his hand into Al's face. He stood rapidly, bolting away from the house at an alarming speed.

"_Brother!_" Al leapt to his feet, chasing madly after Ed. "Stop!"

Ed may have been the older brother, but the unfamiliar terrain slowed him down enough for Al to tackle him. This made Ed fight harder, trying to escape as Al restrained him.

"Let me go, let-me go! I don't-I can't _do_ this anymore!"

"Ed, calm _down!_" Al wrapped his arms around Ed, pinning his arms to his sides. His already aching heart shattered as Ed tried to pull away from him, failed, and started _screaming_ as loud as he could.

"Winry! _Winry!_" Al cried as loud as he could, forcing Ed to his knees on the ground. Ed's screaming was ear-splitting, and he knew if his cries didn't summon her, the screams would.

Winry abandoned her work when she heard the commotion, racing out of her workshop so quickly that she nearly didn't open the door in time. Crossing the distance in record time, she arrived to help Al try and comfort Ed.

"What happened?!"

"He just-it _got_ to him, Winry! His condition is-Ed, _stop!_" Al yanked back on Ed, who had nearly freed himself. He somehow forgot that Ed's training allowed him to slither away from danger, and within moments, Al and Winry were chasing after him again, the screaming abated... if only momentarily.

"He's going to get himself injured!" Winry cried, reaching Ed just after Al grabbed him again.

"No, he's-not!" Al twisted his body, throwing them both to the ground. "Take his leg!"

Winry froze with a wide-eyed gasp. "Wh-_what?_"

"Take his _leg off, Winry!_"

"_Alphonse!_ He has so little freedom, and you're going to limit him even more?!"

"He's going to get himself _killed!_" Al suffered an elbow to the ribs, pinning Ed once more. "Do you want him to _die_, Winry?"

"He already did," Winry whispered quietly, tears beginning as she knelt down to take Ed's greatest tool to freedom.

Ed's cries had since become incoherent babbling, mixtures of pleas to be freed and yells of resistance. He was crying more than Winry, but his strength hadn't waned one bit in the struggle.

It took only moments for the leg to slide out of the port, becoming a dead weight of medical technology rather than the hopeful freedom it had been moments ago. Winry clutched it to her chest as she stood and backed away, still shaking with silent sobs as she watched Al release his handicapped brother.

Finally freed, Ed swung out to connect with only air. He gasped from the stress he had been under, trying to make it to his feet to run.

And failed.

Ed cried out as he fell down, attempting again to repeat the process. He tried a second time, his fervent anger turning to panic as he made a third bid for freedom and only landed on his side in a debilitated heap.

He remained there, heaving and gasping as his condition slowly sunk in.

Al and Winry cringed, awaiting the yelling and screaming-

But he only curled up on himself, tucking his head into his arms as he went still.

* * *

I didn't scream. I didn't lash out.

They took my leg, my last vestige of freedom.

I'm a shell of who I was, _what_ I was. I can't live like this.

Every glimpse of freedom reminds me of how hard I have to fight just to do the smallest things. It's a reminder of how limited I am.

And dammit, I need more interaction with _people_. But I can't do that anymore.

Freedom, my ass. I'm just a prisoner, stuck forever in this inescapable cage.

My only true release will be death.

She's denied me even that.

Please, if you care for me, if you _knew_ me before, give me the ultimate mercy.

Let me _die_.

Free me from this prison.

I tear out the IV again, as I do every day. I don't want this fucking lifeline. I want death, can't you figure it out?

I can't run from your forced care, because you took my _leg_.

And I fear it's only a matter of time before you restrain my arms so that I can't remove that damn IV.

It doesn't matter. I've heard that heartache can kill a person.

And with my morbid past, I have enough to kill a homunculus. Death should come quick. After all, it's not like I can open my eyes to escape the terrors of my mind and return to the loving faces of those around me.

My prison isn't just physical limitations. Though that's probably what _you_ think.

I've had a lot of love and happiness in my life.

It's not enough to chase away the demons. They're carving at my soul just the way I'm carving at the IV.

Don't-no, get _off_ me! I swing wildly as I feel restraint, realizing that I've probably drawn blood at the IV site. _Good_.

I feel a new sort of pain, a tiny prick in my neck. It's gone as soon as it arrives, leaving behind a small pressure. My hand reaches up to it, but slides back down to my lap as I feel a sudden heaviness to my whole body.

She...she _drugged_ me.

All I can think of as I slip away from consciousness is reaching for the sun, consumed by darkness as Gluttony swallows me whole.

My entire world goes white, and I'm out.


	11. Chapter 11

To clarify- Ed _can_ feel pain. (And pressure!) Only if it's severe enough or deep enough to reach below the surface, as when he fell on the stairs on his tumble outside. A broken bone would be incredibly painful for him. He only felt the syringe deep under the muscle, as a teeny twinge.

* * *

I slip in and out of awareness. Day after day.

Maybe it's weeks. I don't have any sense of time now. They keep me drugged so often.

Probably because I give them _reason_ to.

Every stretch of consciousness I have, I sob uncontrollably, trying to find release from the torment in my mind… and to dehydrate myself. I tear out the IV once I've cried myself out of tears and vomit whatever is left in me. I feel the insufferably familiar prick, and the hellish whorl of black and white swallows me again.

Why won't they let me die? Can't they _see_ I can't live like this?

He hasn't come back.

I'm too broken.

I can't be loved like this.

My heartbreak at his loss only adds to the pain that has become my soul.

And with those damn drugs, it's hard to wake up from the nightmares and find false freedom.

A haze accompanies the ascent out of my drugged state. How long was I out? Hours, days?

I don't feel all too much weaker, I don't feel any atrophy. It hasn't been long since this began.

It's amazing how quickly a shattered spirit can spiral downward.

I make one last effort before they can bind my arms.

I have to be careful… they might hear what I'm doing. I just hope they're not watching me.

Pull at my left arm… yep, the IV is in again. Carefully, find that spot with your right hand. Come on Ed, save the helplessness until _after _the deed. Grab it, grab it. Close your hand and pull, see if you got it. _Tug, tug_.

Good job, Edward!

Go to hell.

You can still be an ass to yourself, that must be worth something.

Lift your hand… tug the IV out… good, now meet your hands and grasp the tube. _Tug, tug_. All secure.

Lift that glorious, damning tube. Wrap it around your neck, carefully…

It kept me alive, and now it's going to allow me to die.

I pull on both ends of the tube and feel my windpipe constrict. My breathing becomes labored, and I'm sure a sanity-deprived smile appears on my face.

As my mind becomes clouded and fuzzy, my arms slacken; I keep my grasp on the tube, but I can't breathe, and everything is so hazy. I just hope I don't release the tube before I slip away to permanent darkness.

I can _breathe_ again. What?!

Did I fail? Did I let go of the tube?

No.

As I feel the choking, gasping, coughing, gagging, and sudden vomiting, my arm is lifted from me again. I know the IV is reinserted, and my failure stings in my broken heart.

_Just let me die, will you?_

The familiar prick appears in my neck once my breathing is nearly normal, and I drift off to my hell once more.

* * *

"Al, we can't let him _suffer_ like this."

"He gave up _everything_ for me, Winry. He said he would give his _soul_ for me. You weren't there, you didn't hear him. But I was. And damned if I'm going to turn my back on him and let him give up. He _never_ gave up on me."

"This is hardly a life for him, Alphonse! He could never be truly happy again, and you know it. What he's being put through now is pure torture. Don't let him go through any more misery."

"I hope you're not talking about…"

"Yes, _Alphonse_, I am. Just… give him what he wants, okay?" Winry wiped her tears away the best she could, keeping her gaze away from the pale, depressed form of her childhood friend. "You have to let him go. Let him have peace."

"I can't… I just… I can't _give up_ on him, Winry. What if… if there's a way to restore him…" Al had been trying so hard, he really had, but the knot in his throat was unbearable and he couldn't stop the tears forever. "An even trade," he gasped, putting his arm to his eyes. "What if I trade myself-"

"_NO!_" Winry screamed, jumping to her feet. "Alphonse you will _not_ do that to your brother! He gave everything so that you could be _whole_ again, do you honestly think he would _allow_ a sacrifice like that?!"

"He's less than I was in the armor, he gave _everything_ for me, and all I can do is make this shadow of a life pure _hell_ for him! I owe him!"

"The only thing you owe him is your happiness and his. And you know what that means, Alphonse." She stood and left the room, sliding into the recliner with her catatonic friend. Her arm wrapped around his middle as she cried into his chest, weeping merciful tears for the loss of her best friend.

She knew he had left them days ago.


	12. Chapter 12

"Colonel Mustang, thank you for coming," Winry said quietly, inviting Roy in.

"Just Roy is fine, Winry." Noting the forced smile on her sad face, he frowned. "How is he?"

"He's… Roy, he can't _stay_ here. I know Al asked you before to take him. Please, he's only ever smiled when you're around. He can't-we can't do anything-please Roy, make him _happy_ again!" She broke into sobs, rushing forward to clutch at Roy's shirt. "He _deserves_ happiness…"

"All of you do," Roy replied comfortingly, pulling her into a firm hug. He released as she lifted her head, offering her a smile. "I'll see what I can do."

Winry led Roy into the living room, glancing back when he froze.

"What have you _done?_"

Edward was pale and motionless, the only sign of life being the rising and falling of his shallow breathing. He had allowed his head to freely hang forward, bangs obscuring the view of his face.

But what struck Roy hardest, angered him most, was the absence of Ed's automail leg.

"He kept trying to kill himself, Roy. We didn't know how to stop him, so we... He's sedated." Her voice was shaky and almost inaudible, but in the silence of the room, it was deafening.

"He was hardly even _depressed_ when I left, Winry. How did he become suicidal in a week?!"

She cringed at the anger in his voice, but didn't dare turn and run. "He can't stand living like this. Trapped inside his mind."

"He's not trapped. He's as free as he damn well wants to be. Until you took his _leg_ from him." Roy stepped forward, kneeling down to get a look at Ed's face.

Ed's dull golden eyes were half-lidded, set back in their hollowed sockets. They didn't contain even a shadow of the fierce determination they once held, and didn't twitch with each breath. The eyelids opened just a hair as Roy lifted Ed's chin, trying to elicit a reaction.

"He's... still sedated," Winry said quietly.

"Like hell he is. Look at him. He's awake. He just doesn't want to leave his mind."

Roy stood, taking Ed by the wrists and pulling upward. Receiving not even a resistant budge from the blonde, Roy tried again. This time, at least, he received a response as Ed pulled back, pressing his back against the chair.

"That's right, fight me, you little shrimp." Roy pulled harder, not giving Ed the chance to tear his wrists away. He dared not release his grip, even as Ed cried out in anguish.

"Just let me _die!_"

"Like hell I will!" With a rough yank, Roy steadied Ed on one foot, trying to fan the sparking fire in Ed's composure.

With a willing slackening of his leg, Ed went down-but Roy was quick to catch him, then throw him roughly into the recliner.

"Drop that pity, Edward! It doesn't suit you." Roy slapped Ed across the face, earning a raging growl.

"I said _let me d_-"

Roy silenced him with another forceful slap, grabbing him by the collar and lifting him up. Two weak hands met his arms, but didn't struggle against him.

"I don't want to hear that out of your mouth again, Edward, or so _help_ me..." Roy dropped Ed unceremoniously into the chair, stepping back as Ed lashed out with a growl.

"Who the hell are you?! Why do you keep _torturing_ me?! You already have my _leg!_"

"You heard him, Winry. Get his leg."

"But-"

"Now."

Winry hurriedly appeared with the automail leg, inching closer to her angry friend. She waited until Roy grabbed Ed's calf and gave it a good yank, sliding a protesting Ed nearly out of the chair.

"What-the hell are you doing?!"

"Put it on."

More rapidly than she had ever done in the past, Winry shoved the leg into the port and locked it into place, leaping back as he screamed in agony and lashed out futilely.

Within moments he was only a gasping heap, dangerously close to slipping out of the chair altogether.

"You have your leg back, Ed. Now get up." Roy grabbed Ed's hands, placing them on the automail and moving them, causing the calf to lift in effect.

Furrowing his brows, Ed repeated Roy's action before releasing his leg. Both heels contacted with the floor, jostling his body just enough-and he comically slid out of his chair, hitting the floor on his rear with confusion on his blushing face.

"Hey what-" He swiped out with his arm, but met only air. Still shaky and weak from the reattachment, he made his way slowly to his feet, testing the waters by taking a few steps. "Why did you give it back?"

"Because you asked for it, dummy." Roy reached out, offering a hand for support. Ed initially shied away from it, but after a moment's hesitation he accepted. "Who has me?"

"Promise not to punch me?" Roy chuckled, stepping forward to lean Ed's head back. He was rewarded with widening eyes, though he didn't expect the sudden pain in them as Ed tore himself away.

"_No_. You weren't here. You always leave," he gasped, crossing his arms over his chest as though it would heal the ache. "You always leave and then it gets so bad..."

"It won't happen again. I promise." Roy pulled Ed against him, holding the shaking blond comfortingly in his embrace.

"Please don't leave, I'm only happy when you're here..." Ed buried his face into Roy's chest, sniffling heavily. "I can't...I can't bear it without you..."

"You won't have to." Roy sighed, a shuddering sigh that even Ed could feel. "Winry...I'm taking him with me."

Winry hung her head slightly, hiding her eyes...but Roy didn't miss her smile. "I'll get his things ready."

"Thank you. And where is Alphonse?"

She stopped suddenly, glancing at the front door. "He went into town to pick up a shipment for me. He should be back any minute..."

"Very good. Thank you." Roy offered her a soft smile as she ran off to pack Ed's supplies. "Well Edward, are you ready to ride on a train?"

Roy's thoughtful musing was interrupted as the front door opened, revealing Alphonse carrying several large packages. He managed to juggle them quite well, considering their collective mass was proportionately larger than he was.

"Alphonse?" Roy cringed as his voice broke Al's concentration...and nearly broke Al's bones when he dropped the packages, burying himself under them. "Alphonse! Are you-"

"Fine," Al called weakly, climbing out from underneath the pile. "I'm sorry, I didn't expect you to be here..."

"Neither did I. Winry asked for me to come." Roy sighed, running his hand gently through Edward's hair. "Taking his _leg_ was hardly the answer, Alphonse."

Al took a breath to steady himself before answering. He _knew_ it wasn't the best decision, not even remotely the _right_ one, but he didn't know what else _to_ do.

"Neither was letting him run into something that could _kill_ him, sir. Do you realize how close we live to the creek?"

"So you strip him of the only thing he can use to escape his mind?!"

"I'm trying to keep him _safe_, Roy!"

"You're keeping him trapped in prison." Roy looked down at the top of Ed's head as the tears had slowed and turned to trembling. He squeezed Ed's shoulder, earning a hug around his middle. "I have already spoken with Winry about your offer. Edward is coming home with me today."

Al's breath caught in his throat as he received the news. He lowered his gaze to one of the packages, lifting it and setting it on the table.

"I have been... searching, for a possible answer. To help restore his senses. But I..." He sighed raggedly, turning back to Roy. "I'm not doing right by him here. I can't give him what he needs. I don't... He's my big brother, Roy. I'm not used to taking care of him, he always watched out for _me_, he shouldn't have to be like this because of me, he shouldn't be so _broken_ while I'm whole..."

Roy left Ed's side long enough to lead Alphonse to his brother. He positioned Al's arms around Ed, giving enough of a squeeze for Ed to feel the pressure in his ribs. Ed in turn wrapped his arms around Al's middle, the golden eyes of both men meeting for the first time in months.

"Brother... I'm so sorry." Al watched Ed's gaze as it jerkily glanced around in front of him. The sight blurred as his silent tears spilled out. "You paid so much, and I've only caused you pain..."

Roy stepped in, lifting Ed's hand away from Al's middle. He brought the hand up to Al's face, gently wiping away his tears with the thumb.

Ed furrowed his brows as his hand was released, holding it just inches from his brother's face. He reached forward with a frown, running the heel of his palm gently over Al's cheek.

"Crying? Are you crying?" His hand remained in place as Al nodded, receiving the signal of motion. "Why? Did I make you sad?" His hand nearly slipped off Al's face as he shook his head vehemently. "Oh... Well then don't cry! He's here now and I'm gonna be fine."

"You know I'm not Roy?" Al asked in surprise, gazing at Ed's concentrating eyes. He tested something, lifting Ed's head back by the chin-but only received a slap across the face.

"Hey! I'm no whore! Only _he_ can do that!" Ed pulled away from Al, crossing his arms indignantly. "And since you're probably wondering, I can tell because you're _shorter_ than he is."

"If he ever knew that he slapped his brother across the face," Roy said with a chuckle. "You'll come visit us in Central, won't you?"

Al nodded, leading Ed to Roy with a heavy heart. "Of course. I… um, thank you, Roy. I'm sorry that I couldn't-"

"No more apologies, Alphonse. They won't help anyone. Just keep on that research for your brother."

"Of-of course." Al went to work with the pile of packages, pulling out various supplies for Roy to pack. In short time, Al had gone over them-the IV and catheter, instructions on their use and caring for Ed, the blond patiently clinging to Roy the whole while. His eyes were focused as he tried to interpret what was going on around him.

"Okay, that's everything!" Winry called as she arrived in the kitchen. She stopped short when she spotted Al, relaxing once she noted that Al had been informed. Though she was worried, as he seemed to be taking this awfully well.

She hadn't seen him crying.

"Oh! Well, you've got it taken care of already." Winry smiled. "Now don't forget, change his-"

"Al informed me," Roy quickly reassured her, going a bit pink at the mere thought.

"And sterility is key!"

"Duly noted. Don't worry; I've changed wound dressings before. This won't be a problem."

"Good. Because he's not really fond of the whole process."

Roy stared at her in shock. "He can _feel_ that?!"

"Just before it gets to his bladder," Al admitted, carefully packing the supplies. "But without it… well, we're not always around when he has to _go_, and he's commented that the catheter is less embarrassing than accidents."

Roy stared at Ed, who was, thankfully, completely oblivious to their conversation. _First things first; I'm teaching you to find the bathroom._

"There's a lot more than just supervising him," Roy commented, watching as Winry wrote down the components to his IV bag. It was a startling list of vitamins, minerals and nutrients.

"If we could only get him to eat," Winry replied with a sigh. "That wasn't a good day…"

"What happened?"

"To sum it up?" Al frowned. "Choking, gasping, fighting, gag reflex, vomit."

"He hasn't let us try to give him solids or liquids since."

"The IV really is his lifeline."

"Unfortunately." Al managed to pack a month's worth of supplies, including clean clothing for Ed, into two suitcases. He set them on the table, seeming to sober in dawning realization. "...Thank you, Roy… for… giving him another chance."

"Of course, Alphonse." Roy handed the clothing suitcase to Ed, who nearly fell over at the sudden _weight_ placed into his arms. He hefted it into his arms with comical determination on his face. They all laughed as he stood there, only determination and wavering patience keeping him still.

"What the hell did you give me? It weighs a ton!"

"Your baggage, of course." Roy chuckled, taking the more sensitive-and liquid laden-of the two packages. Roy reoriented the suitcase so that Ed's hand was clutched securely around the handle, giving it a light shake to remind Ed to not let go. He took Ed's freed right hand into his own, smiling. "Well, I think we're ready."

"Right." Winry smiled, walking forward, hesitating just before she met Ed. He was eager and curious, but also a bit nervous. She slid her arms around his chest, squeezing him gently in a parting hug. He never pulled away, even when he received a second hug from Alphonse.

"Now don't let me find out you're abusing that leg," Winry sniffled, giving it a kick before sending a fist playfully to his chest. "Or I'll-"

"I'll take care of my automail, Winry," Ed said with a cheerful smile. "I promise."

Winry nearly knocked Ed over as she _tackled_ him in a crushing hug. She only released when he wheezed out a complaint about suffocation.

Alphonse was left unmentioned and alienated as Ed assumed that his mechanic was just there to see his re-attachment and subsequent departure. He simply shook his head with a smile when Ed tugged on Roy's arm eagerly.

"We'll see you both later," Al assured Roy, waving with Winry as Roy left with his brother. They stood on the balcony as the two walked confidently, hand in hand, toward the train station.


	13. Chapter 13

I'm excited.

But I'm also, admittedly, _terrified_.

It's not that I'm getting on a train for the first time in...well, how long _have_ I been sensory deprived? I don't even know the passage of time. It could have been months or years.

It's that I'm leaving… _home_. Moving.

I got to hug Winry today. She was there with my caretaker, to reinstall my automail. I've never been so happy for the pain.

I've never been so happy for her to _hit_ me.

Oh crap, I dropped it again. I tug on his arm, and he helps to put the handle back into my betraying hand. I think it's a suitcase...at least, that makes sense, considering we're leaving.

I wonder what color it is.

Focus, Ed, keep your grip on the suitcase.

See, I can feel changes in my bones, but my hands are tricky. I have to squeeze so hard that my bones almost _hurt_, or, as I once found out the hard way by _falling_ on them, bending the fingers back the wrong way. Luckily, I can keep a fist if I focus.

_Squeeze_.

Walking with him is peaceful. He's smart enough to direct me around obstacles before I trip over them, and within five minutes, he taught me to step higher when he tugged up on my arm as we walk. Of course, a few stumbles helped to drill that into me.

I don't feel a lick of embarrassment from being led around like this. It's not like I could do it myself. ...And stay out of trouble, that is.

I must have grinned at that thought, because he pulls my head back for a haphazard walking kiss. We both sway unevenly and I feel myself laugh as we break apart.

"Crazy."

His hand squeezes mine so hard that it hurts. Good.

We stop suddenly, and his hand leaves mine. I decide to be an adult and overcome my stupid reaction of panic, and simply shift my weight as I wait for him to return.

Stop fidgeting.

Well it's not like I can watch people to pass the time.

Oh! You're back!

I smile for him as he leads me again. I move my arm; good, I still have the suitcase!

Oh, maybe he was getting tickets.

I wonder where we're going?

Someplace old, someplace new?

We stop, and he takes the suitcase from me. I open my mouth to question him, I think; but he tilts my head _forward_ just enough to confuse me into silence.

I become a puppet as my arm is lifted, followed by my automail leg. There's a sudden pressure on my ribs, and I think he wants me to...climb?

_Oh_. We're getting on the train.

I wonder how many people are behind me, watching this crippled man try to climb onto the train.

Hell, I'm so blind, so _numb_.

I turn my head just enough to apologize to anybody who might be waiting behind me.

"Sorry for making you wait."

I feel pressure on my spine as he pushes on my back. Is he being reassuring, or is he trying to get me to move?

He wouldn't rush me, would he?

The word passes through my mind often. Almost daily.

_Burden_.

Somehow, it never feels accurate when he's around.

I feel another push on my back, and it hits me.

I haven't _moved_.

I've just been standing here, waging an internal war.

Shit, shit, _shit!_

I think I'm losing the war. I'm losing my grasp on reality. I duck my head, realizing _again_ that I have yet to move. _Crap!_

Those people around me, behind me-I bet they're staring. They must think I'm brain damaged. Oh, god, what must _he_ be telling them? Will he guard my dignity?

What dignity, Edward? You're _still_ standing in that same spot.

He pushes on my back again, harder this time.

Is he rushing me? Is he trying to shake me out of it?

I can feel their stares. I know they're watching as I start to break down.

I can't stop. I'm frozen in place, I can't _mo_ve, I feel like I'm suffocating even though my breathing has grown faster. My head is spinning, and I feel nauseated. He moves my other arm up to the doorway, but I tear it away and stumble backwards, slamming into a body. I can't even manage an apology as I try to get out of their way so that they can board. After only a few steps I hit my knees, suffering from a stupid damn full-on panic attack.

Godammit Ed get it under _control!_

You can't let people see you like this! You're the Hero of the People!

Who gives a fuck anymore? I'm just a shadow of what I once was.

No, you're making yourself out to be that, you wuss. Stop pitying yourself, you hated it when other people did it for you!

I... I... _dammit!_ I need reality. I need a grip on reality, I'm just stuck here on the ground, trying not to vomit from my overpowering thoughts.

When did I get so _weak?!_

This is hardly weak. For lasting so long like this?

Like what? Yeah, a shadow of myself.

_He_ loves you. _He_ still wants you. Now stop paying attention to yourself, he's trying to get your attention, dumb alchemist!

He's trying to lift my head up, to look at my face. I don't want him to see it yet. I don't know what expression I have, but I can still feel myself gasping for air for _no reason_ at all. I hold up my hand, hoping I'm giving him the 'uno-momento-por-favor' signal as I struggle to regain my breathing and silence my unruly thoughts.

His hand remains on my back, with just enough pressure for me to _feel_ it. To be my anchor to reality, to relative sanity.

As I'm coming out of it, I remember.

The reason we're _here_.

"Did we-miss the-the train?"

The pressure on my back disappears as my head is shaken to say _no_.

"They're not-holding it for us, are they?"

There's no response this time, and I know they are. _Shit_.

"Sorry," I manage, making an honest effort to stand-but I still need him. Luckily, my pride has already taken all of a beating it can, and I lean on him as much as I need to. I'm still shaking from the attack. I hope he isn't having second thoughts about taking in someone who is so _broken_.

We're moving again. He puts me in the same position as before to board the train; this time I step up inside with no hesitation and no faltering. I do try to take a step where there are no more and consequently faceplant into a wall, but hell, I made it into the train this time!

Are we going in a public car? Or did you get us private seating?

I could tell the difference. It depends on how the seats are oriented, and their width. See, I'm blind, but I've ridden on-and _fought_ on-enough trains to know these subtle differences.

Dumb thing to be confident about, but with how unsure my life has been since that transmutation, I'll take whatever I can get.

* * *

Public car. _Whyyyy_.

Not that I want to be treated like royalty for our ride. Or hole up and leave you antisocial just because _I_ can't interact with other people.

I must be imagining it, because I still feel their stares on me.

Is it really just paranoia?

How does my hair look? I reach up and try to find it, but without feeling in my fingers, I can only make my hair worse as I grab and yank it.

He pulls my hands away. I hope that means he's fixing my hair.

"Do I-look okay?" I ask hesitantly, trying to sit up straight and proudly. Not that I had always done in the past, but...

My weight shifts as he pulls me against him. I lay my head on his shoulder, as always meeting him with too lacking of gentleness.

If I'm gentle, I can't _feel_ it.

His hand rolls up and down my back, flexing the vertebrae in my spine in an odd new feeling. But it _is_ soothing.

I can feel it, but I still miss the sensitivity of light touch. The shiver I would feel as his fingers floated across my tanned, scarred skin.

_Ooh_, I almost felt it.

At least I can imagine it.

His touch suddenly disappears. The seat below me moved just enough for my center of gravity to shift, and it takes me a moment to realize that he had gotten up. I stand to follow, despite him not taking my hand to lead me; I'm rewarded with a firm push on my shoulders, easing me back into my seat.

Where are you going?

"You're leaving?"

He nods my head.

I feel panic grip my heart like ice, making each breath painfully obvious.

"You're-leaving me on the train?" I try to voice my fear into a more suitable yes or no question...one to which I hope will yield a more desirable answer. "Are you coming back?"

Relief floods me as he nods my head again.

Why would you even _think_ that he would abandon you on a train?

After my stupid act earlier, he might be changing his mind about me.

Yes, but he wouldn't leave you _helpless_ on a train.

As had been the norm lately, my thoughts run rampant, driving forward and swerving around much like the train carrying me. I'm interrupted, though, by a weak and impatient tugging on my arm.

Does he want me to follow him? I start to stand, but the grasp releases immediately, leaving me confused. I can't follow without his guidance.

Moments after I flop back onto the seat, a series of pressures and weights assaults my legs. My upper body goes forward as someone pulls on my shirt.

Understandably defensive, I press myself against the train seat, gently pushing away with my arms. I don't think it's him.

My left thigh rises-someone is lifting my leg. _Hey, wait!_

What if they're trying to _take_ it?!

I lash out with my arm just after I kick upward, feeling both limbs connect roughly with the person in front of me. I'm trying to keep my fear from affecting my breathing, though I'm sure my eyes are wide.

The following stillness assures me that my attacker has gone, allowing me to exhale shakily with relief.

I just don't realize how quickly the peace will be shattered.

My body jolts forward, the hand on my collar halting my movement as suddenly as it began. My hands fly up to try and defend myself as the person gives me a rough shake, but they're not loosening their grip one bit.

"Let me go!" I gasp, sending my hand out to slam into their head. A strong grip stops it, but my collar slackens as well, leaving me shaking and frightened.

"He-hello?"

My arm is released just as a light thump hits my chest, telling me _he_ is there.

What _happened?_

* * *

"_Hey!_ Who you do think you _are?_"

"Colonel Roy Mustang, ma'am," Roy replied just as strongly, releasing the woman's arm just after calming Ed with a knock to the chest. "And I don't appreciate you assaulting my friend."

"Me assaulting _him?_ You didn't see him attack my daughter!"

Roy's gaze turned to the sniffling child who was dramatically holding her arm as though it was seriously injured. She couldn't be older than five.

"Perhaps you could both tell me _exactly_ what happened?"

"Why don't you let your _friend_ tell you?! He's the one who-"

"Ma'am he is deaf and blind and was merely defending himself against a perceived attack." Roy's words silenced her immediately, his glare averting her gaze from Ed as he sat there innocently.

Innocent was hardly a word Roy would use for Ed before the sacrifice.

"I-I just wanted to play with him," the girl sniffled, watching Ed sadly. "I asked him a coupl'a questions but he didn't answer me."

Roy knelt down next to the girl, reaching out to gently ruffle her hair. "Sorry about that. My friend Ed here can't hear or see anything."

She gasped in amazement. "His eyes and ears don't work?"

"No, but his mind does. Come on, would you like to say hello?"

"But he won't hear me."

Roy smiled and let her over to where Ed was still seated patiently, swaying his body gently to some unheard tune.

"What's your name?"

"I'm Ruby." She beamed up at Roy, revealing eyes as red as her namesake.

"A name as beautiful as the girl it belongs to." If there was one thing Roy knew how to do, it was flattery, and it earned him an adorable giggle.

"Okay, I'm going to put you in front of Ed and put his hands on the top of your head. He also has some trouble feeling things, so he might smack you on accident. If he hurts you, just let me know and I'll smack him too." Roy's wink made her giggle again as she nodded.

Mom watched cautiously as Roy positioned Ruby in front of Ed, doing exactly as he'd explained. He tapped Ruby's head gently with Ed's hands before pulling his own back.

Arms still held in place where gravity should have made them fall, Ed knew there was something in front of him. He ran his hands down her face, neck, shoulder; and as he ran his hands back up to her head, his focused eyes widened. He tore his arms back, staring directly at the girl in front of him.

"What-is this a _kid?_"

Surprising mother and daughter, Roy nodded Ed's head manually.

"Oh, oh no," he gasped. "I didn't-is that who I _hit?_"

There was a much slower nodding this time, Ed's head slipping out of Roy's grasp as he hung it in shame.

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry, I didn't-I thought you were trying to take my automail."

"I just wanted to see all of your cool leg," Ruby admitted. She climbed into Ed's lap, tapping his chest with a smile. Once she had his attention, she gave him a super awesome hug full of love. "I'm not hurt, honest."

Ed hesitantly reached for her, hand tapping her back. He wrapped his arms around her and smiled, apologizing again.

"Y-you give really nice hugs."

"Aww, thanks mister Ed!" Ruby squeezed harder before releasing, hopping off the smiling blond's lap to rejoin her mother.

Roy knew that Ed had enjoyed the company, so he decided to resume. He pulled Ed against him, holding the blond nearly in his lap as his arms wrapped around Ed's middle.

Making a small noise of protest from the initial shift in position, Ed quickly settled into Roy's embrace with a content sigh. His hands bumped around until they hit Roy's, and adorably, he held hands with him as he closed his eyes and relaxed.

* * *

This white that I always see is deceptive. In darkness, at least, you can ignore what you see and write it off as imagination. But with the white, dreams and visions seem so real.

In the past few weeks, there were a lot of demons in that white expanse. Homunculi, Kimblee, Tucker, even a crying chimera named Nina.

I wished so badly for darkness, but the only black I saw was the manifestation of my darkest nightmares.

I learned today, though, that hugs from a child are magical.

Because, as I lay here with him, I see butterflies fluttering around.

I haven't been so at peace in so, so long.

With his arms around me, the familiar motion of a train under me, and the innocent forgiveness of a child, I finally feel that I've found serenity.

I actually don't care that my senses are gone.

If only this moment could last forever...


	14. Chapter 14

All happiness has to eventually end. Without the bad, how could we enjoy the good?

But, _dammit_, why does that bad have to be in the form of a _headache?_

Did I hit my head while I slept?

From the way my spine is curved, I'm still in his arms, so that's not what happened.

I shift my weight ever so slightly, but slump immediately. I'm slept out, but holy hell, I feel _exhausted_.

He doesn't move. Maybe he hasn't awoken yet. That's all right… I'll just try to dissolve the headache with more rest.

_Crap_, I can't go back to sleep.

I _feel_ the groan in my throat, it's so loud.

My center of gravity shifts as he moves under me. Oh _dammit_, I woke him up!

My head pounds unforgivingly when he uprights me to escape the weight of my body. I don't want to move my head to lay back down, but I still feel too tired to sit up. I slowly lower myself down to the seat with a soft groan, feeling him press on my ribs in what I assume is concern.

"Head," I assure him, curling my arm around my skull. "Ache. Hurts."

The seat shifts weight underneath me again, telling me he's gone.

* * *

"Is mister Ed sick?" In the seat ahead of them, Ruby had stood and peered down at Ed as he napped.

Roy looked up from his take-along paperwork with a smile. "No, he just has a little headache. He'll feel better after his nap, I'm sure."

"Can't ya give him any medicine for it? Mommy says I can't have any 'cause I'm too little, but mister Ed doesn't look little."

_Of course I'm not little! I'm a grown man!_

Roy chuckled as he imagined Ed's outburst, despite the immediate wrenching of his heart that followed when he realized Ed may never have the chance to react like that again. He reached over to brush back the golden locks that had become moist with Ed's breath, frowning at the sight of Ed's knitted brows.

Maybe Ed _was_ sick?

Reluctantly noting that Ruby was still watching, Roy pulled back the waistline of Ed's loose pants just enough to check the urine bag. He had been warned about possible infection-

"Ewww, is that his _pee?_"

"Ruby," her mother hissed, thankfully paying attention to her daughter for once. "Sit down and leave those nice boys alone."

He mentally thanked her as he checked Ed over, noting only that the urine was darker than it should have been. But why? He tried to remember what could cause it.

Ed's soft moan reminded Roy of the headache. He reached into his traveling bag, pulling out a small bottle of aspirin. Surely, that wouldn't hurt him. But how to give it to Ed? If he can't feel anything in his mouth, how would he know to swallow?

He stared at the bottle as he tried to envision possible scenarios. They all ended with Ed choking or vomiting, and Roy wasn't keen on putting Ed through any pain or public embarrassment.

_Hell_, what to _do?_

"Are you gonna take those?" Ruby was back to being her nosy-well, curious-self. She pointed to the bottle. "You gotta take pills with water."

"I want to give one to Ed for his headache," Roy explained; "but he can't feel anything in his mouth, and… I don't know how to get him to swallow them."

"Oh." She frowned, bright red eyes focusing as her mind went to work immediately. It only took her minutes to come up with the answer that Roy didn't even think of. "Can't you teach him to drink water?"

"But he can't feel it in his-"

"Can you teach him how to use a straw?"

Roy's jaw hung agape as he realized how _obvious_ the solution was. If Ed could just suck through a straw, he could control how much liquid went into his mouth at once. It would prevent choking altogether… and give Ed that feeling of control that he'd been so devoid of lately.

"Wanna use my juice box?" Ruby handed Roy an unopened box of apple juice with her winning smile, giggling when he stared at it dumbfoundedly. "You hafta poke the straw in."

He followed the instructions of the five-year-old, hearing an amusingly satisfying little _pop_ as the straw broke through. He sheepishly asked her to hold it as he had forgotten to sit Ed up first.

Not that the blond was going to be agreeable about it.

Ed groaned and pushed Roy away as soon as he was moved, signaling to Roy that he actually was _not_ napping. He had been laying awake and in pain for several hours without even bothering Roy to find some sort of relief.

"Edward, you can be so stubborn sometimes," Roy sighed as he tried to upright Ed once more. He received no more resistance, save a whiny protest.

"Don't...move, my head… _owwww_."

Roy took the juice box from Ruby again, pausing as he wondered how to signal to the heavily-breathing Ed that he would have a straw in his mouth.

"Here comes the hard part…"

* * *

Leave me _aloooone_ my head is _killing_ me.

Why didn't the headache go away yet?

I haven't even been able to sleep.

Even though I feel exhausted.

I'm upright, are you happy now? _Ow. _Ow.

He tilts my head forward. _Ow_.

He hits my _throat_.

Surprisingly, _that_ doesn't affect my headache.

I slouch forward, but that doesn't seem to fit with his plans for me. As he pushes me back against the seat, I shamelessly release an exaggerated sigh, leaving my head slumped forward.

A pressure on the back of my head. What are you _doing? _I thought you wanted me to sit back. I begin to lean forward, but my next inhaled breath quickly turns to pure hell-

Choking, gagging, _inhale_ on accident and I can _feel_ the cool liquid as it spasms in my windpipe and I try to hack it back up without _vomiting_ all over the train car.

Did he _seriously_ just try to give me water?!

I resist the urge to backhand him, if only because I don't feel I have the energy. However, as he tilts my head forward once more, I _seriously_ reconsider it.

The pressure is on the back of my neck again, and despite the clouding of my mind from the headache made _worse_ by my coughing fit, I brace myself for this round.

I try to swallow rather than inhale, and though it's weird as hell to use muscles you can't _feel_, I experience a victory as a small amount of liquid travels toward my stomach rather than my lungs.

Though my head pounds harder from the simple motion, I lift my head in curiosity.

"Water?"

He nods my head. _Ow_.

But how am I drinking with my head tilted _forward?_

I'm sure the answer is obvious, but it's really not that easy to think with a painful thump in your head that you can't ignore because your head is all you _sense_.

Squirt?

Well I didn't sip it so he must have-

Straw.

Edward you're supposed to be a prodigy.

_Straw_.

I could hit myself for not realizing it sooner, but he would probably be alarmed at the gesture.

"Straw?"

I'm rewarded with a hug around the shoulders, compressing my bones considerably more than usual. Is he _proud_ of me for figuring out something so painfully obvious?

"More," I insist tenaciously, cupping my hands together for the container. It may have taken me longer than it _should_ have to figure out how they were feeding me, but dammit, I'm gonna show them I can _do_ it myself!

I feel my hands being raised toward my mouth. He must've put the-bottle? Cup? Container into my hands.

Praying that I don't look like a complete idiot, I open my mouth and, I'm sure, just about gag myself with the straw as I almost eat my own hand.

If I could just _feel_ crap.

Don't think about the other people, Ed. Just shut your mouth and take a swig.

I don't care if it's just him watching, I'll be embarrassed as hell if I missed the straw.

Seconds go by; a miracle is performed. By my own hands, by my own _mouth_, I take a gulp of the liquid. I pause only for a moment to take a shaky breath before returning to the drink with gusto-but empty it after only two more swallows, lowering it in disappointment.

"It's empty."

I relax with my hands in my lap, both proud of my achievement and sheepish that I have to be taught how to drink water.

I can't dwell on either feeling for too long because the pounding in my head hasn't improved. It earns a heavy sigh from me, a firm weight on my leg moments later.

"Headache," I remind him. "Pills?"

Maybe it's possible, now that I can drink again. Maybe I can find some _relief_ from this pain that has hounded me all day.

Then I could enjoy my victory.

* * *

Roy was grinning like an idiot.

Ed had made an important step forward, which Roy was so _proud_ of him for it.

Aware of Ed's continued pain, Roy fetched a glass of water, crushed the aspirin into the liquid, and stuck that wonderful straw into the glass. He had never thought much of straws, viewing them only as amusements for children; but with the advent of Ed's development, he couldn't be happier for their invention.

Keeping it level to avoid spillage, Roy aided Ed in drinking the full glass of water, chuckling when Ed sucked on air a few times before releasing the straw. Roy looked up at the sudden sound of clapping.

"Yaaaay mister Ed can drink water! And I helped!" She giggled madly, tugging her mother's arm to share the news. "Mommy look!"

"Ruby, you shouldn't-"

"Actually ma'am," Roy interrupted, removing the glass from Ed's hands before it could fall and shatter; "Your daughter has been a big help. Edward hasn't been able to drink anything in nearly a year. And now I might be able to take him off the..." He trailed off, eyes widening in horror.

They left at noon, walked under the hot Risembool sun for _miles_ to the train station. A panic attack before they boarded. Ed had fought fearfully once he was on the train and slept peacefully through the night, drooling as he dreamed.

Over twenty-four hours had passed since Ed left home and Roy had _forgotten to reinsert the IV the entire time_.

He felt nauseated. Ed was suffering because he forgot something so _vital_. No wonder Ed had such a pounding headache from _dehydration_, or that his urine production had decreased, Roy had been entrusted with the _life_ of the disabled blond and he forgot something so important it could cause death if neglected.

_I'm sorry Ed, holy hell I-_

He snatched the IV suitcase, tearing into it to get the IV drip he _should have_ been using since yesterday for Ed. It took only minutes to hook it up, though it would have gone faster if not for Roy's trembling hands; and with a moment of rigging on the seat next to Ed, gravity went to work to feed Ed the liquids and minerals he was so quickly losing.

"What was all of that?" Ed uttered, Roy painfully aware of the slight rasp of dryness to his voice despite the water and juice he'd had minutes earlier.

Roy tapped the IV site, watching Ed's eyes widen in realization. He cringed as he was _sure_ Ed was going to scold him for his mistake-

"It was out? All this time you forgot?" Ed's jaw dropped, but he shut it with a _clack_ of his teeth, frowning his disapproval. "Well I can drink now so why the hell did you put it back in?!" After fumbling to find it with his right hand, he tried to tear it out with a yank.

Roy's hands flew to Ed's, holding him by the wrists. "Not yet, Ed. It's been an entire day, we'll supplement-"

"Well if you _really_ want to leave it in," Ed muttered, leaning back. "But I want more water."

Already guilty from his supreme failure, Roy obediently provided Ed with more water. And more. He finally switched to juices, not wanting to upset electrolytic imbalances-but after he noticed Ed's belly pressing against his shirt, he cut the blond off.

"Hey! More!"

"You want more, hm?" Roy pressed on Ed's belly, earning a gasp and a painfully accurate punch to his cheek.

"_Hey!_ That hurt!" Ed purposefully scooted away from Roy, stopping once he bumped into the window.

"That's because you drank too much, idiot." Roy sighed as he gathered the few glasses for the stewardess as she made the rounds. He thanked her with a charming smile before sending her off, laying back in the seat with a sudden feeling of exhaustion.

He remembered feeling this way before, after a spat with Edward in his office. It was _dealing_ with such a high energy, stubborn kid.

He turned his gaze to Ed, who was careful of his bloated middle as he tried to place his feet on the back of the seat in front of them, inching his back down bit by bit. He chuckled as he watched the antic, mentally congratulating Ed when he succeeded, despite the position hampering his breathing considerably.

"Do you intend to stay like that?" Roy knew he wouldn't receive an answer, and his poke to Ed's ribs elicited no reaction. With a sigh and a sip from his requested glass of wine, he matched his pride to Ed's and slid down in the seat to mirror the cramped position, finding it considerably less comfortable-but, he didn't know martial arts _monkey_ style like those damn Elric kids. He wasn't nearly as flexible.

As he stayed in the position, his muscles relaxed enough to find comfort in the awkwardness. Reaching over and claiming Ed's hand in his, he allowed exhaustion to lull him into a nap as he noticed a content smile behind the the golden curtain of Ed's bangs.


	15. Chapter 15

I know I don't say it enough-but I really love everyone's reviews. ❤

And, yes, it has been almost a year since Ed's senses were taken. At the time of Roy's first visit, it had already been months-hence Ed's mental spiraling and muscular atrophy. If you have any other questions, don't be afraid to ask!

* * *

He forgot to put me back on the IV drip for a whole _day_. I'm a little nervous; is this guy an airhead?

Might explain how he fell for someone who's disabled.

But Winry wouldn't ship me off with someone with a deficit in mental capacity, right?

At least I'm no longer dehydrated. All of the water he fed me yesterday cleared out the pounding in my head and the dizziness I had felt. The only downside was the aftereffects.

I hated. _Hated_ that trip to the bathroom.

But my bladder was filling every five damn minutes and no _way_ that little bag strapped to my leg was gonna hold it all!

My quick recovery and success with the straw didn't lessen my embarrassment one bit when he led me to the bathroom slowly, no doubt walking like an _idiot_ due to my tenderly-full bladder, to take care of my... _private_ needs.

He didn't take the catheter out. Thank goodness. I wouldn't trust the sterility of the train bathroom either.

He _did_ make me stand with my legs against the toilet, hand holding the tube through which I _urinated_, letting it drip as he emptied the bag.

There is no end to my humiliation.

"I don't want to wear this," I complain irritably, tempted to yank the damn thing out for good. Maybe I'm getting too bold for my condition. He gives me a glimpse of freedom, a few beautiful feathers; I try to rebuild my tattered wings.

I'll never fly again, I know it. And it hurts like hell.

I hang my head in defeat as I silently await the reattachment of the _bag_.

I'd rather have automail reattachment. It's painful as hell and a reminder of my handicap, but it's a far cry from the embarrassment of being an invalid who can't even take a _piss _unaided.

Lost in my thoughts, I don't even notice the shaking and gasping of my sobs until he lifts my head up. I tear away from his gaze, not wanting him to see the raw weakness I feel.

_Why_ do you love me?

I'm disabled. Completely fucking useless, unable to contribute to society or even to _you_.

So I learned how to drink out of a straw. You still have to fill the cup, stick that glorious straw into it, and place it in my unfeeling hands.

I'm still completely dependent on someone else for survival.

Do you _realize_ how I lived my life before now? I helped everyone else. I saved lives, saved towns. I saved the _country_.

Well, okay, I had help.

But I'm not used to relying on people so much, and to be unable to get around, unable to _survive_ without assistance... Yeah I know, I need to suck up my pride.

Maybe it won't always sting so badly. Maybe I'll adjust to being helpless, to being a sensoryless cripple.

He lifts my head up again, and I realize that I've stopped crying. Maybe my waning self-loathing stopped the tears.

The pressure on my neck as my breathing grows difficult. My spine as it curves backward, resistance likely in the form of a hand on my back.

Unless he's touching my ass again.

I briefly wonder if anybody is watching. Including that kid. The thought is forgotten as his kiss shifts my neck to the side and I'm reminded of his love for me despite my inabilities.

Wait. We're in the _bathroom_.

Of course nobody's watching us!

He's kissing me in the _bathroom!_

In the bathroom after he emptied my _piss_ out of a plastic _bag_ and he had me hold a dripping tube in front of a _toilet_-

I'm not schooled in romance or love or anything, but I don't think kisses in bathrooms are very endearing. Or hygienic.

Like hell if I'm going to voice my thoughts. I indulge him as he's chosen to do with me, leg bumping against the toilet as I lean against him and do my best to return the kiss.

I always thought I'd end up with Winry. I like her, despite her somewhat… sadistic? abusive? nature. She's really sweet and has caring, healing hands and enough love to change the world.

Instead I have _him_. When I fell from god's domain, she didn't heal my wings. She didn't show me that they were still _there_.

I wish I knew his name. I wish I could see his _face_.

My arms wrap around his back, the rush of emotion causing me to forget about where we are and why we're here.

I can't think beyond this moment.

Everything could end. He could find someone with beautiful wings and fly away.

Nothing is forever. So I hold onto what I have here and now, because the passage of time eludes me and I drift so easily in my white world of fluctuating hope.

_Don't ever leave_.

* * *

We had one more night of blissful peace. One more night to feel the constant wonderful comfort of the train rails beneath me, one more night to sleep in his arms in the safety of his embrace.

Shortly before we drifted off to sleep, I asked him a few yes or no questions, to which he answered as always my moving my head.

"The kid I hit earlier. Is it a boy?"

_No_.

"She's a girl?"

_Yes_.

"Did I hurt her at all?"

_No_.

"Does she know I'm sorry?"

_Yes_.

"I'm sorry, you probably want to go to sleep."

_Yes_.

I went silent, but a squeeze around my middle assured me that he didn't mind my questions.

I haven't asked him any new ones since then, as everything was self-explanatory. When we woke, I knew it was day. When he removed my IV, I knew we were nearly there.

When I slid off the seat after the strange forward pull of gravity, I knew the train had stopped.

I can't help but laugh as I make my way to my feet again, indignantly pushing away his hands as he tries to help. As soon as I'm standing, he shoves my suitcase into my chest, gladly acquiescing my desire for independence.

I proudly make it off the train without stumbling or hesitation, clutching the suitcase with one hand and his arm in the other. Or maybe he has _my_ arm. I have no idea.

I bump into things as we walk. They might be people. Is this place that crowded?

"Are we in a city?" I receive no answer, just more tugging and more accidental collision.

Stop

People, _stop_ running into me-

The next one knocks me off balance and I hit the ground, hand slipping away from _him_.

I let the suitcase out of my grasp as I hug myself, taking a minute to calm the sudden swelling of panic in my chest.

The stress was hitting me again, but it's just a goddamn _train station_, they're just people, it was just an _accident_-and again I found myself being tugged on by him as he tried to stand me up while I waged war with my own mind and forgot the outside world.

I manage to stand, forsaking the suitcase as I clutch his arm like a child holding onto his parent for dear life.

In public, Edward? Get a _grip!_

And not on his arm, either.

"Suitcase," I manage, releasing him tentatively. "I dropped-I dropped it."

He patiently returns it to my hand and leads me through the crowd again, this time at a slower pace and with less collision.

And I don't _panic_ again, either.

We suddenly stop, interrupting my thoughts. I wait patiently next to him, thankful for the little swing he gives my arm to remind me that he's still _there_.

One sense, man. Just give me _one_ sense.

I feel a sudden squeeze around my arms and shoulders, and I should realize that it's a hug but it's so unexpected and my stress levels are still jumpy-

I gasp and shove away, somehow managing to keep hold of the suitcase, though the hand he had led me by is slack. He's-where did he go?!

I back up in uncertainty, but my heel catches something and I go down. My head slams the solid ground, dazing me enough for the coherency of my thoughts to become questionable; but as I feel myself being lifted, I tear away in fear.

You're being unreasonable, Edward!

_Am_ I? You don't know if it's him or not! Someone could have attacked him!

And without your senses, you'd never know the difference.

_Shut up!_

I grab my head as I try to silence my warring thoughts, gasping as I lash out at another grabbing hand.

I try so hard to be rational. To separate the real from the imagined. But I have so little input to go on, everything I know about _outside_ is how I interpret it, and answers to questions that I can't even _hear_ myself asking.

Maybe he _is_ trying. I know I sure as hell am. Although I question my mental stability constantly, and moments like these really drill in the only truth in reality that I really _know_-that trapped in my mind, I'm slowly going mad.

I feel a sudden hit to my chest, and I know it's him. I just swipe out, yelling in rage as I scoot backward.

Why should I keep trying? What am I trying _for?_ Some sense of normality? Some hope for a happy life?

My life is hell. He gives me glimpses of the sky, but it's just a reminder that I'll never feel the sun again or see the smiling faces as they enjoy the weather.

Who was I ever trying to kid? I can't keep living like this.

I curl up and sob into my knees, once again breaking apart in front of him.

I don't

_Care_

I just want to be normal again.

That will never happen.

I just have to try to adjust...

If not for me, for him.

And Winry.

And Alphonse, wherever he is.

Holy hell, what if _Mustang_ saw me right now?

As strange is it may seem, that thought was sobering enough to bring me back from the brink. I lift my head up, wiping the tears that must be coating my face, and give a weak sniffle as I extend my hand for assistance.

I feel myself lifted rather easily, the hands releasing my arm and moving to tilt my head curiously. I make an effort to cast my eyes downward as I apologize.

"I'm sorry. I... There's so much that goes on that..I can only _guess_ at..."

He nods my head and pulls me into a gentle embrace, tearing away when I ask my next question.

"Do you hate that I'm so broken?"

He whips my head from side to side, as though appalled by the mere mention of it. I stumble as he pulls me once more into a hug, nearly squishing me under the pressure.

Is it really possible that when you look at me, you don't see the same thing I do? You don't question why I continue this struggle; you don't see me slowly losing control of the only thing I have left-my mind?

I don't want to keep suffering. I want to be happy, just like every other human on the planet.

It's something I've always had to fight for, all my life. Dad, mom, Alphonse. Now, _me_.

I've made amends to everyone else, every other part of my life. I wonder if I can make it through this...this _deprivation_ and come out sane.

Yet like everything else, I'm not alone. I still have friends, I still have support behind me.

Dammit, I'm going to try. I take a step forward with him, wondering what my facial expression had been telling him.

I wonder if he knows the _turmoil_ in my head for all the silence I offer.

He sits me down and bows my head, sliding me into somewhere. I don't fight, but notice a startling lack of room to move after he releases me.

I don't let it bother me, because he sits next to me and takes my hand comfortingly. I let myself relax...until I feel us moving again, though it's much more sudden than the train ride.

With his hand in mine, I can almost bear it. The sudden lurching forward, the sudden stopping; the turns both ways that would send me flying if not for the seat belt.

I'm not an _idiot_. I figured out that I'm in a car.

But where the hell did this person earn their _license?_

I curse as they slam the brakes for the millionth time, and rather than turn into a panicky idiot again, I release my stress in a more Edward Elric way.

"_Slow the fuck down!_"

The ride does indeed become smoother and slower, though there are still some sudden maneuvers and I wonder if this is the driver or the traffic outside.

We're traveling fairly far from the train station. This _must_ be a city.

I'm just about to ask when the car eases into a stop, the first really gradual one since we got in.

"Are we here?"

_Yes_.

"No more driving?"

_No_.

"Thank goodness. Either the traffic sucks ass or you really need to fire your driver."

Ooh, he has a driver. Is he _rich?_


	16. Chapter 16

_To shiva1_: Al won't forsake Ed's body yet, for the chance he finds a way to fix Ed..not to mention the soul would eventually be rejected from the armor.

Ed hasn't asked if he knows those around him, because he wouldn't know how to ask who they were without going through a long list of names which he can't hear himself asking and might get wrong anyways...

And Al? Poor, lonely Al. (That will be explained soon)

* * *

Roy helped Ed out of the car, not surprised to find the blond on unsteady, shaky knees. That trip _had_ been bumpy.

"I'm sorry, sir. Traffic was-"

"I know, Lieutenant. Thank you for slowing down, even if it _did_ cause us to nearly get rear-ended."

"The drivers are getting worse and worse, I'm afraid." Riza sighed as she locked the car, taking Edward's luggage and following the two men to Roy's front door.

She had witnessed Ed's arrival and, overcome with empathy for him and having _missed_ him for so long, given him a hug. She hadn't expected his reaction of fear as he tore away as though being attacked, or the resulting panic attack when Roy had tried to help him up repeatedly.

She knew there was more going on in Ed's mind than he voiced. He may not know it due to lack of feeling, but his facial expressions revealed quite a bit of the struggle in his mind. She only wished that he didn't have to suffer so much.

First he lost his mother, then his brother...and then his future.

She wouldn't lie; she felt an awful pang of sadness as Ed fought earlier, trying to regain control of his emotions and grasp on reality. It was hard to see such a strong person like Edward torn down and reduced to battling with his own mind as he tried to interpret the outside world.

"Where are we?" Ed's words caught Riza's attention once they were inside.

Roy shared the shortest kiss with Edward, tapping Ed's hands against his own chest. He was rewarded with a small noise of recognition.

"Oh. Your house?"

_Nod_.

"Is this where I'm going to stay?"

_Yes_.

"Do you have a job?"

_Yes_.

"Oh." Neither she nor Roy missed the disappointment on Ed's face. "So I'll be alone sometimes?"

_Yes_.

"But-but not today, right?"

_No_.

The relief was instantaneous. Ed's arms flew around Roy's middle as a soft smile graced his face.

"Sorry, I-I mean come on I'm allowed to be nervous, right? You-you have to get everything set up before you leave. And-and I promise I'll try to stay out of trouble when you do leave."

"Somehow, I don't think that's possible with you, but I appreciate the sentiment." Roy led Ed to the couch, sitting him down as he set up Ed's IV drip with a weary sigh.

"How will you leave him alone all day while you work? He's going to need you for more than just changing the bag on his IV."

"He's not even going to need me for that." Roy chuckled as Ed's free hand searched the side of the couch for a lever. "This isn't a recliner, Ed." After placing Ed's hand back into his lap, he turned to Riza. "I need the rest of the week off with him."

"To do what? Teach him to live on his own?"

"Exactly."

"When you told me this from the phone on the train, I thought you were joking. Just being optimistic. Sir, he _can't_ do that for himself. He has no senses to tell him what's going on around him, or where he is." Riza watched Ed as he patiently sat there, golden eyes darting around out of habit. "And you've seen how he reacts when he's stressed. How do you think he'll react when he can't find his way around the house? When he can't figure out what you want him to do? And if you do manage to teach him to do something for himself and he fails to do it while you're away, he'll only injure himself or sink into a panic attack that _you_ won't be there to snap him out of."

"Don't forget about his determination, Hawkeye. Don't forget _who_ Edward is. The more he learns, the more confidence and control he'll have and the less incidents of stress will affect him."

"I know Edward is strong-willed and stubborn, but that can make his struggles seem more difficult in his mind. It could also be harder on him when he suffers a setback. I have faith in him, but... I do think he needs someone with him all day."

"And for the first week, that person will be me. Please file for my absence, Lieutenant."

Riza sighed, nodding in defeat. "Of course, sir. Is there anything else I can do to help?"

"At the moment, no." He offered her a sad smile. "Thank you for your help, Riza. I really appreciate it."

"Of course." Though Ed couldn't feel it, she pressed a kiss to his forehead. "If you need anything at all."

"Of course."

Once Riza had gone, Roy flopped onto the seat next to Ed. He could tell Ed had felt the seat move, because he turned his head and reached out tentatively.

"Hello?"

Roy compliantly took Ed's hand in his own, pulling it-and Ed-into his lap. Though Ed stiffened at the motion, he relaxed when Roy's arms squeezed Ed's middle.

"This week is not going to be easy…"

* * *

He laid with me for a while. I wonder if it was night? I assumed he was asleep, because he didn't move and I drifted off with the comfort of his every breath causing me to rise and fall faintly against his chest.

Huh? What-

I just got to sleep, didn't I?

He sits me up and rests me against the back of the couch before leaving. Where there was the constancy of his presence and the warmth of being in his arms, I'm faced again with the stillness and loneliness that has been my life for so long.

I don't let it bother me, though. I simply wait for him to return with a smile.

I feel the IV is in. Good, maybe the train incident was just a one-time slip. I wonder if I should chastise him for it later.

That wouldn't push him away, would it?

I don't really know if he would take it in jest. I don't know who he is, I don't know what he would take offense to. He may have an immense amount of patience, but…

Best I just keep quiet. Unless he _hits my chest again like he just did!_

"_Hey!_" I swing out, but the hand is snatched, as well as my other one. He pulls me to my feet by them, rapidly enough that I stumble forward into his arms. He lifts my chin for a kiss, but I indignantly yank my face away before he has the chance. "Why did you wake me? It's not night?"

He shakes my head _no_ and leads me, slowly and carefully. When we stop, he takes my free hand and smacks it against something hard, flat and vertical.

A wall? Okay, nice, I'm sure it's pretty, but…

He releases my free hand and just waits with me. I stand there expectantly, but he makes no more move to walk, instead releasing my _leading_ hand and disappearing from my radar.

Okay okay calm down Ed just because this isn't your _old_ room doesn't mean you're _lost_ you're in his house now-

I tap the wall as he'd made me do moments ago, finding the smallest amount of bearing, of guidance from it. Registering that he'd been on my left side, I begin walking toward him, tapping the wall every step to make sure I still have it for support.

"Did you leave?" I ask as I find nothing but the wall and empty air in my path. I take another step and bump into something solid, sure a grin is on my face as I reach out.

But it's flat. It's solid, unmoving, shapeless, and _flat_.

It's not him. It's just a perpendicular wall.

_Dammit_.

Reluctantly, I turn to the left and follow _this_ wall, wondering if this is how all blind people navigate. Flailing like idiots, using one hand to guide and one to search.

No, really, where _is_ he?

"Okay I get it, your house is spacious. Now where are _you?_" In my next step, the wall disappears, leaving just air that I nearly stumble into when my balance falters.

Somehow managing to catch myself, I feel behind me-the wall is still there, yep-and take a leap of faith, exploring slowly into this new place.

I hope I'm not going outside.

I hope he's there if something goes wrong.

If I _panic_.

Just don't panic, dammit!

_Bump_.

I fall forward, but my arms catch me from hitting the-well, whatever tripped me. What is it? I try to figure it out by feeling it out with my awkward smacking motions. I'm sure as the sky is blue that there's an expression of annoyance on my face as I struggle to identify this… this _thing_ in front of me.

It feels kind of like a chair. Yeah, it must be a chair. Is it a recliner, like my old one?

I turn and sit down on it, reaching down to feel for a lever. Before I'm able to find one, I feel a sudden rush of gravity yanking me down, an uncomfortable pressure around my sides and my thighs when I stop. I try to jump up-out-of _whatever_ this is-but I'm stuck and I can only move my arms.

"What the _hell?!_" I try again to escape, but the pressure only grows into pain as I sink further into this-this _trap_ of a chair. "_Hey!_ Get me the hell _out_ of this! It's not _funny_ to play prank the blind guy!"

I struggle again but this thing is like _quicksand_ and I only further trap myself. Help only arrives once I cry out in frustration, in the form of two strong hands trying to lift me bridal-style out of the trap-chair.

I grab onto his shirt once I find it, cursing as it seems to take him _forever_ to wiggle me out of there. He immediately sets me on my feet, despite how wobbly I am from being so shaken up.

Not giving me a moment of reprieve, he turns me to face the chair, gently bumps my legs against it, and then guides my hands to...drop my _pants? _What the-

No, no, oh god tell me I _didn't_-

"Did I fall into the _TOILET?!_"


	17. Chapter 17

I updated Ch. 1 with a warning that this story does contain RoyEd. I'm sorry if it offended anyone that I didn't have it labeled. To those who still read but aren't RoyEd fans, you may be happy to know that the extent of their relationship is kisses and snuggles and companionship.  
_To MantaCat_: I laughed. XD  
_To all_: Thanks for the reviews, guys! Even the critical ones, as they help to develop the story and remind me to clarify things that I may have missed.

* * *

Roy couldn't help himself.

He tried, really he did, to hold in his laughter when Ed looked for the _reclining lever_ for the _toilet_-but when Ed's ass slipped into the bowl and he somehow fit enough to get _stuck_-he lost it.

Maybe it was wrong to laugh hysterically when a disabled man fell into a toilet. But watching _Edward Elric fall into a toilet and get stuck_-

Roy wished he'd had his camera ready.

It wasn't easy for him to weasel Ed out of the confines of the seat through his laughter; how Ed even _fit_ in there was beyond Roy. Though by the time he repositioned Ed, it had diminished to chuckling and snickers; it disappeared altogether at the shock on Ed's face when he hollered in realization.

"Did I fall into the _TOILET?!_"

The pure shock and horror and _embarrassment_ on Ed's face made Roy feel for him. He almost didn't nod Ed's head, but Ed had to realize _where _the toilet was-

"Why didn't you _tell_ me where I was before I could do that?!" He cried in frustration as he tried to back away from the toilet, hindered by the pants around his ankles-but Roy was quick to catch him as he fell.

"Let-let me go, dammit! This-you _planned_ that didn't you?!"

Roy shook Ed's head after returning him to his feet in front of the toilet. His reward was a backhand to the face.

"Bullshit! If you didn't then you wouldn't have let me fall in! You _enjoyed_ it, I bet you were _laughing!_"

How could Roy have forgotten how stubborn and obstinate Ed could be? He bumped Ed against the bowl again, trying to tell him to focus on _that_. Yet as Ed tried to protest about changing the subject, Roy simply replied by placing Ed's hands in front of him as if aiming-

"-And you must be the _biggest_ idiot ever! Why would you have me even _try_ to aim, I can't _see_ anything, do you _want_ your walls as yellow as my hair?!"

"You would rather sit down to urinate?" Roy obliged Ed, turning him and seating him, unsurprised when Ed shot up-and slammed skull into chin, leaving Roy nursing his jaw.

"Are you gonna put me back _in_ the toilet?!" Ed snapped, hand flying to his head in surprise. "What did I hit? Geez I almost got a headache from that, did you hit me?!"

Roy chose to ignore Ed's comments as he rubbed tenderly at his chin. Careful to keep Ed seated this time, he lowered Ed onto the toilet.

"H-hey! I don't _want _to-" Ed was silenced as Roy gave a tug on the catheter. He gasped and tried to smack away Roy's hand, but it was already gone. "Don't-are-are you gonna take it out?"

"Only if you learn where the toilet is," Roy replied as he smacked Ed's hands against the appliance. "You got that, Edward?"

"Well I can't _go_ with the catheter in!" Ed snapped indignantly, seeming to get the message once Roy stood him up, replaced his pants and led him out along the wall. "Wait, are you trying to teach me the path?"

_Nod_.

"_Ohhhhh_." Ed smacked the wall with haughty huff of determination, showing no more embarrassment from the action. He proudly made it back to the couch where Roy sat him down-only to stand him back up again.

"Wait, are we going to the bathroom again?"

_Yes_.

"You're not gonna lead me this time, are you."

_No_.

Even with his arms held out and mild course correction, Ed still managed to smack his face into the wall. On reflex he comically whacked it, chastising both himself and the inanimate entity for meeting.

Ed couldn't hear Roy's chuckling.

After a good half hour, Ed made his way to the bathroom door and inside, finding the toilet-and was _extra_ careful to spread his legs for assurance that he wouldn't slip in.

"See? That wasn't-"

"You can take it out now!" Ed ordered indignantly, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Not yet. It took you a half hour to find the toilet, and don't think I didn't see the uncertainty on your face." Roy stood Ed to send him back to the couch, _unaided_. "Until you have the route memorized and can reach the toilet _before _you piss yourself, it stays in."

Ed seemed to realize this when Roy gave him an encouraging push, sending him back out to the couch. With a grumble, he smacked at the wall again as he made his way back to the couch.

Walk, corner, turn, walk, slower, turn, miss couch, take too many steps, pause, course-correct, hit wall.

"_Dammit!_" Ed crossed his arms as he stood once again at the wall, trying to figure out how to-oh, yeah. He walked _back_ to the corner, turning to retrace his steps and try to find the couch.

After doing this twice, he finally succeeded and flopped onto it with a weary groan. He tried to push Roy away when he was being tugged on, protesting that he was _done_ for the day.

"Hardly. You're not done until you have it down pat."

"Come onnnn let me rest, this is easy for _you_, you don't get lost in your own house!" Regardless, Roy had Ed back to his feet and facing the wall after a few more struggling yanks around Ed's ribs. "Okay _fine_ I'll do it _again!_ If it makes you happy," Ed muttered, pushing forward with renewed vigor.

Roy sat on the couch to supervise, watching as Ed flawlessly made it to the bathroom, sat on the toilet, and back to the couch without incident. "I'm impressed. But you're still too slow." Standing, he rewarded the returning blond with a kiss… before turning him around and sending him right back to the route.

"Agaaain?" Ed whined, trotting off dejectedly. "Slave driver."

* * *

He sent me back and forth from the toilet to the couch over and _over_ so many times that I lost count.

I lost count because I was counting my steps.

From the corner to the spot in the wall where I turned toward the couch, that was the trickiest part of the whole trip-I would get lost back to the couch so easily it's not funny.

After ten or however the hell many trips I took, I didn't even need to count to find my way. It became almost reflex for me to stop and turn, giving the wall just one smack to ensure I was still _next_ to it, before I found my way back to the couch, spun on my heel, and dropped into it with a shit-faced grin.

At least, that's what I _hope_ he saw.

"Okay I think we've got it covered can you take this thing _out_ now?" I lean back into the couch and await an answer, but after several stretching minutes, receive none. "Are you even there?"

Not trying to be rough, I reach out to feel for him the only way I know how-and I'm pretty sure it's his face that my hand collides with. Oops. Well I'm not gonna apologize for my handicap!

"Hey. Are you asleep?"

New motion-he nods my head, then shakes it no. Either you _are_ or you... _oh_. I woke him up.

With a hand to the face.

I'd be tempted to laugh if I weren't nervous of his reaction.

"I have the path memorized, can we take it _out_ already?" As an afterthought, I add the word _please._

He simply pulls me into his lap, wraps his arms around me, and remains still. I can feel his breathing under me steady and level out.

Maybe it's night, now.

Well this thing is _sure_ as hell coming out tomorrow!

* * *

He left me before I awoke.

It's weird, I could _feel_ his absence, without being able to actually _not_ find him when feeling around.

They say when you lose a sense, your other senses grow stronger.

Well, maybe all I have left is that fabled sixth sense.

And it tells me that he's already gone!

He left me alone.

Well I know my way to the bathroom now, and I know what the hell I want out of my day.

I'm up and moving in a flash, stop in the bathroom, and put myself through the rather unpleasant sensation of yanking-wait, maybe I shouldn't _yank_, I might break it. Okay, _slowly_ pull out the oh god that doesn't make it _any less unpleasant I hate catheters godammit_ okay it's out. I shiver as I let it drop to the floor, pressing a hand to the area of my bladder.

That was so unpleasant that I can't even describe it. Even _without_ the ability to feel it in, thank _goodness_, the urethra-dammit that would be downright torturous!

With a few well-aimed smacks, I find the bathroom tub and slip into it, realizing that I haven't had anything more than a sponge bath in… well, I guess I won't know how long. Though it wouldn't do much good to turn the water on, because I could well and drown myself without supervision.

I sigh at the pure absurdity of the situation.

I'm worse than a baby.

Flood the tub, I drown.

I might end up scalding my skin first.

I slide down slowly, allowing myself to lay in the dry tub. I try to imagine it if I had my senses.

It would still be quiet, and peaceful. Bathrooms usually are.

Pristine white walls and tile. Gleaming silver hardware.

A plush lavender bath mat.

Water so warm that it steams the bathroom and condenses on the walls and ceiling, making a perfect sauna.

The smell of soap piercing through the illusion of dirt and grime and the stresses of the day…

My shaking awakens me from the blissful dream.

I'm crying again.

I've had fantasies like this since the transmutation. Like a double-edged sword, they've reminded me of the senses I lost and made it harder for me to remain sane...but they've also given me fragments of lost hope to cling to.

But none have ever felt so _real_.

Maybe it's because I'm in a tub, and not that prison of a recliner.

Maybe it's being with _him_.

It was such a beautiful vision.

I wish it were real.

I wipe the tears from my eyes, though I can feel them neither on my cheeks or my arm.

Well, the tub _was_ dry.


	18. Chapter 18

His next priority seems to be the kitchen. It makes sense, because that's where he would keep food, right?

But how does he expect me to _eat_ if I can't discern texture or even solid from liquid?

Unless...he puts me on a liquid diet and has me drink everything.

While a bit embarrassing, it _would_ be a welcome alternative to the IV.

I voice my idea, he nods my head.

I wonder if he thought of it first.

Don't care, he can't prove it, I'm totally taking credit for that.

"But if you add milk I'll throttle you! I hate milk, I'll know!"

He just turned me to face me out of the kitchen. I guess he wants to teach me the route before the kitchen layout.

I bet he laughed at my milk comment!

Focus, Ed. Get back to the couch.

"Can we get a reclining couch later? Those exist right?"

No response, so that's a hopeful maybe.

I start on my way back to the couch, confident that I'm regaining a _bit_ of freedom, despite how trapped I'll always be inside this lacking body.

I've started filling the white void with happy things. An image of Winry. A picture of myself on the train.

A floor plan of his house. So I'll never get lost. I bet I could blow his mind and draw this place out onto paper. Once I learn the whole layout...

I still wish I could add _him_ to the void.

I have no idea who he is, so I imagine a face for him. It's kind and caring and maybe a bit too feminine.

It's still not easy to think of myself as _gay_. I've never really identified openly as homosexual or heterosexual, but I'll admit, when he actually did identify as male, I questioned my own sexuality. I think I'm still on the fence about it, honestly.

As long as he doesn't try anything really perverted-

Is that even legal? I mean, yeah, I'm of age, but I can't feel it and could that be considered abuse when you do it to a handicapped person?

Maybe it only counts for the _mentally_ disabled. Although some days, I think I count in that category. _Haha_.

I hope that he would ask before he tried anything invasive. I don't know how he would ask me, and I would deny it despite the gender, but...

It's all wrong. The intimacy wouldn't be there, not really. I need to _know_ him first, but how can that ever happen?

I hope what we already have is enough for him.

Whups, lost my course. Where _is_ that couch?

I stumble and fall. I know it's not from my bearing. It's my train of thought.

He picks me up because I make no move to stand. Because I'm struggling not to cry.

It's not from the fall, I want to tell him. It's because I'm broken as a person and as a lover and can't be what he deserves.

I don't say that. I don't say anything. I just suck it up and try to find the couch.

I wonder if he can sense something's wrong, because he stops me with a hug. That's when I lose it. I break down and cry into his arms, releasing the stresses of yesterday and today and uncertainty and he must think something's really wrong because I'm not _stopping_ and I'm shaking so badly I can barely stand but I _need_ this-

He knows. He holds me comfortingly, holds my head against his chest.

I rely on him so much now. Not just for survival, but for sanity.

I hate that I'm so dependent. But I love his support.

I apologize. I try to say what for, but there's too much and yet none of it feels right to admit to him, because he's so willing, and all the words mix together and jumble and I _know_ the coherence is gone.

He only shakes my head and pulls me into a kiss, despite the fact I'm still blubbering like an idiot and my face is likely a mess.

I think he's more in love than I am, holy hell.

I finally sniffle and thank him, offering a smile. I feel like a weight is gone from my heart. Good thing he's taking care of it.

Really Ed, that's so _cheesy_.

Oh shut up, I reply to my own mind with a laugh. He releases me and I glide away as though I've been living here all my life.

I'm going to memorize this house and never get lost again.

I know I'm capable of that much.

He has faith in me.

I fall into the couch as I misjudge my steps, but just laugh goofily.

_Found it!_

* * *

The rest of the week flies by in a metaphorical blur. I've got the most important routes memorized. Couch, kitchen, fridge, bathroom, office, front door.

He taught me where the stairwell is, so I can keep away from it.

Don't want the baby falling down the stairs, do we? I don't mind avoiding them, because it probably _would_ happen.

He showed me where the front door is, so that I don't accidentally get myself stuck outside.

I appreciate how thorough he is in recognizing the pitfalls of my disability. Though I haven't been focusing on them, as it's taken all of my concentration and time to ingrain the floor plan into memory.

The house really _is_ spacious.

He gives a tug of my hand before disappearing, and I recognize the direction. Did he hear my stomach rumble? I grin and trot after him into the kitchen, honing right in on the magical source of food.

Locating the fridge, I smack my hand against it to make sure I have the right appliance. Yep, flat, tall; okay place your hands on the side and pull forward-my fingers catch in the door and I feel light resistance before the door pulls open.

Ta-da!

Ladies and gentlemen, the Fullmetal Alchemist, opening a refrigerator!

I snort in laughter as I reach inside with both hands, withdrawing them once I feel a weight nested in them.

He made me special cups, I think. Or bought them. They're anti-spill, like toddler cups. And their lid must be a special design, because I never miss when I lower my mouth onto them to suck like it's a straw.

I empty one easily, satisfied and content with the cool liquid running down my throat and resting in my stomach. It gives me a mild chill but it's a welcome feeling.

I think I miss the sink again as I 'put my cup away'. I usually do. He probably thinks I'm a slob, haha. That I used to keep house like this.

Well, Alphonse usually _did_ pick up after me.

I feel a pang in my heart at the thought of my little brother.

I _still_ don't know if he's all right.

I could ask. If _he_ has contact with Winry, he would know.

But… what if something happened at the Gate? What if Alphonse didn't make it back?

What if all of my suffering has been for nothing?

I want to know. But I'm terrified of the answer.

So I don't ask. I cling to what hope I have.

Because if Al hadn't made it… it would be worse than all my suffering so far.

I don't think even _he_ could snap me out of it.

I'd be so broken that nobody could fix me.

So I allow the ache to rest in my heart, because _he_ is taking care of it and keeping me going.

Maybe one day, I'll find the courage to ask.

For now, though, I accompany him to the kitchen table as he has his breakfast, mine growing warmer by the minute inside me.

It's silly moments like these that keep my hopes up.

As we sit, I break the silence by blabbing about some of the random thoughts in my head. I must sound like an idiot, because they're chaotic and unorganized, but isn't that the mark of a genius's mind? That or a mental patient, ha!

He seems to like them though, because he doesn't shut me up with a kiss, only moves my hand periodically to let me know he's listening.

He must be finished eating, because he finally silences me with a kiss before disappearing. I lean back in the chair to relax, but he's back much sooner than usual to lead me somewhere.

Ooh, where are we going now? Somewhere new?

Familiarity strikes me as we walk, and we stop at the front door. He lets me explore the foyer area to confirm my suspicions, and I grin.

"Are we going out?"

_No_.

"Oh. Well I know where this is already, I know not to go out the door."

He shakes my head again, imminent confusion slowly giving way to dread. He wouldn't…

He has a _job_, Edward. He can't stay with you forever.

But, but I, I haven't been _alone_ in-in so long! I _can't_ be alone!

Bullshit, he taught you everything you need to know.

"Are you leaving?" I feel my lungs wheeze as I ask, and realize it must've been a pathetic gasp of a question. A _panicky_ question. He nods my head, and I try to clarify. "Job?" Another nod. "Y-you are coming back right?"

There's a vigorous nod this time, and a crushing hug as he tries to will away my shaking that I hadn't even noticed until now.

Come on, Ed. You'll be fine. He has faith in you.

He pulls away, and I grasp for just a little more time, like a child.

"Kiss," I gasp, knowing I've never sounded so desperate for one before. I grasp at his shirt as tightly as I can when he obliges me, only pulling away when I choke on a sob.

God_dammit_ Edward, get a hold of yourself! He's not leaving you _forever!_

I turn my head away from him in shame and release his shirt, taking a step back.

"I'll-I'll be waiting for you." I will the dumb tears away and offer him a smile. Have I ever sounded so cheesy, so sappy? "I can find everything now."

He responds by placing my hands on the door handle, allowing me to feel it as he closes it from the other side.

I know he's gone.

He'll be back.

That doesn't mean I'm okay with it.

I slide down against the door, curling into myself like I had done many times before, at my _old_ home.

But I'm not breaking down.

I'm not withdrawing inside.

I just need a few minutes.

I'll be just fine.

* * *

Roy rubbed the bridge of his nose as he thought of the blond man waiting for him, alone at home. He wished he could bring Ed with him and keep him under close watch, but he knew Ed would be more safe in a place that was familiar to him. Not to mention, he wanted to keep the public's nose out of Ed's business...and their _relationship_.

Roy wondered how Ed viewed their relationship. Was it just physical contact to him? Was it a sense of being wanted? After all, how could he truly love a man he didn't even know?

Well, Ed _did_ know Roy. And that, perhaps, scared Roy the most. The two had a bit of a rocky past and Roy doubted that Ed would ever love him if he knew the truth.

Roy lifted his phone off the receiver before setting it back down. Force of habit. It's not like Ed would hear the ringing.

How lonely Ed's world must be.

Yet, Roy was preying on that.

Taking advantage of Ed's disability for his own desires, rewarding Ed's unwavering, undeserved trust with kisses and hugs from a stranger.

Alphonse had expressed his disapproval already, and Roy was sure that Riza held the same views.

He had to tell Ed somehow. Even if it would shatter the trust and sever the relationship. He only hoped what they had now and in the past was enough to carry them together into the future.

But how could he communicate himself to Ed? Name himself, explain his intentions?

Yes and no were easy. Roy was used to Ed asking the questions.

Yet Ed still hadn't asked who he shared his hugs and kisses with. Did he have similar fears? Or did he just not know how he would receive an answer?

Roy gazed at the veritable mountain of paperwork in front of him, wary of the 'homework' that he had forsaken this past week to focus on Ed.

He had to figure out a way to tell Ed.

Even if it broke both of their hearts.


	19. Chapter 19

Roy's arrival home was met with a sudden crashing sound. Racing to the kitchen, he found Ed laying on the floor amidst sudsy water from an overflowing sink containing about five of his 'meal' cups.

"_Edward_...should I ask?"

Walking forward, he took Ed by the hands to help him up-but was rewarded with a well-placed kick to the stomach that dropped him onto his ass.

"Ed!"

"Who-who's there?!" Ed gasped, golden eyes wide as he sat in the wet mess, arms poised to fight back.

"It's only me," Roy replied to deaf ears, tilting Ed's head back to offer him a kiss. He watched golden eyes widen in recognition, but Ed tore away before Roy could meet him in that kiss.

"I'm-I'm sorry, I just wanted to do something for you because you do so much for me." Ed patted the floor, unable to hear the splat of his hand in the soapy water. "I-I think I just made you a mess though."

"Thank you." Roy helped Ed to his feet, standing him at the sink as he turned the water off. He slipped Ed's hands into the water, pressing a hand on his back to encourage him. "Well, go ahe-"

"You want me to try? Really?" Furrowing his brows, Ed proceeded to take an extensively long time to wash the cups after Roy opened them, completely missing the water when he tried to rinse them clean.

"For someone with no senses, you do that pretty well. I can imagine how unstoppable you'd be with just one sense." Roy chuckled, reaching over Ed to rinse the cups properly.

Ed simply continued his task, accurately stopping after the fifth cup. "I'm done right? I only drank five today."

"Only, he says," Roy muttered. "It's supposed to be three a day, Ed." Roy rinsed the last one off quickly and nodded Ed's head, taking quick inventory of the blond-sopping wet, foamy bubbles attached stubbornly to his arms.

"So how-how was work?" Ed asked awkwardly, despite his inability to receive a proper answer. In response, Roy left the sink mess for later, leading him toward the bathroom as he was already half-bathed.

"Where are we…" Ed trailed off as his intelligent mind pieced together the route, though the confusion never left his face. "But I don't have to _go_. Why are we going to the bathroom?"

"You're already soaped up, now we have to clean you off." Roy tapped Ed's hands against the tub and helped him step in. It was only when he tried to sit Ed down that he received any resistance.

"N-no! No, I stand!" Ed yanked away from Roy, nearly stumbling and falling down. "I-I don't-I can't-" He grit his teeth, fear and shame mixing on his face. "If I-I slip I'll-oh god this is so _stupid_," he hissed, turning away from Roy.

"If you slip you'll what?" Roy turned Ed to face him, the blind eyes glancing up into Roy's for just a moment before searching again, as they always did. "Ed?"

Hanging his head in defeat, Ed finally admitted his fears. "I don't want to drown. One slip and-and I can drown. I can't e-even see the water! I can't _feel_ it! Why would you want to give me a ba-" he gasped, hugging his arms to his chest. "Why a _bath?_"

"Because they're relaxing and perfectly safe." Roy eased Ed down into the tub, aiding the blond in undressing. "Come on, if you can do the dishes, you can take your clothes off by yourself." He placed Ed's hands on the bottom of his shirt before pulling away, holding off on adding water to the tub until he could grab clean, dry clothes for after the bath. He had just made it to the bedroom and picked out a set when he heard a loud bang and even louder cursing.

Racing back to the bathroom, he was met with the sight of Edward tangled in his shirt, arms pinned by the fabric as he tried to wiggle out of it. Though he hadn't fallen over in the struggle, his metal foot _had_ cracked the tub where he kicked it.

"Edward…" Stepping forward to aid him, Roy was just a moment too late as Ed's frustration finally released itself with a loud tearing as he ripped the shirt clear off, heavy breathing mirroring his rage. Just as quickly it dissipated and left him looking _incredibly_ guilty.

"Oh, hell, I just… aw maaaan I'm sorry, I'm-I'm really good at breaking stuff…" Grasping, Ed managed to find the tatters of his shirt and hold it up pointlessly in front of his gaze. "Maybe I could… try to fix it…"

"Nonsense. I needed some new rags for cleaning house." Roy took it from him, placing Ed's hands on the waistline of his sweats. "You can get these off without tearing them, I hope?"

"Umm, yeah okay, pants. Sorry about the shirt…" Ed wiggled out of them easily, freezing when Roy clapped his hands to repair the wall of the tub. His head snapped to the point of transmutation, hairs standing up on the back of his neck. "Hey, what-what was that?!"

"Edward? You can feel alchemy?" Roy watched as Ed leaned forward and touched the spot, tapping it a few times.

"Flat, nothing, right? What was that? I.. I could feel the energy."

"Of course." He clapped Ed's hands together and placed it to the location, the action naturally devoid of any alchemical activity since Ed hadn't intentionally made the circle in his mind. He watched as Ed carefully clapped his hands together once more, placing them against the tub wall to create a crackle of alchemic energy without affecting the surface.

"Alchemy!" Ed yanked his hands back, holding them in front of his face as though staring at them. "That's right, I wasn't… I couldn't trade…" He trailed off, slamming the hands down against the tub floor as he cursed. Had he had feeling, that would have been incredibly painful-though Roy wasn't sure it _wasn't_, as Ed lifted them up carefully and placed them gently in his lap. "Of all the-I can't fucking _use_ alchemy, I'm _blind_ and I can't feel anything, _useless_ to have it!" He haughtily laid back in the tub, a little _too_ fast as he misjudged the distance and slammed his head on the bathtub rim. He shot up again, grabbing the back of his head with _another_ curse, pain clear on his face. "_FUCK!_"

"Hey! Calm down, Edward!" Roy pulled Ed's hand away, nearly receiving a backhand for it before Ed seemed to _remember_ Roy was there and stopping himself. "You're fine. There's no bleeding." He gently placed Ed's hands back in his lap with a sigh. "I'm sorry. I won't use alchemy if it-"

"So you're an-an alchemist huh?" Ed asked shakily, managing a smile. "I-I guess it makes sense, my life has always rev-volved around it anyways." Seeming to remember what he was doing before the incident, Ed slid his sweatpants off.

"Yeah, Ed. The Flame Alchemist." Roy smiled sadly as he began filling the tub with warm water. Ed's skin was growing cold to the touch, though Roy knew Ed didn't feel the temperature or the light brush to his chest to test.

The tub was soon half full with steamy warm water loosely populated with soapy suds. Ed could sense it from the reduction of gravity's pull, Roy able to discern this as Ed curiously left his arms float on top of the water before pulling them under and repeating the process. Content amusement was on his face-until his backside slipped out from under him, dropping his head under the water too fast for Roy to catch him.

"_Shit_-"

Ed held his breath with wide eyes, seeming to _know_ he was under. He struggled to sit up in the relatively cramped position, relief clear on his face when Roy yanked him upright.

"I went under didn't I? I-I could feel my head floating," he revealed, eyes wide. "Maybe, maybe I can, maybe..." he murmured, lowering himself down slowly in the tub. Unaware of Roy's hawklike watch, Ed slowly immersed his head into the water, scarred chest rising in preparedness before he slipped under.

The soap didn't sting his eyes as he opened them.

He didn't hear the water seal off his ears.

He could feel his head bob under the water, and feel the sudden return of gravity as he broke the surface again.

"Maybe I won't drown," Ed remarked, sitting up again. "What a relief," he added with a chuckle, hanging his head forward and waiting.

Waiting, as Roy watched him in renewed admiration. Watched as the water streamed from thick golden hair to trace phantom lines down Ed's tanned skin and across his numerous scars. Watched as Ed lifted his head to turn those searching, always searching eyes outward.

"Are you gonna wash me?"

"You can wash the dishes, but you can't wash yourself?" Roy asked in mild surprise, reaching for the shampoo bottle. He worked the cool gel into Ed's golden hair, wishing he'd had this opportunity _before_ Ed lost the chance to truly feel it. As it was now, Roy knew Ed could only feel the shift in gravity and change in position on his neck as he scrubbed the lather deep into Ed's tresses.

"Do you just want me to wash you because you're used to being bathed?" Roy mused, using a cup of water to rinse Ed's hair. "Or are you afraid you won't do a thorough job?" He cleaned behind Ed's ears, continuing on down.

He'd never seen Ed's scars so close, in so much detail before. They were more extensive than he had realized.

Maybe Ed wasn't just being indulgent, or careful. Maybe Ed was letting Roy bathe him as bonding, as building trust.

From the peaceful smile on Ed's face, he seemed to be enjoying it.

Roy wondered just how much of the bath Ed could _feel_...

He pressed a bit hard on Ed's spine, earning almost a _purr_.

Next he put pressure on Ed's right calf, earning a sigh.

Finally, he pressed on Ed's inner thigh, very close to his privates-and was rewarded with a flushed-faced Edward closing his legs and pulling away.

Well, at least he knew how Ed felt about their relationship. It was a bit of a relief.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to try anything lewd," Roy assured him, gently easing Ed back into his spread position. "But I need full access to get you properly clean."

Ed opened his mouth to protest, only an exhale escaping as he clamped it shut with a red face. He was a bit tense as Roy continued to wash him, relaxing when he felt no more incidents of deep touch near his loins.

Until Roy accidentally pressed too hard while washing Ed's rear.

He hadn't been pressing all that hard, really.

Ed must have been _really_ paying attention.

A hand flew down to guard Ed's privates, but due to lack of feeling and misjudged distance and sheer _speed_ of the reaction-

Roy was never so thankful for Ed's deadened senses when he witnessed Ed's hand collide with his balls.

He didn't realize how wrong he was until he heard Ed's _yowl_ of agony as he curled up and pulled his knees to his chest, head dropping below the water before he screamed _again_ and released his pain in half-silent bubbles.

Roy rapidly lifted Ed's head out of the water, receiving no protest as the blond was still in too much pain to do anything more than gasp out in shock.

"Edward you _idiot_," Roy sighed, slowly repositioning Ed so that he wouldn't slip under the water again. "I wouldn't violate you while you're like this. Certainly not before you even know who I _am_."

While Ed was shaking in pain, unaware of the identity of the man supporting him.

While Ed was wary of Roy _touching_ him.

Roy knew he had to tell Ed, despite the recent embarrassments that would make it harder for Ed to accept the truth.

He just didn't know _how_.

And after the last blow to Ed's pride, he didn't feel like trying that hard to figure it out.

At least not for tonight.

* * *

Oh my god

Oh my _god_

That hurt like _hell!_

The pain had lessened to a dull ache, but I still didn't want to get out of that tub.

I had panicked, like an _idiot_ I had tried to guard myself from-from what? He was just _washing_ me! Just like my caretaker had done plenty of times!

Was it the knowledge that he was attracted to me? Because he would kiss me, that he might do more to me?

He helped you become _independent_, Edward. He taught you to use the bathroom so that you'd never have to struggle with the catheter again.

Yet still I doubted him!

He's taught me so much-_given_ me so much-and right away I shy away from his touch before he can try anything-as though he _would_ try anything. He hasn't yet, why would I _think_ he would?

He's sat me up in the tub so I won't _drown_ myself. Because I whacked myself in-in the-how stupid can I _be?_ I must win the award for self-embarrassment.

Maybe I wouldn't be so damn _antsy_ if I just knew more _about_ him. Got to know him, maybe, like a regular relationship!

_Haha_. And you'll do that _how_, Elric?

Ask him what his ideal date is?

I sure as hell doubt it's teaching a blind and deaf man how to find a _refrigerator_.

What are you-don't you _dare_ cry, you have _enough_ self-pity, don't shove more of it off onto him.

He'll understand! I just whacked myself in the-

Which was your _own_ fault.

Just shut _up!_ Go away, leave me _alone!_

You can never escape your own mind, Edward.

You couldn't do it when you had your senses, and you can't do it now.

I hug my arms to my chest as I try to fight the overwhelming urge to curl up and battle with my mind-I fight the stupid _panic attack_ before it can take me and turn me into a gasping, shaking mess of a human.

He's wrapping his arms around me. Is he trying to keep my naked body warm? or is he offering emotional comfort?

Hell, how _pathetic_ must I look. A grown man, shaking in the tub because he can't escape the dark corners of his mind.

He gives me freedom but I keep regressing, I keep falling back down-maybe my wings are still tattered.

Oh woul'ja knock it off with the stupid bird analogy, Edward?!

I can't. It's one of the few dumb things that gives me hope.

I feel my arms moving up. But I'm-no, I _am_ the one moving them. Subconsciously, to grasp at my head as I shudder out a gasp.

No, no, _no!_ I said _no_ panic attack!

Hands down. _Calm_ down. Steady your breathing. C'mon, do that dumb meditation thing. Slow, steady breaths. Focus just on breathing.

You're reduced to-

_Breathe_.

You can't contr-

_Exhale._

You'll never be-

_Shh, I'm being peaceful here._

He's still holding you, y'know.

I lift my head and return to awareness, realizing that I've successfully held off the panic attack and my shaking has disappeared along with my erratic breathing.

I move just enough to feel that I'm still in his arms, and I wonder-is he in the tub _with_ me? Is he getting his clothes all wet, is he naked, or did he drain the tub?

Does it really _matter?_ He's there for you, despite any consequence.

I smile and lift my head up, leaning it back against his chest. I let myself laugh-and I know it's one that's flooded with relief from the absurdity of the ordeal minutes ago. I'm almost crying from the laughing, it's so saturated with the alleviation of stress.

I end up gasping again, but it's a good feeling. He squeezes me around the middle and I laugh again, only abating with the realization that I'm still nude-

"Oh hell I need _clothes!_"

-but I just burst into uncontrollable laughter once more.


	20. Chapter 20

_To shiva1_\- Bonding Ed's soul to the armor would technically be human transmutation, and Ed wouldn't want to put anyone through this-least not his brother. And the whole sensing alchemy… maybe Roy's just more sloppy with regular alchemy and that's why Ed sensed it? Haha. (More along the lines of 'oops!' from the author.)  
_To gaap237_\- inorite?! In either series Ed really loses alchemy-it doesn't work on _our_ side, and in bro'hood he sacrifices it. And Ed+alchemy are kind of a _thing_ that we all know and love.  
Thanks everyone for your reviews! ❤

* * *

I've been here for a few weeks now. It's actually really nice.

We get up in the morning, share breakfast, always one final kiss before he leaves for work.

I leave the dishes for him, because I've figured that I just make a ridiculous mess.

During the day I find pointless little things to occupy my time and keep the chaos of my mind reigned in.

I practice the routes in the house. I've gotten so good that I can do them backwards.

I explore the middles of the rooms, and not just the walls. I've hit a lot of tables and chairs and I may have even broken something fragile. He's never mentioned it, but then again, I've never asked. _Eheh_.

I practice my balance. I try to do some of the basic motions that Izumi put Alphonse and I through when we first began training. Sometimes I make it through one, I _think_, though I wouldn't mind if she were there to help.

For someone who's so cut off from _sensing_ the outside world, I sure miss the interaction i'd become so accustomed to lately.

I fall onto my back yet _again_ from practicing a handstand, waiting for the mental haze and momentary shock to clear from my mind before I sit up.

Well, this isn't working, what about something safer?

I walk freely through the room without the walls for guidance, pleased with myself when I find the stairway. My hand smacks the banister and, like a _child_, I cringe as though expecting a scolding.

None comes, because he's at work.

I grip the banister with one hand and use the other to feel ahead of me as I slowly begin my ascent.

I've been up these stairs before. He takes me up each night for bed, only because I complain about sleeping alone on the couch. We come back down after his morning shower.

But I've never been on them _alone_.

I swear, I think I just _giggled_ from the excitement. Like a _kid_.

I really think I am regressing mentally. Maybe less into a dark place, and more into a younger state of mind.

Children need to be taught to do things properly, and they need to be looked after because they can't survive on their own and if they try, they might _hurt_ themselves.

Ee-yup, we're gonna go with 'mentally handicapped' for my condition, I suppose. Though it's my physical condition _causing_ the limitations.

Focus, Ed! You nearly slipped! Geez, these must be hardwood stairs.

Don't try to rationalize it. You just can't feel where your foot is stepping, only _up_ and _ahead_. Just be careful you don't-

"_Ahh!_"

I grasp at air as I feel my chin slam into the stairs, gravity ruthlessly knocking the wind out of me before rolling me backward to the bottom.

_Shit_, how far did I _go?_ I'm _still_ going down!

I feel the bumping and tumbling on the way down, but nothing is severe enough to be painful under the surface. I only feel the sudden stop as I land at the bottom, leaving me breathless and dizzy. It takes me a minute to realize that I'd landed flat on my back, my receding confusion returning in full force when I feel movement that I don't think I'm consciously doing.

"Hello?"

Slowly, very slowly, I'm sat up. I feel a hug around my shoulders, just enough to know it's _him_.

Oh, hell, he _caught_ me!

He-he didn't see the whole _tumble_, did he? _Crap!_

"So how.. how was-was work?" I ask sheepishly, but he simply stands me and has me tap the stairwell banister. _Busted_. "I didn't go up them." Not _completely_, at least.

He shakes my head no and I wonder if I got off easy-until he smacks my hand against the banister again.

"Well all I know of upstairs is the bedroom! I know all of _downstairs_, I need to explore more!" I cross my arms and put effort into a pout, knowing it will do no good as my abilities had pretty well reached their limitations in the house.

He spins me around a few times as though playing some dumb children's game, giving me a gentle shove when finished.

If he expects me to walk straight, he's sorely mistaken. I admittedly veer a bit, which I think is completely _fair_ given his spinning, but I proudly keep my course straight.

I only stop moments before running into the front door, grinning when I realize my sixth sense combined with my knowledge of the home layout kept me from smacking my face into something solid again.

Saved by fate! _Ha_.

I begin to walk away, but he stops me and lifts my arms over my head. Confused, I lower them, leaving them raised when he repeats the action.

"What are you doing?" I ask as I feel him moving them around. He lowers them and gives a tug at my shirt, causing me to stumble forward. Even with the clues, I can't figure it out. It felt as though he put a shirt on me-but I'm already clothed, so why another?

He presses my stomach, preventing my escape with his other hand at my back. I try to push his hands away with a grumble.

"Knock it off! I just ate!"

And then fell down the stairs.

Really, how do I keep this food _down_ all the time? Between the acrobatics I mean to do and the ones that I… _accidentally_ perform…

He backs me up and leans me against a wall just to confuse me further. I feel my legs lift one-by-one, and wonder if he's checking my feet.

I didn't _land_ on those when I fell, stupid!

Finally, he moves me one more time, placing my hands on the door.

"Y-you're leaving again? But you-you just got home," I ask with a frown.

Only something's different as I feel him closing the door.

I'm on the wrong _side_.

I almost cry out in alarm, but his arm squeezing my waist silences me.

He's… he's with me. I'm with _him_.

He's taking me outside again.

We haven't left the house since our arrival from the train.

I'm _excited!_

Base instinct, silly reaction, be an _adult_ Edward, you can be excited, but don't act like a little _girl_ just because you're-what, gay?

I hang my head with a groan, walking forward before he can stop me. Luckily, the trip is a safe one as he catches up to me and leads me to the… the… I don't know, where are we? We didn't go far from the house.

I think we're being shuttled somewhere. He slides me into a vehicle and I feel the odd sensation of claustrophobia again as I kick my legs but they barely move. Tap my arm to the right, solid. _Door_. Tap it to the left-more room, but I still hit something.

He takes that hand in his and moves it to his lap, offering me comfort. _Oops_, I hit him again. I subconsciously reach up for something with my right hand when we begin moving, but there's nothing tangible that I can _feel_, and honestly, the driving isn't all that bad this time.

"Your driver is doing better."

He releases my hand and taps me lightly on the chest. I don't know what that means, unless it's a thank you. Or an acknowledgement.

It's generally a peaceful drive, but his hand has been gone for a while and I want it back. Maybe I'm being impatient and selfish, but honestly, he gave it to me before so why wouldn't he give it now? I reach over and grasp for it, but whatever my hand connects with isn't him-it doesn't come away with my hand, it slides; it _pivots?_ and I nearly fall over in my seat as we jerk to the right and then back to the left again.

"Wh-what was-was that?" I gasp, reaching again for support that's not _there_ and I feel-floating because we're still _moving_ and I can't control it and it's _really_ unsettling but I-I think I can handle it. I grab the only thing I can by crossing my arms, putting forth the effort to display boredom on my face and not the panic that's ebbing within me.

I feel him trying to take my arm from me-oh, _now_ he wants to comfort me?-but I deny him and turn to face the door, determined to get through this on my own.

I can't get scared at every little thing that I can't see.

I need to stop having _panic_ attacks!

I remember the recliner, because this feeling is a bit similar-I can't move much, I don't have _control_, and-we're still moving-but the recliner had stopped, and I kept going with the stress...but the car is still going, and my stress is dying down.

I _am_ getting better.

I lean against the door and relax my arms, waiting for our arrival. My hand moves as he slides it toward him, but I have no reason to pull away this time.

"I'm better, thanks to you."

* * *

Roy led Edward into the store, acquiring a shopping cart to stock up on necessities. He placed Ed's hands on the cart handle, moving to the front to pull him along.

"Where are we?"

Roy simply led the cart along, curiosity keeping Edward loyally attached to their buggy. He placed a few boxes of food into the cart, picking out first food for himself.

"What am I holding onto? It doesn't feel like you."

Roy only smiled and led Edward to the produce section, the source of his mealtime smoothies. While steering the cart, he pressed a hand to Ed's back to assure the blond of his presence.

"Am I pushing something?"

Roy nodded Ed's head for him, ignoring the curious look one woman gave him.

"It's moving fairly ea-easily. Does it have wheels?"

Another nod, and the woman has managed to get her husband to watch the nod.

"Pushing something with wheels… hmm. All right, ya got me; what is it?"

Spotting a box of crackers that he particularly liked, Roy guided Ed's hand to it to pick it off the shelf and toss it into the cart. He replaced Ed's hand onto the handle, continuing forward with him. "Figure it out y-"

"Are we sorting mail?"

"Sorting _mail_-" Roy sighed and shook Ed's head, trying to figure out _how_ to communicate their whereabouts to Ed without having him smacking the whole place.

"Damn! I thought I had that one. Any more hints-more clues?"

"Give me some time." Roy parked Ed in the middle of the produce section, collecting an assortment of fresh vegetables. His attention left Ed only for a few minutes, but it was enough to attract a curious woman who was wondering _why_ Ed was smacking his shopping cart with such gusto.

"Sir, are you all right?"

Ed continued his focused tapping, unaware, until she stepped a bit closer in concern. She began to ask him again, but his hand connected with her shoulder with enough force to send her backward.

"Ahh! Ex_cuse_ you!"

"Every _time_," Roy hissed as he flew to Ed's defense. "Ma'am, if you'll please forgive my friend."

"What's _wrong_ with him?"

"I believe I can ask you the same question. I'm sure Ed was minding his own business, yet you were close enough for his hand to accidentally hit you."

"He was smacking the cart! I thought he might be mentally disturbed!"

"I _assure_ you," Roy replied angrily; "he is _mentally_ fine. You have no right to stick your nose into his business-"

"You brought him here, didn't you?"

"Yes, I brought my _friend_ to the store with me for a shopping trip!"

"Aware of the knowledge that he could hurt someone?"

"I'm more of a danger to you right now than he is," Roy replied threateningly. "Please leave Edward and myself alone, we're here to do the same thing you are: shop and return home."

"Hey!" Ed attracted their attention as he spoke. "I think I-I got it. Are we in a _store?_"

"He doesn't even know where he is?"

"He can't see or hear," Roy growled as he subtly nodded Ed's head, not missing the triumphant grin on his face.

"_Ha! _Take _that_ you-" Ed's expression turned to horror as his voice grew quiet. "A store, in public?"

"Ed?" Roy ignored the woman as she watched Edward. Why did he suddenly look _afraid?_ He did just fine on the train with Ruby and her mom.

But there _were_ fewer people. Not that Ed could tell the difference, so why would it worry him?

"Y-you brought me to a-a store?" Ed frowned, hands gripping the cart tightly enough to turn his knuckles white. "But why? I-I know we needed the train to move but I-people are gonna-why would you let them _see_ me like this?" he gasped, bowing his head to hide behind his hair as he sucked in a shaky breath. He tore his arm away as Roy tried to comfort Ed by removing it from the cart to relax him. "_No!_" he snapped, shaking his head. "You know I'm-I'm not-I can't-not like _you_, not like _them_, I can't-" he gasped again, halted in his attempted retreat by a display of fresh apples.

"Edward, you were doing just fine," Roy scolded him quietly, trying once more to take Ed's hands in his own to lead him out of the fear. Ed whipped his hands away, hugging his arms to his chest insecurely.

"I want to go home," Ed whined. "I don't-I don't want to be on _display_."

Roy shook Ed's head and drew him into a secure embrace, resisting the weak push from the shaking blond who soon calmed in his arms.

"Are they w-watching?"

Roy sent threatening glares to the curious and empathic stares around them as he lied to Ed to provide the comfort and confidence that Ed so deserved.

_No_.

"Are-are there a-a lot-is the store busy?"

_No_.

"Then kiss me," Ed hissed so low that Roy nearly missed it, despite being the closest to him.

In front of these people? Roy didn't give a rat's ass what people thought of his _sexuality_, but if Colonel Mustang was seen kissing a physically disadvantaged man, much less one a decade younger than himself and a _former subordinate_ of his-

He couldn't do it. For his reputation and Ed's privacy, he couldn't do it.

"I knew it," Ed growled, pulling away from Roy with hurt visible on his angry face. "You _lied_ to me, I knew it!"

"Edward," Roy protested, grabbing Ed's arm to try to calm him-and was rewarded with a powerful fist to the face, knocking him into the zucchini display to land on the floor. Ed towered over him as he took a step forward, outrage emanating from his form.

"Don't you _dare_ lie to me. All that I have to go on about _outside_ is what you tell me, dammit! And I won't be _lied_ to just to save my pride! Don't _lie_ to me, I trust you com-completely, don't… you're all I _have_, you can't _lie_ to me!" He slid down to his knees, reaching blindly forward for the touch of the one he'd grown to depend on for so much.

Roy ignored the forming bruise on his tender cheek as he leaned forward to pull Ed to him. He was surprised when Ed resisted the hug and stood, his hands still in Roy's. He wasn't sure what was going on until Ed tugged on his hands encouragingly.

"Come on, up. Stand up, I-I couldn't have hit you that hard."

Just as Roy had helped Ed to stand so long ago, their roles had reversed and Ed was pulling Roy to his feet.

Roy had lied to Ed, and Ed had forgiven him-not because he had no choice because his survival was dependent on the man, but because he _trusted_ him.

For all of that trust, Ed still didn't know the true identity of the man he relied on for home, for health, for love and support. And that infallible trust… would only make it more difficult for Roy to eventually reveal his identity to Ed.

"Oh, Ed." Roy sighed softly and led Ed back to the cart with a heavy heart. "We can-"

"So what are you buying?" Ed pushed the cart forward, Roy rushing to turn it so Ed didn't slam into the precarious pineapple pyramid. "Are you getting food for me too? You know I eat a lot, we'd better buy enough."

_He wants to stay? _Roy smiled as he subtly slowed Edward and eventually stopped him near the edge of the produce section. _It shouldn't surprise me, really, knowing Edward's tenacity_.

"Very well. Let's stock up, then." Roy led Ed away from the cart and stopped him near the melon display. He positioned Ed's arms outward, lifted the largest watermelon in stock, and set it in Ed's arms, unable to hide his snicker when Ed grasped it as he nearly keeled over from the sudden weight.

"Wh-whu-what _is_ this?! It's so heavy! Is it a _kid?_" Ed held it out from his body cautiously, his arms trembling under the sheer weight of the two-foot melon.

"Only you would make that connection," Roy replied with a laugh, moving the watermelon from Ed's hands to their cart. "What's next… grapes. Do you like grapes? Too much sugar for your smoothies, but I like them." Roy added them to their inventory which happened to be Ed's arms. Broccoli, cabbage, bananas, beans, carrots, oranges, a whole _host _of fruits and vegetables followed-leaving Ed's arms overloaded but the blond too prideful to say anything. Roy chuckled and led him back to the card, unloading his arms. "This is the part where you call me abusive for making you hold all of those things." His words fell on silent ears, weary sigh unheard by the only one who _mattered_ to him.

"Nearly finished," Roy said a bit loudly for his company, placing Ed's hands onto the cart handle to lead him into a paper-goods aisle. He left Ed at the front of the aisle as he walked down to the end, gazed at the selection; glanced to see Ed boredly awaiting company, and chuckled as he returned to the shelving. After a few more minutes, he snatched a package and turned. "If you knew you were using _baby_ wipes in the bathroom, surely you'd…" He trailed off as he saw the full cart left _unattended_. "Ed?!"

Roy ran to the basket and tossed the package in, bolting to the end of the aisle, resisting to call _again_ because Ed wouldn't hear him.

"Where the _hell_ have you gone?!"


	21. Chapter 21

_To alchemyfreak42_\- You guessed it! Morse code will be their method of communication in the future.  
_To Brenne_\- While not completely correct, you did influence the story a bit!

* * *

Roy bolted through the store in a panic, eyes darting around frantically for the sight of _some_ hint of Edward.

"Two minutes it wasn't even _two_ minutes where did you go-_why_ did you go?!" He slid into the back of the store, relief flooding him as he caught sight of the golden ponytail and the red hoodie disappearing into an aisle.

Roy was at Ed's side in minutes, but before he could open his mouth to speak, he froze at the scene before him.

"Okay deary, we still have a little more shopping to do before we go home. We need to get some crackers...and some eggs, oh you _know_ I love when you make me eggs!"

Roy stared at the old woman leading a relaxed and compliant Ed by the hand. She was squinting at the packaging on the shelf through her glasses before pulling it off and handing it to Ed, who grasped it in his free arm.

"Um... Ma'am?" Roy stepped forward to be the next recipient of her scrutinizing gaze. "I believe you have my friend mixed up with someone else."

"I'm sorry? Do I know you?"

"No, ma'am. But the man you're leading around the store is my friend, his name is Edward. That's not who you-"

"Edward? Oh goodness no! This my husband Donny. Isn't he sweet? He takes such wonderful care of me. He's my eyes and I'm his ears, he's a little hard of hearing, you understand."

"I'm sorry, but that man really isn't who you think he is." Roy tapped Edward's chest until he received a response.

"H-hello? What? Why are you-did I do something wrong?" Roy shook Ed's head by the ponytail, confusing the old lady further when he continued speaking in a voice that she did _not_ recognize. "Can we put this stuff in the-the cart now? Why am I carrying everything?"

"Donny?"

"I'm sorry, ma'am." Roy placed the packages in Ed's arms into the cart near them. "Edward is blind and deaf and may have mistook you for me. I left him by my cart for only a minute to get something from the shelf."

"But my Donny," she faltered, squinting harder at Ed. "I thought he was…"

"Where _is_ your husband, ma'am?" Roy gazed around the store for an elderly blonde.

"Donny, my Donny… oh I thought I had found him again," she replied sadly. "I haven't seen him in… he's been gone for… five years."

Roy's heart ached as he realized this woman had mistaken Edward for her deceased husband.

"Ma'am.. I'm so sorry for your loss."

"I miss him so," she replied, reaching under her glasses to wipe at stray tears. "Donny was my whole world, we did everything together, we-we grew old and decrepit together," she added with a choked laugh. "I'm so sorry, I want him back so badly that I mistook your friend for him…"

"It's all right," Roy replied. "Edward is no worse for the wear, and he was able to help with your..." He trailed off as Ed turned to the woman, raising his hand hesitantly. Silently he walked forward, distance judgement perfect as he wrapped his arms around the woman in a comforting hug.

"Don't-don't cry. I'm sorry if I did something wrong. I-I don't want to make anyone cry."

"Edward? How did-"

"That's him right there," an unsettlingly familiar voice said, the disagreeable woman from earlier directing the store manager to Ed and Roy.

"I'm sorry sir," the man said to Roy with a knowing look; "I was informed that there was a..." He clearly didn't believe the words he didn't want to say next. "Possibly mentally disturbed man in the store." He glanced at Ed, who was successfully comforting the sad old woman. He turned to the accusatory woman with a frown. "I hardly think this man is a danger, ma'am. He's only comforting Mrs. Waters."

"But he hits people without realizing it! It's not safe to have him in public!"

"He hit _you_ because you got in the way of the hand he was using to _see_," Roy interrupted; "and he hit _me_ because I deserved it for lying to him. Now please let us go about our trip."

"It's not safe-"

"Now you listen here madam," Mrs. Waters interrupted, pointing at the woman. "For a young man who can't see or hear, he's intelligent and an absolute _sweetheart_ and if you soil his name or ruin his day I will personally take my buggy and ram it so far up your-"

"Thank you Mrs. Waters," the manager interrupted with a sly grin. "I'm sure the rest of this day will go about peacefully for everyone. Am I right?"

The woman spun on her heel and left the rest of them alone. Roy exhaled in relief, thanking the manager as they parted ways.

"We thank you for your defense, ma'am," Roy said as Ed finally released the woman.

"Defense nothing. She has no right to treat such a nice, innocent man that way just because he's less able than she is. To me he's doing perfectly fine for his disabilities."

"Thank you, ma'am. He's very strong-willed and refuses to give up. Right, Ed?" Roy took Ed's hand in his, pulling him closer.

"Are we still shopping?"

"Yeah, almost done." Roy nodded his head, earning a smile.

"Good. I-I like getting out of the house."

"I know. Maybe we'll meet again, Mrs. Waters."

"Oh, I would like that! You boys are delightful."

She waved as she walked off, leaving the two alchemists alone.

"Well, I suppose we-"

"Are you doing any shopping? Because I'm just standing here. Hey do you have any of my food? I'm hungry."

Roy shook his head in disbelief and pushed on Ed's stomach just short of knocking him off balance.

"Yeah that's what I said, I'm hungry." Ed waved away Roy's touch and crossed his arms.

"All right, how about juice boxes." Roy led Ed to the drinks aisle, preferring to keep the blond in his sights all the time. He grabbed a pack of juice boxes, setting one in Ed's hands. "There you go, top of the line stuff."

"Thank you," Ed mumbled as he walked with Roy and sipped. There was a look of intense concentration on his face, and Roy realized that Ed never drank his smoothies while walking before-he actually seemed a bit tense and hunched over.

"Maybe we should-" Roy froze as Ed suddenly went down. Having tripped over his own feet, Ed crashed to the ground, flailing for support on the way down...and found it in the form of a pyramidal display of cans that toppled haphazardly, landing both on the floor around them and right on Edward. The largest can, sat atop the pyramid like a star on a Yule tree, landed right at the base of his spine and elicited a sharp gasp of pain.

"Edward!" Roy knelt down to check on Ed, placing his hand gently on the can's impact point. Ed immediately twisted away, struggling to get on his hands and knees amidst the mess of cans on the floor. He shied away again as Roy tried to help him up, fearful golden eyes turning toward him.

"Who-who's there?!" He scooted to the side, stopping when his hand hit another can and sent it rolling. "Did someone-attack me?"

Roy shook Ed's head, easing Ed upright to sit on his knees. He placed the heavy can in Ed's hands for inspection.

"I-I don't-" he gave it a shake and tapped it, dropping it moments later. "I don't know what it is. Did it fall on me?"

"At least you figured that part out," Roy replied by giving Ed a nod.

"Oh. So-so nobody…" he trailed off and hung his head with a sigh. "I'm sorry. My past before you was a little um… rocky."

"Before me, hm." Roy smiled and helped Ed to his feet, concerned when Ed's first few steps were accompanied by a limp. Roy pressed gently where the can had hit, earning a defensive swipe from Ed. "Are you injured?" He pressed again, rewarded with another swipe as Ed stumbled away from Roy with pain on his face.

"S-Stop! Just-just let me walk it out." Ed tenderly rubbed at the spot, offering his other hand to be led by. "Can we go home now?"

"Of course." As he led Edward to their cart, he was pleased to see the limp nearly work itself out. Perhaps it was just a muscular bruise. He knew one thing.. Edward would be sore the next day.

* * *

Their Friday night shopping trip had concluded with a therapeutic back rub and much snuggles before bed, much to Ed's delight.

Saturday morning saw Roy slowly aiding a sore and limping Ed down the stairs and leaving him near the fridge for his breakfast. Through a series of motions with Ed's hands, Roy told him he was off to make a phone call. Ed had asked Roy to wait, snatched a smoothie from the fridge, and followed Roy to the study.

"Do you somehow know who I'm calling?" Roy mused curiously. He sat Ed on his desk before turning his attention to the phone, not denying himself any opportunity to gaze at the man before him.

"Rockbell Automail, Winry speaking!"

Roy had to smile at the woman's bubbly tone. "Winry, it's Roy."

"Oh! Roy." Her tone quickly changed from surprised to nervous. "How is he?"

"Perfectly fine. He's doing much better than I had anticipated."

"Really? What's he doing now?"

"Drinking his breakfast smoothie." Roy smiled at Winry's surprised gasp.

"You taught him to drink food?!"

"Honestly, it's thanks to a little girl named Ruby. She figured out that a straw was the key."

"A little-Roy, you didn't have him in a _daycare_, did you?"

"A-" Roy snorted in laughter. "N-no, Winry. We met her on the train ride to Central."

"Oh. I'm sorry, it was wrong of me to think that."

"Quite all right. Here, hold on for just a minute." Roy reached up and mimicked the phone-dialing motions with Ed, stuck the phone in Ed's right hand and placed it to his ear.

"What?" Ed tried to move the hand, but when it remained put, the reason _why_ dawned on him. "Oh! Y-you want me to talk? But I can't _hear_. Uh...hello. Good morning? I-I hope you're having a good day..." Ed paused in his one-sided conversation. "Um, hold-hold on." He reached out to tap Roy, hitting only air in front of him. "Who is it? Is-is it someone I know?"

_Nod_.

"Oh! A friend?"

Roy lifted Ed's left leg and tapped his free hand against it, hoping his automail would give him the answer-

"Winry? Is it Winry?"

Roy nodded Ed's head, delighting in the sudden enthusiasm in those golden eyes as a grin lit up his face.

"No way, Winry!" The developed habit of word repetition disappeared altogether as he chattered eagerly into the phone. "I'm taking care of my automail, I swear! Okay well _he_ is, because I can't really see or feel it. But after my bath I dry it off extra well, more than my right leg. You know I don't have to wear that stupid catheter now? I know right where the bathroom is! He taught me the layout of his house. I can get around with my eyes closed!" He snickered at his own joke. "I'm glad I got the chance to talk to you Win, even if I can't hear your reply. I miss your voice," Ed added softly. "But he called to talk to you, so I'm gonna hand the phone back. Maybe you can come visit us soon? We're in-uh, a city. It must be a city, the car ride from the train station was pretty long. Or maybe we can visit you! I did like the train ride..." Ed trailed off at the memory of peace and contentment and learning and the constant comfort of the rails, revisiting the train easily in his mind. Only an image of Winry waving to him as he left on the train returned him to reality, and he offered an apologetic laugh. "Sorry, got lost in good memories. Talk to you later, Win!"

"He's quite talkative around the ladies," Roy observed as he took the phone from Ed and set the remainder of the smoothie into his idle hands.

"It's so good to hear him _happy_ again, Roy. Thank you so much."

"It is mostly his own determination that got him this far, I can't take all the credit."

"Until you came along, we couldn't even coax him out of that _chair_. We didn't know how to give him hope. If not for you, Roy… he might not be with us today."

"That would be a shame. Mrs. Waters quite enjoyed his company."

"Mrs. _who?_"

Roy laughed at Winry's bewildered tone. "Last night at the market, an elderly woman mistook Ed for her husband. Her eyesight wasn't the best, but the two of them were halfway across the store in the two minutes that I had my back turned."

"He left with her?!"

"Hell Winry, he thought it was me leading him to another aisle. He was an awfully good sport about it; he held her groceries and everything. I don't think he ever realized that he walked off with someone else, though…" Roy watched Ed sit the cup down next to him and curiously smack around to discern his location. "How about Alphonse? How is he doing?"

"Ever since Ed moved in with you, he's completely thrown himself into searching for a way to help Ed get his senses back. Right now he's actually in Xing with May Chang to learn as much as he can about alkahestry, since much of that art is used for healing."

"So there's still no answers for his condition," Roy murmured, noting Ed's nervousness when he tried to reach the floor with his foot from his perch on the desk. Roy quickly grabbed Ed's hands, yanked him down to his feet, spun him around, and pulled the blond into his lap before he could fight back.

"No, not-Roy, what was that?" Winry had heard Ed's gasp and grunt of disagreement from the sudden movements.

"Just a bit of coercion. Ed couldn't find the floor, so I found him a better seat."

"Yeah, that really explained it to me… as long as he's all right," Winry replied.

"Safe and at ease," Roy chuckled as he put an arm around Ed's waist, preventing any chance of escape. "Oof-settle down, Ed. I'd better go; he's getting restless."

"All right. I'll let Alphonse know he's doing better. Thank you for calling, Roy."

"Of-c-course," Roy grunted as he held Ed in place. He hung the phone up and used both arms to hold Ed around the middle, having a bit of effort with the grown man's weight as he stood and carried him in the awkward position. "Calm down, stop-flailing!"

"What are-where-" Ed felt for Roy's hands around him, wiggling uneasily. "Put-put me d-down!"

"Of course." Roy released Ed once in the kitchen, leading him immediately to a chair. "Now Edward; what shall we do with our Saturday?"

Ed simply sat and waited for stimuli, boredom slowly consuming his expression.

"Thank you for those wonderful suggestions," Roy muttered. "I think mine may win more votes, though. What do you say we go out for ice cream? You need to learn to eat something less _liquid_. Even if it is the frozen form of your..._favorite_ substance."

Ed suddenly narrowed his eyes, mouth opening just a crack before closing in a thin line.

"I just got a-a bad feeling. Is something wrong?"

"I mentioned milk," Roy deadpanned, staring at Ed dumbfoundedly. "How the _hell_ did you sense that?"

"Can we do something? I'm-I'm bored."

"Of course, Ed. Let's go get some iced _milk_." Roy led Ed to the door, dressed him up in the red hoodie and black boots, and led the blissfully unaware Ed out of the house.


	22. Chapter 22

I can't figure out where we're going. All I know is that I had a _really_ eerie feeling before we left. Like something ominous was coming. I've been… sensing things...off and on for a while now. Like at the store, while we were shopping, I felt this...overwhelming _sadness_ next to me. I don't know how I'm sensing them, and if I focus, I can't at all; it seems to work best subconsciously.

I wonder if it has to do with that Dragon Pulse the Xingese speak of? The flow of energy in all things. Honestly, it wouldn't surprise me as much as these random moments do.

I stumble a bit as we walk. We had left the house not long ago, and for some odd reason, he chooses to _lead_ me along the sidewalk and walk to our destination rather than ride in his car. Don't get me wrong, I've never been lazy, but since I lost the ability to see, wheeled travel is just… so much _easier_.

Another stumble, but he catches both of my hands and keeps me upright. I slow and stop, asking him to wait so I can catch my breath. It's not a panic attack, thank goodness; instead it's what's keeping my mind occupied and away from any hint of panic-my back.

I don't know _what_ fell on me at the store, but it was _heavy_ and it hurt on impact. And it _still_ hurts.

The more I walk, the more dull the pain is, but it's never gone. I suppose the pain will pass in a few days, but hell, he chooses _today_, the day I'll be the most sore, to _walk_ me how many miles to our destination.

I feel a groan escape my throat. He manages to figure out its cause, as he presses on currently the most sensitive part of my senseless body-my lower back. I hiss and jolt away, knocking into something else-someone else? Not able to tell if it's a person, I ignore it or _them_ and put a hand to my back.

"Yes it's sore it's not gonna go away overnight and it's not gonna get better if you keep _pushing _on it!" I know I'm being snappy, but that spot is tender as hell!

Without any more on the subject, we're walking again. Every step hurts, but I wouldn't tell him that, not when he's nice enough to take me out for...fresh air? A walk? Quality time? I snicker at my chaotic thoughts.

_Ow!_ He suddenly yanks me to the side, bumping me up against him, but it twisted my back. Why couldn't we have _driven?_

I must have voiced that, because he slows his pace to walk with me. I hate to be babied, really, and I speed up-but he only holds me back.

I bet I know what he's saying.

I'm too stubborn for my own good.

Where _are_ we going, anyway? Do we have a destination, or are we just out for a walk?

"Are we almost there?"

The familiar gravity shifting of him nodding my head back and forth. It's silly, but sometimes I ask him questions just to _feel_ the answer.

I'm not dependent on him for social interaction, honest.

Despite the twinge in my back as I twist, I suddenly grab him around the middle in a hug. Maybe it's a childish thing to do, but I want to show my appreciation and affection, and I don't do it enough. In my limited state, it's hard _to_ show.

Our walking has stopped and I wonder if he's waiting for me to get off him-but I feel the vertebrae in my spine flexing under strong fingers and I melt, unable to move. He doesn't touch the sore spot as he rubs my back, and I swear I must be purring, it feels so good.

Its not just the spine flexing...and cracking...but the muscles adjacent are getting a soothing massage, and he has no _idea_ what he's doing for my serotonin levels and-

Hey why did you _stop?_

Oh, right, we _were_ walking.

I fall back into step easily, my gait faster and more smooth thanks to his magically healing touch.

I just know there's a smile on my face, I just _know_.

We walk in peace and silence for another five blissful minutes. I'm so relaxed and content right now, we may as well have _snuggled_ I'm so happy.

Hey Winry, I get snuggles with a _man!_

I can imagine telling her that.

Oh hell I hope I didn't say it out loud!

If I did, he makes no sign of it, or the inevitable blush on my face.

He gently sits me in a chair and places my arms on the table in front of me. As his touch leaves, so does my mind.

He's always so gentle. Unless my deadened senses confuse my perception of _that_, too.

He doesn't _have_ to be gentle. My life never was before this happened to me. Hell, _I_ never was gentle, either.

Then again, I'm still not.

I hang my head as I think of all the times I've smacked and hit and _punched_ him since I met him. Still he seems to love me.

I wonder if he knows of my past? Of my time in the military? The Promised Day?

The day I lost everything.

The day I lost… Al.

I feel a choked gasp, the sharp inhale so familiar for all the many times I've called it out-

It wasn't loud, but it was his name.

_Al_.

I can't keep _not knowing_. It's slowly breaking me inside. I have-I have to _know_.

I feel _him_ shaking my shoulder, trying to snap me out of it. I realize I'm crying, probably making a scene as I sniffle and suck in gasping breaths.

Probably in _public_.

"Alphonse," I suddenly wheeze; "I-I have-I have to know if-if he's-is-is he-did he-is he alive?!"

I lift my head and his touch disappears. I know my desperation is echoed in my expression, and I reach out for him, needing him most now, needing to _know_.

"Please! Please, I-I have to know that-that what I did-_meant_ something. Please, is he alive?!"

His touch returns. I would flinch away from the fear of the answer, but it would only deepen the cracks in my sanity. Slowly my head moves. I focus on the direction-why is he so slow and hesitant, _please_ don't let the answer be-

_Yes_.

Oh, god, he's-I asked the question correctly, didn't I?

"Alphonse is alive?"

_Yes_.

"Is he healthy? Does he-does he have all of his senses?"

_Yes_.

Every answer is a flood of relief on my burdened heart, and I can't stop grasping for more air, more _information_.

"Is he-he doesn't have automail right? He didn't-didn't lose anything?"

_No_.

"Have I-have I been near him? Since-since this happened?"

_Yes_.

"And he-he knows about _me_ right? What happened?"

_Yes_.

I ask no more questions as he pulls my shaking body into his arms.

I know we're in public. I hate that sixth sense now, because I know it's not just paranoia, I can _feel_ eyes on me.

I don't care, though. I just received the best news to the question that has been festering within me since I lost so much-

But I've gained Alphonse back. He's fine. He's okay.

"Can I see him soon?"

_Nod_.

I wonder if Alphonse saw me breaking down. Or trying to kill myself. How often was he with me? How much hope did he have for my condition?

My _mental_ condition?

I've been doing really well with _him_ lately. Still, there are the moments when I break down in public, like now...and even after the immense relief of the answer I've wanted to hear for so long, I'm _still_ crying.

Come on Ed, knock it off! Those aren't even tears of happiness, you're getting stressed out for no reason!

What if Alphonse _did _see me attempt suicide?

What if he blames all of my pain on himself?

He knows better, doesn't he?

He hugs me more tightly, reminding me that he's still there. I drop my head forward welcomingly against him, lungs spasming weakly as I try to rein in my breathing and even it out.

A sharp twinge of pain assaults my lower back as he _pushes_ on it-

I jump in his arms, feeling a faint thud on the top of my head. Did I hit his chin?

"Don't _touch_ that," I scold weakly, the shaking diminished enough that I can no longer feel it.

"Look I-I don't know where we are but I'm sure you didn't bring me here to-to cry. I'm okay now, I promise." I run the heels of my hands down my face in an attempt to clear away the tears.

He releases me again, leaving me to my thoughts once more. But the white void is brighter now.

I can see Alphonse. I try to imagine his emaciated form free of the gate, happy and healthy again, and still kicking my butt in sparring.

Maybe I'm crazy, but I want to spar with him again. I may never have a chance of winning, even if I _could_ have beaten him before-but I think it would mend my sanity a bit more.

My head is lifted, causing the realization that I'd had it resting in my arms on the table. What can I say? It's comfortable and I feel tired.

Sometimes I forget how much I can exhaust myself just through all of this _stress_.

He moves my hand just enough for me to feel a shift in position, a pressure on my throat moments later. I don't know what he wants; does he expect me to keep talking?

"What do you-"

Taking advantage of my kinesthesia, he mimics me taking something in front of me and putting it to my mouth. He squeezes my hand so tightly that I wince at the pain, but I can feel that he has it in a fist.

Holding something? Am I holding something? I feel nodding, so I must have voiced my thoughts. I have to stop _doing_ that subconsciously.

What am I holding? I try to feel it by squeezing my free hand around it so tightly that it hurts. It's really small and narrow. I don't... It's a utensil, I think. But there's no way I can tell what _kind_.

I mimic the eating motion he'd done minutes ago. This could be either a fork or a spoon. Such differences are lost on me, just another annoying aspect of my disability.

He moves my hand, still clutching the utensil, to my mouth. While I don't know if there's any food on it-I hope there is, it would be pretty embarrassing if I tried to swallow _air_-I attentively open my mouth and close it when my hand stops. Taking a leap of faith, I swallow, but I'm not prepared for how _cold_ the little lump is as it slides down my esophagus.

I yank back in surprise, hand flying to my throat and trailing down my chest, finally landing on my stomach where the cold settles like ice and gives me a chill.

My food at home-even from the refrigerator, is never so cold! Not to mention, it travels faster to my stomach, not trailing a slow line of _ice_ all the way down.

Ice, are you feeding me _ice?_

With his aid, I take another spoonful-forkful-_helping_ of the cold liquid, responding this time to him moving my hand as my cue to open my mouth and swallow the stuff. I shiver as the frigid lump travels down to my stomach.

How I'm still warm through this is beyond me. Unless he has me dressed better than I realize, the walk here _was_ a bit uncomfortably warm.

He moves my hand again, though I'm not sure why because my utensil hand hasn't moved from the table. I can't feel it as he opens my mouth manually but I know he _does_ because he presses on my throat and I swallow, feeling the frosty lump make its way down my throat-

I gasp from the sudden surprise of it _being_ there, because I didn't put it there. He taught me to feed myself the stuff, why would he do it himself?

He moves my hand again and I know what's coming. I turn my head in denial, shaking it just enough to display my refusal.

"You taught me to eat it myself-why are you _feeding_ me?"

He _knows_ I crave independence. I'm always so _devoid_ of it.

So why would he give me freedom and then _deny_ it? Does he delight in seeing my helplessness?

He _did_ fall for an invalid.

I feel the absence of his hand, but I don't move mine. Hell, I must have said _that_ out loud too.

Maybe I'm just reading it wrong. What if he doesn't have a fetish for completely helpless men? He wouldn't have taught me so much if he liked seeing me helpless.

What if he's just being… I swallow a lump in my throat. _Affectionate?_

That might explain my over-analysis. I never was a romantic, and I mistook a simple act of caring as masochism.

I slide my hand forward, finding his rather easily. I happily offer a smile as I take the utensil still in my hand-he must have started with two, the sneaky bastard-and slide it into his in a gesture of approval. Still he makes no move to continue; he can't think I'm feeling guilty, can he?

You _are_ good at that, Edward.

"Go ahead," I encourage. "I'm sorry-I think I-over thought-um, over an-analyzed it. I'm too-too prideful and you were just being-kind, being kind, right?"

It's a slow nod this time, but his hand moves mine and I open my mouth willingly. He moves it back and I close and swallow, almost feeling my head move as he pulls the utensil out.

Oh, that _chill_ again. I shiver as it travels through me, but strangely-it feels wonderful.

Maybe because he's doing it for me, out of love.

I had been sketchy about my feelings before-I admitted my love for how he dedicated himself and cared for me-but now I know for sure.

I love _him_.


	23. Chapter 23

100 reviews and so many favs and follows I'm glad you guys love this story as much as I do! ❤

To answer curiosity, my job is a bit monotonous and allows my mind to roam and much of this story is developed during my 8-hour workday. In between breaks at work and life at home I type it out, so the update speed is simply because I'm an overly imaginative introvert, haha.

You guys don't think the chapters are too short?

* * *

Once Roy had received Ed's approval of being _fed_, Roy indulged Edward-and himself-in a large bowl of ice cream. He wondered if Ed was enjoying the gesture as much as _he_ was.

Roy felt privileged to watch Ed compliantly take the spoon in his mouth, obliviously sliding his tongue across the bottom before closing and finally swallowing just after Roy pulled the spoon from between his lips.

For Roy, it was a rare treat to watch Ed enjoy anything remotely coddling; to enjoy being taken care of in the light of the fact that he _needed_ someone to take care of him.

As he ate, Ed's expression changed from content to embarrassment, shifted to humor and finally a hopeless smile. It was times like these that Roy wished Ed voiced his thoughts more, despite the stuttering repetition he'd developed; no doubt as a safety mechanism to ensure he voiced all the words he was looking for. He missed those philosophical thoughts that had been replaced by strings of halting questions and apprehensive approximations of his interpretation of reality.

He knew Ed's mind was capable of it and was probably always processing useful information from outside _and_ constantly introspecting; but what he revealed of it was so little. Ed had not only been cut off from sensing the outside world, but he was slowly severing any unnecessary ties to it as well.

He asked less about Winry, and he acted more immature as the days passed. With a few exceptions, he was allowing himself to regress and slip into the role of a child, no longer a tortured man condemned to insanity. Roy was glad for Ed's happiness and comfort, but it tore at him to know that Ed was compromising on so much of his past, and what he could be in the future.

He was interrupted from his thoughts when Ed turned his head away from the next spoonful. Having nearly finished the impressively large portion, he inhaled deeply with a hand on his middle. His shaky exhale was a visible haze of frosty air, revealing the source of the slight trembling that had just begun.

"No-no more please. Cold." Ed crossed his arms as though it would warm him faster.

"Of course." Roy finished off the ice cream as Ed waited patiently, the subtle change in his expressions revealing that he was lost in thought.

In the five minutes it took for Roy to finish the remainder of the dessert, Ed had begun to drift off for a nap. He wondered if Ed did this while he was away at work, slept the day away...

He reached under the table with his foot, knocking it against Ed's right leg. Immediately Ed stiffened to alertness, pulling his feet underneath his chair.

"H-hello?!"

"Only me," Roy assured as he leaned forward to lightly hit Ed's chest.

"Oh, you... Why did you kick-that was a kick right? Why did you kick me?"

"You were falling asleep." Roy tossed the disposable bowl into the refuse bin and quickly returned to Ed, who was reaching around the table in concentration. He took Ed's hands in his own and lifted, signaling for him to stand.

"Are we going home now?" Ed leaned forward and pushed down, but as he rose several inches off the chair, he whipped his hands away from Roy. One flew to his back and the other curled under him on the table surface, supporting his weight as he fell back into the chair with a pained gasp.

"Edward!" Roy pressed his hand gently against Ed's sore back, frowning uneasily. "You shouldn't be having this much pain from just a bruise." Roy tried again to help Ed stand, offering extra support under his arm. He finally relinquished when Ed whined and pleaded for him to stop.

"It hurts too much, I can't-I can't walk home. Go-go get your car-your car, we can ride, it hurts too much to walk." Ed slowly lowered himself into the chair, folding his arms in front of him on the table and resting his chin on them.

"I can't just leave you here," Roy protested. He watched as Ed mixed boredom with a hint of misery on his face. "You're too heavy for me to carry all the way home..." He sighed as he tried to come up with a _way_ to get Ed home.

He could call someone to pick them up! _Duh_. With one last check of Ed, Roy ran outside to the payphone. He used the few coins in his pocket to call first Hawkeye, then Havoc, and finally Fuery.

"How the hell can _none_ of them be home?!" Roy returned to Ed's side, finding that he hadn't moved. He tried to lift Ed's arm, but the man just pulled away and grew argumentative.

"Leave me alone please. I'm waiting for someone."

"Amazing, how you say that perfectly." Roy sighed and pulled Ed's head back, rewarded with recognition in those golden eyes.

"Did you get the car already?" Ed's eyes dulled as he stared at Roy incredulously when he was told _no_. "I told you I can't walk home. I'll-I'll wait for you and the car, I won't leave, I promise."

Against his better judgment, Roy nodded Ed's head and left the small cafe. Though he began with a fast walk, he remembered Ed's penchant for disaster and broke into a run, chiding himself for _listening_ to the naive blond.

* * *

The pain was almost enough to make me cry when I tried to stand. He had to understand, I _couldn't_ go home with him on foot, especially if I couldn't _get_ to my feet.

So I sit here at the table and chair, trying to focus my sixth sense solely for the reason that it doesn't _work_ when I focus.

I don't want to sense anything right now, even if it would be a welcome distraction from the pain as I try to therapeutically stretch my back to work out the awful kink.

I don't want to sense the people around me, the strangers who are watching the blond who had to be taught to eat something he couldn't see and couldn't even _taste_.

The people who watched me break down and sob and need to be consoled and-

Oh hell Edward don't you _dare_ panic now, you have no _reason_ to and he's not here to snap you out of it.

I don't have him. I don't have _her_. I'm sitting alone, in the company of strangers, none who know my true story or the extent of my condition-

He's coming back soon, but I still feel an irrational fear that something will _happen_ on the way and I'll be left to sit here, alone, forever.

Invalid. I am such a goddamn _invalid_.

My self-pity is interrupted by a sudden tapping on my shoulder. Huh? He usually goes for my chest, I can feel that better.

A tug on my arm next, but _toward_ the table. No, this can't be him. I pull my arm away, but before I can say anything in my defense, there's a pressure on my thighs and a sudden squeezing around my ribs. I freeze, resisting the urge to shove away, as we _are_ in a public place and it's very unlikely that I would be attacked here.

"Uhm, h-hello?"

A strange reaction follows. Whoever this is pulls my head forward and lifts my arms up. I feel a weight settled between my hands, and as I remain confused and motionless, I feel a pressure on my neck.

I remember the train ride, where I was taught to drink from a straw. I absentmindedly suck on air and swallow-but a liquid flows down my throat, not air, cold and acidic and _bubbly_. I gasp at the sensation, setting my hands on the table along with the container of caustic liquid between them.

"What-what was that?"

The only answer I receive is another hug from this person before the container in my hands is placed by my mouth again. My stomach doesn't feel all that bad, just a bit _fizzy_, so I chance another sip with the thought that it's only seltzer water. Maybe ginger ale?

My belly grows full rapidly, the fizzy liquid contesting for space with the previously-frozen meal I had been fed. The person who is giving me this drink moves-I realize they're _sitting_ on my lap-and I feel pressure on my stomach and a slight hampering of my breathing. Reaching out, slowly and hesitantly, I'm able to feel a solid form that stops below my head.

There's a kid sitting in my lap, using my chest as a backrest. What the _hell?_

"Hey, who-who are you?"

The diminished weight of the nearly-empty cup leaves my hands as they're placed on...I guess...the kid's head? They run down across the head, move out for the shoulders, and finally stop near my legs as I'm hugged again.

This kind of feels familiar... and if he's not here to show the kid-

"Train," I blurt out in surprise. "Are you the girl-the girl from the train?"

The sudden lessening and deepening of pressure on my lap is confusing and I don't really try to interpret it because it jostles my spine and it _hurts_. The pain must show on my face because she stops and hugs me again, but I assure her that it's not her fault.

"I hurt my back yesterday, at the store." I wrap my arms around her and steady my heavy breathing from the shock of the pain. "It's not-not your fault. Sorry."

Her weight shifts just enough to return the cup to my hands. I smile and thank her, obliging her kindness by finishing the drink until I suck on air. Handing the cup back to her, I find it placed in my hands minutes later-_refilled_.

Oh hell, I don't have _room_ for all of this, but… she's so _nice_ to offer, I can't just refuse…

* * *

Roy had nearly broken several traffic rules in his rush to return to Ed. He could only _imagine_ what had transpired since he left.

Someone had tried to talk to Ed, and discovered that he was handicapped and had taken pictures of him or called the cops.

An off-duty worker had come in and demanded that the seating be opened up to more customers and tried to move Ed, resulting in pain for the blond and a fist to the face for the employee-

Someone who works with the disabled had gone into the store, noticed Ed's condition and how he was _alone_ and took him away.

Roy felt nauseated at just _thinking_ about all of these and more, and Ed wouldn't _know_ what was going on, or to ask for Roy Mustang because he just didn't _know_ yet.

The halting screech of his braking tires helped to snap Roy out of it. He leapt from his car and nearly was hit in the process as he failed to check if any traffic was coming. _Stupid_, he chided himself; y_ou won't do any good to Edward if you're dead_.

Rushing in, he stopped short when he spotted Ed right where he left him.

With Ruby in his lap, being thoughtfully supportive by supplying him with a drink.

Ruby's mom was sitting next to the two, enjoying a small ice cream as her daughter worked on hers in between nurturing Ed. Who, by the look on his face, couldn't take much more of the liquid.

Roy chuckled as he walked forward. Ed was such a sucker for kids and he just couldn't say _no_.

"Ruby, thank you for watching Edward for me," he began, sitting at the table with them. "I had to bring the car to take him home. I hope he didn't cause any trouble while I was gone."

"Nuh-uh, he's been really good! And he figured out who I was!" She beamed happily, relief on Ed's face when the weight of the cup left his hands and Ruby's attention shifted to her ice cream.

"You must have done a good job communicating with him." Roy ruffled her hair, earning a giggle. "And you even got him a drink, too. What did you get him?"

"Soda!" She cheered proudly. "Everyone loves soda!"

Roy would have groaned, had it not been for Ruby's innocent intentions. Roy had been feeding Ed smoothies of fruits, vegetables and powdered vitamins.

With a bowl of ice cream and all of that soda, Ed was in for a hell of a sugar rush and _crash_.

"That's very thoughtful of you. Is that his first cup?"

"Nuh-uh, its his second and it's almost gone."

"I think he might not be able to finish what's left. He had an awfully big bowl of ice cream before you arrived, and he looks very full."

"Ohhhh." Ruby nodded slowly, sitting forward to look at the bloat that was hidden by his hoodie, but she could see under his shirt as she peeked. "So...there's an ice-cream float in his belly!"

Both Roy and her mother laughed at her revelation. It was all too true.

"I suppose so. Thank you for taking care of him for me."

"Of course Mister Roy!" Ruby slid off Ed's lap, taking the empty seat next to her mother to finally eat her melting ice cream.

"Huh? Did-did you leave?"

Roy tapped Ed's chest, lifting his chin. The golden eyes widened, glancing around jerkily as he broke into a grin. "You're back! With the car I-I hope?"

_Nod_.

"Thank goodness. Help-help me-help me up." Ed placed his hands on the table to push, aided by Roy's support around his ribs. Standing was slow and Ed needed pause in between progress, but he was soon to his feet, if not panting from the pain.

"That's it, I'm taking you to a doctor, no way this is just a minor injury." Roy thanked Ruby and her mother Kathy before aiding the limping Ed to the car and carefully, slowly settling him inside.

"Ho-home now right?"

"Yeah."


	24. Chapter 24

Gosh guys, I never wrote Dr. Knox before, I hope I do him justice!

* * *

From the car to the door took them ten minutes to traverse the short distance, but the kink seemed to loosen on the way in. Ed could walk unaided once they reached the front door, though still with a noticeable limp. He surprised Roy as his trajectory veered suddenly and rushed as quickly as he could to the bathroom, Roy reminded of all the _soda_ he'd consumed as well as this being his first bathroom trip in hours.

He curiously followed, only to find Ed holding his lower back gingerly as he tried to position himself standing and facing the toilet.

"Ed? That's not how you..." He walked forward to assist when he realized that Ed was in too much pain to _sit_ on the toilet. Reaching around to the front, he helped Ed aim for the bowl, glancing down to see a blush forming on the blond's cheeks. "Don't be embarrassed. You know I've-"

"Thank you," Ed muttered, proceeding to urinate, the blush only deepening as he continued. Deep in thought, he lost his balance and fell back against Roy, luckily finishing _just_ before he could decorate the bathroom.

"If you wanted a hug, all you had to do was-"

Ed yelled out in frustration and shoved away from Roy, over-correcting his balance and landing on his bare ass as a result. The pain coursed through him from the sudden jarring and he _screamed_ before falling to his side and curling up in a shaking ball, erratic gasping indicating either lingering pain or panic-though Roy wasn't sure which.

He knelt down by Ed to comfort and help him, but as soon as he moved Ed's arm he was backhanded roughly.

"I don't want your goddamn _pity!_"

"It's not pity, you idiot, it's help." Roy tried once more to help the blond, but he wasn't offered a third chance because Ed swung his fist, connecting with Roy's skull hard enough to knock him out instantaneously.

They both lay on the floor, Ed slowly calming in the ignorance of what he'd done to Roy. He eventually, very slowly and sorely, sat himself up and sighed raggedly.

"I'm...I'm sorry. I don't know how you put up with me..." He felt around as his words earned only silence, beginning to think he'd been abandoned...until he felt the large form that was never there before. The _body_.

* * *

Roy awoke to a throbbing in his left temple. He vaguely remembered yelling before being hit... Oh right, that was standard procedure with Edward.

Only, didn't that whole thing happen in the _bathroom?_

Roy heard steady breathing near his head. Ignoring the throbbing, he turned to see Ed asleep on the couch, tear stains on his cheeks indicating that he had been awake not too long ago. Further inspection revealed that not only had they both moved to the living room, but Roy was on the floor next to the couch.

Even with Ed's injured back, he had dragged Roy out to the living room with him before climbing onto the sofa.

Were the tears from pain?

He hadn't been crying over punching _Roy_, had he?

"You never cease to amaze me," Roy murmured as he stood to make a phone call. He only hoped that, on a Saturday, he would be able to reach-

"Evening."

"Knox, good after-wait, evening?" Roy turned to the window to see the autumn sun setting the sky ablaze with a rainbow of color. He almost didn't process Knox's next words as the brilliance caught him off guard.

"You don't even know what time it is? Did you sleep half the day away? I thought your Lieutenant warned you about late nights on the weekends."

"No," Roy replied with a chuckle. "Before I was knocked unconscious, it _was_ afternoon."

"What did you get into a fight over this time?" Knox muttered, sounding all too familiar with Roy's habits.

"Bathroom etiquette, apparently." He turned his gaze to the sky again, guilty with the knowledge that Ed would never see it. "I called to ask if you'd make a house call."

"Were you hit _that_ hard?"

"No. I actually have someone here with a possible back injury, and moving him proves to be very painful. I don't want to aggravate his injury any further. Or give him reason to punch me _again_."

"So you want _me_ to be on the receiving end," Knox grumbled into the line. "I'll be over soon."

"Thank you."

* * *

With a glance at the still-napping Edward, Roy answered the knock at the door. Knox entered with his trade bag at his side, easily spotting Ed on the couch.

"Edward Elric?" Knox stepped forward curiously. "He's the one you called me for?"

"Yeah." Roy lifted Ed's arm and gave it a light shake, trying to awaken Ed without jostling his back. "We were at the store and a pile of canned food fell on him. The heaviest one landed right on his lower back."

"I'm surprised you convinced him to go shopping with you. I remember how hot-tempered this kid was."

"Honestly…" Roy sighed and sat on the couch, releasing Ed's arm when the blond continued sleeping. "There's something I haven't told you yet."

Knox raised a brow, glancing between the two. "Don't tell me he's gay?"

"Well, I-wait, you question that _he's_ not but you don't question about _me?_"

"Roy, I worked alongside you enough to see it. I can tell you like men _and_ women."

Roy's jaw dropped as he was outed. "But-but even _I_ didn't-I mean-"

"Relax, I never held it against you or anything. Your life, your business."

"Well… that's actually not what I wanted to tell you about." Roy pressed a hand gently to the sore spot on Ed's back, receiving no response. "When he brought his brother back from the gate, Ed sacrificed his five senses. He can't hear, see, feel, or taste or smell anything."

It was Knox's turn to go slack-jawed as the news. He stared at Ed for only a moment before turning to Roy. "This isn't some kind of joke, is it?"

"I only wish it were." Roy pressed harder, earning Ed's attention as he woke with a start and a pained gasp. Golden eyes searched haphazardly as fear overtook the pain on his face.

"Are-are you-" he ducked his head, breathing quickening as he slipped into a sudden panic.

"Hey, relax." Roy tapped on Ed's chest, frowning when he only broke into choked sobs.

"You're-you're gonna-leave me-leave me I-I'm sorry-" He gasped sharply, clutching at the cushion on the couch as he shook terribly. "All I do is-is fight back and-I'm so ob-obs-stin-nate-"

Despite Ed's claim, he didn't fight when Roy pulled him into a comforting hug. He tugged Ed's ponytail from side to side, telling him that he was _dead_ wrong.

"But you-you do so much for me and-and I-" his words devolved into unintelligible speech as he gasped on air, hands in fists so tight that he could painfully feel them. He only came out of it as Roy knocked the air right out of him with a punch to the chest. With pathetic wheezing breaths, the spasming abated and he slowly returned to reality.

"You weren't joking," Knox murmured. "How is he able to feel when you hit him?"

"The same way he can feel the pain in his back. I read up on the lesser-known senses of the body. Are you familiar with proprioception and interoception?"

"His five main senses were all that were taken?" Knox nodded slowly. "So he has somatic and visceral pain?"

"Yes. As well as thermoception. He can't taste what he eats or drinks, but he can feel the temperature of it."

"And balance?"

"Precarious due to the loss of his sight and his leg being made of automail, but he does manage to get around."

"Until a can falls on his back." Knox sighed as Roy carefully laid Edward onto his stomach, though not without questioning.

"On-on my side, it-it hurts less on my side. Hey, I-I said my side. Am-am I saying it right?" He received a nod, but chose to trust Roy's judgement and remain silent.

"I won't say he'll be cooperative while you examine him, but I'll try to keep him under control."

"Thank you for the reassurance," Knox replied sardonically. "Just hold him steady and keep him calm."

Roy pulled Ed's arms forward and tapped the hands against his chest, letting Ed know where he was. Unfortunately, this resulted in unease and confusion when he felt a slight twinge at his spine where Roy couldn't _possibly_ reach.

"Who-who's there? Are you alone?"

_No_.

"Are they touching my-" his breath hitched as Knox's hands trailed along the spine, just missing the pain. "My back," he panted; "don't let them-my back, no, it's gonna-" He jerked as Knox increased pressure around the area to discover the extent and severity of the injury. "Make them stop!"

"Roy, hold him still!"

"I'll hold his arms, you sit on his legs."

"I'm getting too old for this," Knox growled, pinning Ed's legs as Roy kept a firm grasp of Ed's wrists.

"Can you make this quick?" Roy requested as he realized Ed could feel the sudden weight on his legs. "You saw how he panics, and the longer-"

"Nearly done." Knox continued his inspection, earning pained gasps and fearful struggling from the restrained man. "It seems-"

"Please, please stop," Ed wheezed, escape efforts hampered by the debilitating pain. "Just let me go, I-I didn't mean-please, _please!_"

"Knox, are you done?!"

"Almost! This would be easier if he would keep still!"

"We can't just _tell_ him-"

"_Dammit_ just give me a _break!_" Ed cried, tearing his hands away from Roy. Rather than try to fight Knox, he grasped his head as though it would help him bear the pain. "Just a few...minutes," he pleaded. "I can't... I can't escape pain...you at least have-have eyes and I-I'm trapped-_please_..."

"That's not an unreasonable request." Knox released his hold on the shaking blond, pressing reassuringly on Ed's upper back until the shaking had dissolved into relaxed but quivering breathing.

"Have you finished?" Roy remained on his knees near Ed's head, staring at the sheen of sweat on his pale skin.

"I've examined enough to see that I can't cure him. The pain will eventually resolve itself, though he'll need to see a spinal specialist to realign his spine."

"He's going to need _surgery?_" Roy spluttered in horror.

"Surgery?" Knox laughed loudly. "Nothing so severe. I'm just not studied enough in chiropractic to treat him."

"You're kidding; he just needs to see a _chiropractor?_"

"Once his pain dissipates enough for him to move around without difficulty, yes. I'll prescribe him some painkillers to ease his healing, but you have to watch him and make sure he's not straining himself. I know you're both equally stubborn, so you shouldn't have a problem."

"Understood." Roy sighed in relief. "Thank you for coming over on such short notice."

"Of course. Keep me updated on his condition, will ya? He's a good kid."

"Yeah."

Roy saw Knox out, returning to Ed with the bottle of pain meds in his hand. He sighed and sat in the little room next to Ed on the couch, gently rolling his knuckles across Ed's uninjured vertebrae to relax him. He paused as the muscles tightened under his touch when his hands grew near to the tender spot.

"I… okay, I-I'm ready…"

"I'm not going to hurt you, Edward." Roy worked around the spot, purposefully avoiding any source of pain. He abandoned the task only for a moment to answer Ed's question.

"Y-you're not gonna touch-touch it anymore?"

_No_.

Ed's entire body shuddered as he relaxed completely, taking Roy's word for fact. He crossed his arms comfortably under his head as though the whole ordeal earlier hadn't even happened and even released a moan of pleasure as his tense muscles were worked over by strong hands.

"Where were you after sparring," Ed murmured, catching Roy off guard. "Hell I would have hired you full time…"

"You were just too young for me," Roy joked. "I don't suppose I'm getting out of doing this daily for you now, though." He pulled away, tossing the light blanket over Ed's bare back to prepare a pain-relief drink for him.

"Nobody told you to stop," Ed said with a chuckle, turning his head to the side as his eyes fluttered open. "Why'dya leave? Can't I at least have snuggles…"

"If he could only hear himself," Roy sighed. He was quick to crush the pill and add it to a smoothie, only mildly surprised when Ed was not only able to hold the cup with one hand, but drink it while still horizontal. "Were you this lazy before you hurt your back?"

Naturally, he received no answer as the smoothie was practically _inhaled_. Had the ice cream and soda already digested so quickly?

Then again, Ed _had_ knocked him unconscious for several hours.

"You're a rough one, Fullmetal." Roy carefully and slowly lifted Ed to his feet, despite grunts of pain and protest.

"Come onnnn I was so _relaxed_. Where are we going-um, going now?" He quickly figured it out as they approached the stairs. Ed took two hesitant steps up before stopping, panting from pain despite Roy's support and the pain medication. "I can't-I can't-_hell_," he hissed, hanging his head forward. "I think I.. I'll have to sleep down-down here tonight…"

"Not a chance, Edward." Roy positioned himself in front of Ed, pulled the blond's arms across his chest, and lifted Ed onto his back with his arms supporting Ed's thighs. One flesh leg and one automail tensed, mirroring the arms that gripped manically for support.

"What-what th-the hell a-are you-!" Ed let out a strained whine, huffing indignantly when he realized that he was indeed balanced safely and wouldn't fall. "S-sadist," he grumbled. "Warn a-a guy before you d-do that."

"My mistake." Roy climbed the stairs, not wanting to deny Ed the snuggles he had asked for.


	25. Chapter 25

The past week kind of flew by in a haze. The day he found a… _treatment_ for my back pain… that must have been Saturday, because he didn't leave me that day or the next.

What's the date, anyway?

I wonder what _year_ it is.

I don't even know the month!

Or the season.

_Giggle_.

I swear he has me drugged. I've been feeling so _loopy_ lately. My balance is shot, my thoughts are so chaotic, I… I feel stupid happy all the time.

But there's not much pain, so I don't really care.

To hell with co… um, coherency. _Haha_.

The pain is gone, and he pampers me as soon as I get home!

I mean, as soon as _he_ gets home.

_Snicker_.

He rubs my back at night. He rubs it whenever I ask him to! Maybe he's spoiling me. Maybe I'm being too needy. But holy _hell_ it feels good.

I don't think I would ask him so much if I wasn't feeling so..._affected_. Yeah, I think that's the right word. That's another word for _drugged_, right? Kinda?

My brain is shot, I swear.

But the pain is gone!

Oh, sore, I need more. I make my way to the kitchen-oh hell, balance is off, I missed the doorway, walked into the wall-and _laugh_ stupidly before feeling along the wall and making my way to the fridge.

I've figured out his little game. He puts the drugs _in_ my drinks.

Did he think I wouldn't figure it out because I'm _blind?_

Unfortunately, he's going to notice that I drank a few extra _meals_ today. I'm just trying to stave off any chance of pain. Like what I have now. It's not strong, I… hm. I don't feel it now. I twist and press on the spot, but it's still gone.

Did I _imagine_ the pain?

Oh hell, an ounce of prevention, right? Bottoms up!

And my legs indeed fly out from under me as I lose balance, dropping me with a sudden stop right on my ass. I expect the lightning strike of pain to course through me, but all I feel is a small twinge. I giggle gleefully at the deadened pain before sucking down the drink, realizing when I'm finished that I'm laying flat on the kitchen floor.

Too comfy to get up, I tell myself. Too content. I think too dizzy, too. How dizzy? I don't have eyes or ears to make that..._perception_, do I?

Guess dizzy and balance go hand in hand. Come on Ed, you're not that drugged that you can't figure that out.

I have a feeling that I'm blabbering nonsense. I don't care, nobody is around to hear me anyway.

Wait, what's that-

Relax Ed, nobody's _home_.

However, my sudden gut _feeling_ did in fact prove to be real and not just the smoothie digesting. I feel myself being sat up and my shoulders shaken, but I just snicker stupidly.

"Heyyy, I am happy to an-nounce that I am _pain-free!_" I begin laughing, totally ignoring when he tries to pull me to my feet.

Why get _up?_ It's perfectly comfy down here. Horizontally. Well I am half-vertical now, right? I laugh again, despite him shaking my shoulders to get my attention.

I barely register as he lifts me to my feet, or as we begin walking out of the kitchen. Honestly, I think I'm doing more _stumbling_ than walking, but he's here to catch me.

I find myself suddenly horizontal again, but the motion was so _sudden_ that either I tripped or…

I'm on the couch.

He didn't _shove_ me onto the couch, did he?

"Join me," I say stupidly, lifting my arms invitingly. He shoves them down next to me, not giving me a kiss or _anything_. How rude.

I kind of feel an inhibition called _pride_. It's telling me to stop acting so dumb.

But that's no _fun!_

"Come on, can't we have… have _snuggles?_"

There's no response, so I get up. I fall right back down as my balance gives out, but something else is wrong-I grab desperately at the floor.

"My leg," I gasp; my left leg! "Where is my leg?!"

* * *

Roy dropped his kitchen project to return to Edward's side-the man was being so much _trouble_ today-only to find him floundering helplessly on the floor with distress on his face.

"My leg," Ed cried again. "I can't feel my _leg!_"

Roy sighed in exasperation as he rolled Edward onto his back, guided Ed's hands to the automail and had him hit it repeatedly.

"My-my leg-" Ed trailed off as realization dawned on his face. The stoned look in his eyes never left as he snickered. "Oops. It's metal!"

"You have _got_ to be kidding me," Roy moaned. He dragged Ed back to the couch and unceremoniously tossed him onto it _again_, leaving for the kitchen.

"I thought you would know better than to take so _much_ of the stuff," he muttered. He glanced into the sink to find _double_ the usual cups from the day. "You are such an idiot; you can overdose from those pills!"

_Who am I fooling_, Roy thought to himself. _I shouldn't have left them so readily accessible. Especially for how much pain he's had lately…_

"...Amestris has the finest military _brass_, and the state alchemists gonna kick your _ass!_" Ed's horrid off-key singing filtered into the kitchen, followed by fits of stupid giggles and then a _thump_ as he likely fell off the couch.

Roy had been resisting. He really had. But he couldn't help his reaction and did a _complete _facepalm.

He ignored Ed's drugged antics as he moved the few remaining med smoothies to the bottom shelf and prepared a few fresh _clean_ ones for the night and following morning. Having become rather adept at the art of smoothies, he was finished in no time flat.

He walked through the living room on his way to his office, detouring only to lift the sleeping Ed back onto the couch for a _third_ time.

Dialing the familiar number, Roy leaned back and lazily placed his feet on his desk. He smiled as the cheerful voice came through the line.

"Rockbell Automail, Winry speaking!"

"Good evening, Winry. How are things in Risembool?"

"Oh, Roy! Really good, actually. Business is great! How about you? How are you and Ed doing?"

"You know Edward," Roy replied with an amused sigh. "Trouble finds _him_."

"What happened?"

"Just a small accident where he hurt his back. He's feeling better, but he managed to get hold of some extra pain medication, and well… he's acting like a drunken idiot. I've solved the problem and it won't happen tomorrow."

"Geez. He never gave himself a chance to abuse pain pills, even during automail surgery. Why is he doing it now?"

"For a few days, he could barely walk. I imagine he thinks the meds are a cure. Besides getting up and moving around, he doesn't have all that much freedom, so he's just trying to retain what normality he has."

"I suppose you're right."

"How is Alphonse?"

"Oh. He actually just got back from Xing yesterday."

Roy could hear the mix of relief and disappointment in her voice. "Still no answers, then?"

"Unfortunately, nothing from the East. He really thought he would find an answer…"

"I'm worried that this might be permanent. Ed hasn't mentioned once about any cure or answer to getting his senses back, so… he must already know."

"But for him to have to _live_ like that for the rest of his life…"

"It really isn't fair." He frowned. "I think a visit from his mechanic and his brother would cheer him up, though. Business isn't too much for you to take a break and visit Central, is it?"

"Of course not. Can we expect Ed to be on good behavior by then?" She giggled.

"Of course. I'll make sure of it." He hung up after goodbyes and returned to the living room to find Ed laying with his back on the floor and his legs on the couch. He was still asleep, though Roy had _never_ seen anyone fall into that position before. He lifted Ed with ease, sliding himself underneath the blond and wrapping his arms around him protectively. He received a faceful of hair as Ed shifted his weight and scooted up just a bit to stretch his spine.

_Groan_.

* * *

My breakfast didn't have any medication in it. I could tell because my back was bothering me and I didn't feel the fogged _bliss_. I think I asked for some and complained, maybe with a bit of exaggeration, about the pain.

It's really not that _bad_, just a dull ache, but for the past few days I didn't have _any_ and it was really nice.

I wander to the fridge and reach in, trying to find another cup. Unfortunately, I feel myself pulled back and turned away from the fridge.

What-is he trying to _limit_ me? Come on, I need pain relief!

_No_.

Oh hell, did I say that out loud? Knock it off, Edward!

"Come on, just-just a little bit?"

_No_.

"Well that's just _fine_ for _you_, you don't have any back pain!"

He pulls me to him for a kiss, the _nerve_, and I lift my arm to smack him away-but I lower it when I realize how unpleasantly _reactive_ I'd been lately. I just sigh into the kiss, wrapping my arms around him obediently. I feel him pull away immediately, but I just step forward and squeeze around his middle once more.

"Sorry. I… I know I'm an ass-asshole. People used to tell me all the-all the time. I-I don't want to be selfish, um, selfish. Because I really do love-" My breath hitches as my mind holds me back. I can't… I can't tell him the _truth_ because I still don't know his name, and he might think… I'm just certifiably insane, or only in this for the dependency. "I love-that you care for me...enough to do ev-everything you do. Thank-thank you."

His arms wrap around me and he holds me inescapably tightly, though it doesn't last long and I'm free again. Before I can dejectedly return to the couch, he takes my arm and leads me to the front door.

"Out, are we going out?"

_Nod_.

"Not for very long-very long, my back still hurts a-a little. I might get-" I silence myself before I can pitifully admit to _tiring_ easily. Stop being a baby, Ed; _live_ a little.

He puts my coat on-I've figured out that's why he dresses me before we leave-and leads me out the front door.

Our walk actually _is_ fairly far, leading around a lot of turns and pauses which I assume is crossing the street. I shudder as I imagine getting _lost_ in this city and trying to find my way back home. Maybe I would try to get his address.

Hah, _how_, Edward?

Well, I don't know, hit me for the numbers…

And the street name?

We could… figure out…

You'd never know if you had it right. Just enjoy being his toy doll, will you?

I hang my head as we walk, obediently following his lead. I ignore the sense that someone else is _next_ to me and trying to get my attention and just follow him, knowing that these stupid little moments could never make me _whole_ again.

* * *

He hadn't missed it. Roy had _seen_ that look of recognition on Ed's face when Elicia Hughes ran up to them to talk to them. He just didn't expect Ed to ignore the sixth sense and close his eyes as he pushed on to keep walking.

Roy stopped him long enough to explain to Elicia that Ed couldn't hear or see her, catching her off guard. She rushed Ed to give him a hug when she heard the news.

"Who…" Ed trailed off with a frown, pulling away from her slowly. "I don't-sorry, I don't want-want to be… out right now."

"Ed?" Roy gave his arm a shake, not expecting when Ed yanked it away and stumbled a few steps to the side.

"Why-why do you always bring me out-out into _public?_ Do-do you _like_ letting people see-see me like this?"

Roy took Ed's arms firmly in his grasp, but Ed freed himself easily. With a quick shove, Ed put distance between the both of them, knocking himself on his rear from the loss of balance. Roy watched Ed and waited for the man to calm and return to his senses-how ironic of a phrase was _that_-but instead he saw the sadness in those golden eyes replaced by sudden fear.

"No, no, h-hell, I don't… hey, are you okay? Are you there?! Oh no, no I can't, I don't know my way…" Ed crawled to his knees, feeling around blindly in front of him as his breathing quickened. "Please-please, are-are you…"

"I'm right here Edward," Roy said sadly, lifting Ed's head by the chin. His heart sunk as immeasurable relief flooded the glistening, jerky eyes and Ed reached forward to find Roy's hand.

"I-I'm sorry I-I just-" He stuttered pathetically as he stood again with Roy's help, burying himself in the man's chest with an astounding lack of pride. "I-I can't-I don't-I'm s-sorry, please don't-I mean-w-we can go-go now…"

"I'm sorry Elicia, we-"

"I understand. It was good to see you two again." She smiled and waved to the both of them as Roy led the shaking Edward down the sidewalk.

* * *

I miss my senses. I miss being able to care for myself, knowing where I am and what I'm doing. I miss _talking_ to people.

This thing with the gravity on my limbs and the hot and cold with my organs... well, it's just not _enough!_ And that sixth sense only gives me a bare clue, but I never know if it's friend or foe, it's so _useless_.

Like the Colonel in rain.

But he at least has hearing and touch and taste and smell. I envy him right now. I would gladly be blind the rest of my life if I could have my other senses.

I'm stripped of _all_ of them.

I don't know where I live.

I don't know who I live _with_.

And yet I love him.

How _fucked up_ am I?

Is it selfish of me to want my old life back? To be able to _know_ for sure who I'm talking to?

To be _able_ to talk to them, hold a conversation?

I know I can be a grump, but I'm a social person. I _need_ interaction. I'm not some damned bookworm introvert-not that I'm knocking that, Sczieska is pretty awesome in her own right, but I just… _need_ more than this.

I tell myself it's okay, that I'll adjust. I take another baby step and learn something new, sure. But it all comes back down to, no matter _what_, I can't feed myself, bathe myself, even find my own way. Without the care of another, I would slowly die.

So what's the point of _trying?_

We're still walking. My back doesn't really hurt, but I'm starting to feel tired. Honestly, why are we _walking?_ Is it part of my _therapy?_

Bring the invalid out where he could get lost and die.

Or walk into traffic and die.

Fall into a sewer manhole and die.

Why do I keep on _living?_

I slither my free arm around the one he holds my wrist with, hanging onto his arm as though we were dangling off a cliff and not safe on pavement.

I have a lot of reasons to not want to live. There are just as many ways that I could die from being in this state.

Somehow, after all of this time, I'm still alive. I'm still scrambling through, surviving, clutching at life.

I guess I sometimes forget… Alphonse and I, we always had people behind us, supporting us in our journey. Without them all, we never would have made it or have saved the country.

Now, _he_ supports me. Despite how easily I get angry, frustrated or panicky, he's _always_ there for me to take away my pain, or take a punch.

I don't know if he sees potential in me. I don't think there's much I can contribute to the world in my state. Maybe there's a _reason_ that I've survived this long, though.

Maybe the gatekeeper, maybe Truth, maybe _God_ sees something in me and keeps me going.

Or continues my torment with the evergrin of his.

If I've made it this far, gone this long with this _little_, then I can keep going, dammit. If he's willing to support me and teach me and _love_ me, then I'll take this tattered reality and turn it into something beautiful.

For everyone who backed my brother and I in trying to get our bodies back…

I owe them that much.


	26. Chapter 26

_To Secret __Companion_-Correct! Roy's rendezvous with the gate was a bit accidental, but Ed traded himself to pull Alphonse (and his soul) out, so Truth's keeping _those_ trading cards.

I also apologize for the bit at the end. I couldn't resist.

* * *

When we finally reach our destination, he lets me sit down for a little while to relax. I don't want to appear weak, but honestly, I've been a bit _lazy_ and incapacitated this past week and our two or whatever mile walk kind of kicked my butt. I sit back and steady my breathing and heartbeat with ease, missing my old stamina from my old _life_.

I tell him I'm ready, but we remain sitting. I wonder if he thinks I'm just being eager, so I try to convince him that I really am ready. His response is a subtle _No_.

Oh. Maybe we're waiting for someone.

I reach out for his hand, searching for my anchor to safety in this large and dangerous world, and pull it to my lap comfortingly. Feeling completely at ease, I slip off to my fantasy world of white to dream of happy times and visions of beauty that I'll never see again.

I don't need sight, as long as I have him. He sees the world for me. He sees more than I ever could, sees what my life can _be_ and makes it so.

Without him, I might still be in that recliner without any clue of its extra function, or how to escape. I'd have no strength to move, I wouldn't know the comfort of the rails or that I was able to navigate an entire _home_ by myself.

He's tapping my chest. He moves my hands with his own, cueing me to stand.

"Oh good we're going-going now."

I miss the medicated drink as we stand, though the light twinge is hardly the debilitating pain it was a week ago. It's just enough for me to take a few baby steps before my speed picks up and we're moving, though our path unfortunately winds around a maze of hallways and walls and I nearly trip as something suddenly appears in my path.

My breath remains even and steady as I grip him with absolute trust, though I'd be lying to say this blind and chaotic navigation has become natural or easy for me.

We stop moving and I _feel_ myself relax. For as little as I use clues from my muscles compared to my bones and joints, I'm surprised to feel a buildup of tension in them suddenly _dissolve_.

He lays me down on my stomach just as he had done with the initial..._examination_. The day that I was forced to endure constant pain, treated like a test subject as they pushed on my agonizingly tender spine and muscles-

I come out of the memory to find myself gasping in fear, shaking under his supportive touch. Just the memory of the pain is enough to feel it shooting through me, causing phantom lancing and unnecessary panic.

Though his hands are holding mine, I feel a second set move to my back. I immediately jerk away in fear of the last time this happened, my breath hitching as I cry out.

Come on Edward! He didn't hurt you. Return to reality, steady your breathing, _relax_. Give it a chance.

The hands touch me again, pressing into my upper back. I twitch in reflex but force myself to remain in place and _calm_ my erratic breathing.

There's a low thrum deep in my throat as I try to apologize for my irrational fear. The only response I'm given is a soothing rub along the muscles next to my spine. It's enough to relax me before they continue poking and prodding and I guess... _inspecting_ me.

Diagnosing me?

"Doctor?"

My revelation proves true as my head is nodded gently. I realize I should have figured this out a week ago, but... I _have_ had a sketchy life so far. Though I should know better that he wouldn't let anyone hurt me.

_Whoa!_ Hey, _hey!_

What was _that?!_

Though unexpected, the sudden crack and pop of my spine as he jerked my body _did_ feel good. I exhale shakily and relax, feeling him oblige in a different location as I speak.

"Do...that _again_."

I feel a series of soothing cracks and snapping in my joints and neck and more in my back, and by the end my hands slip out of his and _dangle_ off of this..._table_ of the doctor's. I feel him begin to lift and turn me, but I groan and try to pull away.

"Go away. Too comfy."

A sudden feeling deep in my _rear_ gets me moving. He grabbed my _ass!_

I shoot to my feet, imagining how red my face must be as I cross my arms indignantly.

"I-I'd tell you to kiss it but you might like-_like_ that."

He hugs me before leading me out of the room. I wonder if he laughed at my comment.

_Smartass_.

* * *

Shortly after leaving the chiropractor's office, Ed's walking became slow and sluggish and he stopped with a whine.

"Hey. Hey, I-I need to _go_."

"Go? To the _bathroom?_" Roy sighed in exasperation. "And you let me know _after_ we leave. You're worse than a kid…"

"Are-are we near a bath-a bathroom?" Ed tugged lightly on Roy's arm, golden eyes searching curiously.

"Well, we _were_…" Roy paused to gaze at the buildings around them. He spotted a small restaurant and led Edward in, finding the bathroom easily and making sure the seat was clean before allowing the blond to use the toilet.

Not the most pleasant part of their day, but at least it's better than panicking at the chiropractor's office. Luckily, Ed's doctor had been rather patient and understanding of his condition.

Flushing and washing up rather well for such a lack of external sensory abilities, Ed exited the bathroom with Roy. He stopped immediately, sighing before speaking with an apologetic expression.

"We-we're kinda far from home and-and I-I'm hungry."

"Good thing we stopped in a restaurant, then." Roy gently nodded Ed's head before leading him to a table.

"Are-are we at that frozen food place? Where I met the girl-the girl from the train?"

_No_.

"Oh." Ed slouched in his seat a bit. "Too bad. I like her."

"Me too." Roy gave their waitress a winning smile as she walked up, asking for coffee for them both to start. As soon as it arrived, Roy stuck a straw in Ed's and placed the cup into his hands, wisely supervising as Ed took a sip and nearly dropped it from shock.

"_Ah!_ It's so _hot!_"

"Hot coffee usually is." That _was_ a bit unfair, as Ed couldn't well have been warned beforehand. "Let it cool a bit fir-"

"You're a dick," Ed blurted, pushing the cup away. "Giving me something that damn hot."

Roy just smiled and stirred the coffee, hoping to cool it quicker. A glance revealed an older woman and her husband curiously watching them. They spotted Roy's gaze and began to turn away, but stopped as Ed spoke.

"Hey, I said I was hungry and-and whatever you gave me isn't-it's not enough. You know I-I have a big appetite."

"And mouth," Roy murmured quietly, diplomatically ignoring the nosy elderly couple. He reached forward to press on Ed's stomach, earning an adorably indignant whine.

"Yeah it-it's still empty! Fill it!"

"Soon, Edward." Roy flagged their waitress so he could order. He chose a simple dish of pasta for himself and a creamy bowl of hot soup for Ed, requesting nothing solid in the soup. "You understand, my friend can't have solid food."

"Oh uh... Yeah, sure. I'll tell the cook."

"Thank you." As she left, he tested the coffee again, finding it cool enough to feed to Ed without burning him.

"Thank you," Ed murmured as Roy placed the cup into his hands. Though Ed didn't have the best grip for holding things, he had an iron grip on the mug as he sucked the coffee down in record time. "It's… warm. You always feed-feed me cold, but.." He trailed off with a content smile. "I-I like it."

"Then you'll love the soup." Roy held up his unopened straw and a spoon, sighing as he tried to decide which to give to Ed. Though he had eaten ice cream with a spoon, the ice cream remained solid and stuck to the utensil. One minor tilt and the soup would spill back into the bowl...or onto Ed.

He finally decided to try the spoon. If Ed wasn't getting enough into his mouth for each helping, surely he'd figure out _why_ and prefer the alternative.

He placed the utensil in Ed's hand, squeezing until he saw a wince on Ed's face. He understood the cue and hit the utensil with his other hand a few times, _examining_ it.

"Fork or spoon right?"

_Nod_.

"Um… spoon?"

_Nod_.

"See, I… I say spoon. And I-I think I'm saying the word I want. But maybe my mind mixes it up with _fork_… and I don't know-know because I can't _hear_ it." Ed finally admitted something that had been holding him back from guessing the outside world further. He set the spoon on the table, sighing. "Maybe more-more clues. A fork has tines-has _tines_ and they're _sharp_. You poke s-someone with it. And a spoon… um…you… oh how the _hell_ do we dep-depict that with my _limited_ s-sensation…"

Roy took Ed's fist, lifted it, and brought it forcefully down onto Ed's thigh. Feeling the slight tremor in his leg, Ed jumped with a start, calming when Roy shook his head for _no_. Ed began to stutter out a confused response, quieting when Roy moved his hand to drop the phantom fork and pick up the spoon and then _nod_ his head.

Focused confusion was clear in his knitted brows and eyes that twitched back and forth, Roy smiling when Ed unwittingly mouthed unspoken words as his mind _whirred_.

"...Stab...fork? No fork, yes spoon, is-is that what you meant?"

Roy leaned forward to reward Ed with a hug. _Genius. Kid is a goddamn genius._

_Yes_.

"No _way_, I got it!" Ed's eyes lit up and his face broke into a huge grin. "So that-that means I didn't mix-mix up the-the words! Right? Did I mix them up?"

_No_.

"So I-I've been saying the right w-words after all!" He had a shit-faced grin as he eagerly clutched the spoon. "Take that you gate-gate bastard!"

Roy let out a loud laugh, quieting apologetically as the waitress appeared with their order.

"Thank you. No solids in his soup?"

"There shouldn't be, sir. The cook, he, well… I ran the soup through a blender just to make sure." She glanced nervously at Ed. "That's all right sir, isn't it?"

Just as Roy opened his mouth, Ed turned his head toward her and actually looked _up_, squinting confusedly. After a moment's pause, he spoke, earning both pride and a facepalm from Roy.

"Food?"

"How he's doing that I'll never know," Roy muttered, taking the bowl from her. "That will be fine ma'am, thank you."

"Of course, sir. I'll be by in case you need anything!"

Once she walked off, Roy guided Ed's hand to the soup and stirred it to cool it to drinking temperature. He released his grasp, glad to see the stirring continue as Roy ate a bit of his own pasta.

"Am I-am I making my own food?"

_No_.

"It has to be mixed-mixed together?"

_Yes_.

"Oh." Ed paused in mixing before resuming. "Almost done? I'm hungry."

"Yes, Ed." Roy tested the soup _just_ to be sure, halting the stirring to begin the feeding. Recognition flooded Ed's face as Roy repeated the ice cream scoop-and-swallow motion, Ed pulling away after just two spoonfuls.

"Okay I can-I can do it."

"Impatient, just like a kid."

Ed dug into the soup, eating eagerly and dribbling soup off the spoon on the way to his mouth each time. Noting the lack of warm liquid filling him, he paused and tried moving the spoon to his mouth more carefully, successfully getting a bit more in per spoonful.

After Ed had the bowl halfway emptied, he slowed in eating, sighed in exasperation, and tossed the spoon into the bowl.

Having finished his own pasta some time ago and moved onto pudding, Roy sat alert at the sudden movement. "Ed, wh-"

"This whole time," Ed growled. He shoved back on his chair, stood and turned to face the nosy elderly couple as he crossed his arms. "Whatever you might th-think, I'm not a _retard_. So if-if you stop _staring_ at me that would be _nice!_"

The two froze, grabbed their check and left in a hurry, leaving only a confused waitress and Roy watching Edward. The annoyance left his face as he pointed toward the front door and grinned triumphantly.

"I-I think I scared them off."

"Edward _how_ the hell did you do that?!" Roy stood and took Ed by the shoulders, frightening him with surprise.

"H-hey, I-" He only calmed when Roy thumped his chest. "They-they _were_ watching me right?"

_Yes_.

"Were they f-friends?"

_No_.

"So I was right in what I said-what I did?"

"Mostly," Roy sighed as he pulled Edward into a hug. He sat them both back down, cleaning off Ed's spoon before returning it to his hand. "Now finish your-"

"Are you mad at me?" Ed's words were quiet and accompanied by an adorable pout. His golden eyes glanced up toward Roy, but despite his curious accuracy lately, they still missed their mark.

_No_.

"Are-are you sure?"

_Yes_.

Roy sealed the conversation with a squeeze of Ed's thigh under the table, dangerously close to his pelvis. Ed jumped, knocking his knees on the table in alarm and causing the silverware and plates to clatter. He hung his head as his face reddened, but Roy could spot the grin on his face, however nervous.

"O-okay. I'm-I'm gonna-let's-food now."

They peacefully finished their meal together, Roy aiding Ed in killing off the last of the soup. Roy slipped Ed a few spoonfuls of pudding, receiving no response to its difference from the soup...not that he expected any.

"Sometimes I-I can sense energy near me," Ed explained without prompt, snapping Roy out of the peaceful silence. "I don't know-don't know how. It's both a feeling and-and I just _know_. I just thought you might like to-like to know."

"Oh, Ed." Roy stood them both up, giving Ed a firm hug. "Thank you."

"Hey, my-my heart is beating really fast. What did you feed me?"

"Just soup." Roy led Ed to the checkout counter, faltering in his footsteps as he remembered. _Oops_. Coffee. He never gives Ed caffeine.

"Can we go for a run-a run? My heart is-is _pounding_."

"After just getting back on your feet?" Roy pressed on Ed's lower back, earning an annoyed swat.

"What are you doing? My back doesn't h-hurt. Can't we run?"

"Not just yet. You need to heal first." Roy led Ed toward home, curiously listening above the sounds of the city as Ed began _humming_. He didn't recognize the tune, though it was steady and varied, and he couldn't help but wonder if Ed just wanted to _feel_ it or if he was that happy.

Or hyper.

"Jitter jitter jump," Ed suddenly said, an extra spring in his step as they walked. "You fed me something to make me hyper! Sugar?" Before Roy could get an answer out, Ed _hopped_ in place. "I know this feeling I _remember_ this feeling it's _caffeine!_ Why would you feed me tea?!"

"Close enough," Roy murmured as he dragged Ed along languidly.

"Jitter jitter jump!" Ed repeated, following eagerly. "Caffeine puts more energy in my _rump!_"


	27. Chapter 27

HI GUYS sorry I wasn't sure what I wanted to tackle in this chapter but I picked the inevitable if not difficult way out. It also took a bit longer, haha. I hope it's everything you anticipated!

And ❤**Happy Valentine's Day!**❤

* * *

When we got home and I _knew_ the layout of where I was, I bolted around the house like an idiot. I tested my accuracy of where things were as I ran around and even tried a few handstands and cartwheels to burn off the jittery energy.

I stopped when my back started hurting again. He was right there with me to literally pick me up off the floor after a failed handstand and a rather remindful twinge in my back.

I bet he was scolding me for pushing my limits.

Maybe he was actually praising me for trying new things? I don't know, and I didn't ask, I only limped a bit with him to the couch to settle down.

He laid me on my belly again and I curiously asked _why_ before attempting to get a med drink. He ignored my inquiries as his hands met my back and began rubbing tenderly yet firmly, therapeutically eliminating my pain and finally bringing me off the energy high as I settled into inescapable relaxation.

Ohhh, _yeah_.

"Is this what you do?" I had asked airily. "Are you a ma-a masseuse? You _should_ be..."

For as revved up as I was earlier, I crashed completely, falling asleep under his magic touch.

Yesterday was _awesome_.

* * *

No meds, no soreness, no jitters.

I peacefully wake not on the couch, but warm in the wide expanse of his bed. Slithering out from under the restrictive blanket, I call out for the aid of the man I share the home with, since he wasn't next to me as usual.

There's no response and I wonder if he went downstairs or if he had to use the bathroom. I know there's one upstairs because some nights I wake up and have to go and like a _child_, he escorts me.

I never made my way to the upstairs bathroom while awake, so I couldn't check for him there. I wish I _had_, because I have to _go_.

Though he always guides me, I know the route to the stairwell. Out of habit from so many years, I rub the sleep from my eyes. I miss stupid little things, like being able to _feel_ that.

Hand guiding me along the wall, my steps slow as I near the stairs. My gait has been reduced to baby steps in anticipation of the first step, the sudden disappearance of the floor. My heart is thumping nervously, but it's nothing compared to the _pounding_ as I hit that first step and nearly fall forward, gasping in panic as I grip the railing and catch myself.

I never thought I'd say this in exception of Central Command's entrance, but I _hate_ stairs.

Each step is a slow and methodical thump of my heel slipping off one stair and meeting the next. It's harder with my automail foot, as the shock in my leg is limited to barely a _stump_ of borderline-arthritic bone and wire-infused muscle.

I don't know how close to the ground floor I am. I just know that I'm going too _slow_ because I really, _really_ have to go.

"Hey!" I yell out, continuing my descent. "_Hey!_ Where are you?!"

He didn't _leave_ for the day, did he? Please tell me he only ran downstairs to make coffee.

"Are-are you there?"

I have to be _almost_ downstairs, right?

_Thump, thump_.

I don't even remember drinking so much liquid last night, hell!

The floor finally levels out, flat and even. I take a few tentative steps _just_ to be sure, then shoot off for the bathroom at breakneck speed.

I'm almost there-_almost_ there!-and I _slam_ into something, knocking me backward. I come out of the daze just in time to feel a sudden relief, causing me to cry out in frustration. My arms are lifted and I tear them away, realizing I ran into _him_ on the way.

"You _asshole_ I was al-almost th-there!" I can't _feel_ the urine on my clothes, but I know I had soaked them through. I curse aloud and get to my feet without aid, giving him a shove as he stands in my path. "This-this wouldn't have hap-_happened_ if you weren't in my-in my _way!_"

I stumble into the bathroom, gasping shamefully and stupidly on _tears_ as I shed my clothing and slip into the tub to curl up. There's a tugging on my head just feather-light enough to tell me he's released my hair from its ponytail, as he always does for my bath.

"I can-I can bathe _myself!_" I snap, fumbling forward to turn both knobs on. He moves my hands away, reminding me that I could easily scald my skin if I'm not careful. Today, I wouldn't give a crap. It's not as if I could _feel_ it anyway!

I snatch the bottle of shampoo before he can, squeezing it ungracefully over my head. I then toss it rather satisfyingly at _him_ before scrubbing my fingers into my hair.

"This _is_ your fault you know I-I was _almost_ to the toilet-the toilet and you-you _stopped_ me and if-if you were just _there_ when I woke-I woke up!" I was still gasping on my breaths, though I wasn't sure if it was from embarrassment, the humidity in the bathroom or if I might still be _crying_. He nods my head and I quickly make another demand for independence.

"Now you'll _teach_ me the way to the up-upstairs _bathroom!_"

_Nod_.

Satisfied, I sit back and allow him to bathe me, despite my battered pride. I don't jerk away when he nears my privates, though I do feel his pressured touch hesitate since I usually insist on washing _that_ area myself.

"Well go a-go _ahead_. You're making me wait-wait for breakfast, _you_ hurry up!"

We finish rather quickly, though I don't wait for him to dry me off. I race out of the bathroom toward the kitchen, undoubtedly dripping water the entire way. I pay no mind to it until I'm drinking my breakfast bare-assed, feeling my body temperature drop much faster than usual.

It's not just my cold breakfast, it's because I'm wet and nude. _Oops_.

I feel something wrap around me. I wonder if it's his arms or if it's a blanket. Just to show my appreciation, I shake my head back and forth to sling my wet hair and give _him_ a shower. I grumble in annoyance as I shiver and realize that I had probably been visibly trembling.

He's so sweet, I can't _stay_ mad at him. As much as I'd like to.

I needed my morning bath anyway.

"Thank-thank you," I mutter as I'm wrapped securely again. I blissfully relax as he pulls me into his arms and my body slowly warms while I forget my wet hair that's probably _soaking_ his shirt. Although after earlier, I would probably let it happen anyways.

I wonder if he wrapped me in a _towel_.

Ever the analyst, my mind can't just _shut up_ and enjoy the peace of the moment for an extended period. I bring the heel of my palm up to my head and give it a whack, chuckling when he grabs my wrist.

"Don't mind-mind me, just trying to knock some s-sense into myself."

_No_.

"I'm not gonna _hurt_ my-myself."

_No_.

"What, are-are you mad?"

_No_.

"Then _what?_"

He hits my head repeatedly, just enough for me to _feel_ it. I swat his hand away but he only keeps at it, annoying the _hell_ out of me.

"Wh-what are you d-doing!"

He keeps _hitting_ me!

"Hey if-if _I _can't knock sense into me, n-neither can _you!_"

_No_.

"Are you trying to say that nobody can?!"

_Yes_.

"Knock _this!_" I swipe my leg out, feeling it connect with _his_ and sweep them out from under him. My plan is thwarted when he grabs me on the way down, the two of us crashing to the floor together.

Though my back remains unharmed I feel a weak pain in my right knee and my collarbone as gravity collides me with the floor and _him_. I roll off him with an annoyed grunt and cross my arms.

"You des-served that, you know."

He only pulls me to my feet and leads me to the couch, wrapping me in an uncomfortably restrictive blanket and making me hold it tight.

"Are you getting me some damn clothes now?!"

_Yes_.

I wait for a minute until he's gone before I wrestle out if the annoying cloth, tossing it to the floor. I'm sure I'm dry now, and _besides_, I don't get to feel such a drastic internal change in temperature all that often.

What if everyone were blind? I lay back on the cushions, spreading out in full view of any window peepers that might be around.

Nobody would worry about clothes, except for warmth. Or _blankets_.

My legs and hips move, but I pay it no mind. I know he's putting my pants on. It's funny to think that he puts my pants _on_, but it's only ever me that takes them _off_.

"No shirt," I request for the first time. "I don't wanna wear a shirt-any clothes today."

I have a feeling I mixed some words up. My brain shot off a bit faster than I'm used to.

"That's okay right?"

_No_.

"Well why? It's not cold-not cold out is it?"

_Yes_.

_Oh_. What season?

"Winter?"

_No_.

"Au-autumn? Fall?"

_Yes_.

"Oh. Well to hell with-with clothes! We can just snuggle all day!"

He doesn't approve or deny, only obliges me in a gentle embrace and a loving kiss.

As silly as it sounds, I can _feel_ the love between us.

* * *

In between keeping Ed occupied and amused, Roy had prepared the house for Alphonse and Winry to visit. He had left Ed upstairs after guiding him back and forth to the bathroom to nullify any chances of another _accident_.

The knock at the door alerted Roy to their arrival. He opened the door and greeted the two with a smile and hello, welcoming them into his uncharacteristically quiet home.

"Where is he?" Al immediately inquired, curiously gazing around for his brother.

"Upstairs, memorizing the path to the bathroom."

"He can do that on his own?"

"He found his way out _your_ front door alone, didn't he?"

"Well yes but-"Al froze as he saw Ed gripping the banister and making his way down the stairs at a rather impressive pace for someone who couldn't _see_ them.

"Dammit Ed, I didn't say you could use the stairs alone!" Roy ran forward, though Ed seemed to _sense_ him, trip, somehow _catch_ his balance and _run_ down the remainder of the stairs flawlessly. Surprising all three, he veered slightly and zoomed into the kitchen. As they ran to check on him, they watched him slide to a stop right next to the fridge, yank it open, and snag a smoothie out to suck it down.

There was a ridiculously fake expression of innocence on his face as his golden eyes jerked around. That little shit _knew_ he'd been caught.

"For the record, that's only the _second_ time he came downstairs alone."

"How the hell did he _do_ all of that?" Al exclaimed, walking into the kitchen to check on his big brother.

"He's become… rather skilled at navigating this house while I'm away at work. That and he seems to be able to sometimes _sense_ the presence of others around him."

"How can he _sense_ people without his senses?" Winry asked curiously, setting her suitcase down near the kitchen doorway.

"Maybe it's the Dragon Pulse?" Alphonse watched as Ed nonchalantly chucked his smoothie cup into the sink, missing it by _just_ an inch and causing it to clatter across the counter. Ed put a hand to his flat tummy with a content sigh as he began to blissfully walk out of the room, but he stopped suddenly, golden eyes wide with recognition.

"What is it? What does he see, Roy?"

"I...don't know, Winry."

Turning slowly, Ed faced Alphonse, hesitantly walking the few steps to close the distance between them. His hands were _shaking_ as they reached up and took Al's head and leaned it forward, their foreheads touching as Ed repeated Al's motion himself. They stood quietly for several minutes, Ed's expression shifting between focus and relaxation.

"I… I know…" Ed hesitated, the following silence shortly interrupted by a violent gasp as Ed tore back, hands still grasping Al's head. "_Alphonse?!_"

"Brother!" Al's hands flew to Ed's shoulders in surprise, though he remembered Roy's nodding motion and imitated it. "But _how_ did you-"

"Alphonse," Ed wheezed, flying forward to envelop his brother in an encompassing hug. His momentum nearly knocked them both off their feet as he broke freely into choked sobs. "Alphonse I-I thought I-"

"I'm sorry, brother. I'm so sorry."

"Y-you're… _whole_ and h-healthy again… oh Alphonse I was so-so _worried_," he gasped, not giving Al the slightest bit of breathing room. He finally released when he felt an overwhelming surge of sadness from the person in his arms. "Al-Alphonse, what's wrong?"

"This is all my fault," Al sniffled quietly. "All of your suffering has been my fault, and you don't even _know_…"

"Al?" Ed tapped Al's shoulder, though due to Ed's unintentional lack of subtlety, it was a bit rough. "Al why are-why are you so um...are you s-sad?"

"Yes, brother. You sacrificed so much for me."

Though Ed couldn't hear Al's words, he pulled him into a firm hug. "It's okay, Al. I'm fine, see? You don't-don't have to be sad." As Al's arms squeezed almost painfully around Ed's middle, he continued speaking. "I'm safe here with him-with _him_, so you don't have-have to worry."

"He still doesn't know who you are, does he?" Winry quietly asked Roy, watching as Ed soothingly rubbed Al's back as though Al was still the younger brother who needed looking after.

"No. I haven't found a way to tell him yet." Roy sighed. "To be honest, I'm worried he won't take the news well."

"He never really _hated_ you. He harbored animosity towards _everyone_, you're hardly an exception." She chuckled sadly. "If you find a way, please tell him. I'm sure it bothers him, even if he doesn't mention it. He was always a bit of a control freak, you know?"

"And now he has so little."

"Al I-I have to ask-ask you..." Ed trailed off as the brothers pulled apart. He hung his head a bit, bangs hiding the sadness on his face. "The day I-I brought you back, y-you... Were you okay?"

"Of course I was." Al nodded Ed's head.

"Did-did you recover quickly?"

_Yes_.

"Then why-" Ed gasped and grit his teeth as he began to tremble. "It-it was h-_hell_, Alphonse. Why didn't you _come_ for me?"

"I was there," Al replied quietly, slowly nodding Ed's head again.

"Yes? What do you _mean_ yes?" Confusion mingled with the distant fear in his revealing eyes. He sucked in another sharp breath and pulled away from his brother hesitantly.

Al took Ed's hands and tapped them against his own chest.

"Al what-are-are you trying-" Ed was clearly trying to fight off a panic attack, though he was slipping fast.

"Don't you _get_ it, Ed? It was me! It was _my_ fault!" Al mimicked a series of motions and events. Hitting Ed's arm where the IV used to be, moving Ed's arms to shadow the suicide attempt, and then tapping the automail leg stump and giving it a yank. Al was sobbing as he finished and his arms dropped weakly to his side.

Already panicky, the unsettlingly familiar motions pushed him just past his tipping point. He stumbled backward, eyes wide in horrified recognition.

"You-you were-you were _there?_ _You_ were my c-caretaker?" He barely felt Al's nod before he tore away and backed further, stumbling and falling flat on his back. He cast away the hands as they tried to help him up, growling angrily. "You're lying! You're _lying!_ My brother wouldn't _do_ that to me!" He cried out in anguish, nearly screaming in anger when Roy tried to help him up. "Al wouldn't let me wi-wither to nothing-to _nothing_ in that prison!"

"Edward!" Winry cried. "It wasn't his choice, it wasn't-"

"But it _was_ my fault, Winry!" Al cried as Ed curled up tightly and shook terribly, gasping out pitifully wheezy breaths and regressed into his awful, painful memories under _her_ care. Under _Al's_ care.

"You only did what you thought was right." Winry cringed when Ed lashed out in reply to more offered assistance, his stuttered words broken by tears and heavy wheezy gasps.

"Edward you have to snap out of this," Roy said worriedly, kneeling down by him. "I've never seen him react so badly..."

"I've never failed him so much before." Al's whisper nearly wasn't heard above Ed's sobbing.

"Roy please make him stop," Winry pleaded. "I can't bear to see him like this."

"He won't respond to me." Roy tried all of his tricks; lifting Ed's head and smacking him on the chest, lifting his arms and none of it was working. Cut off from the outside world so drastically, Ed had finally fallen prey to the illusions in his mind.

"He can't stay like this!"

"No, he can't. It's my fault he's like this, and it's my job to fix it, because he's my _brother!_" Al reached down, grabbed Ed's arms and yanked roughly, pulling Ed to his feet. He only stumbled and hit his knees with a pained gasp, trying to lash out in defense. Al countered by punching his arms until Ed started to block the attacks with slight familiarity marring his desperation, then moved onto his ribs and chest and head and arms again, repeating the pattern once Ed moved on. Yanking Ed to his feet again, he continued the assault in the set pattern, stopping once Ed had defiantly thrown a punch of his own in between blocking.

"This is hardly fair-fair because I can't-I can't see and my-my balance is shot," Ed gasped, sniffling through his heavy breathing as he slowly reigned in his grip on reality. He took a daring swipe forward with his white-knuckled fist, contacting with only air.

"Al, you did it," Winry gasped in amazement. "You snapped him out of it!"

Ed took a step forward, feeling for Al as his breathing calmed and his crying slowed. His searching hand was batted away by his eager brother, to which Ed replied with another missed punch, a quickening of footsteps, and several more failed punches.

"Hold-hold _still_, you little shit!" One more missed punch and Ed dove down to the floor, sweeping his leg out and catching Al off guard with it. Feeling his leg connect, Ed dove forward to pin Al, but his lack of senses slowed him and Al had him on his back in moments.

"Just for-for once can't you _let_ me beat you?" Ed whined pitifully. He latched onto the first solid thing he could as Al got off him, managing to use his little brother to get to his feet. Standing solidly as though he hadn't just suffered a breakdown, Ed grappled blindly for Al once more. "Al-hey Al?"

_Nod_.

"Are you-is it true? Were you r-really my...my _caretaker? _When this-this all started?"

"Yeah." Al took Ed's hands in his own, tugging lightly to draw the two together and meet their foreheads once more, Al's nodding causing Ed to mirror the action.

"You-you were there from the start. For me." Ed held their intertwined hands to his chest, smiling softly. "I didn't know...how to in-interpret everything, back then. I was s-still hurting from the loss-loss of my senses. But I-I'm okay now, Al. And I'm sorry if-if I caused you pain back then."

"How can you apologize," Al replied quietly, tapping their hands to his own chest. "When I'm the one who trapped you and you know-"

"Are-are you apologizing?"

"You always read me so well, brother." Al nodded, confirming Ed's estimation.

"Well don't. Because it-it was all a mis-misunderstanding. But I-I forgive you. Okay? Always, because I love-I love you, little brother."

"I love you too, Ed." He gave one final nod for Ed before pulling him close into a comforting bear hug.

"I wish I had a brother," Roy sighed wistfully. "They're so close."

"Inseparable," Winry added. "Even this can't tear them apart."

"Ed was even able to tell Alphonse was there next to him."

"Yeah," Winry murmured. "But if Ed couldn't tell before, how could he now?"

"He's become more relaxed and content with his condition, and with his mind at ease he's been able to pick up on people around him. Maybe that's why he was able to sense Alphonse so well."

"I wonder if he _is_ sensing chi," Al said curiously. He gently pulled away from Ed, turning him around and stepping away. "I've practiced meditation and focusing my energy while in Xing, and I may be able to become more… _visible_ to him."

"That still doesn't explain how he identified you specifically," Roy observed objectionably. As an alchemist, he still tried to seek the scientific truth behind the universe. "How do you explain that?"

"I was a soul attached to a suit of armor. For years, I was little more than an energy signature attached to a metal shell. He may have subconsciously become attuned to that signature. There were nights he would wake from a nightmare, almost fall out of bed, and then relax because he just _knew _I was there." Alphonse grinned sheepishly. "Or maybe it's just because we're brothers. I guess we'll never really know."

Ed crossed his arms boredly as he was left standing alone. He absentmindedly rubbed at an achy part of his arm where Alphonse had been hitting him earlier.

"Alphonse, what are you doing?"

Roy was momentarily ignored as Al breathed deeply and evenly. Eyes closed and hands clasped, he looked to be the picture of serenity.

"He's done this before," Winry explained. "He says he's centering himself and amplifying his chi. May says it comes easily to him because he was purely a soul for so many years."

"What benefit does this give him?"

"Usually, increased focus and a clearer mind. It also calms him down when he gets frustrated." Winry smiled. "He doesn't need it for that very often though."

"Ed could do with it," Roy muttered. His next words were cut off as Ed turned curiously, hand out as he tentatively walked toward Al. He was even more amazed when Al backed away, turned and kept going, Ed faltering only slightly before following dead-on. "How is he doing that?"

"Ed picks up on energy, right? Strong feelings? That's what Al is right now. He's amplified his energy. It's drawing Ed like a moth to a flame."

"Hey-hey Al, how are you-you doing that?" Ed snatched blindly for Al, missing him by a long shot. The sensing proved to have a delay as Al doubled back and walked past Ed, the older blonde only noticing moments later. "Wait but weren't-weren't you just-Al knock that off..."

Winry laughed at the antics between the two, walking forward to pull Ed into a hug. He froze as she did, eyes darting nervously around.

"Who-who are-you're not Al, who…?"

"You don't recognize your childhood friend? That's not fair, Ed." Winry kicked Ed's leg multiple times just before whacking him upside the head as though a wrench was in her-

"Winry?" Ed broke into a wide grin when she hugged him so tightly that his bones popped. "It's good to see-see you again. Did you come to check my-my automail?" He didn't wait for an answer once he was free, only grabbed her and pulled her toward the couch. He settled onto it and readily yanked his pants off, oblivious to the laughter of those around him and Roy's facepalm that Ed forgot he _didn't wear underwear_.

"_Roy!_ Where are his _underwear?!_" Winry squealed in outrage, appalled by the fact that her friend was living with a _gay man_ with no _underwear_ to protect him from advances.

"It's easier for him to use the bathroom without them!" Roy spluttered in protest. "It's harder for him to find the underwear with no sense of touch!"

Alphonse quickly threw the available blanket over Ed's exposed privates, shaking his head in familiar hopelessness. "He knows he doesn't wear underwear, doesn't he?"

"Unfortunately, he does. I'm not sure whether he did this on purpose or not," Roy muttered, shaking his head.

"Probably," Winry chuckled, slipping a concealed screwdriver from her pocket. "Al, grab my suitcase for me."

"Okay!"

Ed wiggled his leg just enough to feel that it was pinned in place, nodding in satisfaction as he assumed Winry was working on it.

"Just like old times," he said quietly, leaning back onto the armrest. "Winry working on my automail, Alphonse at my side…" His stutter had gone as his contented memories overpowered his care of coherence. "Just like old times."

Alphonse had returned just in time to hear Ed serenely speak once more.

"Only now, I have _him_."


	28. Chapter 28

Whups! Meant to reply in last chapter.  
_To Brenne_: Just his sixth sense. I've had moments before when I just do something or _stop_ before I walk into something. Could've used that tonight with the icy roads, but I think the car's okay...

* * *

I was halfway through automail servicing before I remembered that I don't wear underwear.

I _stripped_ in front of my best friend and my _brother_ like a whore.

I must have looked like a complete, clueless _jackass_.

A _bare-ass _jackass.

I won't know if my face went red. I willed myself to keep my mouth _shut_ so nothing would slip out and reveal that I _knew_ I had done it.

"Are you almost fin-finished?" I finally manage, assured that someone had covered my _privates_ due to the obscene warmth in my body. My guess would be a blanket, and they had chosen to cover my stomach too. I feel all too warm, but I wasn't about to take this blanket off _this_ time.

_No_.

"Haven't we been-been taking _care_ of it? It never takes-" I jolt in pain as she screws with a wire, possibly yanking it on accident. The sudden sharp pain flared straight up through my leg and finally settled in my back, leaving me panting heavily more from the _shock_ of it than the pain itself. I roll my head back and let it hang over the arm of the couch, my throat vibrating as I moan. "Warn-warn me f-first, dammit…"

Nobody responds to my pained plea. I wiggle my leg again to discover Winry still has it held in place, so I relax and try to imagine the scene.

I'm lounging on a… black couch, sporting a plain white button-up and _no_ pants, just a grey blanket covering me from my chest to my knees. Winry is on the other end, wearing her same old tube top, baggy khakis, and bandana to keep the loose strands from her face. She's hard at work unscrewing the top plate of my automail to access the wiring and shaft inside, her face twisted in concentration as she complains about how I'm always abusing her craftsmanship and just using it as a replaceable _tool_. I can hear her words as she whines and pauses to look at me, asking me why I'm so quiet. All I have to do is flash one of my wistful smiles and she leans back, watching me carefully.

_I know you're hiding something, Ed!_

_I'm not, Win. Honest. I've just missed you._

_Well if you would visit me more often!_

She can't help but smile anyway, despite her annoyance. I latch onto that sunny grin that always lit up my childhood, but the illusion is shattered as her still hands disconnect with the reality of the sudden pain in my thigh.

The entire image quivers before disappearing, leaving my world a silent, lonely white. I lean my head against the back of the couch, curling my arms to my chest as I release a shaky sigh and know, just _know_, that I'm crying again.

I feel Alphonse near me as he shakes my shoulder. I say something to comfort him, I guess it's a word, but I don't really formulate it in my mind before I feel the vibration of speech. He shakes me again, so I tell him the goddamn _truth_.

"I just miss seeing you guys."

Despite his hug, I still feel a bit nauseated and I have to change the mood. I start talking about yesterday and my visit to the back doctor, sparing no detail about how good it all felt and that the spinal shifting was one of the few things I could feel without a lot of deep pressure. I told them about what it felt _like_ and tried to compare it with that numb feeling you sometimes get when you're half-awake, and then recommended they go see the back doctor too just because it was the only good time I ever had at _any_ doctor.

I don't think they ever heard me talk so much at one time before, but I could feel less negativity from my brother so I regaled them with the restaurant tale.

From the hot tea almost burning my throat and even making a joke about how I wouldn't have tasted anything after that even if I _did_ have a sense of taste, all the way to the people staring at me the whole time. I was happy to tell them that I could sense the people just before they disappeared, and that I could tell where the restaurant exit was due to that.

I told them about the silly little debate about the fork and the spoon and how it took stabbing me in the leg to differentiate the two. I only hope they heard me explain that I didn't actually get _stabbed_ because I would have felt that under the skin.

_Oops_, hope I didn't get him into trouble!

I quickly change the subject with the whole stairway adventure.

"And you know he stopped me before I got to the bathroom and he made me _piss_ myself?! Winry do me a favor and tell him off for me! And make sure he knows to stay out of my _way_ when I'm moving so damn fast!"

She yanks my leg suddenly, sending me sliding down the couch a bit. I couldn't know why, but I feel this ridiculous surge of happiness all around me.

"Are you laughing at me?!"

_Nod_.

Who answered me?!

"It's _his_ fault _not_ mine! He was gone when I woke up and I had to _go!_"

More positively _tangible_ joy.

"You guys all _suck_ this is totally unfair!" I cross my arms indignantly, hoping I look irritated as hell. "Well if you're gonna be like that then I'm not saying another _word!_"

Just as promised, I settle into a mellow silence. A wiggle of my leg revealed that Winry had gone, but hadn't she just been working on it? Unless she yanked my leg to tell me she was done.

Hell, I had to break my _vow_ to ask.

"Hey gearhead, you-you done?"

_No_.

"Then why-why did you let go?! Hurry up already." I relax and allow myself to slip into peaceful pondering, reflecting on my unpleasant breakdown from earlier.

Alphonse had been my caretaker. He was _her_, the one who cared for me but whom I never truly felt care from.

He was my little _brother_, but still I never-

I _shunned_ him.

He put his life, his _future_ on hold for me, and I treated him like an indifferent _nurse_.

I'd seen his body in the gate; so frail and weak, so malnourished. There was no way he was able to help at the very beginning. Is that why it was so bad at first? Because it truly wasn't _Al?_

No, he had made it clear today. He'd taken my leg and stopped me from killing myself.

As bad as it had been for me, what must it have been for _him?_ To prevent your own brother from suicide because you pushed him over the edge? And he didn't even know it was you, he wouldn't _believe_ it was you, he had such unshakeable faith in you.

I was so _depressed_ and devoid of hope that I'd caused us both unnecessary suffering. I didn't try to reach out, I didn't even make an effort to live. Curling into my own fresh hell, I ignored the outside world that I had at first thought I was irreparably severed from.

It took… _him_, to free me from the prison I had made for myself. _Him_ to convince me that communication was possible.

It still hurt that Alphonse didn't do what _he_ did. _He_ taught me yes and no, how to navigate and how to _feed_ myself.

Who am I kidding?

Al wasn't alone in my alienation from reality. I had cringed from his offered guidance immediately, too disoriented from imagined attacks to try to interact.

Truth had taken my senses, but I had finished the job and ignored what little I had left.

I don't know what _he_ did differently from Al. Maybe it was my hopeless outlook on life that had settled me enough to not _care_ what happened next, and that's when he came.

It doesn't matter now. I love him and I love Al, and I've forgiven my brother for what happened.

I think, too, that I've forgiven myself.

And then I go and _strip_ in front of everyone.

I giggle stupidly at the thought, not caring what they think of the sudden action. I sense Al faintly, though he's in the kitchen.

I did set my mind on learning the layout for this whole house. I know where every room is now, even upstairs. Unless...

"Does this house have a basement?" I wonder aloud, only realizing I'd spoken due to the vibration in my throat.

My center of gravity shifts ever so slightly as the surface below me moves. I feel an almost painful weight on my right knee followed by a strange feeling of claustrophobia before my head is nodded.

But why-

The pressure on my knee disappears just as something large suddenly collides with my body, leaving a _weight_ on top of me. It's restricting my breathing and my movement, and I freeze in nervous uncertainty.

"Wh-what-"

The weight lifts off me as quickly as it had appeared, leaving me uselessly looking around for a source. "What was that?!"

My hands are lifted to tap against something. Once released, I explore further-only to find a head, shoulders, and chest.

"W-Winry?"

_Nod_.

And I had just felt Winry's-

Chest.

_Boobs_.

I tear my hands away, so flustered that I actually fall off the couch and hit the floor. My breathing is frantic as I try to apologize and explain that I didn't _know_ and what, did she fall on top of me?!

_Yes_.

Great, so I felt her boobs _twice!_ She's my best _friend!_

"Did-did I-did I touch your um-" I couldn't bring myself to say the word, so I tap my chest.

_No_.

"Are-are you sure?"

_Yes_.

"Okay then I-"

_Pants!_

I fell off the couch and I'm not wearing any _pants!_

Starting first thing in the morning, this day has been _so_ embarrassing.

"Pants!" I gasp, pulling my knees to my chest. "I-I need my-my pants!"

I feel my head grow warm, and I know I must be beet-red if I'm blushing enough to _feel_ it.

My arms are lifted and a faint weight placed in them. I try to figured out what it is, realizing minutes layer that it's my pants. But I can't-what if I put them on backwards?

Never mind that, I can't even find the _waistline_.

I must look like a complete fool to Winry. I can't even dress myself.

"I-I can't, um...find-find the... Winry I'm sorry, can you-can you help me get them on?"

Without hesitation the pants are taken from me and slid onto my legs, their weight shifting as she lifts them just enough to shimmy the fabric up to my knees. I know she stopped there because she places my hands on the waistline for me to finish the job.

"Thank you," I murmur in gratitude, squeezing until my hands hurt. I manage to get them on the rest of the way, standing when finished. "I um...I don't normally..." Why would I feel shameful for admitting it? Hell, I don't need catheters or sponge baths anymore! "...Dress myself."

She hugs me, so I keep talking.

"I just hope he picks-picks out cool clothes. Does he dress me-dress me nice?"

_Nod_.

"You're not just-not just being nice, are you?"

_No_.

"I'm glad you both came to visit." I receive a hug for that, though she surprises me just afterward by leading me to the kitchen. We stop and stand there as they, I assume, discuss something.

Just as I'm about to speak up, I'm led to the front door. Only, it's not Winry. I know it's Alphonse who has my hands.

"Al?"

_Yes_.

"Are-are you leaving?"

With my hands still in his, he taps first my chest and then his own.

"Both of us?"

_Yes_.

"But..." I shift my weight uneasily. "Is _he_ coming?"

_No._

"He-" I inhale shakily. "Are we coming back?"

_Yes._

"So we're...not leaving because he doesn't want me any-anymore."

_No._

"I'm sorry," I moan pathetically. "I just-I'm a lot of trouble and ob-obstinate and he does so much for me and-"

A set of arms wrap around me from behind, pulling me into _his_ embrace. He turns me enough to draw me into a kiss, stealing my breath and my heart.

As he pulls away and I slowly regain the ability to breathe, he taps my hand against his chest.

I don't understand. I know it's you, only _you_ kiss me.

He repeats the motion, hitting himself harder.

"Um...chest? Does your chest hurt?"

_No._

"It will if you hit-hit it much harder," I joke as I try to figure out what he's on about.

Him. He's referring to himself. Does he think _he's_ a lot of trouble?

_No_.

Oops, I voiced that. Well, at least I know the answer. I relax as he pulls me into his arms again, calming my irrational fears.

"You don't want to come with us?" I ask pleadingly, tilting my head back to gaze upward with my hopeful golden eyes.

_No_.

_Not this time_, I picture him saying. Just me and Al right now, because we're brothers, and we need this, right? We need to bond again, to forgive and show that we're only stronger together for what had transpired.

He dresses me in my coat.

Alphonse takes my hand in his.

We leave the house, and maybe I'm imagining it, but I can sense _him_ watching us from the doorway.

Don't worry. I have Al. He'll keep me safe.

I'll be home before you know it.


	29. Chapter 29

_To justaislinn_: I try to include or recap anything important (or noteworthy) that Ed misses out on in future chapters or a different POV. But for Ed, unless he can guess it, he really doesn't know what all goes on, and so to view it from his point is just as hindering to the reader as it is to him. Totally intentional for sympathy with our favorite alchemist!  
To _GreedxEd &amp; Guest_: Yeah. One of the first things Ed couldn't pick up on was one of the more important ones… that Roy loves him.

For that confusing moment with Winry last chapter, just after Ed told his company about the morning bathroom incident, Winry laughed so hard that she fell off the couch backwards and on the way yanked on Ed's leg because she still had it in her lap.  
He _knew_ they were laughing. Just not how hard!  
And when Al and Roy were in the kitchen, Winry leaned over Ed to nod his head...but she fell on him. Haha

Thanks everyone for the reviews, and for reading all of this stuff up here before we even get to the chapter!

* * *

Alphonse had traveled around Central for years with his brother, so finding the address wasn't too difficult. It was miles away from Roy's home and Al was both surprised and proud to find that Ed had no problem traversing the distance, a far cry from when he had been living in Risembool.

"Geez Al are-are we walking the whole-the whole city?"

"It seems that way, doesn't it?" Al curiously watched Ed stop as he did, waiting patiently for them to move again. As they waited, Ed's lids closed slightly and revealed his shift of attention from external to internal. He returned to awareness immediately as Al gave a light tug on his arm, prompting him forward.

"Are we almost..._wherever_ we're going?"

"Yes, Ed."

"Okay, good."

Al stopped short, Ed halting when his wrist was kept secure and immobile in Al's stilled grasp.

"Ed, I didn't nod your head. How did you know what I said?" He awaited an answer from Ed as though it was possible to receive one, but all he got was a long pause followed by a loud yawn from his brother. "Ed?"

Al reached forward to check Ed's eyes and then his ears. Ed made no indication of registering these inspections with the exception of the tilting of his head as Al moved it.

"What are you doing, Al? Fix-fixing my hair?"

"...Yeah." Al nodded Ed's head with a sad smile, beginning their walk again. "I have to wonder if you answered me using that same _knowing_ like all those years ago when we were traveling together."

"Well tell me, Al! Do I look-" he paused to snicker. "_Pretty?_"

"You're incorrigible." Keeping Ed securely upright, Al pretended to give him a shove, laughing when Ed _squealed_.

"Al don't _do_ that my _balance!_" Overcorrecting against the perceived loss of balance, he stumbled into Al, causing them both to go sideways into a wall-but they both just laughed anyway.

"You're always causing trouble, brother." Al righted them both and led Ed toward Linear Way, the street where Ed's chiropractor resided.

"Hey Al are we almost _there?_" Ed whined yet again, though his timing was perfect as they had just arrived. "I have-I have to _go_."

"Didn't you go before we left? I wonder if Roy has this problem with you." Al sighed as he led Ed inside, finding the bathroom quickly and gently pushing Ed in.

"Al, hey, is-is it clean?"

"What? Yeah, why? You-"

"Al? Come on, I-I um… I don't…" His face reddened as he explained. "I can't... _aim_... I have to sit-to sit to go."

"Oh! Sorry, I didn't think..." Al cleaned the seat off for Ed, yanking his pants down and seating him slowly onto the toilet. "There, now-"

"Thanks Al," Ed muttered as his tried to hide his embarrassment. "But I-I can sit and go on my-on my own."

"Oops. I'm sorry Ed, you've learned so much since you've been with Roy... But I'm proud of you, you know?" His words fell on deaf ears as Edward blissfully went about his business. "I think you know."

"_And done_," Ed whispered, standing and pulling his pants back up with just a bit of practiced fumbling. He reached back and hit the tank a few times, managing to miss the lever for every attempt. "Okay, done. Thanks Al!"

"No problem. Let's go see Dr. Reed, okay? She can crack your back just the way you like."

Al led his brother into the waiting room, delighted when they were called just after signing in. They followed the doctor through the hallway, not surprised by the expression of concentration on Ed's face as he fought against the stress of so many twists and turns.

"You don't have a room closer to the entrance for Edward?" Al smiled apologetically. "He's more used to an open floor plan, and all of these tight corners..."

"Oh heavens, I didn't even think of that. I'll be sure to reserve the closest room to the front for him. It's just that my partner in the practice uses the front room for massages, but I don't see why she can't lend that room for one patient, hm?"

"Oh! Well, we-we don't want to be trouble," Al insisted. "He _has_ learned to work around a lot, really, this little hallway trip shouldn't be too bad…"

"Nonsense, I'll just boot Julia out if I have to," Dr. Reed giggled. "Wouldn't be the first time!"

"Well, thank you." Al smiled, leading Ed to the table and assisting the doctor in laying him facedown on it. "I'm sorry, I haven't introduced myself. I'm Edward's brother, Alphonse."

"I see the resemblance," she replied cheerfully. "Your brother really is a good sport about all of this."

"Yeah, he's gotten a lot better at dealing with it." Al beamed proudly. "When he first lost his senses, he had a really hard time coping with the lack of communication." His smile faltered when Dr. Reed stared at him in shock.

"When he _lost_ his senses? I thought he was born this way."

"Is that what Roy told you?"

"No, I… I'm sorry, I assumed. May I ask...how he lost them?" She ran her fingers soothingly along her horizontal patient's spine, earning a contented moan from the blond.

"It was an alchemy accident, actually. On the day of the governmental coup."

"The day Fuhrer Bradley died?"

"Yeah. He sacrificed all five of his senses in an attempt to save everyone at the military headquarters." Al smiled sadly, weaving a tale to make his brother proud. "His outcome wasn't his original intention, but… he did save us all."

Dr. Reed stared at the two in amazement, pausing her soothing fingers to gaze down at Ed. "...I always thought the name and face were familiar. He's the Fullmetal Alchemist, isn't he?"

"Mhm. He doesn't use alchemy anymore though, because he can't see the product, and well…"

"I understand. I'm sorry to hear about his loss." She ran her hand gently up Ed's spine, stopping at his neck with just enough pressure for him to feel it. As he relaxed under her touch, she applied sudden pressure to the spot, a satisfyingly audible _crack_ sounding in the small room. "He seems to enjoy his chiropractic care," she noted with a smile.

"Quite a bit," Al observed humorously. Ed looked positively in _heaven_.

"His treatment is mainly for his back, but he's always asking for more, so I work his entire spine for him."

"It doesn't affect the injured area?"

"Oh, I'd hardly call it an injury. A simple misalignment and some inflamed and _stubborn_ muscle. But with these daily visits, the muscles should relax in no time. Why, after this visit I'll really only see him once a week!"

"Judging from the noises Ed is making," Al said, noticing how inappropriately _suggestive_ some sounded, "I think he'd be sad to learn that his visits won't continue to be daily."

"He's healing remarkably fast. Ah, to be 20 again." She sat Ed up slowly, having finished working on him.

"How can you say that? You're still so-"

"I got it," Ed interrupted. "You're a doctor of the spine-the spine, right? So I'll name you something that-that rhymes! Doctor Stein!"

Ed was met with no approval or denial of the suggestion, as his company was simply too stunned in disbelief and _humor_ to react.

"You know...Stein. Like Doctor Frank-Frankenstein. Um...if that's okay with the doctor. I can't-I can't really learn-learn your name, sorry..."

Having seen how Roy answered Ed, Dr. Reed nodded his head by the ponytail.

"I can accept that name as long as it comes with that grin," she laughed.

"I'm sorry," Al whined apologetically. "He always liked that Frankenstein story as a kid."

"I don't mind, really! I've never been named like that before, and I don't count Doctor or Doc because those are titles. I'm honored!"

"Hey Doc-Doctor Stein, will I see you tomorrow?"

_No_.

"Aww. Am I getting better too-too fast?" Ed slipped off the table as Al pulled him forward. "Will I see you again some-sometime?"

_Yes_.

"Oh good." Ed laughed nervously. "He-he can rub my back really well but he can't-can't _crack_ it like you can."

"Come on brother," Al chuckled. "Dr. _Stein_ has other patients, you'll see her next week."

Ed cheerfully followed Al out, minding the winding hallway less than he had earlier. He seemed genuinely happy despite his condition, causing Al to smile from the infectious joy.

"You sure are happy, brother. Do you want to test your limits today?" He naturally received no answer as they walked toward the park. "First we need to improve your balance."

"Are we going home now?"

_No_.

"Oh." Ed comically pouted, his free hand slipping uncannily accurately into his pocket. "Well why-why not?"

"You need to get more fresh air. Roy told me that he hasn't had a chance to introduce you to the backyard yet."

"Hey-hey Al can we try-um, try something new?"

"Maybe..." Al curiously stopped with Ed, cautious of his request.

"Do that en-energy thing from earlier. I'll follow you un-unaided."

"I don't know..." Al frowned, pulling Ed against the wall of the building near them. "I guess we can give it a shot."

Ed leaned against the wall patiently as Al focused his energy, eyes widening once he could pick up on his little brother.

"Heeeey Aaaaal," Ed said creepily, grinning like a fiend. "I can _seeeeeee_ youuuuu."

"Why do I encourage you," Al replied with a groan. He began walking slowly toward the park, not allowing much room to form between Ed and himself. Keeping his energy levels high, he was surprised to see Ed was keeping up rather easily.

"Hey this-this is awesome!" Ed exclaimed, walking freely in public for the first time. "You have to teach-teach _him_ how to do this!"

"I can try," Al laughed. "Come on, we're at the park! Let's try some sparring." Al jogged away from the sidewalk, careful to choose a path free of obstacles.

"Al hey-" Ed sped up his pace, but as he broke into a jog he stumbled and hit the grass. "_Dammit!_"

"Ed," Al sighed, but he waited for Ed to recover himself. "Stand up Ed; you didn't hurt yourself."

Ed slowly stood, battling mentally with himself again. He had finally finished struggling with his emotions when he was rewarded with a shove that knocked him off his feet again.

"Ah! Hey, wh-what?!" He put his arm up to shield himself, eyes snapping around haphazardly.

"Use your mind, Ed. Find me. Focus! Know what's coming next."

Ed felt a few light punches to his arms and then his entire body being upchucked. He rolled over on the grass, finding his balance and leaping to his feet as he huffed nervously.

"A-Al? Is-is that you?!"

"Focus and you'll know it is!"

Al repeated his random assault, knocking Ed on his ass once more. He grinned as Ed kicked and caught his arm before rolling back and leaping to his feet, closing his eyes as he slipped into his fighting stance.

"Good. Can you anticipate me?" Al bolted forward, throwing out a punch. Ed hesitated and suffered a blow to the chest for it, but the second hit was blocked instantly. He silently obeyed the sixth sense and presence of chi, backing away from and blocking half of the attacks thrown at him. At one point he leapt back from Al's swipe before leaping forward, catching him right in the stomach.

"I-I got you Al didn't I?" Ed huffed victoriously, stumbling backward to carelessly fall on his ass.

"You did," Al replied, dumbstruck but _proud_. "I wasn't even going easy on you! Maybe there's something untapped with your sixth sense," he added thoughtfully. "It might even serve you better than your eyes if you hone it."

"Al? I-I did hit _you_, right?"

"Yes, brother." Al nodded Ed's head before pulling him into a hug. "You did great. Now let's head back, I'm sure Mustang is-"

"Can we go-go home now?" Ed grinned sheepishly. "This is-is fun but I'm tired. And hungry."

"Of course, Ed." Al wrapped his arm around Ed's shoulder, satisfied that he'd done the right thing to let Ed stay with Mustang.

Even if Ed still didn't know the man he shared his heart with.


	30. Chapter 30

I'm tired and my back aches. My knee hurts from the recent abuse of the sparring I haven't done in so long.

But I can _match_ my little brother.

I'm blind and deaf, so it wasn't easy to anticipate his attacks. I couldn't see or listen for the next move, and his pattern was too random to pick out the next in a sequence. I mostly just relied on that sixth sense that's been curiously guiding me in the right direction lately, and it helped me immensely.

It's an odd thing to follow. I think I used to draw on it a bit back when I still had my senses, but never to this degree. I had never put my trust so easily in something that wasn't visible or tangible. It's not even a _feeling_, it's just a reaction. I just allow myself to subconsciously block or swipe or react and it's _right_ and it still surprises me, but it's a thrill to know that this exists and can help me so greatly.

I'm following his energy again, though I think this is tiring both of us more quickly. The strength of his energy is flaring haphazardly and I'm starting to get a headache from focusing on the wavering signature. I'm not sure how much farther we are from home, but I call out and call it quits.

"Hand," I request, holding mine out. "Lead-lead me, Al. My head is starting to hurt."

He obliges me happily, the vibrant energy slowly dying down to become barely an ember of fire in my cold world of white.

Actually, I _am_ growing colder. Am I cooling too quickly after our workout?

Oh, wait! He _did_ say we're in autumn, didn't he? I wonder if we're getting closer to winter or if the season just started. Either way, I'm getting cold internally and antsy to get where it's warm. Preferably in his arms, and I don't care if Winry or Al see us snuggling.

A tug on my arm takes us on a left turn. After another short distance, we stop and enter through a doorway; I know because Al put my hand on the door. I wonder if he wanted to test me? Well dammit Al I'm not dumb! I give it a powerful shove, closing it easily.

"Am I home?"

_Yes_.

"Kitchen!" I proclaim, bolting off on my memorized path and stopping just short of the fridge. I grab the side and yank it open, but there's a pressure around my ribs as I'm pulled away from it.

"Hey! Hey, I-I'm hungry!"

_Nod_.

"Al?"

_No_.

"Winry?"

_No_.

My head tilts backwards as he draws me into a kiss, stealing my breath away once more. My arms slip around him as my hunger goes momentarily forgotten, attention lingering on _him_.

"I missed you too," I exhale dreamily as soon as the pressure is gone. He tries to pull away, and maybe I'm being childish, but I don't _want_ to let go just yet. "Can't-can't we just stay here?"

_No_.

He presses on my stomach, reminding me of the gnawing hunger that had been bothering me since Al and I left our sparring grounds.

"Oh! Food. O-okay." I turn back to the fridge but my attempt is foiled again as he leads me instead to the table and sits me in a chair. My arm rises to my mouth, the accompanied painful squeeze telling me that I have a utensil. "Spoon?"

_Yes_.

I test the first scoop, swallowing to find a warm liquid running down my throat. I squeak in delight; I'll be warm in no time!

"Mm, warm!"

I go at the warm liquid with gusto-I imagine it's a soup-and feel myself warm in no time. I'd be tempted to pick up the bowl and drink it, but I know I'd only make a horrendous mess.

"Are Al-Al and Winry eating with us?"

_Yes_.

"You guys aren't laughing-aren't laughing, are you? I know I'm a little-little clumsy."

_No_.

Just like earlier on the walk, I feel an emotion that has no words, but I know what it means.

_We're proud of you_.

If they had _spoken_ it, I might question them. But you can't lie with feelings, and I know they mean it.

Everything I could do before the accident is either out of my limits or needs to be retaught. Never without some assistance.

But I am doing pretty good, right?

Hell, I beat Al in sparring tonight! I had _never_ been able to do that.

I would've been happy even if I hadn't. Because Al cares, you know? He really cares, to even try doing that with me, despite my limitations.

So does _he_. I don't know if I would have made it this far with Al. Never this quickly. Al wouldn't have pushed me so hard, but it's what I needed.

I may still be dependent on him for survival, but I'm stronger now.

I feel there's nothing I can't do.


	31. Chapter 31

Ed had always complained about his morning grooming. He didn't mind his bath, but he insisted that standing still for Roy to shave him was pointless. After all, Ed couldn't _see_ the facial hair or feel it so what did it matter to keep it so short?

"Ev-every other _day!_ If this so so important-_important_ to you, why can't it just be once a-a week?"

"Because you look better without a beard," Roy chuckled, carefully pulling the razor across Ed's tanned skin. Roy admittedly _had_ let Ed grow a small beard during their first few weeks of exploration and learning, but he preferred Ed to be well-groomed. Their first shaving session was tricky, as Roy had to somehow convince Ed to stay still, and despite the efforts, Ed's impatience had earned him a small cut on the chin-which he luckily hadn't felt, but Roy still had felt horrible about it.

"Roy?" Alphonse poked his head into the bathroom sleepily, catching the two at their antics; Roy nudging Ed to keep him still while he constantly tried to wriggle away boredly and go get _food_. "You're shaving him?"

"Of course. You kept him shaved too, or else he'd have had a beard when I came to visit." Roy pushed Ed's _helpful_ hand away gently. "How did you ever keep him still?"

"Well, he… he didn't move around that much," Al admitted quietly. "So he never knew when we did it."

"...Right." Roy held the razor out as he offered it to Al. "Care to work on him while here's aware and ornery?"

Al laughed nervously as he accepted, stepping in front of Ed. "I'd be honored."

"Why-why won't you let me _try_ it? I can-I can _eat_ on my own why can't I-I _shave?_"

"You'll only cut yourself, brother." Al gently moved Ed's head to better access under the chin, earning an annoyed sigh.

"Come _on_ Alphonse just a few min-" Ed cut himself off with a gasp of surprise, eyes widening as he seemed to realize that he _knew_ the people in front of him had swapped roles. "Alphonse?!"

"How did you even pick _up_ on that, Ed? I'm barely awake, it couldn't have been my energy!"

"That sixth sense of his is really intriguing," Roy murmured. "I always shrugged off anything that sounded supernatural, but I may need to read into occult practices…"

"Who knows?" Al replied curiously. "Just like alchemy, it may just be a science that we don't fully understand yet. We can't see the energy of chi, but we can sure sense and use it."

"You're right." Roy crossed his arms indignantly as Ed held perfectly still for his little brother's careful hands. "He's a lot more compliant for you than for me."

"Who knows? Maybe he picks up on your personality and subconsciously picks at you because that's how you two used to interact."

"That _would_ explain a lot," Roy sighed. "I suppose I shouldn't complain. He never lets me grow bored."

"Just imagine what trouble he'd be if he knew who you were!" Al coughed nervously as he handed the razor back to his dispirited friend. "Finished."

"Yeah," Roy murmured sadly. "Thank you, Alphonse."

"Of course, Roy."

"Is-is it bathtime now?" Ed suddenly spoke, reaching out blindly for guidance.

_Nod_.

"You two have a routine down, don't you?"

"He likes routine, I've found. It makes him feel more in control." Roy turned the water on in the tub, plugging it tight. "And don't let him tell you any differently, he loves bathtime. He likes to pretend he's swimming."

Alphonse laughed, turning to leave as Ed began stripping. "Don't let him drown, Roy."

"Don't worry, Al. I don't let him out of the shallow water. He's not tall enough for the deep end."

Ed froze, face reddening before he burst out in anger, his voice carrying and waking Winry from the upstairs guest room.

"_DID YOU JUST CALL ME SHORT?!_"

* * *

Alphonse and Winry had kept Ed company while Roy went to work at HQ. Though Ed had initially been a good sport while accompanying Al for Winry's shopping trip, he managed to pick up on her cheerful vibes and successfully guess at what she was doing.

"_Shopping?_ We're-we're taking the gearhead _shopping?_" Ed grumbled in mock annoyance, though his brother caught the hint of a smile.

"Yes, brother. Don't worry, we're going to do _guy_ stuff later. Just indulge her for now, okay?"

"Well if-if we're stuck carrying her crap-her _crap_, then buy-buy her something nice from _me_."

"Oh Ed, you're so _sweet!_" Winry squealed, tackling him in a hug that nearly knocked him over.

"Oh _hell _who-who is that?! Winry, is that you?!"

_Yes_.

"Oh just go and pick something out will ya?!" Just before she could huff and run off, he grabbed her and pulled her into a firm hug. "And make-make sure that you think of me when you use-use it."

"Of course, Ed. Thank you."

_Nod_.

"I love you, Winry."

"Oh Ed, you know I love you t-"

"I-I mean that-like a f-friend! Like a _sister!_" Ed's face had gone beet-red from adorable nervousness. "Because I-I love-I love _him!_"

"Ed calm down, I understand," Winry laughed as she patted his back reassuringly. She frowned as his breath hitched, the pain on his face revealing his mental struggle. "Ed?"

"I-I-" He gasped again, calming when Winry squeezed his shoulder. "I don't-do-do you think I'm crazy?"

"_Crazy?_ Ed, why would you _ask_ that?"

_No_.

"It's just that-I love him but I-I don't even know who he _is_ and-" He clutched at Winry's arm as he struggled to calm himself. "I know it's not nor-normal but even-even with how-how _limited_ I am is-is it even _a-acceptable?_"

Ed finally calmed when he was pulled into a hug by his brother, the familiarity of Al's energy cutting through Ed's stress once he relaxed enough.

"Are-are you o-okay with it?"

_Yes_.

"Even though I-I don't even _know_ him?"

_Yes_.

"You don't find it just a-a _little_ weird?"

_No_.

"People fall in love for a lot less, Edward. It's fine, really."

"You're-you're sure?" Ed hissed and grabbed his head as Winry smacked a wrench across it, finalizing their opinion. "That _hurt_ Winry, that's just _mean_…"

"I thought he couldn't feel pain!"

"Somatic, Winry." Al sighed. "A wrench against the skull isn't painless to the bone. Unless it was his brain…"

"You're gonna give me a con-concuss-_brain damage_ I swear!" Ed growled indignantly. "Oh hell, I don't th-think those words came out right…"

"You spoke fine, Ed." Al grabbed Ed around the middle, tugging him along and nudging Winry to continue shopping.

"Hey-hey! Al what are you-are we shopping again?"

_Yes_.

"Aw maaaaan. Do we have to?"

_Yes_.

"Is she buying anything girly this time?"

_Nope_.

"What a _gearhead_."

* * *

Al and Winry had stayed in our home for one more day after the shopping trip. I knew they had to leave sometime, and honestly, I missed my alone time with _him_; but I really wanted them to stay.

They left me that Tuesday evening, even before _he_ got home from work.

They led me to the door and each gave me a snug and comforting embrace, as though I knew what was going on.

I think that maybe I did.

I asked if they were coming back soon. No? Maybe I'm a bit neurotic, but I asked if they were _ever_ coming back. A quick yes and more hugs.

I wonder if my father is the fault for my abandonment issues.

They were leaving me alone. He wasn't home to console me when they left, though I had been alone plenty of times and I could handle it.

I'm a big boy.

But that moment that they were gone-

And I really _knew_ because I could no longer feel Alphonse-

I broke.

I was so glad for them to visit me, for the time we spent together.

But they were gone, back home and back to their normal lives again.

They couldn't stay with the invalid in his silly childish dream-world.

_They_ had normal lives that they could go back to, one I would never again have.

_He_ was off at his job like any normal human being, just like Al and Winry.

I was the only one who couldn't just get up, read the paper while I had my coffee, and go about the day all normal and self-sufficient.

I haven't felt so lonely in a long time.

My heart ached.

* * *

Roy arrived home to find the house quiet compared to its two visitors that had just stayed there. He figured Ed would miss his friends, but Roy was glad to have the blond all to himself again to smother him with kisses and snuggles.

"Oh Edwaaard," Roy called cheerfully, trotting through the home. He found Ed at the kitchen table, legs crossed on the chair and head on the table as his hand tapped out an irregular rhythmic pattern.

"Hey, no moping. They'll be back to visit, and you have me while they're gone."

Ed continued the tapping, alternating light thumps with heavy ones, barely a pause between series. He finally stopped long enough to release a weary sigh before beginning again, just as Roy rounded to see the mopey reminiscence on his face, blind eyes glazed and lost in memory.

"Is that a song from your childhood?" Roy sat next to Ed, leaving him to his peaceful memories as he relaxed with a bowl of hot soup.

_Thump-tap-tap-tap, tap-thump-tap-tap, tap-tap-thump, tap, thump-tap-tap-tap, tap-tap, tap-thump-tap, thump-tap-tap_…

The tune sounded unfamiliar to Roy as he tried to match it to music he knew, so he simply ate his soup in peace.

It was only minutes later when he subconsciously picked out a few more common letters in the Amestrian language from the tapping that sounded uncannily like the military's often-used Dorset code. He stared at Ed wide-eyed as he decoded the message Ed had been tapping onto the table.

_...the song in spring, sailing on blue wing, happiness to all it will bring..._  
_...and when the bluebird flies free, he will sing for all to hear; it will clear your soul and free you of fear._  
_Never worry, Edward my dear… when the bluebird flies free, your mother will always be near._

Roy hesitantly reached forward, stilling Edward's tapping hand. He began tapping a message to the most receptive spot on Ed; his chest.

_That was beautiful. Who taught you that?_

Ed's head had lifted when Roy began, eyes growing so wide that Roy was afraid they'd bug out of his head. He gasped in appropriate response to the first _real_ words that he'd received in over a year, the first words he hadn't formulated in his own mind.

"You-you know-you know _Dorset_ code?!" Ed gasped, nearly forgetting to _breathe_ from his shock.

_Nod_.

"Why didn't you-ever t-_try_ it before?!"

_Didn't know you knew it._

"Are you s-stupid?! I was in the-in the military!" Ed cried, reaching out for Roy. "I was re-required to learn-to _learn_ it!"

Roy put a hand to his face as he recalled that _crucial _detail. How could he have thought that Edward wouldn't be required to learn it, as he was only recruited for his alchemy?

_Sorry_.

"We can-can finally com-_communicate_," Ed gasped, grappling for Roy's hand. "I need-I need to-" his breath hitched as he clutched Roy's wrist, holding onto it for dear life. There was immeasurable _desperation_ in Ed's eyes as they stared right into Roy's.

"I need to _know_ who you _are!_"


	32. Chapter 32

_To justaislinn_: Sorry, but _alchemyfreak42_ guessed Morse code back at chapter 20, but kudos for figuring it out as well! :D

Woooo creativity drive! I'm glad to pop these chapters out to you guys, though the next one or two may take a little longer, my work schedule has shifted back to 12-hour days. Oh well.  
Thanks for all the awesome reviews guys, I appreciate _every one_, really I love them. ❤

* * *

Dorset code. _Dorset code_.

He knew-all of this _time_ he knew Dorset code-

And he never _tried_ to _use_ it?!

He knows alchemy just like I do! Surely he _knows_ who I _was_ and that everyone in the military is required to-

I just don't _believe _he never tried it before!

Al, hell, I understood, he never _learned_ it, and I-I didn't think to even _try_ communicating with him using it, but… _him_…

What an _idiot!_

"Please," I gasp, having received no _answer_ to my plea of his identity. "It's all I want-tell me who you _are!_"

He taps on my chest again, my breath held as I focus on every sequence of _dots_ and _dashes_ as though missing one would shatter my soul.

_Don't get angry_.

"What-" I yank on his arm roughly, already feeling the same emotion he had just warned me against. "_Angry?!_ I'll get more-_more_ than _angry_ if you-if you don't _tell_ me who y-you _are!_"

_Roy_.

"Roy? Your-your name is Roy?"

_Nod_.

I tug eagerly on his arm, my breathing terribly erratic as I gasp out an odd chuckle of excitement. "And-and your last-_last_ name?"

_Mustang_.

I nearly pull away before he can finish, but suspense keeps me in place to hear the full name.

Roy Mustang? That can't be a _common_ name, can it?

I feel my breathing quicken.

"I, I, that's fun-funny, I know a man with that s-same name."

_Edward, it's me_.

"Who? _Who?_ I can't-I can't have m-met you before, the only M-Mustang I know is-he wouldn't-he'd _never_-" I grit my teeth as I struggle to find the oxygen _swimming_ around me.

_Fullmetal_-

"_No!_" I yell, tearing away to tumble backward with the chair. He tries to help me up but I kick out, scooting backward in livid terror.

He can't be-

_Roy Mustang_ wouldn't-

All of _this_-

We're _friends_ but-

He's fucking with me.

He _lied_ to me again!

"I _told_ you not to-not to _lie_ to me!" I scream, leaping to my feet as my body quakes in rage. "No _jokes!_ No _lies_, no _tricks!_ Don't you r-_realize_ how-how much I _need_ this?! How-how-how _hard_ this is," I wheeze, the fire burning out and leaving me heartbroken. "To _love_ a man I don't-I don't _know?_"

I had admitted my feelings to him, finally. I told him how much this means to me, how much I need to know his identity-

Please don't _lie_ to me or screw around with me, what's your _name_-

_I love you too, Edward_.

"But who _are_ you?!" I cry, latching onto his shirt desperately. "Please, _please_, who…"

_There is no joke or lie. It's me, Ed._

"C-c-col-" I gasp and loosen my grip on him, taking a step back. "C-colonel Mustang?"

_Yes_.

"The F-Flame Al-Alchemist?"

_Yes_.

"_Bullshit!_" I yell again, throwing out a fist that's caught immediately. "Like _hell_ you are!" I don't give him a _chance_ to reach my chest again, throwing out another punch. Taking advantage of my precarious balance and slow reflexes, he drops me roughly onto my back, pinning my limbs with his body. I struggle to get my hands free and fight back but he's _heavier_ than I am and my-my emotional state is so _compromised_ that I can't-I can't _fight _him and-

His free hand thumps against my chest again, and despite my anger, I can't ignore it.

_I never wanted to hurt you_.

"But you-he-_Roy Mustang_ isn't-he's not _gay!_" I splutter, my physical struggling finally abating as the conflict turned to my mind.

_I fell in love with you_.

"After I became an-an _invalid?!_"

_I loved you before. I just didn't realize_-

"Liar," I cry weakly, breaking down into pathetic sobs.

I couldn't-

Is this the worst fate to accept, Ed? What's so wrong about it?

He's-he's an _asshole_, a self-centered egotistical _womanizing_ bastard who wouldn't go for a _crippled man_-

Why _him?_ Why? Of _all_ the people-

At least I _know_ him…

But he must be the _worst_ person who could be-

My head suddenly snaps to the side, a pressure on my cheekbone telling me that I was hit. He _slapped_ me.

Was I not paying attention-

No, he _heard_ what I had thought. I spoke without realizing it again, and he-

"Well I, I.. how did you-did you _think_ I would r-react!"

_Our history isn't that bad_.

"You were always-always an _asshole!_-"

_So were you._

"You _kissed_ me-and we _snuggled_-oh god," I gasp, trying again to free myself from his grip. "You-you _bathed_ me and you had to-to _teach me_ to use the-the _toilet_-"

_Stop overreacting_.

"Of all people," I sobbed. "Never _you!_ I never want-wanted to sh-show weakness to _you!_"

_You never have._

"But I-"

_Weakness is giving up, and you didn't_.

"I...I…!" I couldn't just let go of my _pride_, of my stubbornly warring mind, I still felt so unjustly _emasculated_ and-

"Prove it," I gasp in a strangled voice. "_Prove_ you're the-the Flame Alchemist!"

I feel a shift in weight before a crackle of unmistakable alchemic energy. There's a sudden tremor near my chest, almost an explosion of air; and as I suck in a breath, it's almost _unbearably_ hot.

"It's you," I gasp weakly, relinquishing my struggle and letting myself go limp. Roy Mustang was on top of me, still no doubt as I always remember him-in that uniform and all-and he was the one, all this time, who-

"Aren't you _blind?_" I cry in sudden realization, my own lack of sight searing into me like the _worst_ kind of irony.

_Dr. Marcoh healed me_.

"_Healed_ you?! With wh-"

Sometimes I wish I _were_ an idiot. Then I wouldn't figure things _out_ so easily.

"Phi-philosopher's stone?"

_I have a better chance at helping this country with my eyesight_.

"You-you _know_ what the-the _ingredients_ are for a-a-a _stone!_" I finally manage to shove him off, leaping to my feet only to stumble on my first step and go back down again. I _scream_ out my frustration and slam my fist to the floor, feeling sudden pain immediately afterward that causes me to curse.

He takes my hand in his to lift it and _inspect_ it, but I yank it back and hold it to my stomach protectively.

"Don't-don't _touch_ me!"

_Ed-_

"_No!_" I scream, throwing my arm out and up, connecting roughly with something solid. I stumble to my feet and run into the living room, veering around the doorway and bolting for the bathroom. I make it in and slam the door, leaning my body against it as I struggled to contain my rage, my _anguish_.

Maybe I'm overreacting.

No, Mustang _knew_ I was in the military, he _knew_ I had to learn Dorset!

He-

All of this time he took _advantage_ of my disability-

He saw _everything_ that I hated, all of my embarrassing struggles-

He saw me fall into the _toilet_ and oh god I made him promise not to _tell_ anyone but probably his whole _team_ knows!

I'm an embarrassment.

My life has turned into one big joke.

Oh yeah, I'm making _real_ progress, what with this weird energy sensing and just _knowing_ kinda stuff.

But I'm in _love_ with Colonel Roy Mustang?

Laugh it off, Ed.

How could I love him?

Could I really-

My body suddenly moves as he tries to open the door. I shove myself backward, shutting the door once again, yelling out when he tries one more time.

"Leave me _alone_ I don't _WANT YOU!_"

I angrily await the door to move again, but it never does. Minutes go by, the time seems to stretch on as I'm left alone to my silent and still world.

I curl up against the door and hold my knees to my chest, breaking into wheezy sobs of immeasurable _loneliness_.

I did this.

I pushed him away.

But right now, I just don't think I can be with him.

* * *

Edward had made it clear. He wanted nothing to do with _Roy Mustang_, only the fantasy of the man he'd been with for months.

Roy nursed his jaw from Ed's earlier _retaliation_, though it was hardly the thing causing him the most pain.

"_How could I love him?_"

Roy had heard those words clearly through the bathroom door. He _knew_ just from the way Ed had _said_ them that he didn't mean for it to reach Roy's ears.

He had confirmed it minutes later.

"_I don't WANT YOU!_"

Ed had requested to be left alone.

"I'll leave you alone," Roy whispered coldly. He didn't go near the bathroom door, simply took his soup into his study and locked the door behind him.

Roy had never specifically done anything to earn such _hatred_ from Ed, had he? Some irritation and ire, but the pure _rejection_ from earlier…

Maybe Ed was just being too prideful. Though for as much help as he'd accepted lately, he wouldn't have foreseen Ed reacting quite so badly about reputation and _appearances_.

They had shared the same home, the same bed, the same _life_ and _love_ for months now, despite the circumstances. Yet in one night, in one argument, Ed had clearly shown his extreme disapproval for Roy. Renounced his _love_ for the man.

Ed couldn't be expected to accept their relationship immediately, but Roy didn't realize Ed harbored such animosity toward him, or viewed him as such a cold man. Could it just be the _shock_ of learning that Roy was his… the man he was in _love_ with?

_Ed loves me_. _Or is it just the idea of me?_

Roy cursed as the memory of Ed's desperation and anger blocked out all else in his mind.

_He looked so betrayed. Does he think I don't feel the same way? All of the love I've given _him _and he-_

_But he looked just as hurt_.

Ed asked to be left alone. Roy would oblige him and leave him alone until he called on Roy again.

The ache in his heart remained from Ed's sheer _rejection_.

"_Of all the people_," Ed had said. Roy sighed and poked at his soup, suffering an extreme loss of appetite. He finally surrendered and left his bowl to head upstairs, _alone_, and turn into bed early.

Though he knew he knew he'd be lucky to get _any_ sleep.


	33. Chapter 33

_To justaislinn_: Roy's team knows about Ed's condition and living arrangements, and until now Roy has kept all visitors to a bare minimum for the sake of Ed's sanity. But now that Ed can communicate and differentiate people... well, let's wait until an Amestrian winter, hm? ;)

* * *

I've been so lonely.

I did it to myself though. I rejected him-I rejected _Roy_ so completely, balked at the idea that I was in love with _Mustang_ and overreacted to my idiotic pride.

So it's Mustang, so _what?_ He's been putting so much time and effort into my care, into my _happiness_.

He taught me to get up and move on my own. He brought me into his home and taught me the closest to self-sufficiency that I'll ever have.

And after all that I had suffered through, he showed me happiness and bliss in the face of adversity.

He supported me after the failed transmutation when I was a child. For years as his subordinate, he tried to help me find a way to restore my brother and I. He only ever tried to help me with a good heart, if not being a smartass along the way-

He was cold when it was required, he pushed me when I wanted to lay down and not get up. He helped me back on my feet when I fell and he was so much _more_ than just my commanding officer, but I never gave _possibility_ to the idea of _love _between us because-

I'm not _gay!_

You keep telling yourself that, Edward. Yet you loved _him_ completely before you learned of his identity.

He's too old for me.

People have fallen in love with larger age gaps.

What about _Hawkeye? _Those two had such..such _chemistry_.

Does it matter, Ed? He fell in love with you, your limbless body with automail and your caustic disposition, despite everything else and every_one_ else and every other possibility that makes more sense.

And you repaid the love and trust by throwing it in his face and abusing him, _screaming _at him, running away when all he ever did was to run _to_ you and support you.

Would he ever forgive me?

I don't even know when he's around.

He doesn't come to me. He doesn't bathe me or take me to our bed-_his_ bed. He leaves me alone all day to the couch and my devices and my introspective mind.

I miss him, but I treated him so badly. I want to call out to him, _cry_ out for him, and feel myself in his arms again.

Even if it is the man I never wanted to see my wavering pride.

Instead I suffer from the same irrational fear that had kept me from so long asking about my brother. I cry alone on the couch, suffering needlessly rather than opening up and just trying, just _asking_ him for forgiveness.

I don't know how long it's been. Without him, I've lost my sense of day and night and I'm stuck in my lonesome hell of white again.

I wish Alphonse were still here. Even without Dorset code, I know we could still communicate, and I need _support_ right now.

I'm just being illogical and stupid, because I know that the only _real_ support I need, the only one who can heal my heartache, is him.

But I'm not alone. I broke _his_ heart.

He's done so much already. He must truly love me.

So...so he would forgive me, right?

He wouldn't give up on me after one... _lover's spat_, right?

I slowly pick myself off the couch and make my way tiredly to the kitchen. My appetite has been crap these past few- I assume it's been days, it feels like so _long_...

Reaching into the fridge, I have difficulty finding a drink. After I finally find one and down it, I cautiously check for another. I'm alarmed to find it completely empty, even when I browse the other shelves I never need to navigate.

He let me run out of food.

Is he-is he _here_ right now, making more next to me and I don't even know it?

"Roy?" I ask weakly, speaking for the first time since I-since I screamed at him. "Are you-are you there?"

I don't expect an answer, so I'm not surprised to receive none.

I explore the kitchen, not finding him anywhere in the room-not at work making my food at the counter, or eating his own meal at the table.

"Roy?" I call again, exploring the other rooms of the downstairs. His study, the bathroom, the living room, I even venture up the stairs and check the bedroom and bathroom and new rooms completely alien to me and I trip and fall and get _lost_ but that's not the cause of my stress it's because he's not _there_ and I need him-

I need to _apologize_-

And not just so he makes me more food.

I don't think he'd let me starve, anyway.

I _did_ really overreact...

I eventually find my way out of the strange area, though I don't realize it until I get to the stairs, _miss_ the step, and tumble down them to land on my right shoulder and still-sore right _hand_ and I cry out in pain, but nobody comes.

He's not home. He wouldn't ignore me falling down the stairs-

He's not here.

I curl up where I landed, rolling onto my left side as I hug my hand to my stomach and choke on sobs.

This is all my own fault.

I pushed him away.

I just hope I can win him back.

* * *

Roy glumly threw more produce into his cart, pushing the haul through the section. He had neglected to do this the day before, though he knew that Ed was low on food.

He wasn't trying to be abusive by starvation. Roy had simply been paying too much attention to his work as an alternative to suffering through heartache.

For _three days_ Ed had completely ignored Roy, remained silent and curled up on the couch in self-inflicted isolation.

For three days, Ed had silently cried and clutched at the red blanket, leaving the couch only for an occasional smoothie or trip to the bathroom.

"I have to say something soon," Roy sighed as he stocked up on Ed's vitamins. "Or else that little shit will starve."

Ed had barely eaten anything since the altercation. One day's worth of smoothies had lasted Ed for three, and he was already slim enough without losing any more weight.

Roy would rather have Ed shopping with him, not home alone and alienated.

But if that's what Ed preferred...

_No, I'm breaking the silence tonight. Immediately when I get home._

* * *

"Hey hey, make it _quiet!_ He has neighbors you know, we can't get _caught_ doing this."

"Why are we ambushing him? Why can't we just attack him head-on?"

"Are you stupid? Have you _seen_ his flame alchemy? He can kill us with a snap of his fingers!" The lock on the door clicked open with a bit of expert prying, two figures slipping into the house in the faint dusk light. "We have to catch him by surprise and knock him out as soon as he comes in."

"Right, right."

Closing the door behind them, the two men slipped into the dark home. Prepared to lie in wait for Colonel Mustang, their attention immediately turned to the body slowly rising from the foot of the stairs.

One man hit the other as quietly as possible, pointing at the blonde man. Waiting until he settled gingerly onto the couch, the two intruders made their way to him to knock him unconscious.

"Roy?" His weak call froze both men in their tracks, though the taller and bolder stepped forward to confront him and do the deed.

"Roy are you there?" Two golden eyes searched around, met the cold brown of the taller man, and kept on looking.

"It appears we have a blind man on our hands," he said with intrigue, surprised when Ed didn't reply to his words.

"Really?" The second man skittered into view, gazing curiously at Ed. "He doesn't seem to mind our _unfamiliar_ voices."

"That is a bit unsettling. Are you used to strange men in your house, Goldie?"

"Nice one, Mitch." He snickered.

"Don't use my _name_, you idiot! Blind or not, this guy can incriminate us with our names!"

"Yeah, because we're not doing that well enough on our own," came the dry reply. "What was your handle again?"

"It's Devon. You _do_ remember yours, right?"

"Uhm, well..."

"Unbelievable," Devon growled. "It's Brandon. The closest name I know to _brain dead_."

"_Hey!_ Just because I'm a little forgetful-"

"You're a fucking _idiot!_ Just shut up, this guy must be listening to every word."

Almost as if on cue, Ed called out for Roy again. Receiving no response, he stood, tiredly heading toward the door with his right hand still held protectively to his chest.

"Where do you think you're going, Goldie?" Devon growled, striding forward and grabbing Ed's left wrist when he didn't answer.

"Roy?!" Ed gasped in reflex, freezing immediately. He reached forward tentatively with his right hand, its skin flushed red from injury. "Is-is that you?"

"What the hell, is this guy a _retard?_" Devon laughed, grabbing Ed's sore hand and squeezing it as tightly as he could, earning an anguished scream. His hand slapped over Ed's mouth, muffling the loud sound.

"_Geez_ Devon you're gonna get us caught!" Brandon hissed, pulling the two apart when Ed's pained cry turned into pathetically frightened whimpering.

"This guy kinda looks familiar," Devon said, ignoring Brandon. "Shine your flashlight on 'im so we can get a better look."

"Uh, yeah, okay."

"He's older now, but I remember that face and that voice. That's the little shit that caught my ass and got me thrown in jail!" Devon shoved Ed, knocking him roughly to the floor. "But how the hell did he end so messed up?"

"I dunno, but I don't think we should be messing with him. It ain't right to mess with the handicapped."

"You ever see how this guy kicked ass years ago? I don't care what he's like now, he earned himself some payback!"

"Mitc-Devon, I don't think he can hear anything we're saying. Just let the man alone."

"Are you-"

"We're here for Mustang, not him!"

"Well maybe I'll just take my anger out on this man instead! Military state alchemist, same thing as Mustang! Only this guy's fucked up and I _really_ get to fuck with his head!"

"Who are you," Ed whined pathetically, cringing when Devon yanked him to his feet. He kept his swollen right hand protectively to his chest, trying to guard it from further attack.

"Your new best friends, kid. Come on Brandon, we're taking him with us."

"Devon, I don't... I really don't approve of this. Its not _right_ to mess with the handicapped."

"Are you gonna back out on me now? You know Mustang got you five years in prison for something bogus!"

"Yeah and that's on _him_, not this guy!" Brandon walked toward the door. "I'm not gonna be a part of this. If you want him, you gotta take him yourself."

"Brandon!" Devon hissed, dropping Ed to the floor on his face as he ran to the door. "You're really gonna _quit?_"

"Mitch, this ain't right. I don't see this turning out well in any outcome."

"Fine, you pussy. Get out of here, I'll do it _myself!_"

Devon returned to Ed, kicking the downed man in the ribs.

"If you're not deaf, I suggest you get your sorry ass up before we have to do this the hard way."

"What the hell do you want?!" Ed cried, throwing a fist with his left hand. It connected with air, but the flashlight that slammed into his skull was dead-on and knocked him out instantly.

"You still have some fight in you, huh kid? This will make it more fun," Devon growled, grabbing Ed under the arms to drag him away. "Damn you're-heavy." Dropping Ed, he remembered Fullmetal's metallic limbs and checked the left leg, yanking the automail off and throwing it aside. "Won't need this, cripple," he laughed gleefully.

With a much lighter load, Devon dragged Ed out to his vehicle and threw him in, leaping into the driver's seat for a quick getaway. The car disappeared into the night without a trace, leaving no clues for the Flame Alchemist as he returned only minutes later.


	34. Chapter 34

_To Taisiya Yuyu &amp; shaatt_: I have every other Monday off, and yesterday was one! As for this chapter… well, this is what I do on my breaks, other than food. (Although this seems more of a minichapter in length, oops)  
_To MagnificentFern_: Sorry to disappoint… satisfy? you, but Roy won't be the one to rescue Ed. He's saved Ed from insanity once, he can't do it again!

* * *

Hauling his load of fruits and vegetables, Roy slipped his key out only to find the door cracked open. Quietly setting down his bags, he slid his gloves on and entered the home with caution, peering into the darkness for any hint of trouble.

He cleared each room silently and stealthily, fingers poised to snap at the first sign of danger. He expertly made his way through the dark home, wary of the unsettling _stillness_ and lack of life.

He hadn't found Edward. Not on the couch, not in the kitchen, nor in the bathroom or even in the _bedroom_.

"Edward where the hell are you," Roy hissed as he made his way through the house more quickly, his search growing frantic as he desperately tried to find his absent partner. "_Edward!_"

Roy _had_ found the front door open. But surely Ed wouldn't be dumb enough to-

Maybe Ed really _did_ hate the idea of Roy being the man he loved.

But to _run away_ was _suicidal!_ Ed couldn't take care of himself!

Throwing caution to the wind, Roy bolted through the house like a madman, searching it thoroughly two more times to find it completely vacant. He made a mad dash for the door, _hoping_ to find Ed before he got too far-but his attention was drawn to the mysteriously overlooked automail as he tripped over it.

"What the-" Roy's breath caught in his throat as he saw the leg in the shadow of the moonlight, the living room's lighting not quite reaching the limb. He grabbed it and _stared_ at it, dumbly taking a minute to come to horrored realization.

Edward didn't run away. He couldn't _run_ without his leg.

He had been kidnapped.

Roy flew outside to look for a sign of a car, of _something_ to help him find Ed, though he knew his chance was long gone by now. He grit his teeth and returned inside to snatch up the phone and frantically call Hawkeye, explaining the situation to her and recruiting her for search &amp; rescue. Shoving his bags of produce carelessly into the fridge, he threw his coat back on and left the house to search.

* * *

My head is pounding. My spine is twisted in an uncomfortable position, causing a mild ache at the base where I had just gotten over my injury.

What the hell had _happened?_ It felt like I was being attacked earlier, but was it just my imagination?

As soon as I roll slightly to relax my spine, a painful jab to my ribs stops me cold.

I didn't imagine _that_.

"Who-who are you?!"

Another sharp pain and I try to scoot away, but it's so _hard_ to move.

Who's attacking me? Where's Roy? Why isn't he stopping this?

What...what if this _is_ Roy?

I-I know I hurt him but-

"Roy?"

The hits only grow harder, threatening to crack my ribs.

I'm being _kicked_.

If I don't stop the attacks, they'll break my bones.

"I'm _sorry!_" I yell, trying to curl in on myself and guard my tender side. "I-I didn't _mean_ to-Ow! Stop _kicking_ me!"

I swipe out with my arm to try and counter the attack, but it's out of blind anger and not automated defense so I miss. I'm rewarded with my attacker taking my throbbing right hand and slamming it to the ground. White-hot pain courses through me and I find myself laying on the floor, clutching the hand to my chest as I pathetically gasp for relief.

All of the attacks on me have ever been imaginary or perceived, or when Alphonse only did what he thought right to preserve the tatters of my broken life.

But this is real.

As I feel a stunning blow to my head, I realize that if I don't fight back with everything I've got, I could _die_ here.

I can't die yet.

I haven't had a chance to apologize to Roy.

And I-well I hope he forgives me, because I want to keep being his partner. His boyfriend. His _invalid_. His live ragdoll, _anything_, as long as we're both _happy_ again.

I'm not going to just _take_ this. I'm going to make it through so I can apologize to him for what I said. To explain to Roy that I still _love_ him.

I react subconsciously, my arm blocking another blow. Again I block, scooting back with a menacing growl.

There's just enough of a pause to scramble to my feet, but even with working around my out-of-commission hand, I fail to stand. I try once more before I suck in a sharp breath of panicky realization and reach to feel for my automail.

It's _gone_.

"Give it-give it back!" I yell angrily, trying not to let fear overpower my anger.

I can't _see_ anything.

I don't know if I can defend myself.

All I can do is rely on my subconscious and hope Roy finds me in time.

I hesitate to react for just a moment and nearly black out from pain as my hand is slammed to the floor again.

My hand was feeling better earlier, but I think I broke it when I fell down the stairs. If I didn't, it's shattered now.

And this bastard is taking full advantage of that.

I block his foot with my left hand, yanking my right to safety and blocking with my elbow. I miss the incoming hit to my chest, but grin defiantly despite the pain.

Maybe I can't win, but I can sure as hell keep fighting.


	35. Chapter 35

_To MantaCat_: Your reviews make me giggle.  
_To Taisiya Yuyu_: I would be okay with that! As long as there was love. ❤ Though I imagine Roy would crave more, and while Ed understands that, he will be curious and ask about it in the future.

* * *

I'm in so much _pain_.

I know he managed to crack one of my ribs, despite my attempts to block him.

My back-

He's been throwing me around and slamming my body in so many ways, and the pain is back nearly as cripplingly as before.

He's had enough of my yelling and stuffs something in my mouth to gag me. I don't feel it there or recognize the hindered breathing for anything other than pain, but I know what it is when I feel the gag reflex and vomit what little lies in my stomach out into my cramped mouth.

I can't fight much longer, Roy. Where _are_ you?

* * *

"You're a resilient little shit," Devon growled, clutching Ed's head by the hair. "But I'm getting tired of your mouth."

He silenced Ed with a balled-up rag, intrigued when at first there was no reaction. He grinned when Ed vomited into the gag, extreme nausea on his face as he began coughing and reaching for the gag with his only good hand.

"Ah-ah-_ah!_ It stays in. _Everything_. I don't want to hear any more of your crap." Devon grabbed Ed's left wrist and yanked roughly on it, aggravating the pain in his shirtless upper body as his ribs were jarred.

Ed hissed and continued his struggle to escape the abuse, attempting to scoot away using his right elbow. When he realized his captor had kept hold of his left arm, he lashed out with his right leg, freeing himself with a kick to Devon's neck.

Another feral growl of warning escaped Ed's throat, causing only choking that made him freeze as he struggled to breathe through the messy obstruction in his mouth and the pain of his cracked rib.

"Geez. I've broken your body but not your spirit. This isn't any fun. How do I break you all the way?"

Devon reached forward to gently run his hand over Ed's cheek, brushing a deceptively gentle feather-touch across the skin.

"You live with another man, huh? I guess you're _gay_, then?" Devon watched Ed carefully for a reaction to the touch, receiving none even when he reached down to run his hand across Ed's inner thigh. "What, you can't feel your skin either? Holy hell man, what kind of life do you have, why do you keep _living?_"

Devon finally earned a reaction when he grabbed Ed's ass and gave it a tight squeeze, the deep pressure registering in Ed's panicked mind. He gasped in terror and tried his damnedest to get away, fear finally marring the pain and replacing defiance in his resolve.

"Oh, you felt _that_, huh?" Devon pinned Ed to the floor, one leg on Ed's right as he held Ed's only good arm with the right hand buried excruciatingly under his own body. He held fast as Ed tried desperately and futilely to escape the grasp of his kidnapper with muffled screams of protest.

"Whassamatta? Don't you get this luxury treatment at home?" Devon cooed mockingly, sliding his hand across Ed's rear and down into his pants. "You sent me to prison, kid, and it fractured my future. Well now I'm gonna return the _favor!_"

Devon slipped his finger into Ed's rear, holding him steady as he jolted in fear and writhed frantically, his muffled screams of desperation going unanswered.

* * *

He-he-

No. _No_. No!

I'm not-

I don't _want_ this. I can't _take_ this!

Get off of me-get _out_ of me!

I scream and try to get out of his grasp, but I'm weak from pain and abuse and not _eating_.

My back arches as he digs in further, shocking my system with pain and nausea and _violation_ and that's _it_ I'm _done_-

I don't know how, but I whip around and manage to throw him off. Unsure of how long I have my mind reacts quickly and I remember a circle, I know what to _do_-

Suffering through the unbearable pain that has become my right hand, I cry into the gag as I stretch the fingers and slam my hands together. I drop down to the ground as my hands meet it, causing the explosion of air that sends me rolling and tumbling despite how close I had been hugging the floor.

I wonder what the explosion sounded like. I had never used it before, but judging from how far I had rolled, it was powerful enough to do what I'd hoped-knock him off his feet and stun him.

I don't know how _long_ I have though. I can't take a minute of reprieve, I have to escape him and this place before he comes after me again-

Hell I wish I had my _leg!_

I crawl as quickly as I can, gasping from the pain in my rib. I _think_ he only broke one.

I pause only for a moment to pull the soiled rag from my mouth to free my heavy breathing, never so glad for my lack of taste and smell, before pushing on.

Damn automail damn hand _dammit_ where's the _wall?_

It's just like home-if I can find the wall, I can find a doorway and try to escape.

Is he just standing there, watching and waiting for me to get close to freedom only to drag me back in?

It doesn't matter. I won't stop fighting.

Does he think he's going to break my spirit? He's gonna have to kill me first. He doesn't _know_ what I've already seen, the hell that I've been through even before I lost my senses.

But I _really_ need to get back to Roy.

I keep moving, finding the wall as my head bumps painlessly against it.

That probably would have hurt if I could feel it.

Focus, Edward!

Hell, I hurt so much.

I choose _right_ and turn, keeping my body angled to lean against the wall as I crawl. Unfortunately, I think I need the support of the wall or I'd fall over and not be able to get up.

My path takes me through something slick and I slide, falling onto my left side and knocking my head against the wall. I scramble to return to my crippled crawl to escape his captivity, fear gripping me because I don't know when he's gonna _catch_ me.

A doorway!

I've never been so happy to reach out and find only air.

I scurry into the new room, keeping close to the wall for bearing's sake. Moving as quickly as I can, I hit some things that I assume are furniture because they don't move easily like an open door would, though I wish I could _find_ the damn exit door!

Shuffle, shimmy, scoot, slip! What _was_ that slick stuff? It's slippery. I give it a sniff, then laugh at myself for even trying.

Keep moving, Elric. You have to get out of here alive, worry about your sanity _later_.

Door, door… hell, even if I find it, it's gonna be a _bitch_ to open it.

Why can't Roy just appear and _rescue_ me? The rest of the way, at least.

I hang my head as I remember his moments of sheer _incompetence_.

Sure, he's given me my life back… but honestly, I'm glad I was able to defend myself.

Just don't tell him that to his face, Ed. You're trying to make nice.

The hell with _making nice_, I just got _kidnapped!_

I collapse from sudden exhaustion, panting heavily from the pain and exertion as they threaten to strand me in this alien and hostile place.

No, no, _no_, get _up_ Ed, you can't give up now! You're so close!

How the hell would _you_ know?

He could be standing right in front of me and I'd never know until it was too late.

I suck in a sharp breath of unsettlingly familiar panic, searing my ribs with more pain. I scold myself in disbelief.

You're having a panic attack? Here, _now?_ Get a _grip!_

My body shakes as I battle to regain control of my fractured nerves and erratic breathing.

You haven't let him see you break yet. Don't give in now.

I find the energy inside me and crawl forward, suffering onward for the goal of two men.

Fullmetal and Flame.

Freakin' fags.

I snort in laughter and pause my advance to relax my heaving ribs.

I called myself a fag! _Haha_.

And yet I'm still a virgin. I wonder if I'll _die_ a virgin. Because even though I love him...the thought of _sex_ really turns me off. I think it's my condition more than anything else.

I wonder how _he_ feels about us physically?

You'll never know if you get stuck here, so keep _moving!_

Door. Door. _Door!_

A depression in the wall tells me that I found a _door_. I just hope it's my way out of this place.

I balance oddly on my right knee and the stump of my left, reaching up to fumble with my good hand in search of the knob. Turn, turn, it surprisingly opens easily and tells me that it was unlocked.

I hope this is the _exit_ door!

I tumble out as the door gives way and I suffer a loss of balance, unluckily landing on my right hand again. I clench my teeth together to hold in my cry of pain so as not to alert my captor.

What I wouldn't give for one of my medicated meals now.

I begin crawling again, steadily feeling my core temperature lower. Either it's really cold in this room...or it's nighttime and I've made it outside.

To _freedom_.

I push on, having no way of knowing my destination or if I'm crawling right into the path of traffic or hungry animals. I'd take either over that kidnapped again, holy _hell_.

Why would someone attack a handicapped man?

I know I haven't been the _nicest_ person in my past, but to garner that wrath when I could barely defend myself? I hope I can tell Roy about him, and he'll burn the bastard to a crisp.

"Flame," I wheeze, my movement slowing for my exhausted body, the permeating cold only amplifying my aches and pains at every movement. "Snap, need heat…"

I've traveled a short distance further when I feel hands grasping me under the ribs. Fearful that my captor has returned, I bear the pain as I try to escape the touch.

"No! _No!_" I'm free in moments, but there's a pain in my right hand as it's _touched_ and I tear it away, rolling onto my back to defend myself with what limbs I _have_ and there's a hit to my chest so I make a hit to his _face_ with my leg-

I can't go back, I _can't_, I have to find _Roy_, I need Roy, leave me _alone!_

I'm outside. I can call for help!

I scream as loud as I can, thrashing as he tries to silence me with a pressured hand on my mouth.

No, _no_, I _won't_ go back! I'll never stop fighting you!

I will my mouth open and bite down, unsure if I had bitten him until the pressure leaves and I resume my loud screaming.

I hope _someone_ will come, because I can't find Roy alone.


	36. Chapter 36

_To Taisiya Yuyu_: God of cliffhangers? That's Goddess, ma'am! (haha)  
_To shaatt_: Ed's so awesome, he rescued himself!  
_To gaap237_: *laughing* I love how well you know our little blond 'devil'.

* * *

"He's barely eaten anything in days. And they took off his _leg_," Roy hissed, shining his flashlight into the night next to Hawkeye. "When I find who took him-"

"We'll see that he finds justice," Riza finished, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. Her offered smile was wrought with concern of the situation. "Focus on Edward. He needs us to find him."

"Of course." Roy sucked in a shaky breath, continuing his search.

It was Riza's flashlight that shined on the malformed body with the painfully slow and haphazardly crawl.

"_Sir!_"

"Lieutenant?!" Roy's flashlight met hers and the two _bolted_ to the figure, confirming it to be Edward.

He looked like death warmed over.

He was drenched in drying blood, his golden hair plastered to his face with the crusty crimson color. It contrasted harshly against the pale skin of his pain-contorted face as he crawled slowly and jerkily, each movement jolting him with visibly jarring agony.

His right hand was held guarded especially from the ground as he moved, both officers noting its swollen and inflamed condition.

"Help me sit him up," Roy ordered more calculatingly than he would have preferred, but he was just so _concerned_ for Ed and Riza understood perfectly.

"I wonder how far he came," She replied softly as Roy placed his hands under Ed's arms and lifted, startled but unsurprised when Ed immediately reacted by writhing around to slip out of the grip.

"No! _No!_" He cried in terror, freeing himself from Roy's grasp easily. Riza reached forward to help, but made the mistake of grabbing his injured hand and launching him into a fully defensive mode in which he rolled onto his back, kicking Roy right in the face when he tried to snap Ed out of the panic.

Despite no further touch to the blond, he panted shakily before he began _screaming_ at the top of his lungs, halting Riza in hesitant concern. Roy realized before she did that he was trying to alert help, but they didn't need anybody else privy to this scene, or anybody trying to stop the only man who could wake Ed from his living nightmare.

Pressing his hand to Ed's mouth to silence him, Roy began tapping on Ed's chest frantically in an attempt to _communicate_ with him, and was only rewarded with a bite strong enough to draw blood.

"_Shit!_" Roy yanked his hand back, Riza's flashlight highlighting the sheer feral cornered _panic_ on Ed's face before he began screaming again.

"_Sir!_" Riza knelt down, grabbing Ed less than gently to restrain him in a firm hug with his back against her chest, careful to keep his limbs restrained to prevent injury to either of them. "You have to wake him up!"

"I _know_ that, Lieutenant!" He clamped his hand over Ed's mouth again, careful of the sharp teeth that he had to brush every morning. His stomach turned at the wild rebellion in Ed's pained eyes, but he had _seen_ that expression before and knew that Ed wasn't lost to him.

He began tapping on Ed's chest again, keeping the frantic screams muffled as Riza kept him mostly stilled.

_Tap, thump-tap-tap_. _Tap, thump-tap-tap_. _Tap, thump-tap-tap_.

He repeated the pattern over and over, praying that Ed would pick _up_ on it and return to sanity long enough to question the situation.

_Tap, thump-tap-tap_.

The screaming died down, replaced with confusion clouding his fearful eyes.

_Tap, thump-tap-tap_. _Tap, thump-tap-tap_.

Roy pulled his hand from Ed's mouth as the screams stopped completely, replaced by heavy and erratic breaths.

"_Ed_," he whispered, golden eyes jerking around before angling down as if to see where Roy was tapping out the name repeatedly on his chest. "_Ed, Ed, Ed_."

"Yes." Roy nodded Ed's head by the chin, heartbroken by the sudden surge of hope on his bloodstained face.

"Roy?!"

_Yes_.

"Oh hell Roy-" Ed sucked in a breath, nearly choking on it as he wheezed through shaky sobs. "Roy I-he tried to-he broke m-my-" He slumped in Riza's arms as he gave into the supportive arms and the relief that flooded his broken body. He allowed himself to freely cry, barely managing to ask for more confirmation of who was with him.

_I'm sorry, Ed_.

"Where-where w-were you? When they-" Ed didn't need to voice the rest, Roy picking up on his meaning and on the apprehension to complete the sentence.

_Picking up your food_.

"He-he took my _leg_, I-I couldn't _walk_," Ed wheezed, Riza able to feel every tremor in his shaking body.

_It's safe at home_.

"I-I want to go-to go home," he replied, aware of the blatant childishness of his statement and the tone of his whine.

_We will. But your hand is broken._

"Hospital," Ed whined understandingly. "And-and my-my _ribs_ too," he added. "Roy who-who's hol-holding me?"

_Riza_.

Ed tilted his head back, golden eyes visible to Riza as he offered her a smile.

"Thank-thank you. I'm warmer-warmer now and I-I'm exhausted."

Riza released Ed's right arm to tap a reply to his chest, her Dorset message lighter and slower than Roy's and with more pause between words.

_Of course. We love you, Edward._

"I-I love you too," he replied with an honest smile. He released a shuddering breath, holding his throbbing hand comfortingly to his chest as he was allowed time to just _relax_.

"We have to find who did this to him," Riza reminded Roy.

"I know. It's just-"

"To know he's safe," she finished for him.

"Yeah." Roy leaned forward, tapping gently on Ed's chest.

_Edward_.

"Roy?"

_Riza will keep you safe. I'll return in five minutes._

"Where are you-" Ed tensed in her arms, relaxing moments later as his eyelids drooped. "Roy I-I can't give you any-any clues I'm-I'm sorry," he replied tiredly.

"You know just where I'm going, don't you," Roy chuckled. "It's all right, Ed. I'll find him."

_I find criminals without you all the time. I'll manage_.

Ed jerked in Riza's grip, fire in his eyes.

"Yeah okay you-you _overconfident_ smartass!"

Roy laughed and ruffled Ed's head, leaving the blond huffy and confused as he succumbed to the comfort of Riza's embrace, slowly drifting off in her arms to the rhythmic rise and fall of her breathing.

* * *

The trail wasn't all too hard to find. The flood of Roy's flashlight contrasted shadows better than the sun could have done, revealing where Ed had been half-crawling and half-dragging his body across the sidewalks and through the dirt. He was impressed when he found a spot that Ed had nearly gone off-curb before turning and following the sidewalk again.

He knew he was growing close to the source when he found dried blood forming a trail across the pathway and grass of the average home. He held his glove poised and ready to snap, slipping inside the gaping doorway into the darkness of the living room.

He edged closer to the eerily silent glow of the adjacent room, painfully aware of the blood trail leading through the doorway.

Expecting the perpetrator to be long-gone by now, Roy was alarmed to see the pale and still body lying in a pool of blood. A quick inspection revealed a split skull to be the cause of death.

Mitch Kurkowski. Roy _recognized_ the man.

He was a man wanted for abusing women, beating up new girlfriends and occasionally date-rape. Ed had helped Roy find him, whupped his ass good, and cackled victoriously as they drug him away.

And this was his payback.

Roy put a hand to his head as he thought of all the _people_ Ed had pissed off in the past. He would have to safeguard Ed to make sure this didn't happen again.

But _how?_ He didn't think Ed would want to stay cooped up in a house for the rest of his life, just for the risk of danger.

"_Let someone else try something. I'll kick _their _ass too!_" Roy could easily imagine Ed yelling out that challenge, and he couldn't help but grin.

"Yeah Ed, I bet you would." Roy gazed at the mess of the room. Other than a table knocked over, the only evidence of what had happened was a smear of drying vomit and a discarded rag near the wall. "Now what the hell happened here…"

He left the building, stopping at a payphone to report the situation to the authorities. He knew he would have to file a report on the situation, but for the rest of the night, his attention was purely on getting Ed the finest medical care.

As he neared his diligent Lieutenant, he noticed Ed was peacefully sleeping in her guarding arms. His troubled frown softened into a smile as he watched his two blondes enjoy a moment of respite together, despite the troubled world they faced every day.


	37. Chapter 37

I hear voices.

That's odd, I can't _hear_, how do I hear voices?

The colors swim before my eyes, revealing a hazy vision of Winry sitting by my bedside. She looks so young, I wonder what's going on?

My right arm hurts like hell. I _did_ just have my hand mangled, didn't I?

Ow, _ow!_ My left leg-

I hiss and ask her what happened. She doesn't answer, but I hear a curiously familiar metallic clanking enter the room.

_Alphonse?_ But I got your body back, what's going on?!

No, you didn't-

Did you sacrifice your body for my senses?!

No, no, _no!_

I try to sit up, but Winry stops me and yells at me about my ports.

"_Automail surgery isn't easy, Ed! Now lay down and rest!_"

Automail surgery?! What the hell did the kidnapper _do_ to me?!

I pant frantically and try to lift my right arm but the entire _limb_ is only a mess of cables and wires. I cry out and look down at my leg, but that's when I freeze.

My _leg_ is a mess of the same surgical nightmare as my arm… and my body is entirely too small. Using my left hand, I yank the blanket off and pull up my shirt.

There's no scar.

I'm in a _memory_. This isn't _real_.

As soon as the realization hits me, everything goes white and silent and I'm left alone again to slowly grapple with reality and pray for sanity to save me from breaking apart at the seams.

Roy, are you there? I need bearing, I need help. I can be strong but it's-it's so hard to do it _alone_.

I reach out as I fight to steady my breathing, tearing my hand back as I remember what had happened the _last_ time I reached for someone and thought it was Roy.

Kicking.

Gagging.

My _hand_.

And then he-

I feel a tapping on my chest, returning me to the _here_ and _now_ and letting me realize that I've slipped into a full-on panic attack. I know it's Roy with me, but I react without thinking and swipe out at him as I release a strangled cry before I go limp and break down into sobs.

_Tap, thump-tap-tap_.

_Ed. Ed, what is it?_

"Lost," I wheeze, grabbing for his free hand with my left. "I-I just-I just need an-an anchor."

_Me?_

"Well who-who _else_, dumbass?!" He takes my hand and I grasp it tightly, thrusting out memory of the kicks to my side and replacing it with Dr. Stein's soothing touch. I replace the feeling of _violation_ with the trust of Roy's caring bathing. Yet the feeling still slips in of my body thrown against the wall and I fail to hold back the outcry in reflex.

_Ed?_

"How _long_ is this gonna haunt me?!" I cry, for the first time failing to kill the panic attack as I _will_ it to go away, and it creeps back in on me like-

Like _him_ into my _anus_ and I can't-

_Ed, Ed, Ed!_ A harder hit to my chest finally wakes me from my writhing and returns me to _Roy_, to the comfort of my fractured sanity.

"Oh god," I moan, turning my head to the side. "I can't-I-I _can't_-I'm so sorry Roy I'm still-"

My entire body moves to the side before I feel a weight next to me, the surface shifting under-under _him_, Roy has joined me in the bed. He moves my arm comfortably to my belly and lays his across my chest, gently running his hands over my unscathed ribs with just enough pressure to be soothing.

I asked for an anchor, and he's here to hold me fast to the present.

Why is this _affecting _me so badly?! I wasn't even this traumatized while it was _happening!_

But I knew what was going on. I was stuck in fight mode.

Here, I'm waiting for stimulus, I'm jumping back and forth between fight mode and just being able to _relax_ but maybe because it's still so fresh in my mind-

I never got rid of the hell of trying to bring back mom, I hope _this_ doesn't stay with me forever.

_Tap, thump-tap-tap_.

I slipped again. Despite his embrace, my breathing had grown frantic and I lost my grasp on reality.

I'm swimming between worlds again, feeling all too powerfully my limitations on _perception_ and it's _killing_ me because I thought I was stronger, I thought I could take _anything_.

"I'm so weak and broken," I gasp pathetically, burying myself into his embrace. "One s-stupid incident and I re-_regress_ so much-"

_Quiet. This happens to people all the time_.

"I-I can barely stay a-afloat!"

_It can be hard to grasp reality after trauma_.

"But for how _long!_" I cry, trying to fill my blank void with visions of happy things.

_It could be hours, or months. Time will tell_.

"I-I can't-I-"

You've done so much Ed, come so far. Surely you can suffer through this a little longer to get back to strength and stability.

But I-I want the peace of mind _now_.

It took your entire childhood to get that.

And then I lost it with one trip to the gate.

Yet for all that was taken from you that day, you still found survival and life and _love_ and strength in all of that. You're not going to let one silly little abduction break down all that you've built, are you?

_Tap, thump-tap-tap_.

How is my breathing? Still fast, but my stomach isn't doing flips and I don't feel on the brink of breaking. I'm calming down and he just wants my attention.

"I love you, Roy," I manage, reaching across with my broken right hand to drape it over him and hug him. "I'm-I'm sorry I pushed you-you away."

_Given our past, I don't completely blame you. I'm not that bad though, am I?_

I choke out a laugh, losing myself to the conversation of the present and leaving that dark night behind.

"Like-like fine wine you-you've improved with age."

_You drink, Edward?_

"Shut up and-and take that insult."

_I thought that was a compliment_.

"If you're not-not lying, you must get-get pissed in the face all the time."

_You know politics well, Ed._

I snort in laughter, relaxing in his embrace. Pulling my right hand close, I note that it's pain-free.

"How-how is my hand?"

_Broken in two places. It's in a cast._

"Oh _whaaat?_ How long-long will it take?"

_Two months._

I grumble and curse as I nest the casted appendage between our bodies.

_I'm sorry he broke your hand_.

"No, no, I... He-he made it worse but I-but I hurt it by-by falling down the stairs."

_What were you doing upstairs?_

"Looking for you."

_Ed, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have ignored you_.

"No. I shouldn't have re-reacted so horribly. You've done nothing-nothing but _be_ there for me and I-and I-it's just dumb _pride_ and not f-fair to _you_."

_You may be more prideful than I, but I'm not without fault._

"I know you're not." I grin slyly, earning a pressured poke between my healthy ribs that I try to shy away from. "Hey hey _hey_ stoppit!"

I'm giggling like an idiot when I feel him pull away and leave my side. I start nervously, reaching out with my left hand for him.

"Roy?"

He tilts my head back and I feel the pressure on my neck-

It's the first kiss we've had since our fight.

The first time I've kissed _Roy_ and not _him_.

I was afraid it would feel different, knowing I was kissing the Colonel...and though it _does_ feel different, there's no lack of love, no second-guessing.

There's only a swelling of happiness in my heart, bubbling into my throat and threatening to spill out as more emasculating giggles.

I'm dizzy when he finally pulls away, my head swimming from lack of oxygen and surplus of ecstasy.

_Ed. Ed, Wake up_.

"If-if this is a dream then-then I don't want to wake up."

_I love you too. But I have to leave for a while_.

With those few words, my excessive happiness disappears to be replaced by irrational fear.

"Wh-why?"

_Calm down_.

Oh hell, I _am_ breathing kind of fast.

_I have to file a report on last night. I'm not leaving you alone_.

"Lieu-lieutenant?"

_No. Sergeant Fuery_.

"But-but I-what if I-"

Calm down, Ed! Sergeant Fuery is a capable man. He'll protect you.

But what if I slip into a panic?

Just don't.

Easy for you to say.

How? I _am_ you.

Dammit, I'm going _nuts!_

_Ed. Ed._

I reach out for Roy but he only taps on my chest, leaving my grasping hand unanswered.

_I should be back tonight_.

"I-I won't know when that-that is, you know."

_Kain will tell you._

"Did he see us-see us kiss?"

_Yes._

"He's here now?"

_Yes. I love you Ed, I have to go now_.

"Oh-okay." my hand falls to my side and I focus on a mental image of Roy leaving my hospital room. He pauses at the doorway to give me a reassuring smile-_and then a lusty wink!_ Geez even in my _imagination_ he's a pervert!

_Ed?_

I snap out of my reverie in reply to the name, looking around despite the uselessness of the action.

"Who?"

_You!_

"Yes that's my-my name. Who are _you?_"

_Oh, sorry. It's Kain!_

"S-slow down," I order, tapping my hand on an unknown surface just to demonstrate. "Too-too fast, do it like-like this."

_Sorry. I use Dorset code more than anyone else, I think. It comes as natural to me as speaking!_

He's still a bit fast with the pattern and more long-winded than I'd care for, but it's definitely Kain's personality and I can't bear to dash his good-natured chattiness.

"It-it's good to have a way to communicate." I relax my neck by rolling my head to the other side, my breathing evening out. "Jean and Heymans know Dorset-Dorset too right?"

_Yeah. Jean forgot half of it though, I think. I…_

Hell, I lost track. He's going too _fast_.

"S-sergeant please slow-slow _down_ I can't understand it."

_Call me Kain_.

"Kain." I smile, tapping my chest. "Tap slower and-and harder for the-for the dashes. I'm sorry, I'm still-still a little new-new to this."

_Sorry, Ed. Is this any better?_

"Way better," I confirm with a grin. "Now you-you have to tell me how everyone's been at work." I sense his enthusiasm to my right, so I shift my body slightly to get comfortable. "Spare no-no detail. I-I want to know _everything_."

_You got it, Ed! First I have to tell you about Heymans. You know he went on a diet and lost fifteen pounds! But then he went off and gained twenty…_

Fuery's tapping wavers back to rapid more than once, but he quickly adjusts it so that I can understand. It's a welcome constant anchor to this world, the present reality, and I wonder if Roy chose him as my watchdog for that reason. Not to mention his underestimated capability, and I feel safe even with my kidnapper still out there. I had forgotten to ask Roy about him in the midst of everything going on, but I'll find out later.

For the moment I just process the alternating patterns of light and heavy to my chest as they come.

It feels good to be a part of the world again.


	38. Chapter 38

_To Castianamicheals_: Eventually he will! In the fuuuuuture...  
_To shaatt_: Not at all! Fear not, Roy will be on Havoc's ass to brush up on Dorset.  
_To Spawn of Hades_: Kindles aren't typically made for ragefits. Please don't abuse the poor thing because I abuse Ed.

* * *

I had been made to stay at the hospital for only one night. I wonder if it was Roy's doing to get me back home so quickly.

It _is_ only a broken hand and fractured rib, right?

I wonder if they wanted to keep me there for psychiatric reasons.

It's not _my_ fault I slipped into a panic attack three times that night.

As soon as the Dorset stopped.

As soon as Kain fell asleep and fell on me.

And right after someone _moved_ me without telling me first.

Don't they understand what happened? It's like that PTSD for soldiers. I've seen that in action.

I was just _kidnapped_ and kind of tortured.

And _sexually_.

I still haven't told Roy.

We're in his car now as he drives us to his home. I have my head against the window so I can feel every bump on the road.

_Ed_.

"Yeah."

_I have a surprise at home for you._

"A sur-surprise?" I don't move, but I'm sure my curiosity is echoed in my tone.

_She is going to be careful of your rib, but Dr. Reed is making a house call_.

I mouth his words before I feel the vibration of vocalising them.

"Dr. Reed? Who is-who is she?"

_Dr. Stein_.

I suddenly choke on air at this new information.

"You mean my-my back doctor is-she's a _she?!_"

_Why does that surprise you?_

"I-I named him-I mean _her_-Dr. _Stein!_"

_Because she's a doctor of the spine_.

"Oh god she-she must think I'm a crazy person."

_She heard of you from your glory days. She already knew you were insane_.

"You-you encourage the exaggeration of my-of my mental instability, don't you," I replied glumly, putting a hand to my face.

_Of course not, Ed. I respect you too much to do that_.

I fall silent just as the car stops and can't help but smile. He keeps surprising me with how sweet and un-asshole-like he really can be.

He taps my arm in encouragement and I try my hand at the car door. I don't remember where the lever would be, but I run my hand across the panel in thorough strips until my hand snags on something. Giving a yank, the solid surface gives way, leaving me dangling in satisfied surprise as my seatbelt holds me back from hitting the ground.

"Score another one for _Elric!_"

* * *

Dr. Reed will be here soon! He told me she called just before she left.

I've gotten ready for her. I'm lying shirtless on the couch, my left arm under my head and right hand just above it.

"You know my-my back _does_ hurt a little."

There's a heavy pressure on my _ass_ that I can only assume is Roy leaning on it. Before I can complain, a tapping just on my back translates in my mind with little effort.

_Did he harm your back or did it just flare up?_

"Well I-I think it's a little of-of _both_. He didn't target-_target_ my back but he-he _did_ throw me around a lot."

_Is that how he broke your rib?_

"No, that was from kicking me."

A pressure on my back compresses my ribs and weighs on my lungs, causing an ache and labored breathing. Due to the absence of Dorset, I assume he's leaning on my back as well as my rear.

"Are-are you just being thoughtful," I wheeze; "Or are you _deliberately_ trying to-to suffocate me?"

The pressure is gone as soon as the words arrive, leaving a twinge of pain at the base of my spine.

_Sorry_.

"No you're-you're not, you're still on my ass!"

_It's just so comfortable_.

"I love you t-too but it hurts my-my back, get off."

_Are you just saying that to get me off?_

I open my mouth to answer, but I shut it to avoid walking into the trap of his phrasing. I endure the sudden pain as his weight shifts, gasping sharply before panting.

"Roy please, _off_. We can snuggle-snuggle later."

His weight leaves me and the twinge hits me again. I would be able to relax if not for the sudden association of _pain_ with the abduction and-

I can barely move. My hand is done for, I can't _use_ it, I can only use my left to defend myself.

My head, he slammed my _head_ into the wall again-

I lash out, my left hand connecting with something solid, I hope it's that _bastard_, then I roll onto my back to defend myself-

I fall to the floor and cry out as I jar my back and my rib, flooding me with adrenaline as I desperately try to back away and escape.

Where is he, where is he going to attack from next?!

My chest. He hits my chest and I scoot back defiantly, kicking upward with my leg but he's too fast and escapes the collision zone.

He tries to hit me again but it's gentler this time; I grab his wrist with my left hand and twist down, threatening to snap it. I follow through on my threat, imagining the pain as I press harder despite the ineffective hits placed to my chest-

I'm suddenly torn away by a second assailant behind me. They make the mistake of taking me by the ribs and leaving my arms free-

My right arm flies back, the surprisingly painless hand colliding with them.

In only moments I find myself pinned horizontally, arms and leg restrained. The hits return to my chest in a distantly familiar pattern.

_Tap, thump-tap-tap._ _Tap, thump-tap-tap._

_Ed?_ That's Dorset, right?

_Tap, thump-tap-tap._

Yeah, that's Dorset. But why...?

Horror washes over me as yesterday and today return to my memory and I realize where I _am_ and what had _happened_.

Oh god, I was fighting Roy. I went back to a place I want to _forget_ and Roy tried to-

I was _fighting_ him.

"Roy," I cry, reaching out with my good hand for him. I shudder out tears of regret as I try to sit up. "Roy I'm so sorry-"

_Ed. Calm down, we're okay_.

We?

Oh no there _were_ two people here with me-

"Who did I hit?"

_She's fine, Ed. Relax_.

Dr. Stein.

She came to heal my pain and I slammed my _casted hand_ into her.

"Doctor," I gasp, clutching my hands to my chest as I slip further into my panic. "I'm-I'm so-so sorry I-are-are you o-okay?"

_Nod_.

"Where-where did I hit you?"

_She's fine, Ed. Don't worry about it_.

"_Where_ did I _hit her?!_"

* * *

Ed hollered his question angrily, the alchemist professionally transmuting his panic into anger. He glared at empty air until Dr. Reed sighed in defeat, picking up on her presence and turning his angry eyes to her, their primary emotion turning to concern moments later.

"Please, just tell him."

Roy gazed at the red mark on her cheek and placed his hand to Ed's chest, tapping out the message.

"Her-her _face?!_"

_Her cheek. She's uninjured, Ed_.

"She came here for me and I hit her," he whined in a strangled voice.

_She knows you didn't mean it. I told her about what happened._

"But Roy she's-she's here to help _me_ and I _hit_ her!"

"Tell him a bruise on the face is fine with me. As long as I can crack bones, I don't mind!"

Roy relayed the message to the overstressed blond, relieved when Ed cracked a grin.

"You're-you're really not upset?"

Dr. Reed shook Ed's head gently, unable to resist pulling him into a hug when she saw his nervous smile.

"I-I'm sorry Dr. Reed, is there any-anything I can do to make-to make it up to you?"

"He knows my real name?"

"I told him earlier."

"Well, tell him to make it up to me, he can just keep calling me Dr. Stein!"

Roy hesitated before tapping the message to Ed, his own question voiced by the younger man.

"What? Wh-why?"

"I feel honored to have been named! Besides, it's such a cool name."

Roy tapped the reply to Ed's chest, earning a silly giggle from him. Surprising both, Ed grabbed Roy and tapped a message into his chest, his reply completely hidden from Dr. Reed. Roy stared at him incredulously.

"Really, Ed?"

"What? What did he say?"

_I'm gonna tell her_, Roy tapped to Ed, grinning when he reacted with red-faced embarrassment.

"No no don't-don't _tell_ her!"

"He said he wondered if you have any-"

"You're not _telling_ her are you?! Roy!"

"Any friends or relatives named-"

"Roy hey _c'mon_ she'll think I'm _nuts!_"

"Named Frank because together you'll be-"

"_Roy!_"

"-Frank and Stein."

Ed grew silent, picking up on the sudden shift in energy as Dr. Reed put a hand to her mouth to stifle her snickers and giggles.

"That is _too cute_-" she managed to get out between mad giggling, watching Ed's face turn beet-red.

"Why did you _tell_ her Roy I'm gonna kick your _ass!_"

_Wouldn't you rather kiss it?_

Preferring to keep their chat private, Ed tapped his reply into Roy's chest, fingers almost shaking from embarrassment.

_You are such a damn pervert._

_I never hear you complain when I go after your ass._

Ed grew silent for a moment, his introspective expression slowly changing to disgust and fear.

"Ed?"

"No," he gasped quietly as he crossed his arms over his chest, looking as though he was trying to curl up and disappear. Roy's gentle touch earned not a defiant swipe but a terrified flinch.

"Edward! What's wrong with you?" Roy tapped into Ed's chest again but he wasn't having it. He tore away every time, backing away on the floor as he struggled not to cry. He only froze and returned to reality when his head was tilted back for an imaginary kiss.

"R-Roy?"

_Yes. Ed, what was that about?_

"I..." _Ask me when we're alone._

_...Okay. Are you ready for the chiropractor?_

"Oh so _this_ is what chiropractic is!" Ed suddenly exclaimed, interrupting the tense silence humorously. "Yeah okay doc bring it-bring it _on!_"

"I have to say that Edward is one of my favorite patients," Dr. Reed remarked, gently rubbing the muscles along his spine to help relax him after the tense events just minutes earlier.

"What, and I'm not?" Roy asked in mock insult.

"You're not one of my patients."

"Judging by how much Ed enjoys his appointments with you, I believe I should be."

"I'd be more than happy to take you on as a patient," she replied cheerfully, cracking Ed's back.

"Hey Dr. Stein do you want to come live with us," Ed murmured dreamily, stretching comfortably under her touch. "You don't hafta worry-worry about living with two men cause we're both _gay_."

"_Ed_." Roy put a hand to his face as Dr. Reed laughed so hard she had to pause in cracking Ed's back.

Even through his relaxed bliss, Ed picked up on Roy's reaction and revealed it with his trademark shit-faced grin.

"He's always a handful, isn't he?"

"If you only knew."

* * *

Despite Ed being so relaxed that he was nearly napping, he picked up on Roy walking Dr. Reed to the front door and bolted to them, sliding to a stop inches from his partner.

"Ed?" Roy watched him curiously as he nervously hesitated.

"Have you come to see me off?" Dr. Reed cheerfully asked, surprised when Ed's golden eyes turned to her in reply.

"Thank you for coming-for coming to do me. My-my back!" He blushed as his fingers fidgeted nervously. "I-I like it when I see you." Before either could speak, he stepped forward and pulled her into a gentle hug.

"You are too sweet," she said softly, wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

"Not according to Roy," Ed replied with a snicker, realizing he'd responded to her words with uncanny accuracy when the hug disappeared and he was turned and taken in a different set of hands when Roy grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Uh-h-hey, who is that? Roy?"

_Nod_.

"I just replied-replied to a feeling. Did I do it right?"

_As well as if you'd heard her words._

"This sixth sense _is_ pretty neat," Ed grinned, holding out his hand for Dr. Reed. "I-I hope I didn't freak-freak you out _too_ much!"

"It is his specialty," Roy added.

"And he's even more fun for it. I've always been a sucker for troublemakers." She obliged Ed by shaking his hand, positively melting from his satisfied grin.

"You have yet to live with one."

Ed followed them to the door as Dr. Reed left, stopping right in the doorway in time for a cold gust of autumn air to blow in and chill him to the bone.

"Is-is it winter now?"

_Almost_.

"You-you have a fireplace right?"

_Of course. Come inside._

"I mean you-you don't have to light it _now_ but when it starts to get cold-get colder out we might _need_ it."

_I know_.

Roy sat them both on the couch facing each other, Ed's left hand in his right as he began tapping the Dorset with his free hand.

_I know this won't be easy, Ed. Take your time_.

He saw the unease in Ed's expression and posture as he continued.

_Tell me what happened when you were kidnapped._


	39. Chapter 39

I'm glad you guys like Dr. Reed! Not trying to sound cool or anything, but I mostly based her personality off of mine, haha. Only she's taller and prettier and makes way more money than me. I:  
And I thrive on reviews. I refresh the review page more than is healthy, haha. Thanks for all of the awesome reviews guys! ❤

* * *

I know his hand is in mine, I can feel it squeeze as I lower my head and hesitate to speak.

Can he really blame me? It's not something that I can just explain like a new alchemic method. It's…

_Tap, thump-tap-tap. Tap-tap-tap-tap, tap, thump-tap-thump-thump._

I sigh and pull my hand away from his, carefully crawling forward until I gently bump into him. Turning my body, I nestle into his embrace and lean back against the comfort of his breathing.

"I-I can't tell you what happened," I begin shakily, "if I'm sitting a-alone. Because I-" I pause to take in a deep breath and steady myself. "I was sitting alone on-on the floor and I, I didn't know-didn't know when the next attack was-was going to come."

His arm slides around my waist to hold me comfortingly in place.

_I'm listening_.

"I thought it was you," I blurt, clutching at the arm he has around me. "When-when he came into the house. But my hand-" I lift my right hand up, feeling it ache painfully at the memory. "It already hurt and-and he _slammed_ it to the floor-"

_Ed, calm down. I'm right here._

I'm breathing fast and heavy and I've just begun to explain the event to Roy. How will I tell him what happened just before I escaped?

"S-sorry. I...he kicked me and then I-he must have knocked me out because when I-I came _aware_ again he kept-" I inhaled sharply, gently tapping his hand on my injured rib. "Kicking over and _over_ and then he hit my head and I tried to fight back..."

He understands my need for a moment of reprieve, undoubtedly thankful that I'm managing to regale the tale without breaking down again.

"I must have been making too much noise because he stuffed something in my mouth to gag me-"

I could feel the sudden change around me, as though he _knew_. His arm squeezes around my middle and I clutch at it like a lifeline.

"You-you've seen it, haven't you," I whisper. "That's where you-when you left me with-with the Lieu-Lieutenant."

_Nod_.

"Was he there? Did-did you catch him?"

I figured he had been long gone-

_You're safe. Don't worry_.

"He-he can't get to me?"

_No_.

I exhale in shaky relief, relaxing in his supportive arms.

I don't want to keep talking, I don't _want_ to relive what happened. I know I owe it to him though, as he's the one who cares for me during all of the panic attacks, takes all of the _abuse_ I dole out… and loves me despite all of it.

I owe it to him because that's what people who _love_ each other do. Care for each other's complete health.

"I love you," I murmur, holding his arm tightly as I allow myself to slip into the horror of that night.

I tell him about the kicking and how my body had been thrown around on the floor and against the wall, how I was rolled and flipped and disoriented until my back was in so much pain that I couldn't fight back as well but I never _quit_. I never let that bastard see me break, I never gave in.

"Until-"

_Ed?_

I know he can feel my shaking. _I _can feel it, and I'm in his arms. He tries to nudge me into speaking again, but I just-

I don't know, I feel stupid for feeling _bad_ about it. I mean, sure, I'm a _virgin_ and it's _new_ to me but is that really something to get all freaked out over the way I did? After all, I do live with a _man_ and would call myself gay now, but…

I feel so _emasculated_ for what happened and maybe I shouldn't. Nothing _really_ bad happened, he just-

He's shaking me. I'm panicking again and writhing in his arms as though trying to get out of my own skin. My elbow shoots back out of reflex and slams against his chest, his sudden grip on my own injured rib causing me to freeze from the pain.

"I'm sorry," I cry weakly, settling into his stilled embrace. "I-I just-he-I'm being such a-such a-" I grapple for the arm that he'd torn away from my hand, then release it as soon as it's given to me. I try to get up but he holds me in place. "No, just-just let me go, I-I don't-_you_ don't-I'm-I'm making a big deal out of-out of _nothing_."

He's nudging me again, but I don't want to say any more. He taps my chest to tell me that whatever it is, he supports how I feel about it and he just wants to _know_. But I can't-

How do I tell him that I was _raped?_

Would he ever look at me the same way? Would he still want to hold me like he's doing now? Would he _chide_ me for acting so ridiculously upset about just another physical attack?

_Edward. Ed. Ed. Edward!_

"No," I gasp, shaking my head. I try to get away from him, I don't want to _tell_ him, it'll be easier to just not burden him with it. I manage to squirm out of his arms, but in the struggle to escape, I only fall to the floor and react to the sharp pain in my knee as the lingering bruise jolts pain through my body.

My annoyingly _achy_ body.

That's all right, no matter _how_ much pain I'm in, I'll never show him any weakness.

I release a feral snarl and tear away as he tries to grab my arm.

He tries to pick me up by the ribs, but I shove him away, escaping yet again.

I'll _never_ break, you bastard! Gag me and beat me all you want!

The new touch to my ass sends a fresh kind of fear through me, one I can't explain that makes me fight even harder to try and escape.

"No, _no!_" I thrash around, trying to get _him_ out of me, to tear away and get free of the inescapable feeling of _penetration_ that lingers-

A rough blow to the head puts me in a daze, and despite the horror that I had just been reliving, I return to full awareness in a relatively peaceful horizontal position. As soon as the feeling returns to my lower body and I begin to squirm, a tapping appears on my chest.

_Ed. What the hell happened to you?_

Roy.

Dread grips me as I realize what he'd _seen_, that he knows I'm not telling him something crucial. Can he blame me?

"I-I'm afraid you'll think I'm-I'm over-overreacting," I admit. "That maybe it-it's just because I-"

_What, Ed?_

"I mean it's just-it _barely_ hurt but-"

He pries further as the words catch in my throat yet again.

I feel so full of shame for succumbing to something so minor. I release his arm, fearing he'll only push me away when I finally tell him what happened.

_Ed._

"Well I-"

_A little more, Ed._

"_Dammit!_" I smack my head with my hands as I try to grasp it and get a _grip_ on my weakened disposition. "I'm being such a-such a goddamn _wuss!_ All because he-he stuck-I don't know _what_ he-he used but he-he stuck-he put-something _in_ me, Roy I'm sorry, he shoved it right up my a-my-my-he _raped_ me I-"

Just as I break down into sobs, just as I need him _most_, he disappears. I'm shoved to the empty end of the couch and the cushions shift as his weight leaves.

He _left_ me.

* * *

Roy had been pleadingly supportive of Ed's struggle to explain the traumatic event. He was laying all of his patience into weaseling out the point in the kidnapping that Ed had been hedging on and trying to avoid, despite having caused the most psychological damage.

Roy almost wished he'd left Ed keep it a secret.

"-he _raped _me I-"

Raped?

"_Rape?_"

Roy leapt to his feet, unable to control his anger. It was all he could do to make sure Ed didn't fall off the couch in his upchuck of fury before he stormed away to burn off his _rage_.

"I don't care _how_ much someone kicks your ass," Roy growled to the absence around him; "you don't _rape_ someone who can't defend themselves!"

He stormed back into the living room, snapping his fingers to ignite a loud and hot explosion in the fireplace as it roared to life. He turned to Ed as she sobbing blond cried out from the sudden alchemical and explosive energy rupture.

"Edward," Roy sighed, his anger deflating as the strong man in front of him broke apart faster than a dime-store puzzle. He walked forward to take Ed into his arms again, always willing to pick up the pieces and put him back together.

Though surprised by how quickly Ed latched onto him, he could understand why. Ed needed him now, silent or tappity, just for support.

"Roy," Ed gasped, turning his fearful golden eyes upward in the futile search for Roy. "Do-do you-... D-do you think I'm-um-overreacting?"

_No_.

"But I-" he grit his teeth, bowing his head as he hesitated. His grip on Roy never wavered. "It was just-just one more physical attack and-and I can't _explain_ it-why it-but it was-"

_Violation_.

Roy finished for Ed when he went silent, pulling the shaking man into his arms.

He didn't know if he could help Ed get over this. Not quickly enough, _never _quickly enough, any moment longer that Ed suffered was too much for Roy to bear.

He knew plenty of politics and the suffering of war, but rape had never been a part of Roy's life or something encountered in his job. He didn't know who to trust with Ed's _secret_ to aid him in overcoming the pain.

"I love you," Ed said again, his deathly grasp on Roy's shirt stretching it to complete ruin. He sounded so broken, so _compliant_. So unlike Edward, and it tore at Roy's heart.

_I love you too, Edward. I'm sorry that you have to suffer for this_.

"Why is it haunting me?" He whined, burying himself against Roy for comfort.

_Something very personal was taken from you_.

"It sh-shouldn't have bothered me more than-more than a kick to the-to the _ribs_ godammit!"

Roy laid down with Ed in his arms, holding him securely and willing to help him through the tumult in his abused spirit.

"Y-you didn't ask me how-how I escaped," Ed sniffled, his grip on Roy lessened only slightly.

_No, I didn't. Tell me_.

"I escaped _myself_," Ed replied, the pride audible in his voice helping to stave off the unpleasant memory of the personal violation. "I'm the _Fullmetal Alchemist_ and I-I used a sound-sound explosion. I never used it be-before, but he never came after me, so it-it must have worked. Was he still unconscious when-when you got to him?"

"Unconscious," Roy sighed, the memory of the dead and bloodied man fresh in his mind.

Could he tell Ed? No, not yet. Not while he was still dealing with the fresh hell of the rape.

_You haven't lost your touch. He wasn't going to get up any time soon._

Ed grinned triumphantly, snuggling with Roy more comfortably. Due to lack of feeling, he was completely unaware as Roy used the blanket to wipe away the drying tears on his face.

_See Ed, you're still strong. You still kick ass. No matter what he did to you, it's not permanent. You'll bounce back._

Ed's eyes were half-closed as he processed the Dorset, his mouth moving slowly in repetition. He sighed, a hint of a smile visible.

"I know. I just wish I-I didn't have to _deal_ with it."

_Whenever you do, I'll be right here with you_.

"And-and what about work?"

_I'll be with you._

"You'd take off-off of work? For me?" Ed frowned. "But you-"

_Everybody misses you, Ed. And everybody at HQ knows Dorset. I think a reunion is in order!_

Ed froze in realization that _Roy_ intended to take _him_ to work.

It wasn't the fact that Ed was so much _less_ than he used to be that bothered him.

He would have to face _everybody_.

He feared for his life.

He would have to face _Major Armstrong_.


	40. Chapter 40

40th chapter! Then again they're so short that I can't go by number. I judge the success and awesomeness of this story by how much you all love it. Thanks guys. This story almost stayed just a tale in my head.

_To gaap237_: I'm not alone! Haha. And no, I post each chapter as I write it. The original version of this story had Ed never regaining any of his senses and at the end...well, it was a bit more of a stab in the heart. Not a happy ending. You guys have influenced me to make it a happier story. :D  
_To Taisiya Yuyu_: Of course it'll be stressful. He's not over the kidnapping or what happened during it. But Ed has always blossomed in the face of adversity and drawn on others around him to help him through. Roy knows this will be good for him.

* * *

I don't think I'm ready to go to HQ yet. It's not even Armstrong, either. I know Roy wants to help speed my _mental_ recovery with socialization, but… I don't want to _break down_ around other people. It's embarrassing enough around _him_, and already Riza and Kain and Dr. Stein have seen it, but I…

People at the military remember me for my strength. Kain told me I'm inspiration to a lot of them.

What if they all see me breaking apart in front of them? What kind of image would they have then?

Roy pulls a second shirt over my head after the first. I grumble about being overdressed, but his patiently tapped reply is '_Late autumn, cold out_' as he fiddles around with the front.

"Is this a-a button-up shirt?"

_Nod_.

"What color?"

_Light blue_.

"And my pants?"

_Yes, they do look nice on your ass_.

"Roy don't _make_ me knee you right in the-"

He silences me with a sudden kiss, reminding me of his attraction to my disagreeable personality. What a _sap_.

"I love you too, asshole," I mutter once I'm able to breathe again. He pokes me between my uninjured ribs and I resist my strong urge to _punch_ the smartass.

_I need more warm clothes for you. We can go shopping later._

"Endless hours of you dress-dressing and _undressing_ me? Pass."

_I could alchemize you some new outfits. I'm not very good at making clothing though._

"I was great at it," I mutter, batting away his hands as he fumbles with my head. "Before I lost my _eyes_."

_Hat_, is his only reply as I feel the pressure on my neck and movement of my head once more. He taps my hand against my head, and already I feel warmer.

"What, no scarf?" I mutter, but am rewarded with one moments later. Me and my big mouth. "It can't be that-_that_ cold out!" I wheeze as he wraps it around again and ties it a bit tightly. "Looser, looser!"

He's still next to me, right? Can he hear my request? It's too tight, it's compressing my throat uncomfortably.

"Roy?" My back hits the wall from maybe one whole inch away as I lose my balance thanks to his desire to add _shoes_ to the mix. One foot, then two, then _another_ top as he puts a third layer on me. This must be the coat. "Roy, the scarf-the scarf is too tight."

_It's not even hugging your neck_.

"Can't you _loosen_ it?"

_Any looser and it'll be off_.

I frown and reach up, pressing my hand against my neck curiously. I can't feel my hand or the scarf, _hell_ this is annoying.

Am I just _imagining_ the constriction? I feel my breathing grow easier as no more hands touch it.

_Great_. It's all in my mind. I'm even more mentally unstable than I thought.

_Ed?_

"Well are we-are we _going?_"

_Yes._

As he leads me outside I feel my body temperature drop, despite the warmth he'd layered me in. Some invisible force pushes me to the side and threatens to land me right on my broken hand, but Roy's quick reflex keeps me upright.

"What-what the hell was _that?_"

_Strong winds._

"I was almost knocked over by the _wind?_"

_You are pretty small and light_.

Support or not, I threw that punch and socked him one.

"_Call me short again and see what happens!_"

We stop moving despite still being upright, and I wonder if I did more damage than I realize.

Well he shouldn't _tempt_ me like that!

"Roy hey-hey, let's go, I'm cold."

Within minutes we're in the car, the wind unable to slice through me further. I shiver and hug the door after he belts me in safely, always craving support to ground me in this sightless world.

_Are you okay?_

I smile and lean my head against the window. I wish I could feel the cold glass.

"Yeah. Just miss sight. I'm fine."

_Even though they can't see..._

He trails off, leaving me curious and prodding for the rest.

"Roy? Roy, what were-were you going to say?"

_...your eyes are still beautiful_.

"Now I _know_ you're gay," I snicker. "That's too-too sappy for the Colonel."

_Men aren't allowed to voice their attraction?_

"Not using a word like that!"

_Why not?_

"Well it's-" I stop talking as I have no valid reason to argue. Am I being homophobic? No, just stereotypical. Well, if _he_ can be sappy then so can I. "...It's perfect from you."

* * *

I know Roy tried to get me to wear a military uniform. He was getting dressed for work _upstairs_ while I was drinking my breakfast in the kitchen and I _felt _the alchemy. I don't know how I knew that he altered one of his uniforms to my size, but I did. I called him out on it just after my bath and he admitted it.

I can't wear one of those, I'm not _in_ the military now! Not to mention I never liked the looks of them anyway.

The car stops and he escorts me out of it like a gentleman. I hope I display dignity on my visit to HQ.

Not that I ever did before, but...

Heheh.

Oh, we stopped. Why are we stopping? I await patiently for movement or orders. Like a soldier. _Sigh_.

_Ed, we have a long stairway to climb. Will you be okay?_

"Of _course_ I will! I've-I've ran up these things _plenty_ of times already!"

_Pace yourself, humble one_.

"Pace _this_." I jolt forward before he can stop me, forgetting my dignity as I rush toward the stairs. Oh shit, I don't know where they _are_-

My foot hits the bottom step and I fly forward, throwing my left hand out. It connects painfully with the diagonal stairs before my face has a chance to and I shove off, scrambling on my way up the stairs like a three-legged dog before I catch my footing and I'm running up just like I used to.

I slow down because I'm-I'm _tiring _easily and this is _annoying_-but before he can get to me I trip again, hit the stairs, and start to roll backwards.

I cry out in panic, clutching my hands to my chest as I try to keep them from harm. My left wrist is sore now thanks to practically _landing_ on it minutes ago when I began my ascent-

I can't afford to have them _both _broken, I'm so _reckless_-

And motionless.

Two strong arms are holding me safe in seemingly midair, only the heels of my feet touching solid ground. I dare not move and upset his precarious balancing act.

"R-Roy?" I only relax as he stands me upright before nodding my head. "...Sorry. I kind of-um, ran ahead…"

_I noticed_.

"Are we almost at the top?"

_Not even close._

I groan and hang my head, offering my arm for him to lead me. Surprisingly, he doesn't take my wrist; he hooks my arm in his.

Is this his proclamation of us being a couple? Or is it easier to keep me upright this way?

_Is_ our relationship public? Hell, I never asked him if anyone else knew!

I should probably ask him before we make it all the way inside. I can focus on Dorset once we're completely horizontal and off these exhausting _stairs_.

Seriously, are we almost _there?_ I'm getting tired.

_Pathetic_.

Shut up, I haven't had a chance to work out recently.

Only with Al, and lack of energy whupped your ass before _he_ could.

And then you didn't eat much… and got kidnapped and beaten-

"How much _further?_"

_We're halfway up._

"Only halfway?!" I whine, slamming on my brakes and stopping him as well.

_Ed? You said you could make it_.

"I'm _fine!_ Just need a-a _break_."

_Not as easy as it used to be?_

"I'm out of shape."

_I can tell_.

Before I ask what he means, he presses on my abdomen. I can feel my organs compress under his touch, but it's not the uncomfortable visceral pressure that bothers me.

"Roy I'm not-" I grasp his arm a bit too tightly. "I-I can't see or feel it and-and I don't _know_ if-I mean-did-did I-Roy did I put on _weight?_"

His arm jerks in mine as he starts shaking. _Why?_ Are you _laughing?_ I give it a yank, nearly taking us both back down to level ground.

"_Roy!_"

_No, Ed. You're a little underweight right now. Your muscles are less defined than they used to be_.

"Underweight?" I repeat confusedly. "But-but _why?_"

_Last week was hell, that's why. Break's over, Ed. Up the stairs._

"Dammit."

We finally make it up the stairs and I have to clutch at him with both arms as my balance suddenly reverses itself and I feel like I'm going to fall. Black invades the white of my vision and swirls around for barely a second before everything is normal again, leaving me leaning my full body weight against Roy for support.

He shakes me in concern, but I don't know what happened either. I have a _theory_.

"Roy I-I think I need water. Last week _was_ hell and-and with the dry air I-I think I'm a little de-dehydrated."

_Not to mention overexertion_.

"You callin' me weak?" I challenge testily.

_Just a little… __**short**_ _on energy._

That bastard-

He _accentuated_ the word _short_ by hitting harder than normal!

I take a step forward with him, whip my leg out, and _drop_ him on his ass easily.

Senses or not, I've proven with Alphonse that I _can_ fight. And Mustang's a much easier target than my little brother!

Free of his grasp, I walk forward to where I assume the main building is. He has yet to join me, so either he's waiting to see if I _can_ make it there alone… or I knocked him unconscious again.

Oh _hell_. For such a hard head, he's so easy to knock out!

"Roy?"

_Here, Ed_.

"Well don't-don't leave me _guessing_." I keep walking, course-correcting subconsciously and stopping just before reaching the door. I can pick up on his amazement, but there's a presence of another that's a bit unsettling.

Wait, there's guards here, aren't there?

"Roy? We're not alone right?"

_No_.

"Guards?"

_Yes._

"Well they _know_ you let's go in." Without waiting for him or them, I barge forward… and walk right into the door.

God_damn_ it I have no _dignity_ like this! Why didn't he _stop_ me? Surely he can react fast enough to stop an invalid!

I'm so used to being able to act on my impatience. Ever since I've been sensory deprived however, I've had to wait on others or suffer risks of accidents.

_Ed. Ed, calm down._

Breathing. My breathing is too fast, I'm starting to panic. It's okay, he caught me, I can do this.

After all, he's the exception. He taught me how to live, almost on my own, in his home. I can run around his house as fast as I want, _do_ what I want, and not worry. Because he's a constant in my life. Roy and his home are there for me, always ready to be my unwavering support.

He takes me by the arm and taps a message to my chest, but I wasn't paying attention and missed it. It wasn't long, so it probably wasn't _too_ important.

"I'm okay. Let's go in."

_Do you remember the way to my office?_

"Didn't-didn't you get a promotion yet?"

_Offered, didn't take_.

"Why _not?_"

_Not conducive to my ambitions_.

"No help with-with Ishvar?"

_It would have led me straight to Creta_.

I'm leading Roy to his office, his hand on my right wrist as I feel along the wall with my left. The feeling is annoyingly crude, but it's enough to stick to the edge of the hall and keep my bearings about me.

Until someone _runs into me!_

All three of us go down, Roy luckily sparing my hand from impact. I wish he had done the same for my head. _Ow_.

"Nurse," I say airily, releasing a moan. Oh, my _head_. As if I wasn't dizzy enough. "Water please…"

_Ed. Ed are you okay? Ed. Ed!_

"Dazed," I reply hesitantly, reaching out for his hand. "Sit not stand, dizzy. Nurse where's my water?"

_Do I need to worry about delirium, Ed?_

"I'm not-not delirious. Who ran into us?"

He taps the name into my chest, but for some reason I don't believe him due to some of my lesser remembered letters and I ask for a repeat.

... -.-. -.. .. . ... -.- .-

"Sczieska? The-the bookworm?"

_Be nice. You're a bookworm too._

"Not anymore!" I reply in my characteristic smartass tone, resisting his urged to pull me to my feet. "Sczieska? You know Dorset right?"

A long pause, then a nod. I wonder if Roy nodded me or he was explaining to her.

The tapping on my chest is really slow and hesitant with some longer pauses in the middle of letters that cause me to confuse them and ask for repeats of seemingly gibberish.

_How are you Ed?_

I smile and tell her that I'm faring well despite my lack of senses. I send Roy off for water and scoot back against the wall before continuing my conversation with her, asking if she knew of my disability already. It's not easy to decode her reply, but she is slowly improving in speed and coherency as she gains confidence.

_Yes. Most people know what happened. Some think you're dead._

"Really?" I frown uneasily, holding my right hand insecurely to my abdomen. "Why dead? And-and how do they know what-what happened?"

_Nobody saw you for over a year after the coup. On that day though, word of your condition spread._

"So-so _everybody_ knows?" I whine self-consciously.

_Only friends know you did it for your brother. Everyone else thinks you became crippled due to fighting the coup_.

"Crippled?" I gasp out, trying to keep my breathing steady. Sure, _I'd_ become accustomed to being physically disabled, but to be referred to by others-_thought_ of by others-as crippled… I always wanted to show strength despite my handicaps in the past, and now-

_Different people think different things. Some think you're just blind, others deaf. Some people think you're in a coma for life_.

"And some think I'm-I'm _mentally_ handicapped don't they?!" I snap bitterly, _feeling_ her shrink back out of nervous shock. I cross my arms and hold them to my chest, fighting off the feelings of _panic_ to try and save what's left of my fractured public image.

There's no Dorset, no touch. I'm sitting quietly on the floor again, fighting my own mind. Roy, dammit, I'm so dependent on you; it doesn't take _that_ long to bring back water!

The familiar tapping on my chest tells me Roy has returned. Unfortunately, I learn from his message that I've been _crying_.

"Are-are people staring?"

_You can't sense them?_

You bastard. You may as well have said _yes_.

"Give me the-the goddamn _water_." I hold my hands out, asking if there's a straw in the cup.

_I put one in the bottle_.

I can't discern a cup from a bottle. Disability made fully public: accomplished!

I down the water rapidly, thrusting the _bottle_ back into his hands before scrambling to my feet. There's only a slight dizziness this time before I pause, steady my turmoil of emotions, and begin walking on autopilot.

My walking is haphazard and my path swerving, jerky and halting. I _feel_ fine, and the first time I try to smooth my trajectory, I walk into someone. _Oh_. My sixth sense is keeping me upright and moving in a crowded hallway.

Well, that's one score for my image.

Maybe I can improve it while I'm here. Just no more _crying_ or breaking apart in front of people.

Oops, I never said goodbye to Sczieska. Or apologized to her. I request to Roy that we visit her later. I'm not sure that he hears me, as I haven't felt him since I got up and walked off, but I feel a faint pressure on my shoulder and know that he squeezed it.

Even for all of the fire in my personality, for all of the disagreeableness I suffer and make _others_ suffer... he knows how to melt my heart.

He _is_ the Flame Alchemist. Fire melts stuff, Ed.

Shut up, you're not ruining my happiness with prideful rationality.

I feel we're close to his office. I don't know how he feels about our relationship and public affection, but you can't deny a blind man guidance, can you? I pause in my walking and reach out for him, pride flooding through me when I feel the painful squeeze in my left hand.

He's here with me. _For _me. To support and love me.

I lead him into his office, a special bounce to my step that I haven't felt in a long time. And for the first time, I don't feel grounded in reality, but I couldn't be happier.


	41. Chapter 41

_To MantaCat_: Ed's got a public image (and pride) to uphold, and he really wants to look good in the eyes of his friends at HQ. No pressure.

_To Taisiya Yuyu_: Roy wanted to dress up Ed in the uniform because he'd never seen Ed in one. Ed has been discharged due to disability, so the uniform would only be for style. Which Ed does not yet agree to, lol

_To guest_: Ed was actually sitting on the floor out of choice, so he could peacefully 'sit and chat' with Sczieska. But I love how you described the comparison of their minds!

* * *

As soon as we get into the office I feel eyes on me. I'm still nervous, despite Roy always alleviating my fears.

I'm not fat, I'm clean and shaven, I'm dressed nicely and my hair is back in a ponytail like I had worn in the past.

Even with this knowledge, I shrink in the presence of friends, wondering what they think of me now compared to the man I was before I went off the deep end.

I slide my right arm nervously behind my back, my body uncharacteristically tense as I stand there and just _wait_ for what chaos may happen next.

* * *

"Sergeant Fuery, have you explained the rules of engagement?" Roy asked his youngest charge after setting them all at ease.

"Ah, yes sir! I've drilled them with all of your instruction."

"Very good. I want to hear those rules, men!"

"Identify yourself with Dorset as you begin talking to him, and every time someone different speaks to him," Havoc began.

"One person speaking to him at a time," Breda continued.

"Don't talk too fast for him," Fuery added nervously.

"No sudden hugs or touches. Is he still bothered by the kidnapping?"

"It's only been three days, Havoc," Roy chided, glancing at the man. "I don't know how long it will bother him or what will set him off. Please avoid touching his right hand as pain can trigger unpleasant memories."

"That's really a bummer," Breda said as he approached the couple. He raised a brow as Ed's thoughtful eyes lifted and then turned to him before his head followed.

"He-hello?"

"How's he doing that?"

"With the loss of his main senses, he seems to be able to tap into his 'sixth sense' and just _know_ things around him. It can be really eerie sometimes," Roy muttered.

"Are you guys _studying_ me?" Ed asked, voicing his displeasure. He reached out rather quickly, his left hand freezing when it connected with Breda's belly. "Oh. Sorry, who-who did I hit?"

"Go ahead, tap your answer into his chest." Roy tapped a short example message to Ed-

_Right in the stomach._

-To which Ed frowned uneasily.

"Well _who?_"

Breda stepped forward and began tapping the Dorset, watching Ed's face as it turned from unease to focus.

_Heymans_.

Only then did Ed break out into a grin. "Heymans? Well no wonder right in the stomach, biggest part of him."

"That's the first thing he says to me after he hasn't seen me in so long?" Breda disgruntledly replied to Ed's humored comment.

_I have been trying to lose weight you know._

"Shit-did I say that out _loud?_" Ed shrank back, clutching Roy's arm nervously. "I'm-I'm sorry Heymans sometimes I-I think out loud..."

_And the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of me is how big I am, huh?_

"Well-I-I um-you-you _are!_"

Breda grinned and clapped Ed on the shoulder.

_Relax. Trying to lose weight for health, not image. I know I'm a big guy. Ladies love it!_

Ed reached forward and shoved Breda back in annoyance despite the grin on his face.

"Smartass."

_Don't talk as much as you used to?_

"Well I-I just learned to hear through Dorset-through Dorset so I haven't had much of a-of a _reason_ to talk."

_I can't see you as the quiet type. You were always so loud._

"Well if people just _listened!_" Ed yelled haughtily, earning laughter from everyone. "And weren't such-such _idiots!_"

_Why do you stutter?_

"Why do I-what?" Ed looked taken aback, his grip on Roy's arm tightening. "Did-did you say _stutter?_"

Though he had been talking to Havoc, Roy clued into Ed's conversation just in time to hear the pained disbelief in Ed's voice.

"Heymans, why would you bring that up?!"

"Someone was bound to! I thought he knew it!"

"_No_ he doesn't-"

"I stutter?" Ed wheezed, gripping Roy's arm tightly enough to cut off the blood supply. "But-but I thought that-that I spoke just _fine_. Roy why-why didn't you _tell_ me?" He yanked on Roy's arm and nearly pulled them both to the floor, but Roy's irritation at the situation disappeared as he saw the frantic _anger_ in those blind golden eyes.

_It's a side effect of being deaf. It's not something to worry about-_

"Like _hell_ it's not!" he yelled in reply, tearing himself away from Roy. "You should have _told _me! I-I could have _worked_ on it! I must sound like-like a com-complete _idiot!_"

_Work on it how? You can't feel your mouth_.

"That's cold, Mustang," Ed growled, shoving Roy's arm away. "You know how-how strong and de-_determined_ I am. We could have done it!"

Not _I _could have done it, _we_ could have done it. Roy didn't miss the sound of pleading and betrayal in Ed's voice.

"We would have figured it out," Ed whined, hugging his arms to his chest insecurely. "Hell is-is there any part of me that _isn't_ broken?"

_Come on Ed, you're not broken. You're the strongest person we know!_

Ed stumbled back from the sudden Dorset, eyes wide. That wasn't a tapping pattern from anyone that he recognized.

_Yo Ed, sorry. Jean here!_

"Havoc?" he asked in surprise, his fiery anger all but extinguished. "You-you mean that?"

_Of course. So you stutter. You're still way smarter than anyone in this room. And you got the Colonel to go domestic!_

Ed blushed madly, socking Havoc square in the face. "That implies _I'm_ domestic too you _asshole!_"

_Wouldn't say domestic_, Havoc replied as he stood and held his head. _Just a violent girlfriend_.

"_What did you call me?!_" Ed yelled just short of screaming, launching himself forward. He was stopped only by Roy's arms, falling back into them from the sudden halting motion. "Hey! Let me _go!_"

_I didn't bring you here to beat up my men_.

"He's _asking_ for it!"

"Havoc, what did you say?" Roy asked in exasperation, keeping his struggling blond restrained.

"I um...called him the girlfriend? He seemed in good spirits, I didn't think he'd mind!"

"Let me _go!_" Ed yelled again, ignored by his captor.

"I assure you, neither of us have assumed _roles_ in our relationship," Roy growled. "Nor have we-_oof!_" Roy dropped down to his knees as a backward swing from Ed landed a booted automail heel right between his legs. They both crashed to the floor, Ed scrambling away in a frenzied terror. He lashed out as Havoc offered a hand, easily leaving a bruise on the Lieutenant's arm.

"_Dammit_," Roy cursed, holding up his hand. "Give him room. He reacts to perceived attacks, but if there are none, he just may snap out of it."

"Snap out of what?" Havoc asked, watching as Ed heaved frantically and tried to back himself into a corner, freezing and swiping backward when stopped by the couch.

"Memories of the kidnapping." Roy approached Ed, keeping just enough room between them to avoid accidental reaction.

Ed's golden eyes darted around as he cautiously waited, confusion replaced by slowly-dawning realization.

"R...Roy?"

Roy replied to Ed's small and scared voice with a tapping on his chest.

_I'll always be here for you_.

Ed hung his head as his left hand curled into a white-knuckled fist, his body trembling as he tried _not_ to cry.

"The...the others? Are they-are they still here?"

_Yes, and they support you too_.

Ed grasped for Roy's hand, tapping shaky Dorset into it.

_Even though I'm so messed up?_

_You're not messed up. Kimblee was messed up. Tucker was messed up. Father was messed up. You're just struggling through a rough patch. There's nothing wrong or broken about you so stop telling yourself and me that_.

_Getting long winded there Mustang_, Ed answered him as he choked out a wheezy laugh.

_Are you alright?_

_So they know about our relationship, huh?_

_Only close friends._

_Dr. Stein?_

_I haven't told her, but I think she knows._

_I like her._

_Don't cheat on me._

_I'm only with you for your status, Mustang._

Roy paused at the interruption of Fuery's snickering. Caught peeping, he admitted to watching the Dorset exchange with his keen eyes and mind.

"I can read fingers."

"That has to be the strangest thing I've heard since Roy telling us he was living with Fullmetal."

"Hey, shut up Havoc!" Roy protested, looking down at Ed as he sniggered.

"Who said what and pissed ya off, Mustang?"

_Ed?_

"Come on you _know_ I can sense things!"

_Can you sense this?_

Roy slowly lifted his gloved hand to Ed's face, watching as the golden eyes widened in horror and Ed dropped to a crouch just before Roy snapped. Everybody watched with intrigue as Ed tuck and rolled to the side, missing the small and relatively harmless explosion where he was moments before.

"Colonel, watch you don't send him over the edge!"

"Relax Sergeant, he wasn't attacked with alchemy." Roy had looked away from Ed for only a moment, but that was all it took for his young and springy body to launch itself at Roy and take them both down in a rolling tackle.

"Whup your ass _with_ or _without_ my senses!" Ed cackled, pinning Roy to the floor. He slipped moments later, losing his balance and flattening Roy further under his surprisingly solid weight.

_Get off me fatass_, Roy tapped to Ed as he groaned. _You're too heavy_.

"I-I thought you said I-I wasn't-_Havoc!_" Ed called out, climbing off Roy. "Come here."

_Yeah Ed?_

_Have I lost or gained weight since you saw me last?_

_Lost, definitely. Have you been sick?_

_Do I look sick? _Ed asked in concern, relaxing when Havoc answered _No_.

_You look just fine, Ed. So you really can't feel anything?_

"No." Ed sighed, breaking the silence. "Nothing subtle, at least."

_How do you eat? You can feel your mouth?_

"I wish. Roy hasn't told you?"

_We're curious but we respect your privacy_.

"He keeps me on a liquid diet," Ed explained with a soft smile. "Fruits and vegetables in a blender-in a blender I think. Although sometimes I get-get hot food. Tea or soup."

_You can only feel temperature?_

"And texture, in my-in my esopha-um, esophagus. I had soda once. It-it was bubbly and-and it felt _caustic_."

_How about alcohol?_

"What use would I have for that in my state?" He snorted in reply, dismissing it nonchalantly. "I haven't-haven't had that since I was six-sixteen!"

_You know the drinking age is 21_.

"To hell with that rule! At least I had a-a _chance_ to get drunk-to get drunk before I lost my senses!"

"When were you _drunk?_" Roy asked incredulously, momentarily forgetting that Ed couldn't hear him.

_So you can't feel pain?_

"That's one thing that-that I'm not spared from," Ed muttered in reply, holding his casted hand up for an example. "I-I can feel pain in my bones-my joints and deep-deep in my muscles. Organs and headaches too."

_But it helps to tell ya what's going on right?_

_And nearly knock me unconscious_, Ed thought to himself as he held his right hand to his stomach. He offered Havoc a smile and a nod. "Yeah."

Breda cut in, nudging Havoc away. He tapped an introduction to Ed's chest, grinning like a fiend.

_Breda here. So Ed, when did you realize you're gay?_

Gold framed red as Ed's face flushed from embarrassment. "Well-I-I don't think that-that's any-any of y-your _business!_"

_Can't share it with a friend?_

"Well I-I," Ed stammered, ducking his head. He thrust his hand out to silently answer him, the red never leaving his face. _You'll think I'm crazy._

_Ed, we had that impression from the day we met you._

_Yeah but back then I had all of my senses!_ Ed frowned, the red dissipating from his complexion. _I...I fell for Roy before I knew he __**was**_ _Roy_.

_That's not that uncommon really. People can fall in love through mail or over the phone, or from different languages and neither can understand a word of the other._

_And some fall in love for looks. I don't have that luxury..._

_But you know what Roy looks like. You're not attracted to him?_

_Well I_... Ed trailed off, picturing Roy clear as day in the white expanse. The black hair, deep onyx eyes; winning cocky smile. ..._I do. But he doesn't... if this makes sense, he doesn't turn me on. Romantically, but not..._

_Sexually_, Breda finished for him. He alleviated the reappearing blush on Ed's face with his next words. _It's okay. Your relationship is still developing, right? Even if you never get to that point, it's perfectly normal. There is no typical relationship, or one like another. Everybody is different, and so is every relationship._

Ed's lips mouthed some of the words as he processed them and ran over the concept in his mind. His hand rested on Breda's chest as he pondered, expression shifting to concern. His fingers started up again, tapping a bit erratically.

_But what about Roy? What if he wants something more physical but I'm never ready for that?_

_That's something you'll have to talk to him about._

_I guess you're right. Thanks, Heymans._

_Of course. Now go to your boyfriend, he looks lonely without you._

Boyfriend. Ed snorted, turning away from Breda with only a moment of teetering balance before his cosmic compass pointed him directly to Roy. With arms open, he shamelessly hugged Roy right around the middle, smiling contentedly.

_Did you miss me that much?_

_Of course_, Ed replied in Dorset. _Roy, you were blind once. You know what deprivation is like_. He frowned as he leaned more of his body weight against Roy. _Tell me what's going on around me. What everyone is doing. Are they looking at me? Are they talking about us? Are they happy to see me back?_

_Who couldn't be happy to see you? Your personality is as sunny as your hair._

_You're so sappy-_

_Breda and Havoc are jealous of our love. They're both single and now they're talking about going out later for women._

_That could be fun. We should go._

_Fuery is drawing some schematics at his desk for something electronic, _Roy said, purposely ignoring Ed's comment. _And Riza just arrived._

_To put your ass to work?_

_As a matter of fact, yes._

_What do I do all day?_

_Keep me company._

_I'm not your lapdog!_

Despite Ed's comment, he growled in annoyance, sounding like a disgruntled mutt.

_I could suggest giving you paper and pencil, but without your eyes or touch-_

_No wait!_ Ed interrupted with his eager tapping. _Give me my own desk and blank paper and a pen._

_Going to write me a story?_

_I just might_, Ed replied with a chuckle. He walked with Roy to an empty desk, sliding elegantly into the chair. Paper was placed in front of him and a pen in the left hand as it was moved to rest on the sheet of paper.

Ed hesitantly placed the pen behind his ear before reaching down to feel in front of him. As his hands ran over the flat surface, he narrowed his eyes in concentration.

"How-how big is the paper?"

_Standard Letter size._

With a nod, Ed closed his eyes, clapped his hands, and slammed them to the desk. A Letter-sized wooden frame extruded itself from the desk under Ed's talented hands, the paper settling perfectly inside it.

While the others marveled at Ed's ability to still perform alchemy, he blissfully plucked the pen from his head, placed it in the top corner of the frame, and got to work happily doodling.


	42. Chapter 42

_To Secret Companion_: It's usually Ed picking up on a feeling or emotion from the other person, like empathy. He's just uncannily accurate with his replies, which wouldn't be artistic license from the author, not at all. ;)  
_To Shaat_: I try to specify exactly when someone is thinking something, because I know the _italics_ for Dorset can be confused with thought. I hope that helps clear it up! (and don't think I didn't spot your name change!)

* * *

Ed had spent five minutes slowly drawing on the paper with his face set in absolute concentration before he sighed and requested his desk be placed next to Fuery. The young Sergeant obliged and assisted Ed in the minor relocation, as well as the proceeding silence of Dorset exchange between the two.

Another half hour easily went by, Ed's two hands working in tandem as the casted hand played anchor, indicating the start point of his left hand as it traveled carefully and calculatingly back to the right. Ed had never claimed to be an artist, though his past alchemical diagrams were an art in their own right; and he put that dexterity to work as he mapped out a floor plan.

The entire office was privy to his enthusiasm when he suddenly blurted out the paper's completion and held it up.

"I'm _done!_" he called proudly, holding it above his head. Though the lines were slightly uneven and at times the start didn't exactly meet the finish, he was holding an uncannily accurate blueprint to the first floor of Roy's home. The most detail was in the middle of the house, where the couch sat. He had even drawn a smiley face next to two haphazardly written yet still legible words: _GROUND CONTROL_.

_That's so cool Ed!_ Being in the closest proximity to Ed, Fuery was the first to comment on the work.

"Is-is it readable?" He replied hopefully, earning a nod from Roy who was the next to reply.

_Completely accurate. I'm proud of you, Edward._

Ed beamed proudly, handing the paper over to Roy who shared it with his subordinates. "You're-you're not just saying that because I'm-I'm blind, are you?"

_No way Ed,_ Havoc replied. _I could run a special ops mission with these blueprints._

_I love how you labeled the fridge as 'food'_, Breda commented, earning a snicker from the artist.

"Yeah that's a-a good idea. Roy I'm hungry-I'm hungry. Got food?"

"Oh hell, I forgot to bring his lunch with me!" Roy exclaimed with a whine.

"You _forgot_ his food?" Riza scolded in disbelief.

"Seriously?"

"Shut up Havoc!"

"Roy?"

_Wait Ed_.

"We'll have to get him something from the cafeteria," Roy sighed. "Sergeant, can you take him down and find him something he can eat?"

"Of course!" Fuery jumped up, taking Ed by the wrist and giving a gentle tug.

"Oh we're-we're going to go out-go out this time? You-you mean Riza is letting you go during work?" Ed snickered mischievously, his next words muttered and slightly slurred together. "Donno how you can get _any_ work done you're always skipping out..."

_Actually I'm going to take you for lunch!_ Fuery cheerfully tapped, smiling nervously as Ed froze apprehensively.

"He's-he's n-not coming?"

_He has work to do_.

"Well o-okay but you have to slow _down_. Y-you know I lose track if-if you go too fast or say too much."

_Sorry_.

"It's not you. I just wish I-I could hear again." Ed smiled sadly, tugging eagerly on Fuery's grip. "Well let's-let's um, go get food."

_Okay!_

Just as the two left, Roy sat down in his office chair with a hand on his head. All could see the weariness on his young face as he shouldered the burden of himself, Ed, and his country and tried to hold everything together.

* * *

"Okay Kain so-so where are we going?"

_Cafeteria!_

"With all of the other mili-military personnel?"

_Yeah. Don't worry, I'll help you fend them off! _

"What if they-they jeer at me?"

_I'll set them straight_.

"Somehow, that isn't all too-all too comforting."

Kain sighed and slowed Ed down in the hallway, far from the cafeteria. He glanced around, thankful for the relative loneliness of the corridor as he tapped a new message.

_Ed, please don't get upset, but I have a question_.

"Yeah, okay, what?" Ed furrowed his brows in concentration.

_It sounds like you're stuttering more often. Why?_

"I-I am? _Dammit!_" he cursed, hanging his head. "When-when Breda told me I-I stutter I started-started trying to do it _less!_"

_Well what are you doing differently?_

"I'm-I'm paying more attention to my speech-my speech. I'm-I'm trying to enun-enunciate more clearly and-and-"

_Well maybe that's it_, Fuery interrupted. _Most of your stuttering is word repetition, you have little trouble with saying the word right._

"Then-then how do I fix it?"

_Try to relax. Here, say a few sentences and I'll tell you exactly how it sounded._

"I-I guess I don't have anything to-to lose," Ed mumbled, insecurely backing up against the wall and taking Fuery with him. "Okay, relaxing..."

_And go!_

"So-so you guys all-all liked my drawing?"

_Yeah! It was-_

"Thanks, but you're s-supposed to repeat my words."

_Oops. Right._

Ed smiled hopelessly as Fuery translated his spoken words to Dorset, relaying every repeated word or stutter with accentuation in the form of extra pressure per tap and thump.

Through only fifteen minutes, Ed had more confidence in his ability to speak and be understood without focusing so hard. He looked incredibly relieved to know that he was understood so well for being disabled for so long.

"Hey, Kain. Thanks a ton." Ed pulled the shorter man into an appetitive hug.

_No problem Ed! Do you still want me to tell you when you slip?_

"Not for the caf-cafe-" Ed paused to take a deep breath, steadying his breathing. "Not for the cafeteria trip. In Roy's office for sure!"

_Oh right, we were going for your lunch_.

"So he really forgot to-to bring me food, didn't he?"

_Yeah. But at least he brought you. Everybody's glad to see you again!_

"It's good to be back."

* * *

The walk to the cafeteria is taking longer than I remember. Of course, everything in my life has slowed down thanks to the loss of my hearing and sight.

Kain is guiding me with such ease and care, taking wide swings around the corners rather than sharp turns. It's less of a thrill, but much more relaxing and I don't mind.

According to him, my stutter is nearly gone. It only took a short amount of time to find the right amount of relaxation and focus to use to fix the problem.

I have to remind myself later to thank Breda for making me _aware_ of the problem. Though I'd rather not have it at all, at least I can still communicate.

We stop suddenly and I feel this _wave_ of... _chaos_. It's like being in a crowd with hundreds of people all talking at once, except I can _feel_ their voices as emotions.

We must be in the cafeteria.

I try to remember the layout of this room. I had eaten here often enough and gorged on enough food to know that we're heading toward the food counter, and I buck at the destination.

"No," I insist, motioning toward the tables. "I'll sit-I'll sit and wait. I can't carry food and walk at the same time. I'll fall."

He says nothing as he leads me to a table, sitting me down gently and handing me a-well, I don't know _what_, but he squeezed my hand around it just enough to feel the pressure.

I wonder if Roy taught him that trick.

"What am I holding?" I ask curiously. I await an answer, but one never comes. He must've left to get the food.

I run my fingers over the object, but I may as well be trying to stare it down. Even with squeezing I can't figure out what it is. I could put it in my mouth, but the only damn area with feeling is at the back of my throat and that's just a goddamn gag reflex.

A fork or napkin, who knows. Maybe a pen. Now I'm curious-

There's a pain right across the bottom of my ribcage from being shoved forward against the table. I wheeze pathetically to catch my breath and calm the sudden feeling of panic welling inside me.

You've felt pain before Ed, you're fine. You're safe. You're not back _there_.

Another hit to my shoulder.

Are they doing this on _purpose?_

Just like he did.

A third whack to my head and I forget the cafeteria. The constant battering of all of the mixed emotions finally catches me and vaults me into the terrifyingly familiar hell of that night.

I lash out backwards, connecting roughly with something. A retaliation catches me in the chest, but my breathlessness doesn't stop me from fighting back and slamming my arm across the attacker's head.

A yank on my arm catches me off guard, but I just kick out with my leg. He takes it and yanks it from under me, dropping me almost to the floor while my head slams on something on the way down.

"Let me go I'm gonna kick your _ass!_" I holler, receiving only a punch in the face as reply.

Despite my words, I'm getting my ass handed to me. I feel a vicious pain in my right hand and I thrust upward with my knee, mind racing for ideas on how to get _out_ of here.

That's it. The circle appears in my mind, and I have almost a deja vu moment. I ignore the nagging in my head that tells me _no_ because I need to get them _off_ me, I need to get _away_-

The pain jolts through my arm as I slam my hands together-but before I can reach the floor, I'm yanked back and restrained by impossibly strong arms. I try to free myself with a powerful kick but they're pinned just as quickly as my arms and I'm trapped, I can't get _free_, I-

I don't want him to see me break. I _never_ want to show him weakness. But a part of me knows what's coming next, I can't _fight_ while I'm pinned, I can't escape as he yanks my pants off and sticks his-

I writhe in torture, crying out unintelligible strings of curses between yells of anger and fear. I can't get away from him, I know he's making me _wait_ in suspense before he _violates_ me. I break, I plead for him to let me go, to just set me _free_.

There's a frantic rhythm applied to my chest in reply. There's something acutely familiar about it, but in my state of sheer _terror_, it's missing me. I roll my head back and wheeze heavily as the panic grips my heart again and causes me to whimper pathetically.

"Please, please let me go I-I didn't-I don't-I can't _see_ I can't _do_ anything to-to you I-I just-_please_ let me go..."

_Tap-tap-tap, tap-thump, tap-tap-thump-tap, tap. Tap-tap-tap, tap-thump, tap-tap-thump-tap, tap. _

The pattern repeats on my chest over and over, and the lack of any further pain or abuse brings my mind slowly to decode the message.

_Safe_. Safe. Safe.

Over and over, _safe_. It's Dorset, and it's telling me I'm safe.

My breath is still heavy as my struggling stills and I focus on the comforting words, my mind drifting back to reality and the day's events.

Roy. HQ. Team Mustang. Kain. Cafeteria. Oh, _hell_.

I just freaked out right in front of _everybody_. I regressed to one of the worst moments of my life, relived it in front of half the personnel in Central, and even fought some of them.

With this knowledge, I try to steady myself and save face. I level out my breathing and relax, though I'm sure my apologies are coming across more broken than I'd like.

_Ed relax, everything is fine_.

Kain.

I reach out for his hand, tapping a shaky and almost incomprehensible reply to him.

_What did I say? Did I mention the rape?_

_Rape?_

Apparently not. And apparently, Kain didn't _know_ about that. _Fuck!_

_When I was kidnapped_, I shakily reply. _Please let me go, I can't move_.

I'm immediately released and lifted to sit on a chair. At a table. Fuery is right there with me as he taps '_Better?_' to me and I nod.

_Please apologize to everyone for me. I can't. I'm afraid I'll mention the... you know_.

_I understand. I will_.

I hang my head as the Dorset ends. He must be explaining to everyone what had happened. Maybe he's telling them I was kidnapped. Maybe he's just saying it's PTSD. I don't know.

All I know is that I can feel the shaking and the sharp intake of breath as a long-familiar feeling washes over me. I cross my arms to the chest and just give into the silent, wheezy sobs without care to further damage of my already-fractured _public_ _appearance_.


	43. Chapter 43

_To Riltani_: That alternate storyline has no Dorset (Morse) and ends with Ed committing suicide. Less happy and fun than here!  
_To Castianamichaels_: Eventually he will! But that is not yet to come!

* * *

Just after Kain had apologized for me, he had sat me again at the table. I felt the hunger that had originally brought us to the cafeteria, but my appetite was shot and it only made me feel nauseated.

_I'm not hungry, Kain_, I tap to him.

_You have to eat. I managed to keep it from not getting upturned in the fray_.

_Slow down_.

_Sorry. But you have to eat._

_Yeah Fullmetal, don't let what happened spoil your appetite!_

The sudden intrusion of a third person into our back-and-forth conversation causes me to jump. My head shoots up as I glance around pointlessly.

"Hello?"

_Hi! Sorry. I was listening in_.

"Who are you?"

_My name is Mark. I'm the Floral Alchemist._

"State Alchemist?"

_Yeah. It's not a manly title, but I work with plants in my alchemy_.

"Yeah okay but what-what makes you able to judge?"

I almost feel bad for balking at his encouragement in light of how I'd acted earlier, but he doesn't _know_ what I'd been through.

_Sorry. I_ _saw what went down. That fight shouldn't have happened._

"Was I being attacked?" I ask, my right hand habitually traveling to the safety of my stomach.

_Some guys were bumping into you. When you pushed back, they thought you wanted to brawl_.

"So-so _I _started the fight," I murmur with a frown. "Everything that happened was _my_ fault."

_It was just an accident._

"Well if I hadn't-"

_Sergeant Fuery told us you were hurt recently by a criminal. We understand why you reacted the way you did_.

"Sometimes I slip," I admit, feeling a throb of pain as I move the fingers in my right hand. "I'm blind so I-I sometimes mistake what's going on... for being back _there_."

_Do you mind if I ask how you got out of there? Did someone rescue you?_

"Well I knocked the guy out. Then I crawled out and-and Roy-er, Colonel Mustang found me."

_No way. Blind and deaf and you still kick butt! You know you were my inspiration for learning alchemy_.

He's dangerously inflating my ego as my I swell with pride.

"Really?"

_Yeah. Especially with the way you made things move fluidly with alchemy_.

"Is that what you do with flowers?"

_Plants_, he corrects me. _Flowers are too delicate. I use trees and grasses and bushes._

"Yeah, how?"

I can sense his eagerness as he goes on and tells me all about how his alchemy works and how the plants react to the alchemy, and then how he began learning a few years ago after he saw me using alchemy and being a _badass_ while doing it, and he experimented in the greenhouse his mom had and she nearly threw him out when he accidentally overgrew the entire house in mere minutes.

By the end of his vividly told tale, the scene in my mind has me laughing and I actually _fall off_ my chair but it doesn't stop the laughter. I'm pulled back up to my seat and I calm down, tossing my arm over Kain's shoulder with a blissful sigh.

"That's an awesome story, Mark. The military is lucky to have you."

_Thank you so much, Fullmetal_.

"Call me Ed. I'm not in the-in the military now. I'm retired."

_Too bad. You did a lot of good for the country_.

"Can't do it without my senses now, can I?" I shrug dismissively.

_I bet you could. You're a walking and talking inspiration to so many._

I nod my head slowly in silent pondering, wondering if I could still be of use to people despite my limitations. I _do_ have full use of my mind, despite the debilitating _regression_ of the kidnapping.

_Now will you eat, Ed? I know you used to have a record-breaking appetite!_

"Yeah, sure," I laugh. "Alright Kain, you heard Flowers, bring on the food!"

Kain began the foodie festivity with a cup of cooled tea, quickly following with a heaping helping of mashed potatoes when the tea disappeared in a matter of seconds. He aided Ed in the first two spoonfuls, but the blonde quickly insisted on doing it _himself_ and plowed through it like a boss.

"What else ya got, Kain?"

_I grabbed a ripe banana and cut it up for you. You can chew that, right?_

"Um, well, I can _try_. I can't feel my mouth so it might look silly...or I might start-start choking."

_I'm right here for you, Ed!_

The first few bites of the banana disappeared into Ed's throat after being thoroughly mashed by his teeth, but Kain jumped in panic when he saw a thin trail of blood leak out from Ed's bottom lip.

_Ed stop chewing._

_What? Why?_ Ed tapped out his reply on Kain's shoulder, his jaw freezing instantly.

Luckily there was only a small amount of banana in Ed's mouth, so it was easy to see where he had bitten the side of his tongue to draw blood. Kain sighed and instructed Ed to swallow.

"Okay what happened?" He replied after swallowing, frowning in confusion.

_I'm going to mash your banana. You bit your tongue and were bleeding_.

"Whaaat?" Ed whined, putting his hand to his mouth. "This sucks."

_You did better than I thought_.

"But I can't even eat a banana without incident," he complained, crossing his arms.

_Would you rather have chicken broth and a straw?_

"That's rude, Kain."

_I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be! _Kain flailed, frowning. _I just want to give you ease and preserve your pride. I can disguise it as a drink if you like!_

"Oh, you-you weren't being a smartass? Right, you're not Roy." Ed grinned and placed a hand to his belly. "Yeah I-I still got room, I'll take a broth in a cup."

_Coming right up!_

As Kain ran off to get the warm liquid, Ed snickered at his enthusiasm. He hadn't a chance to grow lonely however, as he felt a tapping on his chest.

_Edward Elric? I heard you're deaf and blind._

"Huh? Who's there?"

There's a pause before the Dorset continues.

G_uess I heard right. You picked a good place to chat, most everyone here knows Dorset!_

"Yeah I guess I did," I mumble, reaching out. "Do I know you?"

My hand suddenly jerks up and down and through my confusion, I realize he's _shaking_ it.

_I helped fight off that Father guy on the day of the coup. You probably don't remember me. Name's Dudley._

"Dudley?" I honestly don't remember him, but there were many Central and Briggs soldiers that I never had a chance to meet or thank. "Sorry, it doesn't sound familiar..."

_I didn't think so. You know, when you used alchemy to bring your bro back, you returned looking half-dead. You barely moved. The only sound out of you was a cry for help. You didn't even make it out of the courtyard before you passed out_.

I was that pathetic? I frown and bow my head nervously.

"I thought I could trade my alchemy for Alphonse. I was wrong." I put my good hand to my head. "All of Al was inside the gate... his soul, his-his body, everything. I was willing to make an even swap. But a-a living being can't survive there long. So I was sent back with Al... but everything that I needed to _live_ was taken. All of my senses." My breath hitches and though I can't feel it, I know I'm crying. "I can't see, I can't hear, I can't _feel_ or taste or smell. But I have wonderful friends who have-have helped me, cared for me, _taught_ me and led me through this hell and given me back my life. And look, I can even chat with people again," I laugh, though it comes out as an emotion-laden sob. "S-sorry about the..the tears. Happy ones, really."

_For all you lost, you're really doing well. A couple of us struggle with PTSD, but seeing you today after what happened to you? Well, we're inspired by your will to push on and forge a new life despite limitations._

"Hell Dudley, why are you a soldier? You should be a _writer!_" I laugh, reaching out to take his hand and return the handshake I was oblivious to earlier. "That means a lot to me, really. Thank you."

_Of course. Oh, Kain is back with your broth in a cup._

"I really called it that, didn't I?" I smile as Kain carefully rests the cup in my left hand, though he tells me it's a short trip to the table if I drop it. "Thanks guys."

* * *

While Ed drank his 'hot tea' several more people had spoken with him, sharing their stories of overcoming obstacles and friends with disabilities. Every new person inspired Ed and gave him more hope, and their enthusiastic energy fed into him to combine with the caffeine from the tea he'd had earlier.

Needless to say, by the time his cup was empty, Ed was ready to be productive.

"Hey Kain let's go back to Roy's office!" The energy was clearly visible in Ed's fidgeting and stupidly big grin.

"He's sure hyped up," one man commented as Ed jumped up from his seat, nearly falling in his stumble.

"I have to wonder if Colonel Mustang doesn't give him caffeinated beverages," Fuery replied. "I'd better escort him before he runs off on his own."

"Take good care of that kid Sergeant," Dudley called.

"Of course!"

However, they had barely left the cafeteria and made their first turn than Ed's memory coupled with his energy overdrive caused him to shoot off, slipping easily from Fuery's supportive but loose grip. Before Fuery could even utter a cry of alarm, Ed had already skidded to a halt and disappeared around another corner.

"Crap! _Ed!_"

He bolted down the hallway with his uniform skirt flying behind him, but his shorter legs were no match for Edward who was already gone.

"Oh no oh no Mustang is gonna _kill_ me..."


	44. Chapter 44

_Because I didn't write it in yet, I thought I'd let you know that neither Kain nor Ed told Roy of the cafeteria incident. Yet._

* * *

I'm so full of energy. And I feel so free!

It's amazing what some inspiring words from friends can do.

I zip around another corner, but I judge my speed wrong and I tumble over myself. _Ow_ my hand.

Still I laugh like an idiot as I get up and start running again.

Without warning I slam into something solid, bounce off and hit the floor with a gasp from the shock.

I don't remember there being a _wall_ there!

I crawl forward and reach out, tapping my hand against it curiously. As I climb to my feet and reach up, the wall _moves_ and I stumble backwards in fear.

"He-hello?"

I feel a sudden _pressure_ squeezing my upper arms against my sides. Before I have a chance to protest, gravity yanks down on me and my feet leave the safety of the floor to dangle in midair. I cry out and freeze, trying to reign in my stupid reaction of _panic_. I almost have control until the pressure encompasses my body, completely restricting my movement from my waist to my neck. The panic keeps hold of me and my breathing grows fast, but I suddenly pick up on a new sensation.

An overwhelming aura of charm and grandeur washes over me, filling me with a combination of calm and _richness_. I relax and am released moments later.

_Ed! Ed are you okay?!_

I almost can't decode Fuery's frantic Dorset.

"Was that you?"

_No, that's Major Armstrong_.

"Major-" So _that's_ what that was! The _sparkles!_

Wait until I tell Al that they're not just visible, they're _tangible_ too.

"Hi-hi Major," I stammer nervously. "It's um-it's been a while huh?"

His Dorset is tapped out at the perfect speed to understand, but so gentle for the large man that I can't believe it.

_Edward! We have all missed you. I'm glad to see you're well!_

"Well, huh? You missed the part where I only know what's going on around me because people explain it to me, din'cha?"

I am _such_ a smartass. And maybe a bit of a dick at times. But at least I said it with a smile?

_Perhaps, but you're getting along very well without your senses. Why, just minutes ago the Colonel was telling me how you can hone in on chi to feel emotions and people around you!_

"Yeah, you have a point," I murmur. "But still-I-I would trade it for what I lost."

_And nobody could blame you._

"What was Roy like? When he lost his sight?"

_Between the time you lost yours to when he regained his, he never strayed from ambition. His lack of sight never hindered his vision. It was so inspiring! He was willing to push forward with or without his sight!_

"And I break down," I mutter, crossing my arms over my chest. "But he only lost one sense. He still had hearing and-and touch to anchor him to reality."

_And you have gravity and proprioception, yes?_

"Not always the biggest help, but yeah."

_He tells me your memory skills are still exceptional and that you haven't lost the ability to fight_.

"Yeah, those-those _are_ both true," I reply with a grin. "I am doing pretty good aren't I?"

_Indeed. Though I am curious where you were off to in such a hurry?_

"Oh. Back to Roy's office."

_Unaided?_

"Oh, well, Kain _was_ taking me but I... I wanted to run." I laugh nervously. "And I remembered the way, so..."

_You are independent. Not to mention you were nearly there! It's my fault for stopping you. Though Kain looks very relieved that I have_.

"I didn't _mean_ to leave him behind, I thought he could keep up! Kain how-how are you unable to keep up with a _blind_ man?"

Kain's answer is tapped not to my chest, but to my back.

_You're taller than me, you have longer legs._

"And Roy calls me short," I smirk arrogantly. "I bet I'm just as tall as _he_ is!"

_Almost_, Fuery replies, but I don't care, because I'm not as short as I had thought.

"Well let's go back to Roy's office!" I insist, crossing my arms. "He's probably lost without me."

We all head back together, Kain leading me by the wrist as the sparkles surround us all.

* * *

Ed had spent the rest of Roy's workday peacefully drawing and 'chatting' back and forth with his desk neighbor, Kain. The art he had produced was of equal quality to the floor plan from earlier and the menagerie consisted of alchemical diagrams, the upstairs layout of Roy's home, and a stunningly accurate sketch of a bluejay.

His final drawing, one that earned laughter from everyone, was a No Smoking sign which he gifted to Havoc with his familiar cocky grin.

Exhaustion and stress finally took him and he comfortably snuggled up at his desk, drifting off in the old familiar peace of Roy's office.

It was as Ed slept that Roy sprung the idea of himself and Ed joining the boys out for a few drinks and picking up the ladies. The agreement was unanimous, all for the idea.

So it went that shortly before the end of the workday, Ed awoke and stood, trying to navigate the room-though he had forgotten where he was and walked right into the wall, shaking him up a bit.

"Bathroom," he murmured, touching the wall with a confused frown, not sensing Roy as the man appeared at his side to take his arm. "Roy?"

_Yes. You have to go?_

"Yeah. What's going on?"

_We're at my office._

"OH! Oh right. Sorry just woke up..."

_I know. We understand_.

"Hurry up and take him Colonel," Havoc encouraged. "He's gonna need all the room in his bladder he can get for the drinks later!"

"For the last _time_, Havoc," Roy sighed. "_One_ beer is all he gets!"

"Roooy I gotta go!" Ed cutely shifted his weight with unease clear on his face. "I-I forget where the bathroom is."

_Didn't use it often when you visited?_

_Used to just piss on your office doors when nobody was watching_, Ed tapped back with a devious grin.

"...That actually explains a lot." Roy sighed and gave Ed a mock shove, earning a squeal from the blonde. "Troublemaker."

"Now let's go before I continue the habit!"

"What habit?"

Roy glanced at Breda with a half-glare. "Some live up to their dog of the military title better than others." He led Ed out before he could be asked to clarify, shaking his head in disbelief.

_You're plenty able to wash and scrub my office doors. I think I have a job for you_.

"You wouldn't _dare!_" Ed retorted indignantly, trotting alongside Roy awkwardly as he held his full bladder.

_Oh, I would_. Reaching the bathroom, Roy let them both into the appropriately-named handicapped stall, pantsed Ed, and sat him on the toilet. _Go_.

"I know you love me but-but to _watch_ me go..." Ed muttered, crossed his arms and rested them on his legs to hide his privates. "I need a _little_ privacy."

_Of course. I'll wait outside_.

Left alone to do his business in peace, Ed smiled affectionately as he was reminded of how caring and thoughtful Roy could be.

Even if he _did_ decide to force Ed to wash his doors later.

* * *

I thought we were going straight home, but apparently, Roy has other ideas.

Work has ended and I'm accompanying he and his men on a walk down the street. I've asked where we're going, more than _once_, but nobody is answering me.

I _hate_ being in the dark.

Even though my world is white!

Quiet, Ed. Focus on your footsteps.

Because for as long as I've been stuck like this, balance still doesn't come easy. Especially when your left leg is metal.

Automail, automail, _automail_. I hate having a metal leg. I wish there was a way to switch it back to flesh and blood, but I know it's not an option.

I'd rather have sight, anyway.

_Damn_ I miss my senses.

I stumble and fall against Roy, but he doesn't expect it and doesn't catch me as I tumble and hit the ground with a curse. He tries to help me up but I stubbornly shove his hands away, pushing myself to my feet with a slight wave of nausea hitting me.

_Ed, what's wrong?_

_Just being moody_, I reply in Dorset, closing my eyes with a soft sigh. _Sorry_.

_Maybe we should go home_.

_I don't want to ruin your time with the guys_.

_Ed_, he begins, _if you'd rather go_-

"Stop holdin' us back old man," I interrupt, giving him a gentle shove. "You're slowin' down our stroll!"

_Smartass_.

I smile despite his playful insult, pushing forward with the support of the guys around me. I can _feel_ their encouragement.

We suddenly stop; myself not by a physical cue but by the sudden flux of excitement from the guys.

"What's-what's going on?"

_We're here_.

"Where?"

_Party central baby!_

"Havoc you're nuts!" I call as I'm tugged forward, stumbling into the building with the others.

Ooh, it's warmer in here.

But entirely too complicated to navigate! I'm led across the room but bump into at least five things on the way, at one point receiving a shove from an outside force. I resist the urge to push back, preferring to not repeat the attack from earlier.

"Come on Roy give me a clue," I complain, keeping my right hand safe at my stomach as my hip bangs into something at my right.

No reply as I'm sat down and leaned forward against...a table. I'm at a table. Okay, and...?

"You guys aren't leaving me alone are you?"

_Not a chance kid! _Breda replies to my question.

I almost ask something else but a sudden corrosive gas enters my throat and clogs my sinuses, irritating both ends of my head. I cough and try to wave away the polluted air, but it thins only slightly.

_Calm down, Ed._ Roy. _It's only cigarette smoke_.

"But what-is it from Jean?"

_A bit. There are other smokers here_.

"Where _are_ we?"

_Can't guess it yet?_

"No! Give me a-another clue!"

_Okay. Heymans will give it to you right...now_.

Just after Roy finishes tapping out the code, I feel my head tilted back before liquid begins pouring down my throat. I begin coughing in reflex, tearing away less from fear and more from a desire to _breathe_.

"What was _that?!_" I cry, not even mentioning how the fluid burned at my throat.

_Your clue._

There's a restraining pressure on my shoulders to pin me in my seat as my head is tilted back again. Knowing what's coming next, I compliantly begin gulping, practically inhaling the mass of caustic liquid and enduring the almost painful burn as it travels to my stomach.

Just as the force-feeding threatens to overwhelm and suffocate me, I'm freed and my head returns to its normal position. I gasp for breath and put a hand to my throat, unable to prevent the coughing fit in reaction to the burning liquid.

"Are you-are you feeding me _acid?!_"

_Really, Ed?_

"Well what else-" I go silent as I realize what this stuff is. I feel my body warming from the inside out and from the stomach up, heating my head as my face undoubtedly flushes in reaction to the blood vessels dilating.

From the _alcohol_.

"You're feeding me _booze?!_"

A hand claps me on the back in congratulations. Oh goodie, I figured it out.

"Why would you give me alcohol? I can't _enjoy_ it like this!"

_You won't know unless you try._

"Roy I'ma kill you," I mutter, shoving back on my chair to get up. There's a tug on my arm but I pull it away indignantly. "I'm not staying here for you to shove more liquor down my throat!"

Before he can catch me, I take all of two steps before I trip over something and go right down on my face. Somehow, my dignity isn't even a thought in my mind as I lie there in a momentary daze.

I do feel all warm and fuzzy. And the hands lifting me up, well, I don't think they're Roy's.

I feel him near me, but whoever has me isn't someone I know. Their hands wrap around my middle and hold me close to them.

I really shouldn't stay here with a stranger, but there's just something trustworthy and warm about this person...

I don't fight as another bottle is put to my mouth and its contents coaxed down my throat, intoxicating me further.

Roy, you're supervising right?

Oh hell, who cares.

Bottoms up!


	45. Chapter 45

Sorry for slower updates guys! Went through a bit of a schoolgirl crush at work and had trouble focusing on the story, haha. Over now!  
And who did you think had Ed? Now I'm curious as to who you all thought it was!

* * *

"Oh Roy your friend is so sweet," the brunette commented as she waved Ed's left hand around, watching his hazy eyes trying to follow it.

"Thank you Annette," he responded as he sipped at his own beer. "He's doing quite well, isn't he?"

"For not having any senses? Better than I would be." She lifted Ed's hand above his head, watching as he tilted his head back to follow it...and nearly fell off her lap without even a clue.

"Be careful," Roy urged. "I don't know if he can handle one beer, and he's had _three_."

"Three? Poor guy. No wonder he seems drunk."

"Don't judge it by his walking. His balance is crap without the alcohol," he laughed.

"Aww, poor baby." Annette steadied the stupidly-sniggering Edward on her lap. "Roy honey, teach me how to talk to him."

"You have to use Dorset."

"Oh, those dots and dashes?"

"Yeah. Tap his chest four times, pause, then twice."

Annette did as instructed, rewarded with Ed furrowing his brows in concentration.

"Hi back," he finally said, snickering again. "Whassyer name?"

.- -. -. . - - .

"Annell?"

_No, Ed. Annette._

"Thasswat I said! An-n-nell."

Roy shook his head in disbelief as he tapped a new message to Ed.

_You're drunk_.

"YessIam!" Ed proudly said, slurring all his words into one. "Now whoizzis pre'y lady I'm with?"

_An old girlfriend._

Ed slowly processed this information before replying in annoyance. "You comparin' us?"

_None can compare to you._

"Buuuuullshit," Ed called, humor in his voice. "Everybody else gots at least one o' der' sen-senses. I got none!"

"Aww, you poor thing." Annette hugged Ed close, earning an adorable sound of confusion from him.

_You're still more able and adaptive than most_, Roy assured him, though his sentiment was partly lost on Ed who needed a repeat of the Dorset due to his drunken state.

"I love you too Roy," Ed managed to say with barely a slur. He smiled as he leaned back in Annette's embrace. "Nowwherz my next drink?"

_No more Ed._

"Whaaat? Why not?"

_You're drunk_.

"Yeah I-I thought we 'stablished that."

_You want to get sick?_

"Sick _how?_" Ed retorted, hands resting relaxedly on Annette's.

_Drink too much and you vomit_.

"Oh, riiight. I c'n handle an-nother!"

_No_.

"Izzat yer f-final answwrr?"

_Yes_.

"Damn." Ed leaned his head back, his cheek brushing against Annette's. "Sorr' babe, I'm goin' dry."

"I bet he's great fun at parties," she giggled as Roy facepalmed.

"Probably. Everybody enjoyed him at work today."

"He really must be something, to thrive even without his eyes, his ears, or _anything_."

"You should have met him before this happened." Roy smiled and leaned forward, tapping a final message to Ed.

I'm going to talk to Havoc now. Be good for Annette.

"Okaaaay!" Ed flashed an idiotic grin, only adding to the drunken appearance of his red-flushed face.

* * *

I haven't been drunk in years. Of course without my senses it's _way_ different of an experience.

I can barely sit up straight, the hell with _standing!_

Then again I don't think I'd recognize the difference between horizontal and vertical right now anyway.

Annette doesn't know Dorset, that much is clear. She held the pause between H and I a bit too long. Not that I expect Roy's girlfriends to know anything militarized.

"So did Roy ever tell you he liked guys too?"

I don't receive an answer, and I wonder if I'm speaking coherently or if she's paying attention. Maybe she's just ignoring me. I don't know.

"I'm so boooored," I complain, voicing the absolute truth. At least with my straight and sober mind I could entertain myself, but I keep slipping into thoughtlessness.

_Bored?_

"Well _yeah_. Whozzat?"

_Havoc_.

"I thoughtchu were talkin' to Roy."

_Was. He's talking to Breda now._

"Breda huh? Huh. Well enter-entertain me."

_You're so drunk you can't even talk straight_.

"I know what I'm saying. It ain't coming out right?"

_Probably not how you mean it_.

"Damn. Can y'understand it at least?"

_Obviously!_

Right. Duh.

_I can't believe how kick-ass you are, Ed_.

"Oh yeah? Whaddya mean?" Uh-oh, he's inflating my ego again!

_I mean how you took out Kurkowski_.

"Who?" I pause as my foggy mind tries to pick out the name- "_Oh!_ That rapisht guy! Yeah those 'ere the good ol' days!"

_No, how you split his skull after he kidnapped you!_

"So _that's_ who kidnapped me?!"

_Yeah! Using alchemy to slam him into the wall was genius!_

"I was desperate," I admit. "I didn't know if it worked or not."

_I'll say it did! A little overkill, but he got what he deserved_.

"Overkill how?"

_You mean you didn't mean to kill him?_

"Mean to-" The words leave me as my slow mind registers what Havoc has told me. I sober rapidly as my disbelief forms itself into involuntary speech. "I-I committed murder?"

_Roy didn't tell you?_

"_No!_" I swipe his hand away, faintly feeling vertigo and a sudden halting of motion. I think I fell to the floor.

_Ed are you okay?_

Despite my still-drunken state, I recognize Roy's pattern. I swipe my right hand upward, feeling pain as it connects with something.

"You didn't-you _lied_-why didn't you-" I try to climb to my feet, only mildly realizing that he's helping me up. "Outside," I command, gripping his arm in an attempt to stay upright.

He leads me outside into the autumn air, the nighttime chill bypassing my dead cutaneous nerves and hitting me right in the bones and organs. He's leaned me against a wall and stood next to me, keeping my arm around his to ensure my stability and my grasp on reality.

Oh, it's _way_ too late for that.

I pull away from him and cross my arms to my chest, feeling the rasp of the cold air as it travels down my throat, furthering the assault from the earlier alcohol. I manage to not cough, but I feel that my breathing is wheezy in its place.

"Why didn't you _tell_ me?"

_About?_

"Kur-Kurkowski! That I _killed_ him!"

There's an _unsettlingly_ long pause before the Dorset filters in again.

_How did you find out?_

"It doesn't _matter!_ Roy I _killed_ him!"

_It was in self defense_.

"Self de-" I shove away from him, managing to not fall on my ass this time. "Yeah I _get_ that his death was justified! But you should have _told_ me that I killed him! Roy," I gasped, my breathing _already_ shit from the air around me and the booze in me; "I tried to _defend_ myself at lunch today, with Kain, in the _cafeteria_. People bumped into me and-and I went back _there_ to being _attacked_ and I couldn't get free, I couldn't escape, I couldn't-I couldn't-I clapped my hands, Kain _stopped_ me, I could ha-have killed _them_ too, I-I'm-Roy I'm not _safe_-"

No Dorset arrives for translation as he pulls me close with his arms. No, no, not right now- I can't, I'm slipping-

I shove him away, sucking in a ragged breath as I stumble backward against the wall. I hold my arms up guardedly, struggling against my chaotic breathing and disobediently foggy mind. I don't-

This is all wrong; where am I? Why am I panicking so badly?

You killed him, Edward. You killed your kidnapper and now you're going to kill everyone you love, because you're lost in your mind. You poor, pathetic, lost little _invalid!_ You should have lost alchemy. You're a danger with it.

Go away, go _away!_

Hands are moving me again. I struggle against them, keeping myself from defensive clapping by forming my own hands into fists and _throwing_ them instead.

"Not safe," I gasp, trying to escape the-

Is this an attack or is someone trying to help me?

"Don't _touch_ me!" I cry. I suddenly gasp as air leaves me and my head slams into something; I've hit the ground. Was I pushed?!

I-I don't-I don't _know_ anymore-

I _hate_ being stuck inside my _head!_

Take my alchemy, _take_ it! Give me back my senses! I can't _do_ this! Please, _take it!_ I don't _want it!_

I can't breathe. Oh hell, I'm suffocating. What's _happening?!_

He's trying to knock me out, that's what. He's gagged me and now I have to fight between all of this _and_ the vomit-soaked rag.

I can almost smell the bile and it's enough to bring _more_ up and out and-oh god, the _heaving_, I can't stand that he's getting the satisfaction of _watching_ this-

Adding insult to injury, he tries to lift me up only to throw me back down again, but I swing and kick to fight back and try to scramble away, my hazy world spinning before my dead eyes. I try to stay strong for Roy, to get back to _him_ and-

And the Dorset and HQ and the cafeteria and _alchemy_ and I _killed Kurkowski_-

Everything flashes through my mind again and leaves me gasping pathetically on the cold stone sidewalk amidst my own drunken vomit as I realize where I am and that I'd regressed _again_.

What kind of life is this? I've learned to react with reality but I can't stay _rooted_ in it.

"I'm not safe," I cry sadly, curling up only to break down into wheezy sobs.

_I'll take the risk_.

Roy.

I allow his aid as he helps me stand, because I haven't the strength yet in my constitution. He holds me against him for several minutes, despite how I must smell from the booze and vomit on my breath and probably my _clothes_, too.

He loves me so much. And I love him too, but I can't-

I can't _risk_ harming him. Goodness knows how long it'll be before I regress again, and we're _alone_, what if he doesn't _stop_ me in time-

_Ed calm down, you're safe_.

"But you're not," I wheeze, backing away from his support. He follows me caringly, stopping only when I tear away forcefully. "I don't-don't want to _hurt_ you."

_You won't_.

"Did you _miss_ what I told you? I almost killed _others_ earlier!"

I deny any more empty encouragement as I pull away from the beginnings of more Dorset, my heart tearing itself apart inside as I condemn myself with my decision.

"I love you Roy." My voice is small and weak as I hug my arms tightly to my chest. "I can't risk hurting you. I'm sorry."

He must know my plan, because there's a pressure on my bicep to try and keep me here with him.

I'm too fast.

If I can get away from Al, Roy has no chance.

I turn and bolt, launching myself into a frantic run.

I can't stay with Roy.

I can't stay with anyone.

Drunk or sober, I'm a danger to everyone. As soon as I slip into a panic-or _regress_ back to the kidnapping-I'm ready to take the easy way out as the Fullmetal _Alchemist_ and risk life in falsified self-defense.

Kurkowski deserved his fate, yeah, I agree. But I won't have innocent blood on my hands because I'm unstable.

I suddenly stumble and fall to my side, landing painfully on my right hand. I have no way of knowing that I'd barely missed being slammed into by a car after running into the road, saved only by exceptional brakes and my own drunken disorientation.

In moments I'm moving again. Nobody has reached me yet and I'm both grateful and disappointed by Roy's absence.

Is he too old or out of shape to catch me?

Or is he just following me to pick me up when I collapse?

I move faster, determined to put distance between us. My stamina is nowhere near what it used to be, but I don't think Roy's is all that great, either.

I don't know where I'm running. I don't know where or how far my mismatched, nerve-deadened legs will take me.

I just keep moving to escape my ever-shifting, never-stable reality and try to preserve the memory of our happiness together.

Even if I die in the next day.

Even if I never see Roy again.

He'll be safe.

As long as I can keep running-although it's _really_ difficult when you're crying so hard.


	46. Chapter 46

Despite Ed's disability and being _drunk_, he had outrun and outmaneuvered Roy and completely lost him after only three blocks. Unable to track Ed in the next half hour, he returned to the bar for his men for reinforcements and called his ever-faithful Lieutenant in on the hunt.

It didn't help that most of them had a few drinks in, but luckily Hawkeye's tracking skills were still top-notch and unaffected due to lack of alcohol.

"You men," she sighed, sending Havoc alone, Breda with Fuery, and pulling Roy along with her. "Had you yourself been sober, you'd have been able to catch him!"

"You call this _my_ fault?" Roy spluttered in disbelief. "If Havoc hadn't told him-"

"First you allow Edward to drink, then you lose him to the night. We'll play blame later; we have to find him before he _freezes_."

"It's too close to winter," Roy murmured. "I _hate_ the cold."

"Sir, stop complaining and focus on searching."

"Yes ma'am." Roy hung his head in defeat. He clicked on his reliable flashlight and scanned the road with her at his side, checking alleyways and alcoves and doorways for the disabled man. "This would be easier if he could hear us and we could _call_ him."

"Not if he doesn't want to be found." Riza shined her flashlight directly into Roy's face, smiling and returning it to the horizon when he groaned.

"You have a point."

"This wouldn't have happened if he weren't so headstrong. He could have just talked it out with you."

"He honestly believes he's a threat."

"In his state, it's entirely possible. He needs time and counseling."

"Counseling?" Roy's words were laced with bitterness. "You suggest he sees someone who wouldn't be able to properly communicate with him or be able to relate to his condition even an iota?"

"No. I suggest he explains what's going on in his head to those he can trust-you and I and his brother-and we let him know that he can trust us to help him through it."

"Alphonse is not going to be happy to hear about this ordeal," Roy mumbled, hesitating at the edge of the park.

"You haven't told him yet?"

"I was trying to wait until Ed was more recovered from it." He shined the light on the winding sidewalk and turned onto it. "I have a feeling he went in here."

"It's highly unlikely that he _turned_ as he was-"

"Ed's feelings have shown and aided him more than we can understand. Let me follow mine this once."

"Yes, sir." Always loyal to her Colonel, Riza obediently followed Roy into the darkness.

* * *

I'm so tired. I don't know how far I ran before my lack of stamina brought me to an embarrassingly sudden stop and tumble. I tried to get back up and keep moving, but the ache in my leg stump kept me down where I fell.

For all of the imagined assaults on me, I don't think I'd be able to fight back if someone _did_ try to take advantage of me. I have no energy left.

Where am I?

Roy hasn't tried to help me up, and I'm annoyingly cold and shaking from the temperature, so I must have succeeded in separating myself from him. I've been in worse shape before, so the cold and shaking and _exhaustion_ isn't bothering me all that much. Though I wish this drunken haze in my mind would go away, it's still impeding my thoughts.

How long will it take before someone finds me? Unless I've managed to hide myself too well.

How long will it be before I _die?_

If it stays cold enough, I might get lucky and hypothermia will do me in before starvation.

I never got to talk to Al again. And decode his responses as he talked _back_.

As far as I know, Alphonse has no knowledge of the kidnapping, abuse, and _rape_. What will he think when he finds out his big brother ran away to end his life?

I ran away to protect others, not to kill myself.

Well you may as well have Edward, you can't take _care_ of yourself. You can't even find food like this.

I curl in on myself and hold my skeletally-numb hands close to my stomach, trying to at least warm _them_.

I don't want to die. I just want isolation. I just want _peace_ again.

I miss snuggling with Roy. I liked sleeping with him, feeling the pressure of his arm around my stomach as he held me close to him. I could just feel the hint of his breathing as my body moved from his every inhale and exhale. I honestly preferred lying on top of him, because I could feel his breathing more easily. When he moved his head, I could feel it in my neck.

For all of the cold I feel, my head is warm. I hadn't noticed my crying because I've already been shaking terribly from the cold for some time.

Hell, can I go back?

You have to protect them. It's better to stay here-stay _alone_-than put him in danger.

Great. I'm condemned to death because I can't control my own mind.

Something I'd always been proud of, and seen as great for, my mind now rebels against me and pulls me further into my own isolated hell.

I just-I wish I could get a _grasp_ on it! Then it wouldn't cause _me_ and everyone _else_ so much pain.

I'm so _cold_.

I almost don't feel the sudden movement as something pushes at my head, then at my arm. When I finally realize I'm not alone, I curl in on myself and sniffle.

"Please j-just leave m-me a-al-lone."

There's barely a pause before the nudging returns, though surprisingly nobody tries to help me up. After another brief pause, I feel the presence of something situating itself next to me. Despite my repeated, pathetic utterances of my desire to be left alone, it remains and I feel myself rapidly warming.

I don't have the energy to get up and try to get away. I'm too tired physically and mentally to move. The alcohol aids in the comforting lull as I slowly drift off to sleep, allowing the winds of change to alter my fate as they please.

* * *

"Sir, I really don't think he came to the park."

"We're getting closer," Roy urged as he ignored her words. "I just know it."

"Of course." She shined her flashlight to the right, but it was Roy who called out and ran toward the red and grey lump in the grass.

"Wolf!" He yelled and readied his hand to snap, two flashlights haphazardly illuminating the mass of fur as it turned its head and growled at the two newcomers.

"What's a _wolf_ doing in the middle of Central?" Riza's gun was already aimed for a kill shot, but she held her ground as it merely watched them cautiously.

"Someone must have released it from captivity," Roy replied. "Keep its attention on you while I check on Edward."

"Sir." Riza moved off to the side, drawing the aggressive animal's attention. She waved her hand, inching back just enough for it to turn away from Roy and cautiously follow her. She spoke to the animal, coaxing it and distracting it as Roy silently made his way to a dangerously-still Edward.

_Ed? Ed?_

Golden eyes fluttered open and glanced around in confusion, his sudden waking from sleep causing disorientation.

"Wh-where am I?"

The wolf's ears flicked back toward Ed and it turned with a snarl at Roy. It bolted in, knocking him down in a harmless tackle before he could even get a snap off. Luckily for all of them, it only returned protectively to Ed's side with a warning growl to the two officers.

"He-hello?" Ed reached out, his hand smacking the wolf in the face. It huffed and nudged at his hand, licking Ed's face caringly.

"Leave it to Edward to be adopted by wolves," Roy muttered. "It's touching, but we need to get him home and _warm_. Can you disable it so we can take it to animal control?"

"I'd rather not, sir. It may have helpless pups waiting on it."

"You support a wolf population in Central?!"

"I support nature taking its course and families getting a chance!" Riza bolted toward the wolf, earning an equally eager charge from the four-legged beast. She dropped her gun as it launched itself at her, expertly ducking to capture the animal and slam it to the ground, pinning its legs as she cut off its air supply with an arm to its throat. The struggling ended quickly with an unharmed and unconscious wolf and the woman who didn't even break a sweat.

"Impressive," Roy murmured. "Wait until the guys hear about-"

"Roy?" Ed asked weakly, reaching out once more. He closed his eyes as Roy slowly nodded his head. "Sorry..."

_You're safe. We're going to take you home_.

"But...but wh-what if I hurt you?"

_We'll worry about that later._

"But what if I regress again-"

_Ed, do you think you're the only one who regresses?_ Roy continued as Ed's eyes widened and he grew silent. _I've done it, and so has Riza. We all have. It's from trauma. It's from war. It takes time to recover when something like that happens. It takes time and talking to us about it_.

"You're... you're really long winded Mustang," Ed managed a laugh. The cold air burned his throat and he began coughing from the exposure.

_Ed, we need to get you home and warm_.

"I don't want to hurt you-"

_Dammit Ed. Don't you get it? I love you, no matter what happens. I'd risk my life for you, to be with you. Kurkowski did this to you. None of this is your fault. Don't let him cause you any more suffering. Don't give him that satisfaction. You're stronger than him, you're stronger than this_.

Already weakened by exposure, Ed could only bow his head and crawl into Roy's arms. Devoid of the wolf's fur, his skin had again grown icy to the touch despite the red hoodie he wore.

_Nothing to say, Ed?_

"I'm cold. Take m-me home."

_Of course. Can you stand?_

"Are you s-sure you're n-not still blind? I'm too tired."

_Come on, prideful Fullmetal. You're telling me a little cold is gonna keep you down?_

"Dammit Roy m-my leg-"

_It's a mechanical masterpiece. You want me to coddle you in front of Riza?_

"Sh-shit, she's here?" A flush of warmth graced Ed's face as a blush. "Well s-stand m-me up!"

_Of course, o graceful midget._

"If I w-weren't struggling t-to breathe and s-stand-" he hissed as Roy helped him to his feet.

_Breathe, Ed?_

"Too c-cold. Throat hurts. L-lungs hurt."

_I'll send Riza for a car. You're not walking all the way home._

"You s-said you w-wouldn't coddle-" he was cut off by sudden coughing as his throat could take no more and rebelled against him, revealing just how the cold and booze had treated him in the two hours he had been alone.

Roy quickly sent Riza off to return with transportation. He held Ed close, hoping to rapidly warm him and improve his condition.

_Just relax, Ed. It won't be long and we'll be home._

"He-_hell!_" Ed leaned against Roy as he struggled to steady his raspy breathing. "Where-w-where did I r-run to?"

_The park_. Roy obliged Ed's questions, aiding him in very careful and calculated steps, mindful of his stiff and achy body. _A wolf adopted you_.

"A w-wolf? Are you m-mad?"

_No, really. Riza had to knock it out with her bare hands. It didn't want to give you up_.

"You're c-completely nuts. To b-be exp-pected I guess." Ed grinned in spite of himself, footsteps pausing as he attempted and failed to stifle more dry coughing.

_If you can, stop talking. It's only irritating your throat_.

"Cocky smartass-"

_Quiet, Ed. Indulge me for a little while._

_Fine. Smartass._

* * *

I think he's just being a wiseass about my talking. My throat isn't that bad. It's just a little sore. But after alcohol and cold air, isn't that normal?

He gives me another tug to encourage me forward without a care to how achy I really am. Abused from training, fighting, atrophy, overuse and cold, my joints protest at every step.

Did I mention how _tired_ I am? All I want to do right now is sleep.

_Come on Ed, a little farther._

"I'm so tired," I sigh, breaking my vow of silence. He gives me a hug and begins tapping, no doubt to tell me to move my pathetic ass-

_I'm not surprised. You look ill._

"I do?"

_You're pale and trembling, your voice is raspy. You've been in the cold too long._

Do I really look like that? Geez, without my senses I don't even realize it.

I walk farther with him, pleased to feel the stiffness slowly work itself out with each new step. He has hold of my wrist, but I take more and wrap my free arm around his for extra security and comfort.

"I'm sorry," I murmur, paying mind to my irritated throat as I speak. "I-I hope you can-um-forgive...well, truce?"

_So eloquent, Ed. We really must get you drunk more often._

"You love trouble don't you?"

_I chose you as my partner, didn't I?_

"_Hey!_"


	47. Chapter 47

Hey guys, I know compared to my usual update speed, this one took a while. The next one may as well. My grandfather has developed lung cancer and all of my time goes to work, doctor appointments, and home care. And today my grandmother strained her knee and now she needs to rest... (fat chance, they're both so stubborn). I'm sure you understand that I just don't have the energy or drive to work on this like usual.

Until next chapter! ❤

* * *

The car ride home was brief and uncharacteristically quiet due to Ed falling asleep shortly after being gently placed inside. He napped the entire way, waking only when Roy gave him a light shake upon arrival.

_Ed, hey, we're here_.

"Here? Home?" His voice was hoarse and he still looked completely drained.

_Yes_.

"I hope he doesn't end up sick from this. He has enough to deal with right now." Roy coaxed Ed slowly out of the car while Riza accompanied them.

"I wouldn't doubt he does," Riza replied. "Start your fireplace and keep him company while I make you both some hot soup."

"Not too hot for Ed, it'll-"

"I know, Roy." She smiled and opened the door for them both, allowing uninterrupted passage to the comfy couch.

As Riza disappeared into the kitchen to make their dinner, Roy situated Ed on the couch and wrapped the blanket around him. One snap and the fireplace exploded to life, causing Ed to jump in surprise.

"Wh-what was-"

_My alchemy_, Roy replied, calming Ed immediately. _You'll be warm soon._

"Oh. Okay." Though ready to lay down, Ed was stopped by Roy. He protested with a hoarse whine, but moaned happily when he realized Roy was sliding under him for spoony snuggles.

_You don't like this at all, do you?_

"Love it, smartass." Ed settled into Roy's embrace, the blanket and the fire rapidly warming his chilled body.

_Love you too, Ed_.

* * *

After he lit his fireplace, he snuggled up with me on the couch. I warmed up rapidly, but the fuzziness in my mind never really left. It's been so long since I've been drunk that I don't remember if this is normal.

Then again, I think I passed out last time.

Heehee.

I love laying with him like this. I'm so glad I have the chance to do it again before I die.

Not that I plan on dying any time soon.

He's made it clear that he's sticking with me through this, even if I lose it over and over.

I'm not going to, though. He was right. This _isn't_ my fault. I won't let Kurkowski win, I won't give in to his abuse any longer.

Despite all my confidence...

"Roy," I mumble, feeling his hand press acknowledgingly on my stomach. "Can-can I stay home tomorrow?"

_Yes_.

I spend the next few minutes catching my breath as we relax together. I don't know why my breathing is hindered but I suspect it's our laying position.

This position, this comfort, this _security_... it's so peaceful and _safe_ and I'm nearly asleep when he nudges me awake and sits me up.

"What, whaaat. In't it night yet?"

_Dinner_.

"Oh. You made dinner while you were with me?"

_Riza cooks_.

"Oh well at least it'll be edible. Sorry Riza I-I can't comment on taste."

_It's delicious_, Roy taps to me.

"What is it?" I ask, wishing to know more despite myself. I no longer feel bad about asking others to describe things for me, since it's the only way I can really experience them.

_Vegetable soup. Carrots, parsnips, celery, onions, everything is cooked soft and there's just the right amount of salt._

I close my eyes as he feeds me the first spoonful. The imaginative side of my mind works eagerly to pass on the comforting illusion to my missing senses.

I can smell the soup. As it flows down my throat, I feel the warmth and the salt tingles my flavor-virgined tongue, mixing with the flavors of the vegetables as their soft textures dissolve into mouthwatering bliss.

"It's delicious," I repeat Roy's words. "Can she cook for us all the time?"

_Don't like my cooking?_

"You're known as alchemist and Colonel, not chef."

_You can't judge. You've never tasted my cooking._

"And that's my-my fault?"

_You know I didn't mean it like that._

"I know you didn't," I reply with a sly grin.

_You little shit._

"Don't call me _little!_"

* * *

The coughing woke me from sound sleep. My lungs spasmed in thrusting exhale and gasping inhale, lungs struggling to re-inflate before my sore throat triggered more dizzying coughs.

Through my oxygen-deprived state, I don't realize at first that someone _else_ is rolling me onto my side. The position seems to help though, and as I'm sat up, the coughing lessens even more.

What _caused_ that?

I put a hand to my sore throat as my mind clears, the fog dissolving just for me to realize I have a headache and I'm still incredibly tired. The pressure running up and down the vertebrae in my spine alerts me to Roy's company.

"What time is it?"

_Two AM._

"Why the hell are we awake?"

_I think you caught a cold._

"Oh hell no. I'm not putting up with that-that crap."

_You ran away._

"No shit." I lay back down with a groan, scooting backward to snuggle against Roy. "Did I mention how much that coughing fucking _hurts_ my rib?"

_Just relax and sleep, Ed._

Relax, my ass. Not with this headache and this rib.

Oh well. It's not like I have to get up in time for work!

* * *

Despite Roy's attempts, he couldn't scoot Ed out of bed before work in the morning. His blonde partner remained in a half-awake state and clutched at his pillow like a lifeline, refusing to even comprehend Roy's Dorset.

"Ed, get _up!_" Roy insisted in frustration as though Ed would magically hear him. He yanked on Ed's waist, sliding him down the bed halfway and earning an annoyed whine.

"Roy let me sleep I'm still _tiiiired!_"

_You can nap while I'm at work._

"Go away," he replied with a groan. He made no move to situate himself back in his spot on the bed despite his flesh leg hanging off the edge.

_Ed, get up_.

"I want to sleep."

_Me too, but I have to work._

"Then go to work!"

"A-ha! You _are_ listening to me."

_Just let me bathe you first_.

"We can do it tonight."

_Just because you __**can't**_ _smell doesn't mean you __**don't**_ _smell._

"What? I smell?" Ed's pride woke him up just enough to participate in the conversation.

_Like beer and vomit and dog and soup and sweat._

"You're making that up."

_I wish I were_.

"Oh _fine_." Ed laboriously crawled out of the bed, appearing only overly dramatic until he literally fell off the mattress and hit the floor.

_Ed?_

"Take me downstairs," he moaned, hanging his head forward. "I'm dizzy.*

_And tired_.

"_Really_ tired."

Roy smiled and lifted Ed in his arms, both surprised and concerned when Ed neither protested nor flailed from the sudden change in position and loss of _grounding_.

For the entire trip downstairs, Roy's attention was on the man in his arms. Ed's breathing was thick with congestion, and Roy could see that he was just as tired as he claimed.

"How Alphonse ever kept you in line through your childhood, I'll never know." Roy sighed as he made his way to the bathroom, nearly tripping and toppling them both in alarm when the phone suddenly rang. "Shit, not the time for this!"

He improvised and set Ed on his feet, yanked the blond's pants down and sat him on the toilet before bolting off. He heard an exaggerated yawn behind him as he slid into his study and answered the phone, greeting his caller while panting.

"Roy? Are you unwell?"

"Alphonse," Roy breathed a sigh of relief. "Just running. I'm well, it's your brother who's caught a cold."

"He caught a-how? I understand it's the season, but he'd have to have been exposed to the virus."

"He's been more social and adventurous lately."

"You're getting him out of the house more often?"

"Yeah, and the guys at the office really enjoy his company. Hold on, I left Ed in the bathroom."

"You left-" Al was cut off as Roy sat the phone down and sprinted once again, deciding to task Fuery with inventing a portable phone. He arrived to find Ed comically sleeping on the toilet, managing to keep near perfect upright posture and remain seated on his porcelain throne.

"Only you," Roy murmured. He gently moved Ed to the couch without waking him, leaving him to rest until after the phone call.

"He's napping on the couch," Roy announced his return with peaceful news.

"How is he?"

"Well, his symptoms began today. Just congestion, fatigue and a bit of coughing."

"Oh, boy. I'm sorry, sir. He's always a handful when he's ill."

"Aren't we all?"

"He can be especially stubborn."

"He didn't even want to wake up for his morning bath."

"He couldn't have been too dirty that you couldn't wait until after work," Alphonse interjected just slightly over protectively.

"He's been _quite_ a bit more adventurous lately," Roy insisted.

"Should I even ask?"

"Honestly, it's not something I'd care to explain over the phone."

Silence met Roy as Alphonse paused in concern, only spanning the tentative unease into tangibility.

"Roy, should I consider a visit?"

"I think Ed would benefit from a visit with his brother. Help to root his mind in reality. He struggles with that lately."

"Is he okay, Roy?" Al's earlier curiosity had shifted to clear concern.

"He's fine, Alphonse. Shall we expect you to visit soon?"

"I'll leave today."

"Right. I'll try to reduce his contagious..._ness_ before you arrive."

"Take care of my big brother," Al warned, though Roy could hear just a hint of joking in his voice.

"Of course, Alphonse. See you in a few days."

* * *

After a rather disoriented, discombobulated and disobedient blond man received a bath and was sent back to bed, Roy arrived at work, and only a half hour late. He received no expected scolding from his Lieutenant, only an understanding nod of empathy. He quickly got to work, but as time passed, home was on his mind more than work.

_I shouldn't have come in today. I should have called in sick_.

The same thoughts had been bombarding Roy for an hour, had been invading his focus on political matters as he tried to mentally address them.

_Ed might need my help. What if he has a fever?_

Futility was the word Roy would describe his current workday.

_I should be home with him to make sure he doesn't fall over from being dizzy. Oh god what if he hits his head on something?_

He would never progress on his military goals with that boy floundering helplessly at home.

_What if he has to vomit and misses the toilet and falls in it?_

He's probably safe and asleep in bed yet.

_What if he's too disoriented to find the fridge?_

Stop over thinking it, Roy.

_What if he gets dehydrated?_

That's it. Lunchtime would arrive in just a short half hour, and at that time he would claim feeling a bit ill himself and request the remainder of his day off. He would receive no argument from anyone, least of all his Lieutenant; only hopes for a speedy recovery.

He just had no idea what he would find at home.

Several hours of an unsupervised, unwell Edward Elric...

When Roy arrived, he was surprised to find relative order. Ed was laying on the couch, curled up in a ball with his ass just about hanging off the edge. Though at first glance he seemed merely asleep, Roy soon discovered otherwise. He was sweating and flushed, shivering despite the warmth in the home.

"Hell, do you really have a fever?" Roy checked Ed's temperature, finding him unseasonably warm. From the amount of sweat on Ed's clothing and the blanket he was laying on, he appeared to be just getting over the fever.

"Ed," Roy began, switching to Dorset moments later; _How do you feel?_

If Ed had acknowledged Roy's presence, he made no indication of it. He shuddered, one large and encompassing shiver, and slid off the couch to land at Roy's feet with enough disorientation and nausea to vomit on Roy before he could be moved.

"...You are not having a good day." Roy gently helped Ed to his feet, leading the compliantly feverish Edward to the bathroom.

"Alphonse?" Ed asked tiredly, clutching Roy's arm for balance. "Al am I sick again?"

Once they were in the bathroom, Roy tapped him a message.

_Ed, it's me, Roy_.

"Al? Why are you so quiet?"

_Ed?_

"I'm so tired," Ed sighed, slumping in the tub as Roy cleaned him off and helped to finish off his fever with a soothing bath. "Al don't tell Roy I got sick again," Ed suddenly blurted. "We gotta go out for more leads right away."

"Leads? Dammit, he's delirious. I just wonder how his lack of senses aren't affecting his memories..."

As he finished cleaning up and after Edward, Roy called Riza to alert her to his condition and to inform that Roy would be staying home with him. He was thankful but politely refused when she offered to cook for them again, as he was able and didn't want to spread illness any more than necessary.

"Aaaaaal," Ed called from the couch, alerting Roy to his incapacitated partner. "I'm _thirsty_."

"How the hell would you know," Roy muttered as he obligingly grabbed a smoothie for Ed. "You can't feel your mouth."

"Al?" Ed spluttered in coughing when Roy tried to feed him the smoothie, turning his head when Roy tried a second time. "Ya tryin' ta kill me?!"

_Ed, drink this before you get_-

"Hell I feel sick," Ed interrupted with a moan, gripping Roy's arm painfully tight as he fought off nausea.

"You really have no idea what's going on right now, do you?" Roy frowned and sat the smoothie to the side, pulling Ed into his arms to soothingly rub his back. The tense muscles quickly relaxed under his touch, congested wheezing and habitual sniffling replaced with relaxed breathing.

"There you go, Ed. Feeling better now?"

Almost as though he'd picked up on Roy talking, Ed coughed before he spoke. "Still thirsty, Al."

"You little pain in the ass."

"Did you call me small?!" Ed retorted, though his reply had an alarming lack of volition.

"Yes, Edward, I did." Roy placed the smoothie in Ed's hands, hoping that this time he'd figure it out-

"Oh hey one o' my drinks," Ed said airily, Roy celebrating a small victory as Ed tilted the cup back and downed it.

"I was worried I'd have to stick you with the IV again," Roy said to Ed's deaf ears as the cup clattered clumsily to the floor. "You just saved us both from that."

"Hey Al, why..." Ed trailed off as he turned his clouded eyes upward, appearing to look directly into Roy's. Realization dawned and a smile appeared on his flushed face. "Hell Roy, I think I'm a li'l delirious. Thought you were Al."

_Ed?_ Roy curiously tapped Dorset to Ed's chest. _How did you_-

"Are you making words? I can't make out words. I can feel it but I-" He paused for a coughing fit. "_Hell_. Can't decode it."

"Just like old times," Roy sighed. "We did just fine without Dorset before. Just focus on recuperating."

"Roy? That is you right?"

_Nod_.

"Am I sick?"

_Yes_.

"You work today?"

_Yes_.

"Oh." Ed frowned and leaned against Roy, insecurely fiddling with his casted right hand. "Um, Roy... Do you _have_ to go to work?"

_No_.

"Because, I mean-I feel like-I um, I-I don't know if-" He sighed in exasperation. "I didn't even know you were _you_."

_Nod_.

"I need supervision," Ed muttered, hanging his head.

_Yes_.

"Um-unless y-you want to take me with you?"

_No_.

"Contagious?"

_Yes_.

"And troublesome?"

_Yes_.

"You're an asshole."

_Yes_.

"I still love you."

Roy slowly tapped Dorset to Ed, waiting for each letter to sink in.

_Me too_.

Ed smiled and slipped into Roy's arms, blissfully slipping out of awareness with the knowledge that he'd be safe in that protective embrace.


	48. Chapter 48

Thanks for your support, guys! I'm drifting between worlds, to put it poetically. I don't escape to Amestris as often as I used to. Sometimes I visit that pixely world we all know as minecraft. I love to build!

* * *

Roy _pampered_ me today. At least, I think he did. Half the time, I'll admit, I was either coughing or unaware of what was going on.

All I remember is that I didn't have to navigate at all. He brought me food and he took me to the bathroom. He took care of my every need and I was glad, because it was all I could do to stay _conscious_.

_Ed? Ed?_

Hell, Dorset. I can barely comprehend my own two-lettered name.

I open my mouth to request no more Dorset. I think some words made it out, but they were followed by coughing.

It's only been one day, but I am so _over_ being sick.

_Ed. Eat_.

What, _more_ food? I already _told_ him I don't have an appetite. I refuse by turning my head away and down, gently pushing his hand away as he tries to convince me again to eat.

"Roy I'm not _hungry_."

_Ed_-

"I said I'm not _hungry_ Roy! I already ate today!"

_Once_.

"Usually when I'm sick I don't eat at all. Once is fine."

_No_.

"I just feel like it'll come back up anyway."

_Eat_.

"I'm not eating."

_Eat_.

"Tomorrow? Please? I'm sick, I'm nauseated, tired, all I can do is cough and sleep."

_Eat_.

"_Roy!_" I scoot back on the couch, edging farther from him. "You're going to make me _sick!_"

_Eat_.

"Fine, if I have _one_, will that be enough for you?"

_Yes_.

Finally, a compromise. People call _me_ stubborn, I wonder if they know Mustang!

I drink the smoothie for him, pretty sure I'm leaving some in the bottle as I hand it back to him. I'm not trying to be a wiseass, I just feel like anything more will come right back up.

_More?_

"No," I moan. "I'll be lucky to keep _this_ down."

_OK_.

I've finally won. I beat Roy Mustang! I should gloat about it. A battle of willpower and I won! Or wait, did he? I _did_ cave and end up drinking more of my food.

I swear, my brain is rocketing around so carelessly. I must be delirious yet.

He's shaking my shoulder. What? What? Are you trying to tell me something? You know I can't understand right now. Unless I was blabbering like an idiot. That's entirely possible.

I ask him which it was, but he doesn't answer me, he just shakes me again. The vibration in my throat hasn't stopped which means I'm still talking but I don't know _what_ I'm saying, honestly I do feel a little dizzy right now so I might be more delirious than I realize.

I'm still talking. A giggle interrupts the speech as I realize how _absurd_ I must look and sound right now. When he shakes my shoulders yet again I clamp my left hand over my mouth to try and silence whatever nonsense has been spilling out.

_Ed?_

"Sorry!"

I giggle again and only make myself feel _more_ like an idiot.

"I shouldn't _talk_ right now."

_You're d_...

D? I didn't make that out. D-what?

"Dizzy? Delirious? _Dopey?_" I laugh again.

_Bed_.

"I am tired. That sounds good to me."

I wait for him to lead me, because I haven't even the sense of direction to find the stairwell.

_Blow_.

Oh, _this_ again?

I suck in a deep breath of air, clamp my mouth shut and blow as hard as I can through my nose.

I can feel the congestion as sinus pressure and obstructed breathing, but I can't feel if it's running out of my nose and down my face.

I feel like a _baby_.

My head moves to the side a bit as he wipes all the snot off. That's what he must be doing, right? What else could it be? I hold my irritated throat for another few seconds after the movement stops to spare him from the wrath of my coughing fit.

I hope I'm not this annoyingly sick tomorrow.

* * *

In the end, Roy had to carry Ed up the stairs to the bedroom, as Ed had tried and failed to climb them alongside Roy. The venture ended when Ed's automail slipped and brought him down on his head, earning a bleeding cut just at the hairline on the back of his head-and enough of a jolt for Ed to regress to the kidnapping and try to fight Roy off.

Once Ed was again mostly lucid, he accepted Roy's helpful arms and slipped into an exhausted but contented sleep before they had even reached the second floor.

The night passed by with little interruption. Several times Ed coughed in his sleep and woke Roy, but never himself and he simply quieted, his raspy breath evening out as he remained in dreamland.

"Time to find out if you're doing any better today than yesterday," Roy commented as he woke in the morning. With a gentle shake, Ed's eyes fluttered open and the gate of his mind soon followed.

"Roy?"

_Good morning, Ed._

"Good...morning. My head feels really slow."

_Sick_.

"Yeah...I know. I'll wait here, go make me coffee. I think I need that to wake up this morning."

_OK_.

Roy disappeared to put on the morning brew, returning ten minutes later with a cup in each hand...only to find Ed sleeping yet again, drooling on _Roy's_ pillow.

"Dammit, Ed..." Roy sat the cups down and shook Ed awake, graced with a lapful of hot coffee when Ed woke with a start, swiped his arm out and knocked one over.

"_YEEOW!_ Hot hot hot hot...!" Roy stripped his steaming pants off, wondering why Ed hit Roy's coffee and not his _own_ which had cooled thanks to ice cubes. "If I had held the cups, you'd _still_ have knocked them over. _Hell_ that hurt."

Ed had been staring right through Roy since the incident and finally spoke when there was a moment of silence, voice still affected by thick congestion.

"Roy? I felt something from you. What happened?"

_Nothing_.

"What? I imagined it?" Though Roy was going to brush off the incident as nothing, the distress on Ed's face made him change his mind. "But I'm never wrong about these-"

_Ed_.

"Y-yeah?"

Roy tapped the message slowly to Ed so that he could decode through the fog of illness.

_I spilled hot coffee on myself. I'm fine._

"...Oh. I see why you said nothing." He grinned sheepishly. "So you did bring coffee."

_Yes_.

"Good! Gimme." Ed reached out for it, chugging it down in seconds flat after a temperature test in his throat. "Perfect, thank you." He handed the cup back, proudly standing on his own once again-only to fall flat on his face when dizziness interrupted his first step.

"Pride is hard to come by this week." Ed sighed and pushed himself to his knees. "I guess the caffeine didn't kick in yet."

_Help?_

"We'd better if I'm to get anywhere." Ed smiled apologetically. "As if I'm not enough of a pain in the ass in my normal state, I give you all this trouble and keep you out of work. I'm sorry, Roy."

_No apologizing, Ed. This-_

"Hey slow-slow down," Ed insisted, sniffling back congestion. "Noddawake yet."

_None of this is your fault, or fair to you._

"But I shouldn't make you suffer for it."

_That's a part of love. We can't bear to see our loved ones suffer, so we share the pain. _

Ed turned his watery eyes to gaze at Roy, and it was clear in mere moments that the tears weren't from sickness; they were from awe.

"I'm-" Ed clutched at Roy's shirt, ducking his head down and muffling his emotional speech. "I'm so lucky to have you."

_Yeah you are._

Ed choked out a laugh, punching Roy playfully in the chest. "S-smartass. I love you."

_I love you too_.

* * *

To Roy's relief the caffeine _did_ kick in and enable Ed to navigate the home nearly flawlessly. With Ed's insistence Roy agreed to head off to work, but only after five minutes of training to reach Ed to find and use tissues.

Promising to blow his nose and wash his face every half hour, Ed reassured Roy that he'd be _fine_.

"I won't get a fever. I won't get dizzy and fall over. I won't pass out."

_What if_-

"Roy go to work, I'll be waiting for you when you get home." Ed wrapped his arms around Roy's middle for a comforting hug. "Before Riza comes after us _both_."

_Don't even joke about that._

They both shared a laugh before Roy finally had Ed accompany him to the front door for departure.

_Take care of yourself, Ed._

"What do I look like, a baby?"

_Sometimes you act like one._

"Oh go to work you old bastard."

_I'll miss you too._

Ed waited until the door his hand was resting on had closed. Only then did he allow his stupid giggle of happiness to slip out before running back to the couch and jumping on it blissfully.

* * *

Though Roy had driven home to check on Ed during his lunch break, he'd only found the blond man peacefully napping on the couch. Roy had smiled as he hovered over Ed, brushing the blond hair from his serene face before leaving once more.

It wasn't until his return in the evening after his workday had ended that Roy ran into the inevitable trouble with Ed.

He could tell as soon as he saw Ed lazing tiredly on the couch that the man was unwell. Despite how Ed had appeared to be recovering on Roy's lunch break, he seemed to have taken a downhill turn.

Ed looked exhausted. He was holding his head gently with his left hand, expression of discomfort accompanying well the soft groans that slipped out between his heavy breathing.

_Ed?_

Roy had to tap his name several times before receiving an answer of a loud groan.

_What's wrong?_

"Head hurts."

_Why?_

"I'm _sick_, you dumbass."

"And obstinate as all hell," Roy muttered as he checked Ed over. "Doesn't seem to be a fever... I'll get you some water to take an aspirin."

It wasn't until Roy reached into the refrigerator to grab a nourishing smoothie for Ed that he noticed an alarming fact: there were just as many of Ed's red bottles as Roy had counted before he left in the morning.

No _wonder_ Ed had a headache! He hadn't eaten anything the whole day, and with his cold, he was more dehydrated than normal.

"Ed, I don't believe you." Roy sighed and shook his head, grabbing three of the bottles to take with him. "Wait, yes, I do. You stubborn little idiot."

Returning to the blond's side, Roy gently sat him up and stuck a bottle in Ed's hands.

_Eat_.

"I'm not really hungry," Ed typically replied with disinterest. "I haven't been all day."

_I know. You're dehydrated_.

"What? I am?"

_Yes. Now eat_.

"But Roy..."

_Eat or I put your IV back in._

"Roy, that's-" Ed's expression changed from insult to intrigue as he hesitated. "...a good idea. Go ahead."

_You really want me to_-

"Yeah. I don't feel like eating."

"You're still gonna eat," Roy muttered as he reluctantly walked off for Ed's IV kit. Abound with renewed determination on his return, Roy hooked Ed up to the IV securely before taking his spot under Ed on the couch in a seated spooning position. He quickly alleviated Ed's confusion by placing one of the smoothie bottles to numb lips and cued Ed to swallow by tilting his head back.

"Rhy whht-" Ed's speech was muffled by the bottle Roy held in place, realizing what was going on when Roy tapped the overused Dorset to his chest.

_Eat_.

Exaggerated exasperation escaped Ed's esophagus just before his failed attempt to turn away from the bottle.

_I'm not giving up_.

"Assh'le," Ed muttered as he finally caved and sucked in a deep helping of his smoothie. _Just_ to pacify Roy, he polished off the entire bottle, albeit smoothly.

"_Happy_ now?"

_Yes. Another_.

"Another _what?!_" Ed cried in disbelief, his question answered when his head was again tipped back with a full bottle. He just as quickly turned his head away in newly attempted denial, angry eyes hitting the mark with scary accuracy in a glare _just_ for Roy. "Dammit I told you to put the IV in! I _felt_ the needle, you _prick_, why do I need to drink more?!"

_Still dehydrated_.

"That's what the IV is for!"

_Smoothies have vitamins. I don't have those in your IV_.

"Well I can't help your incompetency!"

_But you can help your stubbornness._

"Roy I'm not _hungry!_"

_This is just a battle of wills, and you can't stand to lose._

"With you I've already lost," Ed grumbled, grappling blindly for the smoothie.

_Ed?_

"No I-" Ed sighed and relaxed in Roy's arms as he shouldered the guilt of his statement. "I didn't mean that how it-how it sounded. I mean... you're just as stubborn as I am. Besides how can I say no to you?" he smiled sheepishly. "You're such a pain but I dig it."

"Wow, Edward." Roy laughed and placed the smoothie in Ed's hands, closing the fingers on his left hand around the bottle securely and aiding him in holding it. "I'm flattered."

"You're laughing, aren't you?"

_Not a chance. I dig you too, Ed_.

"Oh god, you're never gonna let that slide are you," Ed muttered with a yank, popping the plastic audibly against his front teeth before depleting the bottle.

_Nope_.

"Alright-" Ed handed the bottle to Roy as he dramatically placed a hand to his flat tummy. "I'm _done_ with your stupid smoothies."

_Good job._ Roy smiled deceptively as Ed relaxed in his arms. _Just one more_.

"Oh _hell_ no!"

* * *

"No, no more!"

"Oh come _on_ Ed, you can take a _little_ more!"

Alphonse had almost felt bad about stealing into Roy's house upon his arrival, but concern overrode guilt as he made his way closer to the voices.

"I've had _enough!_"

"Don't quit now, you're getting close."

"Hey-hey take it out-"

"Almost there! A little more!"

"Can't we _stop?_ I feel like I'm going to burst!"

"Dammit Ed, just suck it down, you're almost done!"

"Too much, too much!"

Alphonse flew into the room just after Ed's last whine, skidding to a stop when he saw the object of Ed's protesting: a red plastic bottle held to his mouth.

"_Ed?_"

The Elric in question had one hand on his belly and the other on Roy's head, trying to futilely to push him away. He sniffled congestion between huffing, heavy breathing an exaggerated attempt to escape more food. As Roy paused for only a moment to acknowledge Al's arrival, Ed froze and turned his golden eyes toward his younger brother.

"Al, this is _not_ what it looks like."


	49. Chapter 49

Ah, you guys. Your reviews are great. I end up laughing my tail off from your comments! Always a good thing. (:

* * *

"Brother?!"

"Don't-don't look at me like that," Ed stammered as he gave one final shove and sent Roy rolling off the couch to hit the floor. "He's _stuffing_ me with food! I told him I've had enough but he won't let up!"

Alphonse _almost_ felt bad for Edward, especially for the exaggerated whine in his voice. However, he knew how an ill Edward acted.

"He was dehydrated, wasn't he?"

"I made the mistake of leaving him unattended all day. He seemed well enough to move around, but..."

"His stubbornness always got the best of him," Al sighed. "He never has an appetite when sick."

"So I've noticed."

"Hey, can this come out now?" Without waiting for either able adult to assist him, Ed yanked on the IV cord and ripped it out of his arm, the needle following and rather gracelessly splattering blood right on Roy's face. Unaware, Ed turned his expectant gaze to Al. "Tell him I ate enough. He made me drink _three_ of my smoothies! All at once!"

"_Ed_ward..." The blood smeared as Roy tried to wipe it off, leaving his face a humorously macabre mess of red.

"Alphonse?" Ed reached out for confirmation as he'd only received silence. "That-that _is_ you, right?"

"Yeah, Ed." Al reached out to nod Ed's head by the ponytail, spirits lifted when rewarded with a winning grin.

"Good to see you again, Alphonse." Ed threw himself forward in a hug, nearly knocking his little brother over. "How is Winry? Did she come?"

_No_.

"Oh good," Ed sighed in relief, stiffening when Al punched his arm in scolding. "I-I mean she won't be dragging us along for shopping! ...Unless she gave you a list of parts."

_Yes_.

"Spare me," Ed whined pleadingly. "I'm sick, I'm not _well_ enough to go _parts shopping!_"

"Of course not Ed," Al laughed while Roy mercifully nodded Ed's head. "But we _are_ going to spar before I leave."

"He should be feeling well enough for that tomorrow," Roy suggested. "Though he may need for you to go slow at first."

"Because he's ill, or because he's underweight?" Al turned his accusing eyes to Roy. "I thought you were taking care of his diet."

"I am! He's been sick for a few days, you know he doesn't eat when he's ill!"

"He's lost too much weight for just a few days of illness, Colonel!"

"We're managing as well as we can, Alphonse. His appetite has been fluctuating."

"_Fluctuating?_ Roy, you ask _any_ doctor and they'll tell you he needs to gain-"

"Are you two arguing?" Ed interrupted their quarrel with his question, brows furrowed in concentration as he focused on the energy. His suspicions were confirmed when the energy died down to be replaced by a calmness representing their guilt. "I can sense that, you know. Why are you arguing? I thought you guys got along. It had better not be on my account!"

Al stepped forward to better inspect his brother's level of weight loss, hesitating only when Ed curiously gazed right at him as he moved. With a bit of poking and prodding, Alphonse found out that Ed wasn't as thin as he thought-as well as Ed could feel his touch just enough to shy away uneasily.

"Al? Al w-what are you doing?"

Roy watched curiously as the brothers worked to find their own way of communication. Al placed Ed's hands on his belly, then moved them to his own.

"Yeah, I ate too much. Roy _stuffed_ me."

"No Ed, that's not what-" Elrics, never the idiots, caught every little detail. "Roy? You know who he is?"

"Al what-" Ed brought his hand up to reach for Al, but it froze upon abruptly connecting with Al's face. "Oops."

"Roy, how did you tell him who you are? Or did he guess it?"

"Alphonse?"

"Ed just _wait_," Al insisted impatiently, immediately feeling guilty when Ed took a tentative step back in fear.

"Al? Did-did I make you mad?"

"No, brother." Al comforted his brother with a shake of the head.

"Did you snap-um, scold me?"

_No_.

"Roy? Did I imagine it?" Though missing Roy, Ed's golden eyes moved off his brother as he sought unbiased alleviation of his uncertainty.

"He doesn't trust me to tell him the truth?"

"Maybe he's just worried you'll sugar-coat it." Roy reached forward to place his hand to Ed's chest, fascinating yet confusing Al as he tapped out a message.

_You didn't imagine it, but it wasn't directed at you._

"Then why did he-"

_He was asking me how you know me._

"You didn't _tell_ him yet?!"

_Um. No._

"Roy you _jackass!_" Ed cried in disbelief. "You really _are_ mentally challenged!"

"You can talk to him?!" Al exclaimed eagerly.

"All who join the military are required to learn Dorset code," Roy said rather authoritatively, though the shame of his forgetfulness was clear on his face.

"And you never thought to try communicating with him using it _before?!_"

"Well-neither did _he!_"

"He didn't know who he was _around!_"

"He could have _tried_."

"_You_ didn't!"

"Roy told you, didn't he." While the two had been arguing, a grin appeared on Ed's face that only grew with each passing minute. "I know I'm great but you can stop fighting over me."

"_Fighting_ over-"

"Oh Ed," Al sighed in exasperation. "You'll never change, will you."

"You love me," Ed goaded, reading Al's emotion a bit _too_ accurately.

"No, we _tolerate_ you," Roy corrected.

Ed opened his mouth to reply, but clamped it shut and narrowed his eyes.

"The contempt is so strong it's _tangible_."

Ed crossed his arms in annoyance as his company laughed at his reaction. He couldn't stay upset for long though, as the lightheartedness floated over to him and he felt himself laughing as well.

"He is happy here though, isn't he." Al smiled and pulled Ed to him in a sideways hug, chuckling when his older brother squeaked in reflex.

"He tells me that, yes. I'm happy to have him here."

"Roy?" Ed reached his good hand out, recognizing the grasp on it by the gentle tug in his elbow and shoulder. "Does my brother know Dorset?"

_No_.

"Oh no, how will I communicate with him?" Al whined.

"Don't worry, I can get you a Dorset chart in minutes. It's really easy to learn and memorize."

_Roy. Roy._

Though Ed was actually tapping the Dorset to Roy's arm and not the chest, he recognized it easily and readily replied.

_Yes Ed?_

_What else haven't you told Al?_

_Pretty well everything._

_I don't want him to know about the kidnapping._

_What? Ed-_

_If he has to learn about it, I want it to be from me. That's final. Now teach him Dorset so I can talk to my little brother._

_Of course._

"What was all of that?" Al asked curiously.

"Your brother reminding me how important it is that he's able to communicate with you and that I'd better teach you Dorset immediately or he'll make my life hell. And I don't doubt that he would."

"He loves you too much," Al insisted.

"Al did he teach you yet?"

_No_.

"Hell! He taught his _girlfriend_ at the bar, he can teach you!"

"Girlfriend at a _bar?_ Roy, what have I missed while I've been gone?"

"Ed has gotten much better at living without his senses," Roy replied in amusement.

"Did you let him get _drunk?_"

"Of course not!" Roy insisted, feigning innocence. "...Havoc did."

"How could-how could you be so _irresponsible?_"

"What's so bad about it, Al? He _is_ an adult, he can handle a little bit of intoxication."

"Letting him get drunk in _his state_-"

"What _state?_ He has trouble navigating and interpreting the world, he's not _mentally disabled-_"

"Are you guys talking about me?" Ed asked in concern, just a hint of anger in his voice. "I can sense-well I-I can't put it into words but I-I'm not a _child!_"

"We didn't say you are, Ed-"

"No, but I'm treating him like one." Al sighed and attempted to rub away the beginning of a headache from his temples. "Please explain my apology to him."

"Of course." Roy tapped Ed's chest to calm him and grab his attention.

"No lies, I'll know," he growled.

_Of course not. Al apologizes. He's just overprotective of you, he doesn't want to limit you._

"What was it about?"

_You getting drunk._

"Really? Geez Al, it's not the _first_ time I've had alcohol!" His sourness disappeared with a smile. "...Thanks for watching out for me, little bro."

"You really can talk to him. I'm so happy he can _communicate_ again," Al said with a relieved laugh.

"If only we could have saved him so much trouble in the beginning," Roy replied with a sigh.

"Yeah. But we're lucky that you both know Dorset."

"And that it's so easy to learn! I'll go write it down for you."

"Thank you, Roy."

Ed and his brother were left alone while Roy ran off, giving Al the opportunity to focus his chi in silence. He opened his eyes minutes later to find Ed standing right next to him and looking him straight in the eye, arms crossed with a challenging expression.

"Um, Ed? What-"

"Did you get better with the whole energy thing or did I? Because I swear I can _really_ pick up on you."

"Well I haven't-"

"Are you talking? I think you're talking. Don't be as dense as Roy! I can't _hear_ you."  
Al shook Ed's head for No, he hadn't been practicing.

"Really? So it's me?" Ed grinned broadly, even puffed out his chest a bit. "Take _that_, Kurkowski!"

"Who?" Alphonse luckily didn't match the name to their assailant from years ago. "A friend?"

"Hey Al did he teach you any Dorset yet?"

_No_.

"Oh come _on! _Roy!" Ed hollered impatiently for his partner. "_Roooy! _I want to talk to my _brother!_"

"I'm coming, Ed!" Roy called back as if Ed could hear it, but Ed didn't seem to pick up on it-despite the fact he sensed Al barely shift his weight to the other foot.

"Al? You move?"

"Um, yeah." _Nod_. "I wouldn't have expected you to pick up on that before you lost your senses..."

"Hey, Al. Um... Would you be ah... ashamed of me...if I told you that I'm-that I'm okay with being like this?"

"What? Ed?"

"Y-you know, blind and deaf and...everything else. It bothers me less all the time."

"Oh Ed, how could you be okay with it? With what you had before and what you don't have now..."

"I mean yeah I lost a lot," Ed continued as though reading Al's mind, "and I'll always miss my senses. But I have love and support and friends and Roy and you'd be surprised, even a _life_."

"And you're content like this," Al said quietly, pulling Ed into a firm hug.

"For him to not be would condemn him," Roy replied solemnly. He handed the Dorset guide sheet to Al and turned to relax on the couch.

"Oh good!" Ed exclaimed, erasing the darkened mood of the room. "Roy got you the Dorset guide. Now you can talk to me!"

"Ed _how_ did you-"

"He just _knows_," Roy replied cryptically. "He's done that to me a few times. Still weirds me the hell out."

"Winry will be glad to hear he hasn't changed a bit." Al chuckled as the scanned the dots and dashes on the sheet, trying to commit them to memory in mere minutes.

"You know, practice makes perfect. It's the best way to learn, and Ed sure looks eager to hear actual words from his little brother."

"Right, of course." Al reached forward, hand hovering in hesitation just above Ed's chest. A quick glance revealed golden eyes tracking the hand uncannily well, expectancy clear on his face. "So I just-"

"Gently beat the crap out of your brother, yeah. A light hit is a dot; a harder hit is a dash. Remember that you can hit too light, but it's difficult to be too rough."

"Because he can't feel cutaneous pressure," Al mumbled, eyes scanning the sheet again.

"Al? Are you trying to mem-memorize Dorset in sixty seconds?"

_Nod_.

"You know it took me a few days to learn it really well."

_Tap-tap_.

"I..."

_Tap-thump._

"A.."

_Thump-thump_.

"M..."

_Tap-tap-tap._

"S..."

_Thump-thump, tap-thump._

"M, A- wait are you trying to tell me you're _smarter?!_"

_Nod_.

"Like hell you are!" Ed gave his brother a playful shove. "You tell _me_ who's the famous Elric brother!"

Al laughed and hugged Ed around the ribs, backing off instantly at his reflexive gasp of pain.

"Ed?"

_Tap...thump-tap-tap_.

"Sorry Al. I ah-" Ed hesitated as he squeezed his eyes shut and brought his hand to his head, putting a decent amount of effort into saving face. "I-I fell down the stairs a week ago. Broke my hand and a rib."

"Geez, Ed! Were you supervised?!"

"At the time of the accident, I was fetching Ed's food." Roy was rather impressed by the fact that he and Ed were so far being truthful with Al, despite the thin line to lies that would be all too easy to cross.

Al lifted Ed's hand for a better inspection, turning it over to read the writing scribbled about on it.

_Ed, can I sign your cast?_

"Sure! I'd be honored if you were the first to sign it."

"Uh..."

"I take it he doesn't know," Al muttered, doing his best to glare at Roy but failing miserably to hide his smile.

"Oh, well... I started it and then the guys at work..."

"Who is Dr. Stein?" Al gazed at the artful collage of signatures on Ed's red hand cast, easily finding a spot near the wrist to sign his own name.

"Uh, his chiropractor. Her real name is Dr. Reed, but Ed named her before he began using Dorset." Roy chuckled at the Frank and Stein joke in his memory. "She's lovely and a good sport. She prefers the name Ed gave her."

"Oh, I remember her! How could I forget? Ed named her when I took him to see her. She's tons of fun." Al signed his name to the cast with a smile. "Wasn't his chiropractic due to a mild back injury? I thought that had been healed by now."

"It has, but due to Ed's tendency to whack himself out of shape-"

"Are you talking about me again?" Ed interrupted suspiciously, snorting indignantly when Al nodded his head. "Knew it."

"His coordination is fairly good for what he's missing, but he still has an unfortunate tendency to stumble and sometimes...fall."

"Mostly due to automail," Al confirmed in understanding. "So she sees him for spinal maintenance."

"And massages, he loves massages."

"He can feel them?"

"Deep tissue, remember? He can feel the muscle right near the bone, as well as the skeletal shifting when pressure is applied."

"I love it when the bones in my spine shift under Roy's hands," Ed moaned dreamily, drawing the amazement of both men.

"Roy, did he hear us?!"

"No, Alphonse. Whether it's the Dragon Pulse telling him what's going on or something entirely different, he picks up on things and sometimes just knows what's going on. It really is eerie as hell."

"But so cool! Have you tried looking up cases like Ed's to see if there are similarities?"

"Sorry, I haven't. Between caring for Ed and our country, I've had little time for any research."

"...I understand."

"And you, Alphonse? Have you found any new and helpful information?"

"Nothing to improve Ed's condition, I'm afraid." Al sighed and hugged his brother, earning a cute disgruntled whine.

"There's a chance he may never regain what he's lost."

"But I could live like this, really. I'd like one sense back at least, one day, but if it never happens, I'd still be happy because I have the support of you guys and our friends." Ed smiled and squeezed his arm around Al's shoulders. "Don't look at me like that. I know what you guys are talking about. Do you have any _idea_ how strong the vibes are that you're giving off?"

Al held up the Dorset sheet with one hand as he tapped Ed's chest with the other.

_You're awesome, Brother._

"Thanks, Al. I know."

_And so modest_, Al added with a smile and shake of his head.

"Still the big bro you always knew and loved."

"Yeah, Ed."

"Only now I can get away with more crap because I'm blind and deaf!"

"Oh god, you're incorrigible."

"Now you know what I have to deal with, Alphonse," Roy said with a grin. "If you knew what kind of trouble he can be-"

"You think _you_ have trouble?!" Al cried in disbelief. "I grew _up_ with him!"


	50. Chapter 50

Longest wait for update ever? Oops. Real life gets in the way sometimes, haha.

_To MantaCat_: I'm still going for updates as soon as I can get them done. Unfortunately it's harder to find time to write.  
_To justaislinn_: Maybe Ed is secretly asexual and just doesn't want any. Not to mention lack of senses can mean lack of sensual input... ;)  
_To Taisiya Yuyu_: Roy is awesome. He loves Ed too much to risk hurting him.  
_To QueenWoofy and everyone else_: I'm so glad you guys love this story. It's great fun to write and envision!

* * *

I was having a great time when Al arrived and I was finally able to _talk_ to him. Unfortunately, he _did_ arrive at night, and we were all tired from a long day. We turned in, myself snuggling as usual with Roy while Alphonse adopted my couch-er, _the_ couch.

Gentle nudging wakes me from peaceful rest, clearing the colorful visions of fantasy and leaving a rainbow-mottled white expanse in front of my eyes. The colors quickly shift into an image of Roy holding a cup of coffee for me and I grin eagerly.

"Roy? Have coffee?"

_Good morning to you too. I'll go make some._

"I want to come with."

_Eager to see Al?_

"Of course! Plus..."

_Plus what?_

"It's kinda sappy. You might laugh."

_Maybe. But you know I love it when you show affection._

I can feel my head warm and I know I'm blushing. Dammit.

"I want to be close to you."

_You're too sweet._

"I know, sickeningly so." I slide out of bed and hold my hand out, patiently waiting until he takes it and we begin on our merry way.

One safe and uneventful trip down the stairs later, I'm bolting toward the couch to check on my little brother and see if he's awake. Unfortunately for him, he's still sleeping when I use my special 'big brother' method of leaping on the couch and tackling him.

There's a painful blow to my _cracked rib_ before we both tumble off the couch together and hit the floor, my body struggling to intake air between the heavy laughter interspersed with reflexive coughing.

Al shakes me by the shoulders before pulling me onto the couch. I feel the faint touch sliding up and down my back as soothing massage eases my annoyingly chaotic breathing, leaving me feeling _coddled_ again.

"Th-thanks, Al. Laughed too hard I guess!"

His tapping is slow and he gets a letter wrong, but I still understand it.

_No such thing._

"Yeah, you're right. Hey let's go steal some coffee from Roy."

My honed sixth sense combines with Al's heightened reverberations of chi and allows me to sense his surprise easily, so I respond the best I can.

"What? A sick man needs coffee to wake up." With that, I hop off the couch, stumble only barely thanks to my automail, then flawlessly bolt into the kitchen using memory. I'm met with a sudden stop before I can even reach the kitchen sink, but I don't fall backwards.

Roy must have caught me!

Oh, wait, he must've been the one to _stop_ me.

"Roy?"

_Coffee_.

He lifts my hands up and places the cup of liquid into them. I tip it upward and down it in seconds flat, saved from my dislike of coffee's flavor as the _rather warm_ brew bypasses the deadened taste buds. It's really a weird sensation. I don't mind though, because I know the caffeine will kick in quickly. I have a feeling that I'll need it today, since Al is visiting!

Maybe that means Roy will be going to work again. Al can be my babysitter.

"Roy? Are you going to work today?"

_Yes. You can spend the whole day with your brother!_

Roy's happy. I can sense the emotion. Empathy is pretty handy.

Is he really that happy to get back to work?

Nah, it's because his partner gets to spend the day with his brother.

I wonder if Al has anything _planned?_

Heehee!

Great, I'm giggling like an idiot. That empathy must be contagious, Roy's happiness must have rubbed off onto me.

_Happy?_

"Yeah! I missed Al, now we can talk again."

_And to think it's only been two years._

"Two years? Really?!"

_Almost. Year and a half._

"Give or take?" I laugh weakly. "It feels like so much longer..."

_I'm sorry._

"Oh don't _apologize_. It's nothing that can be helped. Truth is a greedy jackass."

_You're deprived of so much now._

"Didn't we go over this last night? I'm-I'm not deprived. I have friends and family and I have _you_. I even have a way to communicate now!"

_Bad things still happen to you._

"Shit happens. I wasn't an angel you know. I made enemies. More bad things might still happen. I just have to take it when it comes and cope with it."

_Why did it take you losing your senses for me to come to mine?_

What the hell is he on about now?

"Wha-what?"

_You're amazing and I love you._

Oh.

"I love you too," I mumble, sure there's a smile on my face to match the giddiness in my chest.

_Breakfast now, o romantically impaired partner?_

I hit him with a gasped chuckle, tapping out a message immediately afterwards.

_As soon as I show affection, you make fun._

_You respond so well to it._

_So you enjoy harassing me?_

_Of course I do._

_You bastard_. My breath hitches as I lower my head and turn away, though I make no struggle when he stops me.

_Edward? What's wrong?_

_You have to ask? After what you just admitted to?_

_No. No, Edward, I didn't mean it like that. I was joking around. You know I love you._

_You mean that you just..._

_Making fun of you is a way of flirting with you_.

"We're already _together_ you don't have to _court_ me!"

_Oops. Now your brother is watching us_.

Oh great, Al is clueing in now. I bury my head against Roy to mask any emotions that may yet be showing, tapping one more message.

_Tell him I want him to grab my breakfast for me._

_Um, okay._

Within moments I'm led to the kitchen table and sat down at it. Just as I'm relaxing, a cup is placed in my hands and lifted ever so slightly.

I reward my successful plan to distract Alphonse from Roy's _flirting_ by bringing it to my lips, but before I take a sip I hesitate. The energy shift in the room is barely noticeable, but I pick up on the faintest hints now that I know I can trust them. I lower the cup and the feeling grows a tad stronger, leaving me to question it rather obscurely, because obviously assuming the worst is the _natural_ thing to do.

"Are you trying to feed me _milk?_"

* * *

"He _knows?!_"

"I told you Al, he picks up on more than you realize."

"Can't we just slide it by him?"

"We'd better not, he _hates_ when he's lied to."

"He knows _that_ too?"

"Oh yeah. He once socked me in a store for it."

"_Hey! _Limited, not oblivious! What are you two going on about?! It _is_ milk, isn't it?!"

"Fine, go ahead and tell him."

Roy nodded and turned to the expectant Edward, careful to stay out of arm's reach as he confirmed with Dorset.

_I told Al you'd notice_.

"He _did!_ Alphonse you _traitor! _How are you gonna try and pass off _poison_ to a man who can't tell what he's drinking?!"

"Ed, it's not poison," Alphonse replied, though his retort was weak with guilt.

"I don't need milk," Ed continued, feeding on Al's emotion. "My smoothies have all the vitamins I need. Roy does a really good job of making fruit and veggie cocktails."

"Aww, thanks Ed-"

"He's at least good at that," Ed interrupted Roy, adding an insult as an afterthought. He jumped nearly out of his chair when Roy poked his rib in reply. "H-hey! I _felt_ that!"

_Good_.

"I can't help you have issues with in-ineptitude."

"Living with a troublemaker like you, I always will." Roy took the milk-filled cup from Ed and quickly replaced it with a certified Mustang smoothie.

"Ahh, perfect! One of my _real_ smoothies," Ed said in relief, placing emphasis on Al's betrayal by staring pointedly at him with his uncanny accuracy.

"Ed, I'm sorry, I didn't know Roy was so-"

"I don't want to sense any apologies," Ed interrupted yet again, grinning slyly when he sensed Al's amazement. "Just don't try it again."

"Y-yes, brother."

* * *

Roy left for work a while ago. Al and I left just when he did, and maybe it's silly, but I really wanted to go with Roy. As often as I'm with him and as rarely as I see Al, I still felt a pang of heartache when I was split from my partner.

_Ed?_

Ohp, there's Al's Dorset. I hold my right arm out for him.

"Lead me by my wrist. Where are we going?"

_To the park_.

"Are we gonna spar?"

_Yes_.

"Awesome! I might not be as good thanks to broken bones but I'll try..."

_You'll do great, Ed. I'll be careful_.

"But don't go ea-easy on me!"

_Of course not, Ed._

Contentment fills the space between us as we walk to the park, Al's fluctuating chi his only response as I tell about my happier adventures and triumphs as of late. When we finally arrive and stop, his slow Dorset filters in on my chest.

_You're much better at walking and talking, Ed._

"Thanks Al! I've worked on both. You know I stuttered before? Heymans told me about it and Kain helped me overcome it. Roy never even told me! I-I understand he was trying to protect my _questionable_ sanity," I say with humor; "but I'd rather know so I can try to improve it."

_I'd expect nothing else from you._

"Because I'm awesome?"

_Because you're stubborn._

"Still, you love me."

_Of course. I missed you, Ed._

"I missed you too, Al. Now let's spar, I'm focused and ready!"

He matches my enthusiasm with a quick nod before disappearing. I settle smoothly into my fighting stance, inhaling almost meditatively as I clear my mind in preparation.

His chi flares up just a bit before it diminishes greatly. He's trying to make it harder for me to see him, to _anticipate_ him. That doesn't stop my arm from jerking upward and blocking the unforeseen punch meant for my chest, or from me leaping backward, dropping down, and sweeping my leg out to drop him on his ass.

There's something about fighting like this, compared to when I had my senses. I used to use sight and hearing to know when to move, act, and react. But that was actually slower, and my reactions now are faster, because they're not slowed down by my brain processing external inputs.

Whoah, my fist just _slammed_ into something.

"Al? Al-Alphonse?"

_Ow_.

I laugh in nervous relief when Al taps the code to my chest.

"What-what happened?"

_You got me in the nose._

"What?! I got a hit in _again?!_ Are you going easy on me?"

_No. You're better than me now._

I'm so awesome, I'm amazing myself! How am I better at sparring than my little bro who has all of his senses?!

"Bullshit."

_No, really! _

"But I can't _see_ you! Or-or _hear_ you!"

_I guess you sense the attacks faster without your senses_.

Al's statement confirms my own thoughts. I chuckle and slip into my sparring pose for another round.

_Are you sure Ed?_

"What? About what?"

_Fighting more._

"And why not?!"

_You're still sick._

"Not sick enough not to fight!"

There's no way he's not as eager to fight as I am, and I know he can't resist the chance to try and beat his little bro like all those years ago. Well, okay, two.

_Okay, you're on!_

Knew it.

Alphonse begins the assault and I perfectly counter almost every move. I'm pushing forward, jumping back, and landing blows in between blocking so expertly and quickly that I can't believe it. My muscle memory is serving me perfectly, allowing me to perform motions I haven't even thought about since before I became handicapped.

Until I forget about my _hand_.

Avoiding an attack, I leap backward, flip in midair, and land on my hands to push off and upright myself...but I never make it that far.

White-hot pain jolts through my right hand, shoots up my arm and radiates halfway through my back and up into my neck before I realize what's going on. The next thing I realize, I'm being shaken into stunned awareness with enough rapidity to be interpreted as alarm.

"Alphonse?"

He nods my head and it's only then that I notice my heavy breathing. Whether from the pain or the illness isn't clear, but I'm relaxing. He sits me up to aid in my breathing and I realize that I was laying on the ground.

Holy hell, how hard did I _land_ on my hand? I completely lost my bearings! It knocked me, to be punny, _senseless_.

"Did-did I pass out?"

_No. Almost, but you cried out_.

"That hurt like hell," I wheeze, focusing on standing despite the trembling that I feel all the way down to the bone.

_No more sparring._

"Yeah I-I think I can deal with that."

_I'm sorry Ed._

"What _for?_ I'm the idiot that tried to land his entire body weight on a broken hand."

_Well...yeah, you are_.

I reach out and grab him around the middle, pulling him close quickly enough to nearly knock us both over. We laugh as we start walking, myself to work out the shakes and Al to, I guess, stroll and enjoy the scenery.

"Betcha never thought this would be our future, huh?"

_I knew we'd be together no matter what_.

"You're damn right! I guess I'm lucky Truth at least let me come back with you."

_I'd tear him a new one if-_

"Hey Al come on that's how _I_ talk!" I whine in protest, conflicted between pride for my little brother growing up and being overprotective of his youthful innocence.

_I'm an adult too, Ed_.

"No you're not. You're my little brother."

_You do realize I'm-_

"I don't care how old you are. You're my _little_ brother, the _good_ brother, and you'll always be innocent in my eyes. Well, mostly. You _are_ an Elric." I laugh as he gives me a shove, my grip on him the only thing keeping me upright. "Now let's-let's go, my Dorset-deprived brother. Your awesome big bro desires n-nourishment."

_Hungry?_

"Yes, that's what I said." I can practically feel Alphonse shaking his head. "Go on ahead, I'll follow your chi."

_Are you sure?_

"Go, Al! Let me feel a little in control." I grin and nudge him forward eagerly. I unfortunately pick up on his wistful sadness after mentioning my _inabilities_ again. I discourage the pity by giving him another shove. "We can't go if-if you just stand there."

I step forward as I sense his chi dissipating ahead of me, easily catching up and keeping stride with him. We walk in peace for a whole five minutes before he stops in front of me and I catch up rather rapidly, almost colliding with him.

"Geez Al you-"

Uh oh.

Now that I'm close to him, I can _feel_ the difference.

The energy is all wrong. I can't describe it, but it's not _Al_.

"Uhm-uh-I-" I take a step backwards. "Wh-who are you?"

My eternal silence receives no welcome interruption in the form of Dorset. The energy in front of me simply remains in place, emanating steadily like a slow-burning flame.

"Hello? Please, I-I think I got separated from my brother, can you backtrack for me? I can't um, see or hear anything, and he was leading me..."

The person in front of me seems to notice my plight and takes me by the wrist, gently tugging me along. I don't need him to physically lead me as his chi flares just as brightly as Alphonse's, but to hell if I'd dash his helpfulness with semantics.

"Maybe you know who he is," I continue helpfully. "Alphonse Elric. He's got gold hair and eyes like I do-only his hair, I think he keeps it short, but I haven't actually _seen_ him in two years so I'm not sure..."

We keep walking without interruption. I can only hope I'm being led back to my little brother and not farther away, because I'm pretty well lost and helpless on the streets of the city.

I hope Al isn't stressing too much. I'm unreasonably relaxed myself, but that's mind over matter. I _should_ be stressing, but I know it wouldn't help me.

So I follow my new friend and hope for the best.


	51. Chapter 51

Sorry guys! You know Ed is a master of trouble. Luckily, also a master of resilience.

I've been watching too much Stargate. I hope it doesn't show. (I'm already saying 'Hey kids' to people now, thanks Colonel.)  
Now back to Area 51! I-I mean Chapter 51. _Chapter_ 51.

* * *

We travel only a very short distance before stopping. I'm gently sat down at a table despite my unanswered questioning of the situation and my brother.

"Are you going to find him and bring him here? Please, y-you can nod my head or-"

Holy _hell!_ A sudden surge of energy, almost tangible as a tingling warmth, flares next to me out of _nowhere_. It's brighter than the person who had led me here and I'm understandably on edge for possible ambush.

Yet my sixth sense sends me no warning flags, no more cause for alarm than my own mind is creating.

Am I really safe?

"H-hello?"

Were it an attack, I'd have blocked automatically... but the arms around me are definitely a harmless hug.

But _who?_

"Who-who's there? Please, I know Dorset code, everyone from the military does, if you don't then maybe you can find someone in the military uniform? I'm curious to know who I'm with."

The person who led me to this place disappears and leaves me with the second energy signature-the second _person_. I reach out for guidance but my only answer is my hand gently being returned to my lap before my chin is tilted up and a pressure made on my throat. Recognizing the cue, I make an effort to swallow and am rewarded with a thick, cold liquid traveling down my throat.

Yeesh, was my stomach growling _that_ loudly?

"So you noticed I'm hungry I take it." I laugh nervously. "If-if you get me a straw I can drink it myself. N-not that I don't appreciate your help! I do. Thank you."

_Nod_.

Oh, that's a welcome gesture.

I wait in patient pause, rewarded when a weight is placed in my hands and my head nodded in confirmation of my question that yes, it _does_ have a straw. I suck down half of it before continuing my conversation.

"Do I know you?"

_Yes_.

"Do you know Dorset?"

_No_.

"Dammit. Well what about your-your friend? Did he go to find someone who does?"

_Yes_.

What a relief that is! I know I could find military personnel and request to be led to HQ and subsequently Mustang, but Alphonse might be looking for me.

Alphonse.

"Do you know my brother Al?"

_Nod_.

"Is-is he around? Can you find him?"

A gentle hug squeezes around my shoulders before person 1 appears and person 2 vanishes as though he was never there.

"Okay you guys gotta stop doing that," I complain. "Although I admire your strong chi, I can track you with it."

Silence. Not that I expected anything else, but I miss the Dorset I've grown used to.

Oh! My drink is empty, whatever it is. I set it on the table and sigh, requesting a second helping. It's not that I'm all that hungry, but the stress of being without my family is brimming within me and eating is the only thing I can think to do to stave off silly panicking.

"Please?"

A nod, and a welcome cup moments later. I suck down on the straw like a lifeline immediately after, pausing only for a worried sigh.

* * *

"Have you found him yet?"

"No. Neither his brother nor the Colonel are nearby. I didn't pick up on Alphonse's chi either."

"His chi?"

"You know he was studying in Xing to try and aid his brother. He's better than most Amestrians at focusing his chi. After all, Edward told me he can sense chi, and do you have a better explanation for how a blind man ended up following you?"

Ling sighed and leaned his head in his hand on the table. "I suppose you're right. We'll have to take him to Central Command, won't we?"

Before Lan Fan could answer her prince, Edward lifted his head and turned to them with furrowed brows.

"Hey I-did someone mention Central Command?"

"I thought he was deaf," Ling mused curiously. "Ed! Hey Ed can you hear me?"

"He can't hear us," Lan Fan confirmed, silencing her nearly-yelling comrade.

"I bet you did," Ed continued obliviously. "I um-I can sense some things. It doesn't always work. Are you taking me to HQ?"

As Ling had been told and in turn instructed her, Lan Fan nodded Ed's head.

"Oh," Ed replied dismally. "So you-you can't find my brother. Can't we wait a little longer? Or um, maybe take me home instead, Al knows where I live."

"Not a terrible idea," Ling agreed. "But we need his address, and we can't ask for it."

"Didn't you find someone who knows Dorset?"

"I think the military is on vacation today," Ling replied, hand shielding his eyes from the sun as he glanced around.

"Wonderful. Unless he offers the address, we'll wait for his brother just a bit-"

"Okay done," Ed suddenly interrupted, sliding the cup forward on their outdoor table. "Can-can I have another?"

"He really likes milkshakes," Ling humorously observed. "Will you get me one as well Lan Fan?"

"Of course, my lord." She happily returned to the establishment's counter for refills.

* * *

"Oh man oh man oh _man_ where could he have gone," Al whined fretfully as he searched high and low and through crowds and in alleyways for his brother. "Two minutes it wasn't even _two minutes_, oh _Edward_..."

Al had been backtracking on all the steps he and Ed had taken, traveling his route from the cafe to the park and back to Mustang's home and forward again. He hadn't picked up on Ed anywhere, nor heard his brother call out for him.

"Does he even _know_ I'm not with him? I am such a horrible brother..."

As Al searched for the Xerxian hair of gold to match his own, his mind continued to worry and imagine all sorts of awful things, having no clue that Roy had done the same only months before.

"Maybe if I heighten my chi," Al thought to himself, "Ed will sense it from a distance and pick up on me."

Situating himself against the wall of a building, he pressed his hands together and focused his energy meditatively. His chi steadily climbed, burning his energy reserves at triple the normal rate.

"Okay, hold it, and search," Al murmured, keeping himself focused and alert as he kept his energy burning bright and feeding it like a flame, careful to watch for his brother as he made his way back down the streets of Central.

* * *

"It's been half an hour already," Ling complained to his trusted retainer and his deaf friend. "I'm _melting_ under this sun."

"It is unseasonably warm for autumn," Lan Fan agreed. "Though how you can be warm after five ice-cold milkshakes is a mystery to me."

"And how you can keep those warm clothes on-"

"Alphonse?!"

Alerting both Xingese citizens with his sudden cry, Ed suddenly jolted up from his seat and turned around as though hearing a silent call of his name.

"Ed? Lan Fan, have you sensed Alphonse?"

"No I-_Ed!_"

Before Ling or Lan Fan could reach him, Ed had bolted toward the street as he answered the draw of his brother's energy. His speed was underestimated by his company as they leapt over people in their path to rescue the man who couldn't see the cars only moments from crashing into him.

"_Edward!_"

Ling reached Ed only a moment too late. Despite the first driver slamming on his brakes when Ed rushed into the street, the second didn't react in time and rammed into Ed just before stopping. Thrown to the ground and dazed from his head slamming the pavement, Ed gasped in disoriented fear with small whimpers uncharacteristic of the strong man Ling once knew.

As Lan Fan finally sensed Alphonse's chi-just as Alphonse heard the screeching brakes, squealing tires and loud yells from the next block and made his way to the commotion-Ed sunk fast into a mess of withdraw, fear and outrage, his condition only looking worse with his shaking body and gasping breaths.

"S-stay _away_ from me! I-I-y-you _won't_ take me!"

"What's happening?" Lan Fan asked worriedly, glancing up only to see Alphonse running toward them.

"He may be perceiving this as an attack from his past," Ling observed carefully, well versed in spotting trauma due to his own history of attempted assassination. "We will block the traffic while his brother handles him."

"Understood." She quickly took her post as Ling nodded Al to his brother before aiding Lan Fan in traffic redirection.

"Ling what _happened?!_" Al cried as he arrived at the side of his injured brother who tried to fight an invisible force, writhing in fear and pain and flinching from imagined attacks.

"He sensed you, ran toward you and was hit by a car. We're not sure why he's reacting this way, we thought you'd know!"

"_No_ I don't-he would only react this way if he was lost in the past!" Al reached out to his brother, suffering a rather nasty scratch across his forearm from Ed's fearful and angered swipe.

"I'll keep fighting, I'll _never_ stop, I'm-I'm getting _out_ of here!"

"Out of _where?_ Ed, please, you can sense me! You know who I am! Snap _out_ of this!"

Though nowhere near fully understanding the situation, Ed sensed Alphonse enough for his darkened gaze to snap to him. Ed only used this new sense of location to back away from Al, his breathing growing heavy as he struggled to drag his injured body away from the nonexistent danger and straight into the path of the very _real_ danger of the cars still driving by.

"_Edward!_" Al cried and tried again, reaching forward to try a tactic Ed might recognize-Dorset code. With only several taps in, Ed's arm swung out with lightning speed and caught Al's cheek in a rather nasty punch and offset his balance, dropping him to the pavement flat on his back. It was heartbreaking to watch the blond struggle against his own mind and his insufficient body as he tried to sit up while keeping guard for any sudden attacks.

"He'll-he'll come for me," Ed gasped, golden eyes snapping uselessly from left to right. "And I-I won't stop fighting you un-until I'm free-" he suddenly sucked on a deep breath and began choking, his imaginary struggle paused as the final throes of his lingering illness took hold and wracked his body even further.

"Oh no, oh Ed," Al whined, afraid to even touch his brother for fear of setting him off into torture that was imaginary to most but very real for Ed's imprisoned mind.

Ed soon calmed from the coughing and collapsed onto his side, still shaking but very clearly conscious and aware. His eyelids drooped as his body relaxed with drawn-out breaths and involuntary shudders and his mind reached out to sense those around him. His eyes first snapped to Al who was closest to him in both the physical and emotional planes.

"Al...Alphonse?"

"Yeah," Al answered, sniffling back tears as he reached forward to gently nod Ed's chin and tap his slow Dorset.

_Are you okay?_

"I...I've been hurt, Al."

_I know. I'm gonna get you help._

"Yeah, that too. But I mean before. I-I didn't tell you everything." Ed's hand shot forward and snapped Al's up, clutching at it tightly. "I love you Al...and I-I didn't want to _lie_ to you but... I didn't want you to _worry_."

Al hesitantly tapped out the next words to Ed's chest, quite displeased with the lingering fear in Ed's eyes. What could it be that Ed was afraid to tell his younger brother about?

_About what, Ed?_

"A kidnapping," Ed replied quietly, ducking his head. "I-I'll tell you more. But-" he gasped and curled his shaking body slowly in on itself. "Al I'm in a lot of pain..."

_Help is almost here_, Al answered Ed, crawling forward to gently hold his battered brother in a comforting hug. _I'll stay with you_.

"I get into so much trouble," Ed wheezed, leaning his head against Al as he began to cry. His tears were reflected in his muddled speech as he broke down like a child and clutched at Al's shirt with a vicelike grip. "I'm sorry Al," he choked out. "You-you come to visit me and-and I cause y-you so much _trouble_ and-and I-oh god Roy's gonna be mad at me too..."

_Concerned, not mad. Calm down, Ed_.

"But-but I-" Ed gasped as he felt a scolding thump to his chest. He ducked his head and remained close to his brother, the tears slowing as he forced himself to relax. "Yeah o-okay."

_Ed?_ Al tapped gently to Ed's chest, continuing when puffy golden eyes met his own. _I love you, Ed_.

Ed coughed out a laugh, sniffling as he leaned his full weight against Al and trusted his little brother to get him through this.

"I love you too, Al."


	52. Chapter 52

Sorry guys; this chapter is a bit short and a long time coming!

* * *

Ling and Lan Fan had accompanied Alphonse to the hospital for moral support and concern of their friend. They patiently listened to Al's tale of Edward as he learned to cope with his senses and how he overcame so much in such a short time.

Al stopped talking immediately when he spotted the doctor entering the waiting room. He leapt from his seat and searched the doc's face with hope on his own.

"How is he?"

"I'll be honest," the doctor began, raising his eyebrows for effect; "when you told me he was hit by a car, I expected worse. It seems that his automail leg took the hardest hit and may have actually saved him from worse injury. All he's suffered is some rather nasty bruises and a minor dazing."

"You mean he's-he's going to be okay?"

"He'll need his mechanic, but he should be just fine."

"Oh Ed," Al sighed in relief, turning to his Xingese company. "He's only bruised a bit."

"He is awake if you'd like to see him," the doctor continued. "Actually, he's rather adamant on seeing his brother."

"Of course!" Al smiled. "Is he allowed multiple visitors?"

"As long as the room isn't too crowded. I see no reason why three can't fit inside."

"Thank you."

The three made their way to Ed's hospital room, rather surprised to see Ed rattling off the names of various painkilling drugs to the nurse as she shook his head _No_ repeatedly.

"Is he trying to get medication?" Al asked humorously.

"He's trying to guess which one we gave him." She smiled and shook his head once more.

"Well how about-" Ed paused, turning his alert gaze toward his brother. "Alphonse! Find out what she gave me, I think I named all the painkillers I know."

"Perhaps it's one he hasn't heard of, it only came out this year."

"That would be why." Al tapped the name of the drug to Ed after procuring it, rewarded with confusion.

"Is that new?"

_Yes_.

"_Oh_, that's why." He grinned anyway, relaxing in his half-reclined hospital bed. "Al? I asked the doctors what I broke but they won't tell me. They just shake my head. What's broken?"

"Oh, boy." Al smiled apologetically at the nurse before replying to his mistaken brother.

_Nothing broke. You just have bad bruising._

"What? No way! I didn't break anything?"

_Only your automail._

"Bad enough for the gearhead to visit?"

_Oh yeah._

"Good. I miss her." He smiled and turned his golden eyes toward the Xingese visitors. "Who's with you? They're the same people who were with me earlier, right?"

_Yes. They're-_

"Wait _wait!_" Ed suddenly cried, eyes widening as he stiffly sat up. "I recognize-I know what that is!"

_Ed?_

* * *

I had picked up on it earlier, before the painful incident. This desire, this _craving_.

The mystery character must have an overwhelming sense of possessiveness, of want, of _greed_ to be felt as energy.

"Is that Ling?!" I cry excitedly, ignoring my drug-dulled achy body's protest of my sudden enthusiasm.

_Yes!_

Al's Dorset mirrors his surprise and I can't help but grin triumphantly.

_Lan Fan too. How did you know?_

"Ling does still possess too much of Greed," I laugh happily, still in disbelief that I recognized him by purely by his energy. Other than Al, he's the only one I ever have. "I can feel his greed in his chi!"

I can feel the surprise around me, although there is a hint of contempt or displeasure...

"Don't grumble, Ling. It's not always a _bad_ trait."

_How are you feeling, brother?_

I lay back and exhale, my sigh relaying my soreness to the others.

"Tired, sore. You sure nothing's broken?"

_Yes_.

"And it was a car that hit me, right? I had to guess it with the nurse."

_Yeah_.

"Damn. I guess Roy is gonna find out too," I grumble, crossing my arms over my chest with just the slightest bit of subconscious insecurity.

_Of course. Can't hide those bruises from him_.

"Or my limp. I'm sure I'll have one."

_Probably for a while. Ed, what did you want to tell me about?_

I don't answer immediately, choosing instead to squirm a bit and try to get more comfortable in the hospital bed-but I know damn well that the discomfort is from merely _thinking_ about regaling Al with the tale of my kidnapping.

_Ed?_

"Uh, yeah." I hesitate again, and I love my little brother, because he notices and addresses the issue.

_Do you want Ling and Lan Fan to come back later?_

"Yeah."

I relax as his touch leaves, purposely imagining a peaceful day in Risembool so I don't pick up on any possible emotions from my chi-ful friends.

I just don't want to sense anything like _pity_.

_Ed? We're alone._

The Dorset awakens me from the peaceful dream of times past. I had slipped so willingly and completely into it that I'd missed a few taps from Al, only recognizing my name due to the sheer familiarity of the pattern.

"Okay." I speak for the sake of saying something for my brother, because nothing wants to push past the knot in my throat. I make another effort as he awaits patiently for his big brother to be an adult again.

"Do you remember Mitch-Mitch Kurkowski?"

_Didn't you put him in jail?_

"Yeah. He must have been released." I keep my composure by focusing on Al and not what had happened. "Roy was out buying groceries. Mitch broke into the house and kidnapped me."

I immediately feel Al's shock. My own heart starts to race as his energy melds with mine, worsening my already questionable and shaky grasp on reality.

I blurt something rapidly, though it must have been a reaction because I didn't consciously formulate any words in my mind. I feel the shock dissipate as an apology arrives.

_Sorry_.

"Thank you," I mumble humbly, calming myself before I continue. "He abused me. He broke my rib and my hand and...he beat me, kicked me and gagged me and..." I pause in my tale, keeping my mental stability by taking stock of my emotions. "And well-this isn't something I want to tell my little brother but-" I turn my head away from Al before I finally reveal the worst part, trying my best to make it come out..._casually_, as if the event could possibly be anything of the sort. "It was brief-I escaped-but he raped me."

I go as silent as the energy in the room. The barest hint of Al's chi is still nearby, and despite what must have been my plea for calmness earlier, I feel it slowly mutating into something ugly.

Horror. Shock. Disgust. Sadness. Rage.

The energy slams into me as he pulls me into a hug, but his growing concern and melancholy keeps me from protesting.

"It's all right, Al. I'm fine. Roy really helped me through it, and so did the guys at HQ. You know I'm an inspiration to a lot of them?"

_Brother_, Al taps to my chest as he hugs me around the shoulders; _Don't cry._

What? I must have heard that wrong. I'm not-

Oh. I am. _Damn_ it! I didn't even realize I was!

"I'm not crying," I insist sophomorically. "I mean Dudley and Flowers' stories were moving but not _that_ moving."

_Of course, Ed. I'm sorry you had to go through that._

"I've been through worse," I reassure him, and he knows it's true-he was right next to me on our trip through hell. "Now can you go ask the doctor when I'm gettin' released?"

_Yeah. Anything else?_

"Something cold to drink. I'm starving."

Al doesn't answer, but he doesn't have to. The jolly ring of his chi is all I need.

* * *

They're releasing me today. Al says it should only be an hour.

Technically, he had to argue with them and have me prove my physical stability before they would _negotiate_ my release.

Though sore as hell, I proved that I could not only walk unaided, but navigate the room despite having no feeling in my hands or feet. I kinda think the doctor was fascinated and wanted an excuse to watch the crippled man overcome his disabilities.

Maybe I'm just being irritable. Well, I _did_ get run over today.

Did I mention how sore I am?

I just want to go home and relax on my couch.

I hope Roy doesn't get angry when he finds out what happened. He'd understand my desire to follow Al's chi, I've done it before; but he might blame Al for losing track of me, and if he does grow accusatory, I won't hesitate to defend my brother.

The emotional turmoil of it all-of being lost, reliving the kidnapping, retelling it to Alphonse, and now worrying about the future-I'm exhausted. I don't even argue Al's request to escort me to the hospital exit in a wheelchair.

I think he understands. He knows I've had a long day.

It's still not over.


	53. Chapter 53

This takes a lot longer to write than it does to read. Oops.

_To 13igoldberg_: As far as inventions go... well, it_ is_ an alternate world, maybe blenders have been invented! At least, they have been for the convenience of this story. ;) But the year is about 1919. Ed's almost 20!

* * *

Acquiescing my request, Al brought me straight home. He had our Xingese friends fetch us some choice food-Ling tells of specialty noodles so soft that one needn't chew them. Oh, that makes the mouth water. I imagine, anyways. I could be drooling a puddle and not know.

"Ling arrive yet?" I ask somewhat impatiently, hungering to fill my empty stomach.

_Not yet. Roy's car just pulled in._

Oh. There goes my appetite.

"He-he doesn't know yet, does he?"

_Not that I'm aware of. Do you want me to tell him?_

"I, um...well...you can tell him faster... Just don't take the blame for this, it was an accident."

_I know, Ed_.

I relax in the cushions of the couch, allowing myself to float as I pick up on every sore muscle and bone in my body. I don't let it distract me from sensing the apprehension in Al's chi.

Roy is here.

* * *

From the minute Roy walked into the living room he could tell something was amiss. Not only did Ed appear uncharacteristically tired, but the nervousness plain on both Elrics' faces...

"What did I miss?" He asked in an attempt to lighten the mood, but dismally found all humor gone from his voice. "Edward is fine?"

"Uh, yes Roy." Al cleared his throat. "There was a slight accident today. Ed only suffered bruising, though."

"The cause?" Roy pushed, managing to keep irritated concern hidden beneath curiosity.

"He ran into the street and the driver didn't stop fast enough."

"He _what?!_" Roy cried, finally losing his cool to disbelief and incredulity. "Why?!"

"He sensed me coming," Al explained, trying not to let on that he had _lost_ his handicapped brother. "He was eating at a cafe across the street."

"And he just up and ran to you rather than waiting?!"

"Maybe he forgot about the danger," Al faltered, "of running around unaided..."

"He should know better! Just because he can sense you-"

"Stop it," Ed snapped angrily, halting both able men in their tracks. "I can feel you beating on my brother. Dammit Roy it was an _accident_, okay? It was my fault, I lost track of Al, don't take this out on him!"

"I'm not, Ed I just-you should know better! It's dangerous for you out there alone!"

"I can handle myself," Ed replied with his eerie accuracy. "What happened today was-it won't happen again. It was stupid on my part. But I've proven I can take care of myself when it counts, right? I can navigate around. I can walk and run and even beat Al in sparring. And dammit-I fought Kurkowski myself, I rescued _myself_." Ed's eyes locked onto Roy's and bored into them with glaring contempt, daring to be challenged.

Roy sighed and walked forward to tap a reply of Dorset to the distressed blond.

_I'm only upset out of concern._

"I'm sorry, Roy. I won't do something reckless like that again."

_It's in your nature, Fullmetal._

"You bein' a smartass?"

_That's why you love me, right?_

"Don't push it." Ed reached forward before Roy could turn away, grabbing him around the waist for a hug. "I'm blind and deaf and every other frickin' sensory handicap, Roy. Accidents are bound to happen. Just don't blame my brother because I can be an idiot sometimes. Okay?"

_Deal. And I wasn't blaming Alphonse. I was just worried about you._

"Oh." Ed pulled away with a smile. "Well good. Because the whole thing _was_ my fault. I'm the one who-" Ed paused as he sensed two sudden floods of chi. One was a halting feeling, and he wondered if Al would rather he not reveal what actually happened; and the other, an enthusiastic hunger for chaos... "Ling's back!"

"Ling? Ling Ya-" Before Roy could finish the name, said Xingese man and accompanying partner burst in through the doorway, carrying a bulging bag of takeout containers. "When did you come back to Central?!"

"Few days ago," Ling replied casually, handing the food bounty to Alphonse. "I came to check on the state of affairs of Amestris!"

"You can do that without venturing into the heart of the country," Roy replied in annoyance.

"Yes, but then you would miss a visit from us!" Ling grinned and headed toward the kitchen, pausing only when Ed cried out in aggravation.

Left unsupervised for mere minutes, Ed had stood to follow Alphonse to the kitchen-but his damaged automail had given out and dropped his sore body to the floor, just missing his broken hand.

"_Dammit_ stupid leg how-how bad _is_ it busted," he hissed in a low voice, struggling to get back to his feet. He froze as helpful hands aided in his recovery, relaxing when he realized he had been spotted being inept, yet again. Luckily, he didn't let it bother him this time. "Tha-thanks. Um, that wasn't my fault."

_No, of course. It was gravity._

"Roy is that you? Y-you goddamn smartass," Ed wheezed, hugging Roy's arm for support as he limped into the kitchen for dinner.

_Don't recognize my Dorset? I'm insulted._

"Pain tends to cloud the mind," Ed threw back, humor clear in his voice. Despite the concentration on his face as he tried to walk with dignity, Ed was grinning like an idiot.

_I'll let you slide just this once._ Roy gently sat Ed down, handing him a fork to go with the bowl of noodles in front of him. _Eat up. It looks delicious_.

"About time," Ed laughed. "_Food!_"

* * *

I really wish I had been able to taste those noodles. Or at least feel their texture. It was an interesting change for my throat; the noodles were solid as I swallowed them down, but soft enough to not cause gagging or coughing once. I savored mine and enjoyed every bite; and I knew I had to be taking quite some time to finish just one bowl, as the noodles began to feel cooler in my esophagus. I think Roy was paying attention though, because the next bite was warm again. I _thought_ I picked up on a little spark of alchemy.

Heehee. The great Flame Alchemist, heating up noodle soup for his disabled boyfriend.

He's so dedicated to me. I don't know where he finds the time-and _energy_-to care for me between work and himself. I try to do a little more each day. Roy and I have managed to set up a system so I can bathe myself in the mornings. I'm pretty good at that. It helps that Kain engineered the bathtub faucet to an automatic temperature setting and a water shutoff failsafe so I don't flood the whole bathroom. Although, we're still working on the slippery floor issue. I manage to get soap everywhere.

Such is the case this morning, and despite my best efforts of balancing, the combination of soap on the floor and a faulty automail leg brings me down to the floor. My head hits something on the way down and dazes me; when the mental haze finally clears minutes later, I know it's the toilet due to its location. _Geez_, my head slammed into that and I didn't crack my skull? I really _am_ hard-headed.

"I hope Winry arrives soon," I mumble, carefully climbing onto the toilet and reaching for the towel. As I'm drying myself, someone bumps into me. It must be Roy cleaning up my mess. I guess I really did get soap-wait, what are you doing? He's taking the towel from me and tilting my head, and not for a _kiss_ either. "Roy?"

_Did you fall?_

"Uh, you didn't hear it?"

_You're bleeding_.

"Let me take a wild guess...from my head."

_So yes, you fell. Why didn't you call for me?_

"I felt fine," I reply a bit stubbornly. "I thought it would be just a bruise. That's what usually happens."

_It's not that bad. Let me rinse it out of your hair._

"I just got _out_ of the bath," I groan, allowing him to return me to the tub to rinse the blood out. I don't feel dizzy from the impact or from the blood loss, so it really can't be all that bad. After all, it took Roy a few minutes to notice the injury, didn't it?

_Ed?_

"Huh?" I turn my attention from the craving for morning caffeine to _wake up_ back to Roy. "Yeah?"

_Winry is busy in Risembool with her patients. She can't make it to Central._

"_What?!_ What will I do about my leg?!" I stand in protest and nearly go back down again due to the automail in question.

_You keep telling me you miss the train_.

Oh. I lean against Roy as it sinks in.

I'm going to Risembool.

With Al.

Without Roy.

"You um-" I swallow a lump in my throat. "You ha-have to stay here, right? For work?"

_Yes._

"But Roy..."

_It'll only be a week, Ed._

"A _week?_" I cry in disbelief. "But we've barely been apart for...I mean since you brought me here...I..." I press my bare body against him and shove my wet head into his chest as I try to regain my composure. "I'm going to miss you, Roy. Not to sound um-really cheesy-but you know, you _are_ my world."

_I love you too, Ed. I'll miss you just as much. At least I'll finally have some peace and quiet_.

You _ass!_

I laugh because I know he's not serious.

"A week," I repeat with a mumble. "A week without you. And Dorset doesn't work on phones..."

_Now don't be thinking about me the whole time. Enjoy your trip and the company back home._

"This is my home," I reply stubbornly.

_Of course. I'd never set you free anyway._

Even if I had my senses back, Roy? Nah. I'd still stay, and he'd still want me to.

He couldn't get rid of me if he tried.

* * *

I tried to convince Roy to set me loose for Risembool one day later.

My leg keeps giving out on me. I can't bend it at the knee, the toes don't aid in my balance at all, and on any trip to the bathroom or the kitchen or _anywhere_ it brings me to the floor before I realize it's failing.

I've cursed and got up and kept going and probably looked like a stubborn fool in the eyes of Alphonse and Ling and Lan Fan-

All because I don't want to leave Roy.

I'm not _afraid_ of being without him. It's just... It's like I told him. He's my world. And not some sheltered little routine he's made for me. He found new ways for me to live freely, helped me see past blind eyes that my life could still be more than I realized.

So I'm just a little...

_You love him, brother._

"Alphonse?! Was-was I thinking out loud again?"

_You didn't know?_

"Oh dammit," I grumble, a blush forming intensely enough to feel my head grow warm. "I do that sometimes. I get lost in-in my thoughts and don't always feel the vibration of talking."

_We understand, Ed._

We?

Oh, crap. Did Ling and Lan Fan hear me too?

"Right, they're still here aren't they?"

_You didn't sense them?_

"My mind wandered. I didn't sense anything."

_Oh. Are you ready to leave, brother?_

I tense at the thought of leaving the safety of Roy's house-of my _home_-and Roy's company.

Grow up, Ed! You _are_ an adult, you know.

"Yeah, I'm um-I think Roy packed for me," I mumble. "We can't wait until he comes home from work?"

_You two did say goodbye this morning._

"Dammit. I'm sorry Al. I'm worse than a kid..."

_You're just clingy and so in love_.

"Al you smartass!" I reach out and whack him, able to aim flawlessly thanks to his chi. "Fine! Let's go."

* * *

Ling and Lan Fan had said their parting goodbyes to the Elrics as they all left the house. The two brothers were alone as they made their way to the train station, hand in hand to avoid any separation...and sudden tumbles from a faulty leg.

Ed had insisted on walking. He had asked Al to transmute his leg so it wouldn't bend, but it wasn't improving his balance all that much. He was still attached to Al for support, his casted hand occasionally flailing out to stabilize himself..and periodically smacking someone in the process.

"Hey! Watch what you're-"

"Sorry," Al automatically responded to the woman. "He's blind, he didn't see you there." Al tried to tug his confused brother along and save him the drama of more questions that he couldn't hear and wouldn't want to answer.

"Did I hit someone again?" Ed muttered, focusing on his balance-until Al nodded his head and he nearly fell over. "Al Al _Dorset!_ Balance is in the head-don't move it while _I'm_ moving!"

"Ahh! Sorry, sorry brother...!"

Ed stumbled just enough to topple sideways into Al and cause them to both skitter sideways, Al ending up sandwiched between his brother and a wall. Rather than complain irritably about what had happened, Ed started laughing.

"Brother?"

"Geez, Al!" He righted himself despite his laughter. "You and I gettin' into trouble. Some things will never change."

"Ah. Yeah." Al chuckled and started them off again, glad to see cheerful reminiscence in Ed's expression. They walked in relative silence and were nearly to the train station when Ed spoke again.

"I'm gonna miss him..."

_It'll only be a week, Ed._

"Ah?" Ed turned his gaze to Al, confusion quickly giving way to realization. "Oh! I said that out loud didn't I."

_Yeah_.

"I don't mean to be so mopey, Al. You know I nearly broke up with him when I found out he was Mustang? I yelled at him for using the philosopher's stone on his eyes. And I-well you know we had our friendship but we...well I never imagined myself in a _relationship_ with him. It was a shock." Ed paused, contemplation on his face as he spoke again. "Did you know, Al? That Roy liked me romantically?"

_Not at first. But I could see your bond growing. I knew it would develop into that._

"So you sent me to Central with my mystery boyfriend."

Al couldn't help himself; he giggled.

_I knew you'd be in good hands_.

"I am. You're the best brother ever, Al."

"Even after losing you yesterday?" Al smiled and purchased their train tickets from the counter. "Oh! The train is here. How convenient!"

"Ooh, chi spike. You're so cheerful, Alphonse." Ed wore a content smile as he was led to the train to board. "Train is here?"

_Yeah. Step._

With just a bit of difficulty due to his hindered leg and hand, Ed made his way up the few steps into the train car. The two garnered curious stares as Al supported and led Ed from behind, stabilizing him when he tripped and stumbled.

"Man," Ed muttered quietly. "Didn't find a seat yet? This leg is killing me."

"It will if we don't get you off it," Al murmured, spotting an empty booth. "Ah! Perfect."

"Oh thank goodness," Ed sighed in relief, easily finding the window a with a few well-placed smacks of his hand. "Hey Al...thanks for bringing me back to Risembool."

"Even if it is my own fault you have to get repairs?"

"And don't let me find out you're blaming yourself for what happened," Ed chastised Al just a moment too late and a bit too accurately; "I'm the one who wanted to walk unaided and Ling and Lan Fan have really strong chi too."

"Um...yes, Ed."

Ed couldn't hear the train whistle or the attendant's call for final boarding, but his eyes widened when the car suddenly surged forward under him, hesitated, and surged forward once more before hitting a gaining rhythm. His face was lit up with the enthusiasm if a child on his first ever train ride.

_Haven't you ridden a train enough times? _Al tapped to Ed. _You look so excited._

"I don't have much more than movement nowadays, Al. Movement and memories. A train gives me both."

_You should ride them more often, then._

"Yeah. It would be nice. But I'm happy at home, too."

_With Roy?_

"Of course. Where else?" Ed grinned cheerfully before relaxing in the seat cushions, leaning back and letting the motion of the rails take him away to a peaceful nirvana.


	54. Chapter 54

On the first stretch of the rails, Al kept Ed contented with water and juice...and even ordered him a bit of wine, to which Ed identified as alcoholic right away-but drank it anyways.

"You tryin' to get me drunk, Al? You're worse than Havoc!"

_Roy told me Havoc let you get drunk before._

"Well, they both did. Roy said I only get one drink but they kept appearing in my hands, and I can identify different Dorset patterns and Jean and Heymans were both enabling me."

_Why didn't you say no?_

"Because I was having too much _fun!_" Ed laughed.

_You'll never grow up, will you?_

"Probably not." Ed grinned like a fiend, but it dissipated as he grew thoughtful. "Al...hey Al? Speaking of...growing up... Do you think I act immature? Due to how I am?"

_How you are, Ed?_ Al had an inkling of what Ed meant by the question, but he waited for more information.

"I really can't survive without the help of another person. And at first, that really bothered me...assistance was hard to accept, and I was depressed...but I've gotten over it, you know? I don't mind it. In fact, I actually...like it when Roy spoils me. And sometimes I get a bit too eager to play the role of invalid and let myself get...coddled."

"Oh, Ed." Al smiled and alleviated Ed's concern with a reassuring response.

_There's nothing wrong with it, brother. We know there's a lot you can't help, and I think Roy likes it when you let him care for you. It shows how much you trust him and love him._

"Yeah?"

_Yeah. But don't give him complete control. He loves your stubbornness._

"What?!" Ed blushed through a grin as he hissed out his next words. "That bastard. I _knew_ it."

Al chuckled at his brother's response, mirroring Ed and leaning back to relax. He glanced over to spot Ed periodically sipping the wine, eyes half-lidded as he focused more on the rhythm of the rails than on the company of his brother.

Although, knowing Ed, it was memories of he and his brother that he was lost in...

* * *

_Flashback_

"Okay. I heard two people debating this at the hotel."

"Yeah, Al?"

"Ed? Are you paying attention?"

"Yeah, Al."

"Your eyes are still in the book and you're giving me the same answer."

"I'm listening, Al!" Ed put the book down and turned his gaze to his armored brother. "Now what were they debating?"

"Okay, okay. If you had to choose..." Al paused for dramatic effect, holding his gauntlets up at chest-level. "Would you rather be blind or deaf?"

"What? Geez, why would anyone even _consider_ that?! It's not like someone could _choose_ for that to happen, anyway!"

"Well, I think it's more to see how the other person thinks," Al explained patiently. "A different viewpoint. Which would you choose, Ed?"

"Between being unable to see or hear?" Ed frowned his disapproval of either idea, but still gave it some thought before answering. "I think I'd rather be deaf."

"Really? Deaf? But what about all of the music you'd never hear again? Or laughter, or birds singing in the trees... and it would be much harder to communicate!"

"Yeah well without sight it'd be harder to _navigate_. How could I ever do alchemy without my eyes? Or see where the next attack is coming from when someone tries to kick my ass?"

"Well if you weren't so _rude_ sometimes," Al muttered.

"I heard that," Ed growled challengingly. "So you're telling me you'd rather be blind?"

"Out of the two, yes."

"It doesn't matter anyways," Ed said dismissively, lifting the book off his lap to return to reading. "Nothing like that will happen."

"You never know, brother. What about..." Al's voice lowered as he spoke. "...Murphy's Law?"

"_What?!_ You can't tell me you believe that crap!" Ed exclaimed in disbelief. "We're scientists!"

"Lots of scientists believe in that!" Al shot back just as passionately.

"No, they use it as an excuse for a crappy day or their own _ineptitude!_"

"_I_ believe in it," Al replied stubbornly, a _clack_ from the armor heard as he crossed his arms.

"Alright, alright Al. It's not like it'll ever happen, really."

"I hope not. But..."

"With the way the universe has punished us so far?" Ed laughed hopelessly. "Murphy's Law."

* * *

The rhythm of the rails eventually disconnects with the pattern in my memory. I realize that I'm with Al just like those years ago, but he's whole again and I'm considerably less able.

_Sigh_.

"Hey, Al?"

I wait for a response, but the answer never comes.

"Al?"

Luckily, I no longer get worried easily from little things like this.

"Yo, little bro?"

I reach out blindly, curiously trying to find him before I realize that I can't _sense_ him. Uh oh.

I can _always_ sense him. Even at the other end of the house!

"Uhm, Alphonse?"

I wait patiently, yet nervously.

Where did he go? Why didn't he tell me he was leaving? He didn't try to tell me _verbally_, did he?

Oh relax, Ed. He'll be back soon. He probably just went to the bathroom. Or for water.

That actually sounds like a good idea. _I _ have to go.

But without someone to show me the way...

"_Dammit_," I hiss, shifting my weight just a bit. Now that I'm thinking about it, I realize just how full my bladder is.

Hah, last time I was on a train, I just pissed in a bag.

"Alphonse?"

I wait for what must be another few minutes before giving in. I have to _go_ and Al will understand, he'll find me.

I stand and turn to the aisle, pausing before I step out. I remember long ago, the feeling of people watching me as I try to figure out which way to go; but now, I really don't give a crap if anybody's watching.

This is actually kind of funny. Trying to navigate without the main senses-vision, touch. Funny in the way that you have to laugh at the ridiculousness that life throws at you.

I just wish I didn't have to go so _badly!_

Right, I'm going right. I pick right.

I use my hands to find my supports as I make my way: the backs of the seats. My right hand aches as I lean on it, but the alternative is losing balance from tripping over something I can't see or falling when my leg gives out.

Ooh, ooh, ooh. Full bladder, achy hand, erk-trip! Man, I used to complain about a sensory lack. Not today. _Crap_.

"Hey, can anyone um...point me to the bathroom? Better yet, lead me there?"

Naturally, I receive no assistance. I wonder if someone spoke to me. I'm not sensing anything, but I may be focusing on keeping my _bladder_ contained. Oops.

"Hello? Please, I can't see or hear. I'm uh, a little lost."

Ah, goodie. Explaining inabilities always garners assistance!

A kind person leads me to the bathroom. Whether a stewardess or passenger showed me the way, I thank them and reassure them that I can use the facility just fine.

"I'm a pretty quick study."

Several minutes of annoying bathroom exploration pass as I learn the layout. I make quick and glorious use of the toilet, relaxing against the wall of the cramped bathroom once I've finished.

I haven't had to go that bad since...

Well, yesterday.

_Ahhh_.

I leave the flushing to the next person and instead spend five minutes just washing my hands. Finding the faucet knobs, turning both, finding the soap, using _that_, rinsing thoroughly and _then_ some to make sure I got all the soap off...

And then shake-shake and I'll let my arms drip-dry, I guess.

Oh, _shit_ I didn't even think-

I must've _soaked_ my cast!

Good job, Edward. Now your little brother will have to make sure it's still structurally intact.

Stupid, stupid...

I make my way out of the bathroom, doing my best to recount my steps back to my seat. _Our_ seat.

I wonder if Al is back from _wherever _he went.

Thump, thump, thump; I count the backs of the seats as I make my way. I'm almost there, at least to my knowledge, when I'm suddenly thrown forward down the aisle. Before I can get my bearing to latch onto something, I do a somersault as gravity continues its yank on me and I roll ass over heels before I finally come to an abrupt stop.

I'm not panicking. Not a chance. I've got enough of a grasp to beat it this time. I don't know what happened but I won't let it throw me into mental chaos.

What the hell _did_ happen?

Did someone push me? Did the train slam on the brakes?

Holy hell I hope we didn't _derail_.

"Alphonse?"

Hands grasp at me, pull me up, and hug me close as I'm returned to a seated position.

Al?!

"Al is-is that you?"

_Yes, Ed._

Oh hallelujah, Dorset.

"What happened?"

_Calm down, brother. We're fine._

"What do you mean calm down?"

_You're shaking_.

I wh- oh come _on_.

"Am not."

_Your voice is too._

"Well I did just take a test flight through the cabin," I shoot back defensively. "Now what happened?! Are we still on the tracks?"

_We've stopped. There's some damage to the rails ahead._

"Oh. Well go fix them, Al!"

_How?_

"Don't tell me you've forgotten how to do alchemy."

_I can't leave you_.

"Al, I'm a grown man, not a baby," I deadpan in annoyance. "If you're really that worried, take me with you."

_Outside?_

"What? It's not like we're facing something really hazardous. It's just rail damage."

_There was a rock slide down the mountain. It might not be safe._

"Then I'm sure as hell not letting you go alone!"

_Are you sure you want to go out?_

"Don't ask me again, Al. Let's go."

* * *

Al led his brother off the train despite the protests of the attendants, insisting he could help the situation with alchemy. The two were escorted to the front, garnering odd glances from both the train employees and passengers due to Ed's constant stumbling and tripping and cursing.

"Were we on the car in the _back?_" Ed grumbled irritably, nearly taking Al down to the ground yet _again_ as his leg gave out.

Al simply led his brother along as best he could, glad they had nearly reached the front.

"Sir?" Al politely interrupted the conductor and an attendant who were discussing up the situation. "I think I may be able to help you."

"Hm?" Al was sized up rather quickly by the men. "Do ya? Care to explain?"

"I'm an alchemist. I have a lot of experience with things like this."

"You do realize how easily a landslide could start back up just by moving the wrong rock. You'd risk adding the chaotic energy of alchemy to that variable mess?"

"As I've told you sir, I have a lot of experience. I don't rush into things recklessly. I won't endanger anyone today."

"Our only other option would leave the train and its passengers stranded for half a day," the conductor sighed. "If you're sure-"

"Hey, I know him!" The attendant suddenly exclaimed as he motioned to Ed. "Edward Elric! The Fullmetal Alchemist, right?"

"Um, yeah." Al glanced at Ed to spot blind eyes narrowing in suspicion.

"So he's the one who will actually be doing the alchemy, right?"

"No, I am. Ed was in an accident and is deaf and blind and no longer uses alchemy."

"Really? I had heard the rumor, but-"

"Alphonse?" Ed interrupted, tugging gently on his brother's wrist. "What's going on?"

"Alphonse Elric?"

"Oh, you're his brother!" The second man chimed in. "...Somehow, I thought you'd be taller."

Al hung his head in annoyance. _So this is what it was like for Ed._

"Al, hey! Are we just gonna stand here all day?!" Ed snapped impatiently.

"He's right," Al said as he excused himself; "I have to evaluate the landslide before I try to remove it."

"Very well, young man. Good luck to you both."

As Al was leading his stumbling brother away, he couldn't help but overhear the attendant's comments to the conductor.

"Poor kid. Can't see or hear anything. And did you see his hand and leg? He's falling apart..."

Al pushed forward perhaps a bit too quickly, his anger flaring out and catching Ed's attention immediately. Before Al heard more than one syllable of utterance from Ed however, the aforementioned faulty leg took Ed down and Al right with him.

"Dammit!" Ed hissed, quickly recovering himself to make it to his knees. "Al what-what are you mad about?"

"Nothing, Ed." Al pulled Ed to his feet, glancing angrily at the men yards behind them before tugging Ed along once more.

"Alphonse, hey! I asked you a question!"

"I know. Don't worry about it, Ed." Al squeezed Ed's wrist in acknowledgement.

"You do realize that I don't know what's going on unless someone tells me, right? I can only guess from what hints of emotions I catch."

Al stopped then, sobered by Ed's quiet words. He had been angry in defense of his brother, but he had failed to protect Ed from the hurtful words after all.

_I'm sorry, Ed_. Al tapped the Dorset to his brother out of view of the others. _Someone commented on your physical condition when they thought I couldn't hear it_.

"Oh." Ed frowned and looked down to where Al's hand rested on his chest. "Is that all? Al, it's gonna happen. I _am_ handicapped, you know, people are bound to mention it."

_But Ed_... Al trailed off, earning a chuckle from his brother.

"But what, Al? A few words aren't gonna hurt me. After all, I can't even hear them!" He laughed in spite of himself. "Thanks for protecting me, little bro. But right now I think I just need protection from this damn leg."

"Agreed." Al smiled and patiently walked Ed the few more yards to the prime observation point, gazing at the mess of stones around and above them.

"How does it look, Al?"

_Well, it doesn't look too stable. I'll have to be careful or we'll all be buried. But it's definitely a job for alchemy._

"It usually is, isn't it? I just wish I could use it more often. Ah, to be able to see what I'm doing," Ed mused wistfully, his smile shifting to a mischievous grin. "I could _really_ sock it up Roy's ass."

_Sock_... Al paused. _What, up his ass?_

Ed's eyes widened and he began to splutter, face flushing beet-red. "No Al not-not like _that!_ I mean-I mean show him up! No Al no that's not what I _meant!_"

Al laughed and turned to the impressive pile of rubble in front of them, hugging Ed around the shoulders.

_I know. Now let's get started_.

"Uh-huh," Ed squeaked, going silent as Al picked his plan of attack. He made not a sound as he felt Al's first crackle of alchemy, nor moved a muscle as he felt the ground under him shake with vibration as the stones began to tumble.

Alphonse expertly knocked back every errant stone and boulder with alchemy, reacting to each new threat as if it were merely a punch thrown at him. He continued to exhaust the mountainside's supply of stones as they rolled and tumbled down and kicked up an impressive cloud of dust.

The passengers on the train had at first curiously observed the reason for their impromptu detour, but they now watched in avid fascination as man and science controlled the destructiveness of nature.

Edward had been silent and still as Alphonse worked and even as several stones flew past him within centimeters. His lidded eyes snapped open as warning panic grabbed him and he reacted without thought, without hesitation, obeying the wordless command of the universe.

"Alphonse!" Ed yelled out, running toward his brother; "_Move!_"

"Ed stay back I have it under con-_oof!_"

Ed slammed into Al in a full-body tackle, sending him skidding and rolling yards away. Ed slid mere inches compared to his brother, landing in an ungraceful heap and leaving Alphonse confused and angry.

"Brother why did you-"

Alphonse had never seen the boulder fracture from its base on the mountain. He hadn't heard or seen it roll towards them in the chaos. But he couldn't miss it as the truck-sized boulder suddenly slammed down onto the ground right where Edward had been.


	55. Chapter 55

_To MAL_: Thank you! I'm glad you like how I wrote Al's part.  
_To Solomonssavior_: Neat theory! Though it is just Ed sensing something awry, like when you feel something wrong in your gut.  
_To __kittyEdwardElric98_: I have actually read quite a bit of that. It's a good story! Thanks for the recommendation (:

* * *

I feel weightless, like I'm floating. Gravity doesn't have its constant grasp on me; I feel no pain. Only peace and curiosity.

I don't know what's going on. All I remember is a feeling of panic before pushing Al out of the way.

Out of the way of _what?_

He was...what was he doing? My thinking, my thoughts are a little slow to form.

Landslide. Rocky tumble, right? He was removing it. So what happened? Was a rock gonna hit him? Did it hit _me?_

I sure don't _feel_ conscious, despite my ability to think mostly coherently. I'd be able feel _something_, some sort of pain or grounding in reality.

Instead I'm just floating. Drifting in my empty world of white.

Am I at the Gate? Did I die in saving my little brother? Oh man, Al is gonna _flip_.

And I...I can't leave Roy alone...

Is anyone there? Hello? Am I still alive; can you hear me?

Anyone?

The white seems to stretch on forever. It's all I see, but somehow it goes from what I see to what I _am_. My thoughts are getting harder to form. The white is enveloping all of me, _becoming_ me, I'm losing myself and my mind to the encompassing abyss.

I remember Alphonse and Roy. Winry and glimpses of my life before the Promised Day. They're such short flashes, and I can't focus, can't hold onto them.

I try to grasp onto _me_, onto reality.

I'm losing a battle that I can't even keep it in my head that I'm fighting one.

What?

Where am I?

Why is everything so...oh right, I'm blind.

Alphonse?

Why am I so _alone?_

I can't hold onto a thought or an image anymore, so I stop trying. I give into the peace of nothing.

Just as I feel a reawakening...

My mind is returning. Everything is flashing back. As I'm slammed with imagery and thoughts and memories, my confused mind asks the absurd: Is this what it's like to die?

An even scarier thought; what if I _am_ dead?

I wonder if death is like sanity...if you can question being alive, you still are.

The flood into my head is creating enormous pressure, and it starts to split at me, to ache terribly-

Wait, there's no pain with no body.

I can't be dead!

_Wham_ my head starts _pounding_ like the worst headache I've ever had. The coherency that had returned to my mind is _shattered_ by the headache to end all headaches-

I barely register an aching pain in my ribs, one in particular which is really throbbing-

Oh, that's the broken one, isn't it?

Then why do the _rest_ ache?

Why does my head hurt so much?

Vibration, I feel it in my throat. I think I'm asking for Roy but I don't know. Maybe Alphonse? Come on, brain; work!

I can't make out the tapping on my chest for my disrupting headache. And it only gets _so_ much worse when I'm sat up-

"Nonononono," I whine, hands flying to my head. "Ow, ow, nooo, stop... My, my head..."

Tap, thump, tap, what is the sequence, what is he _saying?_ I know it's Al because it's slow, but it's still too fast for my pounding head to decipher.

"Stop, I can't hear, I-I can't-oh my _heaaaad_..."

The Dorset is repeated slower and slower until I can make it out. Al's hitting my chest rather roughly, nearly aching my cracked rib; I'm glad for it though, because it's distracting me from this _awful_ headache.

_Ed?_

Geez, how dumb must I look if I can't even make out my own name?

_Ed?_

"Yeah Al?"

_Are you okay?_

"My head is killing me."

_No, but it almost did._

"What?"

_The boulder._

"Hit me in the head?"

_No. Explain later._

"Good idea. Are you done with the...the rocks?"

_Yeah, Ed. We'll go soon._

"Not now? What else do...oh, the tracks?"

_Yep!_

"I'll wait." I resist the offer to stand, muttering something probably unintelligible as I maintain my valuable _seated_ position and avoid aggravating my pounding head.

As he had done earlier, I feel the crackle of Al's alchemy shift the world around him. It's a fast job but, if I know my brother, a damn good one.

"Done already?"

_Yeah_. His Dorset is a little faster than before, but I'm more relaxed and the pounding isn't _quite_ as excruciating.

"Good. Oh, I have to stand now, don't I..."

There's no answer this time, only an increase in the insufferable pounding of my head as I'm lifted to my feet.

* * *

"Oh oh ow oowwh," Ed whined as he was stood upright by his brother and a helpful train attendant. He physically seemed no worse for the wear from the assault of the boulder, suffering only from asphyxiation.

_Ed?_ Al thumped roughly on Ed's chest to get his attention and hopefully distract him from the splitting headache. _Brother?_

"Hey, what are you doing?" The attendant questioned, frowning at the perceived rough treatment of Edward. "Why are you beating on him?"

"Beating?" Al asked in shocked reply. "I'm _communicating_ with him. He can't see or hear, he relies on Dorset code for information. He just can't focus well right now due to his headache because he was almost _crushed_." Alphonse rarely grew angry, but he once again had to come to the aid of his less-abled brother.

"Hell, even through the headache...I can sense that," Ed muttered, putting a hand to his head as he spoke. "Who pissed ya off Al?"

"Nobody, Ed," Al laughed as he hugged Ed around the shoulders. "Let's get you back on the train, okay?"

"Can we just go back to-_ow_-the-the train?"

"You two have funny timing," the humbled attendant observed, offering his assistance to help escort the half-lame Elric back to the train.

"Yeah. Ed can pick up on emotions sometimes, and there are times I wonder if he doesn't know exactly what's going on and is just playing dumb."

"So you two have conversations like this often?"

"Yeah. He's been this way for a while, and he's adjusted as best he can to the world around him. It's both interesting and confusing when he catches me talking about or to him," Al chuckled. "Of course, we are brothers, so we share a stronger bond than most."

"I-I think the-hey Al, it's not as bad now," Ed interrupted the conversation, commenting on his headache. "We almost to the train?"

"Almost." Al simply pushed on the short distance to the train, thanking the attendant for his help.

Both Elrics were graciously escorted to their seats. Ed breathed a huge sigh of relief when they finally sat, leaning his head back tenderly.

"Okay Al-I-I think I'm ready for Dorset." He paused, turning his still-pained gaze to Al. "But still go...slow. What happened?"

_You saved my life, that's what_, Al replied with steady tapping. _The boulder that fell on you instead of me had a very unique shape_. Al paused to let this sink into Ed's pounding head.

"Had a...very...unique how?"

_When it hit the ground with you under it, you were in a depression in its face just large enough for you. Had it landed a centimeter more in any direction... you would be dead._

Ed slowly mouthed Al's words, eyes growing wide as the truth of his near demise dawned on him. "So I-"

_Had you not knocked me out of the way, brother...I would be dead._

"So I...really did," Ed murmured, eyes darting back and forth in rapid thought. "But then...why the headache?"

_The depression was __**just**_ _large enough for you_, Al repeated. _It did weigh on your chest though, and when we moved the boulder off you, you were barely breathing_.

Suffocation. That's why Ed couldn't think, couldn't stay awake. He couldn't _breathe_.

"Oh." Ed's lips moved quietly as Al's explanation replayed itself in his head. "Well, I...I'm glad you're okay, Al. And next time watch out for boulders!" He suddenly scolded, rewarded with another bout of painful brain pounding and an appropriately accompanying whine.

_I will, Brother_. Al eased Ed back against the cushioned seat and squeezed his good hand. _Now relax._

"Yeah o-okay. Thanks Al."

* * *

The rest of the train ride was fairly peaceful. Alphonse finally noticed Ed's weakened hand cast, but Ed was spared any chastising due to Al thinking it was caused by the boulder incident.

It was as they were nearing their hometown that the napping Edward's eyes snapped open and he sat up, reaching for Al curiously. Headache long gone, Ed called out for his brother.

"Al? Hey Al? We're almost there right? I can feel it around me. Everyone's antsy. It's making _me_ antsy."

Awoken by Ed, Alphonse reached over to tap an answer to him, but his sleepy fumbling was making the message unintelligible.

"What? ...Al? I have...no idea what you said. Is that you?"

For reassurance, Al nodded Ed's head before really focusing to get the next word across.

_Asleep_.

"Oh, I woke you up? Sorry Al. You know Roy's Dorset is perfect even after he just wakes up?"

Al didn't miss the blissful smile Ed had, or the wistfulness of missing the man that immediately followed.

_Does he?_ Al managed to get a few more words out before wiping the sleep from his eyes. "You're right though, we are almost there."

"So how much longer Al?"

"Ummm..." _Five minutes._

"Good. I can't wait to see Winry!"

_See her?_

"Smartass," Ed laughed as he shoved Al, accidentally right out of the seat. "Don't forget I can kick your ass now, little brother!"

"Crap, you're right," Al whined. "You really can!"

Feeding on the feeling of Al's inferiority, Ed crossed his arms and grinned. "No longer can you claim superiority over me, Al! Ha-ha!" Until Ed stood up, and his leg brought him right back down. "...Never mind."

Al giggled as he lifted Ed back to his feet, hefted Ed's suitcase, and aided Edward off the train. "Now I know how you feel, carrying that heavy automail for so long..."

"Man my ribs are sore," Ed muttered, stumbling after the last step, overcorrecting, and falling back to remain upright against the train. He looked comically frozen in place due to surprise that he wasn't on his ass on the ground. "Al?"

_You fell against the train, brother._

Even poor Alphonse couldn't stop himself from laughing at Ed's comically cute confusion.

"Oh. Well I-Al are you _laughing?!_ You little shit!"

"Oh come on I can't sneak _anything_ past you now!" Al laughed as he helped Ed to the road.

"So, are we walking the whole way? I hope not. My leg _will_ cause my death if we do."

_Truck_, Al answered him.

"Truck? We're hitchhiking?"

_No. My truck!_

"No, my... tr...wait, you have a _truck?!_ When did this happen?!"

"I have to get around somehow, Ed!" Al laughed. _I can't carry Winry's automail parts by hand! That's a lot of heavy metal!_

"You're nuts, Al. You should just _make_ her automail parts."

_I tried. We still need the raw metals...plus, she prefers to shop around for new innovations._

"Oh, I get it." Ed grinned with superiority. "Your alchemy isn't good enough for her! She's used to mine!"

The two were nearly to the truck in question when Al paused, set Ed's suitcase down, and punched his brother in the chest. While it was meant as a playful retort, Ed did understandably stumble backwards from being caught off guard-and Al couldn't keep him upright when the automail gave out to take them both down.

"Dammit Al!" Ed laughed, sitting himself upright. "That was a good shot, I didn't even see it coming!"

_Sorry, brother._

"Don't apologize, I deserved it! Now pick me up and show me your truck."

Al smiled and led Ed the few remaining yards to his truck, tossing the suitcase into the bed after facing Ed toward the open passenger door. It seemed that Ed had other plans, however, as he began to smack his left hand rather thoroughly against the body of the truck and slowly traverse its perimeter.

"Ed? What are you doing?" Al watched curiously as Ed made his way around the side, the back, and even crouched down to check the tires. As he ran his hand around the diameter of the rear tire, Al realized what Ed was doing. "You're checking out my truck, aren't you? Seeing what it looks like."

"Hey Al, what color is this thing?" Ed confirmed, rounding to the driver's side and making his way quickly to the front end to inspect it.

"It's your favorite, Ed." Al waited until Ed stopped at the passenger door again to tap the answer to him.

"Red? Awesome choice, Al! I like your truck. I approve." Ed climbed up inside and situated himself in the seat, fumbling but failing to find the seatbelt. "Damn. Al, help?"

"Sure thing, brother." After a quick buckling in-wherein Ed sensed the affirming click and said a thank you-Al shut the passenger door and swung into the driver's seat. The truck roared to life with a satisfying rumble of vibration, earning an eager chuckle from Ed.

"Oh yeah, I approve. Okay Al, show me what this thing can do!"

"As you wish, Ed." Al carefully backed out, checked for pedestrians, and then tore out of the parking lot and floored the truck to fly down the road.


	56. Chapter 56

_To DPfruitloop_: A month already? Oops. Sorry, summertime work and family life!  
_To Shaat and Clear As Myst_: Ed was nice about his height because he had a monster headache. And because Jyxxie had a monster brainlapse of opportunity. ;)  
_To __Puppies12345678_: Ed's a few weeks away from 20 (if I'm counting right) and no, Al and Winry aren't married.

I know this isn't much after a month of waiting, but... more to come soon!

* * *

When Winry first heard the brothers approaching the front door, Ed was cackling like a hyena and Al was whining in protest. She flew to the door just in time for Ed to stumble in and _barely_ catch himself on the kitchen chair as his leg gave out.

"You can't tell me you're not gonna _tell_ her!" Ed crowed again, holding his stomach from the strain of laughter.

"Brother!" Al squeaked, earning even harder laughter from his flaring chi.

"But you have to-Al it's _priceless! _It's your first and-oh hi Winry!-you _have_ to tell her!"

"Tell me what? Ed? Alphonse, can he hear or see now?" Winry curiously watched Ed struggle to breathe through his mad snickering.

"No, he's just really good at picking up on who's around him now." Alphonse tried to mask his unease with a smile, but Winry saw right through it.

"Alphonse, tell me what happened."

"What do you-"

"Whatever Ed is laughing about and you're avoiding!"

"Can I tell her?!" Ed cackled, almost falling off the chair in hysterics.

"Geez Ed it's not _that_ funny!" Al cried indignantly.

"You got a _ticket!_" Ed cried between wheezy laughter. "Your first driving ticket _ever!_"

"Ed!"

"A _what?!_ Alphonse Elric!" Winry wielded her wrench threateningly. "How did you get a _ticket?!_"

"He was speeding!" Ed cried, borderline manic laughter only fueled by Winry's tangible shock. "And then he told off the cop and we almost got _arrested!_"

"You did _what?!_" Winry repeated with an angry cry. "You-"

"He's not telling you the whole story!" Al cried in his own defense. "He _punched_ the cop!"

"He-Ed punched a cop?" The wrench fell to her side as she stared at Edward whose laughter was finally dying down, the man unaware of the drying tears on his face. "Really?"

"Oh man Al, that was great," Ed sighed, leaning back in his chair. "I haven't laughed like that in years-and your reactions! I may as well have my senses for how strong your chi was!"

"Someone please explain the whole story," Winry pleaded.

"Okay, okay. Ed wanted to see how fast my truck could go-"

"Oh don't you start blaming all of this on _me!_" Ed protested, turning to face Al.

"But you started it! Geez Ed don't butt in, you can't even hear me!"

Ed grinned like a fiend, knowing damn well just how well he was misbehaving.

"So I floored the truck," Al continued, "since there wasn't any traffic and we were on the edge of town already. Wouldn't you know, a police car was just hiding behind a building..."

"I asked Al what the hell he was doing when he slammed on the brakes," Ed added in annoyance. "We went from fast as hell to stop! He parked the truck on the side of the road!"

"I didn't _slam_ on the brakes," Al corrected his deaf brother curtly. "I rapidly slowed down when I heard sirens behind me."

Winry shook her head in disbelief as Al continued the story.

"I didn't even have a chance to explain to Ed what was going on before the officer was at my door. He asked to see my license and why I was going so quickly, and I told him the truth-my brother wanted to see how fast the truck went."

"Oh, I bet he enjoyed _that_ reason," Winry muttered.

"Well, he was surprised to hear the truth so readily. But he nodded and glanced over at Ed, asking why he thought that hitting eighty on a dirt road where the limit was _thirty_ was a good idea. Naturally, Ed didn't answer, just impatiently waited and glanced around. I tried to speak, but the cop shushed me and insisted that Ed answer him-I finally managed to say that Ed is deaf, and again I had to say he was blind when the officer tried to catch his attention through sight."

True to his mischievous nature, false innocence was plain on Ed's face as he intently 'listened' to the conversation of emotion from his family.

"The officer didn't believe the double handicap despite my protests and reached over to tap Ed's shoulder. Ed simply gave a funny look and said 'Al? Al what's going on?' And since his next answer wasn't Dorset, he got defensive." Al sighed and readied to explain more but was halted by Winry.

"Dorset? What's that?"

"You don't know what Dorset code is?" Al frowned as Winry shook her head cluelessly. "The dots and dashes sent over telegraph before phones were available?"

"Oh that!" Winry smiled. "I didn't-wait, Ed knows it? Can he communicate with it?"

"Perfectly, actually! As long as you know the code-and it's easy to learn!-you can say anything to him."

"Oooh awesome!" Winry squeaked excitedly. "We can finally talk to him again!"

"Are you guys talking about me?" Ed inquired suspiciously. "That's a helluva shift in chi from both of you."

_I told Winry you know Dorset_, Al tapped to his brother while Winry watched in fascination.

"Oh! Good, I miss talking to her. As long as she doesn't try to hit me with a wrench again."

"I only did it when you deserved it!" Winry shot back.

Ed grinned mischievously as he played off cluelessness as a handicap and turned the attention back to Alphonse. "I still can't believe Al got a ticket."

"Yes, Alphonse, you never did get to that part." Winry turned her attention back to the very interesting matter of the Elrics' near-arrest.

"When the officer requested Ed to get out of the truck, the request was accompanied by a light shake of the arm. Ed responded by yanking his arm away and forming a fist, supplemented with his usual, uh, kind words...and when the officer grabbed his arm to try and stop a punch, Ed clobbered him right in the face." Al sighed and hung his head.

"Right in the face?" Winry put a hand on her mouth as she tried to stifle a giggle. "Was-was um, was the officer okay?"

"He got a bloody nose. Ed nearly _broke_ his nose. I apologized as well as I could and told Ed one word-_cop_-before I got out and helped to stop the bleeding. I cleaned his uniform with alchemy when I was done, Ed apologized, and he let us go with only a ticket for speeding."

Her giggle fit over, Winry shook her head in disbelief. "And Ed really apologized willingly to the officer?"

"Once he found out that the cop was the man he punched, yeah. You should have seen his face, he went white as a ghost!"

"Oh wow!" Winry laughed once more before Ed piped up.

"Did you tell her about the cop? Geez Winry I thought someone else punched me; when Al said 'cop' I thought the guy was gonna get arrested!"

"_You_ almost did!" Winry retorted. "You're lucky Al was there to-"

"I'm just glad Al was able to explain my uh, condition to the cop." Ed chuckled sheepishly. "I don't think I'd do well in jail like this."

"Are you kidding Ed? You'd kick everyone's butt!"

"Can you imagine?" Ed paled, unwise to Al's comment. "You hear the stories about that...what if..what if I get..." Ed's eyes flashed fearfully before he squeezed them shut tightly and sucked in a sharp breath. "I'm good, I'm good," he whispered almost inaudibly.

"Ed?" Winry placed a comforting hand on his arm, pulling it back when he visibly flinched.

"I-um, sorry Roy," Ed mumbled. "You know I..." Ed trailed off as he felt Al's chi only feet from him, realization smacking his pride in the face. "Oh...oh crap, um, h-hey Al...I didn't say anything...dumb around Winry, did I?"

_No, brother_. Al tapped the Dorset to Ed as Winry watched in concern and confusion. _What's wrong?_

"I...I was um..." Ed faltered, glancing right at Winry before continuing. "Just a-a bad memory, of, y'know. Sorry."

_You don't have to apologize for that, Ed. It wasn't your fault._

"Al, what was that about?" Winry stepped over to Ed, stopping when his golden eyes turned upward to gaze at her.

"I'm fine, Winry, honest."

"Like he said," Al sighed; "just a bad memory. You know how old memories tend to spring on him."

"Yeah." Winry leaned down to hug her friend. "Even if I don't know Dorset yet, you can still talk to me, Ed."

"I love you too, Winry." Ed returned the hug with as much gentleness as she remembered from years ago. When she pulled away moments later, though, his abrasiveness shone through. "So, how long will it take to fix this damn leg?"

* * *

Winry tried to give me instant mobility with a loaner leg, but I just couldn't adjust to it enough to balance on it properly. Well, I _could_ walk, but it was tricky as hell and I just opted for the wheelchair.

I'm sitting in Winry's workshop as she services the detached automail, my entertainment in the form of Alphonse switching back and forth in Dorset between his search for help for me, and all of Winry's conversation as she speaks. It's funny because Alphonse still isn't, well, _practiced_ at Dorset so sometimes he mixes letters up and context is usually my best clue to what he means...but since he keeps two conversations going, I occasionally ask for a pause and repeat.

"Alphonse," I patiently interrupt; "before we go any further-I need some food. _Please_."

I hadn't mentioned food until now because Winry's been so excited and _happy_ to be able to tell me what's been going on. However, seeing as my last meal was five hours ago and a rather weak one from the train's meager selection...

_Didn't you eat before we got off the train?_

"I had a fruit smoothie for breakfast and a drink of wine for lunch. So, yes and no. I need some _real_ food."

_Oh! Sorry bro_. The Dorset disappears as fast as Alphonse's chi, leaving me alone with Winry a few yards away.

Oh, this is awkward. She doesn't know Dorset yet and I haven't been around someone that I'm unable to communicate with for some time.

"So, um...how much longer...well, what percentage of my leg is done? Tap my chest or my head to let me know."

I can't help but pick up on it-Winry's annoyed. Apparently she still dislikes being rushed.

_Heehee_.

"Well? How far done are you?"

She still ignores me. I really should know better, but...

"Hey come on, I gave you a valid way to answer me!"

And answer she does-I feel three swift, painful blows to my head that are unmistakably her wrench.

"Oowwwwh," I whine, grabbing at the pounding spot. "So I guess that means thirty..."

No answer follows as I wait for the painful twinge to dissipate, glad for my deadened senses as her _torturous_ treatment of my head dissolves quickly.

_Tap, tap, tap._

Huh?

"Alphonse?"

_Lunch. We don't have a blender like Roy, so I mashed potatoes with soft carrots. You don't have to chew._

"Oh, perfect! Gimme a spoon! I'm good with those." As he hands me the food, I dig in eagerly and carefully use my proprioception to less than gracefully hork it down.

What can I say? I'm _hungry!_

After a few decent forkfuls, a tapping on my chest interrupts my filling meal.

_Ed, slow down! Winry says you're eating like a pig._

Though I don't know if I have food in my mouth, I swallow for good measure.

"Hey, the last time I was here, I was eating through a needle. So shut up and let me enjoy my taters!"

_Ed_\- Al trails off, and I wonder if he thought I was angry.

"What? Al?"

_Did you just say taters?_

"With carrots. Yes."

_You haven't said taters since we were little!_

"Are you trying to call me little?!"

_Well, if the automail fits..._

"Al don't make me kick your ass you _know_ I can!"

_Relax, Ed. You don't have to always be so immature._

Immature? Really, Al? 'S that how you wanna play?

"I'll show you immature." I snagged another scoop of carrotatoes on my spoon, honed in on Al's chi, and _slung_ it at him with a merciless grin.


	57. Chapter 57

_To Solomonssavior_: Pinako will make an appearance shortly. Sorry about her absence!  
_To seireidoragon_: Thank you! I'm glad you like the story :D  
_To DPfruitloop_: Don't worry, I'm never completely on hiatus. I just only get to work on this story in spurts. There was a vacation, then illness, then work, then socializing, and then _another_ illness...oops. _Excuses, excuses_

* * *

The battle between the mechanic and mechanic-dependent was short but near legendary. Though Ed coveted his food, he happily slung it at both Al and Winry, singling out the wrench-wielding wench as she tossed back first smaller metal tools, then graduating the sizes during the battle.

The end result of their miniature war was an impressive headache for Ed, as well as a longer wait time for his automail due to necessary cleanup of the entire workshop.

He may have lost both ways, but he still considered it a total win.

"C'mon Al, gimme some aspirin! You know I can swallow solid stuff now!" Ed gingerly rubbed his sore skull, oblivious to the impressive bruising and bumps forming just under his hair. "My head is _pounding_."

"It's your own fault, brother." Al sighed and fetched the pills out of the cabinet, easing open Ed's mouth while it was for once _silent_ and sliding them as far into the throat as he could-before being reminded that Ed still possessed a gag reflex, even if he couldn't feel what was there.

Alphonse apologized on deaf ears for Ed's sudden coughing fit, discarding the fallen pills and easing Ed's discomfort with a gentle back rub.

"Ed?" Al watched as Ed placed a hand to his throat. "What is it?"

"I'm...Al, did you put the pills in there?"

"Yeah. You can't tell?"

"Did they go down?"

"No, you coughed them up."

"Well?"

"No, they-"

"Dorset, Al!" Ed cried, flashing a glare for only a moment before sighing and hanging his head. "Sorry. I shouldn't get angry with you-this handicap is my problem, not yours. Besides, I'm so good at reading people sometimes, right?" Ed smiled sadly, wrenching his brother's heart.

"Oh Ed, I'm sorry." Al reached out to tap a reply in his slow and sometimes faulty Dorset, but he didn't even get a word in before Ed started speaking again.

"It's not that I-that I hate how-um, how I am, it's just... sometimes I can't _stand_ it!" Ed suddenly lashed, anger mirrored in the fists of both hands as he almost cracked the cast open despite extreme pain. He hung his head and tried to get his emotions under control, relaxing only long enough to explain himself.

"Brother-"

"I can't hear anyone, I can't see if they're talking. I can't-I _can't_, you know? There's so much that I _can't_ anymore. Roy and you have shown me what I still _can_, what I can _do_, but still it...it sometimes _gets_ to me. I'm happy, in life-you know I-I have my family and Roy but-" Ed's tightly shut eyes opened to reveal a glistening that streamed down his cheeks. His voice tumbled out in a waveringly small and broken tone. "Is it wrong to miss what I had?"

"Of course not." Al bent down and threw his arms around Ed, offering much-needed comfort for the both of them as Al's heart ached while Ed cried against his shoulder. "That's never wrong. You've come so far, but you'll always miss what you've lost."

"I know," Ed sniffled; "You're right, Al. You always are." With a small laugh, he wiped his arm across his eyes. "It's a good thing we're so in tune, I can read your words in my head!"

"What, like telepathy?" Al pulled back, staring in amazement at his brother.

"What? Did I surprise you again?"

"What am I saying now?"

"You're testing me, aren't you. Al I read your _feelings_, not your speech." Ed directed an unamused stare right at Al.

"Well-you're the one who said you can read my words!"

"When you talk, you're just verbalizing what you're thinking and how you're feeling. I pick up just on the feelings, and if they're intense enough, I can interpret them. Although since we're so in sync, I can just about understand you no matter what."

"Ohhh," Al hummed understandingly. "So your-"

"Al? Seriously, I wouldn't mind the Dorset right now."

"Erk-s-sorry, Ed." _Can you understand Roy's emotions that well?_

"I wish I could," Ed sighed. "Either his aura or chi or whatever you wanna call it isn't as strong as yours, or I'm just not in tune with it as much as I should be."

_You still read him better than strangers, don't you?_

"Well yeah of course I do! But I still don't read him as good as I read _you_."

_Ed, we've been together since birth and with unconditional love. Of course you can read me so well._

"Well...yeah, true." Ed leaned back in his wheelchair with a thoughtful expression. "Geez Al, you're _always_ right."

Al happily reached forward to answer Ed with a devious grin.

_I always was_.

"Oh like _hell!_" Ed cried, failing to make contact as he playfully swiped at his little bro. "Heyyy, no fair, dodging the blind guy!"

_You fight better without sight!_ Al tried to sneak Dorset to Ed by hiding behind him, but the backslap from Ed proved that his chi was giving him away like usual.

"I know, and I can whup your ass anytime now!"

Al shook Ed's head by the ponytail before bolting away, narrowly avoiding another smack from his brother.

"Al I'm gonna kick your ass!"

_With only one leg?_

"_Alphonse!_" Ed used his memory of wheelchairs to grab the wheels, shove forward, and aim for Al's flaring energy signature. He was almost there when it disappeared due to Al sidestepping him, but he didn't turn or stop fast enough and _slammed_ into the couch, landing lying on it rather successfully.

"Uhm, brother? Are you all right?"

"I know you're an Elric and they're never completely innocent, but...geez Al, you _really_ fight dirty now."

"What-I do not!" Al reached down to help Ed back to the wheelchair, but he calmly refused and instead rolled into his back to relax.

"It's all right, Al. I'm sure you have things to do; I'm gonna take a-" he paused for a yawn- "short nap."

"With you brother, everything is short." Al giggled, but faltered when he caught Ed opening one eye just to glare right at him.

"I'll remember that when I get my leg back, _little_ brother."

* * *

I was surprised by how quickly Winry finished my leg, considering the mess I made in her workshop. Either she's better than she used to be, or she worked extra hard to get her _really_ crippled friend mobile.

Or she just loves me!

Then again, who doesn't?

Geez, I wonder how Roy is holding up without me. He's probably enjoying a little vacation; he doesn't have to mix my drinks or bathe me or supervise me on the second floor so I don't fall down the stairs-

Damn, if I could only _see_.

Al and Winry and Roy and everyone are all willing to lead me though, to guide me to wherever I desire. Whether outside for a walk and a chat, or to the bathroom because I can't remember where that damn thing is after just a few short years..

"Winry? Win, where are you?"

I know Al's not here, his energy signature left the property some time ago.

I can sense him all the way out to the end of the lane!

But I can't sense where the _bathroom_ is.

I close my eyes and try to relax, willing the sixth sense to take over. After a mere ten steps, I smack straight into the wall, miraculously remaining upright. Rather than curse my inabilities, I thank Winry for the good leg.

Don't tell me losing my senses made me gain _manners_. The guys at HQ would die with laughter if they knew that.

Focus, Ed! You don't have to go _too_ bad. You can find the bathroom, you know what shape the toilet is.

"Winry? You around?" Pause. "I need your help."

Oh well, it was worth a shot. I begin navigating the perimeter of the room, hugging the wall and waiting for my hand to sail into the nothingness that constitutes a new room; a doorway.

Thank goodness I don't have to go that bad, because it takes me fifteen minutes and discovering a bedroom before I find the bathroom. Once I find the toilet, I make sure the lid is up before I yank my pants down and spin expertly on my heel to land on the seat.

_Ah, relief._

That's one thing I hate about my handicap. Just going to the _bathroom_ is a chore without aid. Especially in a house which I haven't been unconsciously familiar in for so long-

_Tap, tap._

Um. Who's that?

"Winry?"

_Nod_.

But aren't I taking a _piss?_

"What-what are you doing in here?!"

There's a rough smack across my head and I grab it, whining pathetically.

"Winryyyyy what the hell!"

I feel my left thigh just barely moving back and forth as I try to save at least _some_ dignity by attempting to cover my privates.

What is she _doing?_

I can't ask her, because she really can't answer. She spent so much time on my leg that she hasn't learned Dorset yet.

"Winry I'm in the-come on I'm on the _toilet!_"

One final smack across my head before the strange assault disappears, leaving me completely alone in the room once more.

Alone and completely confused!

"Winry? H-hey!"

My bladder is empty, so I finish up in the bathroom before vacating the room to search for her and some answers.

"Winry! Hey! Where are you?"

I _hate_ it when I'm ignored-

Oh, there she is.

I still as I walk right into her, but she didn't even budge upon our collision. I guess when you work with heavy metal all the time...

"Win?"

_Nod_.

"Were you in the bathroom with me?"

_Nod_.

"Why?!"

She nudges my leg a few times, and I don't think she's being gentle about it. When I question her further, my hand moves of her accord and touches-my crotch?

"_What?_"

My hand drops and nothing more is said, despite my rather-at least _I_ think-patient waiting.

"Uh, Winry?"

Man, I really wish she had learned-

Dorset?

She's using Dorset!

Oh, she must have gotten the code paper.

_Y...o...u..._

Damn, she's slow!

_Peed...on..your...leg_.

"I what?! Which leg?"

_Automail_.

I peed on my automail?!

"I did not!"

She nods my head, only cementing my embarrassment. I peed on my own _leg!_

I really can't deny doing it as I can't see or feel it.

I don't remember Roy ever cleaning off my leg like that; do I ever do it at home?

"_How_ did I do it? Is your toilet different? Wasn't I on it right?"

_You sat too far forward._

The only thing distracting me from more embarrassment is that I notice her speed in Dorset is picking up.

It's not distracting me from the heat in my head of an idiot's flushed face.

"Oh. I'm sorry Winry, I-I really had to go and nobody was around to help me find the bathroom..." I pause as I pick up on a hint of surprise; "I forgot where the bathroom _was_ because I'm so used to the layout at home..."

_It's all right Ed. I just don't want your leg to rust._

"No way! I just got it!" I stomp it on the floor pointedly, regretting the action moments later when I find myself slumped against a wall from sudden loss of balance. "Um, I meant to do that."

I have a sudden mental image of Winry shaking her head in disbelief. I take this as a mental translation of a hint of chi, of my sixth sense. Sometimes my mind interprets the moments of energy and odd _knowing_ and displays it as a mental picture for me. It's a nice gesture, really.

It translates rather accurately, as the absence of any more interaction tells me that Winry's gone. Whether she left to her workshop or even to the kitchen, she must have judged my ability to handle myself and left me alone.

Well, I _was_ able to find the bathroom all by myself.

I reacquaint myself with the familiar old Rockbell residence, cataloging and then happily avoiding the location of the stairs. After a few quick rounds of the house, memory of its layout slowly returns and makes my navigation immensely easier.

I trail my hand along the wall of the hallway as I meander toward the kitchen, planning not on losing my way and getting stuck outside again. A little shiver runs through my spine as I remember the _fear_ from a year ago of getting stuck outside at night and being forced to scream to alert Al that I was errantly void of safety.

But that was kind of my own fault, wasn't it? I was looking for freedom that I wasn't ready to handle.

I'm more stable and sound of mind now. I can take almost anything; hell, my stupid 'episodes' from the kidnapping are less and less all the time!

And I'm getting awesome at navigation. I've found the kitchen already. I wish I could say that the smell of hot soup on the stove wasn't imaginary. It's better than nothing.

I sense my friend and saunter into the room like a pro, confidently ready to interrupt whatever Winry might be doing.

No matter the consequences...

_Ow_.

* * *

Winry has made hot soup for all of us, but I'm not allowed to pilfer any just yet because we're waiting for visitors. I moan and complain about my gnawing _hunger_ and the delicious smell of the food isn't helping either.

I reach over to nab a hot roll fresh from the oven, but Winry must have noticed because I feel the sharp pain of her wrench on my skull.

_Damn_, that woman has _scary_ accuracy!

"Winry come on I'm _starving!_"

"You'll wait on our company and you'll do it with _patience_, Ed!" She replies with inarguable command. I sit down and cross my arms in disgruntlement, but the wait is short as the front door slams open without a knock of warning-

It's _Roy!_

I don't even question my excitement as I jump up, forgetting the food for delight of his arrival. I run to him and throw my arms around him, then realize what I'm doing and in front of everyone else too-I yank away just as rapidly, face red with embarrassment. Despite my actions, nobody seems to mind what just happened, strangely of all _Mustang_.

"I haven't been gone that long, Ed," he says with just a bit too much familiarity.

"Yeah whatever!" I reply haughtily, but his next action stupefies me completely-he steals my mouth and heart in a kiss, and I can't even think to do anything, let alone the sensible thing and _break away_.

When he finally does, I feel my face grow flaming hot as I yell at him.

"What the hell was that for?!"

"What do you mean?" Roy asks humoredly, taking my hand in his and leading me toward the table where Winry and Al have already taken their seats. "You seemed happy to see me, I thought you'd like a kiss."

"From _you?!_"

"Oh Ed stop bickering with your husband and sit down to eat already, you were starving just minutes ago!" Winry complains despite a smile she shares with Al.

"_HUSBAND?!_"

Roy lifts our joined hands, revealing matching, simple golden bands. It's all I can do just to stare at them completely flabbergasted.

"But-"

"Come now, _dear_," Roy patronizes; "your public awaits and so does your appetite."

"When did we get _married?!_" I utter stupidly as Roy sits me at the table, my plate being piled high with-potatoes. No soup. Only mashed potatoes.

"Last year," Roy answers casually as though the act was normal to him, or that my forgetting something so vital was common.

"And-we did? Really?"

"Of course you did," Al answers, my voice of reason that is now being completely unreasonable. "You looked so cute in that blue tux Roy got you. It's too bad you wouldn't wear that more flashy suit though."

"I wish you would have worn that dress," Winry complained. "It's not like you would have seen it without your eyes!"

"_Me_ wear a _dress?! _Winry you-wait, what?" Eyes? That threw me for a loop. "When did I not have my _eyes?_"

"Since the Promised Day," Roy replies calmly. "You've been blind and deaf since then, remember?"

"But I can see and hear you just fine right now!" I retort angrily.

"Can you? That's odd." Roy still seems completely relaxed with the entire ordeal and even has the gall to take a bite from his meal before asking Winry how her business is running.

"Hey does anybody know what's going on?! Last time I checked I wasn't blind and deaf and I wasn't _married!_"

"Sounds like a strange dream," Al muses.

"More like a nightmare," Roy adds. "To imagine you not by my side!"

"A nightmare," I growl sarcastically; "the _nightmare_ is that I can't make any sense of all of this..."

Maybe it is all a dream. That would be the best way to explain it, right?

I feel almost weightless as the possibility of being in a dream mulls over in my head-

And then I feel heavy, hot, breathless and anxious as everything is gone and blank and _horizontal_ and my mind is so clouded, so muddled-

"Roy," I gasp, though I no longer hear my own voice.

"Roy-" I reach out for him and try to sit up, but there's something wrong with the bed!

I can't see anymore. Everything is a blindingly bland white again, the familiar faces and voices only a fading memory.

Where am I?

I try again to sit up, but whatever I'm laying on is uneven and hindering to _sitting_. I gasp and growl and call for Roy again, clawing at the sides of the-the _whatever_.

"_Roy!_"

I lash out in frustration, kicking up and then down-and this seems to be my salvation, as I not only sit up, but am thrown to my feet, trip, and land flat on my face. I kick again, pointlessly out of anger, back at the offending _object_.

Thankfully, it doesn't kick back.

I get up off the floor and move from what I think is the bed to the doorway-but I'm met with wall. I try to figure out where I am, but nothing is familiar! Nothing is making any _sense!_

What the hell is going on?! I'm so tired, I just want to know what's happening.

That's probably why I'm so irritable...I'm still really tired.

Half asleep.

"Rooooy," I crow in annoyance. "Roy help! I wanna go back to bed where are you?!"

No answer comes, and I don't try to search any further. I just do the only thing my tired, disoriented mind can comprehend.

I drop to my knees, steady myself with hands on the floor, and break into tears.


	58. Chapter 58

_To alone-together-us-__you_: I used to update more frequently (every day!) but life has been busy this summer, and it's actually dropped to about once a month. It'll vary, but I am trying to work on it, as there's still much to go! :)

I'm glad everyone loves the story! And how much I abuse our poor little Ed. ❤  
Sorry I confused you guys with the dream bit-that was intentional, because Ed was just as confused himself!

* * *

Arms lift me to kneeling. I'm still crying and too confused to stand, but I calm enough to make out the Dorset to my chest.

_Ed, relax. You're safe._

"Roy what's going on?" I cry pathetically. "I woke up and I couldn't _get_ up and you weren't _there!_"

_Ed. Ed, it's Al._

"What?!"

_It's me, brother._

Alphonse?

_You're in Risembool._

I'm in... oh.

_Oh_.

Edward, you unbelievable _jackass!_

"Risembool," I repeat stupidly, opening my mouth again only for a yawn to escape.

_Are you tired?_

"Ridiculously," I murmur, grasping for his hand insecurely. "I had a dream-you were all there-I was married to Roy and-and you guys said I was blind and deaf but I could see and hear you...and Winry wouldn't let me eat any of the soup..."

I calm as I feel a warm aura, similar to Armstrong's sparkles, only more cozy and homey.

My brother's laughter.

* * *

Alphonse had moved Edward to the upstairs, setting him in bed between Winry and himself. Ed happily played the role of the child waking in the middle of the night to sleep with mommy and daddy and snuggled up with Winry, murmuring Roy's name once or twice in his sleep before Al could finally drift off.

Once the morning arrived and the day was in full swing, Edward admitted his mistake to Al and Winry and apologized with more humility than they realized he had.

"I'm sorry," Ed mumbled over his breakfast of eggs; "I forgot where I was...I thought I was still in Central..."

Seated next to his brother, Al was the first to reply. _You don't have to apologize, Ed. I didn't think you'd forget where you are._

Having paused in his focused chewing to decipher the Dorset, he nodded slowly, remembering to swallow before speaking.

"It's only because I was half asleep."

_Then why did you kiss Winry when you woke up?_

Ed's face lit up bright red as he stammered a denial.

"I-I did-I mean-oh come on I mean _you_ probably kiss her every day!"

"Yes I do!" Al laughed, ignoring Winry's glare.

_But she's my girlfriend, not your boyfriend._

"Oh go to hell Alphonse you know I didn't mean because I can't see and-oh just go to hell!" Ed finished rather anticlimactically, crossing his arms to further his point.

_Love you too, lil bro_, Al replied, dodging the wild swing that instead upchucked Ed's plate full of eggs into the floor.

"Ed!" Winry cried angrily, but her annoyance was gone in a moment-replaced only seconds later with humor as Ed tried to grab more eggs from his missing plate.

Al and Winry couldn't help it-they watched as Ed made the whole motions of grab, chew and then swallow, all on air-and only then did Ed realize something was amiss.

"Where the hell is my food?! Did you guys take it away? You're a bunch of _assholes!_"

Winry tried to hold her laughter as she gave Ed the rest of her own breakfast, but Alphonse didn't hold back on his mad snickering.

_Ed_... Al's Dorset trailed off as he reigned in his humored reaction. _You knocked your plate over. Winry gave you more._

"Yeah I think you're full of crap!" Ed retorted stubbornly. "Just because I kissed Winry today before you did!"

_Just because you steal my stuff_, Al tapped coolly, _Doesn't mean I steal yours._

"_Alphonse!_"

* * *

Winry has a lot of work to do today, and I can't even watch her. I think Al is just trying to get me out and socializing again, and he's taking me into town-of all ways, on _foot_ and not his truck-despite my protests of the idea.

"Does anyone in town know Dorset?"

_I doubt it._

"Then why do I have to go?!"

_I can relay their messages, Ed_.

"Yeah well then don't abbreviate. Give me every word okay?"

_Okay_.

Despite Al's assurances, I still don't want to go. I'm not sure why, though. Is it because all of my childhood neighbors will finally learn how _unable_ I am? Or is it because I won't be able to directly communicate with them?

It's really not that hard to figure out. I just don't want to be out of my _comfort zone_.

_But Ed_, comes Al's Dorset; _Everything that Roy did for you was out of your comfort zone._

Aw man, I voiced that! Will I ever learn to _control_ that?

"I know," I grumble in response. "But...geez Al, I think I'm turning into a shut-in. It's so hard to have to _decode_ all of my conversation. I know I'm a patient and-you all say it-_stubborn_ person, but it just gets _tiring_ sometimes and I'd rather try to interpret through my sixth sense."

Understanding, that's the feel of Al's chi. Not pity, like I thought I might pick up on.

_I know, brother. But it's better than no communication at all and we love you so we'll match your patience with each tap._

I stumble a bit as he finishes, grabbing better hold of his free hand. I assure him I'm fine.

I didn't stumble because I was decoding while walking. I stumbled because I keep being reminded how great my family is, and how much they love me.

And, I guess, I still sometimes question my faith in the human race, despite everything I learned on my travels and all the wonderful people we met.

I have no choice on my method of communication. It's Dorset or silence.

Everybody else can choose. They could ignore me for ease of speaking with someone else who can hear them, or even do that sign language thing with people who can _see_ them.

I can't even do that, because I can't feel my hands.

Yet, people still choose to converse with me, in my own strange way.

They learn the language of dots and dashes just so they can commune with the formerly-glorious man who saved the country and now relies on another for any aspect of survival.

Do they try out of curiosity? Out of pity, maybe? So that I won't feel so alone.

It's always lonely in my mind.

I can't help it. I'm an extrovert. I need constant social interaction, especially now that it's my only escape from my memories and imagination.

_Ed?_

Maybe Al's right; maybe I need to have more patience-

_Ed?_

Huh?

_Brother?_

Oh. Alphonse has been trying to get my attention; trying to awaken me from my thoughts. I open my mouth to reply, but I suddenly _know_ that there's another person with us.

"Sorry Al, just thinking. Who's our company?"

Surprise. He didn't know I picked up on that! I put my hand out in greeting before he can clue me in on who the person is.

"Good...morning? Nice to meet you."

_Ed, it's Mrs. Pritchard._

"The general store owner? Oh! Hello! Sorry about the whole communication thing, I can't really see or hear..."

_Yes, I know. Alphonse told me_.

_Yes, I know. Al_-

"Al? What are you repeating it for?"

_What?_

"Why are you repeating the Dorset? I got it the first time. 'Yes, I know. Alphonse told me.' "

A complete absence of Dorset follows my query. My confusion is only furthered by the growing shock I feel.

"Uh, Al?"

_I never told you the whole statement_.

"Then how'd I get it?! Was I right?"

_You said it verbatim. Was it your sixth sense?_

"It's never put words right into my mind before."

_I wonder if it's due to spiritual awareness?_

Whoa, whoa wait, I know _that_ one wasn't tapped out to me. Those words _were_ in my head.

"Mrs. Pritchard? What's spiritual awareness?"

More shock. Mostly from Al, curiously enough...

"Guys?"

I feel a hand place itself on my chest, so gently that I shouldn't be aware of its presence. It's leaving a nice tingly feel, and somehow, I hear her voiceless words in my head once more.

_Can you hear me, Edward?_

"Yeah, I can. How are you doing that?"

_Ever since my youth...a gift. Some tell me. Some call me a witch. But I just know things about people...it's helped me in life._

"A... a...huh. Really?" A witch? "You have special powers?"

_Just increased awareness of everything. Anyone can develop it. I was born with it._

"Wow. I can't believe it-but I can because I can hear you-geez, Al, am I imagining this? Have I gone nuts?"

The Dorset comes again, relaxing my tense body slightly.

_You're not imagining it, brother. She's not even speaking. I don't know what she's saying_.

"No wonder she always knew when we were up to no good all those years ago," I laugh.

_You were good boys_, she assures me. _I could tell. Mischievous but good_.

"Yeah." I would talk to her for longer, but I sense that I'm not supposed to-and sure enough, I receive one final message from her.

_It was good to see you, Edward. We'll talk again, but I must go for now_.

"Oh." I wonder if my dismay is visible on my face or in my voice. "Okay. It was good to talk to you, and really _talk_ to you," I say with a grin. "See you later!"

_She said she had to go back and open the store_, Al explains for me. _She was on her way back from the post office_.

"She said some people called her a witch," I blurt out. "I mean-if that's even a thing then she must be the _good_ kind."

_I always thought she was nice_.

"Of course you did! You were never the one getting into trouble!"

_You were always the one causing the trouble_.

"As my little brother, you were supposed to back me up!"

_And get punished all the time for what you did? Nuh-uh_.

"Goody two-shoes."

_Troublemaker_.

"Prissy."

_Instigator._

"Prude!"

_Hellion!_

"Hell _yeah!_" I laugh and start forward without aid. "When did you learn _that_ word?"

_People used to call you that all the time!_

"What can I say? I earned my reputation."

_Slow down before you walk into traffic._

"_What _traffic? This is a small town!"

_There's a bit more due to Winry's business_.

"Really? More traffic just due to her?"

_She's one of the best automail engineers in the country_.

"Well hell Al, I could've told you that!"

_I can tell your new leg is working well_.

"So she did give me a new one, huh?"

_Well, you don't need one for the cold north now, and she's made some progress in lighter metal alloys. Besides, your old one __**was**_ _pretty bad..._

"Hey, I can't help that people can't control their vehicles!"

_After you run into traffic_.

"Because Ling's chi is as strong as yours."

_Lan Fan too, right?_

"Almost. I think she hides hers most of the time."

Al suddenly turns me and leads me to the left. I curiously pause and ask why we shifted course.

_You were heading straight out of town_.

"Oh. Well how do you know that wasn't intentional?" I retort pridefully.

_You said you'd be more social_.

"And I will. Fine, take me to the social scene then."

_How many people can you-_

"Oh geez Al just take me somewhere! I'll manage!"

_Okay, okay. Just wait here, I have to run inside here for the bathroom_.

"Sure, don't ask me if _I _have to go."

_Do you?_

"No." I grin as I feel his chi move away. I wait patiently for an entire minute before realizing that I should have joined him, because I _will_ have to go soon. _Dammit_.

"Al? Hey Al?" Why am I even calling him? I can feel his chi isn't... okay, actually, I can't feel his chi. Odd.

I turn and trail where I sensed him last, finding a doorway rather rapidly. I still don't sense him, but as I take a few steps inside, somebody else finds me.

I'm yanked sideways, then led across the room. Someone practically _shoves_ me against something, a table? And then into a seat. I wait for more, but none comes; I wonder if they're trying to communicate with me.

A clap on my back and a cup in my hands. When I just sit there cluelessly, the cup is lifted to my mouth-

"Uh, hey, wh-what are you doing? Where's Al?"

My words must've been all the trigger this person wanted, because the liquid from the glass is spilling down my throat before I can realize. It burns on the way down, and I recognize it instantly-

What is it with people feeding a disabled man _alcohol?_

"Geez!" I cough, putting the glass down. "Warn a guy first!" My mischievous side takes over, egged on only by the liquid in my possession.

"You could'a just asked." I down the entire glass, chugging until I run out of oxygen and then thankfully there's only air _left_ in the glass. I may be coughing and spluttering, but I downed it all in one go!

The fuzzy feeling seeps in rather quickly as I feel another clap on my back and a strange silent chorus of energy. I think I'm being cheered.

Where is _Al?_

"Alphonse?"

The only affirmation of my question arrives in the form of another glass in my hands, one that I assume is a refill. I don't think my tolerance can handle that.

"Guys guys; one is enough for me! But thank you for the drink."

I move to stand, but a pressure on my shoulders puts me right back in my seat. I uncomfortably grasp the glass still in my hands, wondering if I'm being encouraged or if I'm being forced to stay.

"No, really, one should be it for me. I have enough trouble staying upright without intoxication!"

The person on my left pushes the glass closer to me. They just don't _get_ it.

"I'm sorry, I can't-"

I'm silenced by more alcohol-not even from my own glass-pouring down my throat. I'm accustomed to the intrusion just enough to not choke on it, but when I can finally breathe again, I throw a punch in an attempt to escape. Though I'm blocked immediately, no return blow strikes me.

Those sneaky bastards are _messing_ with me!

"Do I know you?"

Silence.

"Seriously! Just move my head to answer. Yes or no? Do I know you?"

_Yes_.

"Military?"

_No_.

"School?"

_No_.

"Childhood?"

_Yes_.

"That doesn't narrow it down a whole lot..."

_No_.

"Man?"

_Yes_.

"Are you-" He shoves the beer glass closer to me again, and I politely push it away.

"No, really, I can't have any more. Thank you."

He does it again-who _is_ this guy and why won't he leave me alone?! Where's Alphonse?

"Sorry, I have to find my brother." I move to stand, but I'm back in my seat again. I swear, if this guy doesn't quit-

Oh. He actually lifts me up and steadies me. He didn't sit me back down, I was just too tipsy to stand.

"Th-thank you. Do you know my brother?"

_Nod_.

"Do you see him?"

_No_.

"Oh hell. Well I'll just go back outside, he'll find me. Thanks for the-for the drink."

He turns me to, I suppose, point me toward the door. I rely on my sixth sense to safely take me outside and search for my brother.

I think I make it outside. As soon as I take my first steps clear of the building, I fall sideways and hit the wall. My balance is precarious and my mind too fuzzy to give too much of a fuck to public appearance. I simply snort in laughter as I feel my legs drunkenly give way and I slide in slow motion down to my ass.

Al will find me. He always does.


	59. Chapter 59

_To Guest_: Honestly, it was going to be a random childhood friend. I didn't know about Pitt until you gave his name and I looked him up. So, we can go with Pitt, all grown up like Ed. :)

* * *

"Is this going to be a habit with him?!" Al groaned in exasperation, searching wildly for his older brother. "I can't leave him alone for a _minute!_"

Alphonse really had been in the bathroom for only a minute and he couldn't believe that Ed had _disappeared_ so quickly. He had been searching the entire block surrounding the place he'd left Ed, but hadn't found him inside or around any buildings.

"Where could you have _gone?_"

Relief flooded him as he neared the bar whose restroom he used, for he saw Ed lazily relaxing in the weedy grass just outside the building.

"_There_ you are!" As he neared the building, Ed's head lazily lifted to gaze hazily at Al.

"Alfffonfse?"

"Ed? Are you okay?"

"That you?"

"Yeah. Geez Ed, did someone mug you?" Al tapped his reply in Dorset, not expecting Ed's stupid sniggering.

"In a-in a sense, yeah."

"What are you-..." Al finally got it. Why Ed's face was flushed, why he was slumped against the wall, why he was snickering like an idiot.

_Who gave you alcohol?_

"Iunno. He di'nt know Dorset."

_You didn't even know him?_

"He said I did."

_You just said he didn't know Dorset!_

"He didn't."

"Then how-geez Ed, what am I going to do with you..." Al took Ed's hands and laboriously pulled him to his feet despite lazy protests.

Ed stumbled slightly, trying to falsely correct his illusion of unsteadiness. This nearly took him and Al back down again, but his brother was quick to correct him and hold him upright.

"Geez-dizzy-Al I don't wanna stand."

_How much did you have, brother?_

"One beer!" Ed retorted stubbornly. "Well, then he dumped somethin' else in...honestly I don't know if any of it was beer..."

Al sighed and began to lead Ed toward a nearby restaurant for a quick bite and a hopeful preemptive hangover cure.

"Aaaaal, where we goin'? Go getchur truck, I can't walk right."

_Because you're drunk._

"I am not!"

_You're sure acting it._

"If I was drunk I wouldn't be able to read _Dorset!_"

_You're still drunk._

"I am not! I'm slightly in-ineberrated."

_Inebriated?_

"That's what I said!"

_Hardly_.

"Al I'm _deaf!_"

_And drunk._

"Gaaah!"

_Relax, we're going to eat. You'll be sober in no time._

"Food? Awright, I-I think I can manage that."

* * *

This is the first time I've been to a restaurant since I've been able to communicate with Dorset.

And Al uses it to tell me they have nothing soft!

"Bullshit!" I bark, likely startling our waitress by both my brashness and slight inebriation. "They gotta have something! Mashed potatoes, eggs, pudding, cream of whatever soup!"

_She confirmed the mashed potatoes and pudding. Which would you like?_

"Both. I'd like to have warm and cold today."

_Water first._

"Okay fine. Not a bad idea."

The absence of Dorset returns and I slouch in my seat, trying to break through the haze that the alcohol has on my mind. It's not as strong as the last time I had a few drinks, but it's enough to make me feel tired and stupid and more verbally free than I should be.

As it is I feel the vibration in my throat of speech, but I'm honestly not sure what's coming out. There are images of Roy and days gone past in my mind, but is that what I'm talking about? Am I reminiscing?

In the past, I never thought I would say it-but damn, I miss Mustang. I know Alphonse is my brother and I should be enjoying my time here more with him, but I think about Roy so much and my heart aches knowing that he's not by my side. There's just something about a romantic relationship that a brother can't do.

I wonder how that old bastard is doing...

* * *

"Colonel?"

"Not now, Havoc."

"But this one needs your authorization immedia-"

"They all need my immediate authorization!" Ray snapped, sighing moments later as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry. Give it here. What's it about?"

"Distribution of resources back to the Ishvalan lands-um, sir?"

"Huh? What is it for?" Roy repeated, snapping himself out of thought.

"Roy, you really look like hell."

"Yeah, I know. I can't sleep at night without him here."

"He'll only be gone a few more days," Havoc said understandably.

"Yes, but I just worry about him. I know Alphonse is a good man and a caring brother, but Edward has such a knack for finding trouble no matter his physical or mental state..."

"..But it's not all about worry, is it?"

"No." Roy sighed raggedly. "When I go home, he's not there to greet me. He doesn't blab about his musings and memories at dinner, and we can't spend an hour on a ten-minute conversation. And when you're used to someone next to you while you sleep-and suddenly they're not _there_-" Roy ran a hand through his hand for the umpteenth time that day.

"You just miss him."

"More than I ever thought I would. I wonder if he misses me this much," Roy laughed shakily.

"Aw, who wouldn't miss ya?" Havoc tried to cheer up Roy, but only received a halfhearted glare.

"How are the preparations?"

"Uh, right. I've ordered the big things like you asked."

"Breda?"

"Taking care of the food."

"Kain?"

"Setting up all of the wiring."

"Hawkeye?"

"Wisely supervising us all, sir." Havoc saluted Roy with a grin. "Tired or not, you still know what you're doing."

"Of course I do, I'm Colonel Mustang." Roy smiled jokingly as he shooed Havoc away to try and gather his thoughts and attune them to the _mountain_ of paperwork on his desk and not the young man that had become more important to him than Ishval.

_He won't be here for days yet, _he told himself. _It'll do no good to either of you to worry about him all that time. Just do your paperwork._

Roy slid the first text-drenched paper toward himself to read, but as his eyes scanned the words, he only saw Ed's relaxed smile as they lounged together.

_I am never going to make a __**dent**_ _in this pile..._

* * *

Lunch was fun and I feel considerably less tipsy now, but I'd still rather be snuggling with Roy than shopping with Al.

"I told you, it doesn't matter what clothes you get me. I can't see or feel them, just make them comfortable."

_But you don't have a specific style you like?_

"Blind, Al."

_I know how prideful you are_.

"Not anymore."

_You wouldn't mind looking like a slob?_

"Of course I would!"

_I'll just pick out something stylish and mature for you._

"Yeah, you do that."

I resist the urge to slip into the comfort of my imagination and instead focus on whatever energies I can pick up around me. There's a chaotic rainbow of subtle emotions around me, since we're in a store with other people.

_Brother?_

"Yeah, Al?"

_Are you unhappy with me?_

"What? Why would I be angry with you?"

_Not angry. Are you not happy to spend time with me?_

Is that the vibe I've been giving off lately? Oh, I hope not!

"Of course I am, Al! I just...I really _really_ miss Roy and I guess I'm being kind of mopey because of that...I'm sorry, I'll try to be more cheery."

_Don't apologize for missing him, brother. I'm just glad I know what's got you down._

"Yeah, laugh about it; I'm a lovesick puppy."

_Why would I laugh? I'm just glad you've found someone who makes you happy._

"Yeah...I guess I'm just so much of a dick that I expect the same from everyone else."

_Maybe_.

"Hey, you're not supposed to _agree_ with me!"

_But for once, you're not being disagreeable!_

"I will kick your ass later."

_After I make sure you're fed?_

"Okay, now _you're_ being a dick."

_Must be an Elric trait._

"Heaven forbid we ever have kids."

_Well, something tells me you won't._

"No? What-oh. Shut up, Al!"

He doesn't have to tell me he's laughing. I can feel it.

"Just get me my damn food will ya?"

_It's still cooking._

"It takes that long?"

_The potatoes do._

"Oh." I clasp my hands together and fiddle with the thumbs, despite not being able to feel it. "So...do you and Win plan on having any kids?"

I pick up on Al's surprise before I receive an answer.

_In the future. I want to marry first._

"Then what are you waiting for?!"

_I was holding out...in the hopes I could restore your senses first._

"Geez, Al! Don't wait on me, it's been two years already!" I grab for his hand and catch it on the first try. I squeeze it to let him know everything is fine. "I don't care if you find a cure, Al. I'm used to this, okay? And I'm happy despite it. Stop doting on me and live! Go get married! Just promise me I'll be invited to the wedding."

_Of course I would!_ Al tapped fervently. _You have to be my best man!_

My turn to laugh.

"Al, I can't see or hear the ceremony, I can't-"

_I don't care. My big brother will be my best man_.

"Al, are you sure there's nobody else-"

_You're perfect no matter what._

I can't help but smile and feel touched by his words.

"Yeah, I am, aren't I?"

_Don't let me inflate your ego, though._

"Oh shut up, Al." I smile, but it soon fades as my mind wanders back to the Rockbell residence. "...So is Granny doing any better?"

_Well, her immune system is still poor. She needed a foot amputation due to infection, and even Winry won't give her automail until the doctor gives her the all clear._

I sigh with an ache in my heart at the news. I know what it's like to be unable to get around on your own. I hope she at least has crutches to get around with.

Then again, I don't know if she even has the energy to do that. From what Al told me, she came down with a strange illness a month ago and her health and vitality had been stolen from her, leaving her needing the close care of a physician. She's incredibly susceptible to any viruses or bacteria, so she couldn't remain at home with her family.

I know what it's like to be quarantined, but at least I knew I would live. Granny...

She's fighting the best she can. She's still tough and thrives just on the few visits with her granddaughter that she's allowed.

I wrote her a letter earlier, to let her know how I'm doing. I didn't ask Al to transcribe for me, either; I sat down with the paper and pen, transmuted a frame so I wouldn't write on the desk, and carefully wrote out the message.

Alphonse commented that it was better than anything I wrote before, and that I should always have taken my time writing. Smartass.

_Brother?_

"Yeah?"

_I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you._

"What-what do you mean, Al?"

_You're crying._

"Oh. Sorry. I didn't notice."

_The potatoes are here. Want me to-_

"Cool them down?"

_And dry your eyes?_

"I can do that," I mutter shamefully as I wipe my eyes and cheeks with the non-casted hand. "Thanks."

A long silence passes between us as I halfheartedly eat my potatoes, imagining their flavor with onion and garlic so that I'll eat more. I am hungry, but my appetite has soured a bit.

_So, when is yours?_

"Huh? My what?"

_Your wedding_. I can just picture Al's smug grin.

"What, to Roy?!"

_No, to Den. Yes to Roy!_

"What-we can't get _married!_"

_Why not?_

"Men don't marry men!"

_It's not illegal._

"They just don't!"

_You love each other._

"Plenty of people are in love but they don't get married!"

_Is it because it's Roy Mustang?_

"Geez Al, no! I love him, he's the only one I'd do that with. But-I don't _have_ to be married to say I love him."

_I thought you might like to seal the deal, is all._

"I thought doing that with a kiss is enough."

_It is, Ed._

As silence returns, I dig into my food with a bit more zeal. I know I'm finished with my potatoes when no more appear in my throat despite me scraping the plate with my spoon.

"Done?"

_Yeah. Pudding?_

"Sure." I slide the plate away, keeping hold on the spoon in my hand. "...What flavor is it?"

_Vanilla_, he answers patiently. _They have chocolate if you'd rather-_

"I can't taste it, Al. But thank you."

The pudding arrives as he's taking the time to tap the Dorset, and I thank the waitress for the dessert.

"Awesome! I'm still a little bit hungry."

_Not munchies from your drinking?_

"I don't get munchies from that, Al." I stick my tongue out at him-at least I assume it worked-before I go to my puddin'.

First spoonful-nothing. Huh?

_You missed._

"_Oh shut up Al!_"


	60. Chapter 60

"I found another flaw in your plan," Ed commented on their walk back home; "you went shopping without your truck and now you have to carry everything back home."

Al reached over to tap a reply-

_It's only two bags._

"Yeah, and you're making me carry both of them!"

_One of them is your stuff._

"Yeah see I was thinking about that-"

"Uh oh," Al muttered-

"-and I want to know why you bought me more clothes. I'm not gonna be here long and I know Roy packed me enough clothing."

_I never had a chance to pick out your clothes_, Al explained simply. _It was always mom, then you, and now Roy. Why can't I have a chance?_

"Well...I guess I can't deny you that. Is there gonna be enough room in my suitcase when I go home?"

_Of course! I do know alchemy._

"Oh, er, r-right." Ed changed the subject to escape his blond moment; "So what style did you get me?"

_Oh, now you want to know after I buy them?_

"Yes, I do."

_Dressy casual. Comfortable, one with buttons, a plaid in cotton, and um, a leather jacket for winter. It gets colder in Central than here._

"Leather? Geez, I haven't worn that in years! Right? Have I?" Al sympathized with the poor man who looked confused because he honestly didn't know.

_No. But it seemed to fit you and be flexible._

"Trying to make me look sexy for Roy? _Irresistible?_" Ed grinned knowingly as Al sighed in disbelief.

_Says the man who spends his summertime in Roy's house shirtless._

"I do n-wait, _do_ I?" Ed's walking slowed as his gaze hardened in concentration. "Does he pretend to put a shirt on me?!"

Al couldn't help it-he burst out laughing, and it was then that Ed realized he was being screwed with again.

"Liar," Ed grumbled. "Laugh all you want, 'cause I can get away with being shirtless. I can get away with a lot because I can't hear people telling me no!"

_Actually, you kind of can_, Al reasoned. _You pick up on emotions so well that you may as well have hearing._

"Being awesome is a skill that few can master, but I've had a lot of practice."

_Is that the story you wanna stick with?_ Al tapped in reply while rolling his eyes.

"It's the only one that's true."

"Sure, brother."

* * *

I've been putting more effort into being sociable with my family, despite the ache in my chest every time I think of Roy. I don't tell Al and Winry that I'm missing him, but I'm sure they know.

It's funny, I miss Roy more than I missed Al when I was in Central. I wonder if that's normal?

Years ago, I would never have thought it possible to feel as dedicated to anyone like I did to my brother, but Roy has become so special to me.

A romantic relationship is a lot different than a familial one, right?

Hell, I miss him.

I'll be here for another day, but honestly, I'd rather go home _now_.

I know I'll miss Al-

But I need to be with Mustang again. This is _killing_ me.

..._ther?_

"Huh?"

_Brother?_

Oh, Al. Oops. I got lost in my thoughts again...

"Uh-huh, I'm listening."

_Are you sure?_

"Speak, smartass!"

_Love you too, Ed. Did you still want to visit the stable?_

"Hell yeah! Who knows when I'll get the chance to do this again."

Al leads me to his truck and helps me inside, because like an idiot, I miss the step up and slip and smack my face into the metallic exterior.

With only a slight bruise to my pride, I enjoy the mild bounce to his truck on the dirt roads toward town. This is something I've grown to enjoy-locomotion. The feel of something under me, carrying me. Rocking me; vibrating through my body. Whether roads or rails, I've admitted to Al that I've gotten fond of it.

He indulges me today as we travel to the opposite end of Risembool to visit a farm on the town outskirts. They raise mostly horses and have a stable there and that's where I'm headed.

I'm gonna ride one.

It's the dumbest thing ever. I must have been voicing memories again; I was reminiscing of a time gone by of our epic travels. In one town we had gone to a fair and seen a petting zoo-Al had _begged_ me to go in, and once I caved despite my claims of it being a childish waste of time, I realized I had wanted to go too.

Not that I ever told him that.

He tapped Dorset to me, waking me in the middle of my memory, to ask about a petting zoo.

"What petting zoo?" I had asked;

_I don't know. You're the one who mentioned it,_ was his reply.

"It was a nice distraction," I admitted, "even if you never got to go for a pony ride."

_Because I was too big!_ I felt his jovial laughter. _I can do it now though._

"You ride ponies?" I asked humorously, to which I didn't expect his reply-

_No, but there's a riding stable across town. Go with me?_

For some reason, after only a moment of hesitation, I agreed. I suppose I felt pride at being the older brother to take Al horseback riding, finally granting his little boy wish of pony rides.

Honestly, though, I'm eager to ride a horse myself. I'm not sure how I'll be able to control the beast, or if someone will lead my horse by the reins for a controlled ride-

But I'm still _excited_.

My curious mind asks _why_ and tries to rationalize the eagerness.

Because I wanted to those years ago and didn't realize it?

Because it's something _new_ that I can do despite my disability?

Maybe it's a tie-in with my lust for locomotion and I want to feel a horse under me; some new motion for my limited senses to feel.

Oh hell, I hope I don't fall off.

Al might have to alchemize me into my seat-er, saddle.

I wonder if the horses will like me?

Since when do I care if animals like me?!

Well, according to Roy, that one wolf _did_ kinda save my life.

I feel a pull forward on my entire body and the faint vibration beneath me halts. We've stopped.

"Are we here?!"

_It's rare to hear you so excited, _Al answers.

"Oh sh-shut up! I am not!"

_If you say so, Ed._ He diffuses my embarrassment with affirmation. _Come out, we're here._

I find the door handle rather easily and mentally applaud my awesomeness, then slide out and land gracefully on my feet. Al's hand arrives just before his energy signature and he leads me a short ways to...I don't know, registration?

Without warning something nudges at my head, pushing it backward gently. I manage to keep my balance and my wits as I tentatively reach up in question, only to have my hand gently nudged as well.

"Uhm, hello?"

The nudging is at my head again, but before I can speak or protest there's Dorset at my back-

_It's a horse_, Al explains. _I think he likes you._

"He does? You think so?" I reach up with my left hand and, as gently as I can manage, find the horse's face and begin to stroke it. "Can I ride this one?"

_I'll have to ask._

"What's his name?"

No Dorset arrives this time, leaving me to assume I'm being supervised only by the horse.

"You'll tell me your name, won't you?" I speak softly, receiving a gentle nudge in reply. "I'm Ed."

The horse must take a step forward, because his head slips out of my hand. I reach out and feel the large animal still next to me, his muscles quivering under my touch to vibrate my arm.

I never knew horses were so fascinating.

"I bet your name is Freedom," I suddenly wonder aloud, "because you get to run free whenever you want. Don't you?" I smile and pat his back gently. "I wish I could do that."

Another silent stretch passes as I pet the horse. Dorset finally returns to inform me that I may ride this horse.

"All right!" I cheer. "What's his name?"

_Freedom_.

"Sorry, what?"

He can't have said that right.

_Freedom_.

"Oh," I say weakly. "That's...I wonder..."

_Ed?_

"Well who names a horse _Freedom?_" I blurt defensively. Al doesn't have to know that I figured out the name-_somehow_.

I feel Al smile as he explains the procedure to me.

They're fitting Freedom with a saddle and then they'll help me mount him. Freedom is supposedly one of the most patient horses they have, which I'm glad for. Once I'm on the horse, he'll be led around by a handler so I can get a feel for riding, and if I like it, we can go a little faster with Freedom following Al riding his horse.

"Okay. Sounds good. What's your horse's name?"

_Alchemy_.

I feel my breath hitch as I snort in sudden laughter.

"_Really?!_"

_Yes. The irony is tangible isn't it?_

"Yeah it is!" I shake my head in disbelief as my laughter dies down.

_Ready to mount your mustang?_

You said _what_ about Roy?!

Oh, wait. Al must mean the horse.

I don't think I said that aloud-I'll just pretend that I didn't.

"Yeah. Do you really think I need help? I'm just hopping up to horseback right?"

_It's high._

"I'm taller now."

_Never tall enough, brother._

"Shut up, Al!"

_Here's the saddle horn._

"Saddle what?"

_Handle_, he explains to me. _Grab hold and we'll lift._

"You really think I can't do this myself? This is kinda embarrassing."

_It might be more so if you try._

"Well can I?!"

_I don't think Freedom would mind_.

"Funny," I grumble, grasping the _handle_ to mount up. I kick futilely with my feet in a poor attempt to find the stirrup before my foot catches it-though I suspect Al guided it to my foot-before shoving off to lift myself.

Holy hell, this beast _is_ high! He's much taller than I anticipated, and the sudden movement sends a sharp pain through my recovering rib, leaving me keeled over the saddle and wheezing as the pain passes.

_Brother?_

"Rib," I mutter, but don't move for fear of falling off the horse.

_Need help?_

"Uh..." I still have hold on the handle with my left hand, but my right is only resting on the horse and my legs and head are dangling freely on opposite sides of him. "...Yeah."

Alphonse, and I think someone else as well, shift me to face to my left and seat me to straddle Freedom's back. My legs are adjusted ever so slightly; when I move them moments later, I feel a light resistance. Stirrups.

I reach forward with my left hand and find his neck. Feeling the large animal, I gently traverse him, forming a shape in my mind. I imagine he's brown, with a dark brunette mane that's been trimmed neatly.

He leans into my touch, reassuring me of his gentleness with a calm I can sense. I lean forward a bit and give a little scratch behind his ears, because Den always loved that-but Freedom makes no motion, sends no feelings. Instead, I feel a strange energy localised in my hand. I can almost feel my fingers individually, something I haven't had since I lost my senses.

"Al?"

_Yes brother?_

"What-" I pause as the feeling disappears. I try to find it again, but there's no strange energy to be found, and I wonder if I imagined it. "...are the um, commands, to make him go?"

_We're going to lead you first to see how you like riding._

"That seems fair, I guess." I settle in the saddle and give Freedom a light pat on the neck.

Maybe that weird feeling was imaginary. It sure was neat though!

I feel the faintest hint of humor before the surface under me suddenly shifts. I grab onto Freedom's saddle-horn and his mane, my heart pounding as my seat shifts to the other side-

The horse is walking.

It's definitely a new type of locomotion! My lack of other senses is thrown over my shoulder as my proprioception feels me kicked and bucked from side to side, my arms tense to keep me clinging dearly to the animal whilst my stirruped feet squeeze against Freedom's large ribs, and probably painfully.

"I'm-I'm not-hurting him am I? This uh, it's a pretty bumpy ride..."

Another faint feeling of humor, as well as a negation that I think must be to my answer. It's pretty strong, but I don't think it's from-

Al types a _no_ to me and confirms my suspicions.

Maybe it's Freedom's handler.

"Am I doing okay?"

_Yes_.

"Can I um-" I inhale shakily as I muster up the nerve- "Can I try to steer?"

_Can you?_ Al replies, and I sigh.

"Al, he's not a car. I doubt he'll walk into a wall because I point him that way. Horses are smarter than cars."

_That's what brains are for_.

"Al gimme the reins and lemme steer."

I feel hesitation-unmistakably from Al-before my left hand is lifted from the saddle horn and a nearly nonexistent weight placed in them. The reins.

I'm in control now.

You only think you are!

Hey! I'm the one with-

I freeze in realization that I'm not arguing with myself.

I'm not vocalizing anything, yet another person is managing to shoot back at me with an energetic reply so loud that I can read it as words.

Is Mrs. Pritchard here?

I pause and wait for more input, more reply- but none comes. Al's probably watching me sit here too, like an idiot. I gently urge Freedom forward, wrapping my right wrist in the reins so I can grasp the saddle horn with my _operational_ hand.

The start forward is a bit more sudden than when I was being led, but I'm able to keep my balance and my grasp. I also mentally applaud myself for not yanking on the reins and possibly choking the poor animal.

I can pick up on Al's nervousness; he's practically overflowing with it.

"I'm fine Al," I call lazily, willing a grin for him. "When are you gonna get on Alchemy and join us? I bet Freedom could whup you in a race!"

Oh yeah!

Whoa whoa, there's that energy again. It's not Al, I know it isn't.

It's not the _horse_, is it?

Horses can't understand human speech can-wait, I'm not _talking!_

Ed, stop being stupid. It's probably just an overexcited kid who's here to ride too, or an eager handler.

I feel the humor again, and I brush it off as belonging to some kid nearby.

"Al, Alchemy? You guys ready?"

We're getting him saddled up, Al replies to-my lower back?

"Why ya way down there?"

_Ed, you're on a horse. They're not small animals._

"I thought you were taller though," I grumble in an attempt to sound less dumb. "Hurry up, I wanna feel Freedom run."

Okay.

Without warning, the surface beneath me bolts forward, nearly rolling me backward out of the saddle. My only saving grace is my rein-wrapped wrist, which I'd forgotten about but receive a nasty reminder as my body weight rips against my still-broken hand.

I feel my lungs empty in a yowl of pain as the damn horse continues his charge. The pain worsens as I don't yet have a hold on anything but the reins-

"Slow _down_ for a minute!"

And he obeys, but I can't focus on the fact that he _listened_ to my command, because he's still moving and I'm still struggling to get a grasp on the saddle-horn and relieve the immense _strain_ on my broken hand.

As soon as I get a good grasp and lean forward, we surge in speed again-we're running once more.

I'm surprised at how much easier it is to keep my balance when we're moving faster, unless I've just released my body to autopilot. That could very well be, as my breathing is heavy and erratic and I just know I'm crying from the shock that my hand just went through.

You okay?

"My hand, my hand is bro-" I'm answering the voice. But where is it coming from? How is anyone communicating with me with these strong emotions? "Who-who is that?"

My reply is a wave of empathy as the ride gradually slows and we stop.

"Freedom?"

Yup!

"Why did we-wait, YOU'RE the one talking to me?!"

Yep!

"But you're a horse! Horses can't-I mean-_can_ they?"

Nope.

"Then how are you?!"

Humor. There's no answer to this question, only humor. I guess since Freedom isn't actually using words to speak to me, it wouldn't be easy to explain something...

"Are-are you a horse?"

Nope.

"But-Al wouldn't put me on you if-do you look like a horse?"

Ee-yup.

"Are you a chimera?!"

Nope.

I relax and lean forward, draping my frazzled body over Freedom's neck.

"Then what _are_ you?"

I naturally receive no answer, but I thank Freedom for the silence and peace by rubbing his neck as I calm and relax.

Only after I feel rested, do I consider riding back to the stable. But then, the mystery would still remain-Freedom looks like a horse but isn't, and can communicate with people.

I can't go back yet! I'm a scientist, I gotta _know!_

"Hey Freedom can I get off for a bit? I keep feeling like I'm gonna fall off and I don't wanna focus on that and talking at the same time..."

Sure.

I feel a very slow forward movement, and then the back follows. He laid down so I could dismount easily. My feet touching the ground again, I release the reins, stand, and try to walk away-but my face lands in the...dirt? Grass?

Freedom, that horse's ass, is laughing!

"What did I-was that the stirrups?!"

Yes! That was hilarious! I'm sorry.

"You are not," I grumble as I sit up.

I really am. And you know because you can read these energies. I don't like seeing anyone in pain. Especially those who are always hurt.

"Always hurt? Only my hand hurts."

No, he answers again, and I have to try to re-interpret what he meant to say with those feelings.

"Do you mean...because I can't see or hear?"

Yes.

"Oh. My uh, handicaps."

Yes.

"Well, it's not something that alchemy can heal, unfortunately. I'd need a miracle to fix this."

Yes.

"Magic," I chuckle.

Exactly!

"You wouldn't happen to have any magic on ya, would ya?" I ask scornfully.

Yes. Don't make fun.

"Wait, you can't. I don't believe in it."

I feel something push my head back a bit, and quick exploration reveals it to be Freedom's forehead pressing against mine. I feel-something that shouldn't be possible for my lack of touch-a warmth and tingle where our skin touches before I'm blasted with mental imagery.

I see a picture of Freedom. He's all white, but his coat-I know he's showing this only to me-has a glimmering golden sheen. On his forehead, where I feel our connection, is a brilliant shining golden iridescence. It's shining like...it could almost pass for a horn.

He's a unicorn?

That would make sense-paintings of angels are imagined with halos, though the halos are merely the light of an aura. Therefore, unicorns don't really have horns.

Holy hell, unicorns are real?

Yes, we are.

The image Freedom is passing me is more than a mere memory. He trots up to me to speak with me, and the energies are so much easier to read now, as if there _were_ words.

We are humble and helpful, and yes, we are plentiful. My parents reside East, and my son will stay with me at my home.

I'm replying to him with awe and understanding, and I think I congratulate him on his son. But everything I communicate is subconscious, without willingly thinking it. He's not just transmitting into my mind, he's reading it.

Yes, I am, he confirms.

I'm telling you because I trust you. You have a very open mind-very good heart-you have the heart of a unicorn. I want to try to help you.

He shows me again the glimmering light from his forehead as he bows his head to mine. The light shines brighter and brighter until I see no more magical equine, only the endless white abyss that has become my sight-but man, do I _feel_ that energy.

It radiates from my forehead, where I begin to feel again. As it travels down toward my neck, I feel Freedom's hair against my skin-I _feel_ the warmth of the sun.

My sense of touch is reawakening for the first time in two years, and I can't believe it's possible-but with witches and unicorns revealing themselves in my life, I wonder just how magical the world really is.


	61. Chapter 61

When I first had the thought to include a unicorn, I laughed at myself. Then I thought-well, Amestris has weirder. Why not?

_To Secret Companion_: Glad you like the inclusion of magic-though honestly, there's always magic in a story. The characters just have to clue into it being there. ;)

* * *

A gentle breeze passes-I know because I _feel_ the air hit my skin; the teasing tickle of my hair brush against my neck.

I can't believe that I'm feeling again after so long. I never thought I'd be gifted the pleasure of touch or any other sense, and it's fascinating me.

I feel everything. The ground under my legs. The stray leaf as it hits my arm before traveling on. The subtle contours of Freedom's face. My own _skin_. And I can't help it-I reach behind me and feel...my hair is still long. Roy and Al have kept me, _me_, for all this time, even when I had to relearn how to be Edward Elric.

I feel a burn in my eyes, and when I reach to touch them-my fingers brush against the eyelashes and the tears threatening to spill over them.

I'm crying from gratitude. From the care of those who love me, and Freedom for showing me these beautiful things after so long.

With the return of my sense of touch so marvelously, I can almost imagine hearing again. Hell, I even heard a faint bird chirping, to go along with the southern autumn surrounding us.

No, wait, that-I don't think I imagined that.

I hear only very faintly-birds, an end-of-season cricket, and-

Oh, wow, I can hear my own voice now. And it's no mystery what I want to hear.

I call out softly to the man I'd fallen in love with, shocking myself with the raw affection that can be given to just a name. I call gently once more before interrupted, I think, by another voice.

There it is again-very faint. It's Alphonse!

I hear his call for _Brother_ one more time before Freedom begins to pull away.

I'm sorry, he says to me before our mental merge disconnects; it won't last.

"Edward! There you are," Al says to me-and I can hear him, his voice sounds just as before, and I can feel my tears pouring out in gratitude- "I've been searching for you. I wonder if you fell off..."

"No," I answer with a gasp, ingraining his voice into memory even as it begins to gain an ethereal echo to it. "I didn't. I love you, Alphonse. I love you, little brother."

"I love how you do that," Alphonse chuckles, lifting my heart. I can barely hear him-my world is nearly back to its peaceful silence. Before I lose everything, I stand, find him by his energy and faint voice-and reach for his hand. "Ed?"

As soon as he gives it to me I follow it upward, finding his face. My sense of touch is still strong, though it has just begun to fade with the sound.

I hear Al speak again in a questioning tone, but I can't make it out. It's too far gone.

"Indulge me," I sniffle, studying his face with my hands-tracing the features that I haven't seen since his malnourished state in the gate.

He's strong. He's full and healthy again, just as he's made sure that I am.

"Thank you," I cry as my senses completely return to the lacking that they were before; "thank you."

_Ed?_

The Dorset has returned, but I simply hug Alphonse, thankful both to him for being my caring brother and to Freedom for allowing me this opportunity. He'll never know just how much it means to me.

Yes I will.

I laugh when I remember that _unicorns_ can read emotions just as well as I can.

"Sorry, Al. Don't mind me. I'm-I'm just being sen-sentimental."

_It's no problem brother._

"Did you want to go back to the stable?"

_You want to ride?_

"Of course. Freedom is the best, uh, horse around."

_So you didn't fall off?_

"I heard you the first time, Al," I reply and really _mean_ it. "He must've gotten spooked by something back there, we ran, and then we talked for a while."

I feel humor from Al and slight disagreement from Freedom, as if he'd never allow himself to be spooked.

"I'm ready now. Where's Freedom?"

_He just laid down_, Al replies. _Maybe he's tired_...

I walk over to him with Al's guidance, petting his neck as I silently ask him if he's tired-no; if he needs to rest-no; if he laid down for me-yes.

We're getting better at this!

I slide into the saddle gently as I thank Freedom, allowing Al to fit my feet into the accursed stirrups.

I feel Freedom's anticipation before Al's.

"Ready!"

With a sturdy grasp and trust in the intelligent creature beneath me, Freedom rises to his hooves and turns, bolting off toward the stable while I ride along like a pro.

"Race ya Al!" I cackle into the wind, grinning like a fiend as Al's panicked energy trails into nonexistence behind me.

* * *

"Come on Al, you don't believe me?"

"No, Ed, I don't." Al tapped his reply to Ed. _Unicorns aren't real._

"I didn't imagine what happened today."

_Horses don't talk._

"He's not a horse. He's a unicorn."

_Unicorn..s...I didn't hear him talk._

"Well they don't talk out loud, Al. Their vocal cords are different. That would just be stupid."

Al sighed and shook his head.

_I'm glad you enjoyed yourself today, Brother._

"I did. I met a unicorn and he healed me."

_You still look blind and deaf to me_, Al replied a bit cruelly.

"I am," Ed replied with a snort. "But for a few minutes, he gave me hearing and touch."

_That's not possible, Ed._

"Then how was I able to hear you calling my name when you found me? And then you asked if I fell off the horse!"

_I thought you said he wasn't a horse_.

"_Alphonse!_"

* * *

I never could convince Al that Freedom is a unicorn. He doesn't believe my tale of sensory restoration and subsequential loss.

I don't mind, though. I got to _see_ Al for the first time since I lost my eyes. It was the best gift I could get, from any manner of creature.

Even if Al doesn't know because he won't believe me.

Heehee.

I lean back in my recliner as Winry checks over my leg really well. She's trying to use Dorset on my thigh, but I can't feel it all that well and she's confusing some letters with others.

"No, Win, I can't understand that. Try using your emotions, maybe I can pick up on those. What are you wanting?"

I clear my mind and await any hint of projected emotion, and I pick up on...a hint of sadness.

"Are you sad?"

_M...i...n...d...a._

"Minda?"

She grabs my hand and draws a big letter in the air-it takes three times for me to decipher it.

"K? Oh, kinda!"

I pick up on her saying _Yes!_ And chuckling.

"Why? You gonna miss me?"

The faint jostling of my leg pauses as she moves to nod my head.

"You can come visit you know," I remind her; "and I can come visit you too! And Freedom, I gotta visit him. I wonder if he can work repeat miracles..."

Confusion. Oh, yeah! I didn't tell her, did I? I thought Al would.

"Freedom is the unicorn I met. Didn't Al tell you? Unicorns look just like horses, except they're as smart as us and psychically developed, more than even me. And they have the power to heal-" I feel her laughing but I continue anyway- "and I got my senses of touch and sound back just for a few minutes; it was amazing Win."

_And you believe in that?_ I can just feel her asking.

"You don't? After how I've recovered and made up for my senses with intuition?"

Still, obvious skepticism.

"I bet Al didn't tell you about Mrs. Pritchard, either."

_No_.

"Next time you talk to her, ask her what she knows about witches. Tell her I asked."

More confusion. I wish this girl knew Dorset.

"I just wish you guys would believe me. I'm not makin' this up."

Disbelief.

"I mean before today I wouldn't have believed in unicorns either but-" I'm silenced by sudden pain in my thigh as Winry tweaks something in my leg that nearly shorts out a nerve. In reflex I form tight fists and resist the urge to cry out, though I feel something slip out as vibration in my throat.

"S-sorry," I gasp. "But you really hit... something..." I trail off as I feel a lack of pain in a place where there should be. I squeeze my hands as tightly as it takes before I feel the slight pain in them; but my casted right hand-which should be borderline excruciating-only matches the dulled pain of my left.

"Winry," I gasp; "Winry! My hand-it's fixed!"

_Huh?_

"It doesn't hurt!" To prove my point, I bring it up and slam it _painlessly_ on my automail knee. "It's healed!"

I usually sense this shocked amazement when I interpret people really accurately, only it's stronger this time. I feel an upward yank on my arm as she inspects the hand, and I suspect that she's testing its flexibility.

"I wonder if what Freedom did to me-" oh shit, my rib! Is that healed too? I take my free hand and push on the tender area, only to find it just as strong as the rest of my ribs. "He healed my rib too!"

_Who?_ Winry takes the time to use Dorset and I have to laugh.

"The _unicorn!_" I giggle stupidly and clap my hands together. "This doesn't hurt! Hey call Al and tell him I'm healed!"

Or high.

Wait, they didn't slip me any pain meds, did they? That could mask any pain I'm having. And I am acting kind of silly.

Because I'm _happy_ due to _no pain!_

Which could be a result of pain meds, Edward.

"Alphoooonse! Little brother!" I only have to call once before I feel his energy signature arrive on the other side of the house and rush toward us. Before he has a chance to use Dorset, I speak out, perhaps a bit forcefully. "Did you slip me any pain meds?!"

_N...no, Ed. Why would you ask that?_

"My bones," I reply, clapping my hands together and transmuting the cast off. "My hand and my rib don't hurt anymore."

_Ed!_ Al's startled Dorset is accompanied by a tangible level of shock.

"Al it doesn't hurt. Look!" I flex my hand, form a fist, and punch myself right where my broken rib _was_-and no pain, but Al grabs my wrist anyway to stop me. "Al I'm fine! It must have been Freedom's healing that did it!"

_The unicorn again?_ Al asks, and his wording combines with the disapproval emanating from his energy.

"Al, I'm not making that up! My hand and rib _were_ broken-now they're not-you can't _make_ that up!"

_You're right. I can't explain this. But unicorns aren't real._

"Apparently, neither is trust in your brother," I huff as I tear my hand away from Al. "Forget I said anything-I won't mention _mythology_ again."

_Ed_-

I brush off his Dorset-directing hand, crossing my arms over my chest. "It's fine, Al."

He tries again, higher on my chest, but I push his hand away again-

"Just forget it, Alphonse!"

I feel shock from both Al and Winry before Al's chi slowly fades away from the room. I give the slightest wiggle of my leg to remind Winry to finish the damn thing. She takes the hint, but I can feel the negative vibes reverberating through the room.

It's not _my_ fault. My own brother won't believe me! And just because, what, it's something he's never seen before? Because it's something he can't prove?

Because I can't _prove_ that I had my senses for a short time?

He should believe me. I'm not making this up, I'm not fabricating something artificial with my imprisoned mind.

I thought Al would always believe me, no matter what.

Even when it comes to unicorns.

I take a deep breath, but it's a bit labored. I feel an energy shift in the room from Winry, and my reflexive sniffle explains it.

I'm crying again.

* * *

"Alphonse, can't you just pretend to believe him until he leaves?" Winry asked hopefully, watching Ed as he took a late-evening walk out the front door and carefully down the stairs.

"I wish I could, but he'd know I was lying. You just can't lie to Ed anymore. Even if it is to help him."

"Then don't lie. Believe him. So it's a unicorn, is that the strangest thing you boys have ever come across? And his hand and rib _are_ inexplicably healed. I took x-rays just to be sure."

"But..." Al floundered with a whine. "Winry, unicorns aren't real!"

"Well neither are dragons Alphonse, but you told me what Envy was! And how about werewolves?! We didn't imagine them in Milos!"

"Envy was made by alchemy and so were the wolf chimeras. But horses that are as smart as us-with magic powers-!"

"Al, your _brother_ almost has magic powers. So another creature besides a human is smart. Is it the hardest thing ever to believe?"

"Smart and able to restore senses, even if temporarily, that I couldn't with alchemy or with the stone?"

"Roy's sight was restored with the stone, but Ed's couldn't be. Maybe the unicorn's ability reaches a bit further and deeper than alchemy."

"But..." Al trailed off, watching out the open door as Ed counted steps in the yard almost meditatively, completely at ease and oblivious to the blazing sunset on the horizon. "...I guess. There are too many reasons that he's right..."

"And that you're wrong?" Winry smiled knowingly. "Go tell him you believe him."

"...All right." Al headed out the door, stopping on the porch as Ed paused and sat down on the grass.

"Well, ya comin' over or not?" Ed called, crossing his arms. "Sometime tonight Al, before the sun goes all the way down. It's starting to get cool out."

"Every time," Al commented with a smile. In moments he was sitting beside Ed in the diminishing light. "Why are you outside today?"

"Inquisition," Ed commented. "I can tell you asked me something, but I don't know what."

_I asked what made you come outside_.

"Well, I can't feel it or smell it, but fresh air is good for the lungs. And the body. I guess." He smiled lazily, leaning back on his hands.

_How are you feeling, brother?_

"You know, it's the dumbest thing. The more time I spend trapped inside my mind, the more I realize that the mind is all that matters. We create our world with it."

"Ed?"

"I can't feel a thing. My feet, even if I were barefoot, wouldn't be able to tell the difference between wood and rug or grass and dirt. I can't see a ceiling or a starry sky above me. But just by _knowing_ that I'm outside, I feel so damn relaxed and at peace. And I can't see the house I'm near-but I know it's the Rockbell home-and I get so much nostalgia." Ed sniffled a few times before thinking to wipe away the few tears that had moistened his eyes. He spoke again as Al maintained silence and neutrality of emotions, curious to see where Ed would take this.

"If you only knew how often someone gave me a clue of what was going on-what they're eating, what they see, what they think about the weather-and how that one little clue can change my whole world. They could tell me they're eating spaghetti and actually be eating broccoli, but I'll smell the garlic and oregano and tomato, I'll taste the grated cheese on the sauce and the soft pasta, and it's just-it's delicious, it's food for my soul, y'know? And...I just..." He trailed off as he reached down and ran his hand through the grass in peaceful contemplation. "We make our own world, just with our mind. Optimism, pessimism, we shape everything, all the time. And maybe it's wrong, but I think my world has been made better by losing my senses and finding my mind; because with it I've been able to finally lose my mind and come to my senses." He chuckled in spite of himself as he felt Al's surprise. "I've lost my mind, Al, but that's a good thing. I finally see sense in so much. In not fretting over the dumbest things, in not being unhappy for no reason. I'm happy, Al. I've had moments of happiness before, when we were younger; days of smiles. But it never lasted forever. I _wasn't_ happy, I just _possessed_ happy. But now I have it all the time, despite what I don't have."

Al remained silent for a short time before reaching over to his relaxed brother-

_Even happy when I don't believe you?_

Ed never removed his sightless gaze from the fading embers of the horizon as he spoke. "I always have that feeling of peace and love in me. Sometimes things happen that upset me, but it never makes me lose faith in what matters. Like my little brother."

"I'm sorry, Ed," Al sighed. _I shouldn't have doubted you, whether there was proof or not. You never lose faith in me, and right away, I doubt_-

"Oh don't _worry_ about it, Al! We're human! Not to mention, we're scientists. It's kinda what we do." Ed smiled and turned his gaze to Al, who swore he saw Ed's eyes flash with the reflection of the sunset that had faded some time ago.

"...Yeah. You're right, Ed. You always are."

"I know I am," Ed replied with a sneaky grin.

"You are _always_ doing that, Ed!" Al laughed and stood, pulling Ed to his feet. Feeling rejuvenated and eager, Al asked Ed if he'd like to spar.

"Oh, tonight?" Ed shifted his weight a few times before shrugging. "Only for a short while, Al. Sorry, I'm pretty tired."

_It has been a long day. Do you just want to go to bed?_

"I said I'll spar, didn't I?" Ed grinned and gave Al a playful shove, backing up to get into his fighting stance-but went down as his heel caught uneven ground. Without missing a beat, he kept the momentum, nailed a backwards flip, and uprighted himself into his fighting stance in one fluid move-before he lost it due to laughter.

"Did you _see_ that Al? Did it look as cool as it felt?!"

"Way cooler!" Al agreed, able to see that Ed picked up on his affirmation. "Ready to go?"

"Just a second," Ed managed through his dying laughter. "Ahhhh okay. Let's go."

The two leapt into battle, Ed daring to take the first strike. Despite what he'd said about being tired, Ed not only kept up with Al, but royally whipped his ass.


	62. Chapter 62

_To Lily D. Cave_-Yep! Ruby's father is Ishvalan :) good catch!

This stuff takes a million times longer to write than it does to read. Especially when you have a life.

* * *

_You're not sad about leaving today?_

"Of course I'm sad!" Ed said with a grin. "But you know I can't wait for what's at home!"

_Your loverboy?_

"He is not my-we don't-Al don't be a dick! That's _my_ job!"

_Yes, yes it is_, Al replied with a giggle as Ed swiped at him. He 'spoke' again as they settled down. _Are you sure you don't want to walk?_

"Are you trying to save gas in your truck, Al? Come on! The train station isn't the shortest distance, and you know I like to feel it traveling under me."

"You really should tell Roy that you like things under you," Al muttered suggestively.

_No, brother. You just seem full of energy._

"Well I am-I'm excited-I'm going _home!_ To Roy! I miss him," Ed added with a whine.

To see his brother so mopey over Mustang still amused Alphonse, due to the mens' past together before the Promised Day. He put his free arm out and pulled Ed into a sideways hug, nearly knocking over the unguarded man.

"Ah-Al! Gonna make me fall over!"

_You'll miss us too, won't you?_

"You even _have_ to ask? Of course I will! You'd better come visit. And make sure Winry learns Dorset!"

"Of course, brother." Al tossed Ed's luggage into his truck before meeting Ed on the passenger side to help him in, despite Ed trying his damnedest to find the door handle himself-and then another failed attempt to climb into his seat.

"I'm not doing my reputation any favor today, am I?" He muttered, folding his hands on top of his head so Al could buckle him in.

_We all have our off days_, Al tapped in reply. _You're just preoccupied thinking of Mustang._

"Yeah, I guess I am," Ed muttered with a blush. "I can't help it. It's crazy how much I miss him. I miss his hugs and his snugs, and-" he paused as he felt a _wave_ of humor as Al burst out laughing. "What are you laughing at?!"

_Hugs and_\- Al had to pause to _try_ to compose himself. _Snugs?!_

"Snuggles, Al! Oh go to hell!"

"What did I miss? What are you laughing at, Alphonse?" Winry asked as she walked up, just catching sight of the miffed Edward.

"Just ah, just Ed missing his man," Al managed through dying laughter. "I have everything right?"

"Yeah. You can handle his extra stuff?"

"It's just a few pounds more for his new clothes. I'm an Elric, I can handle a heavy suitcase and my little brother at the same time."

"Don't let him find out you called him the little-"

"I felt that!" Ed leaned out the door and swiftly swung a weak but well-aimed punch and got Al right in the temple. 'I love you _little_ brother but _don't_ call me short!"

"I didn't," Al whined, rubbing his head gingerly.

"I'm with Ed on this," Winry said with a grin. "You're as bad as he is and you earned it."

"Are we gonna go now? We're not gonna miss the train right?"

"No, we have-"

"My first train ride outta here really sucked," Ed blabbed; "just getting me _on_ it was a bitch because I kept having those stupid panic attacks!"

"Ed?"

"I was worried that people were watching me and seeing how far I'd fallen from my former grace-" he snorted at himself- "but that was dumb anyway because who cares what they see? I'm managing the best I can for what I've not got, I'm awesome, I rock this disability!"

Just after his statement, to which his family was momentarily stunned by his awesome lack of humility, Ed yanked the door shut-right on his flesh leg. He paused, reached down as he felt a twinge of pain in his leg, and frowned.

"What was that?"

Al and Winry both shared in the monster facepalm.

"Nothing at all, Mister Awesome. Let's go catch that train."

* * *

"Do you feel that? Al?"

"Yes, Ed. I feel it."

"Al? Al, do you feel the train?"

"Yes, I do. Aren't you picking up on me?"

"Al? Hey, I know you're there."

_I feel it, Ed. Can't you pick up on what I'm saying?_

"Huh? No. I wonder-oh, maybe it's because I'm focusing on the train. Sorry, Al."

_It's fine. I was just being lazy with Dorset._

"It can get tedious, can't it? I try to pick up on emotions and just know things, but it doesn't always work." Ed's silence following his statement made Al think that he had disappeared back to his mind...until he spoke again. "Does talking to me ever...become a bother to you?"

"_What?!_" Even Ed could feel Al's shock. "No! I-" _Never, brother!_

"Okay! S-sorry Al, just, I know it can be a bother in general, even for me!"

_I'd do anything for you, Ed. I'd learn Dorset every day if that's what it took, I'd translate entire books into Dorset if you asked. I love you, brother._

"I-I know you do!" Ed blushed from the flood of attention. "I know you'd do all that for me...if I could, I would do that and more for you too. I just didn't know if sometimes it got annoying, even just a little bit."

"No, not at all." _I'm allowed to be a little lazy sometimes right?_

"Don't you mean all the time? That's why I can beat your sorry ass every time we spar!" Ed cackled as Al punched him in the ribs _just_ hard enough to be felt.

"Next time we spar, I'm gonna win. Just to spite your overconfidence!" Al grinned and leaned back in his seat, handing a bottle of water with a straw to Ed as their drinks arrived.

"What's this?"

_Water. Drink up!_

"So I'll have to dick around in the train bathroom later?"

_We'll be on the train all day. You may as well stay hydrated._

Ed released an exasperated sigh before appeasing his brother. "_Fiiiiiine_."

"Oh! Speaking of..."

_Now that you mentioned it_, Al tapped; _I actually have to go. Be back in a few._

" 'Kay," Ed answered, waiting until Al's chi had disappeared from his radar. He flagged down an attendant by using his trademark charm-aka calling out like an obnoxious brat.

He didn't exactly feel the arrival of the attendant, but he could pick up on the curious and expectant patrons around him. He held up his water bottle to the person in the aisle.

"Hi, yeah, I didn't get the drink I ordered. This is supposed to be filled with straight vodka. Make that happen, will you? And hand it to me when you're done. Shove it right in my hands. I'd rather not work for someone else's mistake."

Ed knew that he was being a royal dick, but it had been so long since he could pull off something like this, not to mention he was seeing how well he could keep up appearances-and to see what he could slip by Al!

He snickered in spite of himself, surprised but pleased when the weight appeared in his hands only moments later-he'd have to commend them on their service time. When he found the straw he sucked in a gulp, coughing immediately in reaction to the caustic burn in his throat.

He _did_ ask for vodka.

"Sir? Sir are you alright?" The attendant asked worriedly.

"This-this is Drachman vodka isn't it?" Ed wheezed. "Good stuff! Good job, thank you."

"If you're sure," she replied. "Thank you. If you need anything else, just ask." She watched him obliviously ignore her before she left with a sigh.

Alphonse returned just as Ed took another sip of his drink, thinking nothing of the slight flush to his older brother's face. He sat down and relaxed, pulling out a book from his bag to read.

"Welcome back little bro," Ed greeted peacefully before Al could lose himself in the bound text. In response Al reached over with one hand as he opened the book to its saved page with his other.

_Thank you. Feeling well?_

"Of course. I'm great! I'm on the train with my little bro, and I'm going home to Mustang." Ed paused thoughtfully. "He does know we're on our way, right?"

_Yeah. I called and told him._

"I thought it was awfully long for a bathroom trip."

_Keeping tabs on me, are ya?_

"Of course. Someone's gotta keep you out of trouble."

_And who will keep you out of trouble?_

"Pff, Al, I'm blind and deaf! How much trouble can I get into?"

"Oh, Ed." Al shook his head hopelessly. _That only adds to your mischievous repertoire._

"Guilty," Ed grinned as he took another sip. He leaned back with Al as the alcohol rapidly warmed him and fuzzed and buzzed his mind, sinking him further from reality into a trance of the rolling rails below him.

After a while, Al glanced over to see Ed looking a bit sleepy and red in the face. With a bit of alarm, he shook Ed's shoulder. "Brother?"

"Huhmm?" Ed gazed over at Al, his golden eyes completely hazed over. "Al?"

"Yes." _Are you feeling all right? _

"Huh?" Ed reached up stupidly for Al's hand. "What?"

_I asked if you were okay._

"Al I...I can't unnerstand you," Ed said with an obvious slur to his words. "N-no Dorset."

"Ed?" Al sat up to check his brother, stopping as he smelled... _alcohol_ on Ed's breath. "Alcohol?" He gave Ed a shake. "How did you get it?"

"Whuut, Al?" Ed stared stupidly into space. "Sleepy. Lemme sleep."

Al checked Ed's cup, tasted the dregs of the clear fluid in the cup, and wrinkled his nose. "Ed, _how_ did you get..."

"Sir? How is everything?"

"Uh," Al started stupidly. "My brother managed to get alcohol..."

"Oh! Yes, we fixed his drink order earlier. We apologize for the mixup."

"Mixup? _What_ mixup?"

"The cup full of vodka that he requested," she answered with a tinge of confusion. "He told me himself that the drink was wrong."

"Oh, he did, did he?" Al jabbed Ed rather noticeably in the ribs, earning an odd yet amusing squeak from the drunken blond.

"I'm sorry, is he not supposed to have alcohol?"

"Honestly, he's an adult and can make that decision for himself. I wish he would have told me, as I have to take care of his drunken ass." He glanced up to spot the hostess staring at him in alarm. "Sorry. How he managed to flag you down and order the alcohol is a mystery to me. He's blind and deaf for going on two years now, but he's a little sneaky sometimes."

"He's-really? But I..." She paused as she remembered when he _ignored_ her. "...Oh. Will he be alright?"

"After it wears off, he'll be as fine as always. Thank you for checking back, though."

"Of course. Is there anything else you need?"

"Actually..." Al looked at his handful of a brother as he traced a circle dumbly in the air. "...I think I could use a drink too."

* * *

_Now?_

"Better, Al." I'm still curled up in my seat on the train, still hypnotically gripped by the rhythm of the rails and the lingering buzz of the alcohol. I don't know how long I was actually drunk for, but it was a nice reprieve from any thought at all-sometimes, my mind needs a break!

_Ed?_

"Yeah I can understand ya," I say dismissively, acting like I can handle being drunk and handicapped as though I were just as able as Al.

_You were drunk for two hours._

Oh, is that how long it was? It felt like five hours. Funny.

_Ed? Are you sure-_

"Yeah Al I'm sure I can inter-uh, make out your Dorset."

_Why'd you choose a different word?_

"In case I jumbled it up due to the alcohol," I admit with a mutter. "Shaddup."

_Why did you do it?_

I'm still having trouble picking up on emotions, even from Al's radiant chi. Is he angry or curious?

"I wanted to see if I could fool a steward. And uh, sometimes I like to deaden my senses. Y'know, so I can't feel emotions and stuff? I can't really turn that off. Plus, well, I feel stupid giddy from it. Sometimes that's fun!"

Al doesn't reply for a solid minute. I wonder what's going on. "Um, Al?"

_Sorry, just...laughing. You're such a great sport despite everything._

"Despite what, my handicap?" I chuckle and shove him playfully.

_Yeah. I wonder if we'll ever get your senses back._

"Yea and what if you don't? You can't search forever you know!"

_I can sure try_.

"Aw come on Al, let it go will ya? I'm happy awright?"

_You just don't want me to-_

"I mean I like the quiet. It's nice. I can mellow out often. It leaves me a lot of time to think about, well, everything; but at the same time, I experience peace like you'd never know, y'know?" I chuckle. "I don't get frustrated or panicky anymore. What causes those are actually helping to stop it, now that I think about it..."

Okay, _now_ I can sense him laughing.

"The irony is funny, isn't it?"

_Yeah, a little_-

Whoa, talk about a sudden energy shift! That was drastic as all hell, and I'm still a bit sensory-impaired. But why am I picking up on shock and fear?

"Um, Al? What was that?"

He's silent, and I can pick up on _his_ fear, too.

"Al?"

_Shh_. He shushes me by tapping-my hand? I try to reply in his, but he stills the motion.

Okay, _now_ my handicap is being a major hindrance. _What _is going on?

"Al, really, what's going on?" I try my best to keep my voice at a whisper, but I feel something almost painfully hit my shoulder only moments later. I feel a sudden surge of _anger_ from my brother, and I shrink back into my seat nervously. "A-Al?"


	63. Chapter 63

"Don't you _dare_ touch him again," Al growled in warning, fist ready for the men in front of them.

"Ooh, don't you scare the wits out of me," one of the men replied mockingly. "We're the ones with the guns here kid, and that means we're the ones in charge."

"Go ahead and hijack your train; but you leave my brother alone. He can't see or hear anything and he can't defend himself."

"Blind and deaf? Really? I heard you two talkin' earlier."

"We communicate through Dorset," Al continued warily, only offering up more information as the guns were still unsettlingly close.

"Oh, well, isn't _that_ convenient." The black-haired man flashed a grin. "And-"

"Al c'mon," Ed muttered in a hushed tone; "clue me in!"

"Well, go ahead," the man encouraged Al; "tell him what's up."

Al tentatively reached over to Ed's chest, the man's eyes following him the whole way-

_All is well, Ed._

Al knew that Ed would see right through his lie, and Ed knew that Al would know it too-and so sparked the bond between the brothers as Ed played along as though everything _were_ fine.

"Oh. Did you hit me?"

_Someone accidentally hit you with their luggage_, Al blatantly lied, able to see that Ed picked up on this with a slight furrowing of his brows.

"Oh," Ed said once again, rubbing at his temple with the heel of his palm and wishing for full sobriety. "Okay. Can-can you ask the hostess for some water?"

_I don't see her nearby_, the gun-toting man answered Ed, shocking Alphonse with his knowledge of the code. _I'll flag her down when I spot her_.

"Okay, thanks Al," Ed mumbled his reply, sitting back in his seat with a quick glance to his left-he _knew_ that wasn't Alphonse.

"Now will you please leave my brother alone?" Al glared at the man, who gave a shrug and walked off as though the two Elrics really wouldn't be a bother to him.

As soon as the two had a bit of actual privacy, Al relayed a new message to Ed.

_How's your shoulder?_

_Fine_, Ed replied to Al's free hand. _It wasn't luggage was it?_

_Butt of a gun_, Al fumed internally.

_Hijack?_

_Yeah. I told them you're harmless_.

_Oh Al, why'd you lie to them?_ Ed grinned maliciously.

_Ed, you're not thinking of-_

_Well of course I am. I can't risk the safety of everyone on this train_.

_That doesn't mean risking yourself!_

_You know I can handle these idiots, I've done it before._

_You weren't blind before._

_I can beat you in sparring._

_I don't use guns._

_Please Al, just help me out then?_

_But brother... _Al stared at the pleading and determination on Ed's face. _...You had better be damn careful._

_Oh Al, am I ever not? _Ed grinned. _Okay, make sure the guy in charge comes over to me. Give me a sign when he points his gun at me._

Though Al still wasn't keen on the whole idea-he couldn't call it a plan, because Ed's plan was always made up as he went-he subtly nodded Ed's head and braced himself for chaos.

"Hey, steward? Steward! Excuse me!" Ed called out brashly, interrupting the tense silence of the other patrons as they were held hostage. "Can I get some service over here?!"

"I thought I told everyone to keep their mouth shut," the cocky gunman from earlier growled as he approached the Elrics.

"Sorry sir, he just insisted-"

"Hey, _steward!_ Get a blind man some water!"

"I don't have time for this crap. Tell him he has to wait."

"I already did."

"Then tell him what's really going on!"

"He didn't believe me."

"Oh? Maybe he needs some _convincing?_" The man pressed the barrel of his rifle to Ed's temple, unaware of Al squeezing Ed's hand painfully at the action.

"Wait! No, please-"

In a blur of motion, Ed's arm flew up and knocked the gun away from his head. It fired but he was unfazed by the sudden explosion of energy as he swiped out with his other arm, found the gun, yanked back on it, and then _slammed_ the butt into their attacker's face. The man dropped instantly, but that didn't save him from a rough kick in the face from Edward, _just_ to be sure.

Ed tossed the gun backward to Al before leaping into the aisle as two more men raced towards him.

"Back me up with that, Al!"

"What-I don't know how to use this, Ed!"

Unaware of Al's protest, Ed kicked upward with his knee, expertly slamming it into the one attacker's chin and sending him backward. He dodged a punch from the other man, but couldn't throw his own punch yet as he stumbled backward again, narrowly missing a bullet.

Al scrambled out of his seat to aid his older brother, bolting forward in a rushed attempt to disarm the other man-but as Ed backed up again, he stumbled and fell backward, leaving both Elrics unguarded.

* * *

_Shit!_ I fell!

Of all the stupid, klutzy-

It's because you're _drunk_, isn't it?

I'm not drunk anymore!

Perhaps, but you're still not sober.

Oh shut up, I gotta get up and-

Al's right behind me, his chi is suddenly _flaring_. Panic. I gotta protect him! I'm his big brother!

I scramble to my feet and lunge forward, slamming into our assailant. I feel a sudden sharp pain in my right thigh and wonder what else I've run into.

"Al are you okay?!" I ask as I dodge-well I'm not sure but I must be dodging _something_, or else my sixth sense wouldn't have me dodge for nothing!

I feel Al again, he's still panicky but also really, really angry...I think 'pissed' would be the more appropriate term for this energy.

"Al is everything alright?!" I holler, suddenly getting the urge to jump backward. I make it but I stumble and fall, collapsing both myself and my brother. I know we're in a battle for our lives and that of other people's, but I just burst out laughing. Confusion disarms our fellow passengers and apparently, gives our attackers the illusion that they have the upper hand-but my sudden kick upwards seems to say otherwise.

Honestly, I do like fighting on autopilot. It's completely accurate, though perhaps not exactly _satisfying_. I don't have to work to anticipate the next attack, figure out how I'm going to react or defend myself. I just move intuitively and hit the mark every time.

Although, I can't see the reactions of the people whose asses I'm whupping, and I wish I could; that would be priceless! A blind man kicking ass of the able-bodied!

Okay, okay, so I'm still a showoff.

Ow, hey!

I was up and charging at someone before my right leg gave out and took me down to my knees. A sudden, excruciating jolt traveled through my left thigh and straight through my body in a strange new reaction to the automail slamming to the floor. It must have jarred some wires in there-and hell, I felt pain in my entire left leg; a rather unpleasant phantom limb moment.

Just how hard did I run my right leg into something earlier?

* * *

"You kids can't beat all of us," a gunman sneered as he aimed his gun at Alphonse.

Though Al and Ed had collectively taken out a dozen men, three more appeared to take them on; two from the front and one behind, and all armed.

Al worried that they may be outmatched and in real danger, as he and his brother were both wearing down. He knew that their opponents could see it-

"Give up while you can," the guy laughed harshly; "before we change our mind and take both of you out."

Al looked over at Ed, knowing he felt the challenge in the man's words. Ed's eyes flashed with the fire of defiance, his resolve not dampened one bit by his injured leg.

Did Ed even realize he'd been _shot?_

Ed's blood was splattered around the cabin as he'd leapt around and assaulted the gunmen, ignoring the impressive amount of blood loss from his right thigh. Needless to say, his pant leg and shoe were irrecoverably soaked through with crimson.

"You're both running out of steam," the man snorted. "You won't last much longer, especially that short one that's bleeding all over the-"

Before any of them could react, Ed was on the man. He'd leapt onto the man's shoulders, grabbed him by the neck, flipped forward, snapped the neck in an attempt to slam his head to the ground; and kicked out and got the second man right in the tender bits. One man dead and another incapacitated, Ed hollered out for all to hear:

"Anyone ELSE wanna call me _short?!_"

The sound of a clatter reminded Al and the others of the third gunman behind them. His hands raised and the gun at his feet, he shook his head.

"Nope, nope. Ain't doin it. I surrender."

"You surrender?" Al repeated in confusion, walking toward him cautiously.

"Yea. First off, I only did this because I can't find a job, but I have morals and I ain't shootin' anyone. Second, you boys are the Elrics, and you're good boys, I couldn't hurt ya. Third-never kick a man when he's down! And your brother could use some aid there."

Alphonse eyed the older man warily, shifting his attention only when Ed suddenly released a loud groan and collapsed against a nearby seat.

"Al," he breathed heavily; "did I get hurt? I suddenly feel exhausted. Is that the adrenaline wearing off?"

"Partly," Al murmured. He glanced at the man and pointed to the gun. "Okay, keep any others at bay while I check on my brother. If-"

"Ah, only one's left, looks like, is the boss. He's probably up to the engine and, unless I report in, will detach the passenger cars..."

"Then report in!" Al cried, kneeling down by his brother.

"Alright, I'll-"

Before he could radio in, the man who'd gotten it _right_ where it hurts had called in to their boss.

"Disconnect the cars," he wheezed painfully. "All men down, Rolf's a traitor. Sorry boss-"

Al tore the radio from the man's hand, landing a fist in his face and knocking him out instantly.

"Welp, so much for that plan," Rolf sighed. "Can you control the train cars with alchemy? I'll tend to your brother's injuries."

"I can but-Ed-Rolf do you know Dorset?"

"Uhm, forgot most of it. Can try?"

"Tell him what's going on. Ed is blind and deaf." Al frowned as he felt their uphill ascent suddenly slow down. Without another word, he began car-hopping as he raced to the front.

"Blind and-really? Since when?" Rolf made his way to Ed, kneeling down to apply pressure to the still-bleeding thigh. He took Ed's hand in his own as two golden eyes widened and searched in confusion.

"Al? Where's Al? I-I don't sense-" he suddenly froze in shock, stuttering in horror. "Al-Al, n-no, Al, they, they got him didn't they?!"

"Hey, hey calm down," Rolf urged, squeezing Ed's hand to try and gain his attention.

"No, no," Ed gasped, on the verge of tears. "I can't-I don't-I'm his brother! His _big_ brother! I-I'm supposed to protect him! But I-I put him in harm's way and now-oh no Alphonse," Ed wheezed in sudden panic, tearing his hand away from Rolf.

* * *

No, no, Al _can't_ be, he can't be gone.

But no way he would leave me here! And-and his chi was gone too fast-he can't move that fast.

It was here, loud and frantic and panicked, and then it was gone.

_He_ was gone.

Alphonse!

My brother, my little brother. All because I had to play the hero again-

I'm so ridiculously stupid and _reckless_ and now Alphonse-

Someone is shaking me, I think, but outside of the constant vibration of my throat from my subconscious blabbering, I'm numb to outside stimuli.

Fuck, it's been forever since I had a _panic attack_.

But I think I'm justified-my little _brother_-

I suck in a sharp breath and curl in on myself and let the tears come.


	64. Chapter 64

_To Solomonssavior_: Al ran out of range much faster than he'd ever had before, leaving Ed sensing no trace after a strong presence. Glad you're enjoying the story! :D  
_To J. K. Kelly_: I try to update quickly! That was we can see more of our favorite _little_ alchemist. ;)  
Thank you to everyone for your reviews and compliments :) I love writing this as much as you love reading it! (Although I reread it often too...oops)

* * *

"Stupid kid," Rolf muttered as he tried to pull Ed out of his safety curl and back to reality. "Hey, calm down. Your brother is fine."

Though others were staring at Ed as the handicapped man suffered needlessly, Rolf kept a steady head. He tapped what Dorset he remembered to Ed's hand, but every time he pulled it away from Ed's chest, Ed only snatched it back.

"Alphonse, where is my brother," Ed sniffled, Rolf's persistent motions slowly bringing Ed out of the attack and back to coherency.

"Hell, how do those letters go..." Rolf attempted Dorset again, but as Ed felt his hand taken again, he led Rolf's helpful hand to his chest.

"Can't-can't feel. Use m-my chest." He sniffled again, visibly on the verge of breaking down at a moment's notice.

Rolf tapped his broken Dorset to Ed's chest, just barely able to communicate.

_He's OK. Ha...sto...train._

"Uhm," Ed replied shakily; "train? The..." As he focused, he felt the train suddenly stop; everyone felt the reversal of gravity as it suddenly began to roll backwards.

"Oh, hell, your brother is late!"

"Wait what-why is the train-did the engine disconnect?!"

Having forgotten the code for Y, Rolf simply nodded Ed's head as he frowned. _Is OK. He_...

"Man, I _really_ need to brush up on my Dorset."

* * *

What kind of moron is talking to me? I can't understand a word of what he's saying! Does he remember any Dorset?!

Stop being irritable, Ed.

Oh go to hell! It's my defense mechanism, I'll use it if I please!

You know it doesn't help anything.

It helps me become not nuts.

Too late!

Oh go screw yourself.

You do realize you're talking to yourself, right?

Whatever! Just-what's going on with the train? It felt like it started going the wrong way.

Well, ask, dummy! This guy seems to know how to answer yes and no, so ask the right questions.

"Hey," I say a bit shakily; "is the train going the right way?"

There's an annoying pause before he shakes my head _no_.

I'm so impatient.

"Oh sh-I mean, is the engine not working?" Another _no_. "And...Al is trying to fix it?"

_Yes_.

Oh, hallelujah! He _is_ okay! He's just too far away for me to sense him.

"Do I know you?" He answers no again so I introduce myself. "I'm Edward-Ed Elric, and you? I mean...you seem to know some Dorset...Do you know your name?"

_Ed_.

"Yeah, that's me," I reply in confusion.

He shakes my head and takes my hand to tap it on his chest.

He's Ed, too?

"Your name is Edward?"

_No_.

Oh. Uhm... Ed...

"Eddie?"

_No_.

"Ed...red?"

There's just a really long and awkward pause, and I apologize.

_M_, he taps. _E-D-M._

Wow, he really needs to relearn Dorset.

"Ed...m..._Oh!_" Now it's painfully obvious. "Edmund?!"

I almost feel his agreement and even before he nods my head, I know I've gotten it right. I grin triumphantly.

"I don't suppose you remem-"

I'm cut off as I suddenly roll backward, ass flying over my head as the train stops but I keep moving. I finally hit something and stop, but something slams into me immediately after-

Holy hell, is that Edmund?! He's _heavy!_

* * *

Mere minutes after the train had suddenly braked, Alphonse flew into his car with the messenger man in tow.

"Brother?!"

"Alphonse," Rolf answered, motioning to Al. "He's over here. His mood leveled out, but he needs to see a doctor."

"For his leg?" Al sped over to them, spotting Ed seated comfortably by the window. As soon as he spotted Ed, those dulled golden eyes lit up behind the messy curtain of bangs.

"Alphonse?" Ed sat up straight and reached for his brother. "Oh good you _are_.. Oh man, Al don't leave me that fast again! Your chi completely disappeared! I thought you were _dead!_"

"Dead?!" Al took Ed's hand and squeezed it. "That explains the panic attack, anyway..."

"At least my new friend Edmund was here," Ed continued. "He helped me out of it. He even knows a little Dorset."

"Edmund?"

"Rolf comma Edmund," Rolf said with a smile. "I couldn't remember enough Dorset for my last name...or even all of my first," he said sheepishly.

"I hope you're not as much trouble as this Ed," Al joked as he knelt down to check in Ed's leg.

"I make no promises." Rolf watched Al check the wound. "There's no exit wound; the bullet is still in his leg. I don't know what this train has as far as a doctor or medical kit, but since we'll probably be stranded without an engine for an extra few hours, someone's gotta get that bullet out. Not to mention he's already really low on blood."

True to Rolf's claim, Ed's skin was quite pale, though the man seemed to be fairly coherent. Though Al would rather wait to get Ed better care in a Central medical office, he knew the risk of infection from waiting was too high.

"...Okay. Rolf, can you search the cars for a doctor? I'll stay with my brother, since I don't think he'd like if I ran off again so soon."

"Sure thing, boss!" Rolf grinned and took off, leaving the Elrics in each others' care.

"Oh Ed," Al sighed. "You get into so much trouble."

"But you still love me, right?" Ed wore a knowing grin, and Al could help but squeeze Ed's hand in affirmation.

"Of course, brother."

* * *

No doctor?

What does he mean?

"Al, what are you talking about? Why do I need a doctor?"

_Don't you feel tired, brother?_

"Of course I do! I just got done kicking _ass!_"

Someone is giggling, but not Al.

_Your leg doesn't hurt?_

"My leg? Which one?"

I feel a sudden, strong soreness in my right thigh and nearly yank away in reflex, purely due to the surprise.

"Um, apparently _something_ happened. What's wrong?"

_You were shot._

"In the leg?!"

_Yes, Ed. You've lost a lot of blood._

"Leave it to the blind guy to have to be told he was shot," I mutter. "Yeah well if we get moving we can get to a doctor in Central."

_We'll be stranded for a few hours at minimum_, Al replies, and his disappointment mirrors mine.

"Dammit. So what do we do?"

_We have to wait. But..._

Uh oh, that's a long pause.

"But what?!"

_The bullet is still in there._

"...and it has to come out, doesn't it."

_Yep_.

"But without a doctor-"

_Edmund volunteered to get it out._

"Edmund?! He can do that?"

_He says it wouldn't be the first time._

"Alright. Just let me know when he's starting."

_We found a first aid kit, but there's nothing for pain in here._

"Why would I want that?! I can barely feel anything as it is, give me a little sensation!"

_Ed, it's gonna hurt like hell._

"I'm a big boy."

_Are you sure?_

"Well we don't have much of a choice now, do we? Go ahead Edmund, my leg is the buffet. _Dig in_."

* * *

"I can't believe he said that," Al muttered in disbelief.

"Well, at least he doesn't seem to be nervous about this." Rolf pulled out his rather large and impressive hunting knife.

"Wait-you're gonna stick _that_-into his leg?!"

"Well, yeah. I've been using this since I was a kid, it'd be the best tool for me to use."

"It's _huge!_"

"I won't injure him further, I promise," Rolf replied, a slight bite of agitation to his voice.

"...Alright. Sorry, just..."

"I understand. Let 'im know we're starting."

"Uhm, okay." Al tapped out the Dorset message to Ed, wary of the knife as Ed remained completely relaxed.

"Okay go ahead," Ed confirmed. "Let me know when you're done."

Rolf silently went to work, other passengers straining their neck to catch a glimpse of the makeshift surgery. He reopened the blood-crusted wound with the sharp tip of the knife, Ed not even batting an eyelash as blood slowly began to seep out again.

Rolf slowly explored into the wound, his hands sterile from the medical gloves in the first-aid kit. As he felt around the soft tissue, discomfort was clear on Ed's face.

"Wow, that feels so weird," he murmured, his low voice only heard due to the silence of the entire car.

_Hurt?_ Al tapped to Ed's chest.

"No," he replied; "well...a little. Did the bullet tear muscle too?"

"Somehow it missed the muscle completely," Rolf answered in amazement. "But it...Uh oh. It's lodged in the bone."

"Is that bad?"

"Well Alphonse, it's sure not good. I can get it out, but it might be painful and it might splinter the bone."

"Oh man," Al murmured. He relayed this info to Ed...

"Well, muscle would mean more surgery. If it's only the bone, it can heal on its own!"

"Says the man who tore a pole out of his stomach," Al muttered. "I'm surprised that didn't require more surgery than your alchemy."

"He did what and what?" Rolf paused.

"Uhh, he almost died, but he used alchemy to save himself. I don't think he'd want to do it with his leg though, because it does take a massive strain on one's body."

"Still, that's a good emergency backup." Rolf pulled back when Ed suddenly jerked his leg away and hissed in pain. "Oops."

"Oops what?!"

"I slipped and hit the muscle. With the blunt end! I didn't cut it," he reassured Al when the boy jumped to panic. "I didn't sever anything, but the wound area is inflamed and causing him pain."

"I thought you weren't a doctor?"

"I'm not. But I know enough about home first aid to get me through." Rolf meticulously worked on getting the bullet out while being careful not to chip, splinter or carve the bone. "First time getting a bullet out of a femur..."

"I thought you said you did this before!" Al cried, staring at Rolf pleadingly.

"I've gotten bullets out of people. Okay, once, and it was in his back. Okay I shot him on accident, we were out hunting!"

"You're _kidding_ me."

"We all make mistakes," Rolf muttered. "And Harry is still alive and well and we still go hunting together!"

"Just make sure my brother is okay," Al muttered worriedly.

"He'll be right as rain in no time-whups!" The bullet suddenly popped out of its little hole, flew up and harmlessly whacked Al in the eye.

"Are you done yet?" Ed moaned, gripping his thigh tightly. "You wouldn't think this hurts but it does, it really does..."

_Almost_, Al answered as he wiped the bit of blood splatter from his eye. _Bullet's out._

"Good. Next is his hands. Close me up will ya? I'm starting to get dizzy."

_From the pain?_

"And earlier apparent blood loss," he grumbled. "Can't wait until you're done, I need some sleep."

_It's midday_, Al protested.

"Yeah well I lost half my blood after kicking ass _after_ being drunk and now I'm having _surgery!_ You'd need sleep too!"

_Calm down Ed._

"Sorry," Ed grumped. "Just really tired."

"O...kay, and...that looks good to me. What do you think?" Rolf wiped the last bit of blood from the inflamed wound, readying to dress it with gauze and tape.

"Uhm, aren't you going to sew it up?"

"I've never done that before, and I don't feel comfortable in trying. Besides, it's gotta get looked at by a _real_ doctor later."

"But what about infection?! It can't stay open!"

"We'll just give him a shot of the penicillin in the first aid kit." Rolf slid the metal box over to Al. "That'd be better than any half-ass stitch job I do."

"...You have a point." Al noticed Ed begin to tremble and tapped Dorset to him in concern.

_Ed? Are you okay?_

"Yeah why?"

_You're shaking_.

"Well I'm tired and-didn't I lose a lotta blood?"

"Right, sorry." Al squeezed Ed's hand. _I just worry because you've been injured._

"It's ha-hardly the first time, Al." He shivered and returned the squeeze to his hand. "I'm cold."

_We'll get you a blanket soon._

Alphonse took the bottle of penicillin and a sterile syringe from the kit. Though Winry and Pinako were the doctors, he'd assisted Winry enough times to be comfortable with injection.

Ed's hazy eyes stared ahead lazily, their golden color dulled but still standing out against his pale skin. They widened as Al slid the needle in, a small gasp of pain escaping his throat just before he finally succumbed to unconsciousness.


	65. Chapter 65

_To DPfruitloop_: Wat seriously?! I know you guys like it but it's that popular?! No way! /fangirlingoverbeingfangirled  
_To GalacticSpoon_: I'm glad you love the story so much ❤  
_To Omg_: I update as often as I can. Except for minecraft. Today I played minecraft. :)

* * *

Man, am I tired...and _cold!_

Was I drunk? Did I pass out?

Wait, wasn't there some fighting?

And then I got shot...

Oh, _right_.

Al and I kicked the hijackers' asses, but I got shot and lost a lot of blood before needing makeshift surgery to get the bullet out.

Apparently, _then_ I passed out. I don't remember anything after surgery.

I move ever so slightly as I try to sit up, but there's a sudden pressure on my chest.

"Uh, hello?"

_Brother_, Al answers slowly. _How do you feel?_

"Tired, cold..." I wiggle my leg; "sore."

_You will be for a while._

"Al, you're slow. Are you okay?"

_Just woke up,_ he answers groggily.

"Aw hell, I'm sorry, I-"

_Shh_. He actually _shushed_ me. _Gotta change your bag anyway._

"Bag?"

_Saline drip. You were dehydrated_.

I feel a tug on my arm and that's when I realize what he's talking about. He's got my IV in! I didn't even know he had that _with_ him!

Sneaky bastard.

"Couldn't just get me some water..?"

_Ed, you were passed out for four hours._

"I was not! I was?!"

_Yes._

Well, no wonder he's got that in. And I still feel like crap.

"How is everyone else? All the hijackers rounded up?"

I feel humor from him.

_Never concerned with yourself._

"Yeah so? How is everyone?"

_Everyone is fine, brother. Nobody else was hurt, and Rolf is returning what stolen things he can find to the passengers._

"Rolf?"

_Edmund_.

"Who?"

_He dug the bullet out. You don't remember?_

"Yeah, I do, sorry. Still disoriented from it all I guess..."

_I understand. Are you hungry?_

"Oh Alphonse," I answer with a grin; "I thought you'd never ask."

* * *

It was late in the evening when the train finally arrived in Central. Alphonse and Edward were the first to be let off, and one by one, due to the news of the Elrics saving them all, each passenger stopped to thank the Elrics, allowing a few extra moments for Al to relay some messages to Ed-though he could tell that Ed picked up on most of the emotions.

"Wow, I didn't know there were so many people on the train," Ed chuckled nervously in between passengers thanking them; "I could only guess due to my blindness-how many passenger cars are there?"

As Al tapped the answer to him, one woman walked up and, without warning, gave Ed the most relief-filled hug he'd ever felt.

"One man," she said as she pulled away from him and tried not to cry; "he had his gun pointed directly at my mother." A woman joined her, and Ed glanced her way with a smile, picking up on them both. "Were it not for you two drawing them away from our car..."

"Well, I wouldn't be here right now!" Her mom said with much gratitude. "Thank you both so much. We owe you our lives."

"It's-"

"You're welcome," Ed interrupted Al. "I'm just glad we could help. I'm glad I'm still of some use," he added with a sheepish chuckle.

"I know of able bodied men who don't do a _speck_ of what you do, bless you," the mother replied, shaking his hand and thanking them both again before leaving with her daughter.

_Can't get that grin off your face, can ya?_ Al teased after relaying her message to Ed.

"Shaddup Al," he replied; but true to Al's words, his grin never left.

There were very few people left to thank them, much to Ed's relief; Al could see he was growing restless.

_You okay brother?_

"Leg hurts. Back too, think from still being tired...didn't I get enough sleep?"

_You're still low on blood. Give it time._

"Yeah, okay." Ed sighed and leaned against Alphonse more than he realized, unintentionally showing his younger brother just how tired he was. "It's so much easier with a transfusion..."

_Yeah, but then you have to be in the hospital!_ Al replied, grinning as Ed paled even further.

"Oh man don't _remind_ me!"

Al laughed with Ed joining in moments later, but their laughter died down as Al looked around the emptying train station.

"Right...I was going to walk you home, but..." Al looked down at Ed's leg, the bandages hidden by the alchemically cleaned and repaired pants. "I don't know how far you would make it..."

"Can we sit down?" Ed suddenly asked, tired enough to ignore his pride in the presence of the little brother he always wanted to be strong for.

"Of course, brother." Al led his limping brother to one of the benches, easing him down before glancing around for their next course of action.

Al would ask if Rolf had any transportation, but the man had already been escorted to jail for his involvement in the armed robbery of the train. Al would have a nice talk with Roy about that to be sure Rolf got the minimum time.

If they ever _got_ to Roy's.

"Maybe I can call someone," Al murmured. He spotted the payphone quickly, but his first call to Mustang went unanswered. He returned to Ed in the hopes of more contacts.

_Ed? Do you have any phone numbers for our friends? Lt. Hawkeye, 2nd Lt.-_

"Oh for the- first off Al, who the hell uses titles anymore?! We're not in the military! Second, of course I have phone numbers for Riza and Jean and everyone; after all, I call them all the time to have a chat!" Ed stared pointedly at Al.

"Well you don't have to be a jerk about it," Al grumbled unpleasantly.

"Can we go home now?" Ed crossed his arms and leaned back against the wall.

"I'm trying to find us a way there," Al protested.

"Well then call for a taxi or something!" Ed snapped in reply, catching the attention of a man nearby.

"Ed you're not-"

"Excuse me, gentlemen?" He offered a smile, and Al recognized him as one of the passengers from the train. "I hear you need a ride?"

Al glanced at Ed and then back at the man sheepishly. "Um..."

"Of course you do, he's been shot in the leg, hasn't he? You won't get that far on foot! Don't worry; I'm a private taxi service, I drive people around Central all the time."

Al was glad that a way to travel had presented itself, but he was still understandably weary of the man's very generous offer, and his blatant overexcitement. They had just been in a robbery; what if this guy was in on it? What if it's some guy with a personal vendetta, like Kurkowski?

"After all you did for us," the man continued eagerly; "it'd be no bother at all to give you a free ride to where you're headed."

"Al, are you there? I wanna go home." Ed was hugging his arms to his chest, trembling a bit from the air-it was much cooler in autumn in Central than in Risembool.

"You can't sense me?" Al replied quietly. "Thank you for your offer, sir. We'd love to have you drive us."

"I'll just go grab my car from the nearby storage. You don't mind waiting for about ten minutes, do you?"

"Not at all, sir. Thank you very much." Al made his way over to tend to Ed, who had just laid down on the bench.

_Um, Ed?_

"I'm gonna take a nap now, Al..."

_Ed, we have a car arriving shortly. Can't you stay awake until you get home?_

Ed's half-closed eyes flickered open before he turned his sleepy gaze to Al. "What?"

"Brother," Al murmured in concerned annoyance before repeating the Dorset.

"I...I guess I _could_..." Ed sat himself up again, reaching blindly for something on the bench.

_What are you looking for?_

"Blanket. Where is it?"

_There are none._ Al sat next to Ed and pulled his brother into a hug, doing his best to warm Ed's cool, pale skin and keep him awake through conversation.

_Can you sense me, Ed?_

"Little bit."

_What's blocking it?_

"I'm just really tired. And a little scatter..um...brained? I'd rather not think. I just want to rest. My leg is sore. My arms are sore. I think I pulled a muscle."

_Kicking butt?_

"Yeah," Ed answered with a smile. "Kicking butt."

_It's been a while since we did that._

"But it felt good, didn't it?"

_Yeah. Except for the getting shot part._

"What?! You got shot too?!"

Al snorted in laughter, shaking Ed's head. _I meant you_.

"Oh, uh, ri-right." Ed's cheeks regained some color as he blushed. "So who's picking us up?"

_A private taxi driver._

Ed squinted his eyes as he tried to gather his waning attention and focus. "...why not Roy?"

_Didn't answer his phone._

"That bastard," Ed mumbled. "I used to try to call him after he left work, he never picked up."

_You can tell him off when we get you home_, Al added with a giggle.

"Yeah. If we ever get there. You know when I'm home again I can sleep with him? I miss that. I can't sense his chi but I can feel him breathing under me."

Al held Ed close to him to keep him warm and company, watchful eyes waiting for a glimpse of their driver.

_I'm glad you're happy with him, brother._

"I am. Maybe it's silly because it's Roy, or how we fell in love. Er," Ed blushed again, clearly realizing the words he used-and feeling as though he just emasculated himself.

_It's not silly at all. It's romantic._

"_Roma_-I fell for a guy I didn't even know I knew because I couldn't interact with the world and he fell for me because-well because I'm me but-well geez Al, I'm awesome whether I'm disabled or not aren't I?!"

_Of course, brother._ Al laughed and squeezed Ed's hand as he began another message-

_Really, Ed, you are. Thank you._

"For what?"

Before Al could continue, the two were interrupted by the loud sound of a car honking three times.

"Is that our-"

"Huh?" Ed narrowed his eyes. "Al did someone honk at us?"

"Ed how did-" _Yes, three times. Our ride is here._

"Oh good! Roy! Is at home. Waiting." Ed grinned sheepishly and stood with just a bit of help from Al, as he _was_ still exhausted and in pain.

Their driver was standing at the ready, with a smile on his face and their door held open.

"Welcome to Party Central!" Sure enough, on the door, in respectably classy script, were the words Party Central. "Named because I know all the best places in this city and can book anyone their ideal route or commute suited to their interests-so for the customer, their time in the city is always a party!"

Al stared in shock, not sure whether to smile and nod or comment politely. However his choice was made for him as Ed opened his mouth-

"Another Ed? Are you named Ed?" Ed turned his gaze to their driver and stared at him dead-on.

"Brother, what-"

"Actually yes," the man interrupted Al; "my name is Edgar; but how did he know? Did you know of my company and tell him?"

"Um, no. Before tonight, I had no idea of, um, Party Central. Let me ask..."

"How the hell should I know?" Ed brashly answered the question. "The name just appeared in my mind. And now a black bird. I don't know."

"Oh, a raven?!" Edgar seemed a bit too excited. "Ravens are my favorite! I collect raven and crow figures and they hang around my house too!"

"Really, they do?" Al finally had the brains to get his injured brother a seat before he collapsed them both, then set about buckling them both in.

"Yeah! They love the Poe household. Of course, I feed them. Even birds gotta eat, you know?" Edgar pulled out and began to drive on toward the main road. "Which way, boys?"

"You know where that is, right?" Al asked after giving the address.

"Of course! White house blue roof with the white picket fence right? I drive by that one all the time! Sometimes I spot a nice car outside, but I see military police there all the time. Wonder if the owner is a troublemaker?"

Al chuckled and nudged Ed gently to keep him awake. "Sort of. My brother here finds trouble. But, that military man owns the house."

"Really? Well, I guess that makes more sense then! Silly me. It is a nice neighborhood. Quiet street, although once in a while I hear stories of sudden explosions."

"Th-that would be the Flame Alchemist, sir." Al had to keep himself from laughing.

"Oh! I've heard of him! Colonel Mustang, right?"

"That's my Roy!" Ed suddenly chirped, the smile on his face revealing how blissfully unaware he was of his prideful outburst.

"Oh. _Oh_, now it makes sense why you're going there. I thought that might be it, but I didn't want to jump to conclusions!" Edgar nodded understandingly with a smile. "My cousin married her girlfriend just last year. They were married in Rush Valley, such a nice wedding!"

"Oh, how nice," Al said politely. "I think Ed is a little too shy romantically to mention marriage."

"Oh, no problem. I won't mention it again." He smiled and turned full attention to his driving.

"Alphonse, are we almost there?" Ed piped up tiredly, golden eyes clicking to each streetlamp as they passed.

"One whole block to go!" Edgar answered eagerly. Al lifted his hand to relay it to Ed, but the blond spoke first-

"Oh, okay. Thanks Edgar."

Alphonse stared at his brother, still not sure how he did that.

_You will never cease to amaze me, brother._

"I know. I can't help how awesome I am."

* * *

Edgar dropped us off out front. He must have brought my luggage too, since Alphonse practically had to carry me in.

I can't help it, I'm literally exhausted. I know I slept but it wasn't enough. It's been years since I lost this much blood-hell, it must have been a lot, for how I'm feeling!

I remember being this tired only a year ago. Back when I shut myself in my own mind and let myself waste away to practically nothing.

Al did what he could, but I was the one refusing help. I was such a moron; but, I suppose I had to go through the grieving process for the loss of my senses.

_Ed. Brother wake up._

Huh? What's he on about? I'm not asleep.

"Uh-huh. Where are we?"

_Roy's front door_.

"Oh. Is it locked? Just unlock it." Despite my lack of energy, I clap my hands and shove them to the door in front of me, somehow able to locate the metallic lock by its alchemical _energy_ and shifting it to unlocked.

"See? So easy a blind man can do it!" I grin like a fiend as I, somehow despite my sheer exhaustion, pick up on Al's amazement.

I'll never forget what followed. Al took my hand so that we pushed the door open together, and I felt a wave of warmth hit me-it wasn't actual physical heat, but just an obscene warmth, comfort, _coziness_ that I had come to love at the Mustang residence.

I could sense Roy.

For the first time since I lost my senses-

He's near the door, tired and on edge and surprised-

But he's _there_, and I can sense him. Though not as strong as Al's idle signature, I can _see_ Roy.

I fly forward, leg and limp forgotten as I throw myself on Roy, nearly taking us both down.

I feel Roy's energy warm up as he holds me in his arms for the first time in a week, I feel the _love_ we share and I'm overcome with relief that I'm finally _home_ again.

Al's happy too, and I think Edgar is smiling.

I know I am.

I'm back with _him_ again.

Safe in his arms, I allow myself peace. His loving energy is the last thing I feel as I slip away in the best sleep I've had all week.


	66. Chapter 66

_To Secret Companion_: Ed's just getting better at sensing things. Including his babe boyfriend!  
_To Nicolelovesray_: Every story with Edward Elric guarantees a wild ride. I'm glad I can deliver!  
_To Up-In-the-Clouds1285_: Thank you for the compliment! :D There's still quite a ways to go on this adventure!  
_To LeaveItToTheGreeks_: Wow. I still can't believe that my story affects people so much! This makes me so proud. And overjoyed to know that others like my writing, lol. Although I think I should make a disclaimer about throwing tablets, you're actually the second to do so while reading this story...

* * *

Al had called Roy once at the start of their trip, and had been unable to reach him again after the fateful events on the train. So, needless to say, when Roy's door was alchemically unlocked late at night, the man was on guard and only half-awake as he sprang from the couch to meet the intruders-

But when Ed leapt into Roy's arms and whispered four magical words-

_I can sense you_-

All of Roy's worries were forgotten.

It wasn't until Roy began carrying his sleeping partner toward the stairway that Alphonse stopped him and made him aware of what had happened on the train.

"That's why we were so late, Roy. Train robbers."

"At least you're both alright," Roy said with a sleepy smile, but it faltered at Al's frown. "Sorry, are you not?"

"Oh, no, I'm fine...but Ed will need a doctor by tomorrow," Al replied nervously. "Ed um, his right thigh. We got the bullet out and gave him penicillin but there was no doctor on the train," he explained quickly.

"He was _shot?!_"

"Saving us all, yes."

"And you let him rebel against _armed men?!_"

"He wouldn't stay put. Roy, you know it's not in his nature to sit back while wrongs are done. He was willing to risk himself for everyone else on the train."

"Despite being unable to fight?"

"Honestly, his sixth sense served him really well. He dodged every bullet aimed at him,but it was only when I panicked after we both fell that he jumped up and took one in the leg."

Roy gazed down at the man in his arms, just now realizing that Ed was pale and cooler to the touch than he should have been. He at first had thought it to be the moonlight filtering in the windows.

"Edward, still saving Amestris, despite all his limitations." Roy sighed and smiled. "I'll call Dr. Knox first thing in the morning."

Al nodded his agreement and found himself unable to stifle a yawn, realizing his exhaustion from the day's events now that his brother was safe at home.

"Come, Alphonse; you look like you need sleep as much as your brother."

"It has been a long day," he admitted. "The guest bedroom is down the hall to the left, right?"

"Yeah. See you in the morning."

* * *

I awaken to find myself smothered in warmth. I've never been so comfortably cozy without my sense of touch, and I want to spend forever here.

The only thing that could feel even better is a wonderful morning stretch-but as I do, there's a searing pain in my right thigh. I gasp and whimper, curling back into the half-ball I had been moments ago.

_Ed?_

Roy?

Oh, right, I'm home.

Thank whatever gods people worship nowadays, I'm _home_.

"Did I wake you?"

_No,_ comes his reply. _How is your leg?_

"It hurts," I answer, and stupidly almost ask _why_ before my brain wakes up enough to remind me.

_Just relax_.

No complaints here.

_A doctor is on his way._

"Wait, _doctor?!_" I remember the last time a doctor had made a house call, and it had been pure torture on my back-

Roy is shaking my shoulder and I realize _why_ as I find myself gasping and subconsciously reaching for my back.

Really, Ed? That was _how_ long ago?

But it _hurt!_ Like _hell!_

Yeah, but you know what's going on now, and it won't hurt as much as before.

"Why-um-why do we need a doctor? Didn't uh, didn't Edmund do a good enough job?"

_The wound is still open, _he explains to me patiently. _Dr. Knox will have it sewn shut in mere minutes_.

"Oh, oh, uhm, okay," I stammer dumbly. "Well I-I guess it would be nice to see him..."

_I'll be with you when he's here_, Roy assures me. Even though that's what I want, I still protest that I don't _need_ it.

"What, you think I-I can't handle it? Geez Roy, I don't get panic attacks anymore and I can pick up on emotions. Doesn't he know Dorset anyways?!"

_Yes. _He lifts my chin and steals my mouth in a kiss, my first kiss since we've been apart for a _week_.

Man, I wish I could really _feel_ this.

Oh, hey-he's just trying to distract to me isn't he?! That's not fair! I really meant that I don't need-I mean I _don't_-but I-

Oh that Mustang still gets me all flustered! Only now I can't stay pissed at him because I'm come to love him for the affectionate asshole he is.

"Dick."

_Only if you ask_.

"Oh you damn _pervert!_" I cry, shoving him away-but end up laughing anyway.

_I love you, Ed. I missed you._

"Me too," I reply truthfully, no mutter or disgruntlement to my tone. "I missed walking with you, talking with you, snuggling and just spending time..."

_Me too_, Roy repeats my words. _I could barely focus on my work. I got two days' worth done in a week_.

"And that's different from usual?" I joke, earning a hug around the ribs. I expect him to release me afterward, but he instead lifts me bridal style. "Ah-R-Roy!" I clutch madly at him, my balance shot as he tilts me sideways.

His hands are too full with _me_ to use Dorset, but like last night, I can pick up on Roy better than before. He's telling me to relax. To smile.

Oh, right; my leg. I probably can't walk on it if it needs to be sewn shut.

"Don't think you can do this all the time," I state loudly. "As soon as I'm able again, I'm walking!"

I sense humor before I feel a pressure on my neck-though how I can focus on anything other than the see-saw of balance in my head is beyond me-and I know he's kissing me.

He really must have missed me while I was gone. And who can blame him? Everyone loves the Fullmetal Alchemist, even though he's _really_ crippled now.

I feel vibration in my throat, and I think I'm chuckling. I land gently on the couch and Roy taps a message to me.

_That's not a nice thing to say_.

"What's not? What did I say?"

_You don't know?_

"Deaf, Roy."

Pause.

_You said crippled to a whole new level._

"And the deaf comment only added to it!" I laugh.

_Edward_...

"Oh lighten up, Roy! It was a joke. I wasn't being depressive or anything. I was laughing at myself. I'm awesome, I know it, you guys still love me, I'm allowed to joke about my handicaps. Of which I have many!" I can't help but snicker again.

_One of them being romantically challenged,_ he replies, squeezing my hand before his chi disappears from my side.

"Yeah sorry I didn't have to schmooze half of Amestris to get to the rank of Colonel!"

I lay back and await breakfast and surgery, curious as to which will come first. Just thinking about the pain in my leg dims my appetite, and I gently run my hand across my thigh to find a subtle soreness in the area of the injury. Lingering inflammation. I wonder if the pain meds from my back would help with this? I'll have to ask Dr. Knox.

"Was Knox my doctor last time?" I wonder aloud, but there's no answer.

I don't know where Roy is. I can sense him now, but only when he's near me. I can't feel him like I can Alphonse; I can sense that boy is awake and in the kitchen. I imagine that I'm not identifying the kitchen by its distance and location from me, but a comical image of Alphonse holding up a sign painted in bold red letters that read KITCHEN.

Oh, well, Breda _did_ prefer when I labeled the fridge 'Food'.

I wonder if Roy would get angry if I got up to join them? I can't be outright bleeding out of my leg, can I? Surely a short walk wouldn't do any harm.

Until I try to stand.

A hand pushes me back, but I wave it away as I try to catch my breath.

"Don't worry, I'm staying put. That leg hurts. Gimme an aspirin."

_Pill, o mighty one?_

"Crush it up and add it to my breakfast."

_Eggs or pancakes?_

"Fruit smoothie, jackass."

_I was just trying to accommodate you, Ed. I don't-_

"I know. But fruit is what I want to taste right now. I know it's all a shake in a cup. Pain makes me irritable."

_So you're always in pain?_

"I'm a pain in the ass, it's my nature, isn't it?"

_A lovable pain in the ass at that_.

"Aww, thanks, _babe_," I reply in layered humor. "Now can I get breakfast before Knox has a starving patient?"

_Of course, babe_.

I jokingly swat at Roy, but he's already gone again. That's fine, I'll be here waiting for him.

Not like I can get around on this leg!

Oh shut up, Ed.

You're talking to yourself again!

And you sound so damn gleeful.

Well, you _are_ happy.

To be stuck here?

On my ass or with Roy? Both. Now shut up.

Maybe if you tried that meditation thing, you could turn me off.

You're off when I need you to be.

In non-idle time?

I believe that terminology would be 'active' time.

Probably. But you're still arguing with your own mind.

Only because it's entertaining.

Don't fool yourself. It's because you don't know how to hit that off switch.

Oh would you just give me a few minutes of silence?

Meditate.

Shaking; someone's shaking my shoulder rather roughly. I assume that it didn't start out so rough.

"Uh, yeah? Alphonse," I add as I pick up on his chi; was I so deep in my mind I really didn't sense him? "Whaddya want?"

_Are you okay? You weren't answering Dorset._

"Nor was I answering your chi signature or the shaking of my shoulder. It's fine, Al, I was just uh..."

I may as well admit it to him. He'd understand. And he, most of all people, wouldn't find me cuckoo for it.

"Sometimes I argue with myself, in my mind. Mark of a mad genius, right?" I laugh sheepishly.

_Minus the mad. There's nothing nuts about that, everybody does it. If it bothers you, you could try meditation._

"Oh not you _too!_" I laugh. "That's what I told me to do!"

_Well, you're both right._

"Al, you're crazy too," I say with a smile. I perk up as a weight lands in my hands. "Breakfast?"

Al nods my head and I get to drinking, my appetite restored.

_Thank you again, brother._

Al's message surprises me. I'm not sure what he means by it. Am I just being that cheerful?

"What for, Al?"

_For the train yesterday. For risking your life for everyone._

"Oh don't worry about that, Al. I-"

_No, Ed. What you did was risky. It was more than anyone could have asked of you. And it was awesome._

This time, I don't reply. I wait for him to finish.

_I wanted to thank you for protecting me, Ed. For being my big brother and still taking care of me._

It's true. I really _did_ protect my little brother. My heart swells with pride as Al squeezes my shoulder until I feel the compression.

"I'll...I'll always take care of you, Al. Even if I can't take care of myself. Well that came out wrong didn't it?" I laugh stupidly. "I'm your big brother. It's my job to take care of you."

_Yeah_. _It's our job to take care of each other._

"Mhm." I return to my smoothie, sure there's an inerasable grin on my face.

I saved Al's life twice this past week. Despite my handicaps.

That's 0 for you, Truth!

* * *

Alphonse, watching his older brother meditatively draw at the alchemized kitchen table, jumped when he heard knocking at the front door. He nearly jumped again when Ed's gaze suddenly snapped to him in alarm.

"Al? What is it?"

"That must be Knox," Roy called from the couch he'd been reading on, sailing by the kitchen doorway with impressive speed. "I'll get it."

"Al?"

_Knock at the door startled me._

"Oh! Really? Another advantage of being deaf, I suppose!" Ed grinned as he returned to his drawing with renewed focus.

"Yeah." Al smiled sadly, but brightened as he looked up to spot Knox arriving in the doorway. "Doctor!"

"Alphonse! Good to see you again. Haven't seen you since you were skin an' bones, you're looking much better."

"Thanks to Winry's cooking and Ed's care," Al replied sheepishly. "He saved my life twice this week."

"Twice?" Roy blurted before Knox could reply. "There was another time?"

"Uhm, Al coughed nervously. "He may have pushed me out of the way of a landslide..."

"A _landslide?_ What were you doing in a _landslide?!_"

"It stopped the train, Ed insisted he go with me as I cleared it, and if he hadn't, I honestly would be dead right now."

"Well that's a hell of an abridged version," Roy said with clear complaint. "How did you almost die?"

"A boulder the size of a truck rolled down the mountain, and I didn't notice it because I was throwing rocks back with alchemy," Al admitted, glancing at Knox to see him staring between the Elrics with shock. "Ed must have sensed it and he pushed me out of the way. Somehow, he only suffered temporary asphyxiation from it."

"He jumped in front of a rock and he didn't even realize it?" Roy asked, flabbergasted.

"He knew something was happening and that he had to act. I'm really glad he did," Al added with a relieved grin.

"He's getting better with his condition, isn't he?" Knox remarked, approaching Ed to spy on the sketchy artwork in front of him.

"If you only knew," Al and Roy said in unison.

"You told me on the-" Knox was interrupted as Ed softly began singing an alien song to them all.

"I've got a feelin' somebody's watchin' meeee...tell me is it just a dream?"

"Does he know I'm here?" Knox asked, glancing away from Ed to Roy-but when his gaze returned to his patient, two golden eyes had turned to meet his.

"Who..." Ed narrowed his eyes in thought as he pointed to Al and Roy and counted to two, then to Knox with pursed lips. "Oh! Doctor Knox?"

"How does he-"

"Well, he knew you were coming today," Roy explained; "though I'm not sure if he actually sensed you particularly..."

"He senses people?"

"Yeah, using their chi," Al chimed in as Roy tapped Dorset to Ed. "He knows mine because we're brothers, and he can identify Roy's now, too! It's really-"

"No," Ed interrupted as he answered Roy. "I didn't sense him. Well, I sensed someone was near me, but I could tell neither of you were close enough."

"Wait, how can he-"

"Communicate?" Ed suddenly interjected, grinning as he felt Knox's shock. "Dorset. C'mon, you're welcome to speak with the omnipresent alchemist."

Al shook his head is disbelief as Knox stared slack-jawed at his brother. "Ed, you're incorrigible."

"I love you too, Al."

"I've never heard of a case where someone who's blind _or _deaf becoming so-"

"C'mon doc, aren't ya gonna fix my leg? I need it to walk on! I called you and not my mechanic!"

"Technically Ed, _I _called him," Roy muttered.

"Well, fine, whatever. But I would've called him if I could!"

Knox shook his head and got his supplies out for the minor surgery. He tentatively tapped out a Dorset message to Ed's chest as he'd seen Roy do, though he was rusty from years of disuse and mixed a few letters up and forgot others altogether.

"Hell, when was the last time you used Dorset?" Ed muttered, eyes flickering back and forth as his mind worked to fill in the blanks and decode what Knox _meant_ to say. "Hum...how...I pick up on emotions, usually. Feelings. I can pick up really well on shock, because people aren't expecting that reaction and it's like it's blasted out. And fear and alarm, usually for the same reasons. I like laughter better though; that's usually pretty strong. More subtle emotions, I have to be paying better attention."

_Empath?_

"I guess I've turned into one. Pretty neat, huh?"

_..eah._

"Oh, right, you forgot how to do Y." Ed took Knox's Dorset hand and gently tapped the sequence for the letter. "Better?"

"It's been way too long since I've used this language," Knox complained, though he was wearing an obvious smile. "And now I'm being retaught by a man who can't see or hear a thing."

"Thanks," Ed said in reaction to Knox's humbled energy; "for coming on such short notice."

"Ah, no problem, kid." _Though I'd ad-ise getting into less scurrles._

"...Scuffles?"

_Yeah_.

"Sorry, had to save the train. And everyone on it!" Ed grinned again, though it disappeared as Knox began work on his leg and he jerked away. "Ooh, uh, sorry; next time warn me when you start."

_I'm starting now_, Knox tapped to Ed with a grin.

"You're just as bad as them."

* * *

Dr. Knox did have me stitched up in mere minutes, just as Roy promised. However, I was graced with the privilege to stay put another few hours for a blood transfusion as well. Naturally, I complained, even though every point made to me was valid-staying seated aided in the fresh leg healing, the new blood _would_ make me feel better, I was still tired, my leg was still too sore to walk on anyway.

Still, I whined. Roy pacified me with soup. He's such a pleaser.

I love him.

He even snuggled with me, on the couch, and kept me company while we had an hour-long, Dorset-exclusive discussion.

I really couldn't have gotten anyone better than him for a partner.

With the company of my partner, my brother, and my Dorset-refreshed doctor, the time flew by and I was up and active again. I took the opportunity to first _bolt_ for the bathroom, smiling despite my pride as I felt everyone's laughter at my undoubtedly comical mad rush.

"You'd have to go too if you sat there for hours on end!" I said haughtily, though they knew I was joking.

I said my thanks and farewell to Dr. Knox and then I asked Roy for coffee. I wanted to spar with my little brother, despite my few stitches, because I felt _great!_ They both acquiesced my requests, and within the quarter hour, I was caffeinated and _so_ wired.


	67. Chapter 67

_To QueenWoofy_: I try to stay true to the characters, so thank you! There's still plenty more to come!  
_To Guest_: Stranger references have been made. Ed just 'made it up' because he's awesome.  
_To Nicolelovesray_: I'm sure trying to keep at it! I love these guys so they keep the story rolling!  
_To GalacticSpoon_: Or something like that. ;)

* * *

"How's his leg, Alphonse?" Roy called out to the brothers, having finished watching them perform such impressive sparring that they'd broken a good sweat despite the cold air.

"Better than mine," Al panted as he limped into the house with Ed freely in tow. "He got me really good with his automail!"

"I hope it was only an accident."

"I don't think he realizes how hard he kicked out. Nearly broke my tibia!" Once inside, Ed comically collapsed on the couch whilst Al stripped his shirt off in front of the blazing fire. The flames licked unique shadows across his glistening skin as he caught his breath from the intense workout.

"Keeping in shape?" Roy observed. "I suppose I'll have to work out more...maybe with your brother, seems to enjoy the exercise."

Alphonse turned his shocked gaze to Roy, too stunned to reply.

"...What? Is that crossing the brothers-only line?"

"You don't realize how that sounded?"

"How what-" It finally dawned on Roy, and he cried out in disapproval. "_Alphonse!_"

"What?! It sounded wrong!"

"Your brother and I don't do anything sexual!" Roy protested; "not that you have any say in it, he _is_ an adult now!"

Ed, who had been carefully peeling his own shirt off, paused with furrowed brows upon picking up on the sudden shift in energies.

"What am I missing?" Ed called out.

"Uhm, n-nothing!" Al stammered in reply, his energy matched by Roy who tried to quell Ed's sudden suspicion.

"Uh, just adult things, nothing interesting at all. I swear."

Ed opened his mouth to speak, then shut it with a sigh as he stripped his shirt off.

"You guys can tell me stuff, you know. I'm an adult, I can handle things."

"Well, we know that, but-"

"I know you guys have faith in me, and I know you already go through a lot just to communicate with me. But don't ever hide stuff from me because you think I can't handle it, okay? Except for milk. Always hide that poison from me."

Roy shook his head as Al snorted and stifled laughter.

"O-okay, brother. We won't."

"Except for milk," Roy confirmed humoredly. "Speaking of hiding things, Alphonse, a word?"

"Sure!" Al wiped the sweat from his glistening skin with a towel that had magically materialized. "Something wrong?"

"No, actually. Were you planning on staying in town for any length of time?"

"I have to get back to Risembool soon, why?"

"Your brother's birthday is next week."

"I know. He's going to be 20!" Al chirped proudly.

"I assume you won't be staying for the party, then."

"Party?"

Roy paused and glanced at Ed, knowing the blond always knew all too accurately what they were talking about.

"Maybe we should take this discussion to another room."

"Roy, he's..." Al trailed off as he remembered how well Ed picked out Edgar's name and avian of choice. "...I agree. Lead the way."

The two transferred two rooms over, Roy hoping they'd escaped Ed's empathic scope.

"So, you're having a party for him? What kind of party?"

"Well, a birthday one," Roy replied dumbly; "with me and my team and maybe a few other people."

"But, Roy, how will he enjoy it?"

"Really, Alphonse? He's proven his capabilities many times over."

"...Yeah, I guess." Al paused. "Will there be presents?"

"Of course! What kind of a birthday doesn't have presents?"

"It's just...well, he's blind, deaf, can't feel; what would you _get_ him?"

"Don't worry," Roy said with a sly grin; "we've found things."

Al frowned uneasily. "Should I ask what kind of things?"

"Probably not," Roy replied indifferently, humoring Alphonse. "But don't worry-nothing worse than your own brother's temperament."

"Somehow, that doesn't really comfort me," Al muttered. "It's too bad I'll miss it."

"Don't worry! I've asked the Lieutenant to take pictures, I'll send you some photos to let you know how it went!"

"Thank you, Roy."

"Of course! I'll even have Ed call you the day after."

"Sounds great. I just wish he could hear who's on the other end."

"Yeah, I've asked Fuery to look into something to do that, but he hasn't quite gotten it yet."

"That's alright. Until he does, you can translate for us, right?" Al smiled apologetically.

"I don't mind at all."

"Thanks, Roy. For being a good friend. And for taking such good care of my brother."

"Of course, Al. Now what do you say we rejoin your brother? I'm sure he's lonely-"

Right on cue, Ed called out lazily for food.

"Doesn't he know where the fridge is?" Al asked in confusion.

"Yes, yes he does. He's either very sore or very lazy at the moment."

"No, I'm very _comfy!_" Ed called from the couch, causing both able men to stare at each other in disbelief.

"Yup, that's my brother."

* * *

Alphonse stayed with us for a few more hours, mainly to chat with Roy and myself. Maybe it's silly, but it's easier for me to talk here. Is it because I'm back with Roy? Or because I'm _home?_

But, then Al had to go home.

I really wish we all lived in the same city. I bet I could learn the way to his house if he did-I learned the layout in here, so it shouldn't be all that hard! Of course, in here, it's safe with no people and no cars and small enough to catch my bearings if I get turned around...

As if to cement that reality into me, Roy dresses me warmly to take me out. Back into the world, back into public.

I wonder where we're going? I haven't asked. I have, however, complained about the cold, and about going out on my leg.

"I just had _surgery_, Roy."

_You had five stitches at the most._

"It's sore."

_Bruises are sore, but you can walk with them_.

"But at home it's warm and cozy!"

_You can't feel the air._

"Bullshit! When it gets cold enough, my whole body gets cold! And did you forget about the cold air going into my _lungs?!_"

_I missed our excursions._

Oh. Well, how can I be whiny to _that?_

"...Me too."

_Car_.

Huh? What does he mean? Oh, he placed my hand on the car door. I pull it open and slip inside, buckling in effortlessly before pulling the door shut. I feel the car shift under me and figure that Roy just got in-

_Good job with the door_.

"That's not sarcasm, is it?"

_No. You needed no help_.

"You're a good teacher." I feel vibration as the car pulls out onto the road. "And patient too. I mean I always thought you had patience only for making my life hell, and then you turn around and surprise me and end up being my boyfriend. Can you imagine-I mean-those years ago, did you ever imagine anything like this? Like us? Us having a future together?" I laugh, but not because I find it a joke. Because it's something _I'd _certainly never imagined, but it's the best thing to ever happen to me.

His reply is to only squeeze my hand. I almost ask for Dorset, but of course, he can't.

He's _driving_, Edward.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, but now we've stopped! Oh, Dorset!

_I always hoped we'd stay friends after you and your brother achieved your goals. I couldn't have foreseen our relationship, but I would never change it_.

"Neither would I. Whether the future holds real sight for me, or just a dreamed vision, it'll always hold you and I together. I love you, Roy."

_I love you too. You've matured so much_.

"I have?"

_Yes. Both in coping with your changed life and in your relationships. I would never think to hear romanticism from your lips._

"Oh, well uhm," I stammer; "y-you don't think it's sappy, do you?"

_Of course not. I love it when you talk dirty to me._

"Oh you ass!" I laugh and clutch at his arm as we finally exit the car. "So where are we? Where did you bring me?"

_Grocery store_.

"Oh. Same one I was at before?"

_Yes. Best prices, products and staff. I always buy our food here._

"For your dinners and my smoothies?"

_Sometimes you have my dinner, too_.

"Yeah I know. Ever have my smoothies?"

_Only when I'm really lazy or dead tired._

"How do they taste?"

There's just a moment of hesitation before he answers, and I can feel it-he's a bit saddened by the question. That he wishes I didn't have to ask the question; that I wasn't disabled. I just smile; it doesn't really bother me anymore.

_Fruity. A tiny bit of tang and bitterness, and a sort of chalky texture from added vitamins. But generally, it is tasty._

I mull this over in my head, formulating the flavor before shipping it off to my taste buds. I manage to taste it despite not feeling my tongue, or the absence of any of the aforementioned smoothie.

"Mmm, yeah. Okay, you're a good cook. You're hired."

_Well, thanks sir. I always aspired to have a job as personal chef_.

I snort in laughter before giving him a gentle hug and returning my sentiment.

"Smartass."

* * *

"It's so nice to take you shopping again," Roy hummed to himself, leading a content Edward around behind the cart. "And this time, you're a bit more clued in."

"Are we picking out your food first or mine?"

"Well, I scratch-cook most of our meals, so it's pretty much all in the produce section. Let's head that way now." Roy led the cart toward the fresh food, Ed catching on quickly.

"Oh, are we getting it now? Is it mine or yours?"

Roy parked the cart out of the way before explaining to Ed using Dorset what he'd already said out loud, ignoring the round of stares from their fellow shoppers.

"Oh! Makes sense," Ed muttered with a bit of a blush. "Boy, sometimes you must think I'm dense, to not figure out such obvious stuff."

_Only romantically, my dear Edward_, Roy tapped with a smug grin as Ed blushed even further.

"Oh just get our food will ya!"

"Yes, _dear," _Roy chuckled. He glanced at Ed's temporary fists before sidestepping, wary of his partner's temper. He was sure that Ed would sock him one if he pushed it too far, love or not.

"And don't forget the coffee," Ed mumbled. "I love morning coffee."

"I think tea has enough caffeine for you," Roy replied disapprovingly. Unfortunately, he could tell that Ed picked up on that.

"But Roy, I like morning coffee."

"You can't taste it."

"Are you gonna get it?"

_I'll get you tea. Less caffeine_.

"Why are we suddenly worrying about caffeine intake?"

_Tea is better for you._

"Well _you _drink coffee."

_You don't have to deal with bureaucratic political idiots every day_.

"Sure I do. I live with you, don't I?"

_I'm hurt, Ed,_ Roy replied just before pulling the blond backwards against his chest in a hug, grinning when Ed squeaked comically. _Point taken. I'll switch to tea too_.

"You always have to win dontcha? Well, I guess you know best. You do a good job of takin' care of me."

_Better than you could with all your senses I bet_.

"No arguments here!" Ed snickered mischievously. "And you don't even give me the chance to cause trouble."

_You manage it no matter what._

"Sorry, it's the Elric nature. Now let's shop! I wanna get home for snuggles _some _time tonight."

"Me too," Roy murmured with a smile, ignoring a glare one older woman shot them both. "I can save the smoothie making for tomorrow, because when we get home I'm putting my arms around you and-"

"You should be ashamed of yourself," the woman snapped at Roy, placing her accusing pointed finger right in his face. "To take advantage of a young man! You must be thirty years his senior!"

"Not even close ma'am, not that it's any of your business." Roy stepped away from the finger, moving between her and Edward. "Our relationship is mutual."

"Oh, sure, you'd like me to think that! You've merely brainwashed that poor man! I should call the authorities, he's clearly underage!"

"Ma'am he is turning twenty in a week," Roy growled in a warning tone; "so please leave and-"

"No! I refuse to turn a blind eye as you lie to me and continue to ravage that poor boy's innocence! Come here young man; you don't have to suffer with this heartless man any longer!" She reached around to Ed who had become more uncomfortable as she spoke, picking up clearly on the negativity.

"Roy hey what's going on?"

"If you lay a finger on him I'll have you arrested," Roy threatened, pointedly blocking Edward from her grasp.

Ed grasped Roy's arm as it wrapped protectively around him, frowning uneasily.

"Now see?! No adult man acts that afraid! You're the one who should be arrested for abusing that poor child!"

"He's turning twenty soon, he's not a child, and he's-"

"Oh for the love of alchemy Roy, just kick her ass and get it over with!" Ed snapped, forming his own fists.

The woman sucked in a shocked gasp, staring at Ed in horror and insult. "_Heathen!_ I am trying to _help_ you, traitorous child! I want to-"

"To disturb two happy men who only want to shop!" Roy cried in disbelief. "Now leave us be before I arrest you!"

"Who are you to arrest me?" She cried angrily. "I'll have you know my son is a god-fearing Lieutenant, unlike _you_ two bastard children!"

"Really? I believe he'd answer to a Colonel, _madam_."

"You're not-"

"I am, and I would prefer you taste my alchemy than simply a jail stay, but I must abide the laws as well as you."

"You wouldn't _dare_-"

"No but I _would!_" Ed snapped, and before Roy could catch and stop him, Ed flew forward and dropped the woman in a full-body flying tackle.

"Edward!" Roy yanked Ed off the woman by the collar, quickly reigning in his 'dog' of the military. "I can't take you anywhere..."

"Arrest _him!_" The woman cried, holding her arm as though she was in crippling pain. "Oh, my arm! My _arm!_"

"You're fine, you lying idiot!" Ed cried, staying loyally by Roy's side. He growled lowly. "She's lying Roy, I can sense it!"

"After _attacking_ me he accuses me of lying! Oh, my arm! I'll sue you _both!_"

"Then I will counter-sue you, you hag!" A woman cried from behind Ed and Roy, stepping up to the plate. "My eyes may not be the best, but I heard everything, and I know they were well within their rights for what happened! So you go ahead and _try_ to sue these wonderful young men and I'll personally make it my mission that they end up with _everything_ that you own!"

"Who are you to butt in you old bat?!"

"Someone who knows that these are two of the best-hearted men you'll ever meet! Because they're homosexual you think you can persecute them? Get out of this store before I tackle you myself!"

"Holy hell, what's going on Roy?" Ed asked with the biggest grin on his face. "Someone is throwing fire but it's sure not you!"

"Do you know who I am?!" The woman cried I protest. "Do you think-"

"No, I _know!_ You're just a loud, foul-tempered woman who needs a good tanning of the hide! Now get out! GET OOOUUT!" She shrieked, nearly scaring Roy as the woman ran from the store with amazingly painless flailing arms.

"Wow," Roy said a minute later once he could speak. "That was amazing, thank you so much. It's good to see you again, Mrs. Waters."

"Nobody should treat you two lovely young men like that just due to your orientation! Now I'm straight as a virile man's erection but I know that we're all human and have every right to live in peace!"

It was all Roy could do to keep his jaw together and keep the humor from his voice as he acknowledged her graciousness. "Thank you again. You've come to our rescue twice now."

"I'd do it all day if needed! At least this ol' lady can still be of some use." She squinted at Ed curiously. "Am I mistaken or is your young friend free of his stutter?"

"Correct," Roy said with a pleasant smile. "With advice from a friend, he's gained confidence that he can still speak clearly."

"That's wonderful! I'm glad you boys are so happy. I hope to see you both again soon!"

"I'm sure you will. Thank you for the company."

"Of course. Toodle-oo boys!" Mrs. Waters walked off with her shopping cart, leaving Ed staring expectantly at Roy.

"Okay, I sense just us now. Who said what and who ended it?"

"Oh, Ed, I don't have an hour to explain right now. Or the patience." Roy sighed as he tapped Dorset to Ed-

_Can I explain at home during snuggles?_

"...Alright, not an unreasonable request." Ed ran his hand down Roy's arm until their hands met. "Can I at least have a hug after all of that stress?"

"Oh, you never have to ask for that." Roy pulled Ed tightly to him, relieving the younger man of the tension. He was surprised by just how well Ed took the situation, as he'd heard the fear in Ed's voice when it began.

Ed _did _feel tense.

"You're no longer transmuting matter, now you're transmuting energy," Roy said in admiration. "Still without a circle, you gifted little shit."

"Call me little again," Ed said softly, squeezing affectionately around Roy's middle.

"You never cease to amaze me."

"I know I'm awesome," Ed grinned mischievously. "That's why you love me."

"And because you love my snuggles."


	68. Chapter 68

_To GalacticSpoon_: Ahahahahaha! I love the fangirling. Isn't Ed adorable?!  
_To PeinSaku_: LOL! Yes. Ed will never change.  
_To Nicolelovesray_: Aww! Thank you. :D Hope you enjoy the party! You did bring him a gift, right?  
_To QueenWoofy_: Ha! I know. But they've earned the right to talk that way. My grandmother isn't THAT bad, but sometimes.. haha  
_To hitsimitsi_: Did you use google to read my story? So cool! Thank you for reading and reviewing! Merci! :D

**A very Merry Christmas and Yule and just a great big winter wish to all! May your home stay warm and your bellies full on this night and every one after!**

* * *

"No, no, nooo..."

"Hm?"

Shuffling, rustling, whimpering.

"Edward...?"

"No, please, come back..."

"Ed, Edward." Roy gently shook Ed's shoulder, trying to awaken him. "Hey."

"Roy, Roy..." Ed reached out weakly, grasping for Roy in the dark bedroom.

"Ed, hey, wake up." Roy sat Ed up in bed, gently shaking him to awaken him. He stopped as he saw the dim moonlight reflecting off two dead golden eyes.

"Roy, Roy?!" Ed grasped Roy's chest as he struggled to stave off a panic attack. "Roy are you really-really there?"

"Yes. Of course." Roy pulled Ed's forehead against his own, making his chi more visible to Ed as he tapped Dorset.

_I'm right here in bed with you._

"Oh Roy, Roy," Ed gasped, his voice broken as he clutched tightly to Roy's shirt. "You left, you were gone, why did you _leave_ me?"

_Ed, I never left. We've been asleep together_.

"No, no no, you-you were gone, I was so tired and _starving_ and you were gone for weeks and you never came for me, you just l-left me alone and-and-and you weren't coming _back_-" Ed's stuttering dissolved into unintelligible speech as he broke into uncontrolled tears.

_Ed, Ed calm down_, Roy tapped firmly to Ed's chest. He waited until the blond settled down before continuing.

_I will never leave you. You just had a bad dream. Don't ever worry about me leaving you, that will __**n-e-v-e-r **__happen._

"But," Ed protested; "it was so real-it wasn't like a dream at all-I c-couldn't hear anything, couldn't see, couldn't _feel_ anything and you weren't _there_, there was only fear and-and loneliness and..."

_I'd never let that happen, Ed. You'll always be safe with me._

Ed sniffled brokenly, subconsciously blinking away tears that he couldn't feel.

"Y-you promise?"

_I promise_.

"I love you, Roy..."

Though Ed couldn't hear him, Roy replied. "I love you too. You'll always be safe with me."

* * *

I don't know how I got back to sleep after that dream last night. If it weren't for Roy lying beneath me to reassure me of his presence, I don't think I could have slept.

Geez, I hope _he_ got some sleep too...

I'm only a bit tired, but Roy gave me coffee anyways. I'm glad it's still pretty warm, as it's chilly this morning. Is it winter yet?

"Roy?"

He's still waking up. I can tell because he answers not with Dorset, but with a squeeze of my arm.

"Are we still in autumn?"

_Nod_.

"Oh. It seems to be stretching on this year."

_Nod_.

I let him focus on his awareness as I slip into thought.

I wonder how late into autumn we are. It's generally warm during the day, unless that's just how Roy keeps it for me.

Like a lizard in a terrarium tank. A pet.

That doesn't make me feel less of a person, oh no; I'm over that. Now, the comparison makes me snicker, because it's so ludicrous of an analogy.

How close _are_ we to winter? My birthday is only a few days before the solstice.

I wonder if Roy knows my birthdate?

Probably. Now that I think about it, he probably has to do paperwork and taxes and stuff for me and knows all of my information, including my social security number.

He is _really _dedicated.

Hm? Oh, he must be waking up. I felt his energy disappear from his spot at the table; I feel it again as he stops at the sink.

"Do you work today?"

Like phantom firefly traces, his energy disappears from the sink and reappears behind me.

I love it.

_No. I'm going to spend the day with friends_.

"Oh." I wonder if the disappointment was in my voice. "Anybody I know?"

_My team_.

"Oh! Treating them to lunch?"

_In a sense_.

"Are you being quizzical or something?"

_I might be_.

"Why?!"

_Why not?_

"Well knock it off!"

_You don't like it?_

"Well I-I don't know! It's confusing, okay? _Why_ are you doing it?"

_Just wanted to change it up a bit. Come on, shower._

"That would help wake me up," I admit. "Shave today too?"

_Of course_.

* * *

After our morning routine had finished, I tried to guess what we'd be doing with our day. I hoped it was close to home, or even _at_ home, because I'm feeling a bit lazy today, despite the coffee.

Oh wait, maybe that's just the lingering nightmare.

"Sparring?"

_I could never keep up with you._

"I'd go easy on you. Show you the motions! If my leg wasn't still a little sore, I could really show you some cool stuff."

_Can you still flip and maneuver like you used to?_

"Yeah. It works better on reflex though, or else my movements and balance are a little choppy."

_Because blind?_

"Yeah. I think my sense of feeling would help a lot too. Oh well; I can still kick ass!"

_I wonder if we can all tap into that sixth sense_.

"Well, everyone gets a gut feeling once in awhile. That's intuition, right?"

_Yeah. What's yours telling you?_

"Hm. _Should_ it be telling me something?"

_Maybe_.

I focus a bit less on the conversation and suddenly, I realize he's leading me to the back door. The one he's shown me but never used. I immediately dig my heels in once we reach it, stepping back.

"No."

_Ed?_

"I-um-we're not going _outside_, are we?"

_Just for a bit. It's about time you see the backyard._

"But," I protest, holding my ground. "But Roy-it's _new_ and-my dream was so real-what if something happens and we get separated?!"

_Ed, relax._ He pulls me into a hug and taps the Dorset now to my back, comforting me through my irrationally rational fears. _You can sense me. You won't lose me._

"But..."

_Come on, Ed. I promised you we'd be together._

"Y...yeah. O-okay." I allow myself a moment of weakness as I hug him tightly, using his comforting reassurance to strengthen me. "Sorry."

_Don't apologize for your feelings. We're humans, feeling is what we do_.

"...You're so sappy. I love that." I wonder if I'm blushing as I pull away and wait for him at the door. He says nothing about it, simply puts a coat on me, two shoes, and nudges me out of the house.

Where I am hit by a _wave_ of unified eagerness and joviality.

* * *

"Uhh, what was _that?_" Ed asked, stopping just short of the first step down with confusion on his face.

_The guys_, Roy answered with a huge grin. _They yelled surprise_.

"What? Why? Is it your birthday?"

_No, Ed. It's yours!_

"No, it's-wait, it's _mine?!_ It's my _birthday?_"

_Happy birthday Ed!_ Roy laughed at the utter slack-jawed shock on Ed's face.

"But-but I-when-"

_What, because you're blind, you think you no longer get a birthday?_

"Well I-I didn't really think about it-I mean-it's my _birthday_ today?!"

"He really didn't know?!" Breda cried through his laughter.

"He's funny even when he's sober!" Havoc joined in. "Which makes him better company than Roy, senses or not."

"Hey!" Roy cried in protest. "I'm good company!"

"Is there gonna be cake? I don't think I can eat cake. I can't even eat a banana. Or have you made something really weird like cake smoothies?!"

"No, Ed, I didn't-"

"Because I can see you doing something thoughtful like that, even though it's really stupid."

"He _does_ know you!" Havoc egged, chuckling as Roy was, once again, the butt of the joke.

_See if I'm thoughtful for you again._

"Aw, Roy, don't take it to heart. You're sweet and I love it. You just happen to be a moron sometimes."

"He is right, Roy," Riza chimed in, holding a small wrapped gift.

Oh, and was she ever gorgeous in that soft sweater and flowing scarf! Roy held his tongue that she was lucky he was in love with Edward.

"You guys are so heartless," Roy muttered.

"But we're at a birthday party and we brought gifts. How is that heartless?" Havoc protested.

"Jean, I'm almost afraid to ask what you got him."

"Well it's wrapped up right now..."

"Is it NSFW?"

"...That will be for you to find out."

Fuery had begun giggling by then and completely ignored Roy's disapproving glare.

"Well what kind of party is this? If you don't mind me asking. I mean-I can talk to you guys, but not a whole lot of much else." Ed's golden eyes glanced around, only picking up an ounce of focus when they landed on Roy again.

_We'll teach you_, Roy tapped to him. _We just might surprise you_.

"Can we start with food? I didn't eat yet, and I'm starving!"

_Have one of your smoothies_. Already with one on hand, Roy placed the cup in Ed's hands.

"This _isn't_ cake, is it?"

"Really, Ed?" _No_.

Ed seemed to pause and focus Roy's emotions before nodding his approval and making quick work of the smoothie.

_We do have cake though_, Roy tapped to Ed. _You wouldn't like it. One of the ingredients is milk._

"Smartass," Ed mumbled as he habitually licked his lips after finishing. "Are the guys eating it?"

_You have to blow out the candles first. I'll light them now_.

"You want me to blow out candles that I can't see?! You really _are _a-" Ed shut up as Roy snapped, his blind eyes flickering to the few candles as they blazed to life. "Oh, alchemy trace! I get it now." He leaned over the candles, but hesitated and moved back a bit.

"Is it too hot for his lungs?" Fuery asked in concern as Ed reached his left hand over the flames and held it there.

"I doubt it, they're such tiny-" Roy shut up as the whole group saw a tiny flicker from the candles dying just a bit before suddenly roaring back to life, experiencing a moment of sheer inferno before snuffing themselves out.

All by Ed's hand, and he never touched one candle.

"Aww, they're gone," Ed said sadly, snapping the others out of their shock. "I could pick up on the flames, I think. Like really faint energy. I tried to sense them more strongly and they disappeared. Did they burn out?"

"You have no idea," Roy murmured. "I may have to pass on my state title to you. Damn, Ed."

"He _is _really good at parties!" A cheerful voice rang out, startling everyone. Heads turned to see a very sheepish-looking Dr. Reed, announcing her arrival with a wrapped gift.

"Dr. Reed?"

"I saw in Ed's file that today was his birthday, and it was my day off," she explained. "And he's such great fun, I thought I'd drop off a birthday gift for him!"

"That's really nice of you," Roy replied with a bit of shock. "You're welcome to stay and enjoy the party with us!"

"Oh! Well thank you!" She placed her gift with the small pile of others, graciously accepting a piece of cake as Breda doled it out.

Fuery had a camera with him, loaded for the special day, and he nabbed the occasional picture of group entertainment-including when Roy placed a dot of icing on Ed's nose. The blond man was completely oblivious to it, even as Roy leaned in and licked it off, but he also snapped a shot of Reed giggling at the cuteness.

He caught another shot of Havoc handing Ed a bottle with a straw, and the mischievous grin on Ed's face even after he coughed from the burn of the alcohol.

"I'll never get used to that!" Ed laughed, but he sipped some more. "Well, it is my birthday, right?!"

"It is, and now it's time for.. " Roy began, and the others joined in, catching Ed off-guard with the sudden cheer of energy.

"_Presents!_"

"What, um, what was _that?_" Ed glanced around at everyone.

_Time for gifts!_ Roy tapped to Ed with a wide grin. _Whose do you want first?_

"Gifts? I get gifts?" Ed was both surprised and eager. "You mean there's things I can use?"

_Of course! We're all pretty smart, Ed. We always find things you can enjoy_.

"O-okay. Um, can we start with yours? I wanna see if you _did_ come up with anything neat."

"He never stops challenging you," Breda observed with a laugh.

"No, _never_. Every day something else, he's always a handful," Roy complained as he handed the poorly-wrapped lump to Ed, though they could see that Roy loved every bump in their relationship.

"They're both so obstinate," Havoc chuckled to Riza.

"Yes. A perfect match."

"Well what is it? Is it wrapped?" Ed was clumsily clawing at the package, easily tearing through the thin striped paper. "No clues is no fair, y'know."

_But you know everything,_ Roy tapped, Ed's fumbling of torn paper and black fabric slowing as he deciphered Dorset.

"Yeah, including that you're an ass!" Ed tried to squish the product between his hands to guess its shape, but all he could feel was a textureless, amorphous and unidentifiable mass.

_It's fabric_.

"Oh. Blanket?"

_Shirt_.

"You got me a shirt?"

_A black shirt_.

"...Oh."

Nobody missed the disappointment in Ed's voice, and he awkwardly held it up, as though gazing at it. "Well, I guess I could use another shirt..."

_It says something_, Roy continued, grinning excitedly when Ed perked up and pointlessly gazed more intently at the fabric.

"What? What does it say?!"

Roy read the text aloud just after tapping it to Ed-

"I may be blind and deaf but I'm not stupid like you!"

-and earned laughter from everyone, most of all Edward, who was nearly _crying_.

"You-you-okay I'll-I'll give it t-to you, y-you did good on that one!" He broke down into another round of laughter, almost falling over until he caught himself on Roy's arm. "Did-did you come up with that yourself?"

"Of course I did! You think I need help for _everything?_"

"Only things that take brains," Ed snickered expertly, ducking away from Roy as he sensed a gentle smack coming.

"Can't get me that easy, old man! I can outmaneuver you no matter how disabled I am!"

_Even if I take your leg?_ Roy teased, glad to see Ed took it as a mere flirting taunt.

"Only need one to kick _your_ ass!"

_I love you too. Here, Havoc said his next._

Ed took the small package from Roy, unable to see the neatly wrapped flat box. He ran his hand over it, trying to gauge its size, before running his fingernails over the surface to tear away at the paper.

The shreds of red paper laid at Ed's feet as the bottom of the box fell out and landed amidst the now-confetti, its contents still hidden by red tissue paper. He only noticed something amiss as the main weight of the package left his hands.

"Uh, did I drop it?"

_Most of it_, Roy answered, picking it back up. He held it up for Ed, guiding the blond's hand through the papery sea of red to withdraw the silken object for all to see.

"_Havoc!_"

Riza merely shook her head in disbelief.

"I shoulda seen that coming," Breda muttered.

Fuery stared agape at the object as Reed broke down laughing.

"What did-did you-_Havoc!_" Roy stared at the silky red boxers emblazoned with the words _Property of Mustang_ across the backside.

"Well _that's_ a rainbow of reactions," Ed muttered, glancing up at Roy. "What did he get me?"

_Gag boxers_.

"...Gag? Like...is that something..."

_Like a joke_, Roy clarified, putting the boxers back in the box. _They're red silk and the ass says Property of Mustang_.

"They say WHAT?!"

Ed's reaction cued a new round of hysterics from Havoc and Reed, to which Breda joined in and Riza tried not to laugh.

"You gotta-do I have to-I mean-" Ed's face was redder than his old coat and even Roy couldn't help but laugh.

_You don't have to wear them Ed,_ Roy reassured him. _You don't wear undies anyway_.

Ed snatched Roy's hand to continue their chat in silence. _They don't think we have, um_...

_Sex? No, Ed. Havoc is just being Havoc._

_Oh. Now I feel stupid._

_Don't. Havoc is the idiot, remember?_

_Right._ Ed grinned and squeezed Roy's hand lovingly before returning to spoken speech.

"Thanks Havoc, for the uh, unique gift. Heymans? I'll open yours now."

"Actually, it's uh, already set up." Breda jerked his thumb to a spot near the hedges, where his gift to Ed was already open, prepared, and awaiting inspection.

"What _is_ that?" Roy asked as he led Edward to it, staring at the shiny lump.

"It's brand new on the market!" Breda said proudly. "Can hold up to 200 pounds of weight, and I'm sure Ed is under that, even with his automail."

"So...it's...a seat?" Roy stopped just short of the thing, staring at it before giving it a gentle nudge with his foot. He jumped back when it gurgled and ebbed ever so slightly.

"It's called a waterball chair," Breda explained proudly. "A ball made of durable, watertight vinyl, filled with water and sealed shut. When you sit on it, the water moves back and forth when you move. I haven't tried them yet, I'm um, past the weight limit." He grinned.

"_Waterball_ chair? Well, that um, that _is_ new..." Roy leaned down and pushed experimentally on it, watching it undulate in response.

"Well? Come on guys, I've been listening to emotions, but I still have no idea what's going on. Is it something I can't use?"

_No, you can use it_, Roy reassured Ed. _I've just never seen one before_.

"Seen what? One what? Don't leave me in the dark, c'mon, what is it?"

_It's a waterball chair_.

Ed opened his mouth to reply before shutting it, gazing curiously at the chair. "Waterfall chair? What's a waterfall chair?"

_Ball,_ Roy corrected; _B. Waterball. It's a round vinyl ball filled halfway with water. You sit on it._

"Water...ball?" Ed stepped forward, gauging the location of the chair from Roy's spot next to it. He knew he found it when he knelt down, pressed on the surface, and the water inside moved around enough to gently jostle his arm. "And...I can sit in it?"

_Yeah. Weight limit is 200 pounds._

"Oh," Ed replied sadly. "It's for kids. I can't use it."

_You hardly weigh 200, Edward._

"I'm over 200, you moron! With my automail and muscles-"

_Ed. Ed, I weighed you on my scale yesterday. You're closer to 150._

"I'm..._how_ much?! I mean-I haven't weighed myself since I..since _that_ day but..."

_True. And since then your arm has returned to flesh and your muscle mass has severely been reduced. Not to mention you're still a bit underweight. You're fine, Ed._

"...Oh." Ed subconsciously ran a hand down his belly before turning to the chair again. "So...only 150, huh?" He gently knelt down, feeling for the chair before accidentally toppling into it. He froze completely as he laid on it ass-up and it moved beneath him, upsetting his balance compass repeatedly.

"...Okay, this feels neat." He attempted to roll and seat himself on it properly, but his balance combined with the odd motions of the chair landed him face first in the dirt with Roy scrambling to pick him up. "Uhhh, nobody saw that right?"

"Only everyone," Roy chuckled. _Not a soul._

"Liar," Ed grumbled with a smile. "It's gonna take some practice to use, but it's awesome. Thank you, Heymans!"

Breda grinned proudly as the gift procession passed to Riza, who took Ed by the hands and led him over to a wrapped box that was larger than him.

"Riza?" Ed smiled. "That is you right? Is your gift too big to bring over?"

_Correct_, she tapped to him with a smile, placing his hands on the box. _Your gift is large but sturdy and inside this box. So tear it apart!_

"Ooh." Ed gained a thoughtful and eager grin. "I get to rip it up?"

_Go ahead._

Ed nodded his approval, cracked his knuckles with satisfaction of the tiny twinge in them, and began his assault on the box. He clawed at it, tearing away first at the paper and then managing to scratch the surface of the cardboard. Satisfied that he'd at least torn off the surface paper-not that he was honestly sure there _was _any-Ed pulled his hand back and _punched_ into the box, the guys wincing for fear of what may be in the box and what Ed may be launching his fists into.

"So uh, what _did_ you get him, Riza?" Roy asked curiously. He quickly returned his gaze to Ed when Riza just shot him a glare.

"From how fast he's going at the box, you'll find out in only a minute."

True to Riza's words, Ed grasped at the cardboard, felt a slight give as he pulled, and suddenly yanked back on it. He lost balance and landed on his ass, tearing the cardboard box essentially in half as he went down with his steely grasp.

"I see fabric."

"Did I break it?" Ed quickly got to his feet, but had to grab the tattered box as his balance nearly gave out again. He proceeded to carefully peel away the remainder of the cardboard, slowly revealing a navy blue easy chair.

"Oooh, it reclines!" Breda announced. "That's a nice chair, you gonna get me one for the holidays?" He joked with Riza, and she just smiled in good humor.

"Okay so..." Ed ran his hands over the back, tracing down the arms, and then the front, sides and back. "This feels a lot like a chair. But why would you get me a chair?"

_It was one of your first triumphs,_ Riza answered. _So I got you one for home_.

"One of...one..." Ed furrowed his brows in concentration, easing himself into the seat cautiously. He leaned back enough to relax, felt that it was a raised-arm chair with noticeable give in the cushions, and it finally clicked. "Wait, is this..." He reached down with his right arm, made a few grabs, caught the lever, and yanked on it-sending his head back and legs up.

In contrast to his reaction the first time this had happened, Ed squealed out in delight.

"You got me a recliner! I love it! Thank you, Riza!"

_You're welcome. Is it comfortable?_

"Yeah it is. It must be nice and soft! Better than Roy's couch, even; all of my muscles feel relaxed!" He crossed his arms under his head, grinning. "Y'know, I almost forgot for a minute that I'm laying back in a chair in a backyard, outside, on my birthday. How nuts is this?! My life rocks."

Roy just smiled warmly as Riza facepalmed and helped Ed sit up. _Think you can stay awake for more?_

"Who's left? Kain?"

_And Dr. Stein,_ Roy answered him, raising his eyebrows as Ed nearly jumped.

"She's here?! Dr. Stein! Hi! I didn't even-welcome to my party!"

"Oh goodness! He's so enthusiastic today!" Reed squeaked like a fangirl.

"Yeah, I've _never_ seen him quite so cheerful."

"Clearly, you don't have a wonderful special someone in your life," Mustang preened proudly, glaring at Breda and Havoc as they laughed-and then just muttering in annoyance as Riza joined in with snickers.

"Well okay, I'll take hers next!" Ed said with a grin. "And yes Roy, I love you no matter what they say. He's almost as awesome as I am, so be nice, guys." Ed held his head high, as though daring anyone to challenge him.

"He is _really_ good at that," Kain murmured as Reed handed a wrapped box to Ed.

"Ooh, small box, but a little heavy! Okay..." Ed carefully opened it up, managing quite well to get his fingers inside the paper and flaps for not being able to feel them. With a bit of fumbling and the miracle that must exist in the Elric genes, Ed suddenly dropped everything but managed to snatch the gift itself out of the air before it hit the ground, amazing everyone. "Oh! Did I drop it? Did I _catch_ it? Awesome."

"Yeah, you did, that _was_ awesome." Roy gazed at the gift and helped Ed to open it up, revealing a flat white vinyl pad about four feet long. "...Okay, I can't tell him what this is until you tell _me_ what it is."

"It's a back massager," Reed said after stifling a giggle. "You lay it across where you sit," she demonstrated with Ed's new recliner; "you plug it in, and then press this button. It rolls little rotating heads in circles on your back."

"Oh, I've seen those!" Havoc exclaimed-

"I've _used_ those, they're awesome," Breda added.

"Oh, I guess he can't test it out here then, no power," Roy said sadly.

"I think there's actually a battery option too..." Reed checked it, then grinned. "Yep! And they're included too. I love this company!"

"Oh, good! Ed, try this." Roy sat the confused and compliant Ed down in the chair and hit the button, nearly getting a faceful of blond hair in his face as Ed jumped out of the seat.

"Whoa whoa no _warning_ what _was_ that?!"

_Massager_, Roy explained, coaxing Ed back into the pad. _Dr. Reed got it for you. Chiropractor approved._

"Oh." He sat there as it worked, visibly relaxing more and more the longer it ran-and they could see it wasn't just from adjusting to the thing, they could tell it was working so well that it was putting him blissfully to sleep!

_Ed. Edward. Ed_.

Ed blinked his eyes open as Roy nudged him repeated. "Huh? Yeah?"

_Do you remember what's going on?_

"Um...no. Yeah? Massager. Dr. Stein?"

_Your birthday?_

"Uh-huh."

_Party._

"Oh."

_It's not over yet_, Roy sighed as Ed _still_ hadn't caught on. _Wake up_.

"Oh." Ed reluctantly stood from the chair. "So...oh, _oh!_ I almost fell asleep in the middle of my party?!" Ed blushed as he felt the humor from everyone laughing. "Okay, well, um, sorry. I-I really like the massager. Is it built into the chair?"

_No. It's a pad you sit on_.

"Oh. So I can use it on other chairs! Thank you, Dr. Stein!"

"You're welcome Ed!" Reed beamed proudly as the attention turned, finally, to an eager Kain.

"I got him an emergency call button," Kain said proudly, causing everyone to stare at him in confusion.

"A what?"

"An emergency...um, I designed it. I can hook it up to the phone here at the house...he just has to pick up the receiver and hit the button and it'll dial the number programmed into it. I have it set to your office at work, sir, I just have to install it!"

"You...it...but he can't use the phone."

"He can't hear through the receiver, but this will allow him to call out in case of an emergency. He can call _you_."

"You..." Roy stared at Fuery in shock. "Really?"

"Yeah. I thought this would be something good to have-just in case Ed was really sick or needed something."

"Wow, Kain, that's...amazing! That _is_ something we need. Did you want to explain it to Ed?"

"Sure!"

"You're faster than I am, anyways."

"Even with all that practice?" Kain smiled and explained to Ed just what the technological birthday gift was and could do, the golden eyes widening every second.

"So you mean I just have to hit a button-"

_Pick up the receiver first_.

"Pick up the receiver and hit a button-and I can call Roy?!"

_You won't hear him, but he'll hear you_.

"That's still _amazing!_ You're a genius, Kain!" Ed yanked Kain to him in a hug, just about suffocating the shorter man. "Thank you."

"Of-c-course, Ed," Kain laughed, panting as he finally was released and could _breathe_ again. _I'll set it up before I leave. Now let's enjoy the party!_

"Yes! Yes, good idea. Great idea! Jean, where's that bottle of alcohol?!"

"Oh, hell, here we go again," Roy muttered, shaking his head as the birthday boy got his latest wish.

* * *

After enough alcohol to get Ed drunk enough that he could no longer understand Dorset, he introduced Ed to the last thrill of the party: the bounce house.

It had taken pulling some strings, as the darn thing had just recently been invented and was still passing safety regulations in certain areas, but he managed to get it approved just in time for the party.

When Ed first got in it, he just let himself fall over without questioning his balance, or lack thereof. He barely was able to stand due to the uneven floor and alcohol, despite Roy there to keep him standing.

"What the hell are we doing now?!" Ed had proven his coherency enough to let on that he was paying attention and knew that something had changed, that something _new_ was going down.

Not that Roy could tell him, due to the alcohol.

That was alright with Roy, though-a part of him missed the days when they figured things out together without Dorset. With ingenuity and intuitive communication.

"Geez the floor isn't even is it?!"

Roy had Ed bounce up and down on the inflated floor, bouncing a bit with him, until Ed figured out that they were _supposed _to be bouncing. And then Roy had let go of Ed, and the idiot fell on the floor, rolled around as he tried to get up, and just started rolling around purposefully _to _bounce off.

"What if I fall off this thing?!"

To answer his question, Roy pushed Edward into the inflated wall and watched him fall back and harmless hit the floor once more.

"I love this thing!"

As the other party patrons partook in pleasant discussion, Roy and Ed played together in the bounce house. Roy teased Ed and kept him safe and company as the blond flew around, chased Roy, and bounced his body around just for the fun of it.

Ed would later claim that despite having no senses at all, he'd never had a better birthday.

He was silly drunk and acting like a four-year-old in a giant inflatable entertainment device _meant_ for four-year-olds, but he was the happiest man in the world.

At the end of it all, he finally collapsed in fits of giggles and laughter from having the _best_ time of his life.


	69. Chapter 69

Thanks for the reviews guys, I get all warm and fuzzy inside every time I read them! ❤

* * *

"Why does my job _still_ involve so much paperwork?" Roy sighed and signed a document he'd just read, feeling like he was several brain cells short from when he'd began. "I need a vacation."

"Your vacation was yesterday sir," Riza answered him as she laid another thick stack on the pile he already had, earning a frustrated groan.

"Yesterday was _Sunday_, Lieutenant. That's hardly a vacation."

"You had two days off."

"And I was birthday planning for one of them, so it-oh come on, it was a _weekend_, that still doesn't count!"

"You certainly seemed to party enough for having an entire week off."

"I don't even get time off for _my _birthday."

"You got time off for mine."

"Yours was on a weekend too."

"We blondes are the lucky ones." Riza smiled and walked off, leaving Roy to stare dismally at the extensive pile of paperwork ahead of him.

And it all needed to be finished _today_.

"Ed doesn't realize how lucky he is," Roy muttered; "he never has to do another piece of paperwork agai-"

He jumped as his phone rang and snapped him out of his wallowing. He straightened up and answered formally, keeping all annoyance out of his voice.

"Colonel Mustang spea-"

"Roy?" The voice on the phone was hesitant, but it was obvious who was calling.

"Ed? Ed are-"

"I don't know if this phone thing is working, and you obviously can't tell me if it is but...well...I just called to test the system Kain installed. I wanted to be sure it worked. And, um... I just...I also wanted to say I love you." There was a pause on the other end long enough for Roy to smile fondly before Ed suddenly cursed and began fumbling to find the button to disconnect the call. Ed's words could be heard faintly only moments before the line went dead. "Shit-I hope it was Roy that answered!"

Roy hung up with a laugh, returning to his paperwork with an inerasable smile on his face.

For once, he was going to enjoy his workday.

* * *

Roy arrived at home to find Ed napping peacefully on the couch, his blond hair tied back a bit lower than Roy had left it in the morning.

"You redid your hair, all by yourself?" He stepped forward and almost _pounced_ on Ed, halfway laying on top of him and reaching for his chest. His reward was a startled Edward immediately ready to defend himself against an unknown attacker, but Roy had his arms and legs pinned and had just gotten the first Dorset in before Ed got a fist free.

Ed's eyes widened in realization and his fist relaxed, coming to rest on Roy's arm as he deciphered the Dorset from his partner.

_I love you too Ed. It was nice to hear from you at work today_.

"Oh...oh thank goodness," Ed replied with a tinge of red to his face; "I realized _after _I said it that someone else could've answered the phone."

_Only myself and Riza are authorized to answer it, you can relax._

"So Riza could've heard, huh?" Ed blushed a bit more at the thought.

_She's heard worse from me, Ed_.

"Yeah, but, that's you. You're a moron and a hopeless romantic. I'm a respectable badass."

_And my sexy young gay boyfriend_.

"Oh go to _hell_, Mustang."

_Only if I can drag you with me_.

"At least I'll be used to the fire." Ed reached up, hooked his arm around Roy's neck, and pulled him down for a kiss.

* * *

Roy decided to drop by home around lunchtime to check on Ed the next day, as Ed hadn't called in yet, not that he was required to.

He found Ed, of all places, lying on the floor with the back massager under him, plugged in and switched on.

He looked blissfully unaware of all the world around him.

"Glad to see you're enjoying your gift. Maybe I'll try it out later."

Ed made no motion that he'd acknowledged Roy's words or his energy signature, simply kept that stupid grin on his face.

"I bet you'd be embarrassed if you knew I caught you like this." Just to prove his point, Roy nudged Ed's foot with his own before disappearing into the kitchen.

He was halfway through eating the sandwich he'd just made before Ed wandered out cautiously, eyes searching for what only the mind could see.

"Hello? Is-Roy?" He targeted on Roy finally, honing in when Roy's humor grew. "Aren't you home early?"

_I came for lunch_, Roy answered. _Join me?_

"Uhm," Ed began nervously, pink appearing in his cheeks. "You didn't...see what I was doing, did you?"

_Enjoying your birthday gift? Relax, there's nothing to be embarrassed about._

"I bet I looked like an idiot..."

_What are you talking about? I'm the idiot in this relationship, you remind me all the time. _

"You have a point. So you don't think I looked silly?"

_You looked happy. That's all I care about_. Though Ed couldn't feel it, Roy traced his hand down Ed's face lovingly. He paused when Ed's hand reached up to touch his gently.

"I love you too, Roy."

_You knew my hand was there?_

"I may not have a sense of touch, but some things you can just feel." He smiled softly-quite unlike the temperamental young man Roy used to know-before gazing up at Roy's dark eyes with his deep golden ones.

Blind or not, they showed the world.

_You know what I love about your condition?_

Ed's eyes flashed confusion before narrowing in suspicion as he asked for clarification.

_You've always been so easy to elicit a reaction and so quick to react. But now I get to watch your reaction delay due to Dorset interpretation._

True to Roy's explanation, Ed's reaction to the statement _was _delayed as usual by Dorset. He gave a half-glare but couldn't keep the smile at bay for long.

"You're an asshole, you know that? Getting such joy out of my disability like that. I oughtta walk out on you right now." Before Roy could say or tap a word, Ed added to his words. "-And end up right in traffic!"

They both laughed at his joke, Ed picking up on Roy's humor and sinking into a full-blown wack attack. As he calmed down, he picked up on sudden dread from Roy.

"What's wrong?"

_I just looked at the clock. I'm going to be late. Hawkeye will kill me!_

"Just tell her I was lonely and didn't want you to go."

_But your pride!_

"I'm willing to take a hit so you don't get into trouble."

_Aww, you do love me._

Ed gave Roy a hug before nudging him away. "Maybe just a little bit. Now get your ass to work before she shoots us _both!_"

* * *

I love my birthday gifts. I call Roy almost every day with his new invention, although once he was at a meeting and Riza answered and received an I-love-you. When Roy told me, I told him to tell her that I do love her, too. He jokingly threatened to break up with me. I knew he wouldn't, because he'd never find anyone as awesome as me.

_Ha_.

Not that I don't think I'm not awesome. I don't want to be arrogant, but I think I'm pretty damn cool. I was before I lost my senses, and I've overcome them so well that I'm proud to think of myself so highly again.

Sure, I _do_ need someone to take care of me, but that's beside the point.

I can feed myself, defend myself, communicate with others-sometimes with just _emotions_-and I'm one of the rare people who knows the truth of witches and unicorns!

How awesome is _that?!_

Roy just left for work today. I'm sitting in the waterball chair and allowing my mind to drift as the seat undulates gently beneath me, moving me around enough that it feels like a wild ride-like that one time I drove a car.

Alphonse will _never_ let that go.

I snap my mind back to the present, and my plans for the day. Roy has _just _left, okay maybe five minutes ago, but it takes him about fifteen to arrive at work.

He lives surprisingly far from HQ.

I slide off of the chair-more like _tumble_ as it squashes beneath me-and shoot up, trotting off for Roy's office. Once inside I skid to his desk and hit the phone button to call his office.

There's no way to tell if someone actually picks up on the other line. Luckily though, I can usually tell with my sixth sense-and I grin as I just _know_ Riza answered.

"Riza? It's Ed. I need to talk to you about Roy in private. Think you can slip away for lunch?"

Unfortunately, my sixth sense doesn't cover the reactions of people over the telephone lines-at least, it's only _rarely_-and I receive no confirmation or denial from her.

"I guess I'll find out later today. See you!" I disconnect with another press of the button before scampering off to stop being lazy and try to work out.

Blind or not, I am still a little wary of my physical image, and I don't like being seen as underweight or _scrawny_. I'm gonna get my muscles built back up.

Even though I know I'm gonna feel it tomorrow...

* * *

I didn't even make it to tomorrow. After a short workout, I ended up tired, sweaty and laying on my back with my legs up on the couch.

I _am _out of shape.

Still panting, I freeze in surprise as my next inhale is filled with alarmingly _cold_ air. I would scramble to my feet if I had the energy, but instead I just focus on what's around me.

"Hello?"

_Ed. Riza. Do you have a fever?_

"Fever? What? What makes you say that?"

_You're hot and sweaty and your face is red. And you're upside down._

"Oh! I was just exercising. I uh, managed to get pretty lazy lately." I push myself up to sit on the couch, patting the seat next to me. I feel my weight shift ever so slightly as the cushions depress under her weight. "Did Roy come?"

_No, I'm alone. Is everything alright?_

"Yeah! I just...need your help. I want to get Roy something nice, or _do_ something nice for Winterfest, but I'm not sure what he wants, or needs, or what I can do."

There's a definite length of silence, and I wonder if she's annoyed that I called her away from work for this.

_Well_, she begins; _have you tried ice skating?_

"As unsteady as I am on my feet already? You want to add ice and skates? I'll either break my ankles on the skates or my face on a wall or tree as I fly into it!"

She's laughing.

_Roy could keep you upright_.

"Scrawny or not I'd drag his ass down with me!"

_More _laughing. It feels good. It makes me feel happy.

"Is there anything I could alchemize him? Anything he's been mentioning that he wants to do with me?"

_Other than being your sparring student?_

"Oh, he really wants me to teach him?"

_He's always admired how you jump around_.

"Well, I'll get on that then. But I'd still like to do something more for him for Winterfest."

_Maybe you could bake him a pie._

"...you know, that wouldn't be easy, but it wouldn't be entirely impossible either."

_I can't admit I was serious. How do you plan to bake a pie? You could burn yourself._

"Yeah... And I could burn the pie, too!"

Another wave of humor from her before it's suddenly subdued. I think she's trying not to laugh.

"So either way, I'd need supervision. Man, what I wouldn't give to have sight again."

_Roy's always bragging about how well you get on for not having your senses. Most of us believed it was impossible for you to be alone during the day while he worked._

"He saw more in me than anyone else," I say softly. "And he loved me enough to follow through on it, despite my ignorance of who he even was."

_He made the right choice. You're stronger than ever and you two make a good couple_.

Oh man, my head just got warm. I must be blushing like an idiot.

"Th-thanks. Um, we try. I think."

_Well, ice skating and a pie is out. How about a sleigh ride on Winterfest Night? I hear we're supposed to have snow early this year._

"A...sleigh...ride? You mean, drawn by a horse?"

_You don't like horses?_

"Well, it's not that. I've ridden a unicorn already and they're almost the same. But I wasn't sure what you meant."

_Cars don't draw sleighs just yet._

"Funny," I grumble as I lean back. "I like that idea. It'd be a new type of locomotion for me...and we can snuggle while we ride."

_Shall I make reservations for you?_

"Oh! Yes, please. That'll be a fun outing for us."

_And afterward you can warm up with cookies and cocoa_.

"But I can't eat-"

Cookies?

"That's a _great_ idea! Cookies will be easier than pie, will you help me make them?!"

_How can I say no to all of that Edward excitement?_

Oh man, she's got me blushing again! Regardless, I lean over and hug her in thanks.

"You're awesome."

It's only as she returns my hug that I remember how sweaty I am.

Oops.

* * *

"Okay, he'll be in meetings all day today. Good."

Riza made her way to Havoc's desk, looking down at him expectantly.

"Lieutenant. I'll be sure to hand the Colonel your papers."

"Good. And everyone else?"

"Will diligently and convincingly play along. You feel better, ma'am. I'll make sure he doesn't leave the premises."

"Thank you." Riza left the office, putting on a facade of tiredness and illness until she reached her car and drove off for Mustang's home.

It's _cookie time!_

* * *

Riza had let herself into the Mustang residence and woke the napping Ed, explaining what today was. He had excitedly headed for the door and fumbled to find his coat, still cheerful as Riza had to find it for him anyways and dress him warmly to take him out.

"Does Roy know we're leaving for your house?"

Riza shook his head _no_ as she led him to her car.

"Oh. What if he gets home and I'm not here?"

_Meetings all day_.

"And you left work?"

_Pretended to be ill._

"You're sneaky. I like that."

She smiled and helped Ed into the unfamiliar car, buckling him in and closing the door before elegantly sliding into the driver's side and gently taking off. She was careful to make the drive smooth, as she didn't want Ed having a bad time with her driving as he once did-

"I thought you drove more wild than this. Come on, take me for a ride! Give me a thrill!"

"You want a wilder ride?" Riza shifted gears and glanced in her mirrors before leaping into the faster lane, speeding to avoid a red light, slamming the brakes when someone cut in front of her, and spinning the wheel to do a full 270 spin complete with a sudden reversal and halting of motion to end up in her parking spot.

Ed stared at the window dumbstruck before he finally fist-pumped.

"_Yeah! _That was _awesome!_ I'll teach Roy how to fight and you teach him how to drive!"

_No more anxiety from you, I see_.

"Hell no! I'm over that. It was annoying as hell. Never knowing where I would freak or what about because I didn't know what's going on. I mean, even if I couldn't magically pick up on stuff now, I still think I wouldn't get panic attacks. I've learned to live in the world how I am. And I think I'm doing alright." He managed to slip the door open and unbuckle himself with surprising speed and grace, proving his point and impressing his company.

"I agree with you completely, Edward. You always were doing the impossible." She led him inside her home, leading him straight to the kitchen table where she already had supplies set out.

"So what are we doing first?"

"First we-"

"Oh wait where's your bathroom? I don't know this house at all, and I think your driving made my bladder jump into my chest."

"Uhm." Riza held in laughter as she led him toward her bathroom, leaving the skivvy-less man to his business in privacy. There was quite a bit of knocking and fumbling after the flush before Riza heard the sink faucet turn on, and she had to commend his determination.

"Ready?" She asked as he exited, surprised when he grinned eagerly.

"Yeah. Let's go make cookies!" He walked ahead of her, retracing the steps to the kitchen. "What kind of cookies are we making?"

_Sugar cookie and gingerbread. Roy goes nuts for gingerbread_.

"He does? Really? Why?"

_Must be the spices._

"I bet he likes to drink it with _milk_, right?" Ed said in enunciated disgust.

_Especially with milk_.

"Ewwww. Well fine we'll make the cookies but I'm not going anywhere _near_ that nasty _udder juice_."

Riza managed to hold in another giggle as she sat the mixing bowl in front of him.

"I suppose telling you that milk is an ingredient would be a bad thing." She measured out the correct amounts of dry ingredients, dumping them into the bowl, then moving onto the wet before finally handing Ed the whisk.

"Huh? 'Joo put somethin' in my hand?"

_Whisk_.

"...W-h-i-s-k. Whisss...k? What's a whisk?"

"You never knew what a whisk was?!" Riza hung her head in a fashion usually reserved for her boss before explaining the kitchen tool to Edward.

_Mixing tool. Handle with wire loops coming out._

"Wire loops..._oh!_ I think Winry has one of those! I think mom did too," he added in a more wistful tone, pausing before returning to the present with practiced attention. "So, you um, want me to stir?"

_Yes._

"I guess I could try."

Sure enough, Ed's very first stir was a bit over the top, resulting in powdery flour in the face for Riza. He luckily stirred like a normal person for the rest of the time, giving Riza a chance to get cleaned off before she laid out a rolling surface for the dough.

_Done_, she tapped to him, earning a smile.

"That's all it takes for cookies? Winry makes this look a lot harder."

_There's more. Now we're going to roll out the dough_.

"Okay. Are you doing it or me? Because it has to be even right? How can I get it even?"

_We'll do it together_.

Ed gave a small approving nod as she took the dough from the bowl, moved it to the rolling surface, and joined both their hands around the rolling pin. As they rolled, Ed offered up soft conversation, telling Riza about his favorite holiday symbols of Winterfest and what he thought the season represented.

_You're absolutely right_, Riza answered as they finished. _It's about family and celebrating the season's gifts_.

"What's your favorite symbol?"

_Lights_.

"Lights? Like, light bulbs?"

_And candles. I love how people decorate with electric lights and candles to light up the dark and bring warmth to our hearts_.

Ed smiled warmly, clearly touched by the moment of friendly intimacy. He thought back to memories of light displays he'd seen in the cold season, and missed that he wouldn't see them ever again. However, after he found himself lost in memory, he straightened up and spoke a bit loudly.

"Well, I like snowflakes best. They're a quintessential symbol of the season, and geometrically perfect and intricate. And uhm," he continued with a blush; "it didn't snow much in Risembool. I always loved the snow."

Riza hadn't missed the sadness on Ed's face, but she only gave him one reassurance-

_Don't worry, it snows plenty in Central_.

"I thought it was just rainy here."

"As a matter of fact..." _It may be snowing right now_.

"Is it?! Can you check?!"

Riza pulled the curtain back enough to see that it had, indeed, begun to snow. She relayed this to Ed, watching his eyes grow big with excitement as she tapped.

"Great! There will be snow on the ground for Roy and I to go on that ride!"

"If it slows down. It's looking pretty windy out. It's coming down hard..."

"What do we do next for the cookies?"

_We cut them out!_ Riza replied, returning to the activity at hand. _Do you want to do some?_

"Cut out some cookies? You mean with cookie cutters? But, um, I can't see where the dough is... What if I miss? Or hit the edge?"

_There's a lot of dough. You'll get a few. I can reroll what's left and cut again._

"Oh you can? Okay! I'll try a few. Got a snowflake?"

_Only one, but there's more outside._

"You have more cookie cutters out-" Ed stopped himself as he realized that Riza meant _real_ snowflakes. "Ha! Funny," he grumbled only because he _had_ fallen for the joke.

_It's in your hand and the dough is in front of you. Punch one out_.

Ed carefully positioned his right hand over the dough surface, but was interrupted by Riza again.

_Aren't you left-handed? I put it in that hand_.

"Uh, I am. But Roy usually puts stuff in my right..." Ed trailed off, paused, then grinned like a fiend. "You're smarter than he is! He'd be screwed without you backing him up at work!"

"You are absolutely right, Edward." Riza smiled and watched as Ed pressed the cutter down, making one perfect snowflake. As he lifted it up, the dough fell out and landed gently atop the remaining dough. Riza snatched it out of the way just before Ed made a second snowflake and continued on in this fashion for six of them.

"Don't you wanna make any?"

_Of course_, she replied to him. _I can fit the light bulbs between the snowflakes_.

"Are we gonna make other shapes?"

_Of course_.

Together they cut out and baked dozens of sugar and gingerbread cookies in all shapes, from the lights and snowflakes to evergreen trees and cottage homes and snowmen. Ed drizzled a few gingerbread cookies with white icing stripes and swirls while Riza carefully drew designs on them, outlining faces and windows and details abound. By the time they'd finished, they had a beautiful array of cookies any baker would be proud of.

"I can't see but I think they came out good. How do they look?"

_Amazing. We should go into business together_.

"Roy would suffer without you and the country would fall into ruin. Sorry, I have to decline." He smiled and gazed at the array in front of them, wishing that he _could_ see for things like this. "Man, I can't even _taste_ them. My only cookie enjoyment nowadays is making them and giving them away."

Riza gazed at the cookies, taking one of them to taste it for the both of them.

_Is that enough?_

"...Yeah. Yeah, I guess it is." Ed leaned back in his seat, imagining the flavor of the cookies. "I can almost taste the cinnamon."

_They are delicious_.

"You're eating them?!" Ed suddenly cried as though she was committing a felony.

_Only one. We have about six dozen_.

"Oh, uhm, okay." He blushed a bit and apologized, but gave Riza no chance to reply as he felt a faint sense of dread hit him.

"Riza, Riza, something's wrong. Roy's worried about me. What's going on?"

"Worried about you?" Riza could see nothing wrong with Ed visually, or even fathom that Ed could sense anything from so far away.

Then again, he _could _tell when someone picked up the phone from miles away.

"Why though? I don't sense why. Riza, is he okay?"

_Hold on_. Riza stood and walked to the window to gaze outside for a moment, as she always found that to help her think.

She didn't have to think hard when she saw the weather.

The day's earlier gentle snow had turned into a howling blizzard with barely any visibility, and neither a driver nor a safe indoor pedestrian would be able to see more than two feet in front of them.

That's why Ed could pick up on Roy's concern.

It was nearly time for Roy to be home. But nobody could go outside in this weather. Roy feared Ed would be stuck home alone and have no way to know what had happened.

"Riza?"

Ed's small and frightened voice brought her back to their cozy little kitchen setup where Ed was fidgeting with the cleaned whisk.

_It's alright. It's a blizzard with no visibility. He must be worried about you being alone. I'll call him_.

"Blizzard? Blizzard?" He repeated, concern giving way to confusion. "You get those here?"

_Apparently_.

Even as Roy answered the phone, Riza could hear the worry in his voice.

"Colonel Mustang."

"Evening, sir."

"Oh, Lieutenant. Are you feeling better?"

"Much. I was feeling better a little while ago, actually. It's a good thing because when I saw the weather begin to shift, I thought it might turn to a blizzard-"

"Are you _always_ right?!"

"I try, sir. I picked Edward up and brought him home with me. I meant to call and tell you, but we were talking about winter."

"I was just worrying about him," Roy exhaled in a load of relief. "If he had to be alone all night without me...and if he tried to go outside and try something reckless like tracking me down!"

"I'd hope he wouldn't do that."

"But we both know Edward."

"I'm glad I brought him home, then."

"Tell him I might have to stay here all night."

"I will."

"And Riza?"

"Yes Roy?"

"I, um, promised him snuggles tonight. Tell him I'm sorry."

"...Not a problem, sir."


	70. Chapter 70

_To JDantes15_: Labels are just labels, differences are vast and infinitesimal at the same time. But that's pretty much how our favorite couple rolls. They just love each other in their own special way. :D  
_To Solomonssavior_: It's coming! But first snow. Lots of snow. Because I got snowed in. Have some chapter SNOW.  
_To QueenWolfy_: Ed's an extrovert. He needs lotsa interaction!  
_To DoomsdayBeamXD_: Holy crap. WAAAAALL of text and I love it. Thank you so much for the praise and love! And I love reviews of all length, the longer the better.

Bet you thought chapter 69 was going to have naughty in it. ;P Well, it had Ed, so that counts?  
Hope you guys like this chapter too!

* * *

Snowed in with a blizzard. This sucks!

Well, really, it's not _that_ bad. I just miss Roy. One night without him is nothing compared to the week in Risembool, but even with Riza offering to share a bed so that I don't feel alone-I kindly refused, because I wouldn't _sense_ him and it wouldn't feel right-I still miss the bastard.

I manage to slip off to sleep while thinking of Roy and all his buddies asleep in his office, all curled up around a raging fire on the floor, made out of Roy's paperwork and lit by the Flame Alchemist himself.

As soon as I awaken I'm able to remember where I am because I can feel where I'm _not_ and who's not next to me.

"Gingerbread snowflakes," I mumble nearly incoherently, just thinking of how tasty they must be.

_And sugar cookie snowmen_.

I jump as the Dorset arrives so quickly after I'd awoken-wasn't I alone on the couch?!

"Uhm, R-Riza?"

_Good morning. Did I startle you?_

"No, I just didn't know you'd be up already. Unless I slept in?"

_You and I are both used to an early morning work schedule, it seems_.

"Yeah. No work today?"

_It's Saturday_.

"Winterfest landed on a Saturday?!"

_No, Sunday. Today's the Eve_.

"Oh, r-right. It's not as easy to keep track of days as you'd think..."

_Even with senses! Roy sometimes comes in late on Monday because he thinks it's Sunday_.

"The old bastard is going senile!" I snicker at my own joke, but I can feel her smiling too. "Did he call yet?"

_Not yet. The roads have been cleared and the snow isn't too terribly deep. Travel is possible again_.

"Maybe he slept in?"

_I'll call him_.

I stretch as she leaves to call Roy. Minutes later I feel a strange sensation, as though I could feel Roy pick up the phone line even though it was _Riza_ who had called him, not me.

I _am _getting good at this.

Okay, Edward, if you're psychic now, let's make Riza rich! What's the winning lottery numbers?!

I don't think it works like that.

_You were right, Ed. He was still asleep at his desk_.

"He's gonna be stiff as hell."

_Have him stretch and spar with you._

"Good idea!"

_Do you want to shower here or home?_

Huh? She'd shower me?

Just thinking of Riza helping to bathe me-I don't know, I feel my face grow hot, not out of prudence but rather pride. Sure, I don't mind at all help from Roy or Al or even Winry-I am used to them being privvy to all my sensory lackings-but to have Riza bathe me?

"Y-you'd do that?"

_Why wouldn't I?_

"Well I mean you don't have to," I blabber; "It's not expected of you. Not that I don't trust you! But I mean, that wouldn't be weird for you? Because I'm a grown man. N-not that you haven't seen grown men naked before. Uhmmm, I-I assume! I mean... You won't think less of me, will you?"

O_f course not, Edward. You're the most capable man I ever met. You just can't feel the water. I'm happy to help a good friend_.

"...I love you, Riza. You're-" I feel the knot in my throat as I speak. "I'm so lucky to have such wonderful friends. I'm thankful for all of you."

_We enjoy your company too. Years ago and still now. _

"I wish I could do more for you guys."

_We saved the world together. That's enough for me_.

I laugh my agreement as she leads me to the bathroom by hand, as I'm still only able to pick up on the chi of several people.

I wonder if I would _see _more people in Xing? They're good at amplifying their energy there.

I'm able to flawlessly strip myself down to the bare skin and I can feel my body temperature drop rapidly, but it's still subtle to my organs and muscles. She aids me in stepping into the unfamiliar tub and I warm up quickly afterward.

Although I can't feel her massaging the shampoo into my scalp, I can. Imagination allows me to feel the pleasurable chill of a good head-scratching, and I allow her hands to wash me without protest.

She probably thought I'd want to do everything myself.

"Ever do this before? You're really good..."

Her only answer is a faint tinge of wistful sadness before she continues. I'm tempted to inquire further, but something tells me she doesn't want to talk about it. Still...

"...Did I touch on a bad subject?"

_It was a long time ago. Maybe I'll tell you sometime_.

I was right.

I remain silent and patient as she washes my back, massaging the lather into my skin and the stress from my muscles. She finally hands the washrag to me and I finish the bathing with proud independence, though I still need her to turn the water back on to rinse me.

_We've been friends for a long time, but I don't think we've reached this level of intimacy before_.

Her words catch me off guard and heat up my face faster than the Xerxian sun.

_I meant emotional intimacy, Edward. Romantic isn't the only variety_.

"O-oh. Um, o-okay. Sorry. But uhm, what did you mean?"

_You trust me enough to help you out_-

"I trust you with my life."

_I place the same trust in you._

She trusts me with her life? Really? Well, I _have _saved lives despite my limitations.

_I'd like to tell you about my brother_.

"You have a brother?!"

_Had._

"...What happened to him?"

_We were still young. He was three years older than me and he took me to the park, even though I told him we were too little. He wanted to get some ice cream, and dad didn't agree with spending extra money on ice cream. _

_We got our ice cream and were on our way home when Cory saw some coins in the road. He ran out to get them before he looked, and I followed, but I wasn't as fast as him._

_That's how the car missed me._

I remain silent as she pauses, but I can feel her squeeze my hand.

_He survived. But the doctor said he was very sick inside and wouldn't live very long. I believe he had internal hemorrhaging._

_Dad was away on business, so I took care of Cory. For three days I stayed with him and bathed him and fed him and was there for him as he slowly died. He was in a lot of pain from his organs and broken bones, but he never said he hurt. He was only twelve but-he was so strong-_

"So are you," I reply softly as she breaks off, turning to pull her into a hug. "I'm sorry you lost him. But you were the person he loved the most and I know he was glad to have you with him."

_He had long blond hair just like you, just like us. My heart was broken for a long time_.

"You were always the protector." I hugged her and held her until she pulled away and thanked me with Dorset.

_Thank you. Now let's get you home_.

I feel a sudden flash of alchemy that causes me to jump.

She doesn't _know_ alchemy, does she?!

"Riza?"

_Cleaned your clothes._

"But-I mean-you know alchemy?"

_Basic, yes. Only for certain housework. Don't tell Roy, he'd probably tease me_.

"Instead of doing his work."

_You do know him well_.

* * *

Riza pulled up to Roy's house just before him, sneakily stealing his parking spot and feigning innocence.

"I brought him home, sir. He didn't get cold once since you left."

"Thank you, Riza." Roy snatched Ed immediately into a hug, earning a small squeak and a blush before Ed's arms wrapped around him in return.

"It's good to see you again, Roy. Whassamatta, couldn't melt your way home?" Despite the numbness in his hands, he snapped his fingers quite well in a scarily accurate imitation of Roy's _uselessness_.

_Whassamatta, had to call Riza so you wouldn't be lonely?_

"Touché."

Riza bid them farewell and returned home, leaving the two men alone once more. Naturally, being the deaf one, Ed made the most noise and _whined_.

"I'm hungry. You have smoothies for me right?"

"Riza didn't feed you?"

"Riza and I were talking about winter last night. We played a game where she thought of a shape like a tree or a star or a snowflake and I tried to guess what she was thinking. I wanted to see if the clues I get are from unconsciously reading minds."

"And? How'd it-"

"I didn't get any of them right! At least, not until she spoke it, so she tells me. I wonder why that is?"

_Maybe you're not as omnipotent as you think_.

"Not omnipotent, omnipresent. I know which one I am."

_Not as awesome as you thought then?_

"How can you even question that? I'm ridiculously awesome!"

_Or just ridiculous._

"Ridiculously lucky to have everyone I do and these extra senses to replace what I lost."

_Now it's my turn to say touché_.

"Now go get me my breakfast, Mister Able. I'm hungry."

* * *

After we ate, Roy dressed me warmly. Though curious, I didn't ask why; I rather enjoyed the silent game of trying to guess what was going on.

Until my lungs were _slammed_ with cold air.

I should have known we were going outside.

"What are we doing out here?"

_Backyard. Playing in the snow_.

"Don't you have to see to do that? Or at least feel?"

_Nobody feels in this cold_.

"Understandable," I wheeze; "I can barely feel my lungs."

_Let's make snow angels_.

"Huh? Where you lay down and flail?"

I swear, I can almost _feel_ his facepalm.

_Yes, Ed. Gracefully flail_.

"I've never been known for my gracefulness, but I'll try." I take a few steps and lay down in the snow, feeling myself slowly sink in just a bit more and enjoying the sudden serenity of a snowbed.

This is peaceful.

With just a few jumping-jack motions, I assume my angel is complete. Roy lifts me by my arms and I step away from it, wishing I could see it and if he made one too.

I know, it's sappy, but I guess that's part of loving someone.

_Yours is better than mine,_ he tells me, as though he knew what I was thinking; but my face probably shows more emotion than I realize.

"I'm good at everything."

_And competitive_.

"Is that a bad thing?"

_Not always._

"Now what?"

_Being impatient, aren't we? You're supposed to be having fun_.

"I can't see what the hell I'm doing, and it's freezing out here."

_Do you wanna build a snowman?_

"A snowman?"

_It doesn't have to be a snowman_.

"What else would we build?"

_An igloo_.

"What's an igloo?"

_Really, Ed?_

"Shut up! Let's build a snowman."

Roy helps me start the base snowballs, and I roll them the rest of the way by myself. I have to admit, it was fun to roll them and try to keep by balance, only to fall when I'm gauging the size of them.

Soon we have three appropriately sized round masses of snow. He helps me lift and place them in the correct order-

'_There is no correct order!' _he tells me when I comment on that; '_beauty is in imperfection!_'

Well, that sure explains his alchemical technique.

He hands me some accessories for the snowman's face. I press them in to the best of my ability, able to aim well on the face but unsure if I articulated the object from my hand into the snow.

I have a feeling I wouldn't feel my fingers in this cold even if I _did_ have touch.

"How does he look?"

_He needs a scarf so he doesn't get cold_.

"He's a snowman, you idiot."

_I know! He's freezing!_

I can't wait to get inside where it's warm. I'm enjoying myself, but I'm so done with this cold.

"I'm naming him Olaf."

_Olaf?_

"It's a good snowman name."

_I didn't know you visited the snowmen village._

"Smartass."

_Olaf at the name for just a minute._

"What?"

_Olaf at you instead._

"_What?"_

_Olaf at the look on your face now!_

"Roy what the hell are you talking about?!"

_Olaf. I laugh. Olaf, I'll laugh._

"What are you-_OH! _You _asshole!_"

Despite his chi and my sixth sense, I land in the snow when I try to tackle him. Though I scramble after him, he evades me effortlessly.

It's gotta be this snow slowing me down!

Augh, I'm so _cold!_

Shouldn't my hot temper be keeping me warm?

Shut up, Edward!

The thought is knocked clear out of my head as it jerks back from unknown impact and I fall right on my ass. Surely with a dumb and confused expression, I blink and look around.

"What the hell was that?"

Another impact, more gentle this time, smacking my shoulder-then another in my chest!

"Roy what are you doing!"

Another slammer in the forehead that knocks me all the way to laying before I shoot up and scoop up some snow to defend myself.

"Don't make me kick your ass!"

Ooh, that one he got right in the gut.

What is he _throwing?_ I'll make him pay with these snow-

Oh.

He's throwing _snowballs_, you idiot.

Well if it's a snowball fight you want, it's a snowball fight you'll _get!_

I hurl one at him, though I've no way of knowing if I hit him. If my sixth sense is giving me any inclination to our frigid battle, I'm missing him every time despite chi tracking.

"Stand still ya asshole!"

He keeps pelting me with the snowballs, and it's pissing me off because this is an unfair one-sided battle-but I _am_ enjoying it, and I'm warming up just a bit in the process.

I chuck one at him as hard as I can-not that it matters, I always miss-but suddenly, the high vibration of energy suddenly halves and dissipates. No further snowballs hit me in retaliation, and I wonder only for a moment if I hit him before I recognize his chi is really faint.

"Roy?"

I stand still and wait for a change-a movement in his chi, a snowball to smack me, _some _sign from the universe.

All is silent.

"Uh oh. Uhm, Roy? Don't mess with me like this..." I make my way to the faint signal of his chi, kneeling down to find him slumped on the cold, snowy ground.

You've _got_ to be kidding me.

"I can't believe it. Did I knock your ass out with a snowball?!"

Of all the times I used to make fun of Roy for it, never has his uselessness annoyed me as much as it does now.

"Wake up, you dipshit! It's _freezing_ out here and you can't expect me to find my way inside!"

And drag him in too! If I knew where the door was, but...

Is there a fence around his backyard? Bushes? Any barrier at all? It would be helpful for guidance.

"_Roy! _Wake _up!_" I give him a good shake, even shove his face into the snow to try to shock him, but he is apparently-pun intended-out cold.

"You _suck_."


	71. Chapter 71

_To alonetogetherusyou_: Why thank you! I don't have a set number of chapters, I'm just telling the story until it reaches its close. It's not nearly there, but a big scene will be coming soon!  
_To solomonssavior_: Was there a rock? Or was there not? The world may never know. Perhaps Ed's just stronger than we realize, chucking a ball of frozen ice so hard that he nearly falls over. Teehee.  
P.S. I know what you mean. GO AWAY SNOW!  
_To TheHallow_: Anything is beautiful when it's presented right. Love in any form can be more beautiful than the gods or uglier than imaginable, so why not a simple pairing of two alchemists?  
_To Enna Tierce_: A plot is approaching! Soon. It's crawling. I've whipped the horses and they're running but the plot is slowly catching up.

Glad you guys like the Frozen references! It is still, _frozen_ outside where I live...

* * *

Stuck outside with an unconscious man, no clue on which direction _inside_ is.

For once, I'm not the invalid!

I sit him up so he's not laying pathetically in the snow, but I can do little else for him.

I have to try to find the house. At the least, I can always find my way back to Roy by his energy signature if I get lost.

Okay Truth, I'm ready to have my sight back now.

I can almost hear him laughing in my face.

Oh man, this is pointless. I know I've only been searching for several minutes, but the snow is deep enough-or just my balance in it poor enough-that I keep falling down as I walk. I even end up walking right into Olaf and ask him for help before I realize he's not a real person, but a _snow _person.

For that I was glad Roy couldn't see me.

"Oh Roooy, Colonel Freezebutt! You awake yet?"

_Pause_.

Nope.

And I still can't find the house.

I had this genius idea only minutes ago before I shot it down. I could just try to inhale warmth and find the house by finding its temperature. I realized though, that I'd more likely find warm car exhaust and busy roads than the safety of my home with the _door shut_ and all warmth trapped inside.

_Sigh_. Well, at least it was a nice thought.

Shit, I fell _again!_ Only this time, there's a pain in my arm. Did I land on it wrong?

I feel the area around me and find something hard, something stable. It takes me several more minutes of feelingless _feeling _to discover that it's stairs.

The few stairs to the back door.

I've _found_ it!

I quickly return to Roy and drag his limp ass in the direction, not even caring when I get the distance wrong and fall over them backward.

With Roy on top of me.

As if it wasn't enough that each breath was cold and painful, his weight falling on me knocked the air out of me altogether.

Cue the coughing.

I eventually manage to drag us both back into the house, and with a kick to the door, the cold air is gone, leaving my lungs to relax and warm again.

Oh, man. We're _safe_. That could have been so much worse.

I hug Roy to me, sucking in a shaky breath of apology as I try to make sure he's _warm_.

"Can't you do anything right," I murmur, breathing warm air onto him; "one snowball knocks you unconscious? I thought you were a mighty Colonel and state alchemist."

I find my growing energy and stand and start dragging him backwards to the couch. It's a very precarious balance for me, but soon he's safe on the couch and I even manage to find and drape my blanket over him.

I am tired, but I know I should eat before I nap, after all of that excitement outside. I make my way to the kitchen, feeling like the only able person in the house.

I may be completely bereft of my interpretational senses-everything I need to easily interact with the world-but I'm still able to think, act, and keep safe myself and my loved ones despite a severe disability.

And then I knock them out cold.

I drink half my smoothie and return to the couch with it, noting with dismay that Roy's chi is still faint. Still asleep.

Every attempt to wake him goes unanswered. I kneel near him and lay my head on his chest, close my eyes and just feel.

His chi is faint, but strong. His chest is rising and falling evenly.

He'll be fine.

Whenever he decides to wake up.

* * *

Roy stirred awake to find a golden mop of hair in his face, rays of morning sunlight filtering through them and giving the strands an otherworldly glow.

"God you're beautiful."

He brushed the hair back to see the face it belonged to and was met with two matching golden eyes just opening sleepily to see him.

"Do you know I'm awake?"

"Your chi," Ed mumbled; "I felt it spike. You 'wake?"

"Yes." He ran his thumb across Ed's cheek before nodding his head in reply.

"Oh good." Ed laid his head back down next to Roy, who glanced down to find their cramped bed was actually the couch. "What time's it?"

_Looks morning_, Roy replied to Ed's back for lack of chest access. _It wasn't night, was it?_

"I never saw the sun set," Ed replied with a half-smile. "Neither did you I bet."

_I don't recall it. Why not?_

Ed chuckled as he reached his hand down next to the couch, fumbling for a minute before drawing his smoothie cup to hand it to Roy.

"Seriously, Roy. I thought you were stronger than that. I knocked you out with one snowball?"

"A snowball?" Roy rubbed his eyes to clear the mind-fuzz of morning, and it returned to him. He had taunted Ed because _every_ snowball thrown by the blond had missed, but Ed really hurled one immediately afterward-Roy only remembered up to that point before everything went dark.

Did Ed really knock him out with a _snowball?_

"There must've been a rock in it," Roy muttered in disagreement. He told Ed just as much.

_Leave it to you to pick one with a rock in it_.

"Was there a rock?"

_It knocked me out. There had to be!_

"Aww, can the big bad Flame Alchemist no longer handle himself? He can't even dodge a little clump of snow thrown by a blind man?"

_Keep it up, Ed. I might forget to make your smoothies for a day_.

"You wouldn't dare."

_I'm tempted._

"You don't wanna even _think_ about messing with my food. I'll keep you awake all night before work and you'll have to deal with Riza all day on no sleep!"

_You'll incur her wrath on both of us if you're not careful._

"You're right...she has enough on her plate dealing with you on a good day!"

_I know where you sleep._

"I love you too, Roy. Now what shall we do on Winterfest morning?"

"Today's Winterfest?" Due to being asleep only shortly ago, Roy's brain misfired and forgot that the previous day was the Eve. As though picking up on Roy's momentary confusion, Ed piped up.

"Really, Roy? Yesterday was the Eve and you can't figure out today is Winterfest?"

"Oh go to hell!" Roy cried comically. "Stop being so damn-omnipresent or whatever you call it!"

"I can't help my sixth sense has gotten so strong. Now come on, let's go to the bathroom. Now that you're finally awake, you can shower me and we can snuggle in front of the fire."

"Nude?" Roy asked almost excitedly, following Ed toward the bathroom.

"I swear I can see your mental image. As long as you keep me warm I don't give a crap if you're the only thing I'm wearing." Despite his claim, Ed's face was beet-red.

"Oh, this is going to be a good Winterfest."

* * *

Their snuggling was peaceful and interspersed with jests and laughter and tickling doled out by Ed. It lasted for several hours before Ed suddenly insisted-_demanded_-that they get dressed and get ready to go out.

Roy was just putting Ed's last boot on him when he heard the knock at the door. He didn't miss the mischievous glint in Ed's eye but chose not to comment and keep their mystery visitor waiting.

"Good afternoon," Roy greeted, rather surprised to find a complete stranger standing at his door.

"Afternoon to you too sir! I'm here to pick you up for your ride."

"Uhm, ride?"

"Yes Roy," Ed chimed in, walking forward and taking Roy's arm in his own. "We're taking a ride. Come on."

Roy took Ed's place as the usually clueless person and followed the stranger, glancing down to see a smile on Ed's face. Clearly, his partner knew something he didn't.

His confusion only grew as the man beckoned them into a sleigh drawn by two eager horses.

"And this was arranged for us?"

"The ride is for two gentlemen by the names of Roy Mustang and Edward Elric."

Roy paused to tap a message to Ed, which confused the driver-

_You set this up?_

"If you're talking about the horses and the sleigh, yes. I wanted to do something nice for Winterfest." Ed squeezed Roy's hand before he began fumbling for a way into the sleigh.

"Oh! Is your friend blind?"

"And deaf, among other things," Roy replied good-humoredly. "Though a romantic I thought he was not. He continues to surprise me."

"Hey Roy I never rode in a-um, what is this? A sled? A carriage?"

_Sled_. Roy glanced at their driver, motioned for him to watch, and then grabbed Ed around the middle and effortlessly lifted them into the sled together while Ed squeaked with a red face.

"_Roy!_ Geez warn a man!"

_It's much cuter when you squirm_.

"Yeah I'll make _you_ squirm later if you don't watch it!"

_Oh, my love, will you?_

Ed's face had grown hot enough to almost melt the nearby snow.

"You _pervert!_"

_I'm only joking and you know it. Now get that nice ass of yours settled down so our escort can drive the sleigh_.

Ed gave a final shove to Roy before he finally plopped into his seat with arms crossed, though anyone could see he was only _acting_ upset.

_Going to be sour for the whole ride?_ Roy asked as the driver checked his horses.

"If I want to, I will be."

_But you won't, will you_.

"How can I be? I'm on a date with you."

_At heart, you really are a romantic_.

"Only for you. I-" Ed shut up immediately as gravity yanked back when the horses pulled forward. His eyes lit up as they began moving slowly before picking up speed once they got some snow under them.

And Roy _loved_ the little things that enhanced Ed's limited world. Even if it was as simple as a sleigh ride, or the enjoyment wrought by his own ineptitude.

Roy gazed at the snowy city around them, thoroughly enjoying the rare treat of a wintry sleighride. He took in the beauty, enough for Ed too; and was pleased to see, with a glance at his blond, that Ed was emotionally feeding off his own happiness.

"I've never been so happy to know vampirism is real, ya little energy sucker." Roy put his arm around Ed's shoulder and pulled him closer, warming them both and unintentionally amplifying the energetic bond between the two.

"Much better," Ed murmured pleasantly. "I feel you better now..."

_Always a good thing, I hope?_

"Yeah. Of course." Though he'd been blind for years now, Ed's eyes rarely closed but to automatically blink. For the ride however, his lids closed and he peacefully relaxed in Roy's embrace, feeling safe and whole in the moment of frosty bliss.

The two rode in silence for some time, needing only each other in their arms for happiness. Roy was the one who finally broke the silence.

_Thank you for our date, Edward. _

"Are you enjoying it?"

_Thoroughly. And you?_

"Oh yeah. Your energy is amazing. There must be some incredible scenery around us."

_More white than I ever cared to see_.

Ed let slip a laugh to accompany his wide grin.

"That's all I ever see. We're sharing the same sight for once."

_You see all white?_

"I haven't told you before? My blindness isn't dark, like most people. I guess because my vision was stolen by Truth, trapped in the gate, my vision is an eternal white. Wasn't yours? When you were blind?*

_No. You remember how I said everything was so dark. Why is your sight different if ours were both stolen to the same place?_

"Maybe because mine is eternal. Hell, your vision was able to be healed, but mine wasn't. Maybe we'll find out one day."

_I wish we could find an answer for you_.

"Oh don't you go and start that again. Bump that mood back up, will ya? I feel what you feel, ya know."

_Sorry_.

"Well, how is the view? Are there many people out right now?"

_He's taken us through the park. There's more snow here and less people._

"Is it a big park?"

_Of course. It's Central Park._

"I never really visited before..."

_Of course not. The trees here hadn't been turned into books yet._

"I like nature too," Ed pouted; "but I had to find answers."

_Even under the snow, I can hear autumn's fallen leaves cracking as the sleigh flies over them._ He continued with a smile as Ed's eyes lit up from the poetic description of their own world.

_The evergreens are heavy with snow, and only under them can you catch a glimpse of grass. The path ahead of us is untouched by man or animal; only a smooth, pristine blanket of snow crystals glittering in the afternoon sun._

"And the air? How does it feel?" Ed's eyes had begun to water, though from the poetic words or the dry air, Roy couldn't tell.

_Brisk, frosty. Cool and clear, the calm of sleep before the renewal of life; the fresh of the air being cleaned by the forces of the earth itself._

"I never thought I'd say this but-" Ed sniffled, Roy able to see that they were actual tears- "that was beautiful, Roy. I love what comes out of your mouth."

_Or just my fingers, o deaf one?_

"Always." Ed closed his eyes again, blissfully unaware of Roy's warm fingers wiping the tears from his cheek.

_I love you_.

"I love you too, Roy."

A pleasant silence stretched between them again, Ed interrupting for the second round as they made their way back home.

"This is kind of silly. I think I'm daydreaming more of the scene."

_What do you mean?_

"I hear bells, but I don't. Are there bells on the sleigh or the reins?"

_Actually, yes. They've been jingling the entire ride._

"No way! So am I right that there's two horses, too? I can't feel the animals themselves but I think I can feel the raw energy from their bodies and their breaths if that...makes any sense to you."

_While not currently in my scope of ability, I can't say I don't believe you. Unless you knew all of this before and you're just trying to impress me_.

"I did not! I don't even know the name of the company! I asked Riza to set this up for me!"

_Oh, and she didn't share the details with you?_

"I told you no! I-look, I still don't understand this all the way. But was I right?"

_Depends. What color are the horses?_

"Are you stupid? I can't _feel _their color."

_There are two_.

"Our driver is male?"

_Are you sure you're turning into a psychic and not a dog?_

"You're an ass. I don't know why I put up with you."

_Because you love me I hope_.

"Yeah, I guess. Oh look, we're home!" Ed chirped as they neared the house, beginning to slow down only after Ed's announcement.

"I will _never_ get used to how you can do that."

* * *

As soon as they walked into the house, Roy could smell something intoxicating. He knew Ed picked up on his sudden shift in excitement as the man piped up.

"What? What is it?"

"I smell... I smell..." _Gingerbread_.

"Oh, gingerbread?" A knowing grin formed on his face. "Did you make cookies?"

_Yes, Ed. While we're were sleigh riding, I snapped my fingers and cooked them from here_.

"You don't cook confections, you bake them, dumbass."

_Did you make cookies?_

"Yes, Roy, this morning while we snuggled, your blind sensory-handicapped boyfriend baked cookies."

_Well then where did they come from?_

Roy found the source of the smell to be a large plate of decorated gingerbread and sugar cookies on the coffee table by the couch, their smell intensified by the heat thrown off by the raging fireplace that Roy _knows _he didn't leave lit.

Aside the tray of cookies were two glasses filled with eggnog, still cold, with a note written in a style Roy would recognize anywhere.

_Cookies by the fire to warm up and settle in with, courtesy of your favorite blondes._  
_Happy Winterfest, Roy_

"You little liar, you!" Roy repeated the words in Dorset, beaming all the while. _You did too bake cookies. With Riza!_

"Found me out huh? How?"

_The note_.

"Aww, she gave it away."

_Thank you, Ed._

"It was my idea!" He said proudly, hugging Roy before leading him to the couch.

_I love this idea. I love cookies_.

"You love everything sweet don't you? That's why you love me."

_I guess since today's Winterfest, I can be nice and agree_.

"Yeah, okay, I'll take that. Happy Winterfest, Roy."

* * *

Roy loves his cookies. He keeps trying to feed me one too. He insists I won't choke on them; I'm sure I wouldn't, but I could easily bite my lip, cheek, tongue...

I just drink my eggnog. For him, I'm suffering through a dairy beverage. If it was straight milk, I'd say hell no and he knows it.

_Come on, have a gingerbread cookie. They're delicious!_

"I'm sure they are Roy, but without the chance to taste it, I'm not risking biting something in my mouth!"

_You don't know it will happen_.

"It has before!"

_Oh really? When?_

"After Kurzowski. Kain fed me a banana in the cafeteria when you forgot my lunch."

_You forget nothing, do you?_

"Nope!"

_Okay fine. I'll eat all the cookies myself._

"I made them for you, you'd better."

_I'm gonna get fat this winter on cookies._

"Then you'll just be more cuddly!"

_Really, Ed?_

"What do I care how you look? I can barely feel you. Besides, a few pounds wouldn't kill your figure."

_I have to look good to impress the bigwigs._

"Schmoozer."

_You love it when I schmooze with you_.

"Damn right I do. I'm your favorite person to schmooze aren't I?"

_Of course._

"And you don't even get anything out of it either!"

_Of course I do. Your love and happiness._

He melts my heart every time and makes me not even care that I've gone soft and sappy for him.

_I have something that I think will give you more happiness_.

What's this? He has something for me?

"Hm?"

_I coordinated with Kain and we've developed something new._

"What? Newer that my phone setup?"

_Yes. You know how Dorset is transmitted over radio, right?_

"Uh, I think so. Electronic pulses right?"

_Electric currents that move an electromagnet. _

"I focused on the more chemical side of science."

_Yes, the alchemical. But Kain and I have used that system to not only transmit audio interpretation of dots and dashes._

"More can be done?"

_We set up two ways in case one works better for you than the other_.

"Does this mean I can communicate with people far away?!"

_If it works out for you like we hope_.

"Well what are the ways? How does it work?!"

_We expanded on the electrical operation for the first method. With a switch you can turn the feature on or off. When on, the machine will direct a high magnetic pulse that you can actually feel._

"That's possible?"

_We don't know if you'll feel it yet_.

"Well what's the other method?"

_The more direct method you're accustomed to. By amplifying the vibration of the magnet_-

"Magnets are awesome."

..._we've managed to make a Dorset Tapper. Well, that's what we call it so far. It basically taps it out to you like we do...only instead of a difference in pressure that you're used to, it's frequency and length_.

"And this you know will work?"

_Kain and I have tested it thoroughly. The modifications are just on our end. Anyone who can transmit and receive Dorset can communicate with you, assuming you get the hang of transmitting it yourself._

"Oh hell yeah! I'll master that little Tapper!"

_I can't wait until you can speak to faraway friends again_.

"Me too! Can I call Kain first?!"

_Sure_.

"Where's the Dorset machine?"

_Wait, you mean tonight?_

"No, yesterday. Of course I mean tonight!"

_Ed, it's Winterfest evening. Everyone is with family right now._

"So you tell me about this new machine and I can't even test it right away?!"

_You'll have plenty of time tomorrow_.

Yeah but... Can't I even call Al?

"What about Alphonse? Can I at least call him?"

_I doubt he has a Dorset setup yet._

"Oh." I think about hiding the disappointment from my voice after I speak, and I can tell from the energy shift he picked up on it. "I'm sorry. I'm grateful for my gift, more than you know; I was just excited to try it out."

_I know. How about we phone up Risembool the usual way before it gets too late? I can listen in and interpret for you_.

That sounds like a great idea. I can tell him all about the new machine! And about the cookies. I'll leave out the uh, _festive_ snuggling from earlier, but I think he'll enjoy the mention of a sleighride, since Risembool gets so little snow.

At my request, Roy dials my old hometown and I'm soon talking to Winry and wishing her a happy Winterfest. Alphonse joins in and soon four people are having a conversation together at once, pausing only for Roy to translate for me.

Guess what? Risembool got some snow too. Alphonse and Winry took a sleighride together!

Just like Roy and I.

Today was a _great_ Winterfest.


	72. Chapter 72

_To Mal_: Awww. I'm glad I can stir happy feelings. I hope I was able to paint your a pretty picture of their wintry evening? (And c'mon, egg your man on to be more poetic ;) )  
_To JaSure_: I don't think I'm a professional. This is my best writing so far, in my opinion. :)

Apologies everyone; I meant to get this story posted yesterday on V-Day (not that I really celebrate it but fluff fits where it fits) but I ended up sick all day after work. :( Hope you enjoy!

* * *

Kain's invention works wonderfully! I communicate with Kain and Roy daily when they work, and Alphonse has thankfully gotten a Dorset setup. I adjusted to reading timing and frequency as opposed to pressure rather quickly, which I suppose is the natural way to use Dorset, given its usual route of communication; but it is slower.

Except for Kain. I _still _can't keep up with that boy.

I've decided that cold winter days are the best days to eat more and try to get in shape. I'm getting better at balance all the time and when Roy came home yesterday, he caught me in a successful handstand.

Which lasted all of five seconds before he caught me as I fell, whups.

And my metal leg ended up _right_ in his face, too.

He didn't mind. He was proud of the progress I've made. I've managed to gain weight and muscle in just a month, and he didn't even mention the fact I was drinking _twice_ the amount of smoothies as usual.

I wouldn't mind being able to feel my progress though. Feel my figure, the size of the muscles; I don't feel the strength of the muscles nowadays, just the burn when I wear them out and they're achy.

Later, I guess. Maybe when I'm stronger.

True to Roy's request, I've begun teaching him how to spar. I teach him first how to block, as that's all instinct for me; then I show him the best ways to strategically throw out punches, kicks, elbows and more. I kneed him in the stomach before realizing he wasn't ready to block, but he swept my legs from under me and knocked me on my ass. I laughed while he worked on regaining the ability to breathe.

I know I'm not a good teacher because I can't really see what I'm doing, despite what he says. I do my best to go through the motions and explain it to him, but I can't see if he's got the form right because I can't _see_.

Although, I guess it's the bouts of actual sparring that decides how well I'm doing as a teacher.

But if even Al can't beat me now, how can Roy?  
Maybe the old man has some tricks that we don't know; maybe he'll surprise me.

He hasn't yet, but I continue to teach him. Together we'll grow stronger, together we'll beat the world. And each other's butts.

He's got a long way to go before he can whup me in sparring!

* * *

Everything is white. But everything is dark, too. He's not here. I can't feel his energy. I'm all alone, I'm starving, I'm freezing, I'm in pain; this is worse than anything-worse than Kurkowski, because Roy hasn't come _back_ for me, where is he?! He promised I'd never lose him. That he'd never lose _me_. But he's been gone for days now, I'm alone with no help from anyone, no assistance offered to a beaten and injured invalid-

All I can do is shake and cry. Break down and hope for rescue, hope for return to my safe and sheltered world. Hope for Roy to return.

I wish this was just a dream. A hellish nightmare I could wake up from-

As though that was my revelation, I find myself choking and gasping on sobs, sucking in graciously _warm_ air before my pained mind picks up on Roy's concerned chi. He's shaking my shoulder and trying to tap Dorset, but I can't comprehend it yet.

"Roy? Roy?! I feel you but I-I didn't-"

_Ed. Ed._

"Why," I whine pathetically. The emotions tumble through me as they've done multiple times in the past month. "_Why _do I keep having these dreams-these _nightmares?_"

_I don't know_.

He holds me in his arms until I can calm down completely, reassured by his embrace and his energy that he's really _there_.

"It's just like when I'm awake," I murmur softly. "I can't tell the difference. And when I wake up it's still real to me, I don't just wake up and _see _that I'm with you, I _hate _being handicapped!"

_I wish I could make them go away_.

"I'm sorry."

_Don't apologize. You can't control this_.

"But why am I having them... They only started recently..."

_Maybe you're so confident of your abilities, you're worried you'll overstep them and get into trouble_.

"Maybe."

_Is there anything I can do to help?_

"Never leave me alone in public. Even for a minute."

_Potty breaks notwithstanding_.

"Smartass."

_I love you too much to let go of you_.

"You promise to watch over me?"

Oh hell, I sounded like a kid there.

_Of course I do._

"I'm sorry, I'll let you go back to sleep now."

_I'll sleep when you do. _

"But Roy, you have to work tomorrow..."

_You mean more to me than sleep. Now shut up Mister Stubborn and relax. You're safe with me._

We snuggled up close until I could feel him breathing, and in that comforting rhythm, I slowly drifted off to a peaceful, dreamless slumber.

* * *

_I bet you would._

His sudden Dorset startles me from the peaceful sensation of my cold breakfast filling my belly.

"What? Would what?"

_Well..._

I don't need to wonder why he trailed off; his hesitation is so obvious that I would've felt it before losing my senses.

_I wonder if you could do something for me_.

"...What?"

As I wait for him to answer, my suspicion grows. I feel more nervous hesitation from him and I grow more wary; finally he makes a move to talk.

_Well I have to work today..._

"I know."

_I'd like to take you with me._

"Okay." I pause in disbelief. "Was _that_ your request?"

_Well, no..._

"Then what is it?!"

_I know you never have before but...maybe you could indulge me one time_...

Uhmm, what is he asking me for...?

_Please wear the uniform, just for today?_

"The-"

The _uniform?_ All that was for the _uniform?!_

"Roy I'm not even _in_ the military anymore!"

_Everyone knows you're civilian now_.

"So why should I wear the damn thing?"

_I think you'd look good in it_.

"I'd look like..."

Why don't you say it, Ed? Just another dog of the military?

Because you realize how unreasonable you're being about all of this. He just wants you to dress up a little bit for him.

For all he does for you? You can do this for him just once.

Besides, it's not like the uniform is _that_ bad. And you're proud to say you helped save the country.

Even with your recent heroics, you could give the uniform a good image.

Plus the guys would probably get a kick out of it too!

I wonder if it'll keep me warm...

_Um, Ed?_

"Huh? Uh, yeah?"

_I hope your expressions mean you're warming up to the idea_.

"Well...they might."

If I'd known his excitement was gonna spike this much, I'd have agreed sooner!

"What the hell. As long as it'll keep me warm!"

I thought his first wave of excitement was powerful; it just went tidal and slammed into me like a wall!

He's so overjoyed that he doesn't even _reply_ to me, he just races upstairs to get the outfit. I shake my head in disbelief at his antics.

I wonder how I'll look in the outfit? I've imagined it in the past, but I was always younger. I don't even have a clear image in my mind of how I currently look.

I know I'm blind, but it would be nice to have a few new visual memories here and there...

Cut me some slack, Truth?

I can just imagine his reply.

_Not on your gate, Alchemist._

That guy is _really_ annoying.

Oh, Roy is back!

Within minutes-I swear, we have this down to a scientific _dance_-I'm dressed in the uniform and appropriate winter attire.

I really visualize him for the first time in a long time, taking great detail to see his smile, his well-groomed hair, and his outfit that matches my own. Then I see him open the door and immediately break the regal facade as he grimaces and whines about the cold outside.

A smile is plastered on my face as we leave the house without a word, our bond strong enough to understand we're both ready. The trip to the car is short, and in the car seems shorter yet.

I still enjoy the mechanical locomotion, but the air outside today is rather nice for winter. It's not enough to make you shiver with each breath; nor does it quite feel like spring.

As we walk from the car to Central Command's stairs, I can tell other people feel the same way. I can feel a unification of pleasantness; a collection of people relieved at the break in cold weather who are celebrating the nice day by just being out in it.

I picture them looking at us. Seeing me in the uniform. Through the eyes of another I can take in the scene for what it is.

I'm not a foul-tempered young man. I'm not a dog of the military all dressed to be a wolf in sheep's clothing. And I certainly don't look out of place.

Next to Roy, I belong. Two people walking arm in arm, so different but so perfect together.

I just know we look great in these uniforms.


	73. Chapter 73

_To J.K. Kelly_: Aww, thanks. :) and if you don't like cliffhangers, you're going to _hate _me for this chapter.

Why do I manage my best writing when I'm supposed to be asleep? Argh.

From the moment they stepped into the office, their matching military outfits earned the alchemists an enthusiastic outburst. Ed took the slam of energy in stride and remained next to Roy proudly, not hiding behind the man as he'd done on the first visit back.

_I thought you'd never wear that uniform!_ Havoc teased, hoping that somehow Ed didn't know about it because Roy had tricked him.

"I don't have to worry about its image anymore; I'm not a dog of the military now and even if I was still able and enrolled, I wouldn't roll over and bark for anyone and the whole country knows it!"

_Good point there. _

"Does it look okay on me?"

_You don't know?_

"What are you, stupid Havoc? I can't _see_."

_You can't picture it on yourself?_

"I've pictured it on a _younger_ me, but I don't know what I look like anymore. Roy said I still haven't gained all my weight or muscle back."

_Oh. Well you look good in it. I think you could fill it out a little more with muscle though._

"Am I uhm, scrawny looking?" Ed asked quietly, glancing around as though he'd be able to fend off a stray gaze with his own.

_No. You're not far from how you looked before, nowhere near scrawny._

"Oh, so-so I am almost back to my old self."

_In both body and mind. Seriously, I never thought you'd get so good at being so deprived. I don't think anyone did. Not that we're doubting you. But you're almost psychic now!_

Ed grinned despite himself, bumping up against Havoc's desk with a hint of grace before hopping up onto it for a casual seat.

"An interesting and very useful side effect of my lacking senses. I lost five but I gained...well, would you count this as just one? Sometimes I pick up on emotions, sometimes it's... well it's hard to explain, but it's not really emotion, like right now I can pick on on Roy being a jackass for some reason."

Sure enough, Roy was doing his best to turn his many packets of papers into a mini desktop fort.

_That's no different from usual, so that's cheating_.

"Okay, well I can tell you're craving a cigarette."

_In this place? I am all day long!_

"Well fine," Ed grumbled. He crossed his arms and let his eyes drift away from their focus near Havoc, and nearly startled the man when Ed jumped to attention.

"I can prove it. Heymans got laid last night and now he's got a girlfriend."

"_What?_" Havoc cried, earning the attention of the entire room. "Breda you didn't tell us?!"

"Uh, tell you what?"

"Your new girlfriend!"

"Uhm, I, uh, she, uhm, I-I didn't tell you guys?"

"He didn't tell you because he just met her last night," Ed explained.

"Did you tell him with Dorset in secret?!" Havoc accused.

"Dammit Jean sit down," Ed barked and beat Roy to the punch; "Isn't it proof enough that I can tell you're standing?" He paused before yanking Havoc back down into his seat.

"Havoc are you really testing Edward's limited senses?" Roy asked in disbelief, casting shame on his subordinate.

"Hey-he invited me to!"

"Oh and Havoc has neglected to tell us," Ed added gleefully; "his new girlfriend's name is Maria!"

"How the _hell_-"

"That's the name of my girlfriend too!" Breda exclaimed in surprise, and naturally they began comparing their girls.

...Only to find out five minutes later that they were dating the exact same woman.

"She's a two-timer!" Breda cried, feeling more insulted than angry.

"If she has both of us she probably has more guys," Havoc sighed sadly. "I really liked her too."

"Did I bring up something bad?" Ed could only guess at so many things, and right then he was glancing back and forth between the two amorphous blobs of negativity that he could feel.

_Apparently we're both dating the same girl_, Breda answered Ed, waiting only for Ed to process that before tapping more; _thanks for opening our eyes to it_.

"Ah you-crap, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

_No no, we're glad that we found out. We don't want to be used._

"I bet you could lead her on for some payback," Ed mused mischievously.

_I'm betting you have something in mind_.

"Oh Heymans, you know I'm not the vengeful type."

_Just as I know you're full of it_.

"Yeah, you're right. Okay, what you should do..."

* * *

With an enthusiastic, attentive and decidedly able Edward in the room, Team Mustang was struggling to complete any actual work. Roy had first attempted to corral the chaos but had quickly been absorbed into it. Even Riza had tried her best, but succumbed to hopelessness before the joviality infected her as well and she joined the merrymaking.

With absolutely no work completed at all, Roy's band of merry men conversed and celebrated the well-being of their impaired former fellow soldier and life in general. Their usual diligence had devolved into a conflagration of excitement.

Given their louder than average noise level, it should have come as no surprise to them when their door was opened and they were met with scrutiny for the raised volume.

To be honest, they weren't expecting this visitor in particular.

Everybody in the room froze immediately. Silence fell where there had only moments ago been a din disruptive enough to be heard through the walls.

Only Ed continued to make noise in the form of losing balance from leaning on the table and toppling gracelessly to the floor. He snorted out a laugh at the occurrence, but when he sensed the seriousness in the room he clapped a half over his mouth in a poor attempt to stifle giggles.

"Why is everything suddenly so silent," Ed mused quietly. He glanced around in confusion, remembering well the _last_ time a massive seriousness had overtaken all those around him.

Only this time, he was fairly certain it wasn't train robbers.

Another giggle threatened to escape his lips again. Combining the fact that Ed had no idea what was going on with his indifference to bureaucratic bull, he had a hell of a battle with his self-control.

Team Mustang watched curiously as the head of the newcomers stepped forward and leaned down where Ed had sat up on the floor. With an effortless message in Dorset, a conversation with a proposed stranger had begun.

_Good morning Major. It's good to see you finally wearing the fine dress. Perhaps if you respect the uniform enough, you can come back to work here!_

"What," Ed said dismissively as he smacked away the man's hand and earned even _more_ tenseness from his friends; "you had to use Dorset to speak with me and then you think I can work here? Are you the biggest idiot on this base? Does the military accept _anyone_ nowadays?"

_We are very selective and only choose the most intelligent and talented men, such as yourself._ Just as the message sank in and Ed was about to protest, the Dorset continued. _I'm glad to see you're doing well. Carry on, Major._

"But I'm not a major anymore," Ed protested quietly when the Dorset disappeared and the other half of Ed's conversation had turned his attention elsewhere.

As the man's attention turned to back to Mustang's team, they all finally remembered to salute, most of them worried about getting into trouble-save Riza and Roy, who knew better.

"Colonel, can you explain to me what all the ruckus is in here?"

"I do apologize sir; have there been complaints from my neighbors?"

"None as of yet that I'm aware of. I heard the noise for myself and dropped by to investigate."

Mimicking Roy's tactic, he had still neglected to set the room at ease and left everyone still saluting him.

"Uh, Edward is visiting for the day, and he's always been the life of the party."

"Oh, you're having a party in here?"

"Of-of course not, sir!"

"I should hope not. I wasn't invited!" He laughed and finally set the mean at ease, both in their salutes and demeanor with his chuckling. "You don't mind if I join in, do you?"

"We'd love to have you," Riza answered, beckoning the man and his two tailing lackeys into the room.

It was slower to start back up than it was to stop, but soon the festivity was back in full swing. Three new people joined into the chatter and laughter, an oblivious Ed all the while not really caring because all was still well and he'd never actually sensed danger.

Stories were shared, many photos were taken, laughter was had. The enjoyable chaos lasted nearly to lunchtime before everybody began to part ways.

_You still don't know, do you?_ Breda tapped to Ed after the office had nearly emptied out.

"Know what?"

_Who was in here earlier with us._

"You mean when you guys all quieted down and got sticks in your asses?"

_Yeah_.

"No, I don't. Do I know him?"

_Everyone does. It was Fuhrer Grumman!_

"Fuhrer Gr-the leader of our country?!"

_Yep!_

"And I called him an idiot!"

_He laughed._

"Oh man Roy's gonna tease me about that forever," Ed whined.

_Or he might just tease Grumman_.

"Oh, he'll tease me too," Ed muttered, though the corner of his lip tugged upward affectionately.

_Let's go grab lunch_.

"Let me guess; Roy didn't bring my smoothies again."

_I think he was so excited about the uniform that he forgot._

"I swear he is such an _idiot_."

_At times._

"I wonder what they have that I can have," Ed wondered aloud as they walked together.

_They always have pudding. Do you like pudding?_

"I don't know, do I?"

_Uh...do you?_

"Do I like pudding? I don't know." Refusing to be a civil person, Ed crossed his arms and continued to be a sarcastic dick.

_I know you can't taste it, kid. I just want to know if you're okay with something that has milk as the main ingredient._

"...Oh." Ed's arms slackened and he turned his head in embarrassment. "Sorry. Yeah pudding is fine."

_Now I've seen it all; Edward is acquiescing the consumption of a dairy product!_

"Since when do you use such big words?!"

_You can understand them, can't ya?_

"Yeah but it's just a pain to decode longer words," he complained. "I mean-I hate it when people shortchange a conversation with me because of my condition but-I-well, I guess it is nicer to hear the rare literary elaboration."

_Look who's talking. You haven't lost your touch at communication._

"Yeah. And according to everybody else, I don't stutter anymore, either."

_I'm sorry about that, really...I thought you knew_.

"Oh don't worry about it. I'm glad you're a friend enough to tell me. I was able to fix it with a bit of help and practice."

_You wanted chocolate right?_

And with that, Ed knew they'd made it to the cafeteria. As if the growing sense of chaos and bustle hadn't been an indicator of their location.

"No, vanilla. Definitely vanilla. I'm not allergic but flavor really, really matters to me."

_Okay, butterscotch it is_.

"Oh, now that _is_ my favorite." Ed comfortably relaxed where Breda seated him. His eyelids drooped as he quieted his mind and mentally reached out to see who or what he could silently hear.

There were too many people in the room, too many different thoughts and ideas and such a lack of unity. He couldn't pick up on any specifics or certain people, and had given up just as Breda rested a bowl in his hands.

"Tapioca I hope?"

_Nope, they were out of everything except chocolate_.

"Ooh, my favorite!"

* * *

"You know, your men are incompetent," Ed said to Roy as they were leaving the office but still well within earshot of said men; "can't even fetch my favorite flavor of pudding."

_You sure look like you enjoyed it._

"What's that supposed to mean?"

_Did you deliberately start a food fight, or are you genuinely unaware of the chocolate stain on your top?_

"I-I spilled it and Breda didn't tell me?!"

_Maybe he didn't want to embarrass you_.

"Too late for that," Ed muttered. Before Roy realized what was happening, Ed clapped his hands and placed them to his chest, enveloping himself in a flash of alchemy. Once the light cleared, Roy could spot the obvious change in Ed's outfit. The uniform had been replaced by warm jeans and the top by a captioned black tee with a red hoodie to finish the ensemble.

_Really, Ed?_

"You like it?"

Roy stared at the words across Ed's shirt with a hopeless grin.

**Can't see you**  
**Can't hear you**  
**Still annoyed by you**

"Don't look at me in that tone of voice. Alchemy isn't easy anymore and I wanted to make it count."

_Alchemy is hard for you now?_

"I'm blind, asshole."

_I'm sorry you had to suffer through that, _Roy replied with a smile and eyeroll.

"Yeah. I demand compensation."

"From who?"

"I want ice cream," Ed stated as though he had heard Roy.

_First pudding, now ice cream? I thought you hated milk, but you're turning into a dairy savant._

"Well I don't want ice _cream_, I want frozen bananas."

"Um, what?"

"I heard about it from Al. Winry has a friend who heard about mashing frozen bananas as a cold dessert and if you add milk and a little vanilla it tastes just like ice cream."

_That's new on me. We can stop by the Tasty Twist on the way home and see if they have it._

"Yeah! I like that ice cream parlor. It has a nice clientele."

_You just love it when Ruby is there_.

"She's so nice. And so smart too!"

_She was the first to figure out how to feed you_.

"When I was still too resistant to try new things."

_Except me_.

"Yeah," Ed replied with a flustered blush. "And then she was able to explain to me who she was before my time of Dorset."

_She helped to change your life. She just might change the world._

"I think it would be awesome to have a female Fuhrer. History needs intelligence and innovation."

_Grumman is a good Fuhrer._

"As you will be too. But a woman would be good for the position, don't you think?"

_I see no reason to say otherwise_.

"Damn stairs," Ed complained; "are we almost at the bottom?"

Roy replied with a squeeze on Ed's hand, not wanting to upset his balance with a nod-even if they were only two steps from the ground and he wouldn't mind any excuse to catch Ed in his arms.

"Do you think it's silly? That I ask for something ice cold in the wintertime?"

_Not at all. Just a glutton for punishment._

"Well that's obvious enough, I fell in love with you."

_Ha and ha._

Ed slid into the car with a smile on his face and relaxed in his seat, smiling contentedly as Roy drove off toward their pleasant polar pitstop.

* * *

We both got out of the car and went into Tasty Twist only to find out that they don't even have banana _flavor_, much less ice cream made from bananas.

Maybe I sound lazy, but getting out of the car to find out I have to go right back in it _sucks_. I'm better at things than I used to be, and I know where the handle is; but between opening the door, unbuckling my seatbelt, waiting for Roy to say I won't walk into a pole or traffic, wondering if there will be snow or ice or a _gutter_ that I'll twist and break my ankle on when I step down-

Well, it's a giant pain in the ass to be let down after all of that.

At least he's taking it better than I am. Though I try not to show it, I am a bit miffed at hearing no; but Roy is just happy to lead me back to the car and inform me that we'll get bananas from the market.

"Aren't we already bananas?"

_Not the kind you can eat._

"You always try to convince me otherwise."

_...How I wish you had your touch and a bit more drive_.

"Wh-_Roy!_"

_You think I don't want you? I'd never ask because I know you don't want more_.

"I do but...I don't...if it makes any sense.."

_Not quite how you described it, no_.

"Well I mean-I never really had any drive for anyone. I love you though, and I would love to give you more; but at the same time I...I guess I'm...we'll it's the stupidest thing ever," I stutter, my face so hot that I feel as though Roy set my head on fire.

Although, he kinda did, metaphorically.

_What?_

"I'm afraid okay? Of, um, s...sex."

_So mature, yet so hard to say the S word._

"How about this one-shut the hell up!"

_You have nothing to be afraid of, Ed. If you're ever ready, then we can try more. But if you're not, that's fine. I love you and your happiness is what's most important to me._

"But...I can't really be the best partner to you-"

_You are. More than anyone ever could be. Sex is just another way of showing someone you love them. A fun and pleasurable one, but it's not a necessity for a relationship_.

"Oh."

And here I always thought that I wasn't _normal_ because I never really desired that physical intimacy, always shied away from the idea of sex.

Yet he proves me wrong yet again, and gladly so.

I just never thought of sex that way, I suppose. I was ignorant to its real purpose inside of a relationship.

How come _books_ never taught me about that?!

Oh, right. I wasn't reading _those _books.

_Market_, Roy awakens me with sudden Dorset; _I'll be right back. Just need the bananas_.

"What? Roy, you're going to leave me out here?"

Alone?

I must be, because he doesn't answer my protest.

"Roy? Look I don't mind going in with you for just the bananas..."

A memory jumps into my mind of my awful recent _dreams_ and I have to make an effort to calm myself, keep myself _here_.

He's just buying bananas, Ed.

He even left the car running to keep you warm.

I know because I can barely feel it. It's a nice constant vibration.

But I told him I don't want to be left _alone_.

How long does it take to buy _bananas_, Ed? Get a grip. You can handle yourself for a while five minutes, Roy's at work way longer than that every day.

I feel the car shift ever so slightly and relax at his return.

Was that really worth panicking over, Ed?

"They had bananas I hope?"

No reply, just the car suddenly lurching forward and slamming me back against my seat.

"Holy hell Roy what was that for?! Is someone after us?"

Still no answer, so I try to pick up on the reason using the energies I've become so sensitive to lately.

That's when I feel it. Or, rather, don't.

The absence of _Roy_.

Roy's not here. Someone else is driving the car, and very fast and carelessly.

While I'm still _in_ it.

Is Roy okay? Did this person hurt him?!

Are we being carjacked?

Or...am I being _kidnapped?_

Oh, _hell_ no. I am _not_ dealing with this again.

"Roy hey slow down, your driving sucks!"

Still no response, and I try one more thing to make sure I'm not about to injure an ally.

"Geez, couldja at least let me know who you are? Just tap it to me!"

No Dorset, no squeeze of the hand or shoulder, not even a smack from the stranger.

Oh, it's on. It is on like the flaming sky of _dawn_.

All I have to do is gain control on the vehicle. It shouldn't be hard to knock this..._person_ out, and then all I'd need to do is keep the wheel straight and hit the brakes.

In one swift motion I launch a fist and slam it painfully into something very solid, only to feel something heavy land against my side. I stiffen and ready myself to fight back in case I'd missed my kidnapper, but realize after the car suddenly swerves that I'd done it.

He landed on me after I successfully knocked his ass out. And now, I have to steer before I kill us both.

I grab the wheel and manage to keep it straight from swerving, but even after managing to miraculously unbuckle myself with the wrong hand, I can't find the brake pedal.

Hell, I can't even get my right leg over _near_ the pedals, not that it matters whether I use my flesh leg, as I feel with it just as well as I always have with the automail.

Shit shit _shit!_ This plan was so _easy!_ Why do I have to be so damn _inept?!_

I'm blaming living with _you_ for that one, Roy!

Brakes, goddammit, where are the brakes?!

And why are we not slowing _down_, don't tell me he's KO'd with his foot on the gas!

Dammit Roy I TOLD you not to leave me alone!

Panic grabs my heart so suddenly that I almost can't breathe. I react to it the only way I know how and try to escape the vehicle, preferring the safety of rolling out of a moving car into traffic or worse, rather than risking totaling the vehicle with myself inside.

I fumble to find the door, but I can't escape. Is it locked?!

Oh no, oh no, bad feeling, _super_ bad feeling, get out, gotta get out, I-I'm stuck-

* * *

Two minutes.

Two _goddamn_ minutes.

He should have known better than to leave Ed alone, with the car running.

He trusted Ed to not take the vehicle for an impromptu joyride.

He forgot to take into account carjackers.

He was just exiting through the market doors when he spotted the man slip into the car, slam the driver's door shut and peel out when Roy cried out in alarm.

Had Ed not been in the car, Roy would have sacrificed that luxurious mechanical marvel at once for the retribution of the criminal's thievery.

Roy had expertly began firing off snaps of explosive flame aimed at the tires, but his disabling attempts were foiled by the man's annoyingly expert driving talent.

Roy chased the man down _two blocks _before he saw the car swerve haphazardly and narrowly miss an ungodly amount of people, street lamps, mailboxes, signs and even _dogs _before Roy realized that the car was not slowing down.

While it was _flying_ right toward the warehouse at top speed.

A horrified scream sounded through the air as people watched in curious and morbid wonder at the scene unfolding before them, and Roy wondered who it was who had called Ed's name out-before realizing it was himself.

He couldn't reach the car in time. He was still several blocks away, and all he could do was watch in horror as his screaming legs and burning lungs fought for the air in all of Central and threatened to shut his mind down between oxygenic deprivation and absolute panic.

He finally fell as the horrific sound of metal crunching and twisting and cracking rang throughout the entire mile radius, deafening the already tense silence with a magnificent chorus of destruction.

Roy was up on his failing feet on moments and running forward and hoping to the gods of alchemy that Edward was somehow _okay_, that he could have actually _survived _that but he only got two steps and a halfassed glimpse closer before his world literally shattered before him.

Roy's once-beautiful car exploded and broke into smoke and flames, leaving him standing and staring in shock.

His breath had been taken from him. His _life _had been taken from him.

Without...without _Edward_...

He took an unsteady step forward, unknowingly dropping the bananas that he'd forgotten he'd even _had_.

He had only been in the store for two minutes. Two quiet, peaceful minutes in an otherwise normal and _wonderful _day. He never saw this coming.

Nor did he see the tire.

Launched into the air from the vehicular explosion, the tire careened silently toward the stricken state Alchemist, aiming dead-on for his head.

He never heard the cries of the people around him.

He could only struggle to breathe for the loss of the man who mattered most to him.

He could only suffer as his future flared in an ungodly conflagration in front of him, just before the tire slammed into his head and he could worry no more.


	74. Chapter 74

_To alonetogetherusyou _: Aww, I love you too! Haha. (I love your review)  
_To Cutiepie120048_: Stores are safe. Just not alone. Use the buddy system!  
_To Mal_: They get lots of breaks. They just also happen to be our heros and have a chance to um, grow through tough times?  
_To Mantacat_: I've always identified as ace too, and even with my loving partner, I'm still a bit disinterested at times, haha. There's much more fun things to do! But. Edward I wouldn't say is completely; just always had more important stuff going on growing up so never focused on it.  
_To Secret Companion_: Mostly the latter. And no worries about offense! Tis very hard to offend me. Also, I just paid attention to your username. Secret Companion sounds like... a _stalker_. Gasp.

I think writing sad stuff comes more naturally to me. Do you think so? It's odd because I'm actually a naturally happy person...

* * *

The faint beeping roused Roy awake gently, lulling him from peaceful slumber to a strange room of which he had no recollection.

"Roy?"

Though not the usual voice he heard when he awoke, he was glad to have his Lieutenant answer him and hopefully clear up his confusion.

"How are you feeling?"

"Groggy," he replied, feeling momentarily detached from his own voice. "Where am I?"

"Hospital," she answered gently. "You had a concussion, but the doctor said you came out of it just fine."

"Concussion? What from?"

"The tire."

"The tire? What-"

And then it all came back to him, hit him harder than the tire ever could have, _slammed _the memory of Ed in the car as it exploded into obliteration and _death_ and he suddenly found himself unable to breathe and the world spinning around him.

"Roy. Roy, calm down, you're still unwell."

"Calm-calm _down?!_ Lieutenant my car-Edward was _inside_-"

"I know," she replied in an eerily quiet voice. Roy could experientially pick up on the strength and solemnity in her voice, and though it usually filled him with admiration, he could only feel sickened.

"But...so he was...?"

"I'm sorry, sir. There were no survivors."

"But-" Roy searched for the right words, searched for _any _words, searched for air in his lungs. "But maybe he escaped, maybe he got _out_ of the car, he's-he's a resourceful little shit-"

"By the time the flames were extinguished, there was only fragments of bone among the twisted metal. The only thing recoverable..." Riza trailed off as her pained eyes turned to the bedside table next to Roy.

He dared to turn his gaze to see the object, but immediately wished he hadn't. He stared transfixed in horror, tearing his eyes away only to roll over and vomit on the floor opposite the stand.

The stand holding one twisted, slagged and cooled, bodiless automail leg.

* * *

Roy didn't want to go home. He didn't want to face the silence where a talkative, thoughtful, daring, loving blond had been and never would be again.

He couldn't bring himself to go back to work, either. He couldn't focus on anything except grief.

Riza understood. She wasn't forcing him through it just yet. She made it known to Roy that she would be there for him. She confided that they entire team was ready to help him through this.

Through what?

Roy sat on the park bench surrounded by a beautiful day with a warm late winter breeze, but suffocating despite it.

Without Ed, his world had gone dark.

His blond warhead had gone; the shining sun of a bright man had gone dark. His light had been snuffed out.

By what? A two-bit carjacker?

Sure, the thief had paid the price. But so did Ed, who didn't deserve it, no matter who he'd pissed off in the past or how badly.

Roy had loved Ed with all his heart. And though Ed was gone, he still felt it. An ache so terrible, a swelling that he feared-and yet hoped-that it might explode inside him.

He had left Riza's place earlier that day and walked toward his home. _Their_ home.

The lights were off as they always were when Roy wasn't home.

What use did a blind man have for lights?

The front gate had managed to swing open.

Well, Ed couldn't get out and escape anyways.

Roy had nearly passed out just from being near the home, so he had wandered aimlessly into the park before spotting a bench that just begged for him to lay on.

Until a wolf growled behind him which prompted to slowly, listlessly sit up and look at the animal.

He was reminded of the wolf that saved Ed's life once.

He could swear that this was the same wolf.

"Why did you save him? He was destined to die. So am I. So are you. We all die."

The wolf stared at him, watching with alert ears and an intense gaze.

"Why did he have to survive everything? Human transmutation, twenty million things growing up, losing _everything_ and becoming strong again-just to _die_ in a pretty car crash?!"

Roy glared at the wolf with undeserved hatred, wanting to burst inside, wanting to vent anger.

Anger that would be pointless.

It wouldn't bring Ed back.

"It's not fair," Roy hissed. "It's not _FAIR!"_ He crossed his arms to his chest as he felt a sudden chill, wondering if his heart had suddenly turned to ice.

The wind blew again, colder this time; it chased the wolf away, leaving Roy cold and alone, so alone in the world.

Nobody to snuggle with him at night.

Nobody to tell him that his pain in the ass job had a goal.

Nobody to tell him that working for Ishvarlan justice was a noble aim, and not just a pointless foray in the tiny generational speck of human evolution and cultural cycle.

War, love, life, death; it all plays itself out over and over, only with different people and names and times.

"Life is pointless. It's only happy moments and painful ones until we die again. What's the point?"

"There is no point, you idiot."

Roy's head snapped to the left to spot Ed staring down at him with a contemptible smile above crossed arms.

"Yeah, we're all gonna die. But we can't mope about it until we do. Get off your ass and live. Go enjoy life-that's why we're alive!"

"Ed," Roy gasped in pained disbelief; "Ed, you're-"

Roy stared at the open space in front of him, words and breath caught in his throat and rending him silent.

Edward was gone. Vanished in front of his eyes.

Had he really been there?

No. Roy turned his head back to his hands, knowing they'd soon grow wet with fresh tears.

Ed didn't mean to haunt Roy. He may have promised it more than once, but Roy genuinely believed that the blond would want Roy to have peace.

But how could be, without Edward?

"Come back Ed," Roy moaned pitifully; "don't leave me now. Stay just a minute longer..."

Ed never turned away a begging Roy. Rival or lover, it was the one thing Ed could not resist.

Roy listened to the ethereal echoes on the howling wind, hearing only his mournful cries and nothing from his lost love.

Edward was, truly, gone.

* * *

Roy couldn't stay with Riza forever. It wasn't that Riza would ever kick him out.

Roy just couldn't subject Riza to himself.

He had become so quiet, inattentive, and apathetic. He figured that in time he'd eventually give a shit, but for the moment he knew he just needed to do nothing, and be nothing. He felt worthless as a sack of shit without Edward, but that didn't mean Riza had to put up with the metaphorical stench.

He finally returned home a week after the accident, managing to thank Riza for filing his time off with the excuse of injury.

Oh, he would bet that heartbreak was a real injury.

Still, Roy was glad for Riza's assistance. She had not only gotten him time off with a head injury excuse, but she had also done the hardest job that Roy couldn't even fathom in his state of mind.

Alphonse would have known something was wrong when he didn't hear from Ed via Dorset or phone. He finally received the terrible news from a diplomatic and emphatic Riza, neither of which Roy could hope to manage.

The man was lucky if he could even be coherent while delivering news like that.

Especially about the man he loved.

The man whose every trace was orderly and comfortably littered throughout the house, from the plush blanket on the central couch to the plethora of smoothie bottles in the fridge and sink.

And the lone, warped metal leg sitting on the kitchen table.

Reminding Roy that the house would always be _deathly_ silent.

No blond to do daring stunts down the stairs. To be shaved and showered in the mornings.

To snuggle up with after a long, hard day at work.

Edward, the one who was disabled in so many ways, had come to be the strongest person Roy knew, his pillar in life.

With his main support gone, Roy still couldn't dig his way out of suffering to find air to breathe.

"I've come to like you as you are," Roy crooned sadly. "Blind and deaf and everything. You turned them into weapons; played the role of trickster and fooled us all by only _pretending_ to be oblivious to so many things.

"It was because of your disabilities though, that I lost you." Roy grit his teeth as he formed white-knuckled fists. "You couldn't get out of the car in time. You couldn't see your way out-couldn't _feel_ the belt or the door-but I bet-I bet you knew what was coming, I bet you _panicked_-" He sucked in a sharp breath, finding himself again unable to breathe.

"And it's all my fault, you made me _promise_ not to leave you alone, and I did anyway. For what? You died for some fucking bananas? Why do you have to hate milk so much?! Damn you Edward!"

"Damn you, Mustang," Roy whispered quietly, laying down on the couch and wrapping himself in Edward's favorite blanket.

"It's your fault."


	75. Chapter 75

_To alonetogetherusyou_: The shortest chapter and it didn't even have Ed in it! *hides from the blond*  
_To Cutiepie120048_: Those onioninjas are crafty aren't they? Good at what they do!  
_To QueenWoofy_: How did your dream play out?  
_To speedfanatic05_: Ahhh I die (in a good way) when I get reviews like this. I love walls of text, especially the ones full of adoration and critique. I'm glad you love the story, even the recent chapters that have rocked the Mustang home into disarray. Glad to have you along for the ride; as you've read and the others can attest, there's quite a few twists and turns and loops on this coaster... :)  
_To TigerL1ly81_: You can't see the reviews on mobile? I can see it at the very bottom of the review page.

I'm sorry for making all you wonderful readers, reviewers and fangirls/boys cry. In public. In a mean way, it warms my heart when yours breaks, because that means I've told a story well and it's had its full effect on the audience. I love you guys though.

* * *

Roy wondered how long this grieving process was going to take. Sure, he was messed up for a while after Ishval, but he _had_ assisted in genocide. That at least was his fault. This wasn't.

Or so he kept trying to tell himself.

He had promised to not leave Ed alone, and broke that promise.

But Ed would have been able to escape had he possessed his senses!

Hell, if he had those, he probably wouldn't have become romantically involved with Roy.

Roy sighed and rolled over in his bed, ignoring the scratch of stubble against his arm as he clutched Ed's pillow to his face.

Playing out the same horrific scene and what-ifs were doing nothing for his remaining sanity, but he couldn't stop them.

Especially when he slept. For when he was awake, there was painfully blissful silence and peace to snap him to his lonely reality. In slumber however, every moment, every imagined scream, was as real as the fact that Edward was gone.

Roy finally dragged himself out of bed and schlumped downstairs, snuggling on the couch with Ed's blanket and his personal pistol.

He stared at the gleaming gun with the blanket wrapped around his shoulders. He shivered in the cold room, neglecting to turn on the fireplace and warm the heart as dead as the silence of the falling snow outside.

It was like this that Riza found him, staring down the barrel of the same pistol he'd held after the Ishvalan extermination.

She sat with him and reached for the gun, but was shocked as he just tossed it into her hand with a snort.

"Do you really think he would let me, Riza?"

"Who?"

"Edward. If I showed up to meet him at that gate, he'd hit me so hard that I'd end up alive again and just be stuck with the paperwork of my own death and discharge."

Riza couldn't help herself; she'd heard the humor in Roy's voice and had to hold back a chuckle.

"No, I can't die. Not yet. I don't know what to do next in life, not yet, but Ed would tell me to keep moving forward. Or at least kick my ass until I got moving." He sighed and hugged the blanket to himself, lowering his gaze. "I never want to forget him. But I need to let him go."

"Sir, you just haven't finished grieving-"

"It's been a month, Riza! A month that you've been filing for my injury to keep me out of work; a month that I can't-I can't sleep, he's always there, dying over and over, he suffers and burns in flames in my mind, I can't _take_ it."

"Let us help you. We are here for you. All of us, Roy."

"Y...yeah. Maybe I need to get out of this house and all of its memories..." Roy trailed off and rubbed his cheek thoughtfully.

"Sounds like a wonderful plan. Would you like to come over tonight? I'm making dinner and would love company."

"Hayate is a poor partner?"

"He's terrible at making conversation."

"I hope he at least does the dishes."

"That's the most fun part."

"I may just challenge you on that."

"I'll save them for you, then."

Roy cracked his first smile since the accident. "I'll be over around dinnertime, Riza. Thank you."

* * *

The dinner date turned out to be just what Roy needed. He was still far from over Ed, but he held his first engaged conversation since the accident and even made a joke about work.

He knew he'd be returning soon. Riza had reminded him yet again that everyone missed him, and had even commented that relations with Ishvar had begun to fall into despair-the only begging she'd ever done without a gun.

He'd thoroughly enjoyed her tuna casserole, but let slip that it was the first food he'd eaten in days. She understood his appetite, but nonetheless scolded him with a glare.

They parted ways that night, both feeling better for the company and delicious food. He promised her that he'd return to work within a few days, but managed to show his resilience with his arrival the following morning.

Not that he got anything done, that is.

His comrades and coworkers all could tell that he was still grieving, though he could at least take his attention off his pain to focus on the welcome distraction of conversation.

He even tried to hide when Armstrong appeared to help Roy "with the loss of the most amazing and talented young man he'd ever had the honor of meeting".

Roy's first day back to work had ended with more paperwork to do than when he arrived, but a different weight had lifted off him; he'd gotten through a bit of a different workload.

It would be a long time before he was ever anything close to full _well_, but for one day, he thought he did well.

Until he tried to sleep that night.

He jumped awake and looked around him to find himself alone in bed, the moonlight filtering in to illuminate and highlight the sheen of sweat on his bare skin.

With a shaky breath and poor attempt to calm his heavy breathing, Roy tried to forget the accident fresh again from his memory, replayed for him once again involuntarily in his dream.

"Do you really mean to haunt me Ed," Roy whispered painfully; "or can I just not let go?"

Roy wanted peace. But he still missed Ed too much to release his attachment to the man he would never again have or hold.

Though he knew it would only cause him undue suffering, he held onto the memories of the love he lost, always wishing unfruitfully to have Ed back.

Human transmutation had definitely crossed his mind. And as he sat awake but still so very tired and disoriented, it flitted through his thoughts again, tempting a man in agony.

"Who am I kidding," Roy moaned, rubbing at his eyes. "Had you been a weaker man, I wouldn't be afraid if your reaction to the forbidden alchemy. But for me to just think about it...you'd rather stay dead, wouldn't you."

Rolling over in bed, Roy pacified himself with Ed's pillow and the thought that he was right, that Ed would hate him for trying that for him.

It was with this lingering support from the long-gone blond that Roy finally found enough comfort to enjoy a dreamless sleep.

* * *

Roy and Riza both considered it a rousing success when he managed to complete more than five pieces of paperwork in one day. He'd welcomed distraction of course, but was able to focus on the political matters laid out in text without verbal counsel from his subordinates.

He was also immensely grateful that Riza gave most of his paperwork to his men to do.

He left work a bit early with the excuse to Riza that he felt a bit claustrophobic in his office. It wasn't completely untrue; he may not get panic attacks like Ed did, but he did still get uncomfortable around other people.

Roy wondered if he was rushing the grieving process.

Still without a vehicle, as per his choosing, he left the multitudinous steps of Central Command and made his way toward the park. He knew he would only feel sick at home alone; at least in the park it would be a happy medium between both extremes-people coming, people going, and he could get up and move on when he felt uncomfortable.

With an unceremonious slump, Roy rested himself on the only red bench in the entire park as he awaited activity.

The first arrivals were two teenage boys playing frisbee with their dog. Such love for life and his companions was clear in the animal, and helped remind Roy that every moment could be happy.

He also wondered if he should get a dog to help with his loneliness. Maybe he could borrow Hayate for a week or two.

Nah, Hayate isn't as much trouble as Ed was, even on a good day. He'd be bored.

The next scene to grace him only a short while later was a little girl chasing a butterfly, her mother easily keeping up with the curious toddler.

Roy liked kids. With Ed though, he would never have them. Then again, his career choice would prevent him from being the best father possible.

Ed would've made a good father.

The two ran off again, leaving Roy to watch the birds and squirrels and bask in the otherwise silent evening.

Until the most peaceful visitors arrived.

An elderly couple arrived hand in hand, walking peacefully along the park pathway. A man and woman who could never be more in love and enjoy the peaceful silence, perfectly happy just to be together.

That's what it should have been for Roy and Ed.

Growing old together. Nourished by love, living on laughter and heartache and annoyance and friendship.

But one carjacker stole that away from him.

He couldn't help himself-Roy hadn't cried in weeks-but as he saw the happy couple, he put his head into his hands and broke into sobs.

He didn't know if the poor couple saw him losing control again. A grown man, a strong man of high rank in the Amestrian military uniform, breaking in front of them.

He just knew that when he finally dried his eyes, the world was again silent and lonely.

Just as the chill of evening and a grayed sunset swept him and he considered taking his leave, did he notice two curious eyes watching him.

Roy watched the wolf with intrigue, thinking it looked awfully similar to the wolf he once rescued Ed from.

As he stared at those painfully ironic golden eyes, he knew he was right.

"You," Roy whispered as though the wolf could understand him; "you save him from a drunken suicide only for him to be killed in a car accident."

The wolf's ears flicked forward to face him, its head cocking curiously.

"I'm grateful for the extra time with him," Roy added softly. "I just wish I hadn't been so stupid and lost him to an accidentally broken promise."

Eyes squinting as though the animal had grown bored of Roy's odd human speech, the wolf leaned down to pick up a dead squirrel at its forepaws-undoubtedly one Roy had been watching earlier-before trotting off casually.

"Hey," Roy protested, suddenly not wanting to be alone. "Can I thank you for what you did?" He followed the wolf diligently as it made its way the length of the park. "I can buy you some better food than that."

And so it was that Roy was following a wolf around Central Park and talking to it like a human stranger on a cold evening with waning daylight.

"Do you actually have pups like Riza said?" Roy followed the wolf all the way out of the park and down toward the slums of town. "Raising your kids in the dangerous part of town, huh?"

The wolf finally ended its extensive series of twists and turns through streets of Central, turning into an alley adjacent to a street near the canals.

Roy curiously followed the flicking tail to the alleyway entrance, glad for any distraction in his Ed-deprived world.

It was growing very dark very fast, and though the streetlights hadn't yet been lit, he could just barely make out the shapes in the alleyway. As his eyes focused to the accentuated darkness between buildings, he stared in disbelief at the sight before him.


	76. Chapter 76

_To RoseBadwolf1000_: I enjoyed reading your internalized (and textualized) narrative. And then your rollercoaster of emotions. :)  
_To alonetogetherusyou_: ...I would love to see a seahorse Ed now. Insert comment here about how tiny seahorses are.  
_To DoomsdayBeamXD_: This has been my longest and most (I don't want to say drawn out, moreso...) patient story. I knew most of the plot before I began writing but it's been evolving and growing and becoming its own actual experience, its own life. And you guys are helping with that. Thank you. :D  
_To J.K. Kelly_: Called it! (Not paying up, I'm a broke writer *coughnotreally*)  
_To QueenWoofy_: Aww, that's cute! Can I use that in a later chapter? :)  
_To RageOfPhoenix_: Awesome! Glad I could help! Where did you move from/to?  
_To MisguidedGhost1_: It's reviews like yours, telling me I'm able to show you what I see and feel, that make me stick with the story. Welcome to the family :)

Another kinda short one, sorry guys!  
And in a slightly different narrative-mentioning now to avoid confusion!

* * *

I don't know if I made it out of the car before all hell broke loose. I thought I felt the door give way but then so did my seat as I was suddenly thrown from the vehicle with such force, such _propulsion_-

I wish I didn't remember so well what happened next, because it still gives me nightmares. Very painful nightmares.

I don't know how I was thrown from the vehicle, but I sure felt it when I landed. I hit something vertical before falling down, landing almost weightlessly as though on a cloud.

But oh, clouds don't suffocate you with ice when you inhale.

I was freezing to my core where I was warm just minutes before. I had a searing pain in my right hip completely unrelated to the fact that I couldn't breathe.

I was being rolled around, my orientation was repeatedly upturned; my head was spinning just as much as my body as it suffered from suffocation.

Why couldn't I breathe? Why was I so cold? How was I _rolling_ like this?

Those were the questions my oxygen-deprived mind asked before the obvious hit me just before the landing did.

I was in water.

When I found a wonderful combination of air and a solid surface that remained in place, I was able to steady my coughing after the liquid vomiting and figure out some semblance of what had happened to me. I must have been blown out of the car and right into Central's canal waterway system.

In winter.

Glad to be out but too numb-I laughed at myself when I realized the pun of that phrase-from the water, I painfully crawled the only safe direction I could determine: uphill.

The going was, quite literally, excruciatingly slow. My hip was in more pain than sparring or automail misalignment could ever had caused, and it felt suspiciously like something had broken.

Probably when I slammed the wall before hitting water.

I stopped for a rest only when I finally hit a wall. Knowing I was safe from the water but not from the soaked clothes on my body, I tried to figure out a way to dry them while still on me so I wouldn't lose them.

Oh, duh; I'm an alchemist, aren't I?

With a clap my clothes were instantly dry, but I was still freezing to the core.

I tried calling out for help for a long time, but no one came. In desperation, I dealt with the pain of my hip injury and poorly crawled around blindly, doing my best to hug a wall as my guide.

Despite my best efforts, I found a dead end with my only exit being back where I came. I cried out in frustration and caught my breath from pained heaving before crying out for help again.

No one came.

Just like when I was still in Risembool with Winry and Al-

Although this time, I screamed, and still I was left alone. Unheard or ignored, I was unanswered.

Disabled, unable to fend for myself, and completely on my own.

I feared I would die within a day.

* * *

Maybe Truth hadn't forsaken me completely. Or maybe he's only teasing me.

Despite days without anybody replying to my cries for help, I've managed to stay alive. I miraculously traced my way back to the canal landing and managed to get some of the water in me to keep myself from death, no matter what may be lurking in the liquid.

Thank _goodness_ I have no sense of taste.

Alas, after a week I could no longer make the trip. Fearful of rain and canal flooding I'd always made my way back to the safety of higher ground, but growing weakness-an ironic phrase if ever there was one-left me unable to traverse the laboriously painful distance to water.

Still with no response to my cries, I could only hope for a miracle to keep me alive long enough for a friend or loved one to find me.

I waited, always waited, for Roy to find me. That it had been so long that I was left alone had me worried that he hadn't come for me.

Many thoughts ran through my head; concerns that he'd been injured by my kidnapper before piloting the car, or worse.

Even so, Riza would have come after me, or one of the guys. Surely they wouldn't leave me _forever _to die.

Unless they thought I already was dead.

I wondered just how bad the car accident was.

It _did_ fling me into water and break my hip...

Oh, how my hip pained me so much. When I finally ran out of fuel to go back to my watering hole, I felt a morbid relief that I wouldn't have to suffer the trip again.

I didn't want to die, but I was so _over_ the constant pain from every movement.

The only sustenance I had left to survive on was my thoughts of Roy.

At home, alone, probably missing me.

Keeping warm by the fire, unaware of how I had nearly frozen more than once...

I think it even snowed one night.

It was so cold at night. I had only a base layer on; damn myself for getting that pudding on my shirt. When I transmuted my clothing into civilian garb, I'd shed the jacket and skirt because it was so much _lighter_ without them.

I really could have used them though. Spring wasn't as close as Roy told me it was.

I don't think he meant to lie to me.

Of course he didn't. You can't doubt him.

But he hasn't come for me yet.

Nobody has. It's not just him.

I had to reign in my thoughts more than once as dehydration sunk in and took an iron grip on me.

I had sank further and further into self-inflicted mental doubt and torment, but still held onto the hope that he would come for me. That Roy would rescue me.

Roy hadn't let me lose hope in the beginning, I sure couldn't do it to him now.

With only moments to spare, hope found me.

* * *

At first I hadn't understood what the nudging and movement was. I was so disoriented from dehydration than I didn't immediately notice it. As the movements grew stronger however, something finally clicked in my head and I knew I wasn't alone.

I cried out, no doubt in unintelligible slurring, asking for help. I pleaded for water and for home, and I think I would have explained my predicament if I was able to think straight.

Immediately after I was moved enough to cause a _searing_ pain in my hip and I cried out in turn, the concerned nudging disappeared.

Despite the pain and realization of returning loneliness, I clung onto hope enough to fight tears and further dehydration.

And suddenly, as it was growing cold again, I felt warmth. Like a blanket had laid over me, a sudden warmth surrounded me and gave me the greatest comfort I'd had all week.

Was I finally giving in to death? Had I unconsciously allowed myself to slip into the blissful comfort of physical desertion?

No. I realized I was still in the mortal realm when the apparent living blanket suddenly moved enough to knock into my hip and sear me with pain.

I was still definitely alive.

But who was this? Why wasn't I just taken somewhere for help? Why wasn't he responding to my plea for food, water, or Roy?

As soon as I had awoken the next day, I felt next to me and found the warmth. It shifted under the dead feelers of my hands and, I suppose, sat up. A bit of tentative studying from myself and I could just make out the shape of my savior.

Well, I could understand why my words hadn't been responded to.

It wasn't a person who found me-it was a _dog!_ A big dog with a big body and apparently a big heart. It kept me warm that night and I hoped it would stay and keep me company until I was rescued.

_If_ I was rescued.

I didn't know at the time just how long it would be before I was found and how much learning I would have to do and how much cooperation with an animal it would take to survive.

I think the dog figured out that I couldn't physically make it to water, and I don't know how he did it, but he did try to truck some water back and forth for me. Unfortunately, without clues on when he was giving it to me, our efforts were in vain.

I finally acceded to sense and spent what little energy I had remaining. With a clap of my hands and small alchemic reaction, I pushed toward the dog a bowl made of the cold stone I'd been lying on for the past week.

Thank goodness I was adopted by a smart dog, because he brought the bowl to me in minutes, and I was able to drink my first water in days.

After several fills, I curled up on the ground again, allowing myself a rest and some time to recover. I was eternally thankful to the dog, and as soon as he snuggled up against me, I let him know by stroking him gently until I finally drifted off.

* * *

I never knew what the dog fed me. He began bringing food immediately, and it was usually cold and solid but never all that large of a bite, except in the beginning where he must have given me something _whole_ and I nearly choked to death on it. Thankfully he figured it out, because the food from then on was in smaller pieces.

This dog not only fetched me water, but tore and gnawed food apart for me.

I wondered _where_ he got the food from.

Perhaps food scraps from a dumpster? Roadkill from the streets?

I liked to think it was food handouts from begging.

It made it a _little_ easier to choke it down.

Throughout the whole thing, I wondered constantly why Roy hadn't come for me. Why I hadn't been rescued. Why nobody, in the nearly a month that I'd been stuck here, could put effort into even _tracking dogs_ to find me.

The government put more effort into finding criminals than they did for their disabled!

Did they really think I was dead?

Would I spend the rest of my life there, in near-starvation, wondering when sickness would take me and finally kill me?

With nobody to comfort me but a street mutt.

I guess a dog of the military has to end up on the streets with all the other strays...


	77. Chapter 77

**Mar. 16:** The epic POWERS OF CREATION have shown themselves! In the ominous forms of lightning and hail, the forces of fire and ice came together today and shook the earth with a thunderous explosion!  
Today was my first hailstorm. It was my favorite thing ever.

_To Secret Companion_: Neat ideas! That would be pretty cool.  
_To __Rage0fPhoenix_: Sure you do! Well, Taglish at least, right? Haha. Magandang araw, ingat ka :)

Sorry for taking so long, guys. It's um. Masquerade on Subeta and I've been dancing. Hee~

* * *

He couldn't believe his eyes.

The lighting was questionable and Roy wondered if lingering hope was playing tricks on him-

No. He knew better.

He took a step forward to enter the alleyway, as though he were locking himself into the scene so it wouldn't be whisked cruelly away from him.

Only in his dreams did he imagine seeing Edward again.

And _whole_, breathing, awake, _alive!_

Roy found his own breath had been stolen.

Ed was laying unprotected with a pile of filthy rags under his left side, his surprisingly clean golden locks hopelessly knotted beyond his ability to repair.

He was wearing the same clothing that Roy remembered from the uniform transmutation, complete with smartass shirt.

He was clean-moving, albeit slowly-and when he spoke to the wolf as it nudged him, Roy's heart slammed into his chest so hard it actually hurt.

"Hey, did you bring dinner?"

Ed's breathy words were accompanied by a shaking hand that stroked the wolf's cheek without fear.

He sounded so _casual_.

But also so _weak_.

Finally able to come to his senses, Roy took full inventory of Ed's situation. He mentally noted Ed's alleyway home and the alchemically perfect stone bowl holding the last dregs of murky water, and then the pile of well-chewed bones several feet away.

He noted a rather unpleasant smell in the entire corridor, one more rank than the other alleys he'd passed through to find Ed.

Sewage.

Though Roy know the city layout enough to know Ed wasn't near a disease-ridden sewer system, he was hardly comforted; for he knew the smell was coming from his partner.

Ed had clearly been keeping himself clean using alchemy, and likely daily. However, the dirt particles didn't merely disappear into thin air; they simply were propelled around him-onto the ground and the walls, and for the extent of Ed's stay in the alley, the area was raunch with the collective odor.

The watering in Roy's eyes wasn't from the smell, though.

To see Ed in such poverty-and the man had no _idea _just how bad he appeared-

He wondered just how wise Ed was to his appearance.

The wolf's offering of Ed's requested dinner suddenly took his attention and sickened him.

Roy was grateful to the wolf for providing for Ed, but to see it tear up a dead squirrel and place shreds of tendon, sinew, skin and blood and _fur_ into the blond's hand for him to eat-

Ed took it almost ravenously to his mouth but chewed slowly, attempting a swallow before it had been macerated fully. He choked on it and accidentally dropped it on the ground, and Roy stared in horror as the wolf replaced the dirtied mangle of flesh into Ed's hand and he finally choked it down.

"Oh, my god."

As though picking up on his energy signature for the first time since Roy had been watching, Ed's golden eyes mirrored the wolf's as they turned toward the alleyway entrance where Roy stood.

"Is someone there?" Ed asked haltingly, his voice flecked with hopeful uncertainty. It grew stronger as he asked again, before shifting to begging and pleading that broke Roy's heart.

"Hello? Please, I-I need help, I'm blind and deaf, I can't walk, I need-I need to find my way home, I'm lost, please-"

"Oh Ed," Roy murmured, striding forward to kneel down next to his partner. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm going to take you home."

As though Ed's sensing ability finally clued into _who _was in front of him, he broke. He threw himself into Roy's chest, grasping weakly at the blue uniform.

"Roy? Roy?! You-you came-I thought that-you-you-" Ed put his head down as Roy's arms wrapped around him. "I-I knew it would be y-you to rescue me b-but what _took _you so long?!"

_I'm so sorry,_ Roy tapped to Ed's back as they both sobbed. _The carjacker had automail, we thought it was you who died in the fire_...

"F-fire? Your car...oh." Though he quieted down, Roy could see Ed's eyes flicking back and forth calculatedly. "I was thrown f-from the car...I think it exploded..."

_Monumentally_.

And Roy had thought he'd never hear it again, so when Edward choked on a laugh, his heart leaped.

"Roy a-a dog, it saved me, it's been taking care of me..."

_Yes, that's the wolf that rescued you before._

"Wolf? Wait Roy did you tap _wolf?_"

_Your canine friend is a wolf._

"N-not canine then, dumbass, l-lupine." Ed struggled to rein in his emotions and shaking with reasoning, his old fallback.

_Canis lupus. Still a canid_.

"Oh fine you win one," Ed gasped as he failed to stop his shaking. "Roy I'm-I still feel afraid that I'm going to let go and you'll disappear, that this is a dr-dream, please, take me home..."

_I won't leave you. Can you walk?_

"Uhm, not a chance in...m-my hip, I think something is broken."

_It hasn't healed at all?_

"I know you can be s-stupid but come on do you think it-it could?" Ed channeled his wildly fluctuating emotions into reasoning and mock annoyance. "Even _if_ I had proper n-nutrition, I wouldn't let it because it-it could heal _wrong_ and make my-my-my life _worse!_"

_You kept it broken for a month?_

Roy was no fool. He knew Ed would have had hellish pain from moving the broken region daily.

"Better temporary crippling now than-than permanent in the future..."

Roy squeezed Ed closer to him, trying to be strong for his partner but still trembling tremendously.

"You've really been through hell. I just hope it doesn't affect you for too long." Roy kissed Ed's forehead, wishing he could erase the emotional and psychological suffering Ed had gone through in his month of abandonment.

Roy lifted Ed as carefully as possible, but the blond suddenly reached out blindly.

"Can't-can't lose hope."

"You don't have to worry, Ed. You're safe now."

"No no," Ed gasped as Roy began to leave the alleyway; "hope-need to keep hope!"

"Ed, we're going to be fine. We're together again."

"Hope," Ed repeated, eyes darting uselessly in the darkness.

"What are you on about?" Roy managed to tap _what_ to Ed despite having his arms full of the alarmingly _light_ man.

"Hope," Ed replied in exasperation. "We can't leave hope behind. Hope!"

In the darkness, Roy hadn't noticed the wolf loyally looking to Ed as he spoke; but as Ed called once more, the aforementioned canid stood with its forepaws against Roy, nudging its nose caringly against Ed.

"The _wolf_ is Hope?"

"I named him," Ed explained tiredly, finally re-syncing somewhat with his universal ability of omnipresence. "He found me when I was nearly dead. He was hope for survival. Hope for you finding me alive."

Though Ed spoke so calmly, Roy was anything but. Knowing that Ed was so close to death while waiting-and had _accepted_ it-

Roy was going to pamper the ever-loving beans out of Edward when he was well.

"We'll bring Hope with us. I'll even adopt him if you want to."

As though picking up on Roy's words yet again, Ed spoke softly through his exhaustion.

"Can we keep him?"

"Of course. Hope is here to stay."

* * *

Ed had slipped unconscious before arrival at the hospital, and so Roy couldn't tell the man that they weren't going straight home. He figured Ed would understand the reasoning and see sense, but he was glad he couldn't disappoint Ed right away.

He was present when Ed was beginning to awaken, but crossed his arms in anxious anticipation as Ed was sedated immediately and wheeled to surgery to repair his hip.

He only hoped that Ed would make it now that he was finally in a safe environment.

Once Roy had made it into the hospital and seen Ed clearly in the bright artificial lighting, he saw more details than he cared to.

Ed was pale, more pale than Roy had ever seen him. It only accentuated how _thin_ he'd become in a month, dwarfing any malnourishment he'd had in the past.

Between the cleanliness of Ed's food and the apparent canal water he'd been drinking, it didn't surprise him. Ed was lucky if he didn't have parasites or worse.

He _leapt _out of his chair when Ed's doctor appeared, all too eager to listen when the man finally spoke after hesitation.

"His hip will heal, and just fine. It's a miracle it hasn't healed on its own, because it would surely have caused a permanent misalignment."

Roy stared at the doctor in disbelief. Edward had been right.

"He's extremely malnourished, but otherwise healthy. We're giving him de-worming medication as a precaution, based on his diet and his...friend." The doctor eyed Hope warily, clearly uneasy from being in the presence of a wolf.

"So he's...expected to make a full recovery," Roy breathed in overwhelming relief.

"I'm certainly optimistic!" The man beamed. "He's still a healthy young man despite the ordeal. We actually had to give him extra sedation during surgery because he kept fighting to wake up!"

"That's Ed," Roy said with a chuckle, eager to see his healthy blond again. "Is he awake?"

"Fresh out of surgery, but he should be coming to at any moment. He's cleared for visitors."

"Thank you, Dr. Shanks."

"Call me to the room if you have any questions."

Roy immediately set off for Ed's room with a bubbly feeling in his heart that had been gone since Ed's disappearance.

He could hardly wait until Ed was discharged and could go _home_.

They could snuggle. He missed their long Dorset chats about life, the universe...well, everything.

Roy would have to make new smoothies for Ed!

And tell Riza that he was okay. That they _both_ were.

He had to call Alphonse and tell him that his baby brother had survived!

All of Roy's excitement left him as he walked into the hospital room and saw Edward.

Still very pale despite the warmer environment and top medical care, Ed laid unconscious in the pristine white bed, masked by the wires to his chest and arms and the tube to his face mask.

Wasn't he breathing fine before? What happened?

Slowly making his way to the chair at Ed's side, he watched Ed with a sense of unfamiliarity. He knew he was lucky to have Ed even alive, after over a _month_ of the disabled man being mostly alone with no shelter; but to see the man he'd always viewed as so unshakeable, to see Ed, his emotional crutch, like this-

It seemed so unreal. So wrong.

"Stabbit," Ed sighed weakly. His voice was muffled slightly by the mask, but the reason Roy had barely heard him was because it was so _tired_.

"Stab?"

"Stappit," Ed repeated, eyes blinking slowly awake and not completely in synchronization. "Stahp...it."

_Stop what?_ Roy tapped to Ed's chest with an effort to be gentle.

"What? Har-harder." Ed sucked in deeply before coughing, rather heavily and then wheezily, into the mask. "The hell..."

_You're wearing a breathing mask_, Roy explained to him with firmer tapping. _How do you feel?_

"Heavy," Ed grumbled. "Why...breathin'...mask?"

_I don't know._

"Wasn't I...breathing just-" After the second coughing fit, Roy took Ed's hand and insisted that they both stick to Dorset for the time being.

_Maybe it's because they had you sedated._

_Why sedation?_

_They fixed your hip_.

A smile formed on Ed's face as the thought sank in. He slowly moved the hip area to find it relatively free of pain.

"No...shit," Ed mumbled, grasping Roy's hand tightly. _So this isn't a dream. You really found me_.

_Yes, Ed,_ Roy answered between heartbreak. _I'm sorry it took me so long._

_Because you thought I was dead, right?_

_Yes._ _The carjacker must have had automail like you, because that's all we found in the car after the fire._

Ed's eyes flickered in memory from when Roy had told already told him of the conflagration. _Right, right. And how bad am I? Can I go home today?_

_I'll have to ask. I'd guess another day or two due to injury and malnourishment_.

Roy didn't miss the crestfallen expression Ed gave in response to the answer, but he did try to cheer him up.

_At least it'll be warm here, right? And I won't leave your side_.

"Oh, uhm, y-you won't?" Ed's eyes darted around nervously.

_Of course not. You've been gone too long. I need all the Edward I can get right now._

Ed squeezed Roy's hand with a worrisome lack of strength.

_I missed you Roy. I was so worried I'd die._

_I'm glad you didn't. I don't know how long I could stand that heartbreak._

Roy tried to turn Ed's thoughts to them being _together _again and away from that dark place that he'd been for so long.

_You're safe now, got it?_ Roy tapped again when Ed remained quiet. _I won't let you out of my sight again, you little troublemaker_.

Ed's golden eyes flickered in sudden recognition, and Roy would have liked to blame it on the effects of sedation, but he knew Ed's reply was marred by the past month-

"I...I'm not small," Ed said in a mere whisper, clearly _trying_ to put effort into it. "I can b-beat your-"

And then he broke in front of Roy again, his hydrated body let spill the tears of waiting, of loss, of unquenchable hope.

"I'm sorry Roy I-" Ed sniffled, his halting words affected not by his face mask but by his mental torment. "I should have tried to get back to you sooner-"

"Oh, oh no." Roy had seen this psychology in men before. "You are _not _blaming yourself for this."

_You were injured and lost, Ed. You did everything you could_.

"No I didn't!" He cried further, forming white knuckles. "I could have-I could have used _alchemy_, m-maybe alerted someone with it, but..."

_But?_

"Well I couldn't _see_ and what if I broke something and hurt someone?!"

_You did what you could, Ed._

"But it wasn't _enough! _You thought I was dead, what must that ha-have been, it m-must have been _hell_ on you!"

Oh. Ed wasn't blaming himself for the entire thing. Only for Roy's heartache.

"Dammit Ed _you_ were in pain too!"

_I'm not the only one in this relationship, you know. Your heart matters to me more than my own_.

"But I never want to cause you pain," Ed whined pitifully, seeming so _unlike_ himself. "For all you do for me..."

_Just as much as you do for me. We rely on each other, Edward. Not just for survival of the body, but of the heart._

"I love you Roy," Ed murmured through another round of tears, furtively squeezing Roy's hand when offered. "I'm going to make this up to you, I swear it, I am. I'm sorry..."

"You should never apologize for this, Edward. This is the farthest thing from your fault."

Roy slipped into Ed's hospital bed to snuggle with him without aggravating the healing hip. He brushed the tears from Ed's cheeks and the stray strands from his eyes-and he _knew_ his trembling blond sensed that-and pulled Ed close for the comfort of them both.

_No laying blame for what happened,_ Roy tapped gently as Ed calmed down. _It wasn't your fault. It wasn't mine. It was just a random crime that went very wrong_.

"When you're alone," Ed whispered after a moment's thought, his voice quiet but much stronger; "you try to stay optimistic and reasonable but you're the only one to contend with the irrational thoughts and, maybe, you start believing them, both sides of you..."

_But you know now the truth, right?_

"And yet there's still a part of me that wants to believe what never was, because it was so _real_ just hours ago..."

_Will I have to make a liar out of you?_

"Roy, I wish you would," Ed murmured quietly as he closed his eyes and turned his head toward Roy.

"Don't worry Ed, I'll make sure you never have to deal with that again."

* * *

True to Roy's word, Hawkeye put in for time off for her Colonel and even visited after her work hours.

Ed was damned glad for the company, because even though he was no longer cold, hungry or in pain; he still couldn't sate the lonely and neglected hole in his heart.

Rationality told him it would go away in time, but his emotions told rationality to piss off.

Ed was finally released three days later, in part due to his speedy recovery and his incessant requests to go _home_.

He was accompanied by Roy to push his wheelchair and Riza and Hope at his side, and though he initially thought it would bother him, he didn't mind when he finally made it into the vehicle to be driven home.

Riza had proven herself a capable driver, and after all, if there were any carjackers on the way-well, even a near-immortal homunculus couldn't survive those flames and that gun.

Upon arrival, Ed commented on his affection for wheelchairs.

"You don't have a ramp anyway. How are you gonna get it into your house? Just carry me in. I can take a little pain."

_Do you forget I know alchemy, o doubtful one? I can make a ramp._

"And resist an excuse to carry me? It's up to you."

_Touché_.

Roy indeed carried Ed into the house, judging Ed's comfort by the hissing of pain from hip jostling. He also had to have Riza hold Hope at bay; for every time Ed made even the _slightest_ of noise the wolf tried to leap up to check on its adopted human.

"Couch," Ed requested, clutching tightly to Roy's neck. "I miss that couch."

"Not as much as I missed you." Roy carefully laid Ed on the couch, asking Riza to keep Ed company just with a single glance.

"I have to go make him some smoothies."

"Of course, sir." Riza took up residence on the cushion aside Ed's and struck up a conversation to evade boredom for them both.

_I'm so glad you're alive and well_.

"Alive sure; I dunno about _well_..."

_Your hip will heal in time_.

"It's not just that. It's..." Ed turned his sightless eyes downward, but they practically burned with vision. "I was alone, for a month. Nobody came for me. I didn't know why. I wondered why. I thought nobody would come. I thought I would _die_. I thought-it crossed my mind, that Roy didn't come because his life was _easier_ without me to take care of. That maybe he'd finally get a promotion because he could focus on his work."

_A promotion? Until recently his grief made him unable to work._

"What- really? He just got back to work?"

_And not even a hundred percent yet._

"That slacker," Ed mumbled affectionately, petting Hope's head as the wolf nudged his chest.

_He was completely heartbroken, Ed. When he lost you he lost his way. It was only thinking of your optimism and determination that set him back into moving forward_.

Ed repeatedly rubbed Hope's neck in a slow and thoughtful motion, only returning to the present when nudged again with the furry muzzle.

"Even dead, I inspire, huh?" He laughed nervously.

_We all missed you_.

"So, uh," Ed said jokingly; "was the funeral nice?"

_We had a private one recently. The guys thought that the news should release your passing so you could be honored by all, but Roy couldn't allow it to happen._

"I...wow...so there _was _a funeral. I really am dead huh...?"

_Only on paper. We changed it to MIA yesterday_.

"You did I bet. Roy is incompetent with paperwork."

_I hear the affection in your voice._

"Wishful thinking."

_Here he comes with your lunch_.

"Oh, food!" Ed absentmindedly touched his mouth. "It's not solid, is it?"

_No. Your smoothies._

"Ever since Hope fed me solid food, I...I don't like it anymore."

_Understandable for what he fed you._

"Do you know? Roy wouldn't tell me." Ed pointedly turned his gaze toward Roy. "Was it bread? Maybe even something out of a dumpster?"

"Oh geez, don't _tell _him, Riza..."

"Would you rather him think he was getting rotten and heavily bacterial food from a dumpster?"

"I, I can't pick up on things that well yet," Ed said haltingly; "but I can tell someone is lying. Tell me the truth. What was Hope feeding me?"

"Do we really have to tell him? There must be a _nice_ way to phrase it."

"In any other scenario, you'd love to color the description for Edward," Riza commented on their relationship. "Just tell him Hope hunted for him."

"Right." Roy turned his gaze back to Ed, who looked to be using all his will to focus.

_The one time I saw you eat, Hope had hunted for you_.

"Hunted what?"

_A... Squirrel_.

"Oh. _Oh_. He actually _hunted?_ And I ate-" Ed mouthed silent words before trailing off, gaining a thoughtful look. "Well, it wasn't my first squirrel, but I've never had them _raw_..."

"You ate squirrel?!" Roy cried in disbelief, staring at Ed in shock as Riza only laughed.

"Whoa! Calm down Roy," Ed urged as he was slammed with Roy's reaction. "I had more than one time I had to hunt for survival, Al and I both did! We didn't always get pampered on our journey like you did."

"Yes, I loved the pampering of fighting homunculi and soulless animated dummies. And going blind was the best pampering ever," Roy grumbled dryly, even more annoyed-and simultaneously endeared-with Ed for the mocking, knowing grin on his face.

"So what now? I'm thankful for the pain meds for my hip," Ed said as he held up the smoothie Roy handed to him; "one of which I have no doubt you put in this meal."

_But they're not in every cup_.

"No repeat of last time, Roy? It was nice to be pain free. And you know I _did_ break a hip."

_And you call me the old one in this relationship_.

"Geez how am I gonna get _around_," Ed moaned. "Eating or bathroom or..."

_Crutches are out of the question_.

"Was it the blindness or balance that gave you that bright idea?" Ed retorted, but just as quickly as he threw the response out, he looked apologetic. "Ah, sorry, sorry..."

"He's apologizing?" Roy blurted in disbelief as Riza studied them both.

"He may not be fully back to being himself, Roy."

_What are you apologizing for, Ed?_

"I told you I was gonna make it up to you...and here I am being an asshole."

_I fell in love with an asshole. I expect that from you. I love that about you_.

"But I-for so long you were-and you couldn't even _work_-"

_I'm sorry I didn't find you sooner. You're sorry you couldn't get back to me. Now it's done. No more apologies for what we can't help and what's in the past. Okay?_

"...Holy hell you're getting long winded," Ed mumbled jokingly. "You're sure there's nothing I can do to-"

_Just be yourself. Let your heart heal. That hip too, don't be too obstinate just yet_.

"I'll-I'll try," Ed tossed back, taking another slow sip of his smoothie.

"Would you like me to schedule more time off for you, sir?" Riza asked professionally, watching her further-disabled friend swish the plastic cup in his hands with an apathetic expression on his face.

"Too much more time off and I may need to worry about a demotion," Roy grumbled in return, sitting down next to Ed on the couch. "But somebody needs to watch Ed because he can't get around."

"As well as his current mental state."

"He's a little bit mopey Riza; I don't think he's _depressed_."

"Don't let Edward's characteristic resilience fool you, Roy. He is still largely trapped in his own mind, and may forget where he is until he's reminded enough times that the ordeal is over, he _is _in fact safe and will remain so."

Roy turned his gaze to his quiet partner, observing the withdrawn man with the forgotten smoothie in hand, tenderly rubbing at his injured hip. With a light prodding in the side, Roy reminded Ed that he was there-and unintentionally caused the man to jump in fright.

"Wh-who-" Ed's golden eyes flitted around the room before landing on Roy and filling with relief. "Roy...Roy, o-okay."

"Come on Ed," Roy said with a mock hurt tone to his voice; "you didn't forget me _that_ fast did you?"

"I'm glad to be home," Ed said quietly, "but I'm having some trouble _staying _here. I'm sorry Roy."

"You're slipping into painful memories and you're apologizing to _me?_" Careful of Ed's hip, he pulled the man into his arms and laid himself under Ed, marveling again at how light he'd become. "Sometimes, Riza, I hate it when you're right."

Riza watched as Ed settled all too willingly into Roy's arms like a child craving comfort after a nightmare.

"Me too."


	78. Chapter 78

_To debracolvin _: Wow! I honestly wasn't aware of how much rehabilitation went into a broken hip. However, this is the early 1900s...and in a different world too, so other than Roy instituting Ed's rehabilitation at home, we'll assume this is normal for Amestrians? ;)  
_To Hopefully a help_: I'm sorry my story is growing dull for you. I mean it to be Ed's adventure through his sensory deprivation-whether it's learning to live deprived, or learning to love all the stupid little things in life-because if you can't appreciate the little things, you can't appreciate the big things. I do add smaller and seemingly insignificant side-stories and characters, and little fluffy bits, and my excuse for the unicorn is-why not? The entire story came about as 'I wonder what it would be like for Ed without his senses... why not?' While I understand what you mean, I hope everyone out there is okay with my filler chapters, because there will be some more in the future, but there will be new circumstances as well. That said, your arc is coming soon. If it doesn't sate you, well, I hope that your life is more exciting than my boring story. ;)  
_To justaislinn_: Oh, neat! I'm not an empath myself, but I tell ya, my uncanny ability to react to something just before it happens has _really_ come in handy. Especially driving forklift, you don't even _know_.  
_To DoomsdayBeamXD_: YAY! Glad you like :D  
_To Secret Companion_: But admit it, it's a side of Ed we can't get enough of right?  
_To YamiYuikiElric_: I've never heard of audio alternatives! (Well, I know about books on tape, and I guess there had to be incarnations in other media, but I never knew of it for fanfictions) but it must be really awkward not having it in the actual characters' voices, right? I could never imitate Ed and Roy. Not without bursting into laughter. Blessed be ;)  
_To TheAmbitiousWriter_: Just don't let your boyfriend get kidnapped when you leave him wait in the car! _Heehee_

WHEW wall of text review replies hope you guys don't mind XD

* * *

The very day I arrived home I begged Roy for one thing. Though I don't think I really _needed_ to beg, because he seemed just as eager for it himself.

With Roy as my walking aid and Hope always by my side, we make our way to Roy's study. He sits me down at the Dorset machine and dials the number on the phone, readying us both for an epic conversation.

He hands the phone to me after just a moment, but I can't read the emotion of the person on the other side; he's too far away.

"Alphonse? Little brother? Hey, how are-"

All of a sudden, I can pick up on his energy.

I'm _slammed _with a mixture of shock and excitement, and I swear, I can hear him scream.

"Uh, a-heh, Al?" I ask jokingly; "that is you right?"

Roy has to tap to me rather hurriedly and I despite me practice in reading Dorset because it's my only means of communication, I struggle to keep up with the translation.

_Brother you're alive! Buy how? Roy told me you were dead! So did Riza! Was this all ab elaborate prank-was I wrong to send you to Central-where have you been?!_

"Al Al Roy Al slow down I can't keep up!" I laugh as the Dorset stops and Al's energy dies down enough that I can no longer feel him from a _thousand miles away_.

"I'm-I'm fine, Al. Well...I have a broken hip. But it's healing! I-I can walk on it but not alone, I'm not strong enough yet and um, well, it broke when I was thrown from Roy's car in the explosion..."

I can feel Alphonse again, strong as ever, but it's concern and rage and disbelief and Roy doesn't translate this time.

I didn't get him in trouble, did I...?

Normally if I did I would feel gleeful but mostly I feel guilty.

"Al hey don't pin this on _him_...he couldn't stop the carjacker okay? And-and I stopped him but I couldn't get out of the car and-I mean I couldn't stop it but-well I _survived_."

There's a long pause before I feel the Dorset machine kick in.

_How?_

"You won't believe it Al!" I laugh and pat my lap, and sure enough, I feel a weight there followed by an eager nudging of my free hand. "I was raised by _wolves_."

_...We used that joke when we were ten, Ed_.

"Well, okay, it was _one _wolf. After I hit and broke my hip, I fell into one of the waterway canals and floated to solid ground by some miracle. Then I crawled to safety but I couldn't find help or a way to people or shelter...and after a few days of crawling back to the canal for hydration, well...my hip said no more. I thought I was going to die. Al," I add as I remember I'm telling my story to Al and not slipping back to the lonely hell of the alley.

"The wolf who found me-she saved my life before y'know, kept me warm when I nearly froze to death from being a drunken idiot-and she brought me food, good stuff like fresh squirrel and not dumpster trash-"

I could feel Roy laugh in utter disbelief at that.

"-And she brought me water from the canal in a bowl I made from the alley pavement. She's really smart."

There's a really long pause before I feel the machine tap Al's reply, and I hate to admit, even to myself, that I missed the first few words because I'd slipped back to those painful memories.

_...good care of you. Did you give her a name?_

"And a home! Roy and I adopted Hope into the house. She follows me everywhere."

_You would have to have a seeing-eye wolf and not just a dog, brother_.

"Still the extra-awesome brother you always knew and loved, huh Al?"

_And always an extra handful._

"I'm memorable."

_Unforgettable_.

"Can you come visit Al? I-I really missed you. And Winry."

_You even have to ask? You couldn't keep us away if you tried!_

"So when are you coming?!" I ask excitedly.

_In a few weeks_.

Not immediately?

_Winry just went to pick up Pinako_.

Oh, I hope he doesn't mean...

_She's making a full recovery_.

"Oh my god I thought you...oh man!"

_Some things God does answer us for, hm?_

"_..._I'll give you that."

_Her body is still weak, so she can't receive automail yet. And we have to make sure she's back to full strength before we leave._

"Will she be coming too?"

_That's up to her. She might not be ready for travel yet._

"She was down for a long time..."

_So were you. You're both unstoppable_.

"Damn right!" I state proudly, grinning like a fiend.

_Winry is pulling in. I have to go help her. I'll tell her the news soon. Stay out of trouble, brother._

"You thought I was dead for a month and you tell me to stay out of trouble?!"

The line is already dead, but Roy answers for the both of them.

_It's your defining trait, Ed...your most entertaining one yet your most worrisome_.

"You still love me though right?"

_I wouldn't have it any other way_.

* * *

Roy has kept me in company at home. He took the first day to stay with me, but was needed the next, so Kain was given the day off to see to my care.

If I could just _walk_.

The medicine helped to keep me painless, but it didn't stop pain or weakness when I tried to place weight on that leg.

Roy had just gotten home from work and, I suppose, was talking to Kain. I had to use the restroom and I was _trying_ to wait for Kain to leave to avoid more undue embarrassment, but I couldn't wait.

I called on Hope and faithfully, she arrived.

A vet confirmed it as she was given her shots-Hope was indeed female.

Hoping to avoid humiliation from either Roy or Kain, no matter how it was to be expected, I tested my limits and the loyalty of my _lupine_ companion.

The first few steps were a very awkward combination of limping and hopping, but as I tried to catch sudden lost balance, I went down and landed right on my hip.

_Ow_.

I was immediately betrayed by a sudden exhaust of air through my throat, and I _knew_ I had involuntarily cried out.

Moments later, _just_ as I had caught my breath, I felt a force at either side of me lifting me to my feet.

Humiliation not avoided.

They were _both_ there to witness my metaphorical fall from grace, and find me but a heaving lump on the floor.

_Your hip is broken you idiot_, I remember Roy's words; _Why didn't you call for us?_

"Just take me to the bathroom," I growled in reply, feeling the painfully obvious heat of embarrassment in my head.

After Kain left, I'd told Roy why I did it. He understood but told me that everyone else didn't find the situation awkward at all.

Havoc even had a chat with me that week through the Dorset contraption about how he _knew_ how I felt, especially his first week after going numb from the waist down.

To be given the sentence of paralysis for the rest of your life...hell, I don't know how he dealt with that.

I do have a sensual paralysis though, I suppose. I can walk around, well not until I _heal_, but navigation is nigh impossible in an unfamiliar place.

But I'm where it's familiar now. I'm _home_. And yet sometimes I slip back to the loneliness of the alleyway where I had hope only from the wolf for survival, where I had constant starvation and thirst and _weakness_ and the pain in my hip haunted me even as I slept.

The pain is usually what brings me back to that dark place, the ache to cause the illusory hunger and allows me to slip into the depression that my heart _still _hasn't healed from.

I know he loves me. I know he'd die for me. I know if he thought there was a chance, he would have come for me.

Then why _didn't _he?

If the tables were turned, I didn't care if it killed me, I'd search every inch of this city, inside and out, use the police, put up _posters_ to find that bastard that I'd fallen in love with-

Perhaps it was due to grieving? We all grieve differently, and he was so struck with the news of my passing that he couldn't think at all.

Which, as much as I'd like to joke about it, I can't say is true to the norm.

I think the worst is when he _catches_ me back in the alley. I'm quiet, I'm trembling from imagined cold, and I'm grasping at whatever fur-like item I can-the couch, a blanket, Hope, and sometimes Roy himself.

He pets me and tells me he doesn't mind. That I'll stay with him eventually; that it just takes time.

It's been over a _week_ though. A long week of healing more physically than mentally. A tormented week of getting lost in my mind more than the hell I spent with Kurzowski-

Though I _was _in the alley for much longer than I was being attacked.

I just hoped that the psychosis would disappear with the pain once my hip healed.

* * *

Watching Ed struggle to get around with his injury, struggle to do the most mundane things that had before been so easy for him; and watching him struggle just to mentally stay in the house with Roy-

It was _killing _Roy.

He was incomparably happy to have Ed back, and his heart had already healed a great deal just from having the blond around.

But for the first time, Ed couldn't heal his own mental state, and Roy's attempts at helping weren't working either.

With the exception of a mobility aid, Roy felt useless as a partner.

At first he thought that Hope would be a hindrance to Ed's return to the present; that maybe Ed would feel the wolf and think he was back in the alleyway. Hope, however, had shown her uncanny intelligence and frequently fetched Roy when Ed slipped once again.

Not all times were as painless for Roy to come across.

Ed has claimed the length of the couch in his comfort sprawl, so Roy had taken residence just on the floor below him. With his back propped up against the couch and a book against his knee, he listened to Ed talk about random things until the blond slowly went silent, though Roy's half-attention on the tome in his lap distracted him from noticing anything awry.

After an extended length of silence, Ed's breath hitched in pain and he released a soft groan.

"Hope," he murmured with a grasp at the couch cushions; "Hope-I'm hungry. Go find food?"

Roy's attention immediately snapped back to Edward. The book fell forgotten to the floor as he kneeled over Ed, only for a moment watching Ed's face changed to sadness and longing and no hope of the escape from his pain.

"I don't want to keep losing you," Roy said softly as he took Ed's hand in his own. He tapped Dorset to Ed's chest-

_Am I that boring that you keep leaving me?_

"Huh? I..." Ed's expressive eyes flicked around as he tentatively reached out. "R...Roy?"

_The one and only. Were you expecting someone else? You're not cheating on me, are you?_"

"Oh Roy," Ed choked out in a loss of constitution as he broke into sobs. "Roy I-I forgot again-I'm so sorry-"

"Why do you keep _apologizing_ for this? It's not your fault!"

Roy gently shook Ed's head, but the blind pulled away and refused to accept the comfort.

"Why-why do you keep _coddling _me, Roy?! It's not helping! It's not working! Can't you see it won't work? I'm broken! Dammit I'm _broken!_ My, my everything, my senses, my body, my mind, I'm-I'm all broken, and we-we can't fix it this time..."

He broke down into pathetic sobs again, lost in his mind to the world, no matter how much others saw in him. He felt completely and utterly shattered, irreparably _disabled_, and Roy didn't know what to say.

Ed had been able to cope with his condition before. He had been able to feel in new ways in a world without senses.

Now, that handicap was brought back fresh and magnified by the crippling mental lapsing, by the constant return to the alleyway that he could not seem to escape, and the added pain and lameness in his hip that took him there and kept him from his full mobility, from his full _freedom_.

Seeing Ed suffer like this took Roy's breath away, brought pain to his own heart. Knowing that he couldn't help Ed stay here with him, no matter what or how he tried-

He couldn't stand it.

But he was sure going to fix it.

Right now.

Whether Ed liked it or not...

* * *

Roy hadn't learned as much of alchemy as Ed, as much as he'd like to refute otherwise. He certainly hadn't learned many of its darker secrets, ones those young boys should never had needed to see.

He had, however, amassed a small collection of tomes with knowledge generally kept from the public. He had collected them from less reputable sources, and periodically managed to snatch them from the searching eyes of young alchemists, including the likes of the Elric brothers.

It was there he first searched to confirm the swirling geometric imagery in his mind, back to the search of handwritten journals of the minds of men both brilliant and insane.

After consoling Ed the best he could and finally leaving him with Hope's watchful eye, Roy turned to the arcane for his answer.

He hadn't seen the circle used. He had been stressed one time and blind another, but in his studies and dealings with the Elrics...

With the aid of what he found in those books, he had a hell of a good idea.

Edward had never been privy to the existence of those old forbidden tomes. He'd never been able to search and find them, and Roy usually kept them hidden with an alchemical seal-

But he carelessly left them out in his race to get to Ed, to end the poor man's suffering, to bring him back to reality-permanently.

With a yank and a clap he tore the rug away and drew the array on his living room floor only feet from Ed. His blonde partner sensed this and froze in apprehension, and as Roy approached him and wordlessly stood him up, he could feel Ed trembling in his arms.

"Roy? Roy you-I-I don't like this, wh-what are you doing?"

"Fixing you," Roy replied huskily as he stood Ed in the middle of the array, quick to harness Hope in the kitchen where she couldn't interfere. He returned to find Ed's eyes searching the array in fright, as if he could see just what it would be used for.

"Roy..."

_I love you Ed,_ Roy tapped to him and pulled him into a hug. _Don't worry. You'll be fine_.

"But what are you going to _do_," Ed whined quietly as Roy pulled away and left him standing alone.

Alone, in the middle of a transmutation circle.

A _human _transmutation circle.

"Forgive me, Ed."

_Clap_


	79. Chapter 79

_To justaislinn_: It may have only been a week, but Roy has seen much of Ed's suffering in the past and it all built up to culminate in this one desperate _need_ to help Ed recover and be happy again.  
Yay tumblr!  
_To speedfanatic05_: Thank you! I'm glad I can continue to captivate while working mainly with the same two characters, in limited capabilities and locations. :)  
_To solomonssavior_: Meant to update quicker-life slowed me down, sorry!  
_To Siiillltt_: Y'know, I think I should just change it to RoyEd. (oops, sorry)  
_To ShiroiKarasuX_: Yay, I've turned another fangirl to yaoi! I mean. *cough* I'm glad you love my story! I like bringing in new and known characters from time to time. The chaos keeps it fun!  
_To Loonyberryboo_: Here's your update, hun! ;)

Thank you to everyone for not killing me for that last cliffhanger.  
Then again, if you _had_, you wouldn't get any more story...!

* * *

He hadn't seen it in years. One can't forget the blindingly blank expanse of emptiness, the encompassing dread that comes from turning around and seeing a looming gateway above a small, faceless figure.

"Welcome back, alchemist."

"So you're the one Ed calls Truth," Roy replied, expecting his voice to echo here. He was surprised when it didn't, but was even more surprised to hear a faint whimper behind him where he had just been looking-and finding Ed staring wide-eyed around him, seemingly not noticing Roy.

"I go by many names and none at all. You may call me what you like. But a name is not important; actions are. I know why you have come. Do you know what you really want?"

"I want Ed back the way he was."

"Before his little accident? Or before he loved you?" Truth grinned as Roy gritted his teeth angrily. "Be specific or be surprised."

"I want his senses back. He's dealt with this for too long and he doesn't deserve it."

"Deserve it? He has chosen this fate for himself."

"You gave him no other choice! You could have just given his brother back to him!"

"A price must be paid for everything. You of all people should know this, _alchemist._" Truth stood and approached Roy, though Roy felt as though he was being drawn closer despite being immobilized by intimidation.

"Alchemists commonly use the term equivalent exchange. It is true that matter cannot be created or destroyed, either in physical or ethereal. Knowledge may not to you seem more than electrical impulses in the brain fueled by the food that you grow and eat, and therefore should be free.

"Knowledge has a price. Every piece of information has a value, or there would not be so many of you seeking the same wisdoms over the millennia. Some come to me for knowledge they are unable to find on their plane, and I'm willing to sell it, for a price."

Roy reached up tentatively to his eyes, not missing the glint in Truth's hidden ones.

"I have no use for money here. Any payment taken usually will be returned upon your death."

"So you take payment...as a harsh way to teach a lesson."

"As a way to understand the value of the lesson learned."

"And what did Ed learn? What did he gain from you stripping him of his senses?"

"You know well what you ask, alchemist. Will you continue your attempt to have me return that which he rightfully paid me?"

"At least give him _one _sense back! You don't know how hard life is for him!"

"Difficulty is an illusion," Truth mocked in a riddle.

"Is there _no_ way to restore Ed?" Roy asked angrily, staring down Truth as hard as he could manage. After what seemed like an eternity, Truth's answer sent chills down his spine.

"You already know the answer."

Roy turned his gaze to Ed, who had since fallen to his hands and knees and looked to be in pain.

Terrified and staring at Roy and Truth, but saying nothing.

"Take me instead," Roy finally said, his voice thundering through the expanse. "Trade my place with Ed."

"Roy," Ed finally gasped, his voice small and fearful.

"You silly alchemists think that a trade is so easy. You'll regret your decision."

"Not if Ed has his freedom and his sanity again."

"You will give up the career you have worked so hard for, your social life, your own freedom?"

"I'd give up more for Edward."

"You humans are so sentimental," Truth sneered with a grin. "You wish to trade all of your senses to him? You realize you will be blind, deaf, numb; deprived."

"I..." Roy was more than willing to switch with Edward-Roy _had_ lived a longer life already, Ed still had so much more to experience; he shouldn't have to spend the rest of it so deprived and always with the risk of danger.

"You hesitate."

"...I want to...I-I want to keep one sense."

"Very well." There was no mocking in Truth's voice, only boredom. "I will accept your request this once."

"Thank you," Roy murmured as he turned to see Ed still watching them in pained disbelief.

He wanted Ed to be the last thing he ever saw.

* * *

That was the worst dream I've ever had.

Roy trying to trade places with me? I would almost literally kill him if he ever tried something like that.

It _had_ to be a dream, right? Everything was blank and white like my blindness always is. I heard the conversation like an echo, but audible words are so alien to my ears that I couldn't make most out except for a few certain parts.

Roy wouldn't _really_ do something like that, would he?

...would he?

Before I have a chance to wake up, the dream turns into a full-out nightmare as I suddenly feel nauseated, my world heaving and rolling around me as old yet new _sensations_ jumble into me incoherently.

I can't make sense of them all, can't make sense of _anything_. Like someone who hasn't had enough air, I see colors swirling before my eyes; a chaotic mixture of black and white and rainbow and I can't even _focus_ on them for the pounding in my head.

The noises are muffled yet magnified; I hear the sound of Truth's voice but can't form it into words. At the same time, I faintly hear cars but they also sound so close that I'll be run over at any moment.

And oh, the sounds of pain.

Whimpering, gasping, coughing, moaning; I think some was from me but every sense mixed together and gave me no hope of coherent interpretation.

What kind of a dream is this?! Every dream I've had, every memory, has been completely intelligible and _normal_, for the most part. Any sounds or sights in them were completely natural, but in no way could I attach that sentiment to what I'm experiencing now.

Oh, hell, stop _rolling_. I can't _breathe_, the world is spinning around me, I feel like I'm going to-

Combining with the burning sensation in my nose, the acrid smell of smoke and _electricity, _a new and horrid smell graces the terrible flavor as I suddenly vomit from the nausea.

I _really _hope this is a dream.

I faintly hear a voice, but even though I hear it calling my name, I still can't make sense of it.

Finally, overwhelmed by everything that had hit me simultaneously, I slump down onto my pained hip and give in, my vision clouding and leading me into the first stretch of darkness that I've had in years.

* * *

When I awoke, the dream seemed a painfully faint illusion. Though everything was black instead of my usual white, everything was dark and silent as it always had been.

I'm still in quite a bit of pain from my hip, but I'm able to find that I'm on my couch and Roy is nearby. I can sense him nearby, possibly where he had been earlier with his book?

_Was_ it all just a dream?

It was so vivid that it was surreal, and even now it carried over into waking in that my vision was black and I could imagine an unpleasantly pungent smell in the room.

Standing and catching my balance despite my sore hip, I slowly, painfully make my way past my partner toward the kitchen for one of my medicated drinks that he left me on the bottom shelf.

I know it will detach me a little more from reality, but this pain is _hell_.

A sudden flash in front of me catches me by surprise. I jump back in shock, stumble, and luckily fall on the _better_ side of my ass, but it still hurts like hell, and I _hear_ my cry of pain.

How is that possible-and what _was _that flash?

And why is everything _black?!_

The flash was white-everything is supposed to be white, I feel even _more_ blind now in this encompassing darkness, at least with the white it was easy to visualise the house!

"What the hell," I murmur, only to freeze in place as I _hear_ myself speak. I spot the flash again and snap my head to the source of it; sooner this time, a third flash-fainter than the first ones, but I _expected_ this one, despite being _blind_.

My head is spinning; am I hallucinating from pain?

Am I still _dreaming?_

Before the flash appears again, I struggle to my feet and limp pathetically to its source. My untrained eyes focus enough to see what my numb fingers still cannot feel.

It's a window.

A car passes by on the road outside, its headlights cutting through the late evening fog and lighting up the block like a supermoon.

But...but I'm not supposed to be able to see cars or their lights, right?

I'm shaking now, and not from the pain. This feels too real to be a dream or a hallucination, and I'm scared.

"...Roy," I mumble weakly before I call out again. "R-Roy?"

I turn and navigate my way back to the couch, able to _hear_ my gasps of pain from my strained injury.

I need to rest it, but how can I at a time like this?!

"Roy," I call again, searching the darkness for my partner-but as another car passes by and illuminates the room for only a moment, I see not Roy but a giant beast racing towards me with an unnatural gleam in its eyes. I stumble backwards and hit the wall just as it reaches me, and I brace myself for the worst-

As she stands up with her paws against my stomach, nudging my face with her own.

It's Hope. Oh, it's only Hope.

"Is this real," I gasp weakly, unable to feel her fur in my fingers, but able to hear her every sniff and panting breath.

"Roy," I try, grabbing a clumsy handful of her neck fur. "Take me to Roy."

Intelligent and wanting to please, she leads me across the room to the couch, slowing her pace to mine so that I can keep up. When she stops, I call out for him, completely hoping and expecting for him to answer.

"Roy where _are_-"

Even in this rampant confusion of my awakening senses, I can reach out and feel him with my energy. He's still at the base of the couch, and despite the fact that I want to _cry_ from the pain, I kneel down next to him in the encompassing darkness and put my arm around him.

"Ed?!" His sudden cry of alarm cuts through my very core, leaving a gash right through my heart.

He didn't...

"Roy, what's going on?"

"Ed is that you," Roy asks hopefully, reaching out to touch my shoulder-I can't feel it, but another car passes by with perfect timing.

"Can't-can't you hear me, o-old man?"

"Please answer me," Roy murmurs, his wide eyes just visible in the terrible darkness of the night.

With hesitance-I don't want to realize the truth, but I need to speak to Roy-I reach out and tap Dorset to his chest.

Just as he'd always done for me.

_Roy what's going on?_

"Ed? Are you okay? Can you see me? Hear me?"

_Can't you?_

"You can," Roy heaves in a sigh of relief, closing those shimmering eyes. "Weren't you at the Gate?"

_I heard bits,_ I admit, holding him close to me. _Please tell me this is just a dream_.

"Of course it's not!" Roy cries in insult. "I did this for you, Ed!"

_You always were an idiot,_ I chide, trying to keep my tears hidden from him.

"You were suffering," He replies falteringly.

_Roy my hip is broken. Of course I was suffering._

"But your senses-it was worse without them," Roy explains. "You couldn't stand that you couldn't stay here...and the whole _thing_ wouldn't have happened if you could see and hear and everything else and it's-it's not my fault, it's not your fault, it's _nobody's _fault but I found the way to-to end your suffering, to give you your freedom and give you a _normal_ life with a future..."

I slowly absorb his words as he trembles in my arms, wanting only for me to be happy as Hope always does for me.

But how can I be, with Roy becoming as limited as I was?

_You fool-hearted man_, I tap, not pulling away as he rubs the tears from my overflowing eyes. _I had freedom. I had my own version of normal. I liked the future I had, as long as it was with you. How can I enjoy these senses now, with you without? You have a country to run. I can't even run my own life, only my mouth_.

"There are other men who can run the country, they don't need me. I'm needed here, with you."

_How can I take care of you, Roy? I don't know what to do_.

"It's not hard, I can teach you in a day. Besides, do you forget who I am? I'm not incompetent; I _am_ the great and notable Flame Alchemist."

_And now you're going to be a footnote like I am_, I reply perhaps a bit harshly. _We'll be forgotten in history_.

"Nonsense! Blind and deaf, _you_ still rocked this country and saved lives! Give me a chance."

_Stop being so casual about this_, I reply with a sniffle, able to feel only the knot in my throat and pressure in my head. _You just lost everything_.

"And you stop crying!" Roy brushed my tears away just before kissing my eyes. "I lost a little interaction and independency. But I got my Edward back. And now he can be happy again, and free."

"Free you say," I say softly, holding his forehead to mine. "I'll never be free with a heart this heavy and laden. I love you Roy; but you truly are an idiot."

We sit together, spending a moment together that feels like a solemn eternity. The peace is broken, always by me, as I squeeze his shirt and hiss in pain.

"Ed? What is it?"

"S-stoppit, you can't worry about me, _you're_ the unable one now..."

"Ed? Is it your hip?"

_Yeah_.

"Did you take your medicine for it yet?"

_No_.

"Can you stand? I had the hardest time finding this couch; I don't know if I could find the kitchen. You'd be surprised, all the time I spend in the house with eyes, that navigation vanishes with the sight."

I know that for this level of pain, I'd be lucky to get up with Roy's help. I reluctantly ask him for assistance, because I know in this position, the pain will only worsen.

"Okay...you're still pretty light, so you'll be up in no time." He stands easily and blindly fumbles for my hands, which puts another stab right through my heart.

He shouldn't have _done _this.

I'm thankful at least that he can't hear my panting and gasping and whimpering. I would feel somewhat pridefully insulted at my own weak complaints, were it not for the _pain_ clouding everything else.

I wonder if it would be worse if I could feel with the one sense I seem to be missing.

I slump all of my weight onto him as I finally make it to standing, my body shaking terribly. I was in a really shitty position for a while, and I haven't had any pain medication in _hours_.

This is almost as bad as automail surgery!

"Ed?"

The sound of his voice reminds me of our circumstances, and I snap back to reality once again.

_Kitchen_, I beg through Dorset. _But I need a break first_.

"I understand," Roy answers. He continues to be my support, both physically and emotionally.

Honestly, I'm still in a bit of shock that he'd gone and done this.

When I'm finally able to move again, I try to navigate my way to the kitchen. Though I've done it hundreds of times before from the central point of the couch, pain and lingering disorientation clouds my mind and I don't know where I'm going. As though picking up on it, Roy stops us.

"Is something wrong?"

_I don't know where to go_, I admit to him, taking this opportunity to rest my trembling, tense body. _The pain-I can't find the kitchen_.

"Have you tried using your eyes? They work now," Roy replies with just a tang of insult.

Or maybe I imagined that.

_It's so dark in here._

"Is it night? Turn on the lights, Ed!"

_I don't know where they are!_

"Alright, alright...let's see, we took a few steps _this_ way...okay." Before I could see what Roy was doing, I heard a snap, saw a crackle of electricity flash through the darkness, and the fireplace exploded to life in a blaze of blinding flame.

I almost fell over backwards in sudden shock! I manage to keep a death-grip on Roy as my heart slams in my chest, hard enough that I'm afraid it'll explode as well.

I've never been this afraid of simple alchemy, have I?

I didn't expect it...and it _had _been without warning.

"Ed? Edward?"

_Scared me,_ I admit. I compose myself before he can answer and begin to lead him in the direction of the kitchen, now able to see the doorway and cabinets within by the faint glow of the fire.

The room is half-covered in flickering shadows, an illusory shadow theatre teasing my eyes and distorting my perception on where things are and _what_ they are.

Like a child again, I begin to fear the darkness and its unknown secrets.

"Are we by the refrigerator? You've stopped," Roy broke through my silent thought. Unknowingly, he saves me from my mental wanderings once more.

_Almost. _With Roy's aid, I limp to the fridge and manage to pull out one of my smoothies from the bottom shelf. I suck on the straw with fervor to inject the painkiller into my system, but I forget my new senses and nearly drop the cup as _flavors_ flash across my virgined tongue.

It's just like he told me before. It's definitely homemade from fruits and vegetables, but has a good flavor. As I remember what flavors are like, I can begin to pick one out here and there-sweet, citrus, fresh, bitter; I'm sure there's more that I can't decipher just now due to my shock and the _newness_ of it all.

"You found it?"

_Yeah. Drinking now. It-_ I return to drinking it, wanting to savor the flavor but _needing_ the relief. _It's delicious, Roy_.

Even in the dim golden glow, I can see his soft smile. I hug him tighter to me, asking him if he's hungry and receiving a no.

"Just tired."

_Transmutation?_

"Yeah."

_Well you usually carry me to bed but I didn't see that happening tonight_.

"Not a chance. Room enough on the couch for two?"

_As small as you always tell me I am? Of course._

After what he's done for me, I don't mind bending my pride a little bit.

"I'm more worried about fitting next to your big head."

I'd be tempted to push him over if I weren't worried that we'd _both _fall.

Blindness really kills your balance.

_I can make room for your big head and your big mouth_.

"How's the medicine working?"

_It's starting to. Pain's going away and I feel a bit..._

"Detached?"

_It's really weird with your senses. Not like being drunk at all_.

"Well let's get you back to the couch before you're too wacky to handle, or to walk. I could probably find my way back now, but finding and leading you is another thing entirely."

"Because I'm a handful," I reply quietly; "or because you're blind and deaf now?"

Unlike me, he has no backup sixth sense giving him any inkling of what I'd said. He simply blissfully and dutifully returns to the couch with me, my attention wavering in and out on the situation as the pain dims.

Somewhere, in the dim firelight and the sound of Roy's steady breath, sleep comes.

* * *

Boy, I think Ed has one up on me. He made navigation look so much easier than it is. Perhaps it's his sixth sense?

For as long as I've lived here, I'd have thought blind navigation would be easier.

I never had a chance to come home while blind after the Promised Day-due to injuries, I'd spent my entire sightless stay in that hospital room being grilled on Ishvalan policy, not that I've managed to advance myself in that field at work with so much of my attention devoted to Edward.

And now, I could kiss that dream goodbye.

I know my team is capable and can make it without me. They'll manage to reconstruct Ishval without a Colonel to bark out the commands.

I picked my team out and trained them well. They'll excel at anything.

To be honest, I'll probably miss paperwork after a few days like this, but I wouldn't change what I've done for Ed.

The man sounded insulted when I suggested he be thankful for his new senses.

I didn't expect him to be _happy_ about the switch-nor of human transmutation, though I've a feeling that the full gravity of what I've done hasn't sunk in yet for him.

After my last glimpse of Ed's hauntingly fearful face in the gate, I found myself lying on the floor where I'd left the world. The blank white eternity of the gate never left my eyes, and I knew that I had taken Ed's burden of stolen vision.

I couldn't hear Ed. I didn't know if he was okay. I could only call for him in the hopes that he had hearing, that he was awake and well, that he returned _home_ with me.

Oh, I experienced the agony of needing your senses in desperation. I needed one to find Ed. My grasping hands were left to wave wildly and pleadingly in the blank void surrounding me.

At least I knew what was happening. Some semblance of what to expect. What must it have been for Ed that first day?

I eventually found Ed after feeling a sudden tremor nearby. With some careful searching, I discovered him breathing, warn, well; alive.

He'd fallen. Passed out on return from the gate, either unaware of what haad happened or unable to deal with it.

I dragged him to his favorite couch, managing to avoid the puddle of his vomit that my searching hand had accidentally landed in only minutes earlier.

I'm not cleaning that up.

I helped Ed back to a comfortable sleeping position, collapsing where I had been only shortly before-how long had it been? Hours, minutes? I don't know if visiting the gate skews time at all.

Searching again to settle my nerves, I relaxed as I took the book in my hand. The harmless mystery novel that I had halfway finished while sitting with my injured partner and that would always remain a mystery to me for its ending.

I don't know how useful I am now, with only touch to guide myself. I hope to gain Ed's prowess of the subtle energies at work, the chi and psychic sensing.

But I'll still need him to provide my meals, just like I'd done for him.

Honestly, we could probably both have been able and competent if I had kept two senses; hearing as well as touch. I would be able to hear Ed's voice and he could read my lips or continue to listen through Dorset.

But that's hardly what I want for him. I don't want a comparably crippled couple. I want Ed to have every option to regain his freedom and vitality, his chance to go out and see the world in its full glory without the limitations of an imprisoning body.

Now, he'll have his chance. He can live life without dependency.

Even if it does end up being without me.

I _really_ hope he takes me on some of his adventures though, no matter how honestly useless I've become.


	80. Chapter 80

_To justaislinn_: The future for our alchemists won't be easy, but they're both strong of will and heart!  
_To Loonyberryboo_: Truth is a meanie and won't give Ed's senses back free of charge. But Truth also won't let me end the story anytime soon. ;)  
_To Another Obsessed Teen_: Who said anything about this being the end?  
_To speedfanatic05_: I love your review, so here's your spoiler: yes and yes.  
_To Annaleisemcc_: Thank you for commenting and welcome to the family! I think I've used as much detail as possible, without resorting to absolutely pointless fluff. Unless I'm wrong. But I'm glad you enjoy the story!

Woo, **chapter 80!**One chapter for every year my grandmother has been raising hell on this earth. ;)

* * *

If I had any thought of the previous day being a terrible dream, I was proven dead wrong when I opened my eyes.

Sunlight filters in through half-drawn curtains, illuminating the glimmers of dust as they drift through the morning silence.

It's morning, and I never knew that until I had an outside source tell me. Until Roy woke me, or I just felt so slept out that I could sleep no more.

Now, the sun wakes me.

_Bastard_.

Ugh, it's so _bright_. And yet, still beautiful. Ghostly shadows are cast all around the room, barely revealing the cold remnants of last night's blaze in the fireplace.

I find Roy snuggled against me on the couch, us two grown men somehow able to fit-though I apparently ended up halfway on top of him, nearly smothering him.

Through careful maneuvering I manage to extract myself from my position as Roy's blanket. Wincing from the pain in my hip, I limp into the kitchen using the now-odd aid of _vision_ due to my uneven and wavering gait.

As I drink one of my gloriously medicated smoothies, it dawns on me.

I'm gonna have to make Roy breakfast. Just like he always did for me.

Uh...well he can chew his food right? He won't choke like I will, I can cook him something! Because I don't know yet how to make my juice.

Let's see, fridge...eggs are good.

First day with senses and I'm already gonna start cooking; I think I might be able to do this adult thing after all!

Unfortunately, the stab in my heart for Roy's future-for his new _disabilities_-never goes away. I don't think I'll ever not feel guilty and a bit resentful.

I chose my fate-but he only chose this due to my suffering.

I don't know if we can make this switch work...but I'll try.

Honestly, a part of me is glad to have my senses back. I have the opportunity to feel almost _normal_ again.

Another big part of me will never feel whole again due to Roy's newfound disability.

And another, quieter voice asks me...if I _preferred _how I was before. Because it was _easier_. I didn't have much responsibility, and less was expected of me even in socialization. I could ignore what I didn't want to deal with, or easily escape to my mental comfort zone.

It was, overall, peaceful once I really adjusted.

Until a car blew up.

If I'm honest, I've never fried an egg before. I've seen Winry do it with butter, but I always preferred to show off with alchemy-and as the egg cooks faster than I realize and sticks to the pan despite my butter and the stuck parts are burning!-I realize that Roy just might starve if I'm the one to feed him.

Can I do this? I've gone from taking halfway care of me to taking care fully of two people.

After ending up with one egg's worth out of two on the edibility scale, I grab two more eggs and bread and use alchemy to turn them into perfectly fried eggs with toast. Guiltily and shamefully I slide them onto a plate and nearly drop them as I twist wrong and my hip protests, but I manage to limp in and nudge him awake with my free hand.

Sight is _very_ useful, I'll admit that.

And now he's blind.

I know, I know. But I doubt he wants me to dwell on that.

How can you _not?_ He's handicapped now because of you.

He made this choice, he did this, not me!

Because you were such a wimpy _whiner_.

I was in pain!

And so lost to the world and him with it, and you weren't really _back_, like he wanted. Now he's dependant on you-now he has _all _of your attention.

But I didn't want it like _this-_

You can't get everything you want, Edward.

"Shut up," I hiss, willing away the nagging voice in my mind that I know is only me. I still feel a bit of shock at _hearing _my own voice, but wake up as Roy finally comes to and reaches around the couch in confusion.

"Ed? Edward?"

"I'm here Roy," I mumble in pointless comfort, wondering if he ever spoke to me even though I couldn't hear him. He latches into my offered hand, tracing it up to the elbow before relaxing and sitting up.

"How-how are you today?" He has the gall to ask me, as though I were the one who just went through a drastic change and not him.

_I have your senses. How do you think I feel?_

"Free?" He asks hopefully, and in disarmingly good spirits.

_Eat, asshole_, I reply to him, but he gives me this gem before I can hand his food to him-

"Is that an offer, Edward?"

If I didn't worry about him _starving_, I'd have thrown his food at him then and there. Instead I less than gently shove it into his lap and sit next to him, for lack of anything else to do.

Roy begins halfheartedly eating his meal before it can turn cold on him, as eggs so quickly do. Halfway through he sets his fork down and turns his gaze toward me.

"Ed, Are you angry with me?"

His question catches me so off guard that my neck actually _cracks_ when I snap it to face him.

"Angry?! I-" _I'm not happy about this setup_, I explain to him; _how you did this without consulting me first, how limited you now are, a lot of things! But I'm not angry with you_.

Hi already misaligned gaze turns farther away as he twiddles the fork in his hand.

"I was a bit rash-"

"Just a bit?!"

"-but I did it because you're in constant suffering, constant danger, due to your condition."

_Do you forget, o Flame?_ I retort; _Even when I had my senses I was always in danger! It's my personality!_

"But you were-"

_I was only in pain due to my hip. I only suffered recently. Even normal people have bad days and bad weeks, Roy. That didn't mean I hated being crippled. It sure as hell didn't mean I wanted you to sacrifice yourself for me._

"But I..." He mumbles, staring thoughtfully down at his food.

_You didn't have to do this, Roy. And as soon as Al and Winry leave after their visit I'm going to change us-_

"No!" He cries in alarm, unwaringly upchucking his food. "Ed you can't! I made the deal with Truth, we can't trade back!"

I almost stomp the spilled eggs as I jump to my feet. I remain standing despite my hip, and I must _really _be showing my alarm, because he looks right up at me.

"I-I'm sorry, Ed. But it's your turn now. Your turn to experience life. To experience the world. And you can't switch us back."

"I...you made this _permanent?_" My words escape in a tiny, strained voice; barely audible but still a caustic comparison to the silence I'd grown to enjoy.

Roy only closes his eyes and sighs, looking more _annoyed_ than anything.

"Edward it's done now, so why don't you _try _to enjoy yourse-"

I slap him roughly across the face before he can finish, so overcome with grief and anger and frustration that I can't even think. Unable to handle the situation, perhaps due to my more _coddled _nature, I limp away from my now silent partner as quickly as I can.

I make it only a room away before I finally collapse against a wall, sliding down into a painfully awkward position.

Let the pain come-I don't care.

I hate myself. I can't _stand _myself.

Because the very first thought in my mind when he said we couldn't change back-well, I was _glad_. I would keep the senses forever.

It was a _selfish_ thought and it would leave Roy forever disabled, completely taking my place as-as _invalid._

I'm so disgusted with myself. Even now my unleashed mind keeps trying to explore ways I can use my new senses-things I've missed without them that I can _do _and _enjoy_ now and I'm not even thinking about what to do about Roy, I'm responsible for him now, but I can't-I'm not even capable of taking care of my own _mind_, how can I take care of us both?!

I can't do this alone. I need help. I can't-I don't want to ask Roy for help. That would only be rubbing salt in the wound.

Maybe he'd feel honored to...

No, that would only remind him of what he's lost.

Forever.

No, I need the help of a third person, someone who isn't disabled and whose every word won't wrench my heart.

Who the hell am I kidding?! Whether it's gentle support from Riza, playful banter from Jean, or attemptingly unattached analytical assistance from Kain, my heart will ache immeasurably.

I continue to sob as I've done since I ran from Roy, hearing the pathetic choking and gasping sounds of my own strangled breathing. I can hear so much-but not Roy, not anymore, he hasn't said a word since I silenced him with my hand and my temper.

I hate this. I hate me. All I can feel right now is pain, pain in my body and pain in my heart and all I'm doing is focusing on _my _pain, I can't even be strong enough to think about _his_, I can't-

I need help. I need-I need someone else. Not to take the-the burden of caring for Roy, but I can't even _do_ anything right now, I'm absolutely useless.

And you can't summon help while you're all riled up, so just calm the hell down.

Calm down, settle yourself, _breathe_ Edward.

I put all my effort, all my concentration into calming myself. I keep any painful thoughts of Roy and self-deprecation from my mind as each hint threatens to drag me back into pointless angst that helps noone.

I don't know how long it takes me to finally settle into a strangely peaceful silence. I barely hear my own slow breathing as I focus only on the light teasing the darkness behind my closed eyelids, needing to harness the serenity of the meditation I'd induced.

So, who you gonna call?

Riza I guess. She'd be the best person for this. Hell, she took care of Roy all the time, she knows him better than...well, anyone but me.

Then why do you need her help-

Quiet. Bad thought, don't need that one.

You're the one that let it slip in there.

Yeah, I know. So how do I call Riza? I don't know any phone numbers. Only the one to Roy's office, and if he's not there, neither is anyone else.

Deep breath, Ed. Your emotions are still in quick-trigger mode, don't let a setback set you off. Think about contacts while you go check on Roy.

Surprisingly, Roy has migrated from the couch to the kitchen. He's drinking a glass of water fresh from the sink, and I feel a tinge of admiration for how well he's already using his singular sense.

Walking up to him for an apology would take so much more strength and willpower if I didn't love him as much as I do. As it is I just want him to know that I'm not angry with him, I was just overcome with shock and responsibility and I still am and-

Breathe, Edward, you stopped these panic attacks before, don't start getting them _now_.

Before I can call myself completely composed again, his arms are around me and my head held in a firm caress against his.

"It's alright, Ed. I understand."

With his blessing, the panic attack disappears and I just release all of the emotion again, crying into him and holding him tightly.

Only this time, I'm not stressing about selfishness and physical abilities.

I'm recovering in the arms of my love.

We'll make it through this. We always do.

* * *

Roy had settled in the living room for a nap after we bonded for a while. I had made him some more food and then he'd shown me a Xingese moving meditation called t'ai chi. I felt a bit jealous that he knew something so elegant and beautiful, hadn't taught me it before, and could do it with only minimal balancing difficulty due to blindness.

Finally, I was alone. Even Hope had decided to snuggle up with Roy instead of following me needfully around.

Where that big furball was all morning, I'll never know.

I had meant to use my Dorset machine to connect to and contact Riza, but when I saw the forgotten book near the floor of the couch, I quickly became distracted.

For the first time in years, text. The words on the cover were in my own language and had a certain nostalgic familiarity, but it was almost an alien thing at the same time.

It literally took me a minute to decipher the title. In shock I stared at the words, traced each letter with my hyper-focused eyes, and finally reread the words until they were absorbed by my captivated mind.

"_Transmuted Evidence? _What is this?"

I turn over the book in my hands, being oddly delicate with the tome. I read the summary on the inside to find out that it's a mystery novel-a fictional tale that, just from its inherent nature as a _book_, gets my heart pumping.

It may be a cheap novel, mass-produced and then abandoned in several stores on its journey from one reader to the next. Its pages may smell of must and age and glorious _paper_.

But it holds a world all its own inside the pages, one which can only be explored through opening and reading, seeing through the mind of its author.

I lay the book tenderly where I found it as, of all things, I start to _cry_ and have to reel in my emotions again.

Great, I'm getting sentimental over a _book_. Probably a really cheesy one at that.

Had I not set the book down only a moment ago, it would have flown out of my hand in reaction of a sudden loud sound coming from...well, I can't say I'm any good at pinpointing sound now.

Hum...I _think_ it came from this way?

Oh hell how does anybody navigate by sight and sound together? There's too much input!

The sound hits again, and I realize as I decipher the lighting and geometry of the building that I made it to a door.

_Oh_. Someone's knocking to be met at the front door.

Well, now I feel like an idiot.

Reaching forward with an odd relief of familiarity that I still cannot _feel_, I pull the door open and completely freeze.

"Ed! Did you sense us at the door?"

"He's getting _really _good at this."

"And he probably knows we're talking about him. Ed? Can we come in?"

"A-Alphonse? Winry?"

"Well who else would we be?" Al asks cheerfully, just so unconditionally happy to see his brother alive and well.

He _did _think I was dead.

But I can't-

They're in front of me, happy, I can _see _them, I can _hear _them and I'm just too in shock to speak or even _move_.

"Come on Ed," Winry asks playfully; "aren't you gonna let us in?"

"Ed?" Al asks as I still don't answer. He glances up and down at me and then to Winry. "Do you think he's still with us, Win?"

"Well, he _was _alone for a month, I'd hate to think what that can do anyone."

"Let alone somebody as determined to do something as my brother-but unable to do it."

I know he doesn't mean it as an insult, more of a pity. But it still hurt.

"I-" Is that it, Edward? Holy hell you're pathetic.

And fighting with yourself again. Now focus on _them _and not _you _before you look stupid or have some sort of mental fit.

"Come-uhm-come in." I find my manners, I really had to look _hard _for those, and step back to let them into the house.

"Oooh I wanna hug him!" Winry whines, and I stiffen immediately. "But I don't know how well he'll take a sudden hug..."

"I do too Win; I'll ask him."

Before Al can reach out and use Dorset on me, I sidestep, wince at my hip, and start to lead them toward Roy.

As much as I want to hug them-as much as I _need _them right now-I feel that one embrace will be enough to open the emotional flood yet again, crumbling what little composure I'd built up to deal with the day.

"Ed? Where are we going?" Al asks curiously. A pang runs through my chest and I can't even answer, because when they _see _him and what he's done-

Roy, you are _such_ an idiot.

"I-I missed you guys," I mumble, hearing it well enough to know it was audible to them too.

"We thought we lost you," Al answers, despite the fact that he thought I couldn't hear it.

Do they talk to my deaf ears often? Like I'm _normal?_

Then again, I was pretty good at knowing what they were talking about-or just going by emotions, I suppose.

"Can't lose me," I force out of my uncooperative mind. "I'm your big brother."

"I still can't believe he can do that," Winry says in awe of my apparent psychic 'skill'.

"Oh, you'll understand in just a minute..." I trail off and glanced back at the two to see curious faces, wondering if mine displays all the emotional turmoil I feel.

I want to jump for joy-if I even could with my hip!-my little brother and best friend are here and I can _see_ them! I can hear them!

Yet Roy is still as unable as I was, and the guilt is overwhelming.

Even though Roy would be mad at my guilt, because he chose this for me and wants me to enjoy it.

"How's your hip, Ed?" Winry asks curiously, probably noticing my obvious limping gait.

I'll admit, I'm walking way better with my sight, but I still need the assistance of the wall or I slow down to almost a crawl.

"Still broken," I answer with just a touch of smartassery due to the pain; "but I'm-I'm back up and walking again."

"I've gotta have him teach me how to do that," my brother comments on the illusion of my omnipresence. "Maybe if I just meditate more-"

"Or you could have an impulsive idiot for a partner," I interrupt with a huffy growl. "Act first think later-how he got to Colonel I'll never know."

"Ed, what do you-"

"I'm surprised you didn't figure it out already." Just as I finish speaking, we arrive to find Roy lounging on the couch, tracing the buttons on his shirt as he stares thoughtfully at the ceiling.

"Figure out-Ed what's going on?" Al reaches over for Dorset but I gently catch his wrist in my hand, looking him dead in the eye. His own eyes widen in realization, though Winry hasn't seemed to catch on-until I prompt them.

"Go ahead, ask Roy. Ask him what's going on."

"But what-"

"Roy?" Al asks worriedly as he cuts Winry off. His brows furrow as he naturally receives no response from my partner. "Colonel?"

As though she were being summoned instead, Hope suddenly leaps off the couch to growl at the visitors, startling Roy in the process.

"Hope?" Roy calls in concern. "Hope, what is it? Edward?"

"Brother, don't tell me he's..."

I push off the stability of the wall and limp over to Roy, calling to Hope to set her at ease. She returns to aid me in my last few steps to the couch, where I gingerly sit down in what free space is left from Roy.

_We have visitors_, I tap to him.

"What? Ed? Who?"

_Alphonse and Winry._

"Oh. Oh!" Roy pushes himself up to sitting, allowing me more room as he tries to face the rest of the family. "Alphonse-Winry, glad to see you made it safely! If I'm honest, I was expecting a call first..."

"We wanted to surprise you," Winry replies haltingly, glancing between us two men in confusion as Al's mind whirs in calculation.

"This is a hell of a surprise," Al finally says, his tone not at all pleased. "Ed what the hell happened?"

He's figured it out if he's asking _me_.

"Roy thought I was suffering too much, so he took me to the gate and traded everything but touch back to me." Though barely able to feel it, I clench my fists to keep my emotions stable, as they're still far from settled. I clutch Hope's fur tightly as she nudges me for comfort.

"And you _let _him?!" Al cries, his accusing voice stinging me through my newfound hearing. His words broke down all of the strength I had mustered since scolding Roy earlier, and before I knew it, I was clutching tightly to Hope with my wet face buried into her fur as I sobbed uncontrollably.

I could hear Al and Winry trying to call to me, but the words didn't reach past my ears to process. Only when I can feel their energy cutting into my core do I chance to pull myself out of my sorrow, and find that they're both trying to help me return from my sinking sadness.

"Brother, are you okay? I didn't mean that, please, come back."

"Hey, is...everything okay?" Roy asks quietly, understandably confused from what I assume was a sudden 'silence' for him.

I wonder if maybe he's picking up on the negativity.

Strangely yet thankfully, my analytical pondering helps to bring me back to emotional coherency. I manage to steady my sniffles long enough to respond to Al-

"Sorry Al I-"

But by that time I need to catch my breath again; my sinuses are clogged with what I feel as only slight pressure, but I can't use them to breathe.

"Ed, I'm-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have accused you of something like that."

"He never even _asked _me," I say in defense, able to keep myself from pointless hysterics again. "He just-I thought it was a dream-and I-I like the senses but it's been so _long _and I'm not used to _using _them and now _he _has only one-"

Breathe, Ed. Inhale deep; you're okay. You've got this; slow down.

"I need help, Al."

"I know, brother." Al addresses Roy as Winry sits on the arm next to me and scratches Hope behind her ear.

"You don't have to worry, Ed. You're not expected to take care of this alone." I focus on her words as the rest of my reality has very little grounding to offer. "We're here for you."

"But...but you can't always be here. I have to be able to take care of him...and me...alone. But I don't know if-"

"Ed, you've been disabled for two years. Nobody expects you to be able to handle this right away. And even if it comes to it that you can't-"

"No, I have to! He was able to take care of _me_, I can't leave the burden on someone-"

"Do you still see yourself as a burden?"

"Well, I-not _anymore_-"

"But you did when you didn't have your senses."

"I-I mean-_some_times...not much..."

Only when I was sick and depressed. Especially lately, since the accident...

"We never thought of you that way, and neither did Roy. As a matter of fact, we felt we were lucky to always have you around. You couldn't run away from us!"

At first I feel insulted, then I catch the mischievous glint in her eye. Oh, that smartass-

"But I still get into trouble," I say with a smile, though my voice is still small and shaky.

"Nothing can stop the infamous Edward Elric from that."

I release a snort of laughter, the first since Roy's transmutation.

"Nah."

I take the chance to glance over at Roy and Al to see them having a silent Dorset discussion, though they both seem to be in fairly good spirits.

Always better than I'm doing. I'm _always _a handful. I wonder if it's immaturity? Roy does seem to be handling this newfound condition pretty well.

It is only the first day...

I know it's still relatively early in the day, but there's been so much excitement and stress already. I feel exhausted and it must show, because Winry tells me to relax. As I'm feeling myself slip into slumberland, Al does me one better and lays me down on the now-empty couch, my sleepy mind unable to really question where Roy has gone.

It's good to see Al and Winry again after so long. They look just like I've imagined them. Healthy and happy, older but still youthful.

I'm glad I got to see them again. I really am.

Thank you, Roy.


	81. Chapter 81

_To Loonyberryboo_: Every chapter has a happy ending. As long as the alchemists are together right?! (Did I ever tell you that your name is awesome?)  
_To ImpossibleJedi4_: Blind Roy is probably the cutest thing ever. Welcome to the fanclub (haha), I'm glad you love the story!  
_To speedfanatic05_: Love your review! You know where this story is going, don't you... ;)

* * *

My sleep is disturbed by a strange hodgepodge of sound and varying colors licking at my closed eyelids. As if that weren't enough to disorient me, I could _smell _something too. It smelled good.

Waking up this way is such an opposite to what I'm used to. It's actually irritating and a bit jarring, because I think I could have slept a bit more.

Opening my eyes and remembering only _afterwards _that they're again operational, I scan the room to find myself comfortably asleep on the couch, my hip painless-oh, until I move it I suppose, _ow_-and the light in the room relatively dim.

Judging by the windows, it's night, or almost. The fireplace is burning low, by Roy's hand I wonder, and a light is coming from the kitchen where I can hear my family talking, with short interims of silence-no doubt Dorset for Roy.

Just as I begin to slowly sit up, wary of my hip and visual offset of balance, a large creature suddenly appears next to me and startles me-until I realize it's only a very curious wolf.

"Hope, hey girl," I say quietly. Sitting up fully, I scratch her behind the ears and give her a hug.

I wonder if I can make it to the kitchen without help.

Making it to my feet is enough of a struggle, but I manage to keep my balance. I grasp Hope's fur and she intelligently leads me toward the doorway.

I'm slow, but independent.

Despite this _injury _what the _hell _it still hurts so damn much!

My stumble has the fortunate timing of landing me against the necessary support of the doorframe.

Unfortunately, it's in full view of the rest of the kitchen, and I've been found out.

"Ed!" Winry cries first as Al immediately jumps up.

"Brother, you shouldn't be up by yourself!"

Just as before, the spoken word takes a moment longer to translate in my mind. How annoying, even after I no longer need the Dorset, I still suffer from its delay.

"What do you-take me for Al," I say between labored panting; "someone in pain?"

"Ed," Al sighs in exasperation. "You really shouldn't be up."

"I can finally join a conversation," I insist as I steer his assisting support toward the occupied table. "Don't leave me all alone."

"We didn't want to interrupt your rest." Winry quickly makes me a plate of sauce-laden spaghetti that I practically _drool _at.

Real food.

I can see it. I can _smell _it. And now, I'm gonna _taste _it.

"Brother?"

"Pa-sta." With my superior statement of intelligent observation, I dig into the food eagerly.

Roy has been silent the whole time. He's just watching, listening, feeling.

I wonder if he can feel my enthusiasm. I'm going to say maybe, because he's beginning to smile.

Al and Win are both watching me curiously as I hork down the pasta without managing to gag myself or bite the tongue and cheek that I still cannot feel.

Oh, oh. It's so _good_.

Did Winry make this? She must have. She is _amazing _at creating things-mechanical limbs and food alike!

I'm halfway through my food before my body alerts me to something I'm quite familiar with and can handle with or without my senses.

I just hope I can make it to the bathroom with my hip slowing me down!

"Bathroom," I excuse myself as I push my seat back and earn all eyes on me.

"Do you need help-"

"No Al! I-I mean, I know how to use the toilet. And there's a wall to lean on to get there. I'm good."

"Are you sure? I don't mind."

"Eat your food Al. It's amazing." Before he can protest further, I hobble out of the kitchen at a rather impressive speed for a limp. I'm glad to notice that the more I walk, the more dull my pain becomes.

_Ow_. Ow. Okay, not quite.

Using my intuition more than my eyes, I find the bathroom in record time with no confusion at all and slip inside, not even thinking to shut the door as I shimmy my comfy pants down.

Oh! I can aim now!

Yet, I still find it easier and more comfortable to turn and sit on the toilet, relaxing with my eyes closed.

As if I were still blind, and nothing had changed.

Even the voices seem to grow quieter in the kitchen, allowing me to slip away to a moment where I feel peace and Roy is waiting for me to finish up so we can snuggle on the couch.

The illusion is shattered by sudden group laughter from the kitchen, startling me awake from my daydream. Much like being woken from half-sleep, my heart is pounding and I feel slightly dizzy.

_Shit_. C'mon Ed, don't be a wuss.

I just wasn't _ready _for it.

Will I ever be?

I stand up as I finish, reluctantly needing the aid of the sink. As I turn to wash my hands, I freeze.

Is that-it is. That's my _reflection_. That's _me_.

I haven't seen myself in years. With Roy's gift, I can see me again-

I really don't look incredibly different. A few pounds lighter, a bit less muscle mass visible even in the face-

My hair is longer. Roy really has refused to cut it. Luckily it's only grown a few inches.

I have _stubble_, too. Though I run my hand across it, I can't feel it; still, it's so _odd _to see it on me.

I slowly remove my shirt to get a better look at myself. I see a few bruises where I've been bumping into things as I try to walk on this hip, as well as a few light scratches where Hope has been, um, _gently _leading me around by my wrist.

As captivated as when I had rediscovered my sight, I stare in the mirror and trace my face slowly with my fingers.

"He really hopes you're enjoying yourself and not doting on him," Al says quietly, startling me from my thoughts. I turn to him and pull him into a hug, trying to keep my emotions steady.

"I-how, Al? He-he made this _permanent_. He deprived himself for the rest of his life. And I don't-I don't know if I can live with that-"

"He doesn't want you to. He doesn't want you to think that way. Ed, he loves you, and he doesn't think of himself as deprived, as long as he has you."

"But...but he..."

Does he really think the same way I did? He doesn't care whether he has his senses or not, as long as we're together?

"I guess I'll...try..."

"Now put your shirt back on brother, it's not summertime _yet_." Al tosses it at me and we both get a laugh out of my horribly late reaction time.

I can't let Roy down, not now. Not after what he's done for me. I'll do my best to enjoy life now, with my new senses and with Roy.

I just hope I can learn to take care of us both...!

* * *

I never expected Ed to be able to take care of both him and myself right from the start, and I told him as much.

With Winry and Al's help, I quickly learn to navigate the home. Due to my sense of touch I can still do most things on my own; cook, eat, bathe, clothe myself, use the restroom, find my way around.

Interacting with _people _is another thing entirely.

After I manage to find them, which involves either bumping into them or calling for them, I've to use Ed's standby of Dorset code. It's not terribly laborious, but I wonder how dumb I might sound when I call out a name without knowing I'll get a reply.

I thank my lucky stars that I'd performed the transmutation just as the weekend began, because Riza may have murdered me if I tried this in the middle of the week.

_Roy?_

Huh? Who's that now?

_Are you there?_

"What kind of question is that?" I ask indignantly, reaching out for an offered hand.

_I used to leave a lot_.

Oh, it's Ed.

"I didn't leave. I just wasn't expecting any conversation."

_Have time for one with me?_

"Always for you." I kiss his hand, and wonder if he's blushing like he always did.

_I-uh-_

Heheh. I got him all tongue tied again.

_Are you really okay with all this?_

"Ed, we went over this. I don't want you to-"

_I'm not_, he interrupts. _But I want to know how you feel_. He presses on my chest as intermission to accentuate his point.

_Tell me everything_.

True it is that we haven't really discussed this in depth, only my trying to stabilize Ed's shaken reality. Now as he asks me this, I only hope he's really in the stable state of mind to think logically.

"I'd be lying if I said that I won't miss my senses, but I'm happy with our current situation." He squeezes my hand and I try to lighten the mood. "I'll be happier when your hip is healed though!"

_Me too_.

"We can go on long walks through the city. Show me how to use your sixth sense. Teach me to spar. Take me shopping so I can pretend to pretend to ignore people."

_Pretend to pretend?_

"Well I'm not pretending to ignore anyone, I just can't hear them. So I'm pretending to pretend!"

_And you call me nuts._

"You are nuts. I'm only mildly comedic."

_And massively stupid_.

"I thought you loved me."

_You know I do._

"You wouldn't leave me, would you?"

_Of course I wouldn't!_

My question was a rather big nagging and possibly irrational fear; but it came out more jokingly than I would have liked. Despite wanting to play off my paranoia, I have to ask again, just to be sure.

"You wouldn't...actually leave me though, right? Not that I'm asking to be glued to you for _every_thing, but I still want to be in your life."

The following stretch of silence makes me wonder if he's trying to phrase his response nicely-

_SLAP_

Though I didn't hear it, I could sure _feel _his hand strike across my face.

Well, I guess that's the best answer I can get.

I _did _choose the man who expresses insult more than most.

_I can't believe you would ask me that, Roy_.

"I know you love me. But I also know I'm not the only one who has had irrational fears in this relationship, o able one."

_Like me thinking you wouldn't want me anymore?_

"While in the alley? Yeah, like that. You're _crazy_ if you think I didn't want you. I can never get enough of you, whether we're snuggling or arguing and brawling."

_We are one rough and unorthodox couple, aren't we?_

"We are, but everyone is still jealous of us."

_Yeah, right_.

"No, really. Women are always after me and when I show them a picture of you, they want _you!_ You're not just endearing, you're really attractive!"

_Stop BSing_.

"I'm not, Ed!"

_They really find me attractive?_

"I haven't found one woman yet who thought otherwise."

_I wonder if they think the same thing when you tell them about my personality._

"Ladies love a bad boy."

_They're not drawn to you for that_.

"They love a distinguished man, too. Someone sensitive who will give them the appreciation they deserve, and treat them with utmost respect while treating them to the limelight once in a while."

_You do that for me too_.

"Like I said, ladies love a distinguished man."

Ed doesn't slap me this time, rather chooses a more masculine and forceful tactic and punches my shoulder hard enough to make it sore for a week and bruised twice as long.

"Shit, Ed! I've only got one sense left, and you destroy it in a second!"

He offers no apology other than pushing on my chest to knock me over to laying on the couch.

Little shit-

What, because I'm less able, he thinks I'm gonna take that?!

I leap up and make a grab for him, but find only air. Did he _dodge _a blind man?

Another grab and this time I've found him-I grab his shirt and pull, wrapping my arms around him as I try to take him down.

Despite the sparring lessons and the training I'd received in military camp, Ed easily and rapidly has me down on my back, slamming me to the ground and knocking the air from my lungs. In a momentary daze I can only fathom why he's being so rough, but he _does_ have less touch than I and maybe since it's all I have, so for me it feels magnified-

Before I can protest or even groan, he has me pinned to the floor. My arms and legs are rendered immobile and I don't even fight it, just curious about what he's up to.

There's hesitation before he shifts his weight, and I wonder if his hip is bothering him. I feel his heavy breathing which would bolster that guess-

But oh, that breath is growing closer to my neck, and much gentler.

Only as I wonder if he's doing what I think, do we meet. He kisses me so gently and sweetly, a huge comparison to the abuse we'd just shared moments ago, and a definite change from our previous kissing.

Sight must aid him in his kisses...and oh, how his heart must be guiding him. I know mine is leaping so high for joy that I'm almost in flight.

Never have I thought I would _enjoy_ sensory deprivation, but as his fingers dig into my hair and scrape chillingly, pleasurably at my scalp-

I'm glad touch is all I have.

I can't get enough of this _feeling_.

As soon as it had come, it was gone.

Leaving me breathless and still sailing high above the rooftops, his weight is gone from me, two strong arms pulling me to move me to the couch.

Are we going to continue where it's more..._comfortable?_

* * *

"Oh come on Ed; you didn't have to _stop_."

"You wanted to _watch_ me kiss Roy on the floor?!"

"I never said I wanted to _watch _you," Winry insisted, but hesitated with a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. "Well, maybe for only a minute."

Ed's face flushed hot as he sat next to Roy, rubbing tenderly at his sore hip. He grasped Roy's hand in his own to still curiosity.

"Pervert."

"Oh, Ed. I'm just glad to see you happy." Winry leaned in and snuck a kiss to Ed's red cheek before flouncing off contentedly.

"Ed?" Roy alerted Ed with perfect timing when they were once again alone; "Why'd you stop? Didn't get shy on me, did you?"

_Just at Winry when she caught us_.

"And you let that stop you? One of our first kisses was in front of your brother."

"It was?!"

"I'm not saying he approved at first," he continued, "but he gave his consent because I was happy and, at the time, so were you."

"...yeah, I was." Ed smiled warmly and scooted himself into the couch more comfortably, managing seated snuggling with Roy while keeping his hip at ease.

"You know Ed, I'm actually more surprised than I probably should be."

_What do you mean?_

"Well, not only did you completely flip me over and slam me to the floor, but then you dropped down and pinned me."

_Was I too rough?_ Ed asked guiltily. _I'm-_

"You did all that with a _broken hip! _What the hell Ed?! How do you do it?!"

"I-I um-" Ed remembered to switch to Dorset only moments after he stuttered in prideful shock; _Nothing beats a cornered Elric._

"To my credit, you _did _beat only a disabled man."

_Oh don't give me that crap, I could have taken you down before we made the switch!_

"You're night," Roy moaned defeatedly. "Damn you, you amazing blond man!"


	82. Chapter 82

_To Guest(s)_: Smuuuut! Do you realize how hard it is to keep everything under a certain (sexual) rating when these two are so in love? Haha. I'm doing my best, dear readers, to keep it as low-key (Loki! Loki!) as I can, as per my promise in the initial story.  
Now, if anyone wants me to write a separate part where there's a bit more, ahem, _obvious_ smut, I might be tempted...  
_To scribbledink _: Thank you so much for an amazing review! You really put into words some of the stark realities in this story, and I love hearing it from a different point of view. You worded it beautifully.  
You may think that because I have so many reviews, that yours is just another one-but honey, I love _all_ of my reviews! No matter how short or long or +1 the review is, I love them all!

You guys are all great; you're the reason I keep updating this story! Thank you! ❤

* * *

Roy had already imagined multiple scenarios, but he hadn't mentioned it to Ed just yet. The poor blond had yet no thought outside of the house with all that had been going on _inside_, so when they received the fated phone call, Ed was _not _ready.

Winry is still snug asleep in the upstairs bedroom and Al has left the house to take an early morning run. I had been helped downstairs by my brother, as I hadn't slept well due to nightmares, recent memories, and pervading darkness interrupted by flashes of light outside my eyelids as the sun rose-not to mention all the _sounds_. I heard Roy's every movement that night.

As I wander into the kitchen, I browse the contents of the fridge. Suggested to me by the appliance, I try to choose between leftover spaghetti and one of my drinks, both of which I know the flavor and edibility.

Roy couldn't very well make me any more of those drinks, but perhaps I could learn how?

I reach in for my old standby, drinking slowly the smoothie as I let the flavors mingle on my tongue. They mix with the thoughts in my head, each flowing slowly through my mind and causing my attention to return to its overdrive from when I'd had my senses in the past.

I'd have to take care of Roy. I understand this. I'm sure that, with enough training, teaching and time I could learn to do the food, laundry, bills, taxes, cleaning, _caring_-there would be so much to do!-and somehow still manage some semblance of having an actual life.

I'm not quite over my new senses yet. Vision still throws me off, despite it being just as it had years ago. The world is as still and static as always, but to my eyes, it's always moving, always fluid, never still. If ever I have a moment of it, I begin to feel nauseated and have to shut out the sense of sight.

Sound is different-I hear constant noise, every noise outside and in, my average human hearing picks up on _everything _as if that's the only sense afforded to me.

Anything loud catches me off guard and startles me, so I welcome it when Hope is around to add her clicking claws and occasional panting to the ever-constant white noise.

I place a hand to my head as I fail to silence it and the senses and worries threaten to instill an early headache, only adding to the achy eyes of sleep-deprivation I already suffer from.

I was startled by the sudden sound of Roy's telephone ringing. Knowing I'm the only one within hearing and walking range of it, I limp as quickly as I can while I wonder who it is.

I manage to reach it just in time, despite falling and needing help back up from my faithful furry friend.

"He-hello?" I gasp, wiping away the _annoying _tears of pain and pointless humiliation.

"Edward, are you alright?"

I recognize the voice of Riza immediately, but she doesn't give me a chance to answer her back-not that she thinks I can.

"I called for Roy. He hasn't come into work, I hope he's okay. You didn't knock him out did you?" She asks jokingly, but I can hear her concern.

"I-I tried but he's too hard headed," I mumble. "He can't come in today, sorry. He's not feeling well."

"You're getting eerily good at your sixth sense, Edward."

"Yeah, heh, eerie is one word for it."

"What do you-"

I hang up the phone before she can pry further, fearing I'd incriminate myself or Roy if she did.

And imagine if it wasn't a secure phone line! If Roy was found out for human transmutation-

I've done enough to him.

Guilt finds me once again as that thought passes through my mind, reminding me both of how he'd scold me for thinking like that, as well as how terrible I feel for how _unable_ he is now.

There I go again, feeling bad for me. I feel bad because of how he is.

Me me me, I feel so _selfish!_ Have I always thought this way?!

I don't think so. I think I have a lower tolerance for stress now, at least of the sensory variety.

I'd gotten so cozy without my main senses, despite the very recent trouble it had landed me in.

I actually _enjoyed_ life without my senses. I had grown out of my obliviousness to a degree and had enjoyed the peace.

I hope I'll be able to adjust.

Hope nudges me in concern as she notices that I've slipped away from reality yet again, my many sensory anchors still metaphorically deaf to my chronically deprived mind.

I'm not really _withdrawn_, just totally not used to having all of these senses anymore.

Why did Truth _agree _to this.

A sudden noise startles me out of my pitying reverie, and I notice with both surprise and alarm that Roy is inching his way down the stairs with a steady bump-thump of his feet to find each stair.

Just like I had done so long ago, Roy is descending the stairs without aid, oblivious to the one watching him cautiously.

Roy though, at least has his sense of touch. I possessed nothing but the courage-and foolish tenacity-to try to find my way around, do more, explore everything.

Though it's disheartening to see Roy carefully make his way down the stairs, I'm inspired. It's just as Armstrong and the guys had told me; blindness nor deafness nor _any_ disability will limit Roy if he sets his mind to it.

Then again, they have said the same about me.

Roy suddenly stops as he nears the bottom, freezing like a deer in headlights. My confusion only grows as Hope growls at something behind me.

Strange, I don't _feel _any danger-

Surprise and annoyance both strike me as I hear a knock at the front door. I'm more than glad to answer it but it's _so far away!_

At least for someone with a broken hip.

It'll be a miracle if I don't go lame from this week.

When the hell is Al getting back? Does he time his run to Winry's sleep schedule?! That lazy mechanic hasn't woken up yet!

I try to hustle to the door, but just as pain shoots through my side and takes me down with a strangled gasp, the door opens on its own. Riza enters with her gun drawn and at alert, but as she spots pajama-donning Roy alive and well and myself on the floor, only slightly less so, she drops the weapon to her side to come to my aid.

"Colonel, you know Edward can't be around on his own yet. He needs to move to heal, but he's straining himself by doing it without aid."

"S-sorry," I gasp, trembling in her arms as Roy remains silent. "I-I forgot to take something for the pain..."

"It's fine Ed, you don't need to apologize." She rubs my back, and it's not gentle in the least but it's very soothing.

As tired as I am, I think I could drift off in her arms...

"Roy?"

Her concerned tone brings me back to reality, back to Riza being concerned over the man she _thinks _is deprived and confused with the one who to her is not.

"On deaf ears," I murmur, wading through the lingering fog of _owmyleg _and _owmyhip_ and _fuckthishurts_ and _healalreadydammit_ that involuntarily rampage through my mind.

"But I'm not talking about you," Riza replies in confusion, and somewhere I realize that she thinks that _I _think she was directing her concern at me.

"He's an idiot," I wheeze, feeling a bit emotionally unstable. "He just-"

Between being inhumanely tired, in more pain than usual, and having to _deal _with the situation at hand, I lose it.

* * *

I couldn't explain it. I felt an imminent sense of _dread_ before I could complete my stairway descent, and I stiffened in case it was how Ed felt when something was going to happen to him.

I don't really know what transpired next, but I knew it had to be _something_, because that feeling never fully left me.

Something _must _be going on.

Is it people? Who's up? Who's awake? Why didn't they wake me? Is Ed in trouble?!

I was completely ready to live without my senses, but it _can _be lonely at times. Especially now when I can't figure out what's happening and nobody will tell me.

The whole _household_ knows Dorset.

Oh, here's some now!

_Roy, what have you done to Edward?_

"What? What did-"

Was he on the stairs? Did I knock him down? I don't think I felt anyone else...

_Is it true?_

"Is _what_ true? Alphonse? Winry?"

A tense silence passes before the person identifies themselves.

_I found Ed laying on the floor and now he's crying and can't even talk straight. And now, I'm afraid he's telling the truth. I was concerned when you didn't come to work today, Roy._

Oh, oh no. Don't let it be Riza, not yet-

_What have you done, you foolish idiot?!_

Hell, I recognize that phrasing. That _is _Riza.

I knew she'd figure it out sooner or later, but I was hoping to have another day or two before I faced this-before _Ed_ faced it.

And now, he's breaking down again.

Riza why did you have to come already?!

"I traded my senses for Ed's," I answer bravely, not wanting to dance around the truth and cause Ed any further suffering from misdirected emotional lashings.

_And completely disabled yourself? You thought this would help Edward? Make him happy? How do you know he can handle it?_

"He's Edward! He can take anything life throws at him! And now he can do it much easier with his senses back."

_Then why is he still crying?_

"Did you ask him?"

_I don't have to. We both know the answer_.

"Riza I-I was tired of Ed being in _pain_, always settling for _less_."

_When did he ever settle for less? He's always living more. Doing more. Learning and experiencing more than we ever thought he could; expanding his freedom and his courage, his very foundations of his soul, every day. _

I know she's right. I did what I thought would help Ed-and perhaps in the future it will-but for now, I've only added onto the stress he already has from the long alleyway ordeal.

I just wanted him to _stay_ in reality and not needlessly suffer...

_Let's go._

"Go? Go where?"

_Alphonse and Winry have joined us now. They're going to tend to Ed, who looks like he hasn't seen peace in days. You're going to get ready and come with me to work, and we'll see if we can find work you can do._

"But Riza!"

_Don't you but Riza me. Ed himself was close enough to being able to work. You still have responsibilities that you may be able to fulfill._

"I need to be here for Ed-"

_He'll survive a few hours without you. He looks like he's going to take a nap anyway_.

Do I really have to go to work like this?! By the way she's dragging me back up the steps I'd just painstakingly descended, she must be serious.

I am _dead_.

* * *

I hadn't even realized I'd drifted off to sleep until I woke for a second time that day, snuggled comfortably in the blankets of the bed I shared with Roy. I gazed at the afternoon rays of sunlight as they filtered in through the windows before slowly sitting up and stretching out the lingering sleep.

What _time _is it? And why was I asleep?

It's sure odd to know what time of day it is by seeing the sunlight. I haven't had that luxury in so long...

I ease my always-sore waist out of the bed and gingerly make my way to the doorway, leaning on everything in sight to aid my walking.

God_damn_ this injury.

Despite my heavy breathing, I manage to call Hope to me. It's not loud, and I wonder if my family heard it, but Hope always hears me and she's with me instantly.

Should I use her help to get downstairs, or should I send her after Al?

Once again enabled with my senses, I need to prove that I can make use of them and be independent again.

But I have fallen a few times today on _level_ ground...

"Hope, go get Alphonse," I encourage her. She just looks at me quizzically and I wonder if she has _any_ clue who I'm talking about. "Al, my little brother. Alphonse."

She still stares at me with a lack of recognition, so I simply ask her to fetch Roy, hoping she'll find him and he'll find Al for me.

Oh, man. I _needed_ that nap.

"Brother?" Like magic, Alphonse appears at the bottom of the stairwell and catches me leaning on the banister at the top. "I caught Hope looking for something and she led me to you."

"I sent her for you," I say, though my voice isn't _nearly _as audible as I thought it'd be.

Am I still tired?

"Do you want to come downstairs?"

"Please."

"What? Oh now, I _know_ I heard that wrong."

"Aren't I talking loud enough?"

"I don't know brother, because I thought I heard you say _please_."

"I-oh go to _hell_, Alphonse!"

I know he's only messing with me, and I really don't mind. But I have just a little bit of irritability at the moment.

_Hell_ I could use a snuggle with Roy. Even just a hug.

"What's Roy doing?"

"Uh, paperwork," Al answers hesitantly as he takes my arm and helps me back down the stairs that I don't remember ascending.

"Paperwork? He couldn't stand it when he had his eyes; he sure as hell wouldn't do it now."

"Well," Al falters; "I think Lieute-er, Riza isn't giving him a choice in the matter..."

All at once I remember Riza's sudden visit and how I broke down in front of her, trying to tell her what happened in between being too tired and incoherent to really be understood.

But where are they _now?_

I ask Al to take me to Roy, so I can see the Colonel working on his homework.

"I don't think you should be traveling that far right now, Ed."

"But isn't he just in his study office?! It's two whole rooms away!"

"Erm, not quite..."

"Stop dicking around, Al! Where is he?!"

"Riza took him to Central Command. She wants to-"

"She took him _where?!_"

Why would she _do _that?! Is she trying to teach him a lesson? He's blind and deaf now, I think that's plenty!

But she took him away from me-without even _telling _me-

He's been gone to work and left you alone lots of times, Edward.

Yeah but not while he was so _disabled!_

And not when he needed me.

Or is it me that needs him?

I think since the alleyway, I've developed separation anxiety.

"Brother, Edward, calm down!"

Like an idiot, like a fucking baby, I'm sobbing again. I'd broken down needlessly in front of my brother, just because my boyfriend isn't here for me right now.

_Shit_, Ed, get a hold of yourself! Crying is okay but pay _attention _to outside of your mind, you can _do _that now!

"I want to go," I announce suddenly, cutting off the words from Al that I hadn't even been listening to.

"But-Edward, it's almost time for him to return. Besides that, you've been straining your-"

"I just took a damn nap, that's hardly straining my hip!"

"We should at least _call _first, brother."

As sensible as that is, I'm so _rash_ and I impatiently stomp off haphazardly toward the study with Al in tow.

"I can do it," I insist stubbornly, punching the magic call button to reach Roy's office phone. I have just enough time to catch my breath from the pain of walking before Riza's voice appears on the phone.

"Colonel Mustang's office, Lieutenant Hawkeye speaking."

"Riza, it's Ed. Is Roy there?"

"Edward? Yes, he's at his desk. He was just going over a paper."

She sounds so casual. Business as usual.

She's talking to me like it's the most normal thing in the world, but this is my first real phone conversation in so long-

Inhale Edward, steady that betraying wavering voice.

"Why-why did you take him?" As much as I want to be civil, I feel hurt that he was taken away at such a crucial time for us both. "Why did you steal him from me?"

There's a long pause on the other end, and I'm not sure if my renewed hearing imagined her slight gasp.

"Edward, I didn't... He was needed-"

"Yeah, by me! He needs to be here where he can adjust, not be shuffled through some crowded hallway and buried under papers that he can't even _see! _I can't believe-"

I'm starting to sob again, and despite Al's attempts to grab the phone from me, I tear away from him and force my hysterics into anger before I break.

"_Keep _him there then! Keep him there _all goddamn night _but just make sure all that fucking paperwork gets done!"

I slam the receiver down so hard that I break the phone, but I whip away from Al's offered pacification and turn to run. I only manage three painful steps before I go down again, screaming out in angered protest as Al tries to help me up.

Just like I had done so long ago.

I reacted so caustically when I lost my senses-and now as I gain them back, I'm losing my mind.

Why am I always suffering like this? Don't I get some cheesy, romantic happily ever after fairytale?

I just want it back the way it was before. When Roy was able and I was blissfully happy and not feeling deprived at all.

It's all too much. The hip, the senses, the _burden _of being the new head of household-the one who's supposed to hold it all _together_ and they expect me to be _strong_, to be a _mature adult _but don't they realize what a sensory overload slam can do to a person's mental health?!

I can't help that I'm breaking down. I don't want to, but I can't stop it, I try but I just _react _to _everything_ and every _sound_ and flash of light-

I curl up into a ball on the floor and resist Al's pleas and his helpful hand, just wanting to be alone for a while.

Alone, with only silence and my own mind, as it had been for me for so long.

Al doesn't know what it's like. Can't know what it's like.

He was trapped inside a metal body, forced to mature as a young boy while others thought of him as an adult.

There _are_ similarities, but he at least could interact. Whether in positive or negative situations, he could always react and stay rooted in reality.

That had been a struggle for me since the Promised Day, every struggle I've ever had in the form of a memory, a dream, or in the actual difficult moment has been magnified and it's been all I _had_ until the struggle was over, I couldn't escape from it because I had no sensory distraction, it was just an all-encompassing _strain_-it-it was constant _alienation_, I felt so different, so _isolated_ even in moments where I was growing to re-sense the world in my own ways.

I hear the faint sound of Winry's voice mixing with Al's, something akin to the phantom echo of Freedom's diminishing miracle upon my ears.

In a moment of disorientation and disconnect from past and present, I wonder if I'm losing my sense of hearing due to Truth or wishful thinking.

Is that _relief?!_ Roy gave his whole future, his whole _life_ to you and you'd happily discard it so easily?

No, I want to give it _back, _but he made it _permanent_-

Forever I'm stuck like this, thrust back into the role of a _normal _person and expected to go on like everybody else.

Just another day in this dumb illusion of normal life.

I'll still have Roy-and my brother, Winry, Dr. Stein, Riza-

Man, I really yelled at her-

I can still forge this life into something amazing, something unbelievable and epic.

I'm the Fullmetal Alchemist goddammit; I can transmute _anything!_

Even if it is a fractured reality and an unsteady mind.

My past has only made me stronger-I just hope that this will, too.

For the sake of my family.

I've finally quieted, and despite my pride, I wipe my drying anguish from my face and turn to see that family behind me.

Even Riza and Roy have joined the little audience watching Edward come to grips with reality.

Judging by the expression on their faces-oh, hell, I can feel their combined chi too-

They weren't judging me for slipping again.

They're relieved that I'm at ease again, back to reality to be a _part_ of that family again.

They know that I'm not completely stable in reality just yet. But they don't mind. They're willing to wait as long as it takes.

I roll my weight to the side and shakily manage to stand without aid. I turn and limp slowly, the piercing pain slowing me down but not stopping me, not this time.

I make it to them and just allow myself to be enveloped in their embrace. I hear their words but I just listen to their emotions, needing a mix of realities for now if I'm going to settle into just one with ease.

"Thanks, you guys."


	83. Chapter 83

Hey guys, sorry for the short hiatus. I haven't written in a while because it's been chaos here-my grandfather's in the hospital for recovery from a ruptured bowel, now getting pneumonia, my grandmother's running herself sick, I've even taken a temporary leave from work for them both. _Oy_. I hope I can work on this some more soon, but it might be another few weeks before you see more. Sorry.  
As it is, I apologize for the rather short chapter...

_To scribbledink_: Yes and yes! Yes to Braille and yes to the analysis of your review. Beautifully summed up!  
_To Sam's Laptop_: _Proooooob_ably. In the future though. :P  
_To inuyashamunkey_: Roy knew what he was getting into. Or so he thought...  
_To speedfanatic05_: Thank you! *love*  
_To Hanna Kurosaki-chan_: Sadly, none this long or epic, though there are a few I'm proud of. Take a browse through? ;)  
I _do_ want to work on some of my older stories at some point...but I love this one too much right now. XD

* * *

Day one back at work was a serious bitch. And for day two, Roy wanted to snap his fingers at his loyal lieutenant.

He only endured most of one day on his first visit to the office, and though he couldn't pick up on the shock of his men like Edward could, he still felt cornered for even having to endure the crowds and the hardship of paperwork.

While he was _blind_.

What was Riza _thinking?!_

Couldn't she just file for his disability and retirement, like they'd done for Ed? Surely she realized that Roy felt as though he could no longer work in his condition.

Yet, Riza was not one to give up so quickly. She assigned Fuery to translate the text of the many papers to Dorset, and Roy proved himself able to focus on the topics they covered...dismally.

His mind was still on Ed at home, trying to figure out his new life; struggling to recover from a hip and a new freedom he never expected.

Between Dorset and thinking of Ed, he managed to finish five pieces of paperwork in total.

Even if Roy wouldn't admit it, his team could tell he was depressed. Whether it was due to loss of senses or separation from the man Roy had _just _gotten back from the land of the dead, they weren't sure; but he made little effort to engage in conversation beyond formalities and even refused a trip to the cafeteria at lunchtime, his previously favorite free-pass escape from his desk and paperwork. He opted to remain at his desk with no food as he claimed no appetite, all comments from Riza ignored as they weren't conducive to his immediate return home.

And oh, when he did finally go home, what he heard was happening with his young love-he was even _more_ upset with Riza.

Riza didn't even have the nerve to tell Ed that she was taking Roy to work? She just _took _him?

Didn't she _know_ how fragile Ed was right now-how much he _needed _as much familiarity as possible?!

Roy made sure to be with Ed for the rest of the night. He sat with Ed through the sunset of which he used to wish Ed could see; snuggled with him on the couch and had a normal conversation as though they were back to their old life; and then Roy helped Ed up to bed, Hope following loyally as always to lay her large body across the entire bottom half of the bed.

What a lapdog.

* * *

_Did you just call me a lapdog?!_

"I was talking about Hope. However, if you so desire to be so..."

_What?_

"Edward, you can be my lapdog _any_ day."

_What? Like sitting in your lap as you do your work?_

"Well, sitting _on _my lap while I do _certain _work..."

Glad of my sense of touch, I slip my hand down his side and grab his ass, squeezing tightly enough for Ed to feel it-and for a man with a broken hip, he leaps up _fast_.

"Where'd you go, my love?"

_Shit,_ he replies after several minutes, pausing before repeating himself; _shit Roy. I slammed my head into the wall. I had to explain the noise to Al and Winry...I woke them up..._

I can't help it-I burst out laughing, calming only after he reaches out to my face and runs his hand through my hair.

He may not be sexual, but he's very sensual.

_Ohhh_.

Though he can't feel it, I return the favor, reaching over to trace the outline of his face. His long hair tickles the back of my hand, but he must know and it disappears as he gently kisses that exact spot-

And my supremely _annoyingly _loyal Lieutenant ruins the moment yet again.

Ed's touch disappears for a moment, followed shortly after by a possessive hug containing a bit of trembling. I'm really hoping it's _not _the woman I think it is, coming to take me away; I already owe her some sweet payback for _yesterday's _incident with Ed.

_Roy, time to get ready for work_.

Oh, you've _got _to be kidding me-

"Dammit Riza I did this yesterday. I'm blind and deaf, can't you just file for my disability?!"

_You've worked through blindness before. We've proven we can communicate despite both handicaps together._

"Yes but I'm needed _here _right now," I falter, trying to stay _close _to Ed.

_You can't let yourself grow used to isolation as Edward originally did._

"Which was grown out of with the advent of interaction. I have that, Riza. I have _him_. I have you and the guys. Why do I need to prove myself further?!"

_You'd give up on Ishval?_

In a way only my two blondes can do, the great flame in this alchemist suddenly feels extinguished. Starved of pride and squelched with reality.

"I..."

I don't want to give up on Ishval. Without my senses to enable me to actually lead the country in the right direction, what can I do?

I may have been ready to go back to office when I was blind, but that was before I took on eternal silence as well.

Before I took on _Edward_.

I found love and found life much more exciting, fulfilling, and work seemed of less importance-not that I haven't strived for Ishval in every strategic move I made in office up until now.

But...let's face it, very little has been achieved by my hands, despite Grumman's support. All I've really been able to do is make a blond firecracker happy to live again, happy to have a life with me.

No matter who holds the senses in the relationship.

Maybe I should tell Ed it's _not _impossible to trade back?

No, no. He needs time to escape from the alleyway and the newfound stress overload.

And to _enjoy _what he'd been missing out on for so long!

Do something with his brother again-they're both flesh and blood, and fully able!

Well, despite Ed's hip. I only wish I could have healed _that_, too.

Where's a unicorn when you need one?

_Colonel?_

Huh? Oh, man, Ed's right! It _is _easy to get lost in here! Not that I want to go _there _yet, back to the mundane task of paperwork for hours on end...

"Okay, okay...I'll get ready."

* * *

As soon as I got to work after joining my headstrong blond and leaving home my heartbroken one, I was subjected to something very new.

When I had first been blinded, I had heard about it; but I hadn't the opportunity to test it out.

Braille.

A beginner's Braille workbook had been retrieved and left on my desk, and from the moment my fingers ran over its surface and felt the raised dots-well, I felt a combination of intrigue, relief, and sadness weight my soul.

This is real, isn't it? I'm blind. For good. How many people have to accept that crushing reality twice in their life?

I don't know what the dots say. It's not like learning a foreign language for the military; there's no translation for me to work from-I'll need help to learn how to read.

For everything, I suppose. Just like Ed.

I knew what I was giving up for Ed when I performed the transmutation. I was ready to give up everything, and I still am.

Is it wrong then, to feel melancholy as I run my fingers over the bumps in silent exploration, and-even more blasphemous-to wish I had the senses back?

Never to steal them from Ed. But when reality is knocking, _pounding _at the door like this-

I used to strive on reality. So many would crumble under the pressure of authority or responsibility, and with the exception of the brutal massacre in Ishval, I always took charge and _thrived _in everything I did.

Now, I have no control. Now, I fear for the welfare and mental health of Ed as he struggles to cope, and I'm torn away from him where I could _help _him, where I _can't _help him because I'm stuck at this desk facing the harsh realities of work, leadership, learning and coping.

I push the Braille guide away and put my head down on my desk, feeling no desire to cry even if it would help me. I have to stay strong for my country and my team, who is already shouldering most of my paperwork for me.

This has to be the _worst _way to learn appreciation for your senses.

Just as I'm tempted to transmute my depression into disinterest and slip into a nap, Riza appears next to me and places the Braille back into my unfortunately able hands to teach me.

I don't argue. I know it wouldn't stop her. I just dismayingly do my best to pay attention and learn.

* * *

"How was your day, Ed?"

_Well I didn't break down again, if that's what you're asking_.

I'm not _that _much of an asshole, am I?

No, Edward's just ridiculously prideful.

"That's not what I asked you and you know it."

_I know. It was just long and tiring. I still slip_, he admits, _but I slip into the safe parts of my mind and not the alleyway. That only_...

He trails off and I don't _need _a sixth sense to tell he's holding something back.

"Only what?"

_Only comes when I sleep_.

When his eyes are still closed and he's not in control.

I take his hand and squeeze it reassuringly. I want to just take him and run away to happiness on some beach somewhere where we both have all our senses and no worries ever again. But, reality is rarely so kind.

_Riza told me you're learning Braille_.

"It's not difficult," I explain while I try to sound like I'm _interested _in it, in my boring and frustrating work day, while I'd rather focus on Ed and _home_. "But I haven't learned everything yet."

_You're lucky. You have the luxury of Braille to add to your Dorset_.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," I reply awkwardly, feeling a bit stung by Ed's comment.

Lucky? He has my senses now. Does he view myself as fortunate for keeping one of them selfishly?

Perhaps he feels the fortunate one for having my senses.

I admit, I feel a bit sickened by his comment; as though he were taunting me with the senses-dangling them in front of me like an immature child and jeering 'Na na na, they're mine and you can't have them!'

I know I'm only imagining it though; as much as he may have taunted me in the past, he would _never_ gain enjoyment from the suffering of another, and I'd like to think, especially from me.

So stop deluding yourself and relax, cheer up, because as crappy as your day was; you still can come home to Edward.

I'm still so thankful that he's _alive_ and just to have him with me.

"Braille isn't hard to learn," I offer him, as he seemed to be interested; "but I am being started out on basic stuff, where the dots are larger than in more advanced manuscripts."

_She didn't tell me much about it. Maybe she did, but I was too happy to have you back to pay attention_.

"I missed you too Ed," I say with a laugh. "It's all really boring stuff though, trust me."

_Nah. It sounds like a new adventure. It must be neat to use Braille_.

I can almost pick up on his thoughts-how he misses his sense of touch.

"It is, but I'd rather use Dorset with you any day."

Still too light for his build and too heavy for my lap, he sits with me to snuggle and relax for a while before night claims our energy.

Who could blame the man for missing his sense of touch? Especially now that he seems to be more interested in feeling what he can see, trying to take advantage of _every_ sense.

Alphonse at least can relate with Ed on that. The poor kid was a suit of armor for _years_-how he ever stayed sane was always beyond me.

The Elric brothers though, always have thrived. Their father, for cryin' out loud, was centuries old!

That boy will outlive me, no doubt it.

We just gotta keep carjackers away...


	84. Chapter 84

**Chapter 84!**

Hey everyone. I'm sorry this chapter took so long to get to you. I had a lot of it written already, but on July 22nd, my grandfather passed away at home and I lost inspiration for most everything. The sparks are starting to return to life but I can't promise how fast I'll be able to write the next chapter. Sorry all!

_To Attackoneverything_: I don't really have a set amount of chapters in mind. I do have an ending planned somewhere for in the future, but who knows what will happen between now and then! That's life. :)  
_To Secret Companion_: Roy didn't _lie_ to Ed, he just phrased it how he wanted it to really be. He never said it wasn't possible! As for his hip-he could always feel deep muscle and skeletal pain, and boy, is it really hell for him after the accident and surgery. Right now, that's the last thing on his mind... And thank you so much for your well wishes. Pappy's still with us, in our hearts; but he no longer has to worry about cancer or all the horrible side effects that came with it. We really miss him, but we know he's at peace now, and Nana's getting better every day.  
_To ImpossibleJedi4_: Nope! Roy asked Truth to be able to keep one sense, and he kept Touch. Roy's minutely able with this; he was just afraid to be without every sense.  
_To FaelanaSnow_: They're never without as long as they have each other! And...thank you for thinking about my family. It really means a lot to me :)  
_To Aslowdescentintomadness_: Thank you for your awesome review-and for your love for the story! (I won't tell the other stories. They're already too jealous to listen anyway, haha)  
_To speedfanatic05_: I would love for Roy and Ed to move in that direction more as well; but I made a commitment to keep this story as tame as possible for all audiences. I'm _very_ tempted to write a behind-the-scenes...scene, but that's for another time. :)

Thanks for reading everyone, and thanks for waiting! Hopefully the next chapter doesn't take too long, but right now my life is kind of locked onto Pokemon and Chinese. 加油！中文！我喜欢中文！再见 ：）

* * *

Winry and my little brother have been with me all week, despite my insistence that Granny needs them more than I do.

Though, with Roy at work and only a wolf to keep me company, I probably _would _cry more often.

I'm allowed that, right? Between the pain in my hip and the perception of loss of my _old _life-my _sensory _deprived life-well, I'm still pretty damn shaken up.

Al is trying to teach me how to make out the bills and do taxes, but I'm not having it. I seem to no longer be able to wrap my head around numbers or long strings of text, despite my previous vocation as a very talented alchemist who would read thousands of books with complex mathematical equations.

I sophomorically shove the papers away as I fail again to comprehend them; the combination of words and numbers in various boxes in something akin to a formatted _chart_ on the bill is making no sense at all to me, despite Al's repeated efforts to teach me.

I wonder if I'm having such trouble because I subconsciously don't _want _to do it, to deal with it.

With a ragged sigh, I shove my head into my hands, glad Al has left the room so that he won't see-

"Brother? Are you alright?"

"I have a headache," I lie, knowing that if I continue my attempts at comprehension I _will _have one.

"Do you want to take a break?"

"Yeah."

He helps me up out of the chair and aids my always-painful limping gait to the couch, where I like to lay down as Hope leaps on top of me. She's incredibly smart and always minds my hip, and by some miracle, I can breathe under the weight of her large body.

"It's a wonder that she doesn't crush you," Al observes, and thank goodness Hope is on me, or I would leap up and bark out a challenge.

"Are you callin' me _small, _Alphonse?!"

"Of course not brother," he replies with a giggle despite the glare I'm managing to hold.

I pet Hope to soothe her as much as myself, and just as I let my mind begin to wander, Alphonse wakes me.

Oh, silence was _so _peaceful.

"Are you still having trouble with numbers, brother?"

"Yeah." No use lying to him; though Alphonse can't blatantly _feel_ lies as I can, he knows me too well.

"Do you think it'll improve in time?"

"I don't know," I murmur, trying to ignore the subject as though that will make it go away.

With Alphonse's next words, it just might.

"If you find yourself unable to do it, brother, you do have people who are willing to help."

"And what, do our paperwork forever?" I snort snidely, always trying to cover my pride.

"Yes. If not someone closer to you here in Central, I'll do it for you."

I gaze out at him from underneath the warm fuzzy blanket covering me, always amazed by what others will do in the name of love.

"You would do all of my paperwork? My bills, taxes, everything?"

"Of course. I'll even help with the marriage paperwork if you want me to," he says with a mischievous grin.

"Al why is everyone trying to get me to _marry _him?!"

"Oh please, you're _already _married to him. We just want to see it official and see you two in matching tuxes."

I know it wasn't Hope's body causing the obscene warmth in my face. I opt to just snort and turn my head to face the ceiling, as though that's where all of the numbers I'd struggled over in the last few days would sort themselves out and make _sense_.

"Would you like an aspirin?"

"Huh?" I turn my gaze back to Alphonse, still seeing a jumble of numbers between us.

"For your headache."

"What headache-oh, uhm, s-sure."

"Edward Elric," Alphonse sighs as he stands over me. "I _will _understand if you need a break. You don't have to tell me you have a headache if you don't."

"I was afraid you were gonna make me keep reading," I admit with a muttered whine and matching pout.

"Never, brother." He summons Hope off me and replaces her body with a light blanket. "Relax for a while. You can try the paperwork again later, if you like, but you've earned a break."

"You don't mind-"

"Of course not. Now just relax. After all, you are still healing."

"Yeah, I am, aren't I." I lazily roll to my side, closing my eyes to relax in the sweet still world free of visuals.

Al's footsteps are light but still so loud to my ears; they're gone from the room in moments but I can still hear him in the other room with Winry.

Somehow, the sounds meld into wonderfully hypnotic gibberish, slowly growing quieter as the darkness before me gives way to a beautiful white abyss.

* * *

Clocks and keeping track of the passage of time had become so alien to me. In my life of blindness and lack of social and mature obligation, I measured my day not by hours and minutes, but in moments.

Moments of peace and serenity in meditation. Self-discovery.

Moments where I found new limits to test and break free from.

Moments of love. Spending time with Roy and just enjoying every moment with him, enjoying every conversation of politics and alchemical innovation and how we _felt _about the world and people and, always my favorite, each other.

I love that man.

When we first discovered the advent of Dorset, I would ask him what time it was. Mainly in the mornings, because I didn't want him to leave for work.

I absolutely loved, and I think he could tell, when he suddenly changed numerical times into what they should really be.

What time is it? Sunset.

What time is it now? Moonrise.

An hour later; what time is it? The stars are so bright tonight.

He made me cry more than once, and I didn't even care about how sappy I was.

Now, as I wake and look around, I see nobody to ask the time. No family, no Roy, to inquire the hour.

Even Hope is absent. She would always answer 'It's loyalty time' anyways.

All I have for guide is...the clock on the mantel.

I haven't looked at a clock in so _long_, but the time is easy enough to make out.

Roy will be home soon. Until then, I can just...

...That's interesting. The clock is round, and the watch hands are dividing the circle nicely. If I turn my head just this way, it can almost be a transmutation circle...and with a few more symbols there, one could-

I tear my gaze away and rub at my hypnotized eyes, willing myself back to the present. With more pain and stiffness than I expect, I manage to make it to my feet.

I limp very slowly and sorely toward the front door, aiming to wait for Roy on the front steps.

I may be a retired dog of the military, but I'm still a dog, I guess.

Loyally I sit down achily and carefully on the top step, ignoring the protest of my hip and focusing instead on the darkening evening sky.

My eyes gaze back and forth between the cars traveling in the road and the people walking on the sidewalk, all enjoying the pleasant nighttime air. They pass by with complete obliviousness to the man watching them carefully.

I wonder if any of them are neighbors. Do they know me? Have I met them? Did Roy introduce me at all?

I wonder, if they saw me, would they still think me blind and deaf?

That would definitely be an interesting interaction. I think I've had a surreal dream like that once...

The sky suddenly flashes into a spectral reenactment of daytime before going dark again, and before I can calm the fluttering in my chest and figure out _what _the hell that was, a cacophonous explosion of sound envelopes my entire being, shaking the house and me to my very core.

I don't know how fast I move or _how_ I'm moving this quickly on my hip, but I'm not really _thinking _anything at this point. The scene passes me by in a _blur_ as I bolt into and through the house, landing for safety on my couch.

I don't even notice until several moments _afterward _that the couch is on its back and the bottom is in the air. Still all I can focus on is the fear-driven _slamming _of my heart in my chest and threatening to give me just enough feeling in my throat to leap all the way out.

"Brother? Brother?!"

Alphonse's voice quells the mania just enough for my wide eyes to gaze around and find him; for my fearful mind to open up and reach out.

"Ed are you okay?"

"I-I-" I don't fight as he takes me in his arms, us both sitting on the back of the upchucked couch.

"Calm down, brother." His tone isn't chiding at all; only soothing. "Was it the noise?"

"And-and th-the um, the flash," I admit.

"You've never reacted that way to thunder before, but I've never heard it so _close _to us either."

Thunder? That was thunder?

And preceding lightning, Edward.

I freaked out over _thunder?_

Al did just say it's never been so close-

But I lost my shit that quick over _thunder?!_

"Brother?"

"That was-I just-and it was-was it really just thunder?!"

"It must have been nearby." He catches my gaze with his hand as he brushes my bangs back enough for me to see him, to help take my mind off my own fear.

"Al I-I'm sorry, I-I didn't expect it, it-it-"

"Relax, Ed. I understand. It startled me too."

My heart is still _pounding_.

"Geez Al," I wheeze, gripping him tightly. "What-what if another-"

As though reading my mind, the forces of nature quake the house with thunder and a reverberating boom to match. I may have been thinking about it just a moment before, but I wasn't _ready_ and like a fearful child I clutch at Al tightly, struggling to find grounding in his arms.

I can hear him talking to me, but the words themselves aren't sinking in. I feel choked for air; the voice-the wind outside-my own gasping-it all melds into one overbearing sound that is pushing me toward the edge.

The edge of _what? _What is happening to me?

Fear-no, terror-and shaking. A heartbeat loud enough to rival the thunder in the sky. A feeling of inescapable _panic _amongst the wheezing breaths-

Oh, don't tell me I'm having a _panic attack_.

It dawns on me just as I hear Al call my name in concern, and as I open my eyes to reassure him with a glance-

_BOOOOOOM_

"If there really are gods out there I wish they would _stop this!_" I gasp, clutching tightly to my brother as I struggle to willingly stop the tides of panic.

"There might be a few more," I hear him say. "Especially if they're this close."

"I don't want it any more," I cry out pathetically. "I want him to take it back. The eyes the ears-all of it-I don't want it! Not if I'm gonna be a _wreck_ all the time!"

"Shh, just relax. Calm down; you're safe. I'll protect you," he soothes in an attempt to stop my pitiful wailing.

As if I were a toddler again.

I don't care-I need this. I need him right now.

Hell, I'm still trembling. Shaking in the arms of my little brother, with the taste of salty tears on my lips.

Thunder sounds outside again, only slightly lessened, but I'm calming and it doesn't reset my stability. I'm returning to Al and to my strength, despite the fact that I have _no_ chance of standing just yet.

My hip doesn't hurt right now, but my legs are pure jelly. I'm still shaken to the core, but I think Roy's arrival will help.

Shouldn't he have been home by now?

"Where-where's Roy?"

"He may be late due to the storm," Al explains sensibly, pointing out the obvious safety precaution that I don't have the mental clarity for just yet.

Of course, it would make sense to just wait out a storm so near and likely dangerous...

But I don't want sense, I want _Roy_.

"Can you call?"

"Using the telephone in a storm like this isn't safe, Ed. You know that."

I lower my gaze and slump a bit as I gather what strength I have left to compose myself, no longer jumping in fright as the next crack of thunder sounds.

"Would you like to wait for him here? I can fix the couch and light the fire."

"Fix the couch?" I finally take a long enough look at it to see it only a bit worse for the wear, but at quite an odd angle.

"Apparently when you jumped on it, you were going fast enough to knock it over-plus, I think you may have cracked the frame in the back." Alphonse lifts the corner up with one hand, revealing his strength that I once had and have never fully regained.

I wonder if I ever will?

"Yep! But this is an easy fix with alchemy. Are you ready, brother?"

"Oh," I reply in eagerness, though it sounds more like confusion- "you want me to help?"

"No, I just want to make sure you're ready for the alchemy. I didn't want to startle you."

"Startle...me...Alchemy isn't a trigger for me! I don't-"

But the sound might have been. Any sound can be now, especially after the hellish thunderstorm.

I really _am _turning into a wreck, and Al is too patiently accommodating my sorry ass.

"Brother, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"Just-just don't treat me like I'm mentally unstable or something, Al." Because I feel like I am. "Just be there for me, okay?"

His arms wrap around me again and I try my best to be strong, but my heart still breaks inside. For needing Al's coddling. For him to _see _me like this.

I didn't mind being physically disabled.

But to be mentally crippled like this?

"Things will get easier in time," Al explains as though reading my mind. "You'll find ways to cope with some things, and for others, you'll just get so used to them that they'll cease to bother you."

"I don't _want _to have to be like this at all, Alphonse! I want to be _me _again!"

"Normality takes a long time after trauma," he replies quietly. "I'm sorry you have to suffer through all of this."

"If Roy had just kept his damn senses-"

"He gifted them to you so that you could be yourself again, just as he knew you years ago. So you'd never have to worry about being unable to get out of trouble again. He loves you too much to risk losing you, so he gave you everything you need to remain safe and strong."

"At the cost of his own life?"

"As long as he has you, he's happy, and you know it."

"I know," I whine. "I just...I mean... I'll try. It's so _hard_ though."

"We're all here to help you through this. You and Roy both have such a strong support system to aid you. And we don't think less of either of you. We just want you both to be happy and well again."

I turn my tired eyes to the couch as his words and tangible emotions sink into me. Not one bit of it is a lie or an embellishment, so I can rest easy and just try to recover completely.

I clap my hands and slam them to the couch, fixing the frame in an instant. Al simply shakes his head as that bit of exertion exhausts me to the point that I can't get up without his aid.

"You'll never change, will you."

My heart lifts just a bit more.


	85. Chapter 85

_To hitsimitsi_: There will be more intimate moments in the future! Nothing too revealing, just regular 'lovey dovey' fluffy stuff :)  
_To speedfanatic05_: You put into words what I can't. Thank you for your heartfelt condolences. I only hope my writing stays up to snuff; I'll be looking forward to each review!  
_To ImpossibleJedi4_: Ed's number problem is just what he thought it might be-psychologically he's under a lot of pressure and he doesn't want to deal with all the new responsibilities, doesn't think he _can_, so he's developing dyslexia and dyscalculia the more he tries to push himself.Z  
I may yet do that smutty sidey story. I'll PM you if ever I do, haha!  
_To FaelanaSnow_: Doing better every day, thank you

* * *

Maybe it shouldn't have surprised me that the surprise sights and sounds of the thunderstorm startled Ed.

Or, from how Alphonse silently described it to me, how the storm _terrified_ Ed.

As soon as the weather cleared and Riza drove me home; as soon as she passed me onto Alphonse for guidance-

As soon as Ed nearly knocked me over in an insecure hug.

"I missed you too, Ed. Was your day as good as mine?"

_Fuck today_, is his eloquent reply.

"My thoughts exactly. Don't worry, you won't have to worry about dealing with it alone tomorrow. I'll be right here for you."

I was worried there might be a long pause while Ed worked that out, and damned if there isn't.

_But you have work_.

"I'm retiring," I say, though my throat is tight. "I'm-I can't keep-"

_No_, he interrupts me. _You were learning to work around it. You were learning Braille. Your men were helping you. Riza said you can do it_.

"I can never make any progress," I say with difficulty. "My men know more about my work than I do. For me to learn about anything it has to be read by them and then translated through Dorset to me. It's a waste of time and so is my being there."

_But..._

"I can't go back to work, Ed," I say with a sad sigh. "Fuhrer Grumman sat down with me and told me to spend more time at home where it matters. Even he can see that I'm useless now," I finish darkly, realising the wording I'd just used-and how it could affect Ed-only moments too late.

_I'm sorry,_ he says, hugging me with no release in sight. _I told you...you never...should have done this..._

"I did it for you, Ed."

_Just because I was broken didn't mean we both had to be. You deserve better than this._

"Ed, you're not _broken_-"

_I cower at loud noises, bright lights and sudden movements. I'm afraid of the dark and being alone. I wish that you had just let me die and you remain normal, rather than doing this to both of us!_

Too stunned for words, I just stand there with mouth agape, marginally glad I'm deaf-elsewise I'd hear this torment straight from his mouth.

"You...you just need time, Ed. You'll adjust-"

_You keep telling me that! I'm trying but it's not working! I can't walk, I can't read, and half the time I have a panic attack and I can't even breathe!_

"You had anxiety before," I reason. "You worked your way through it, I know you're capable of doing-"

_I worked my way through because I had support, and silence to reason in. I learned to cope and explore and learn. I learned to exist in and interact with reality. But dammit Roy-I can't __**deal **__with reality right now. I have you and Al and Winry but I still can't take it_.

"Well-what can I do to help?"

_Nothing_, he answers me, though his Dorset is weak. _Coddling is all anyone can do and it won't help_.

"Excuse me? Do you think I coddled you when I first met you? Or when I adopted you from Al's care after the Promised Day? I _love _you Ed, I don't coddle you. I try to support you in every way that's best for you, and right now, you're not being unreasonable, you're still traumatized from everything that happened! If I were to push you out of your comfort zone two months ago, you'd hit me and rise above it immediately. But if I did it today, it would only add to your stress and make it harder to cope with what's already going on. Now tell me, do you still want the support I'm offering, or do you want me to forcibly try to _make _you get over everything?"

I really wish my sixth sense were as good as Edward's, because I can't feel his reaction. I can only feel the tense silence in the room, and I wonder now if Ed's brother or friend are here witnessing this conversation.

_I'm sorry, Roy._ Pause. _I'm not used to feeling so stressed and weak, and I always healed faster than this, so I'm expecting it now. And it sucks that I'm not. I'll try harder to deal with it but... everything scares the shit out of me, it's so damn hard_.

"Everything except my face, I hope?"

_That's so scary that I just laugh, so that's fine_.

We both share a laugh at that one, and I feel him slide into my arms in comfort.

"Hey, tell you what; I just had a good idea."

_You're capable of that?_

"Only when you're here to inspire me."

_Flirt_.

"How about we try something different tomorrow? A walk around the block? When was the last time you actually got to smell the fresh air, hear the birds fly by, play with the neighborhood dogs?"

_You want me...to go outside? With you?_

"Geez Ed, I didn't think I was _that _bad of company."

_No I mean! Neither of us are really stable yet...you in your handicaps, me in my hip and head... would we be safe?_

"Of course we would! We have each other, and you kick ass with or without your senses."

_Yeah...yeah I do, don't I?_

"It's settled! A leisurely walk together, just you and I."

_Can Hope come?_

"Of course. Where is that fuzzball?"

_Trying to get food from Al in the kitchen, I think._

"Figures. She acts more like a dog than a wolf."

_I owe my life to her_.

"Twice over. I think she's happy here, and that's all that matters."

_I am too, Roy. Thank you for, uh, adopting me._ He presses a gentle kiss to my lips before teasingly running away, leaving me trying to play 'Blind man following the gimp'.

* * *

Al said he and Winry would only stay for one more day, as they had to get home to Pinako soon. I was saddened to hear they would be leaving tomorrow-and a bit worried, too-but I still have Roy for home support, and Riza and the guys should I need any outside help.

I make sure Roy is dressed for the refreshing spring weather for our outing. Though I feel guilty for needing to do this for him-even though he says he just needs me to pick out clothes and that he _could _dress himself-he says he feels honored to let me help and that that he wants me to stop doting on his lack of senses so that I can enjoy mine.

Easier said than done, Roy. I've always had a bleeding heart and you know it.

Alphonse encourages us-well, more like, _shoos_ me out the door-and sets Hope loose on our heels.

"Hey girl, stick close okay? People are afraid of wolves." I grin as I think of all the _chaos _I could cause.

"It feels nice out today," Roy murmurs with a content smile.

_You're not too cold?_

"Just perfect. And you?"

_I can only feel what hits my lungs. It feels comfortable. _

"Where do you want to go first?"

"Uhm," I stammer nervously. Aren't we just taking a walk around the block? That's what he said before, isn't it?

_We're not going far, right? Where did you want to go?_

"Anywhere you want to see. There's a lot you've missed."

_You're what I've missed the most,_ I reply, and blush furiously when he kisses me on the cheek. I look around nervously to see if anybody _saw_, and then wonder why I care about that now that I have my sight.

"Either tell me what's going on in that mind of yours or start walking," Roy interrupts my thoughts with his joking comment.

_Sorry. Just happy to be with you_.

"Then spend time with me. Less time in your mind, okay?" Roy falters a bit, focusing on walking and talking at the same time. Walking with me takes practice; not only is he blind, but my limp must be pretty damn noticeable to him. "I don't mean that in a bad way. I know you always have done a lot of thinking in there. Just remember that you're able to interact with the rest of the world now, too."

I know he's just trying to cheer me up and have me look outward, focus on the rest of the world now. Much like when I was first exploring with my lack of senses, however...I it all frightens me.

First I had to explore all the strange _unknowns_ that were around me-sudden movements that I didn't make, the floor falling out from under me or suddenly rising; somebody grabbing me before I even knew they were _there_.

Now, it's completely switched-I had these senses all my life, but I learned so well how to get on without them that they've become a handicap to me. They scare the crap out of me.

A deafening explosion of thunder, a blinding flash of lightning sent me into a panic attack and caused me to literally _break the couch_.

Every car passing by from behind me makes me jump. If one blows its horn, I'm left shaking from the sudden, unexpected noise, and Roy has to ask me what's going on.

"Ed? Ed, what is it?"

_Car-car horn_, I answer, my nervousness carrying over into Dorset as a strange physical stutter.

"Surprised you?"

_It was so damn loud. Everything is so loud._ I sigh and hug his arm, the very crutch keeping me walking steadily, but also keeping me anchored, even now with my senses, to reality.

"Do you want to rest?"

_We didn't even go a block_.

"That's not a valid answer to the question I asked."

_Do you know how you feel when you're half asleep?_ I think I threw him off with my sudden subject change, as he stumbles just a bit. _How every movement and every sound is annoying because you just want to get some rest? That's how I feel all the time. Every sight, every sound, is just so loud and jarring and interruptive to me. I know it's terrible because I have these senses now, but I just want to stay home all the time where it's peaceful and quiet and safe._

"You would rather be blind and deaf than face the world?"

I'm not sure if he's trying to guilt trip me, or if he's being judgemental. I think I'm too nervous and on high alert to pay attention to his emotions.

_I'm trying, you know. I really am. It's hard as hell though_.

"I didn't say you weren't. You're doing incredibly well, considering the circumstances. I could compare the sudden shift from peace to senses being akin to being sucked into a war-war is hell on your nerves, you're on constant high alert, every sound and every sight could be your last and it's-it's absolutely terrifying, Ed. Alchemy and self-preservation were the only things that kept me alive. But I knew it would be over. You don't know when you'll adjust. You're being incredibly brave to face this every day-and I admire you for it. I'm sorry that I shoved this all on you; I really thought you would benefit from regaining your senses."

I stop us under the shade of a blossoming tree, unable to continue walking while I process his eloquent speech in my head and my heart.

I've never known war, but I've seen some pretty rough battles with otherworldly creatures. He was right, I knew it would eventually end-but this sensory assault never will. That's what senses are for. To intake outside stimuli and interpret them to the mind. To interact with the rest of the world.

I could interact just fine before, even if it was a bit smaller of a bubble of sensing, and even if I could only talk to one person at a time.

It wasn't ideal for anyone, but somehow, I grew so used to it that I not only thrived with it, I _enjoyed _it. I was limited a lot in my life-no longer could I go out and see the world and meet people like I did before, but I savored every conversation I had and relationships only grew stronger.

_I did benefit from my senses. I still am. It's so hard to deal with them, but every moment with you-hearing your voice, seeing the love in your eyes, even if they can't look into mine-and you gave me the ability to see Al again. To see my little brother whole and healthy after so many years. You've given me the world in so many ways and I can never thank you enough._

Though I can't feel it, I can _see _his hand brush across my cheek to land in a gentle caress of my face, and my mind allows me to feel it. My hand instinctually covers his and I just exist in the moment like I always did before I regained my senses.

Nothing is outside of this moment. It's just us, here and now.

_Maybe one day I'll adjust to these senses again. Until then, you're not leaving my side. I can bear anything with you._

"I wouldn't have it any other way." I melt as he smiles warmly, a smile that was once reserved only for his loyal Lieutenant.

He still loves her, he always will. Just as I'll always love Al and Winry. But if there's anything I've learned from being surrounded by sappiness for the past two years, it's that love is limitless.

_Now let's get moving before Alphonse-_

My statement is cut abruptly short by the sudden explosion next to me. The tree we're under-the indescribably beautiful portrait of renewal and peace-suddenly splinters right at its very core, accompanying the explosion of sound that nearly deafens my newfound hearing.

I immediately stumble and fall, Roy barely managing to stay upright. He's asking me something-I think he felt the sudden explosion-but my heart is pounding _way _too fast and I can't hear or think about anything that's going on outside of _me _again.

Even Hope is trying to comfort me, but I snap out of it just enough to pay attention as she turns to bare her teeth in a vicious snarl.

"What-what is it?!"

"That was your wake up call," a man growled as he stepped nearer to us. "I want you to know _why _you're going to die."

"I-what?" I cower behind Hope, glancing up to find Roy silent but frowning as though he _knows _something is way off.

"You idiot. Don't you see the resemblance? Can'tcha figure out who I am?"

"No, I-I don't-"

"You little bastard! Kurkowski! Mitch Kurkowski!"

"Who-" My eyes widen. "Well who is he to you?!"

"My brother, damn you! You killed my _brother!_ And now, I'm going to return the favor!"

As I watch, too shocked with fear to act, the man claps his gloved hands together, rubbing them to build friction, the gloves lighting up in an alchemical activation. He separates his hands to reveal a brilliant, crackling sphere of energy-and he hurls it straight at us.

I react just in time, leaping to my feet, grabbing Roy's wrist, and yelling for Hope as I yank Roy out of the path of danger. The energy ball hits the sidewalk where we'd been, leaving a menacing scorch mark and singed grass.

"I didn't kill him on purpose!" I cry out; "he was torturing me! I just tried to defend myself!"

"Liar! You put him in jail years ago and then you went after him again!" Kurkowski throws another energy ball and we narrowly escape due to my faulty hip.

"He _kidnapped _me! He broke my ribs and took my automail! He was a sick bastard and it's his _own _fault that he's dead!"

Kurkowski yells angrily before throwing a third energy ball, but I'm not fast enough and it catches my left leg.

If I hadn't felt pain before, I sure feel it now.

Like a supercharge of electricity, my automail leg conducts the energy straight into the nerve connections, through my body, up into my head and then back down-I hear the screaming and know it's me, but all I can focus on is the _pain _and my suddenly _blue _vision-

I'm laying on the ground, feeling completely paralyzed. Breathing is painful, and so is sound; but I hear faint echoes of growling and snarling and yelling. My vision is still hazy and somehow _blue _as I gaze to see Hope attacking the man.

Why aren't you getting up, Ed?

For what? I can't beat that maniac.

You beat multiple gunmen on the train when you couldn't even _see_.

He already got me. I can't move.

Trust your instincts, Ed. Trust your sixth sense.

But with all this fear and panic-

Just don't use your mind. Transmute the fear into self-preservation, just as Roy told you.

Roy...Roy's life is on the line if I don't do something, not only my own. And Hope too-

I register her yelp more clearly than anything since his attack hit me, and watch in horror as she slumps unmoving to the ground. By some miracle I make it to my feet despite every part of my body feeling like it wanted to die right then and there.

"Ready for more?" Kurkowski growled. "I thought that would have fried you."

"I'm more...resilient than..you realize," I gasp heavily, paying no mind to my absolute _exhaustion_.

"And on your last leg. Your death will come easy." He begins to form his energy ball again and I ready myself by clearing my mind.

I glance over to Roy to find him still silent and completely unaware, putting his complete trust in me.

Hope hasn't moved yet, but I transmute fear and anger into fuel to keep me moving.

I'm not ready for his attack. I'm not ready to stay conscious. But for all us, I have to keep fighting.

* * *

I've made it through tough times in the past. I survived being impaled and lived to take down one of the worst threats to the world.

I just hope I have the strength to defeat one more madman.

Kurkowski throws his energy ball, aiming for me dead-on. I leap away from Roy, hoping that the bastard will only aim for me. Keeping his attention solely on me, I clap my hands and throw them to the ground, sending a flurry of stones out of the pavement at him. He somehow managed to dodge them and before I realize it he's throwing an energy ball-and being on my knees with my crippling him _screaming _at me, I can't possibly get out of the way.

With another clap I make a stone wall in defense, panting from the exertion of the alchemy. I could _cry_ from the pain and being so tired, but I have to beat him. I _have _to.

Unless...

"Hey, wait!" Out of Kurkowski's view, I glance at Roy to find him still safe. "Hear me out!"

"What do you want?" He asks snidely.

"I really _didn't _mean to kill your brother, okay? It was an accident. I swear. I can't take it back, but I can make _you _a promise." I slowly crawled to the edge of my protective wall, glancing out at the angry man. "If you leave now, leave us alone and never bother us again, I'll forget this ever happened. I won't even report it to the police."

"Yeah, right. I know you're full of crap. Besides, how can I miss this perfect opportunity? You might never again be so easily stricken down. You're already halfway dead."

"The hell you talkin' about?! I've still got a ton of fight in me!"

"Then let's see how you fare after another lightning strike!" He yells, beginning to form his energy ball again. I immediately scoot back to defend myself, but my safety wall of over a foot thick asphalt _explodes_, Showering both myself _and _Roy. He takes it in stride, merely calling out to me in encouragement-I wonder how he even knows I'm fighting.

He always _did _pretend to know everything.

Oh shit-I dodge another one, heart pounding rapidly. I really am running out of energy to dodge, duck, and alchemize a defense that will only be struck down moments later.

With what little energy I have left, I slam my hands together and throw them to the ground, rippling alchemical energy toward Kurkowski. Spikes extend from the ground all the way over to him, nearly at him as he releases his new attack.

I thought the spikes would stop his attack. I really, honestly did.

The ball catches my automail leg again despite my mad scramble, leaving me somehow still alive but in a useless heap on the ground. Through the remaining spikes in the road I spot a surreal blue image of Kurkowski impaled on one of the spikes, his gloved hands hanging at his sides as violet liquid drains out of him and coats his body.

I can't feel any more. The pain numbed everything. His electricity broke me.

I can't even feel my heart beating...

And it's growing dark and peaceful really fast.

I slip away from the harsh reality that had been haunting me for some time now, leaving me in a quiet, mindless world of darkness.

I really miss my white.


	86. Chapter 86

_To alonetogetherusyou_: Thank you so much! Sometimes I just come up with spur of the moment stuff. I like to think it enhances the story and not just kills my readers' hearts.  
_To speedfanatic05_: Ed does need to get out and live again, but he's so resistant to it. We shall see...  
_To Bright Eyes Illusionist_: The same way Roy's been paying for things! Ed did begin to receive disability pay when he unintentionally _retired_ from the military on the Promised Day. Now Roy is getting it as well!  
_To ImpossibleJedi__4_: No worries. We all have those. ;)

* * *

Kurkowski's electrifying alchemy must have done something really strange-it must have been _incredibly _powerful-for when I awoke from the attack, I found nothing but a silent, blank white void again.

At first I feared I had died and arrived at the gate, but I could see no prying creature of omnipotence; no Truth in sight.

And then Roy, wonderful Roy, tapped a message to me in Dorset. He told me that Kurkowski was dead and that the powerful alchemical attack switched us back, so that Roy had his senses again.

Maybe it's bad, but I couldn't be happier.

Al and Winry are staying a bit longer than planned, but they don't mind because Pinako finally has the strength to visit. She may not have automail just yet, but she's making do with a pretty low tech prosthetic.

I can't wait to tell her all the amazing things I've been doing!

Life is so amazing now that it's back to the way it _should _be. I don't have to worry about any more stupid paperwork, or cooking an egg to the perfection of failure. Roy cooks everything again and keeps me stocked up on my drinks so I can just focus on my old life.

Wonderful visits to Dr. Stein...walks out in the park...seeing Ruby at the ice cream place! Snuggling with Roy on the couch...

It's the best life ever, completely free of worries or cares.

And to think, all I had to do was a double homicide!

* * *

Alphonse sat next to Roy as they both watched Ed. They had just spoken with the doctor minutes ago, but it hadn't sunk in yet-Roy was in denial, and Al's mind was still replaying the events of earlier that day.

He had been packing his suitcase, getting ready to board the train home with Winry. Hearing a commotion that Winry hadn't, as she was listening to the radio, he poked his head out the front door in curiosity-only to see Ed waging an alchemical battle with some madman throwing lightning balls.

He cried out, hollering to Winry before bolting toward the scene at the end of the block. He clapped his hands and got ready, but by the time he arrived, the last strike had been made by both men, the attacker impaled on piercing asphalt and Ed subject to possibly lethal energy.

Al knew he'd never forget Ed's tortured scream nor how he dropped limp to the ground. Al immediately fell to his hands and knees to check on Ed, spotting golden eyes glazing over with a peaceful expression on his face.

"Brother, brother; no-wake up! Come on, nothing can beat you! Get up!" Al rolled Ed onto his back and found no breathing and no pulse. In a mad panic, Al screamed at Winry to get help as he began emergency CPR.

Push, push, push, pause. Push, push, push, this isn't going to work.

As he worked his golden heart out, Alphonse happened to think how Ed's heart had been stopped.

Electrocution.

The heart required an electrical impulse to operate, and the attack had interrupted that flow, stopping it completely. Maybe, just maybe, Al could get it started again.

Though he wasn't a doctor, Alphonse had learned enough in his years of research, reading, and alkahestry to be able to transmute an electrical pulse into a chest. He clapped and put his hands in place, performing defibrillation with what he hoped was the correct electrical current.

And again, and again, again, and again. After each attempt he listened for a heartbeat, to no avail.

He wouldn't give up. He _couldn't _give up. This was _his brother_ and he would try to bring Ed back until his own heart stopped.

Winry stood off to the side with Roy, holding his hands and trying to comfort his fears-for they were her own, and she didn't know if she could keep herself together if he broke as well.

Alphonse cried out in frustration as he tried harder, sending stronger impulses into Ed's dead body. He bit back tears as he heard the ambulance's late arrival, but just as the wheels skidded to a stop, he put his head to Ed's chest again-and froze. He dared not move as he confirmed it-Ed's heart had begun to beat again, finally.

He backed off and let the paramedics work as soon as he confirmed Ed's pulse, retreating to Roy to tell him the news-

_I got his heart beating._

"It wasn't?" Roy grit his teeth and bowed his head. "I knew something terrible happened...I could feel it. How is he?"

_I don't know_. Al's heart ached immensely as he grasped Roy's hand in comfort.

_I really don't know._

* * *

Roy's taking me out for ice cream. It's been forever since I had some! We're going to our favorite place, and I'm tempted to try a different flavor, despite again losing my sense of taste.

We walk the distance there, and I marvel again at the miracle of my hip. I wonder if it was time for it to heal, or if Kurkowski's attacks fixed that, too.

There's a surprise waiting for me when I arrive-Ruby is there too! Roy tells me and has me act surprised for when she finally comes over to give me a hug. She's such a sweetheart and she sits in my lap, handing me her milkshake and not taking it back until I take a sip. I tell her it's good; I have a sneaking suspicion it's strawberry so I imagine the tasty fruity flavor dancing across my tongue.

I ask Roy for one of my own and he brings it almost instantly, as if he knew. Maybe the universe is finally going to send me some good tidings after all of the abuse I'd just endured.

* * *

I can't believe this. I felt the dread turn my stomach into a wrung out washcloth at the end of Ed's fight-but I still couldn't swallow the words that the doctor had said.

It took every ounce of willpower to remain standing silently while Al shakily repeated the doctor's words into code that I could understand. It took everything I _had _to not turn away and call it lies and crap and try to get Ed to get up and respond to me.

But that wasn't going to happen.

Alphonse did have his hand in mine, whether for reassurance for him or myself I never asked and he never said. I've since moved my hands to my bowed head with elbows on my knees.

I just got Ed back from the dead. Protected in the alleyway by Hope, oh faithful Hope, he was still able to come home and slowly work at being himself again.

Hope nudges me with her nose, as though she knows I'm thinking about her. I just place my hand on her head, thankful that she at least made it out with just a cut to the leg.

I wonder if she knows what's happened to Ed. I wonder if she's trying to nudge Ed too, trying to get him to wake up. Maybe Al is making her stop.

She's such a big momma puppy, but she still took better care of Ed than I could because I _traded _with him, I stood there blind and deaf and _ignorant _and unable to help as Ed fought for his life-and lost it.

For five minutes he laid dead in front of me and I didn't know it. Five minutes his brother put every ounce of energy into bringing Ed back to the land of the living.

But never again to reality.

The doctor said he's not mentally gone, but if his body ever healed from its massive internal burning-and if his necrotized mind ever allowed him to awaken again-Ed would never be the man we knew.

This is my fault, mine only. If I had never left Ed for some stupid _bananas_-

I'm sorry, Ed. I've lost you for good. I'm so, so sorry.

* * *

Roy and I are going on a road trip. He got some time off from work and he wants to take me to some old places I've been on my journey with Al.

I used to feel embarrassed and incredibly sensitive about people seeing me with my handicaps, but I no longer care. I'll gladly interact with them through Roy as my faithful interpreter.

I can't wait to meet everybody from my past! Wait til they see that I'm not only alive, but still kicking ass and saving lives without my senses!

I hope he doesn't take me anywhere I've caused trouble-

Well, that cuts out half of Amestris, doesn't it? Eheheh.

No matter. Between his flames and my sixth sense, we can take on anybody that comes our way! Nobody can stop us, we're Fullmetal and Flame and we can live through anything!

* * *

Riza arrived to find Roy wandering out of the hospital room, hand running along the wall as he searched for the Braille plaque to the bathroom-so that he could snap his fingers and set something on fire.

_Sir?_

Roy froze instantly, reaching tentatively for her hand.

"Hello? Who's there?"

His heavily weighted voice startled her, leaving her to fear the worst. _It's Riza. How is he?_

"How did you know?" He instead asked, unsure if he could _tell _her without breaking apart.

_After the ambulance was called, so were the police. Kurkowski's brother was...cleaned up and a report was made, and I happened to hear about the whole thing._

"Not the whole thing," Roy murmured. "Did you hear that I stood there doing nothing while Ed fought for his life? Or that he was dead for five minutes before his brother resuscitated him?"

Riza stared at Roy in shock before taking his hand in hers and giving it a squeeze. Though afraid to ask more from him, she needed to know of Ed's current condition.

_How is he now?_

"Gone," Roy answered huskily. "He was hit with lethal amounts of electrical energy-_twice-_and his body failed, his organs are charred, his brain is-his mind is-he's in a coma, Riza, and _if _he ever wakes up it won't be Edward."

Winry had just joined the two in the hallway, but didn't want to interrupt. She glanced to Riza, receiving a sad but empathizing gaze.

_As long as he's alive, there's hope._

"What hope, Riza?! I'm destined to lose him. Whether in an alley or right in front of my goddamned face, he was stolen from me twice-but this time he's just being dangled in front of me with no hope of ever getting him back!"

Riza turned and left Roy, walking into the hospital room. Though she didn't want to leave Roy to the mercy of just Winry and his own devastating heartache, she needed to ask Alphonse if anything could be done with alkahestry.

"No," he answered her quietly, still staring at the young man stuck in the bed with tubes and wires running to his possibly eternally unconscious form. "It may be able to heal his internal injuries, to a degree...but it can do nothing for a brain as damaged as his."

She stared at Edward in dawning realization, grief finally setting in despite her attempt to remain strong for those around her, as she always had done.

"Are you absolutely sure?" And she wasn't proud of it, but her voice did crack. "Can you call Mei Chang-"

"She'll tell you the same thing," Alphonse replied still in his depressingly quiet voice. "Alkahestry can't-"

"I'm not ready to lose him," Roy cried in an unnervingly loud voice, upsetting the solemn moment. He stumbled blindly into the room, nearly tripping over the threshold in sudden determination. "I'm not done fighting yet!"

"Colonel," Riza walked over to him to try to comfort him, but he just pushed her hands away.

"Hear me out first Alphonse," Roy said in a steely voice. "You have to go back to Risembool immediately."

"Is he out of his mind?" Al asked, tearing his gaze away from his comatose brother to glare at Roy.

"We have to try everything we can," Roy continued, sounding _desperate_. "Even if Ed really was full of crap and they don't exist. I need you to bring that unicorn Alphonse, we need some kind of miracle right now and maybe that's it!"

Riza was ready to grasp Roy to shush him when Alphonse stopped her. He stood and turned to Roy, tentatively tapping out possibly the most important Dorset message ever.

_Freedom the unicorn?_

"He said the unicorn healed his hand and ribs," Roy answered with conviction. "We need that hooven miracle here as soon as possible."

_I don't know if they would let a horse in here_...

"They let a wolf in! Alphonse we need that creature if it has any chance of helping Ed!"

Al turned to his brother again, reliving the horror of the day's earlier events, as well as the doctor's heavy words. He frowned and formed a fist.

"Even when he was scared and injured, he still stood up and fought. He never gave up, even while so near death. I can't let him down. I'm going to bring Freedom here, whether I have to buy him or steal him."

Riza transferred Al's words to Roy, a faint smile gracing her features. She watched as Winry stood shakily, vowing to go with Alphonse to ensure they could bring the unicorn safely.

"He's-he's a unique little shit," Roy said quietly after the two had left. "He's comatose but he still inspires everyone around to get up and push forward, even after such loss."

_There's nobody quite like him. I can only hope this plan of yours actually works._

"Me too, Riza. Me too..."

* * *

Roy surprised me today with a special gift voucher. Naturally, I couldn't feel it or see it, but he did make me fumble to open up the little gift box it was in.

It's for a special massage session with Dr. Stein. To be honest, he said that I was the only person she would do it for, due to my special condition-and my awesome personality.

Okay, so awesome isn't the word that _Roy _used, but this is my narrative, so I can embellish just a bit.

We walk together hand in hand across Central, arriving at the chiropractic clinic. After our appointment time arrives, he leads me into the room and has me strip down to the boxers that he'd made me put on today, just for this.

After I'm facedown, he tells me she's arrived and translates her cheerful greeting to me. Moments later, her powerful hands begin their magic touch on my back, leaving me _purring _with pleasure.

This is the _life_.

* * *

Riza remained with Roy at Ed's side, ready to be there if he needed food, water, or just someone to confide in. It still was difficult to see Edward in such a poor state; and more terrible, with little hope of ever waking again.

Roy kept his hand on Ed's, whether the man could feel it or respond or not. He needed Ed to know that he was there and always would be, even if Ed woke up in minutes or in years.

He only hoped that Ed would return to them soon. That Ed wouldn't leave them forever this time.


	87. Chapter 87

_To quicksilver773: _Unicorns are cool! Besides, in Amestris, chimeras and homonculi exist. Why can't unicorns?_  
To alonetogetherusyou_: It's Ed's dream world while he's in the coma. For him, everything is sunshine and butterflies, he's blissfully unaware that he died and may never come back to life.  
_To Spirits-of-Kin_: Oh, well thank you! It's the first time I've ever done drastic POV changes, I'm glad you enjoy it!  
_To msmazzo_: Olaf: Oh, look! I've been impaled.  
_To speedfanatic05_: I hope this wasn't too long a wait! I've been enjoying writing the dream world and reality shifts... :)

The last chapter was meant to be written rather 'quick', if anyone picked up on that. Glimpses of Ed in his peaceful comatose dreams, and those around him trying to deal with the shock. I hope that explains the slight change in writing style!

* * *

"Do you really think it will work, Al?" Winry asked as they neared closer to Risembool on the train. She stared out the window but paid no attention to the scenery, torn between leaving the friend that she could no longer help and getting to Risembool for a long chance at a miracle. "Do you believe in this?"

"The last time Ed was here, his hand and his ribs were really broken. Maybe they were close to healing by the time we went riding, so he just imagined the pain being gone." He turned his gaze to her, then lowered it again to continue fiddling with the hem of his shirt. "But," he added quietly, and she could hear hope in his voice; "he told me later that Freedom tried to heal his senses but it didn't work because Truth has them. He told me it was only temporary but-for just a moment, he could _hear _me talking to him, he could actually hear me...and his reactions at times are uncanny, but Winry, he was crying and happy, so maybe, maybe this will work..."

"If Ed believed in it, then maybe it will. We have to try, for his sake, right?" She offered him a smile, but it broke into unrestrained sobs after he gently wiped leaked tears from her cheeks. "I can't lose him too, Alphonse!"

"We won't," he reassured her, holding her close for the comfort of them both. "This is Ed we're talking about. He never gives up and he always bounces back."

"But Alphonse the doctor-"

"Is paid to diagnose and heal, but they're not always right. Ed will make a liar out of him yet, just you watch."

"...Yeah." She sniffled, smiling as he wiped away her drying tears. "Now cheer up; we're almost at the station. Soon we'll be able to get a unicorn!"

* * *

Roy and I were snuggling last night and he told me to get to bed early because he had a surprise for me. I didn't _want _to leave the comfort of snuggling so early, but I was intrigued to see what the surprise was.

I awaken in the morning and he teasingly taps to catch him if I can before disappearing down the hall.

That little-

Get back here!

You owe me a surprise!

I race after his chi, stumbling only a bit from my blindness before skidding to a halt at the top of the stairway-I can tell that sneaky bastard went down there!

Fine, I'm a pro at this anyway. I skip down the stairs like it's nothing, though I admittedly miss one and save my head by grasping into the railing for dear life.

This had _better _be a good surprise!

I finally make it to the kitchen, grabbing my smoothie before locking into his energy signature near the table and ambling over. I have only a chance to sit down and take one _sip _before he begins talking.

The surprise is...a train ride? To Risembool?!

I wonder why?

Oh, he knows how much I like locomotion, so we're taking the train trip for that; but he says we're also going horseback riding once we get there.

I wonder if this is Al's idea. Regardless, I'm up for it.

Maybe if I'll see Freedom again!

* * *

Roy remained ever faithfully at Ed's side, ignoring Riza's requests for him to eat.

How could he? He had no appetite. He had the sense enough to drink adequate fluids to survive, but that's all he could afford to himself outside of doting on Ed.

The guys had all heard and come, taking turns visiting with Ed and trying to offer words of hope to Roy. They had gone on a deaf mind, only receiving slow, methodic nods of self-absorption.

Havoc sat next to Roy as Riza left to get something to eat and to stretch her legs. He watched Ed for a bit before placing his hand on Roy's shoulder, giving a gentle squeeze.

"Riza?"

_Jean_.

"Oh." Roy turned back to Ed, but as an afterthought, mumbled a thank-you to Havoc for coming.

_Has he moved at all?_

"Huh?"

_You haven't let go of his hand once, have you._

"...No. If I let go, he might let go, too. I need him to know that I want him here, no matter what happens."

Though it hurt him to see Roy using logic like this, Havoc understood it completely.

_You know he would fight to stay anyway, because he knows you're here_.

"Yeah, but...Jean, that's how Edward _is_, but that's not all that he _needs_. He used my hand, before and even now with his senses, to stay here with me. In reality. It _grounds _him, no matter what is going on with his mind, he feels me here and it brings him back to me. And he-" Roy grit his teeth, unsuccessfully willing his tears away. "He needs to come back to me..."

_He will_, Jean replied to Roy's back. _Somehow, I just know he will_.

Roy sniffled and nodded, offering the man a poor but honest smile. "Jean-uh, Jean, will you-take over for me? I need to use the uh.."

_Of course, boss. I won't let either of ya down._

"Thank you."

* * *

Roy and Al want to test just how good my sixth sense is, so they're joining forces for tag-team sparring. I've willingly agreed to take them both on, confident that the universe or whatever cosmic power backs me, will tell me how to move.

Roy braids my hair for me-I can do it myself, but he likes to do it so I allow it-and I take my shirt off just to show I mean business. I imagine them getting into a fighting stance, Alphonse ready to use our traditional fighting style and Roy his more preferred hand-to-hand combat style.

I cue the start of the match and they both come at me, not holding back one bit. I have to admit, I'm caught off guard by how well they're working together; coming from multiple sides and trying to use various tactics to get me off my feet. Thank goodness my style is more about dodging and escaping to save my ass!

The universe is helping me evade every attack, but it's not supplying me energy. My body simply isn't _used _to this amount of movement for this long, and I'm tiring quickly. Within minutes I lose the ability to dodge, and find both men pinning me down.

Oh well. At least I can say I can hold my own!

* * *

_Tap-tap-tap, thump, tap-thump, thump-tap-thump-thump. Tap-thump-thump, tap-tap, thump, tap-tap-tap-tap. Thump-thump, tap._

Riza watched Roy tap out unendingly strings of Dorset to Ed's red-streaked pale shoulder, as if the words would pass through the lightning-burnt skin and into the torn mind. She was tempted to read the Dorset, but decided against the breach of privacy.

She could ask, at least.

_Roy?_

"Mhm." He barely answered her, keeping his Dorset as steady as he could.

_What are you saying?_

He paused long enough to decipher her words before continuing his pattern, speaking slowly, as if remaining in reality with her took much effort.

"Just some poetry I came up with as I was sitting here with Ed." He left again, returning half a minute later. "If he were here to hear it," Roy snorted with, was that, _bitterness?_ "He'd call me a hopeless sap."

_No he wouldn't_, Riza answered him truthfully, her smile unseen but carried through in her words. _He would blush and get all goopy over you_.

"Goopy?" Roy turned his attention to her fully just for the moment. "Since when have you ever said _goopy?_"

_Since right now. _She squeezed his hand in reassurance, glad she could at least bring him back to her, if only for the moment.

A tentative smile crossed Roy's face before he returned to his diligent tapping with Ed.

"Thank you, Riza."

* * *

Roy is being awfully silly today. He lit the fireplace-which is nice and cozy!-and we're snuggling on the couch. During our conversation, I made the mistake of asking him, for some odd reason, if he would want me even if I didn't know Dorset and developed my sixth sense.

Oh Ed, he said, holding me close. Of course I would.

And then he started reciting _poetry!_

You ask if I love you, well what can I say?  
You know that I do and if this is just one of those games that we play  
So I'll sing you a new song, please don't cry anymore  
And then I'll ask your forgiveness, though I don't know just what I'm asking it for

My face must be mad red because he pulls me into a kiss and tickles my ribs, causing me to become a flailing mess of arms and legs.

He's crazy!

* * *

"Here we are," Alphonse said boldly, sounding like a man on a mission. "Here's the stables. Now, we have to get Freedom...will you ask while I try to find him?"

"Do you remember what he looks like?"

"No," Al admitted with his head hung forward. "But Ed said he communicated with him mentally-and since I can hone my chi and focus, I might be able to pick him out."

"Alright. I'll be back soon." Winry glanced between the horses and Alphonse, the man already lost in thought.

They _needed _this to work.

Al wandered over to the fence separating him from the large animals, or huge beasts as Ed would call them; Al chuckled at that thought. He turned his attention inward, leaning on the fence railing as he relaxed, cleared his mind, and just allowed anything there might be to communicate with him.

It was always incredibly relaxing for him. However, given the situation with his brother, Alphonse's energy signature had an edge of desperation to it, and this attracted three horses to him before he even realized it.

He looked up only when one nudged him with its nose, visibly a bit startled at seeing three large heads next to his own.

"Oh, uhm...hello. Is one of you Freedom?"

They all stared at him curiously, as though they were either normal horses who were just inquisitive...or unicorns who wanted to play coy.

"Please," he begged; "I came here with my brother, Ed, do you remember him? He rode Freedom and he healed Ed's injuries...but now he's incredibly hurt and without a miracle, he'll..."

Al gripped the fence railing, turning his desperate eyes to the equines in front of him. He finally locked gaze with the white horse, almost spotting a golden sheen to his coat.

"Freedom?"

The horse glanced around before stepping forward, pressing their foreheads together. Al nearly stumbled backwards before feeling a sense of calm; a feeling of comfort.

I remember your brother.

Al was blown away by the sudden message. It wasn't in words-it was a _memory _of Ed _from the horse_-

Unicorn, he was corrected with a smidge of humor.

Alphonse watched as the image in his mind flashed to Freedom's glowing forehead, revealing the horn-like aura. He revealed his true heart to Alphonse, who understood just how Ed was able to _feel _the truth and lies of people without any other input.

Removed from the world and taken into the meld of two minds, Alphonse was so moved that he would cry if he could perceive his physical self. He felt a query from Freedom-asking about Ed by showing a memory of the man-and that was the prompt that sent their meld into darkness.

Alphonse's memory of Ed's battle, his death, and the frantic resuscitation blasted into Freedom's mind. Emotions spilled out unfiltered and unchecked to assault the poor unicorn's pure soul, filling then both with overwhelming sadness. As Alphonse's mind transferred the final messages of hope and despair that he'd received from the doctor and the _pain _and hopelessness he felt from watching Ed torn away from them-Freedom tore away from him, whinnying shrilly before galloping away.

"Freedom," Al gasped, but the emotion had been so _raw _that he was left hanging on the edge of the railing and sobbing uncontrollably.

"Alphonse!" Winry cried, arriving. "Al-what is it? Do you know?"

"Know... what?" He managed through his gasping.

"They won't let us borrow or buy him," she replied with a heavy heart.

"I don't think he wants to come anyway, after-"

"Al look out!"

Al looked up just in time to see Freedom charge at him and make a great leap, clearing the fence and both humans alike before landing gracefully and releasing a strained equine cry of distress-but Alphonse could understand just what he meant.

Urgent! Let's go!

"Got it," Al breathed as he took Winry by the wrist and ran, using his acrobatics to easily mount Freedom bareback. He pulled Winry up behind him easily, telling her to hold on as he leaned forward and Freedom took off. They glanced back only when they heard the owner yelling 'Thief!' after them.

They had Freedom. Now all they had to do was get him to Ed.

Al couldn't remember if they would need a permit to bring a horse on a train...


	88. Chapter 88

_To msmazzo_: This _is _Freedom! Yay unicorns :D  
_To speedfanatic05_: The great thing about Ed and Roy being broken is that they never _stay_ broken. Butwestilllikeseeingthemthatway  
I'm glad you appreciate the little way I order things! And Freedom's meeting with a hesitant believer. Freedom is amazing, and if you like his bonding moments, you're gonna love this chapter!

Author's Note: Jyxxie has had a _lovely_ (aka miserable) head cold for the past few days and possible a few more to come. Apologies if this affects writing, typos, placement...content...speed...ahahaha. Enjoy!

* * *

Freedom just kept running at a full-speed gallop for _m__iles, _surprising Alphonse and causing the man to try and explain to the... unicorn.

"Freedom, my brother is much farther away than you think. It's too far to run."

Alphonse felt the reply as a wave of tangible determination.

"Okay, I understand, but...a train moves at least twice as fast as you can, and it took us a day and a half to get here."

Freedom slowed down just a bit at that news, mouth agape and nostrils flaring as he panted from the run. He emanated urgency and uncertainty, but caught his breath and continued running again, surprising Alphonse by picking up speed and running northward toward their destination.

"You don't want to run yourself ragged, do you?" Alphonse pleaded, still hugging Freedom's neck. "We can just take you on the train with us..."

It was that statement that made Alphonse understand why Freedom pushed harder and faster. As soon as he mentioned the train, he felt _fear _from the animal.

"Oh...you don't like trains."

The most tangible _no _that Al had ever felt surged from the animal.

"Well...how about if we travel in a truck for all three of us? We can make much better time and you won't be straining yourself."

Hesitantly, Freedom slowed down, ears flickering backward and forward as he considered this-and acquiesced.

"Okay. I can alchemize a trailer with no problem. Back home we go; my truck will be perfect!"

Winry smiled as they turned to go back to the house, glad she picked the brother that she did.

* * *

I don't know why Roy has decided to take up being a _bard_, but it is quite touching. I asked him if he writes his poetry down and makes himself even _more _paperwork and he just smacked me upside the head.

I snicker and ask to hear the latest poem or song or whatever he calls it, and he happily obliges.

I need you, I need you right now  
I need you right now  
So don't let me, don't let me down  
I think I'm losing my mind now  
It's in my head, My love I hope,  
That you'll be here when I need you the most  
So don't let me, don't let me down  
Don't let me down

It's so touching, full of love with just a touch of the insecurity we each once had.

Of course I'll be there for you, Roy. I'd never leave you. I'd never let you down.

* * *

Roy's hand traveled up Ed's face and brushed the bangs gently back, fingers tracing the fine contours so tenderly as though he'd never done it before. He continued to dote on his partner, pausing only long enough to take a drink from Riza reluctantly.

_You should take a few minutes to get a shower,_ she tried again to have him take a break. _You don't want him to wake up and smell you like that_.

"When I know he's okay I'll clean up."

_Roy Mustang, you're going to take a shower right now._

His hand slowly slipped away from Ed as he sat back in his chair, looking as though he wanted to sigh and argue with her...but just gave in and turned to her, a lack of fire in his eyes the likes that she'd never seen before.

"Okay. But you have to stay with him."

_But sir you-_

"I can feel what I'm doing. I can do it."

_I won't let him grow bored._

He smiled faintly before slowly standing and walking off, hand outstretched to find the hospital room's small bathroom.

He didn't realize she was going to tell Ed all of his most embarrassing moments.

* * *

It's snowing outside again, and despite our last fiasco when we tried to enjoy our winter wonderland, he insists we try again. He has me all bundled up to go outside with that darn scarf and all and we go out the door together, instantly inhaling the frigid air.

He says he wants to start with a snowball fight, and when I protest, he assures me that he removed _every _rock from the yard before it snowed.

But what if I grab a dirt clod?

He simply answers by beginning to _pelt _me with snow.

Hey!

I send them flying right back at him, having no clue if I'm hitting him or not until he finally sneaks up behind me and grabs me around the waist, earning a _squeal _that I'm not particularly proud of.

You sneaky bastard!

Why do I love you?!

He carries me inside and strips me in record time for warm snuggles by the fire.

Oh. _That's _why I love you.

* * *

"Alphonse," Winry warned. "You shouldn't be going this quickly on a dirt road!"

"I _know _Winry but Ed's really bad and we can't waste any time!"

"But what about Freedom? He's going to get bumped all around!"

"I told him to yell if it's too rough."

"Alphonse horses can't _yell_."

"It means to neigh really loudly!"

"Well-okay! Just watch for police!"

"Oh the hell with them!" Al shouted, startling Winry. "If anybody pulls us over we'll outrun them! Lieutenant Hawkeye will excuse us!"

"Alphonse Elric!"

"Winry, we _have _to get Freedom and Ed together. We have no time to lose. "

Winry sighed and agreed with him, glancing out the back window of the truck to spot Freedom watching her with an understanding gaze.

She only hoped that this would work.

* * *

Roy is telling me that I should get a job.

He must be out of his damn mind. What kind of job can _I _do? Unless it's martial arts instruction or teaching alchemy to blind or deaf people, I'm pretty limited.

So he says a translator.

Wait, what? I'm blind, I can't read the words. Im deaf, I can't hear them.

No, a Dorset translator, for the military. He says my Dorset decoding speed rivals that of the top translators in the country, including Kain's.

I've gotten that good?

I guess when that sense is all you have...

I told him I'd give it a shot.

It could be fun!

* * *

Riza was faithfully as always at Roy's side when she heard an odd sound in the hallway coming closer. She turned just as she heard the source of the sound coming through the open door-it was Alphonse, Winry, Havoc, and a horse.

She knew there was a bar joke in there somewhere, but now wasn't the time.

"Is that him?"

"Yeah," Alphonse answered her excitedly. He jumped back as Freedom trotted past him and over to Ed's bedside, gazing at the man with sadness emanating strongly enough that everyone in the room could feel it, even Roy.

"Huh? What-what is that?" He asked in unease. "Is everything okay?"

Freedom swung his big head over to Roy before Riza could answer him, gazing at the man's searching eyes and hesitant hand, his other hand still never leaving Ed.

With a gentle nudge of his nose, Freedom let Roy know he was there-and received a stroke on his side of his hand in curious exploration.

"Are you Freedom?"

Roy wasn't ready for the tangible answers to affect his mind. He nearly jumped out of his seat, but instead laughed.

"I should have known better. Ed was a hundred percent correct."

Freedom stepped forward, pressing his forehead to Roy's-and instantly, the laughing died as he began sharing images and memories with the unicorn who was sharing his own.

Freedom showed him just how real unicorns are, and what they can do-and he shared again the memory of his healing Ed on their first meeting. Freedom fed on Roy's reactions, responding in kind with love and then showing an image of Roy and Ed together, hugging.

You are his mate.

Yes, Roy answered in his mind without thinking. I love him.

I can feel it. It's wonderful.

He asked about Ed in much the same way he asked Alphonse, ready this time for an onslaught of painful memories-but Roy began his tortured tale from the beginning, from the car accident.

He lost Ed in a crash. He thought Ed dead, but when Hope (who was left at home due to a horse and wolf perhaps not getting along) rescued Ed, Roy was so overjoyed-though Ed was still suffering immensely.

Edward couldn't escape the alleyway, couldn't escape his mind. He was still in physical and psychological pain and Roy tried to help Ed cope by switching their senses-and Freedom did _not _expect that.

He didn't know Ed had his senses again!

He saw that the good-hearted sensory switch only threw them into further chaotic upheaval. They had both tried their best but they were unable to fend against this sudden attack-and that's where Freedom felt the most pain bleeding from Roy's heart.

Self-blame, self-loathing, regret, hopelessness, and the wish just to have Edward with him again. The _desperation _for Freedom to be able to fix his young blond fireball.

It's all I want, Roy thought to Freedom with all his heart, and the unicorn finally broke the connection with tears spilling out of his equine eyes.

He turned to the others and shared in their sadness and hope before turning to Ed, his old friend, to give this his best shot.

He pressed his forehead to Ed's and his world went white.

* * *

Blissfully peaceful silence graces my life as it always does. I can sense Roy next to me as we awaken in the morning, and I _listen _with my mind for any change in his energy-there's none. He's still asleep.

It's ever peaceful with him, and even in the outside world with all of its many dangers. My lack of senses got me caught nearly dead in an alleyway for a month; but even with my senses, I got my ass whupped from a vengeful madman.

Still, I was able to take down the original Kurkowski and a trainful of baddies...

I feel kinda bad for being so happy that my senses were traded back to Roy. He was willing to make that great sacrifice and all I did was buck at it and resist. Am I that much of a wuss?

It's done now. I can't-

The white in my mind suddenly forks into a strange image that I'm completely sure I didn't put there. I see Freedom trotting up to me with his gleaming fur and tossing his mane excitedly, whinnying as though glad to see me.

"Freedom? What are you doing in my head?" I laugh, but he just trots up to me in complete seriousness and snorts. "Well?"

I'm here to fix you.

"Fix me?" His words are pretty damn accurate, too-as if he's sharing actual thoughts and not just feelings.

You're broken.

"Just because I'm blind and deaf again-" I freeze as the white around us suddenly shifts into a drastic scene of whirling color and loud sound, and stranger yet-I can feel emotion too. I see myself fighting against Kurkowski number two and watch as we both strike each other-and my body falls. Color blurs by as panic grips at me, only to strengthen as I reach the scene to find my body limp and unresponsive.

I can hear a voice, but it's so faint in the moment...it sounds like Al calling my name, pleading for me to be okay.

And then, the CPR. The struggle to get _me _working again. The electrical defibrillation-I can _feel _the alchemy leaving me, the strain the entire ordeal is taking on my body and soul, and suddenly-my heart beats again. I'm filled with _relief _just as paramedics arrive to take over.

Before I can catch my breath from shock and ask Freedom _what _that was, the scene instantly shifts to the hospital. My view holds Roy sitting faithfully next to..._me _in a hospital bed, motionless and hooked up to so many machines that I look more mechanical than man.

He's crying. Roy's crying and cursing himself for not protecting me and being unable to help me because he forced the sensory switch on us. I don't _see _him crying in the imagery-but I can _feel_ it, as though there's two heads in mine at once.

And it's splitting my skull.

I've never felt such overwhelming heartache and anguish as I do in the mix of these fantasies. My heart is breaking and I want to cry, but for some reason, I can't feel my physical body. I start to beg Freedom why, why is he _showing _me these, why would he do this to me?

You need to know, he tells me. This is what's real. You are broken. I want to fix you.

"No no I don't _want _this to be real! I don't want any of this pain! I want to go back to Roy where I'm blind and deaf and _happy _with him! Stop lying to me!"

I will fix you, he says empathetically, making the images disappear and nuzzling his nose against my face. Then you will have no pain.

"But, but, I'll still have my eyes," I mourn, "and my ears. It won't be the same and I won't be _happy_."

Freedom stares at me dead on, but I don't think he's trying to intimidate me...until he 'speaks'.

You will be happy, but he won't.

He shares again the pain and suffering that Roy experienced and it crushes my soul just as much as his, I can't _take _it, I can't do this to him-

Then let me fix you. Freedom nudges my cheek reassuringly as the images and emotions disappear, leaving me shaking in his gentle nuzzle.

"If that's real-if that really is true, Freedom, then I'll do what it takes to make Roy happy again."

My trembling dissolves as he releases a wave of love and excitement. His forehead meets mine and I gently hold his face, trusting in him to take me home to Roy.

* * *

Alphonse and Winry watched the silence as Freedom remained diligently still and attentive, Roy still clutching onto Ed's hand as though willing him back to reality just through that grip alone.

Havoc stayed on the opposite side of Ed, along with Riza and the others; he had heard word of the unicorn but didn't much believe it until he saw Roy's incredible reaction to his "communication" with Freedom. He held his hands together in anticipation, silently egging on his comatose friend just as he knew Riza was doing.

All at once the first sign appeared. Ed's hand squeezed Roy's, though not in reassurance, but in reflex-as a gasp escaped his mouth and he suddenly released a strangled cry.

"Ed!" Roy and Al cried in unison; Roy in excitement and Al in concern.

Despite the tubes running into his mouth and down his esophagus to provide breathing and other life support functions, Ed managed to make an unnervingly large amount of noise. He gasped and fumbled for the sheets with his hands, though barely able to move; he whimpered and finally started _yelling _in pain. He began writhing, trying to escape his own flesh but only causing Freedom to push down against Ed's head even further to restrain him.

As much as it hurt him, Al knew he had to help. He followed the unicorn's lead and held Ed's body down, easily overpowering the weak and injured man.

His distorted yowls and outcries had his family biting lips in concern, but worse yet-it began to attract the doctors and nurses. As they came in to stop whatever madness they were ignorant to, Havoc and Riza both stepped up to stop them, Winry making a third to join them with a wrench held threateningly in her hands.

Unaware to anything but the _pain_ his body was wracked with, Ed simply fought against it, against perceived torture. Finally his eyes snapped open, startling Alphonse with their immense star-ward gaze of _agony_ and fear before they squeezed shut again-only for Alphonse to relive a horrible memory from years ago as he began to _scream_.

"Ed! Edward! _Brother! _Calm down!"

Unfortunately, despite his ears again in operation, Ed was stuck in his own little hell, not pacified in the least by Freedom's attempt of sending calm. His screams slowly died down into gasping, heaving cries, tears flooding out of his eyes. He finally broke into sobs, struggling to breathe with the _tubes _in him, the ventilator incorrectly matching his dwindling manic state.

"Get these out of him!" Alphonse ordered a nurse, releasing his shocked and shaking brother. "Immediately!"

"But sir he-"

"_NOW!_"

Riza and Havoc _both_ turned head to stare at Alphonse, startled by his boldness. They understood it, however; those brothers were always infallibly protective of each either.

Freedom finally released his hold on Ed's head, the last of the red lightning lines disappearing from Ed's paled skin. He stepped back and whinnied, swayed, and then collapsed to his side, leaving the only doctor in the room who _cared _to tend to him: Winry.

She quickly determined it to be exhaustion, but attention was on Ed as he was quickly released from his trappings. As soon as he was freed, he put his hand to his face and just let loose, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Brother," Alphonse said in concern. "Are you okay?"

"Roy," he gasped in raspy reply; "Want-Roy."

"He's right over here, Ed." Al led Roy away from Riza, who was just explaining Ed's condition to him. "He's been waiting for you."

Ed reached up a terribly shaky hand, grasping Roy's. The bond was finally sealed. Ed took Roy's hand and put it to his face, sharing his emotion as best he could with the man-and was rewarded with soothing shushing and cooing from the big bad Flame Alchemist, and Roy working his way into the bed with Ed to help quell his tremors.

"I can't believe it worked," Riza murmured, Havoc nodding in agreement.

"We owe Freedom so much," Alphonse added, wiping tears from his own eyes as he gazed at the unconscious animal. "He brought Ed back to us."

"I bet he even healed Ed's hip," Winry laughed, body shuddering from happy relief.

"Yeah. I can't wait to see him walking again."

"Free of every burden."

"As free as Freedom," Riza said with a smile, watching her two best friends try their best to communicate through Dorset before giving up and just holding each other.


	89. Chapter 89

_To ImpossibleJedi4_: I would _love _fanart! Are you offering? I'm terrible at drawing people, or else I would.  
_To Bright Eyes Illusionist_: Unfortunately, no :( Freedom can only tread lightly in Truth's domain, but he can't change anything around. His healing of Ed's senses were only temporary, so attempting to switch senses wouldn't even cause a temporary switch.  
_To Attackoneverything_: UPDATE UPDATE  
_To speedfanatic05_: Thank you so much! I absolutely love reading your reviews. Because though I'm experiencing the story as I write it-rereading it from your point of view makes me feel it again, in a stronger way, and I love that. Thank you!

Hope you guys don't mind; this is just one scene but I thought it had to be shared right away! :D

* * *

The group had finally dispersed and left the hospital once Freedom had awakened and Ed was able to walk again, albeit very unsteadily.

True to Winry's comment, Ed's hip _had _been healed, though he still psychologically favored it and the ghost of a limp was still evident in his slow gait.

He hadn't spoken much, despite being the center of attention for the last several hours. He simply tried his best to camouflage himself with Roy, a difficult task when the older man was too sensory deprived to realize it.

Winry shrugged Ed's habit off as lingering shock, but Al worried that there may be some unhealed damage to Ed's mind.

"Brother?" Al asked when Ed finally left Roy at home for a bathroom break. He didn't even receive a glance in reply as Ed ran his hand along the wall and focused on his odd task of travel. "Ed? Are you okay?"

"Blind," Ed said in a low voice, as if he wasn't paying full attention.

Alphonse gasped and grabbed Ed by the wrist, turning Ed to face him. "You're blind still?!" He released his hand at once as Ed cringed from the sudden action, the blond biting his lip as he looked away.

"No."

"But you just said-"

"I was. In my dream."

"Which dream?"

Ed closed his eyes, losing himself in his dream world again before Alphonse finally nudged him.

"... Brother?"

"Huh? Al?"

"Ed...should we have you see a doctor?"

"No!" Ed barked rather childishly. "I'm-I'm fine. I-just-" he sighed and turned away. "...Nevermind."

"This is hardly nothing to be concerned about," Al stated, trying to pry further but _gently_. "Please tell me what's bothering you."

"Coma-" Ed started, pausing to put a hand to his face absentmindedly. "It was peaceful-happy-I was happy. I was blind and deaf and-Freedom said it was a lie. I didn't want it to be."

Al took Ed's hand and slowly placed it at his side, trying as always to extract Ed from the protective shell of defense. He kissed Ed's forehead, rubbing his back soothingly.

"I can understand that. The truth is much harder, but it's the only place to find real love and real growth."

"I want to be here-with Roy-for real," Ed replied haltingly, fiddling with his feelingless fingers. "But I-I want it back-to how it was. I want-I-I miss the-the coma."

Alphonse was just glad Ed's eyes were cast downward so that he missed the surprise in Al's own.

"You would leave us all missing you?"

"No!" Ed sighed in exasperation. "I don't-I just _miss _it. Everything was perfect-everything was right-we were all happy. I was happy," he mumbled at the end.

"And you're not here?" Al asked softly, reminding Ed to stay in reality by the continued rub on the back.

"No, I am. I...but...there's so much pain now. Roy's pain-I feel it all the time-and the healing pain, I-I still feel it sometimes..." He looked like he just wanted to crawl back into the safety of his mind and it tore at Al.

"Is there anything I can do to help with your pain?"

"You're in there too," Ed said with a weak laugh and matching smile, catching Al off guard. "Your memory...of the attack-of my death. You, you worked so hard Al," he said as tears began spilling from his eyes. "You saved my life..."

"Oh Ed," Al pulled his brother into a comforting hug. "I would do so much more for you. I'm just glad you're finally _whole _again."

"But I'm-not-"

"You'll find your happy soon, Ed, and you know it. You'll thrive. Just throw a little more of that fighting spirit of yours in there, and you'll be completely _whole_ in no time flat."

"...Y-yeah. You're right, Al."

"I always am, aren't I?"

"Don't push your luck."

"Okay, brother. Now go do your thing."

"What thing?"

"You were heading to the bathroom, weren't you?"

"Oh, yeah, I...was?" Ed paused, then looked down-only to find his pants already darkened and wet. He immediately expressed his shock and embarrassment by trying to back away and hide it from Al.

"Oh. Accidents happen, brother! Besides, your body _did _just take a really bad beating."

"I-but-oh how could I _do _that," Ed whined. "I didn't even _feel-_"

"You were on life support for a week, Ed. Some things are going to be weak."

"...Yeah. Just don't-don't tell-"

"Tell what Ed?" Winry asked curiously as she appeared to check in on the absent brothers. She caught sight of Ed's pants before his shamefully embarrassed face and, perhaps wrongly for the moment, giggled to show that she didn't mind-but Ed's face flushed red and he turned to run for the bathroom, managing to fail spectacularly as he always had done and misjudge distance, trip, and slam his head into the wall.

_Ouch_.

"Brother!" Al gasped as he and Winry both knelt to find Ed clutching at his head. "Are you okay?"

"I want to go home," Ed cried stupidly, sounding more like a lost child than the grown man who had defeated both Kurkowskis.

"But...you _are _home."

"Home where Roy is in charge and I'm _handicapped _again I _like _that life I don't-I can't stand Roy being without while I can't handle what he gave me!"

Winry pulled out her wrench and brandished it in front of Ed's eyes once they opened, the threat taking immediate effect from the fear in his transfixed gaze.

"Edward Elric, you have to take a breath. Breathe! Life sucks sometimes. Things change-but life is about change. Right now, you have to focus on here and now, not the past." She pulled him to a sitting position, giving him a moment to rest as he still held his head from the mild headache. "Things will get easier in time. But for now, just worry on the present. Take one day at a time. The rest will fall into place."

"It's so easy for you to say," he whined. "You don't have to be afraid of your own shadow!"

"You're not the only person who deals with anxiety, Ed," Alphonse said with a sigh. "But you can work through it. As Winry said, take it a day at a time."

"Yeah and the-the first storm that comes, I'll turn into a-a wreck!" He argued, pulling his knees insecurely to his chest.

"If you think it will help, brother, there are some anti-anxiety medications you can take."

"Now you want to drug me up like you did with that damned needle?!" Ed snapped, but he immediately looked horrified with himself for saying it and tried to apologize, his words coming out in a stuttering jumble.

"Ed," Alphonse said, placing a finger to his brother's lips; "if you don't want the medication, that's fine. I know you didn't mean it like that. I just want this transition to be easier on you. I hate seeing you in pain."

Still in his soiled pants, Ed put his head down on his knees and tried to remind himself that he was an _adult _and that crying from emotional overload would not be the right thing to do.

"No pills okay? I'm-I have enough-to list on how fucked up I am."

Winry gave Ed a light pop on the head with her wrench, expecting a glare in return but receiving instead sadness. In that moment, she _really _missed the old Edward.

"The only thing on that list is how you're still not legally _married _to Mustang. And that your best friends are a unicorn, a wolf, and a politician."

Ed sniffled-and cursed himself because he _had _begun crying, but would blame that on Winry's wrench-and allowed himself a small smile for Winry's comment which Al was already snickering about.

"Speaking of-where are they?"

"Roy is at the table working on his Braille worksheets now," Winry explained; "and Hope and Freedom are actually getting along."

"Probably because Freedom is so smart," Al laughed.

"Are-are you gonna take him back? To the stable?"

"Of course I am. He's not rightfully ours, he only came to help you."

"I literally owe him my life," Ed mumbled. "I guess I'd better try to use it wisely."

"Let's start with a _clean _slate, shall we?" Al helped Ed to his feet, steadying the wobbly man.

"Huh?"

"I think you're due for a bath."

"Oh," Ed mumbled with a pink tinge on his face. He glanced at Winry before heading into the bathroom with Al, ready to protest at needing _help_ for the task.

Al simply told him to be quiet and strip.

"Really Al-I can do this myself-I did it almost alone even when I was blind!"

"Does that mean I'm not allowed to help my brother?"

"But I'm perfectly capable..."

"I just don't want to leave you all alone right now, Ed."

"Because I'm mentally unstable?"

"Because I watched you die and thought I'd never get you back," Al answered Ed quietly, effectively shutting him up. He drew warm water in the tub while Ed methodically stripped himself.

"I'm sorry, Al," Ed mumbled, kicking his pants off to the side with practiced balance as he walked over to the tub. "I-I hate being so weak. I don't want to take it out on you-on anyone, though."

"I understand, brother. We've been together since the day I was born, remember? I've had to put up with you for my whole life! I know better than anyone how stubborn and headstrong you are!" He laughed as Ed gave him an annoyed pout, looking even _more_ adorable on his _adult_ face.

"Say what you want Al I-" His automail foot slipped on the tile and he fell backward into the tub, his reflexes and sixth sense saving his ass again as his arms caught either side of the tub and suspended him in safety at the last moment. He stared at the offending leg, his arms on the tub, and Al's expression of utter surprise before lowering himself gently into the tub, showing much more grace than his little slip. "I-I got myself a boyfriend despite my personality."

"Well, you always _did_ call him an idiot," Al replied jokingly, setting the neatly folded and dry washrag on Ed's head from behind, waiting to see how long it would take him to notice it.

"Yeah well he's _my_ idiot dammit," Ed grumbled. "My very...doting...and caring...dedicated idiot," Ed added affectionately, smiling as he ran his fingers through the bathwater just to watch the rippling effects on the surface.

"You know he loves you just as much."

"I know. Trust me, Freedom _showed_ me just how much." Ed allowed himself to slip down so the water engulfed him up to his neck. He just wished he could feel the warm water on his skin... "He shared Roy's sadness and heartache of when I died and was in the-coma," he murmured.

"Still hard to believe that was just yesterday, isn't it?"

"Yeah. It was...so real...and so hard to leave. I wanted to stay because it was-perfect, but-he let me feel Roy's emotions and I couldn't leave him feeling like that, even while I finally had happiness for a while..."

"Aww, you'd only come back for Roy? Not for me?" Al teased, sitting next to the tub on the plush carpet.

"No Al I-I would for you but I-I just didn't realize that-what he was showing me was-was _real_. In the dream it felt like a dream...and it was so hard to wake up from..."

"I understand, brother." Al watched as Ed grabbed the bar of soap and fumbled with its slipperiness in his questionable grasp, finally dropping it into the tub with a sigh of resignation. "You can still find happiness here. You know that right?"

"Of course I can. There's just so many things that _interrupt _it...Alphonse did you get my washcloth out? I can't grab the damn soap without it."

"Now what kind of brother would I be to forget that detail? Of course I got it out for you."

"Well where is it?"

"You don't know?"

Ed looked all around, pausing only when he saw Alphonse giggling. "What the hell's so funny? Did you hide it?" He tried again to find it, nearly _jumping _out of the water as a flap of the cloth fell down and covered his eye. "What the!?"

Alphonse couldn't help himself and fell backward onto the floor in laughter, unaware of Ed's reddening face.

"Alphonse you _jerk!_" Ed threw his arm up, showering Al with warm bathwater.

"Hey! Brother you'll soak the floor!"

"Then at least _you'll _get soaked _too!_" Ed threw more water onto his brother, cackling as it _drenched _him. His laughter died as he saw Al moments away from _tackling _him in a leap.

Ed's scream was the trigger, and within seconds, Winry, Hope and Freedom were in the doorway-only to see a naked Ed and his clothed brother wrestling with each other in the cramped bathtub, more water on the floor than they were in.

Hope ran into the bathroom to join in, getting wet fur _everywhere _as Freedom snorted and walked away.

Winry smiled, turning to return to the oblivious Roy. She knew this happiness would never leave her heart.

Those brothers _finally _got the reunion they deserved.


	90. Chapter 90

_To Guest_: Yes, but Roy wanted Ed to have a normal life again, with all of his senses. Well, almost all.  
_To ImpossibleJedi4_: YAAAAAAAAY! I mean. XD I can't wait to see! :D

Slightly less eventful chapter this time. :)

* * *

Though I had essentially been retired by the Fuhrer himself, I saw no reason to stop learning Braille. I was at home with my partner where I wanted to be, and he was alive and well and on his feet again.

I love unicorns. So much. And I think I spoiled Freedom with the sugar cubes that I had kept for my coffee. His emotions said it all when I gave them to him-more, more! I could feel him begging.

Just like a regular horse.

Not that I would ever allow a regular horse inside my home.

Edward says he's trying to make good use of his senses. He honestly tries to cook food, but usually burns it and just cheats with alchemy. I don't call him out in it, despite being able to _feel _the alchemy.

Because at least he's trying, right?

Alphonse and Winry are returning home today, leaving Ed with only me and Hope as round-the-clock company and sanity measures. I can only hope I'll do as good as that boy's younger brother has been.

I was so glad when Winry told me of the multiple times Ed let his guard down around Al and was just _normal_. It's been so long since he had that.

Although, Ed hasn't left the house since the Kurkowski incident, worried that something might happen again...or that he would be too frightened by something insignificant like a baby's sudden crying.

He admitted this to me, though I know it wasn't easy for his once-strong pride.

He interrupts me from the Braille worksheet that I'm getting pretty good at, telling me they're leaving. He doesn't say that he wants or needs me there, but I know for a fact that it's both.

The boy wouldn't be completely emotionally sound, not right now, if he was alone when they left. I can't blame him, for everything that he's gone through in these past few months.

I join him at the door for final farewells, thanking Winry and Alphonse for all of their help and company. They each give me a hug, longest of all Alphonse; he then tells me something I never thought he'd say to me!

_Thank you for taking care of Edward, Roy. I'm glad you fell in love with my brother. It's the best thing that's happened to him_.

He almost leaves me speechless, but Roy Mustang is not a man known to be caught off guard!

"...Of course. Thank you for letting me have him, Alphonse."

A set of arms wrap themselves around my left one, signaling Ed hugging me as his brother and best friend are undoubtedly leaving.

I know he's gonna miss them-hell I am too!-but they _do _have to return home to Pinako and Den and their business.

Ed and I will make it. It might take a while, given my disability and his psychological setbacks, but we always triumph.

* * *

"You want-" Ed paused and continued his words so that Roy could _hear _them. _You want to go where?_

"Out for ice cream," Roy answered casually. "The weather is nice for it today. Don't you agree?"

"Uhm, n-no," Ed stammered nervously. _It's quite nice in here_.

"Yeah, in _here _it is. But we should get out for a walk. Really give that hip of yours a good workout. It's been a long time since you could; you need to build those muscles back up."

_I can just walk around the house and up and down the stairs_, Ed replied, but he _knew _he was being unreasonable.

"We can't stay in the house _forever_, Ed. We have to go out for groceries. Appointments. Visits with friends!"

_Well, there are ways around all of that, but...you're right. I'm just a little_...

"Scared? After Kurkowski, I can understand. But I already had the guys look it up-there are no more Kurkowski siblings to worry about."

_You asked about that? For me?_

"Of course! I don't want anyone trying to take you away from me again."

_Carjackers are still out there_.

"Luckily, we no longer drive."

Ed laughed and pulled Roy into a hug. He left the man clueless as he ran off to grab a coat from _upstairs_, still wanting something to cozy up in-as a sort of physical layer of protection to appease his psychological craving for it.

Every little bit helps.

He returned to find Roy sitting on the floor playing with Hope, petting and scratching her and fending off her harmless nips.

She really _was _more dog than wolf.

_Are you ready?_ Ed tapped to Roy's head, earning a noise of delight.

"So you really want to go?"

_I think with you, I can take on the world_. Before he had a chance to stand, Ed tilted Roy's head back, much as the man had always done for him, and surprised him with a tender kiss.

Hope watched in blissful curiosity as the two men affectionately kissed, the sentiment meant to last only for a minute taking ten and landing them both on the floor.

Ed blamed his falling on balance.

Roy blamed his on having his breath taken away.

Neither complained.

* * *

"Ed I want to be nice but feeling is all I _have _now and I can't feel my hand."

I quickly release his hand that I'd been holding much too tightly, apologizing to his forearm.

_Sorry_.

"Hope is still with us, right?"

_Of course. I wonder if she would like ice cream too_.

"Just don't buy her chocolate. It's toxic to dogs."

_She's a wolf_.

"Canids, whatever."

I smile and continue our walk, able to stay grounded and resilient _despite _the constant assault of cars vrooming past us, kids yelling and laughing, people running around, dogs barking, and the sunlight peeking out from behind buildings and trees to momentarily _blind _me.

Senses are a real pain in the ass!

And, augh, _ew_, I think we just walked by a backed-up sewer drain.

I can _taste _it too-this is absolutely horrible.

"Ice cream ice cream," I mutter repeatedly, trying to keep my mind on the sweet treat and ignore the rotting, putrid odor stuck in my nostrils.

Even Hope is whimpering and rubbing her giant paw across her nose.

What do the people in Central _eat?_

We finally free ourselves from the odor only a block away from the ice cream store, but I'm still tempted to empty my stomach.

You're just imagining the nausea, Ed. It's almost ice cream time! I'll bet there's thirty flavors or more.

"I want mint chocolate," Roy suddenly says, catching me off guard.

_You can't taste it_.

"Mint helps with my digestion."

_And chocolate?_

"Chocolate releases endorphins! Or serotonin or something. Happy brain chemicals."

"Happy brain-" I laugh and drag him toward the ice cream parlor, tempted to grab double chocolate chip in light of that news.

I hesitate outside when I see a No Pets Allowed sign outside and glance down at Hope, who is undoubtedly eager for the smells inside.

I think I smell meat too. Do they sell more than ice cream?!

Maybe they'll allow her in if she's well behaved...

"Hope, be on your best behavior. You don't want to get stuck on a leash out here, do you?"

She tilts her head curiously, but I can actually feel her compliance.

Good to know my sixth sense still works, and on dogs, even! Er, wolves. Dammit Roy!

"Uh, are we here? Why did we stop?"

Oops, got distracted in my head again...I'm so used to Roy having senses!

_Keep Hope from getting too excited around the food. Pets aren't supposed to be inside here_.

"Uh, I'll do my best. Considering I can't hear or see what she does, and she listens to you _way _more than she does for me."

_Uh, right. I'll do my best._

"Maybe we should leash her..."

_She's never been on one! What if she panics?_

"Fine, we'll train her to one later. Just be watchful, Ed."

_I will! Let's go, I think I smell weenies_.

"Weenies?!" Roy's laughter dies down to chuckles when I smack him.

We go inside, Hope staying ever faithfully at my side; granted, I'm nearly as tall as Roy, but she's big for a wolf and over half my size.

Of course, she's noticed right away.

A shriek pierces my hearing from several tables away but it _feels _like it's right next to me. My hand tears away from Roy as they clap over my ears, my heart pounding as I try to not let the sudden noise bother me.

"Whoa whoa whoa! What's this?!" A man comes running from behind the counter, and I remove my hands to try and appear like I'm _not _some mentally handicapped idiot.

Dammit, I'm shaking.

"Sir, you can't bring animals in here," the man says, eyeing Hope warily. "And certainly not a wolf!"

"She's-she's my-I need her," I stammer, _cursing _myself mentally for the stupid stutter.

"Yes, many pet owners think they _need _their pet to be with them. But here we don't allow-"

"No I really do!" Hope must hear the stress in my voice because she nudges my leg with her head. I grasp onto her fur to help calm myself. "She's-she helps me and Roy. Roy is blind and deaf," I motion to my partner with concern on his face; "and sometimes I-I have a panic attack-" I don't know why I'm telling him this but I feel like if I don't keep talking I'm going to actually _have _one right now- "and she snaps me out of it. I need her okay?!"

The man stares at me, then Hope, and finally Roy. He glances around the restaurant and sighs. "I'll allow it just this time. But next time I'll need to see paperwork deeming her a trained service animal, okay?"

"I-a what? Uhm-okay." As the man turns away, my jelly legs finally give out and I hit my knees, my entire body moments later engulfed in a ball of concerned fur. "Thank you, Hope."

"Ed, something just happened didn't it? Are you okay?"

_Yeah, _I reply as I shakily make it to my feet. _We gotta have Hope certified as a service animal to bring her into businesses._

"Oh! That's a great idea. I know of a place that does that! She'll be great at it."

_She already is_.

"Yeah I-Ed?" He places his hand on mine, stilling its lingering trembling. "Are you shaking?"

_Shut up it's an ice cream store it's cold in here_, I lie, but he _has _the sense of feeling and he sees right through it.

"It is not. It's cozy."

_Fine. A woman shrieked when she saw Hope, then the owner threatened to throw her out, and I almost had a panic attack. Are you happy?_

"No," he answers, squeezing my hand reassuringly. "I'm happy that you were able to overcome it. I just wanted to make sure there were no lingering ailments from your severe recovery."

"Oh," I murmur in embarrassment. I always think I'm going to get chided or coddled for my weaknesses-but he doesn't do that. He just tries to take care of me and love me the best he can. Even when I throw it in his face like a total asshole.

Don't be too easy on him Ed; _he _can be an asshole too!

Yes, but playfully. Not meanly.

It could be either from him. He _is _an idiot at times.

Shut up and go buy food, you introverted convert!

My face reddens and I lead Roy to a table, taking Hope up to the counter with me. The girl taking orders spots Hope and goes pale, but I must have a disarmingly nervous expression on my face because she sheepishly asks me what I'd like.

"Uhm, I-I need two bowls of ice cream. I need...chocolate mint...and I'll have...oh what, is that a real flavor?! Triple chocolate chip fudge brownie?!"

"Yes sir it is," she replies with a giggle. Chocolate brownie bites, chocolate chips, all in chocolate ice cream...with chocolate fudge syrup on top!"

Oh, no. Oh, no, no. I've never _had _so much chocolate at once. I-I need to _try _it-

"Yeah yeah gi-gimme that one!" I'm getting _really _excited. "Oh and-four hot dogs too. You have those right?"

"Yes sir we do! Any toppings on them?"

"Yeah...on two of them, everything; the other two plain. I don't think Hope has ever had hot dogs before."

"Oh! Well I'm sure she'll enjoy them!" She smiles, probably unaware that Hope is the wolf next to me. I pay for the total and watch as she scoops the ice cream out, Roy's first, and then mine-and she is being _so _liberal with the fudge. I'm going to die from flavorgasm, I know it.

"Thank you! I'll be right back for the hot dogs."

I take the ice cream to the table, handing Roy a spoon as I lick some of the fudge from my hand when I accidentally tilt the bowl.

Oh, man. _Already _I'm in chocolatey heaven.

Hot dogs-

I trot over to the counter, nearly losing balance for the lack of feeling in my left leg and visual disorientation.

I'm not used to _seeing _yet?

I happily grab three of the hot dogs, handing the fourth to Hope-who tenderly takes it to walk back with me to the table. I nearly take a bite from one of my dogs before realizing she hasn't touched hers.

"Hope? You can eat that. I got it for you."

Seeming to understand my words, she sets the weenie and bun on the floor and begins eating. Her nose and lips are back in a snarl as she uses just her teeth to tear it apart.

Wolves are amazing.

"So how's your ice cream, Ed?"

_Haven't tried it-going to eat a hot dog first._

"Oh, you got those too? They're delicious from here. What did you get on it?"

_Everything_.

"The best." He smiles and has some of his ice cream, his wistful words leaving me just a bit guilty for enjoying my food-but not for long, as he _did _do this to me, not to mention the food is so _good!_

I practically inhale the two decadent dogs before handing Hope's other dog to her. I turn then to my dessert-my _chocolate miracle_-and delve in.

Oh, _yes. _This is _amazing_.

I've never called myself a chocoholic. I never ate much in my childhood, because I used to think it was a treat for little kids and the upper class, but I'm making up for it now.

Chocolate upon chocolate upon chocolate and more!

I'm going to gain my weight back in no time.

I need this every _day_.

"Are you having your ice cream now?"

_Oh hell yes_.

"Well, that's a good reply!" He pauses in eating his melting ice.. soup. "I take it you like it?"

_I've reached chocolate nirvana._

"Oh no," he jokes; "have I taken in a chocoholic?"

_You just may have_. My bowl is emptying rapidly but I want _more_.

"We must buy chocolate when we go to the store, then!"

"All of the chocolate." I jump out of my seat and go up to the counter for a second bowl, spoon forgotten in my mouth as I give the cashier puppy dog eyes.

"Oh? Are you finished?"

"No I-" I look down as I hear a clatter, spotting my spoon. "...Oops. Can I have a second bowl?!"

"Oh, you must have really liked it!"

"_Loved _it," I correct. "I haven't had a sense of taste for over two years-and now I'm in love!"

"Really? I'll get that for you right away sir!" She charges me the same price, but gives me nearly _double _what I had last time. I wonder if I'm drooling chocolatey saliva as I watch her pour fudge syrup over the ice cream.

I am going into a sugar coma tonight. I just _know _it.

"If you don't mind me asking," she says politely as she slides the bowl of scrumptious bliss toward me; "how did you lose your sense of taste?"

"Alchemy accident." I glance up to spot shock, and I realize she probably expected something more _normal _like smoking. "Er, it's all healed now. Thank you!"

I trot back to the table, sticking my finger in chocolate fudge and dabbing a dot on Roy's nose. He _had _been finishing his ice cream, but when I did that, he froze.

"Uh...Edward?"

_I didn't do it_.

"You're full of it, aren't you."

_Chocolate? Oh yes_.

"I'm hoping that's what you put on my nose."

_Want me to lick it off?_

"In public? Getting kinky, aren't you?"

_Too shy?_

"Not at all, but I definitely thought you'd be."

_After years of being blind, disappearing from public radar, then losing my sanity and life together in a short time? I'm over worrying about what other people think. To hell with them._

Before Roy can reply to me, I lean forward and lick the chocolate off his nose. I'm rewarded with an _incredibly _rare blush on his stunned face, and I snicker as I dig into my _second _sundae.

"Did...did you really?" Roy says in disbelief, spoon still stuck in soupy limbo.

_Didn't think I would, huh?_ I grin.

"Honestly, no. I can't say I didn't enjoy it." Roy grins and swishes his spoon around. "You're no longer a dog of the military, but you're still _my _dog."

_Oh shut up._

We eat in silence for a bit more before Roy speaks again, causing me to nearly _choke _on my chocolatey treasure.

"If I knew it only took chocolate to have you become so intimate, I would have bought a case and switched our senses long ago!"

"_Roy!_" I hiss in reply, glancing around. _You don't have to share __**that **__with the people around us!_

"Does that mean yes, we'll try it?"

_No-I don't know-maybe. Eat._

He simply chuckles and obliges, finishing off his marshy colored soup.

Horndog.


	91. Chapter 91

_To msmazzo_: Classic Roy. What a flirt!  
_To speedfanatic05_: It's so hard to keep these guys SFW. (lol!) and they could use a release...another time, another time. Snuggles will do!  
Haha yeah neither man knew Ed was a chocoholic until he was unleashed at the Tasty Twist. All the chocolate! (Luckily on my diet I can have cacao powder!)  
_To Mal_: I was just thinking about you! I missed you! Good to hear from you again :)

I could have added another scene to this chapter, but Ed's been through enough in one day! Let's allow him to relax. :)  
Also I am tired and I did not proofread. Should be fine 8)

* * *

I'm feeling the limits of my stomach and a simultaneous energy rush and crash, leaving me relaxed in the restaurant chair with Hope dutifully snoozing next to me, despite all of the temptation to check out people and food and things.

She is _such _a well behaved wolf.

I wonder if she was ever trained by someone...

Roy is currently in the restroom, familiar enough with this place to be able to find it himself. We're slated to leave as soon as he returns, but right now, I'd rather have a nap.

"Mister Ed!"

I jump as a young girl runs over to me and throws her arms around me in a hug. I don't move, wondering not only who she _is _but how she knows my name.

"Uhm," I say intelligently. "Hi?"

"I haven't seen you in a long time! My daddy reads the newspaper and he said you died. But I guess the newspaper was wrong!" She pauses and watches me with her curious red eyes..._oh_. Those are Ishvalan eyes. But her skin and hair don't reflect the parentage...

"I'm sorry you can't hear me Mister Ed," she says cutely and I'm just about to correct her when a woman walks over.

"Are you bothering that nice man again? He doesn't look like he remembers you, Ruby."

Ruby...that name sounds awfully-

Oh.

_Oh._

"Ruby!" I say enthusiastically, catching mother and daughter off guard. "Of course I remember you, from the train and from here...I just...never saw you or heard you before."

"You can now?" They both asked, though Ruby's enthusiasm was a direct contrast to her mom's concern.

"Yeah Roy um...we were in an accident, and we...switched."

"What?" Ruby pouted. "You mean now Mister Roy can't see or hear anything?"

"That's right," I reply softly, patting her head. "But he doesn't mind because he still has me."

"It must be great to always be with your best friend!"

"Ruby," her mom tries to scold her, but I simply chuckle at her youthful innocence.

"Yeah, it is. Best friends forever."

"Oh here he comes!" Ruby runs over to Roy, who is ambling around very slowly and using the wall religiously. She grabs his hand and starts to lead him over to the table, earning a cute expression of surprise.

"Ed?"

_Do you think I'm that short?_ I ask once he's seated, less than pleased at his quite reasonable guess.

"Do I need to answer that, Edward? You'll never outgrow me."

_I can outfight you and I can kick your ass._

"And yet you always look _up_ to me."

_Oh shut up. We have friends here_.

"Who?"

"You can talk to each other now?" Ruby's mother asks curiously as Ruby tries her old tactic on Roy, having him pat her head and feel her shoulders.

"Yeah, a while ago we discovered that we can use Dorset code, which we knew since we were both in the military."

"Oh! You were? Your partner introduced himself to me as a Colonel, but I didn't know you were in the military too."

"You don't recognize me?" I ask with a nervous laugh. "I mean, I was shorter then and I never wore _blue_..."

"As much as I want to guess Ed due to the height I know it's not true," Roy said with a chuckle. "The only other person I can really guess is...Ruby?" He's rewarded with a giggle and Ruby clapping his hands in triumph. "Oh, Ruby! Good to see you again!"

"Mommy he remembers me too!" Ruby cheers, earning a smile from her mom.

"That's great, honey."

"Your daughter really is great, you know that?" I say to her mom with a smile.

"She really is. She can be a handful sometimes."

"All kids can. You should have seen me when I was a kid!"

"Well, you _are_ a boy," she jokes.

"Aw c'mon, we're not that bad," I chuckle. "Ny name is Ed."

"Kathy," she replies, shaking my hand. "Hey, wait...the face and the name...I _might_ recognize you. You're not Edward Elric, are you?"

"Yeah, that's me," I say sheepishly, glancing over to see Roy hefting Ruby onto his shoulders, despite being blind as a bat.

"I thought so! What threw me off is that you were blind and deaf and you weren't before."

"Yeah mean when I was famous? Yeah, I get that. Accidents can be hell."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

"I know. Sorry if I come off...strangely. I'm still getting used to having my senses, it's harder than you'd think..."

"I don't think I could live without them."

"I didn't either when it first happened. I didn't know what _was_ happening at first. It was almost the worst thing that ever happened to me."

"There was something worse?!"

"I've been around. I've had several _worse _things happen. Things I don't wish on anyone. Besides," I change the subject and smile; "Roy and I found each other through all the chaos, so it's not all that bad!"

Kathy smiles and calls Ruby, who had been looking _really_ closely at Roy's blind eyes, as though trying to see where his sight had gone. Roy was more than happy to indulge, making me wish that we really could have a kid.

Hell, we have a hard enough time taking care of ourselves, who am I kidding? Hope would end up raising the kid.

"We're going to go home now," I tell Ruby as I take Roy's hand in my own. "It was good to see you."

"I'll see you again Mister Ed!" she says cheerfully. "Bye!"

I wave to her as I pull Roy along, Hope finally waking her lazy fuzzbutt up to follow.

And then she has the gall to yawn, as though she had been hard at work.

"Ah Hope, I'm too hard on you. You're always ready to come to our rescue, aren't you?"

She gazes up at me as we walk, giving me another layer of comfort.

I have Roy, Hope, and this jacket. It should be enough, but the paranoia of strangers and the _unknown_ makes me want to get home as soon as I can.

...Which makes it only natural that I get lost.

"I've...never seen this part of Central before..."

"Something wrong, Ed?"

_Nah. Just took the scenic route_.

"As long as you're enjoying it, I'll walk with you all day."

His sentiment calms me just a bit as I try to gather my bearings.

A sudden sound behind me shocks me into action. I _leap_ into the air several feet, grabbing Roy as I land and taking us both down. I try to get away from the sound even though it's stopped, and the cat running away from the trash can tells me what the sound _was_ and that it's harmless but my heart is still _racing_ and I can't stop it.

"Ed, what the hell?! Are you all right?"

Unable to stop my shaking to tap even three Dorset letters, I grasp his hand and suck in on a shaky breath, cursing my rotten luck.

Goddamn black cats!

Hope nudges me gently, trying to comfort me. Unfortunately, I've slipped a bit too far and have to get through this one on my own.

It takes several minutes of silence and my own willpower before I'm _myself_ enough to explain to Roy, but I only tap out _c-a-t_ before I sense something nearby...and look up to spot a few people watching me.

Stupid me. We _are_ on the sidewalk, just outside of the alleyway.

And these lovely bystanders got a front-row seat to Edward Elric having a panic attack!

Yeah, _that_ helps my pride.

"What the hell are you looking at?" I ask, though my voice is _way_ weaker and shakier than I would like.

Most people scatter, but one young man remains and asks if we need any help.

"No I-I got it," I mumble in embarrassment. "I just-fell. Black cats are bad luck y'know..."

"Are you sure?" he asks with a smile. "I really don't mind."

I watch the boy, leery of strangers, but see no malice in his eyes and feel no ill intent when I reach out with my mind. I guess some kids are being raised right today.

"Yeah, thank you. Just give-give your mom my compliments. She's doin' a good job." I turn my back to him and pull Roy to his feet, explaining once the kid is gone.

"A little kitty scared you?" Roy teased, knowing full well that I couldn't hold it against him even if I wanted to.

_Black cats are mean_.

"They are not! I had one when I was a boy. She was the sweetest ball of fluff you'd ever meet. Second only to Hope," Roy added hurriedly to appease the indifferent animal.

_I'm a wolf person_.

"So I noticed," Roy laughed as we began our walk back home, only _after_ I reluctantly asked him for directions after several more unidentifiable street corners.

"You could have asked sooner."

_I thought I knew the way from there. Shut up_.

"You're adorable even if I can't see you. I just know you've got a grumpy look on your face." He sneaks a kiss on my cheek, erasing that grumpy look that he _was_ correct about and replacing it with a giddy blush.

_I love you too. Now let's get home before we're stuck outdoors in the darkness_.

"It's not night yet!"

_At this rate it will be!_

"That's hours away."

_It feels like home is too._

I think he understands the meaning behind my words.

Home is my _safety_. Ever since he brought me to Central, it's been home base, and with everything that I've faced outside that house.

I'm _terrified_ of being caught outside after dark, even with Roy and Hope.

"I know a shortcut," he says lightheartedly, trying to lift my spirits.

Yeah, he understood.

I follow his instructions, trying to tell my mind that I'm on an adventure with Roy, running away from a bad guy like I did in the old days.

I really am running, though. Running from the shadows.


	92. Chapter 92

_To Cutiepie120048_: Truth isn't evil. He just wants to take payment where it's due. He just likes drama and to help the mortals learn important lessons :)  
_To speedfanatic05_: Ruby is a sweetheart! She's one of my favorites. I don't give her enough showtime. :) And yeah, you know all too well about Ed's pride and stubbornness...

I feel that my writing isn't as good as it was before. It lost something. I read over it and there's something I'm not happy about. I'm just glad that you guys love it so much, your favs and follows and reviews mean the world to me. Thank you everyone! :)

* * *

We make it home as soon as the sky changes from deep blue to brilliant gold, streaks of orange and pink catching my eyes as I look up and leave the keys forgotten in my unfeeling hands.

I know I saw tons of sunsets in my life, from my childhood on up, but I always loved them. I always was captivated by them.

When I lost my sight I regretted not getting out and away from the books more often to see the sunrises and sunsets. No matter how many I saw, it was never enough for me.

And after all of the stress I'd dealt with today, well, nature is really rewarding me with a show.

"Ed?"

_Sunset_, I tap slowly to him. _Breathtaking._

"I always wished you could see them again. Do you like it?"

_Ever since I was a kid, I've always loved sunsets. Sunsets and sunrises and rainbows and the first winter snow. They were my favorite things ever_.

Roy's arms wrap around me as we share in the moment, the fleeting sunset and lasting awe for life.

In his arms, dusk finally arrives. The sky is growing steadily darker, but I feel safe in his embrace.

Maybe we should still get inside, though. Hope is pawing at the door impatiently.

And couches are much better for snuggling than a front porch...

_Couch snuggles?_ I ask hopefully and he releases me with a smile.

"Of course. Just take that jacket off first. It's hard to feel you with all that extra fabric."

For him, as I close the door with us inside, I remove the jacket. In the safety of our house and his embrace, I remove my shirt as well-and I join him on the couch for cozy safe snuggles.

Oh man, I shouldn't have taken the shirt off.

He can't keep his hands off me!

* * *

After several more days of being cooped up inside, Roy finally convinced Edward that they _needed _to go food shopping.

"We're all out of supplies," Roy insisted. "Besides, I can teach you how to make your smoothies now."

_Even while blind?_

"I'm more capable than you give me credit for," he retorted grumpily. "Although carrying home all those groceries on foot will be a challenge..."

_Good idea! I'll call Riza and she can take you shopping_.

"You'd send me out and not come with me? Ed I want you with me," Roy pouted, Ed groaning from the super effective guilt trip.

_Fine. But he have to have wheels for the groceries_.

"I can't drive. Can you?"

_How about one of those carts that people push from home to do their shopping?_

"Oh, like those big basket ones?"

_They were really popular in Risembool._

"I don't have one, Ed."

_Alchemy, dipshit._

Roy chuckled and held his hand out to Ed. "I only wish I could watch you use it. Nobody alchemizes the way you do."

_Flirt_, Ed blushed as he went outside and grabbed a spare trash can that never seemed to be used. With a clap he turned it easily and artfully into a wheeled upright basket for groceries, the metal handles etched with a subtle flame design.

Satisfied with his work, he pulled it inside until they were ready to leave.

Naturally, Roy was already raring to go, but Ed wanted to grab that jacket again, even though it was borderline _warm _outside and he wouldn't physically need it.

"Hope is coming right?" Roy asked hopefully and Ed almost tripped.

"Shit, we didn't get her certified yet!"

Regardless, Hope ran toward them as if _knowing _they were leaving and not giving them a chance to leave her home alone.

"Oh good," Roy answered his question, kneeling down and playing with her while Ed fetched his jacket and wondered if Roy was always so playful in his past.

_Ready_, Ed announced after grabbing the coat and cart. _But you have to tell me where we're going. I've never been there before._

"Sure you have!"

_Not that I could see it, you jackass._

"Gotta be specific," Roy said lightheartedly, earning an eye roll from Ed.

_Gotta spell it out for the idiot you mean._ Ed trotted off, pulling Roy along by the wrist and the wheeled cart with the other hand.

"If I'm an idiot why do you love me so much?"

_You make up for it with your heart_.

"Awwww. I love how romantic you are, Ed."

_Don't push it_.

"Once out of the house, go right. Get to the corner and make a left. It's six blocks down."

_That's conveniently easy_.

"I chose a good location for my house."

_So you do have some brains_.

"No, just pre-planning skills. The future Fuhrer of Amestris must have a respectable house!" Roy paused and smiled weakly. "Well, I guess it's a nice house for a retired Colonel."

Ed frowned and squeezed Roy's hand, the comment tearing him up inside. He knew Roy was a man skilled at hiding secrets and emotion for his job, but he didn't realize how much this transition hurt him.

Ed should have realized, though; Roy spent his entire career climbing the ranks in the military, even following unspeakable orders to advance.

Now, because Ed couldn't keep his head on right, Roy was out of a job and a prestigious future.

All they really had was each other.

That was enough for Ed. He didn't have many plans in the future beyond light traveling and seeing the sights, but he honestly preferred just being with Roy and sharing stories and chatting with people, whether it be through Dorset or abled speech.

"Why did you _change _us," Ed whispered, wiping his eyes when they blurred and he realized he was crying. "We were perfect. Just the way we were..."

"Are we uh, almost there?" Roy asked awkwardly, honestly clueless about Ed's sudden silence.

_Yeah, I guess._

"Was there anything special you wanted to get, now that you can taste it?"

Ed rolled his tongue across the roof of his mouth, unable to feel it but aware of the minty taste of his toothpaste. He replied with a sigh to Roy.

_Nah. I've had enough flavor for a while._

"That doesn't mean you have to stop! Everything has a flavor! There's millions to experience!"

_And now you'll never taste all of them_.

"Oh don't tell me you're thinking _that _way again."

_Of course I am! Do you think it's easy for me to enjoy myself while you can't? _

"It's what I want you to do."

_It's not something I can just force my mind to do, Roy._

"Sure you can! You're Edward Elric, you can do anything! And there isn't a thing you haven't been able to learn."

_I can't learn how to do taxes or bills. Did Alphonse tell you that? The letters and numbers mix up and go backwards. I can't do it. I can't read anything anymore, Mustang!_

"Not...anything?" Roy stared in stock. "But you love to read!"

_Well I no longer can._

"When did this happen?!" Roy cried, earning not annoyance from Ed, but rather a cringe.

_Right after the switch_.

"And you really can't read?"

_No dammit I can't!_

"If it was just after the switch, then it's probably psychological. We can find a doctor to help you with-"

_What, so some stranger can teach the prodigy Fullmetal Alchemist how to read again?_

"Ed, look, I'm just trying to help-"

_You helped enough when you switched us_.

Roy went silent at that remark, a frown settling on his face as he returned to walking silently toward the store, led as always by Ed's hand.

Once they had arrived in the store, Ed set Roy's hands on the cart as Roy had once done for him and began their silent journey to the produce section.

Hoping for their walk to have allowed Ed to relax, he spoke again.

"...Ed, it's not that bad to relearn how to-"

Roy went silent as soon as Ed's hand slipped away from his. He looked around curiously, thinking Ed had just crossed his arms indignantly-but had no idea that Ed had completely walked off, leaving Roy at the mercy of only a wolf.

"...Edward?"

* * *

I really thought Ed wouldn't be so sensitive about the subject. Is he that prideful?

It's just a little bit of therapy, maybe psychology. He could read again just like he always did.

Unless...he didn't want to?

Did it really remind him too much of his past? Or was it our switch?

I wish he wouldn't take that so hard on himself. I'm fine without my senses.

It's really not the lack of senses that are bothering me...it's the lack of career.

Ed had achieved everything he wanted. He had become famous, saved the world, and restored his little brother.

But me...well, even after going blind I had aims and goals. I had helped save the country, but there were still so many things _wrong _with it that I wanted to make _right_.

I was doing pretty well on my goals with Ishval. Relations were starting to go very well, especially with Scar's help.

And in one stupid move, I piss off Edward royally and end my career.

I wouldn't mind terribly to switch again, but I wouldn't want to deprive Ed of the senses he just got back, especially not when he's finally improving and using them.

Is he still here? He hasn't touched me since I spoke.

"Ed?" I feel a gentle nudge on my hip and feel soft fur between my exploring fingers. "Hope, is Ed here?"

Naturally, I receive no answer. I reach out blindly, searching carefully. I take a few steps from the cart and feel around blindly, finally bumping into something with my foot.

I freeze, but nothing attacks me.

What am I saying, I'm not Edward, why _would _I be attacked?

I reach out to find...balls. Round bumpy balls with glossy pitted texture and a dimple at one end.

I think they're oranges.

I sigh and return to the cart with precision retracing of my steps, calling out again for Ed.

Did he really leave me? Disabled, dependent and all alone?

"Hope," I call gently, feeling her response instantly in the form of a curious nose on my hand. "Can you find Ed? I need Ed. Go get Ed!"

Just as suddenly as she'd arrived, she's gone again, leaving me completely alone.

Ed...please come back. I need you.

* * *

I did something that Roy never would. I left him completely alone in a public place.

As much of a fear as I have to be left alone, even still with my senses, my pride and temper got the best of me and I stomped off, running away from my problems for the first time in years.

But I can't really run from them.

They follow me in my mind, joining me and harassing me everywhere I go. They bother me until I face them-

So how hard would it be to just suck in my pride and relearn how to read?

I've taken really big hits to my pride before. Every time I break a little layer of pride off my hardened shell of societal conditioning, a little bit more of the heart of happiness shines through.

I should really learn how to read again.

It's not just the reading, Edward, and you know it. It's the reminder.

Roy will never see again. He needs to use his fingers to read, to take in more knowledge from the outside world.

At least he can do that. At least he had brains enough to keep at least _one _sense.

I think if I had to deal with touch added to all the other senses, I _would _go insane. It would all be too much.

Maybe I'm getting better at coping with my new life. Maybe I'm getting better at _dealing_. But I still miss how it was before, even if I was so handicapped that I had no hope of living alone.

Roy and I still had each other. Our bond had never been closer, even after I had nearly died in an alleyway and returned home only to constantly get lost in my mind.

I should never have let myself become so weak.

Fighting, I'm always _fighting_. Some murderous asshole, some preconceived notion, some request that I don't agree with.

Does Roy really like that about me? That I'm so obstinate and argumentative?

My heart is squeezing inward as if threatening to implode. I've barely been away for five minutes but I need to be with him again.

I'll even apologize for being a jerk.

I just need to-

Aw man, I'm crying? What a pain in the ass!

Hope suddenly appears and puts her mouth around my free hand, giving a gentle tug.

"Hope? What is it girl?"

As though I were still blind, she doesn't release me so that I can follow her. She leads me by the hand, and I find Roy mere feet from where I left him as he picks out a watermelon and places it in the basket.

He doesn't sense me nearby. He's developed not even the slightest hint of a sixth sense.

_Roy?_

"Edward," he says, stilling my hands as he takes them and pulls me into a hug. "I'm sorry."

_What are you apologizing for?_ I tap to his back. _I'm the one who was being an unreasonable idiot. _

"Maybe so, but I shouldn't have pushed the issue."

_If you don't, how will I ever realize how much I'm running away? _I hug him tightly, ignoring the pompous woman making a snide comment about gay men hugging in public.

Idiots exist everywhere.

"Just promise me you won't leave me alone, okay?"

_Of course I-_ He continues speaking, interrupting my Dorset.

"It's not fear of being alone and unable to fend for myself, Ed. It's fear of being without you. I love you and I need you, I want to be a part of your life. And when you leave it scares me."

_That...I might not come back?_

"That maybe you resent me for how I changed our lives. And that, maybe, you don't want to be with someone who causes you such resentment."

My hand flashes by my eyes in a rough slap to his face which echoes throughout the produce department. Several heads turn to see the two lovers having their strange little fight.

_Don't you dare_, I begin, trembling in anger. _If you think I want to be without you you're a bigger idiot than I have ever called you. I love and need you just as much as you do me, and my resentment is only for your suffering, not my own. I would die to make you happy, you idiot, so thinking that I'd leave you is the dumbest thought that __**ever **__crossed through that thick head of yours!_

Roy's hand may be on his rapidly reddening cheek, but his mind is clearly on my words. Shifting through alarm, shock, and guilt, his expression finally settles on contentedness.

"I'm...sorry, Edward. I really am an idiot to doubt you."

_To doubt us._

"You'll forgive me right?"

_Only if we go to the Tasty Twist later_.

"You want the chocolate lover's special again, don't you."

_Does the Fuhrer cross dress?_

Roy breaks out in hearty laughter at the memory, just one of the many things he's shared with me. I snicker at it too, placing his hands on the cart.

_Let's get our home foods first._

"Okay." He lists off the foods for my smoothies, then adds some that I'm sure are just for him. I smile and walk with him, content for now just to share in the mundanity and peace of shopping.


	93. Chapter 93

_To Guest_: Ed's actually slapping instead of punching, which would do more damage with his strength, and Roy wouldn't complain unless he didn't feel he deserved it. :)  
_To msmazzo_: I think my writing changed to more action less description, or more monotony...I'm trying to improve on that, and I hope this chapter shows!  
_To Attackoneverything_: OW MY TOE I just banged it mfthathurtsitwasthelittletoeaaaagh this is not a reply to your rewview but jfc ow. UM my update speed depends on where I am in the story and how much inspiration I have to write it, as well as my free time! I like to escape the boredom of breaks at work by writing. Glad you're enjoying them! ^^

* * *

_Come on Roy please?_

"I told you Ed, I don't need help with it."

_You did it for me all the time._

"You couldn't feel."

_And I still can't. But can't I help?_

"Ed I don't _need-_"

_I just want to do it because I love you_.

I finally give in and sigh, turning to face him with a smile. "I'm sorry. I guess I'm taking a lesson in pridefulness from you."

_Does that mean you'll let me?_

"Yeah."

Ed grabs my hand and eagerly leads me to the bathroom. Once there I turn the water knobs on, lazily paying attention to the setting in light of Fuery having engineered the temperature gauge for Edward.

_Hey Roy_...

"Yes Ed?"

_Remember my first bath? When I could barely get my clothes off?_

"I'm still using what's left of that shirt as a dusting rag."

_I want to make sure you don't have that same problem._

"What are you talking about? I'm perfectly-"

My mouth clamps shut as I feel his hands slide under my shirt and tease the skin above my pants. I'm too surprised even to speak as my magnified sense of touch picks up every individual finger dancing its way across my skin, electrifying my brain with excitement.

"Oh Ed," I moan, trying to keep my composure as his hands venture to my lower back and pull me closer to him.

He doesn't use Dorset. He says not a word. His hands are too busy on my sensitive skin and his mouth occupies itself with mine.

He is _really _surprising me right now. In a great way.

I wonder how far he intends to go?

In one very slow, smooth motion, he pulls the shirt over my head and off, but catches my arms and puts them around his waist.

Right now, I'm very glad Ed's height grew into adulthood.

"I'd have said yes sooner if I knew this was what you meant by giving me a bath," I murmur in pleasure.

He replies by kissing my neck. And as I give him a bit more room, he kisses more gently, following with tantalizing _nibbling_-

Where did a kid who doesn't like intimacy learn to _do _this?!

He didn't find my erotica book, did he?

I run my hand along the curve of his spine, pressing in deeply for him to feel it. My other hand wanders southward to rest on his ass and with a good squeeze, I feel his heated gasp on my neck.

"You're allowed to speak you know," I whisper into his ear; "you only need one hand for that."

He pulls my mouth into another, deeper kiss; silencing me much the way I did to him in the past.

He doesn't know what he's doing with his tongue, but he's doing it _so _well.

I reach down to my waistline and unfasten my pants, and only then does Ed's affection falter.

Oh.

Well, I guess I was _hoping _that he might be ready for something more, but I can't hold the man at blame for a personality trait.

Although...

"Ed, do you find me attractive?"

There's a lengthy pause before Dorset arrives.

_Yeah. Very_.

"You like touching, right?"

_Yes, even if I can't feel it_.

"Are you afraid to have sex? With me specifically, or with a man, or at all?"

Even _longer _pause. These are questions that would undoubtedly pull him out of his comfort zone.

_Well, if I did it with anybody it would be you. But I...I get really nervous just thinking about it_.

"That it might hurt? Or that you won't enjoy it?"

_Yeah._

"You know Ed, I've never had sex with a man either." I drop my pants and sit on the edge of the bathtub to safely declothe the rest of the way. "It would be new for both of us. But if you're not ready, that's fine. Honestly I was nervous too. You're such a tightass, I probably wouldn't fit!"

I deserve it, I know. I take my punishment as he grabs my arm and my leg and twists me to my side and gives me a shove, knocking me into the bathtub.

I love his affection, even when it's violent.

As I resurface I simply laugh, grabbing the bar of soap and holding it out for Ed.

"Well, you were so eager to give me a bath that you threw me into the tub. Are you gonna stand there or do you want to finish the job?"

His hand touches mine as he clumsily takes the soap from me. I wonder how well his lacking fingers can grasp the soap, but I don't have to wonder for too long as the bar suddenly smacks me in the face.

"Edward!"

_Sorry! It's too slippery!_

"You'll take any excuse to smack me in the face, won't you?" I ask jokingly as I rub the new mark of affection from Edward, a now aching and slightly burning eyeball.

_I'm sorry. You know the soap was an accident, but I have been rough lately_.

"Ed, I've been either an idiot or a jerk to deserve it, and you _are _lacking the ability to feel what gentle _is_. I understand." I pause and wrap the soap in a washcloth before holding it out for him. "Honestly, a slap hurts less than a punch from you, so I really won't complain."

He says nothing in reply to my words and instead goes to work with the washcloth, massaging the stress from muscles that I didn't even realize I had until he ran his magic hands over them.

Now is a good time for him to be rough. He'd be _excellent _as a masseuse.

I moan pleasurably as he works the rich lather across my skin, coating me in a thin layer of bubbles that I can slowly feel pop in the passage of time. He's taking his time and I wonder if he's hesitant to clean _all _of me, or if he truly is enjoying caring for me and making it last.

Maybe he just knows how much I'm _enjoying _this sensory pleasure flood and is indulging me.

Either way, I can't complain. We're both happy together, despite our handicaps and our many obstacles.

I couldn't ask for more.

* * *

I know Roy has plenty strength to give me what I need, but I want to feel the skeletal shift again.

I want to visit my chiropractor.

Even if it _does _mean leaving the house. Not that I stay inside _all _of the time, I do go out with Roy for walks just around the block; but always I shy away from the scarred corner where the shattered remains of a tree linger as a painful memory.

My own memory, and Alphonse's as well.

Freedom's gift of memories other than my own remain with me, both inspiring and afflicting me at times. Sometimes the pain is too much to bear, but it's all from love and concern for _me _so I'm able to transmute my very mind into good thoughts and steer myself away from any negativity.

_Roy?_ I sit next to him where he had been reading a Braille novel on the couch, a wonderful gift from Riza that he had been working through for days and had only made it through several pages.

Instantly the novel is forgotten as he immediately turns his attention to me. As though I'm the only thing that matters in his universe.

As though he had been waiting for something more than a painful struggle of deciphering, no matter how intriguing the challenge may be for his newly trapped mind.

He never says that he's depressed or even bothered by his borrowed handicaps, but I see it at times. He may not mean to let the difficulty and struggle show in his expression, but it does. I'm sure mine used to, as well.

"Ed? Did you want something?"

Even with senses, I still go on my silent trips of thought and forget the world right in front of my eyes.

_I want to go out. Are you up to it?_

"I always am. Do you have somewhere in mind?" He asks eagerly, gently pushing Hope's large head off his lap to slowly stand and stretch his stiff body.

We're both getting lazy as we learn the rounds in the house, in our new life. I'm gonna have to suggest sparring later.

_I want a visit with Dr. Stein_.

"Oh, chiropractic? She hasn't seen you since..." He trails off in thoughtfulness. "I bet she misses you."

_I know my body misses her_.

"So you _were _cheating on me!"

_Sorry, she had more brains. And boobs._

Roy only laughs at my comment before heading for the door.

It's so very warm outside so I merely tie the thin coat around my waist, but I swear Roy is developing a hint of my sixth sense because he reaches down and _feels _the coat there.

"What's this for?"

_In case it gets cold out_, I lie.

"Ed, it's almost summertime. It's not going to get even _close _to cold."

_I get cold easy_.

"Getting poor circulation from laziness?" Before I can reply, he takes my hands in his and frowns. "Warm as can be. You don't need a jacket, Ed."

_Why can't I just take it?_

"What for?"

_I feel safer with it,_ I finally admit, face warm from its prideful flush.

"Safer? Why would-oh," he trails off understandingly.

He understands that his boyfriend _is _mentally handicapped now. Mentally traumatized and insecure and needs the company not just of him, but also a wolf _and _a dumb jacket just to feel safe.

Still, he reaches forward and begins slowly untying the fabric arms from around my waist.

"I understand, Ed," he murmurs as his hands work deftly yet slowly. "I think though, that you don't really need it. It's just a thin jacket anyway. If you get cold, Hope is big and furry and can keep you warm with no problem."

Warm and safe. I know what he's getting at.

And he's _right_, dammit.

Only Roy can confront my insecurities and not make me feel insecure about them. I don't argue as the coat drops to the floor, only take a deep breath and smile.

_You're right old man, it is pretty warm outside. Let's go._

We take Hope with us, the girl several classes into her training certification. A wonderful gentleman visits us every other day to train her _and _us simultaneously on how to turn her into a certified seeing eye wolf. And a hearing alert wolf. _And _an anxiety sensor.

She didn't need certification, she's been great at it since she saved my life.

"Do you know where you're going, Ed?"

_Yeah, to the chiropractor._

Despite my comment, I had stopped us just as we reached the sidewalk. I'm trying to figure out which way we _go _to get there and my gut is telling me right but I ask anyway.

_We go right when we leave the house?_

"Yeah. I don't mind giving you directions, you know."

_I used to know this city so well_.

"Not all of it. Don't think I didn't notice you getting directions from Breda when you were younger."

"You saw _everything!_" I complain and give him a shove, nearly knocking him over. He stumbles but catches his balance, grabbing onto my arm the way I'd always done to him.

"I had to watch everything you boys did, you know. Not because I didn't trust your judgment. I did...most of the time." He smiles and squeezes my hand. "It was the rest of the military and the lowlife sneaks I had to worry about. You boys had enough to worry about with the monsters and dragons..."

"Don'tcha mean dinosaur?" I thank him in Dorset, attempting to be gentle to repay his kindness.

_Alphonse always said you were just trying to help. He was right, but I was always obstinate I guess._

"_Was?_" He laughs as I threaten him with a light punch to the arm. "Good to see you've settled down a little bit."

_Until some madman seeks vengeance. Then I have to release the ass-whooping._

"I just hope I can see it one of these days," he says wistfully, but falters when he realizes what he said and how my hand tightens on his arm. "I mean...I wish I could have seen it when you beat Kurkowski."

_If it were possible Roy, even if I were comfortable with my senses, I'd give them back to you in an instant._

"You can't," he mumbles. "They're yours now. It's your turn to see the world and really _live_."

"Yeah, we've been over this," I murmur softly.

I steer the subject toward our destination, asking for more directions. This requires I read the street signs to see where we _are_, because I may have made a turn or two without asking first.

"Well, where are we right now?"

_I'm trying to read, shush._

"Ed it's two words. The road isn't that busy is it?"

No, it's not, but every car passing wears down my nerves a little more, and every person passing me as well. Adding all of the stress together and Roy pestering me and _reminding _me of my stupid mental shortcomings, and reading the signs is next to impossible.

"Ed?"

"Shut up!" I whine, my nerves almost fried. I rub my eyes and turn them back to the sign on the corner but the letters aren't in the right order, _can't _be, and since when did the S point that way?!

"Ed are you okay?"

_Fuck it. Let's go._ I try to pull him along but he stands his ground with a frown.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

_Did you forget? Is your memory going, old man?_ I ask harshly, trying to cover my own faults. _I can't read_.

He doesn't snap back at me, only holds my hand firmly and inescapably, yet gentle enough to let me know that he cares.

"Do you want some help reading the signs?"

"How are you gonna help, you're _blind!_" I cry in incredulity, wiping at blurring eyes as I start to _cry_.

Stress overload you have got to be _kidding _me I'm turning into such a _baby_-

He pulls me closer and places a hand to my face, feeling the wet from the tears and the stress-contorted muscles underneath. All at once I'm in his arms as he says something that's probably meant to be soothing but I can't make it out, I'm withdrawing into my mind again and I'm not seeing, not listening-

His hands work their magic across my back and trigger my mind to calm and resurface. I return to awareness slowly, my chi melding with his and matching his calmness.

Roy brought me out of my shell again. Out of my mind. Even when our abilities are switched, our roles are not...he's still my grounding, my stable point in an unknown and frightening reality.

_I'm sorry_.

"Are you feeling better?"

I glance around at the few onlookers who have gathered and manage a glare at them as I wipe my eyes and try to save what pride had clung to me.

_People are watching._

"Well who the hell cares?! Are we blind or not?" Roy pulls on his white glove that I didn't even know he _had _hiding in his pocket and announces _this_ gem: "If anybody's still here in the next two minutes, your ass is toast. I'm the Flame Alchemist and I'm not watching where I'm aiming so you'd better scatter!"

All of the stress I'd endured in the past five minutes was _worth _it as I watch the people run off with fear or indignation in their expression. I manage a shaky laugh and welcome Roy's embrace again, tapping a thank you to his back.

_You're insane, but amazing._

"Just don't let those people bother you, Ed. They have no _idea_ what you're dealing with."

_Way too much stress and anxiety_, I reply with a sigh.

"One thing at a time," he says cheerfully, completely disarming my nervousness. "Let's start with the signs. Just relax. Can you read them yet?"

"Erm," I gulp uneasily. _Do I have to try? Can't we just walk until we find her?_

"Central is _huge_, Ed. Come on, you can try. What's the first letter of the first street?"

I glance up to find the words slightly..._calmer _than when I had seen them originally, and wonder if my stress level made this harder on me.

"Um...first letter is a T...that's a weird R..."

"Can you read it?"

Oh shit, right. Dorset.

_First two are T and R. The middle looks really odd, they don't even look like letters, and I think the last one is a Y._

"Damn," Roy mumbles. "You've got it bad don't you...well, I might be able to figure it out if you name the other street."

_The other sign starts with Z and has what looks like three G's in it. Roy I really hate this, the harder I try the worse it gets_.

"Relax Ed, just stay calm. We're figuring it out together, aren't we?" His smile throws me off of my stressed course, and his matching cheerful chi warms my heart.

_Yeah, we are. _In public, I sneak a kiss to his cheek, rewarded with a slight blush as Roy struggles to keep his mind on my cryptic sign clues.

"Uhm-well-the second one _has _to be Ziggy, and the only other one to intersect that with T-R-Y must be Tracy. Does that sound right?"

Now that I look at the signs, they have a fair amount of resemblance to those names. They don't _match_, but I don't think any of the words in the Amestrian language would match what I see.

_Yeah, I think so. Are we close?_

"Only two blocks away!" Roy pauses and looks around, as though he _could _get his bearings from his eyes. "We just need to go down Ziggy Street to Linear Way..."

"Who _names _these roads?!" I look around, wondering which way we're supposed to go down Ziggy Street.

"Okay! If I remember correctly, we have to go down the road with the pink brick building."

_You're kidding_.

"No, really. Somebody wanted their building pink!"

_Okay, I see it. Now we can go!_

"I told you that you could do it if you put your mind to it!"

I smile and take his arm, eagerly heading toward the pink brick house across the road.

...Without looking for cars, but I notice one as its horn blares and brakes squeal, knocking all coherence from my mind-and despite Roy still trusting me to lead, I stand frozen in fear.


	94. Chapter 94

_To speedfanatic05_: I'm glad you liked the bathing scene, I had a little bit too much fun writing it... :)  
_To AllyGal123_: Do you mean Mrs. Waters? I love her! Ed has to meet her. I meant to do that in the last store scene, but I oops'd. Thank you for sharing my story! I'm so glad people like it enough to share it, and even convert their innocent friends! I mean. 8)  
_To Attackoneverything_: HOW DID YOU KNOW?! ;)

Work today shut down for four hours for deep cleaning. It wasn't my department but it directly affected my work load...and I had time to write this entire chapter! Hope you enjoy :)

* * *

The next thing I realize, I'm laying on the ground in a daze. Roy is next to me and a furry form above me, growling protectively to fend off...it sounds like someone is yelling?

What happened?

Through sheer force of will, I clear the haze in my mind and turn my attention to what's going on.

Roy and I are on the sidewalk, and other than a pain in my hip, neither of us seem to be injured. Hope is standing protectively in front of us and growling at a man who is standing near a stopped car, talking very loudly and angrily...to me, I think.

"Are you even paying attention? Are you some kind of goddamn _idiot? _Why would you walk out in front of a car?! You have to be more careful or you'll get yourself killed!" He glares at Hope, who has turned to threatening snarling. "And you'd better put your god-ugly dog on a leash before _someone_ makes a phone call and has her put down!"

His words spark a fire in my brain and it quickly makes its way to my chest. I jump up in anger, leaving Roy to Hope's care as I grab the man by the collar.

"You'd better worry about _me _before you worry about my _wolf_. She saved my life twice and she's a great aid to Roy who is blind and deaf. Now I'm sorry I ran out in front of you, I myself was blind until a few weeks ago, and I'm still getting used to some things." The fear and surprise in his eyes softens my spirit and I sigh. "How did I make it outta the road anyway?"

"Your-your uh, wolf-she grabbed your shirt and pulled you onto the sidewalk." He glances nervously at Hope, who is nudging a concerned Roy for reassurance.

"And you want me to leash her?" Adrenaline gone from my system, I release the man shakily and step back to tend to Roy. "I'm sorry I stepped out into the road. I'll be more careful. But don't ever threaten someone's pet again. You don't know what it could mean to them."

The man frowns and glances at us as Roy asks what's going on. I help him to his feet and use Dorset to explain my mistake and the following small altercation.

"But you're okay?"

_Yeah. My right hip hurt when I fell but-_

"Didn't Freedom fix that?"

_Yeah. Maybe I just landed on it._

His hand touches the hip, presses on it; but there's no pain.

Maybe I imagined it?

I _did _have a broken hip for two months...

_It's okay now,_ I reassure Roy. _Maybe we should just go home._

"Are you going to be okay?" The man asks me, nearly upsetting my balance just through simple distraction.

You gotta learn to use these senses better, Ed!

"Yeah we'll be fine. I'll watch for cars."

"If you're sure." The man watches Hope warily as he slides into his vehicle and drives off, a sudden memory of _myself _in a vehicle as it drove off...without Roy.

And nearly killed me in the process.

Before I realize what's happening, Hope is leaning on my chest and nudging my face urgently. My entire body weight is leaning against Roy and he's giving me a light shake as he calls out my name.

Why am I _shaking?_

Oh.

I can see. I can hear-

I'm not in the alleyway.

Despite being with Roy, despite Hope's helpful encouragement; despite being able to _see _and _hear_ and having so many _distractions_-

I slipped.

I got caught in the alleyway, caught in my own mind, suffering in the brief but painful illusion of shattered bone and starvation and heartbreak and hopelessness.

Roy failed. _I _failed.

He provided all the senses that I need to be free, but still I'm trapped.

I used to think that my mind was strong. As a child I received praise for my skill in alchemy. As a young man I was a marvel of Amestris, a powerful, intelligent and merciful researcher and the youngest State Alchemist ever.

And after the Promised Day, I attributed all of my milestones in coping, all of my developments in sixth sense and chi perception, to my mind. My _strong _mind.

Ever since being stuck in this new body, being _gifted _these senses by Roy, I've broken down further and further. And now, after all of this time and effort, I slipped so easily and painfully back to the alleyway even in Roy's presence with his easily noticeable chi.

"Edward, Ed! Hey, what the hell is going on? Answer me!"

Hope is circling Roy and I, but Roy is holding me tightly and trying to calm my needless shaking.

I don't want to pull away from Roy. From the way he's holding me, I wouldn't have much of a chance of it anyway.

But I want so badly just to escape the constant struggles. Every setback that never seems to help me get _better_.

I miss the coma.

I came back for Roy-

For my whole family, but Roy was the one I would try to beat death for if Truth knocked on my gate and beckoned me to him.

Roy is the one who never grows tired or annoyed or frustrated with every one of my struggles, always encourages me to keep moving forward.

He gave me freedom. He gave me his senses, he gave me his future.

_Our _future.

I miss the peace of the coma, but maybe I can find peace with Roy and it won't be so bad.

I need more control over my chaotic mind though...

"Ed?" Roy's hand wanders up to my cheek to gently rub new tears away, ones that I hadn't even felt. "Your shaking is almost gone. Are you okay?"

_Yeah. I'm fine_.

"I highly doubt that."

_I was just arguing with myself again_.

"What about?"

_Does it matter? _I have no way of knowing that he can feel the shame in my expression. _Either way I'm done and we can go_.

Roy looks hesitant, as though there were something he wanted to say; for the sake of my unsteady constitution, he continues on with me with no further questions.

We're halfway down the street before he speaks again, his voice low and full of concern.

"You don't have to be afraid to tell me what's going on in your mind, Edward. I won't judge you, and maybe I can help you through it."

Yeah, maybe he could. Maybe he _could_ continue to keep me at the brink of sanity and normality, but it's not fair to _him _to be focusing on _me _all of the time.

He gave up everything for me. His career, his future, his abilities-

Well, he deserves happiness now. I had mine in the coma, and now it's his turn.

I won't burden him with all of my problems, all of my failings and setbacks. I'll hide most of it and he can think I'm really progressing, and maybe I actually will; but right now, I owe him some peace of mind.

So I'll lie. I'll tell him I'm fine, even when I hurt. His happiness is all that matters right now, for everything that he's given up for me.

_I just get tired of shrinking back in my own mind sometimes_, I tell him with a weak smile as my lie continues. _I'm learning to appreciate the senses you gave me but I guess it's just more peaceful in here at times._

His smile should make me happy. It should make the lie okay, but I feel sick to my stomach.

You'll get over it Edward. It'll get easier. As long as he's happy.

* * *

I have to admit, I was really worried about Edward there. First we were walking, then we fell backward, then Ed left and then he fell against me, shaking and crying and lost to the reality I had tried to give back to him.

Luckily, he seems to be making progress, even if pride tries to hold him back at every step.

He knows I wouldn't judge him, even if I _was _a bit harsh in my support when he was younger.

We stop again and immediately I fear the worst, but I remain silent-and sure enough, we begin walking with a mild step down.

Oh, we're probably crossing the street again.

He's actually much better at guiding me in public than he thought he would be. His panic attacks still exist, but they've been lessening the last few days.

Although, if today's episode _was _a panic attack, it wasn't a mild one.

I just wish he would tell me what was going on in that chaotic mind of his.

* * *

Edward filled with relief as he spotted the Central Chiropractic office. He glanced down at Hope and then at the inquisitive yet smiling Roy, his own weak smile strengthening as he entered.

For once giving him a break, the waiting room was clean, quiet, and very peaceful. There were no other patients waiting and the receptionist said nothing about Hope, simply smiled and greeted Roy.

"Good day to you, Mr. Mustang. Have you brought Ed for a surprise visit? Dr. Reed will be so happy to see him!"

Ed forgot that everyone still thought of him as the disabled person, but that lovely title now belonged to his partner.

"Yeah," he answered haltingly. "I'm um-here to see her." At the receptionist's look of surprise, he explained his abridged version. "We had an accident...and we switched senses."

"Oh, goodness! I didn't know that was possible..." She stared at the men for a long minute before checking the book in front of her. "Dr. Reed should be in room 5, awaiting a patient. Do you need help to find the way?"

Ed hesitated due to the knowledge of what letters and numbers _did _to his eyes, but this business was so peaceful and quiet that he thought he could manage it.

"I think we'll be fine. Thank you."

Ed was never so _happy _to see that the numbers outside the doors were _big_, because his mind _was _distorting the numbers just a bit and if they were small, he would have been screwed.

"Another point against the idiot," Ed grumbled quietly as he found room five and gently pushed in the door. "Hello?"

The red-headed woman looked up from a notebook at a small desk before dropping her pencil-well, more akin to _throwing _it in alarm-and shrieking.

Oh yeah _that _helped Edward's nerves.

He didn't even have time to blink before she ran forward and tackled him in a hug, causing him to stiffen in shock. As she pulled away he had to fight against the gasp that threatened to make him look like an unstable psychiatric escapee. Luckily, attention was dragged to Hope, who growled at the woman for her overeager treatment of Edward.

"Oh! Who is this? You-I-I don't know where to start! Edward I thought you had died! Your name was in the newspaper! It's so good to see you again!" She turned her gaze to Roy and asked him what happened, putting another chink in Ed's soul.

"He can't hear you," Edward said to her with an eerie solemn silence to his voice. "After my accident-after everyone thought I died, him too-he switched our senses." He turned his nervous golden eyes up to her. "You're...you're Dr. Stein, right?"

She stared at Edward in a mixture of alarm and amazement. This troublemaking young man had transformed into a scared child and it startled her, made her want to hug him again and comfort him-and she did, Hope allowing it this time because she could smell no fear from Edward.

"Ehm," Roy said quietly; "Ed? Are we here?"

Attention turned to Roy, beginning with Ed tapping Dorset to his forearm while Dr. Reed watched with sadness, as she hadn't missed the heartache in Ed's expression.

_Dr. Stein thought I was dead. Roy why was my obituary in the newspaper?_

"Well it wasn't actually an obituary," Roy replied hesitantly. "It was more of a statement about the crash...and how an automail leg was all that was left..."

"How did you survive?" Dr. Reed asked curiously as Ed tried to maintain two conversations simultaneously.

_Did all of Central see it?_

"The carjacker apparently had automail too," Ed explained uneasily, trying to keep his attention on the present with sight and _sound_ and his doctor in front of him. "I knocked him out before I tried to _get _out but...I couldn't feel to use the brakes, so I bailed out of the car at the last minute-it-it wasn't fast enough though, the car exploded and I was thrown into a wall and then the canal-"

He excused himself as he _felt_ his stomach churn, felt his breathing growing faster. His hip had a phantom ache and he shifted his weight, taking Roy's hand in his own and squeezing for grounding.

"Hope found me in the canal with a broken hip from the accident," he continued quietly, turning his eyes from Reed's sympathetic gaze to his faithful wolf. "She brought me food and water and kept me alive for a month before leading Roy to me."

"Oh my goodness," she said in awe. "I'm so sorry that happened to you. That must have been incredibly difficult."

"Yeah," he murmured in reply, willing his mind away from the dark memories. He didn't tell her he still was alone and starving in his dreams, or that even daytime couldn't keep him out of his mind. "Since then our senses were switched...and I've been trying to learn how to use them." Without breaking down, he neglected to say.

"It must be wonderful to be able to see and hear again," Reed said cheerfully. "It was two years that you couldn't, right? You must have missed so much!"

"To be honest," Ed admitted sheepishly, "I didn't mind how it was before. Being blind and deaf, once I adjusted, didn't bother me all that much. The thing I'm most thankful for-"

"Ed? Are you-" Roy quieted as Ed reassured him with a squeeze of the hand.

"When I lost my senses, my brother was still just a soul in a suit of armor. I never knew if he was okay or if he made it out of the coup alive-but I got to see him-I got to _talk _to him and _hear _him and-and that's the best part about it ever," he sniffled in reflex as the happy tears flowed. "That was all I ever wanted. All I could ever ask for. Now, I just wish I could switch back with Roy so he would be able again. I know he really misses his career..."

Reed smiled softly and gazed at their intermingled hands. "As long as he has you, I'm sure he'll be happy. You two are inseparable, I can tell."

"Thank you," Ed replied, squeezing Roy's hand. "Doctor, I know he's not your patient, but would you mind giving him what you give me? I think it might cheer him up."

"Of course not!" She replied cheerfully. "If you want I'll even work on Hope. I was just reading about animal chiropractic when you came in!" She pointed to her notebook, where several books were stacked neatly.

Ed stared at them in disbelief, unable to _read_ the damned words but he easily identified the dog and cat on the book's cover.

"Wow! Yeah, I think she'd like that."

"Do you want to go first, Edward?"

Honestly, he couldn't wait.

"Yeah. Just a minute."

_Sorry Roy. I was talking to Dr. Stein. She's going to adjust me now_.

"Good. You've earned it." He pulled Edward into a quick kiss, smiling knowingly as Edward blushed madly and Reed giggled.

"He is such a-such a flirt," Ed grumbled as he shakily climbed onto her adjustment table.

Somehow, he felt his balance was _worse _with his eyesight.

Within minutes all worries and stress were gone from Edward's mind and muscles as she massaged him, working her strong arms and hands across his tense back. He could _hear_ his occasional moan of pleasure, but didn't care one bit, as he was in _heaven_.

"Don't ever stop..." his mumble was nearly unintelligible, but it only earned a giggle from his doctor.

Soon though, she _did _stop, only to begin cracking his spine. With a multitude of _snaps _and _pops_, Ed laid limp on her table, eyes closed and breath slow and steady.

"Are you awake, Edward?" She asked teasingly, but her answer came in the form of a blissful smile. "Do you think Roy could have a turn?"

"Oh, yeah...'course." Ed contentedly rose, balance shot from the sudden change in orientation-but Reed was right there and kept him upright. He simply thanked her happily and stood Roy by the table, commanding him to lay on it.

"Um, why? Ed?"

_Indulge me_.

"Okay..." Ed steadied Roy as he felt the table and slowly climbed onto it, lying facedown as per Ed's request. "Like this?"

Ed wasn't the one to answer. Reed's hands were.

"Oh, oh wow. Dr. Reed?" He sighed in pleasure as she patted his arm in confirmation. "This is wonderful, thank you..."

"All Edward's idea," she replied to deaf ears, but nobody minded. As he received the massage and cracking of a lifetime, Ed contentedly sat with Hope, absentmindedly petting her while watching Roy's shift in expressions.

He wondered if Roy ever just watched _him_.

These were all good times...good memories that he would treasure. Happy moments to stave off negativity that would undoubtedly plague him later.

Like attracts like, Ed thought as his mind began slowly working again. Perhaps he needed to act happy and that would help him _attract _happy.

Maybe it would be enough just to make Roy happy.

Soon it was Hope's turn and, like a good pet, she leapt onto the table and laid down, allowing Dr. Reed to work on her body.

While two alchemists stood together against the wall, simply holding hands and enjoying the moment.

It took a heck of an ordeal and some teamwork to arrive, but the trip was worth it-both for the time together, as well as their time with Reed.

* * *

Ed had tried, really he did. He tried to _think _happy but it didn't help him relax for the sudden car horn blaring outside, nor for when Hope accidentally knocked over the chair in the kitchen while playing.

It was _loud_ and it hit Ed's nerves once again. Not enough to send him into a panic, but just enough to chastise himself for not being _ready _for it.

And Roy, goddammit, Ed would have liked to _kill _him when he set the early-morning alarm for work on his nightstand.

Roy said he did it out of habit. Ed said Roy did it to prank him.

Either way, both men were up earlier than intended as Roy had to help pull Ed out of a panic attack _after _getting kicked, and Ed stated that he wasn't going back to sleep because it was too dangerous.

At least for the times that Ed wasn't right near Roy, each stupid little setback went unnoticed by him. Roy didn't sense them and Ed didn't announce them.

There weren't a _whole _lot, at least. Ed just let Roy believe there weren't _any_.

_No Roy, I don't want to try_.

"Ed, come on. It's not that hard."

_Easy for you to say. They look like everything but what they are._

"You weren't born with it. You can learn to overcome it."

_Roy it's my head, not yours. I don't want to._

"Dammit Edward, you have to put an effort forth. You can't just ignore this problem forever!"

Ed would have liked to, though. He didn't want to try reading again, because it gave him unneeded stress.

_And _it made him feel like an idiot.

_Fine. Give me something to read._

"How about your alchemy notes?"

_What? How did you get those?_

"Do you really forget all the times I asked you to turn them in, Edward?" Roy deadpanned.

_Well how was I to know you were gonna keep them?_

"Let's go get them."

"Where are they, in your library?" Ed followed him curiously...to Roy's _study_.

_Why are they in here?_ Ed asked as Roy pulled the papers out of his desk and laid them out on its surface.

"I like to read them when I need inspiration."

_This chicken scratch inspires you?_

"Yeah, to keep my handwriting neat," he joked. "The notes are legible, just barely. They're the mark of a genius though. Come on, I can't read them anymore. It's up to you. Tell me what they say."

Faced again with the truth that Roy relied on Ed for survival, for interaction, the blond knew he had to try at least for Roy.

And Roy _knew _these notes. It's not like he could make something up.

Surely something his own hand wrote would be easier to read, right?

"Oh hell, this doesn't even look Amestrian..."

"Are you reading it?"

_Define reading._

"It's not that bad, is it?"

_I think the street signs made more sense._

"Okay, maybe you just need to relax." Roy sat down in his comfy office chair and pulled Ed onto his lap with a squeak of protest.

_Uhm, yeah that might help_. Ed pulled the notes from the desk and leaned back against Roy's chest to really relax. _It hasn't yet though_...

"Take your time," Roy said humorously. "It's not like either of us has a job."

"...Yeah. I wish we did..."

After nearly ten minutes of Ed struggling between relaxing and focusing, the words finally began to make sense and take shape on the paper, purely out of familiarity and pattern.

Excitedly he began tapping the Dorset to the arm around his waist, though he was sure he still badly mixed up some letters with others.

It _was _Edward Elric's handwriting.

"You really can do it," Roy said proudly. "You can read!"

_Barely, _Ed replied, but he _was _smiling. _I bet I'm getting every word wrong_.

"But you're going too fast to just be copying. You understand the text, don't you?"

_These are some of my earliest notes. They're so crude and amateur!_

"But still brilliant to even advanced alchemists."

_Like you?_

"I'm assuming that's a compliment." Roy snuck a gentle kiss to Ed.

_Yeah, it is. Are we done then?_

"You just relearn how to read after more than two years and you want to be done already? There's so much to read! Besides, you only gave me two sentences."

_I didn't say it was easy to read._

"And that's why you practice."

Ed groaned in exaggeration, but did manage to get an entire sheet of notes translated to Roy before he gave up.

_I'm done_.

"Half of that page was drawings. Come on, go to the next one!"

_I have a headache._

"I smell a load of crap."

_Clearly not, as I now possess that sense. As well as an actual headache. Roy please?_

"Ed, it was only a page of words-"

_You don't see what I see. You never did. You don't know what that's like. We can work on it later but my head hurts right now._

Roy sighed and hugged Ed around the middle. "I guess I just want more. Guess I'm turning into the impatient one, huh?"

_I'm sorry. You could always read your Braille book_...

"But that's not nearly as interesting as you."

_I love you too, Roy._


	95. Chapter 95

_To speedfanatic05_: You know Edward all too well. But how _could_ he be happy like this, given his fiery fighting personality? Luckily, that is just what keeps him moving forward...  
_To Here Strikes Dawn_: Thank you for the review, and I'm so glad you're enjoying the story! Ed is just too resilient to keep down for too long. He always fights back and this makes for a great story, including when he fights back with _Roy_, but that always has been their thing!  
_To alchemyfreak42_: I can speak just a little bit! Life has had me studying other things though unfortunately ಠ_ಠ Thank you for your review! I'm glad you love the story!

I'd just like to wish a **Merry Christmas **to everyone! If you celebrate it! If not then Happy Holidays! I celebrate Yule but I thought this would be a great Christmas present for everyone, Jyxxie finally posting the next chapter! I didn't _mean_ for it to take so long. Much work though OTL;

*spreading the juniper and pine and smacking people who mistake my poinsettia for mistletoe like srsly are you people that dumb*

* * *

"Rockbell Automail, Alphonse speaking."

"Geez Al didn't you get married _yet?_"

"Brother! No I didn't. I told you, when I do, you'll be my best man. I can't have the wedding without you!"

"And I can actually see the wedding too," Ed said with a weak laugh, Al not missing his tone at all.

"Ed, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, Al. I'm just...still tripping a little bit. That's to be expected right?"

"How badly?"

"Not too...badly," Ed murmured. "I-I mean I think I should be _better_ by now...it's been weeks since the coma...but.."

"C'mon Ed, share," Al said in a tone that was both serious and playful.

Brothers share.

"Roy keeps making me read. I don't know how much more of it I can take."

"Reading?" Al's surprise could easily be heard over the phone. "You love to read! Unless...you just don't like translating so much into Dorset, for him?"

"No I'd do that for him all day! It's just...I still have trouble sorting everything out...it kind of blurs together."

"Oh," Alphonse said understandingly. "He's still trying to have you do paperwork, huh?"

"No, Al," Ed said quietly after a few moments' silence. "It's not just paperwork. Books, signs, _everything_ is nearly impossible to read."

"_What?_" Alphonse nearly dropped the phone. "What-how-was it that bad when I was still there?!"

"I didn't...try to read much. The words were clear to me immediately after getting my senses back, but...the more stressful everything became, the harder it became to read."

"And Roy knows, right?"

"Yeah, he knows. And he keeps asking me to work on it. It's not getting _easier_, Al. I get a headache every time I have to do it and I've started hiding the stuff he wants me to read but how do you hide a whole library?!"

"Brother, calm down," Al urged as he could _hear_ the stress in Ed's voice. "Have you tried seeing someone else about it?"

"So they can call me a goddamn idiot?!"

"Nobody is going to think less of you for some mental trauma you have no control over, Ed."

"But I _do_ have control over it! Al it's been so _long_ since the damn alleyway I shouldn't still _slip_ back there!"

It was Al's turn to silently pause before speaking.

"You still slip back to the alleyway?"

"Mostly in-in my dreams," Ed admitted shamefully. "But sometimes I...for no reason at _all_...and Al I end up on the floor or crying or shaking... I'm afraid to go out in public-what if it happens at the wrong time-what if I end up getting Roy hurt-what if someone says I'm mentally unfit and they try to take Roy away from me?!"

"Number one, Nobody could take Roy away from you-not only would you not let them, but neither would Riza," Al reassured his borderline-panicking brother. "Number two, you're not going to get yourself _or_ Roy hurt, because your sixth sense will stop-"

"It didn't stop me from walking us into _traffic_, Al! Hope saved our life _not me!_"

"You-" Al's jaw dropped as he realized that Ed almost _had_ gotten them both injured or worse. He frowned as he heard Ed's wheezing between sniffling. "Brother, you have to calm _down_."

"He relies on me Al but I can't-I can't-I'm-I'm terrible-I can't-"

"Brother! Come on, you've snapped yourself out of this before!" Al felt terrible for not being there to help his brother; he could do nothing useful over the _phone_.

"I-I'm s-sorry Al I-I j-just ha-ate what I've become," Ed sobbed as he tried pathetically to regain his breathing. "I was y-your strong brother y-your _big_ brother a-and now I'm just a comp-plete mental _wreck!_"

"Ed! Calm _down!_" Al cried, finally having some effect as his harsh tone stung Ed's ear. "You don't have to suffer alone, you know. There are people whose job is to help people with problems like yours, Ed."

"What Al a-a psychiatrist? Are they gonna tell me it's _okay_ to be afraid of bright lights and every noise? Or of-of going outside? Of going to _sleep?_"

"Other people have problems like you do, Ed. Psychiatrists are more than able to help people get through those problems. Please brother, I don't like it when you're in pain. You should talk to someone about it. If not a psychiatrist, then Riza. But you need to realize that you're not alone. We're all here for you, Ed. We're all willing to help."

"Y-yeah Al," Ed sniffled, exhaling shakily. "O-okay. Um, Roy's calling me now. I'm gonna go."

"Alright Ed," Al said with a sad smile. "Call again anytime, okay?"

"Yeah. Bye Al." Ed hung up, curling up at the desk with his head in his hands.

Roy hadn't called for him.

Ed just couldn't talk to his brother anymore.

His heart ached when he went over how _sad_ Al sounded-

Al had even asked Ed to see a therapist.

"How far have I fallen..."

* * *

"Ooh, Ed." I wrap my arm around Ed as he decides to join me on the couch where I've been lazily sitting with my Braille novel.

A month and I don't even have it halfway done yet.

I _am_ improving in my reading speed, but much like Edward always seemed to do, I get lost in my thoughts and leave the book so easily.

Memories constantly play in my mind; all of the fun times I'd had at work and with friends off the books as well, and I even miss sneaking a view of Riza's ass while doing paperwork.

Imagination lets me escape my dull blank vision and return to work, and it usually goes the way I want because I _am_ making it up in my mind, but at times I change it up and enter the facility wearing nothing but my pants and military skirt.

That one always gets me laughing.

"How are you feeling?"

Dorset arrives to my thigh, as he's laying snuggled up against me. I can picture this in my mind's eye and it's so _adorable_, but I keep that thought to myself.

_We're getting low on food._

"Do you want to go out?"

_Yeah. I'll go get Hope ready._

Ed leaves to put Hope's harness on her. She's officially been trained as a seeing eye animal, and she's been a great aid on our trips outside-not that she wasn't before, and I would never tell Ed, but I do feel safer with her than just Ed alone...because when we go _out_ is when he usually suffers from anxiety and his mental regressions.

I'm proud of him, though. With the exception of those few times while we're out, Ed hardly has any trouble at all. The only thing that still occasionally plagues him is sleep.

He jumps up awake most nights. Usually it's just for a trip to the bathroom, but sometimes I have to wake him from a nightmare and let him know where he is and quell his shaking.

He rarely comments on it, simply lays back down with me and uses my company to safely return to sleep.

After the trauma and the stress of the alleyway, the coma, and the alienation of his senses, though; I think he's doing damn well.

Although it seems like he spends less time at my side than before...perhaps he is growing more independent with his senses?

As long as he doesn't go on with life without me. I mean, I gave him my senses so that he _could_-but I don't think I could stand being without him.

I hope he still thinks of me when he's off doing normal person things...

* * *

Ed led Roy and Hope out the front door, Roy holding onto the faithful wolf's harness. She led him down the few stairs like a pro, like Ed used to do, and followed the metal shopping cart as Ed walked along.

"Oh, it feels wonderful today," Roy's voice broke through the silence as they traveled toward the store. "It's so warm out! The sun feels amazing on my skin. Winter and spring took _forever _to get through."

Not to mention everything that happened in between, Ed tapped in reply, glad at least that Roy was finally happy.

"Yeah, it was a _rocky _couple of months, but we're doing pretty damn good aren't we?"

"We don't have a choice," Ed said quietly, dropping the basket in alarm as a car horn blared near them in the road. He grit his teeth and shakily picked the basket back up, scolding himself for such a wimpy reaction-but was relieved to see Roy didn't notice it.

"Is it beautiful out, Ed? Are there clouds in the sky?"

_Yeah. It's...nice out_. Ed's hesitation was so obvious that Roy couldn't help but comment.

"Are you enjoying it?"

_Of course_, Ed lied. _I'm watching the birds_.

"I liked to do that sometimes," Roy admitted with a smile. "And to listen to their songs."

All at once their conversation grew quiet again as Ed began walking, Hope dutifully following Ed and Roy in turn pulled along by the harness.

Ed was doing anything _but _bird watching. He was on constant alert for the sounds of cars approaching, always tense for a sudden honk; he was watching for anything _loud_-dogs that could bark, babies that could cry, children that could scream, anything disruptive to-to what? His hand wandered to his head as he slowed and tried to figure out _what_ he was trying to keep peaceful, _why _it had to be made so ideal for _him_.

"I can't tame the world," Ed mumbled, realizing his hand was _there_ and pulling it away before it could be noticed. "I have to tame my own mind."

Roy had told him recently how glad he was, that Ed had fewer stresses and regressions.

Truth be told, Ed had more than he could count but he was trying to keep himself away from Roy's scope of touch when he was home.

He didn't want Roy to catch him feeling depressed and crying for no reason. Nor find the blond having another vision-to-reality lapse as he got lost in his mind, leaving him to stumble or trip and fall and just curl up, wondering why he kept _getting _back up.

Hope would often run from Roy when she heard Ed having trouble, and he couldn't get her to go away until he felt better. He would usually tell Roy that Hope just needed a trip outside to do her business, even though it hurt him to _lie _to Roy so much.

But that smile of Roy's was worth it. The peaceful contentment when Ed snuggled with him and told him all was well-Ed couldn't bear to dash it with any tales of his repeated mental failings.

Even if it _did _whittle at what little happiness Ed had been struggling to find for so long.

"Hey Ed I hate to say it but uh, we're almost there right?"

Startled out of his thoughts, Ed silently cursed himself before answering.

_One more block. Are you okay?_

"I'm pulling an Edward," Roy admitted. "I'm didn't have to go until _after _we left, but now I feel like my bladder is loaded. What the hell?"

The confusion on Roy's face and in his words broke through Ed's guilt enough to allow him a rare laugh. He snuck his hand to just below Roy's tummy and poked, earning a noise of distress.

"Hey, knock it off! It's really full!"

_Almost there._

Upon arrival, Ed quickly found the restroom and led Hope to it, Roy following as slowly as he could. Ed was reminded of his initial train trip when he first learned to drink through a straw and nearly burst his _own _bladder through enthusiasm and stubbornness, and he couldn't help but smile as he shuttled the sizeable group into the bathroom meant only for one.

"You're still in here aren't you? Ed, you know I don't need help for _this_."

_You sound just like I did._ _Do you want privacy?_

"Perhaps a bit more room..."

_We'll wait for you outside._

Ed had to remind himself that Roy _was _more capable than he had been when he was without senses, as Roy at least had touch to help guide him. Touch to feel the fur of Hope's coat, which Ed could only imagine as he placed a hand reassuringly on her head.

Was it bad that despite Roy and Hope with him, Ed was still afraid to be out in public? Not that somebody would try to bother him, but that his mind or nerves might betray him again and make him look certifiably admissible to the psychiatric ward.

Ed didn't clue in to the sound of bumping and shuffling until the bathroom door opened to reveal Roy with a comical expression of relief.

"It's harder to find the door than you realize!"

_Try finding the bathroom in a strange house!_

"When did this happen?!"

_When you sent me to Winry's house for my automail repair._

"You made it in time, didn't you?"

_Only for me to piss on my automail because I missed the toilet._

Roy burst into laughter, ignoring the shove from Ed that knocked him backward against the wall. "I wish I could have seen that!"

_You know she hit me on the head when I did it? As if I did it on purpose!_

"Did she have to re-service your automail?"

_No but she didn't even wait until I had my pants up to clean it off!_

Roy laughed and put his arm around Ed's shoulders. "You always embarrass yourself somehow."

_All because I was blind as a bat_, Ed returned with Dorset jokingly.

"Blind as my Edward," Roy said affectionately, his hand able to feel Ed's face flush red as he brushed those golden bangs back.

_We didn't finish shopping yet_, Ed tapped shakily.

"Silly Edward, we didn't even start! Come on, I wrote the list, nice and big letters, you can follow it easily!"

"No, Roy, you didn't..." Ed whined. "A list?! You jerk..."

Roy handed it to Edward who actually stopped and stared at it. There, forming a collage from multiple magazine and sales ads, was a visual pictorial _list _of all of the fruits, vegetables, bread, toiletries, and other things that Roy generally purchased in a week's time. He _stared _at it in wonderment, knowing he would have no trouble at all following the guide.

_Roy...how?_

"I may have asked Riza to make that for me," he admitted. "You don't think it's too..."

_No,_ Ed replied before Roy could insinuate any of the various adjectives Ed had already attributed to himself. He was struck with awe not only by the accommodating gesture, but also how Roy continued to ingeniously find more workarounds for Ed's disabilities. _It's perfect, Roy. I'll have no trouble reading this list_.

"Good! I had to pay her for that, you know."

_Oh yeah?_

"Yeah. She made me do her dishes while she glued everything to the paper."

_It's about time you do some work._

"I remember when you tried to do the dishes," Roy said with a smile. "You were more full of soap than the sink, you were just too adorable for words."

_Don't call me adorable_, Ed tapped back with a pout that could _only _be described as such.

"But you were! And you still are! I can't help that you _are_, Edward."

_Come on let's get our food._ Ed pushed around his basket while identifying the things on the list, Hope faithfully keeping Roy right at his side.

"You know what I didn't put on that list? I forgot how crazy you went over it. You should get some."

_Some what?_

"Chocolate!" Roy chuckled. "You almost went into a chocolate coma at the ice cream shop."

"Oh hell chocolate," Ed murmured with a lick of his lips. "Chocolate would...oh I _need _some."

"Are you going to get some of it?"

_Yes I am_. Ed licked his lips, suddenly _craving _a taste of that delectable substance. _But let's get what's on the list first_.

"Afraid you'll have one taste of chocolate and forget all else?" Roy chuckled.

_Or end up spending all of our money on it._

"I really _did _fall for a chocoholic, didn't I? Oh man you're gonna get as fat as Breda!"

_Go to hell!_ Ed gave Roy a gentle shove. _I couldn't get that big if I tried!_

"If you keep eating double portions of ice cream _and _hot dogs you will!" Roy laughed, but it died down quickly as he received no reply from his partner. "...Edward?"

_Would you still_... Ed put his free thumb in the waistline of his pants, which were still plenty loose despite having an _elastic _waistband. _Would you still like me if I did get fat?_

"_What?!_ Edward why would you-" Roy sighed and pulled Ed into his arms, his voice carrying over to Edward the disbelief in his heart. "I will love you no matter what, you idiot. Whether you're completely disabled and five hundred pounds overweight and stuck in a wheelchair, or the skinniest and shortest human on this earth."

Ed's face met Roy's shoulder as he lowered it in embarrassment, the heat transferring from his cheeks through to Roy's skin.

_Stop trying to patronize me, Roy._

"I'm not! I really mean it, Edward! I don't mind if you're underweight, overweight, scrawny or buff. As long as you're _happy_. And with me. Besides," he added with a lower voice in a lewd tone; "There's nothing wrong with having love handles or some cushion for the pushin'."

Ed tore away from Roy with a face so red that he rivaled the nearby beets. He turned back to find Roy with an innocent smile on his face, but simply yanked him along for the shopping.

"Aw, Ed," Roy began in a tone of mock hurt; "Don't tell me that was too much for you."

_You're a pervert._

"You knew this since I told you who I was."

_So you advertise it in the middle of a store?_

"Were there people watching us?"

_I don't know._

"Does.. public affection bother you that much, Edward?"

_No. I don't think so_. Ed's arms wrapped around Roy's waist as if to prove his point to Roy; though he wondered if maybe he wasn't trying to convince _himself_.

"I'm sorry," Roy murmured; "I'll watch what I say while we're out, okay?"

_Stop treating me like I'm immature._

"I'm treating you like a person who has feelings and preferences, you idiot. Now _you _stop being so damn argumentative and just tell me what you want, okay?"

Ed turned his gaze to the people around him; he received only one glance for the two men holding each other in the market, but it was merely a smile. He returned his attention to the man in his arms, tapping out a message to Roy's lower back.

_I don't mind public affection. But I'd prefer anything perverted to come just as Dorset okay? I don't want to advertise what we do or don't do, and besides, aren't you supposed to be a distinguished gentleman?_

"At one time I was. Now I'm a disabled retiree housewife," Roy said with a chuckle; "So who the hell cares what they think of me?"

I do. Ed pulled away and handed the list to Roy as he tried to assemble the mixed fragments of thoughts interrupted by his own emotionally struggling mind. _I love you whether you're this housewife or the respectable Colonel Mustang. But I do prefer you to be at least a little dignified, especially in public._

"Like you always were?" Roy squeezed Edward's Dorset-delivering hand with a warm smile. "Wish granted. I'll behave in public, _and _we'll look good doing it."

Ed ducked his head downward with a weak smile, despite Roy not being able to see it anyway.

_Are you upset?_

"What? Why would I be?" The shock on Roy's face caught Ed off guard as he shifted his weight nervously.

_That I'm being so particular. That I'm asking you to compromise._

"Compromise? Ed, to an extent, a relationship is _built _on compromise. Two people coming together with different thoughts and views and likes and dislikes. They have to meet in the middle somewhere. Do you really think that asking me to treat you with respect in public is making me feel stifled? I'm only glad you finally told me to shut up before I crossed a line that I didn't know was there." Roy carefully set down the shopping list in their cart and took Ed's hands in his own. "Don't ever feel afraid to tell me if something is bothering you, okay?"

"Like how badly I'm broken?" Ed whispered, placing his head against Roy's. "I'm trying, Roy. Really I am."

"Good," Roy replied to his silence with a warmth in his voice that set Ed at ease yet again. "Shall we finish our shopping? Perhaps we can go out for ice cream when we're finished."

_Only if it's chocolate_, Ed replied to Roy with a growing smile.

"Well, miracles _can _happen. You _will _drink milk, as long as it contains chocolate!"

Ed snorted in laughter and gave Roy a shove, gasping and grabbing for Roy just a _bit _too late as the man lost balance and fell into a bin of watermelons. Just as Hope stood in her hind legs and leaned her head into the bin to nudge his hand, he burst into laughter.

"One disagreement and he puts me out for sale. So much for compromise!"

"Oh stop being a drama queen," Ed chuckled, pulling Roy to his feet again. _Let's finish our shopping, Mustang_.

"Of course, Fullmetal. Lead the way."


End file.
